


Trickle Down Therapy (Or What Happens When You Talk About Your Problems)

by epicmusic42



Series: On Recovery When You're Immortal [2]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Altered Mental States, Bertie Lives (The Mechanisms), Dehumanization, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Genderfluid Character, Gunpowder Tim has Anxiety, Heavy Petting, Implied/Referenced BDSM, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Imprisonment, Implied/Referenced Mass Murder, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jonny D'ville has ADHD, Light Bondage, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Panic Attacks, Polyamorous Mechanisms (The Mechanisms), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Solitary Confinement, Trans Jonny d'Ville, Trans Male Character, genderfluid gunpowder tim, references to doc carmilla's A+ parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 112,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicmusic42/pseuds/epicmusic42
Summary: Tim's been gone for two centuries. That's not long for the Mechanisms, but it's been a particularly rough two centuries. The silver lining? Tim actually did some therapy. And surprise, surprise, Marius was right. It did help. Now if he can just make use of his therapist's suggestions...Jonny hasn't had a good time since Tim left. He's back now, but some of what he missed was particularly hard on Jonny. That he came back from his own ordeal doesn't make it any easier. At least he seems to not hate Jonny anymore.
Relationships: Bertie/Jonny d'Ville (referenced), Bertie/Jonny d'Ville/Gunpowder Tim (referenced), Drumbot Brian/Gunpowder Tim, Gunpowder Tim/The Toy Soldier (The Mechanisms), Ivy Alexandria/Jonny d'Ville/Marius von Raum, Ivy Alexandria/Jonny d’Ville, Jonny d'Ville/Ashes O'Reilly, Jonny d'Ville/Gunpowder Tim, Jonny d'Ville/Gunpowder Tim/The Toy Soldier (The Mechanisms), Jonny d'Ville/Marius von Raum, Jonny d'Ville/The Toy Soldier, Poly Mechs, The Mechanisms Ensemble/The Mechanisms Ensemble, implied/referenced Ashes O'Reilly/Gunpowder Tim
Series: On Recovery When You're Immortal [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788319
Comments: 499
Kudos: 223





	1. Coming Home (Tim)

**Author's Note:**

> Since I have now realized that people who aren't already familiar with the mechs might wonder in here, some notes for anyone who doesn't already go here:
> 
> \- it/its pronouns are used to varying degrees by three characters in this story. One of these characters, the Toy Soldier, canonically uses it/its pronouns.  
> \- if you'd like context for this, go listen to _Tales to Be Told_ (the song not the album) and _Gunpowder Tim vs the Moon Kaiser_ by The Mechanisms  
> \- probably go binge all of their albums tbh, but those two will give you the main points you need for this fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim comes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- references to solitary confinement  
> \- heavy dissociation  
> \- implied/referenced death of a main character  
> \- implied/referenced death of a character off screen  
> \- physical restraining of individual in the midst of a panick attack

Tim had been here for two centuries now. He hadn’t meant to be gone that long though he could admit it certainly had been good for him in some ways.

The system he was in had an absolutely fascinating blackmarket for arms dealing so he’d decided to stick around when the rest of the Mechanisms had moved on. It wasn’t anything too unusual. Normally he’d have caught up after a decade or two no problem.

Instead it turned out that this system was one of the few to ever exist with a properly competent police force. So after about a few decades of fucking around collecting new toys some bastard had actually managed to get the jump on him.

If that wasn’t enough, he actually wasn’t able to break out of the prison he’d gotten thrown into on his own. So instead he was stuck here until either the others came back for him or the system collapsed and he could walk out.

Be easier if the guards hadn't gotten spooked by his lack of aging a half century back. You'd think they'd have noticed in the first few decades but apparently not. 

So now, instead of free room and board and making some new - if temporary - friends, he was stuck in solitary. Tim was starting to think they were convinced he was some kind of harbinger of doom with how the guards had taken to avoiding him as well.

The power had gone out in the prison again. Disappointingly that didn’t give him any hope of escape. Just meant he was stuck in his cell until the power was back on.

It happened surprisingly often for how well built the prison was. You'd think a prison that could hold a Mechanism that doesn't want to be there would be able to keep the lights on for more than a few months at a time.

The sound of distant gunfire echoed through the narrow vents of his cell.

That was interesting. He didn't think he'd heard fighting any of the other times the power went out. Maybe he'd actually hear something after the guards finished fixing the power.

A loud clang rattled against the door. Voices were shouting on the other side. Tim frowned.

He'd killed enough people in the early days that he wouldn't expect anyone to actually try and get him out. Even if they thought he'd make a good weapon there was no reason anyone should think he's directable. Though he supposed it didn't matter. Either way it'd let him escape.

He really wanted to go home.

The door continued buckling under the onslaught of whatever was trying to make its way into his cell. Tim absently noted that he was rather impressed. He'd spent an entire year trying to force the door open to no avail pretty early in his imprisonment.

He stepped back to the far side of the cell, though he took care to make sure he wasn't in the doors direct sight. No need to get himself injured.

Eventually the door gave.

Dust filled the room obscuring his sight. He could hear the sounds of muffled curses and people moving about the cell. Strangely enough he didn't react.

Distantly Tim recognized that that was a very bad sign.

As the dust cleared Tim blinked. A person appeared to be standing directly in front of him. Said person also seemed to be shaking him. 

“Tim!”

He supposed they were trying to get his attention. They looked very familiar.

“Snap out of it. We need to go.”

Go? Go where? They couldn't get anywhere. He'd tried. Repeatedly. Now where had he seen them before.

“We can deal with it later. Just grab him and let's get out of here. I don't like how long it took to get him.”

He was being moved now. It looked like the person had decided to put him on their shoulder. That didn't seem like a wise decision. 

There was a lot of more yelling now. It sounded like there was gunfire and explosions right next to him as well.

A sharp pain flared into being on the side of his head.

* * *

Tim jolted upright and regretted it immediately. His stomach lurched and his head throbbed. He was pretty sure he'd been dead a few minutes ago so that was certainly something.

Hands rested on his shoulders to guide him back down. It sounded like someone was talking to him.

He blinked several times trying to put the world into focus. Or rather make sense of the perfect detail he could see.

A metal man was hovering over him speaking. _Brian._

That would explain what happened before he guessed. The others came back to find out what was taking him so long and realized he needed help so came and got him. That made sense.

It still took far too long to get his thoughts together though.

* * *

Tim walked into his room for the first time in nearly two centuries. He was fairly certain it was considerably more of a mess than he left. Clothes that looked like they were probably Jonny's were tossed in random locations. Boxes of ammunition had been scattered throughout and various weapons had been balanced precariously. Half finished sewing projects were abandoned throughout.

All-in-all it looked more like Jonny's room than his own. 

Could Jonny have possibly been staying in his room while he was gone? That would certainly explain the mess.

Tim started the process of putting his room into some order as he looked for a clean set of clothes.

It wasn't that he had a _problem_ if Jonny was staying in his room. It just was extremely out of character for Jonny.

Even when Tim was present so it could be brushed off as convenience Jonny rarely slept someplace other than his own room. Tim had dealt with a number of decidedly unusual wake up calls from Jonny deciding he wanted attention as a result.

If Jonny had been staying in Tim's room that probably wasn't a good sign. Or maybe it was? Maybe it was a sign that Jonny had missed him? That wasn't overly likely, but a part of him still hoped so.

He certainly had missed the man.

Clothes found and room in enough of a semblance of order he wasn't worried about potentially injuring someone if they decided to _celebrate_ his return, Tim went to find Jonny.

* * *

It took more time than he really would have preferred, but eventually he did find Jonny. He was just standing there as an octokitten rubbed up against his leg.

After a few moments the octokitten moved on and Jonny started walking again. Well, stomping more like. He didn't seem to have a destination in mind even, just wandering around the ship trying to seem dangerous.

Tim smiled at Jonny's posturing. He never would have thought he'd miss it, yet here he was reveling in getting to watch it again.

He followed Jonny around the ship for nearly an hour before they finally circled around towards the commons. Jonny seemed increasingly agitated as the sounds of the others talking drifted towards him. Tim realized then that Jonny wasn't present enough to notice him on his own. Not a good sign. That meant he'd have to physically stop Jonny to get his attention.

Given the number of times Jonny had disappeared for an extended period of time after being shaken back into awareness. Given the number of times he'd almost started crying after checking out like this. Well. It certainly wasn't likely to be the type of homecoming Tim had been dreaming of.

Still...if he wanted Jonny to acknowledge him he'd have to make him do so.

...this was gonna suck.

"Jonny, you know I'd prefer if you just said you know I'm here."

Tim reached out and grabbed Jonny's wrist. He tried to point the gun away from himself, but wasn't quite quick enough.

He grimaced as Jonny fired into his leg. That was gonna hurt like hell if he had to restrain Jonny.

"Jonny please, it's Tim. At least yell at me or something."

Jonny was flailing some as he tried to pull back from Tim. It was surprisingly easy to grab his other wrist and back him to the wall. Tim really hoped that Jonny just recognized him on some level.

He shifted so he wasn't holding Jonny against the wall per say, just not letting him move away from it. His voice got softer, gentler as he kept calling for Jonny.

"Come on love. Come back to me please."

He was well aware that being this gentle was more than likely going to have Jonny running as soon as he let him go. The idea of being rough with him made Tim's chest go tight though. He'd deal with it when Jonny noticed.

He watched as Jonny blinked repeatedly. After a few more moments of murmuring pleas for Jonny to calm down it actually seemed to work. The first mate squeezed his eyes shut tight and went limp in his hold.

At a moment Jonny opened his eyes again, growing taunt as he turned a glare onto Tim. 

"The fuck are you doing?!"

Tim tipped his head forward until their foreheads were pressed together and just breathed Jonny in. The gunpowder and blood stench that Jonny always carried with him laced the subtler scents of pine and something distinctly Jonny was almost overpowered by the reek of dried sweat though.

Definitely not a good sign. Jonny may have taken great pleasure in being coated in blood and gore, but he _hated_ sweat. Tim would have to corner Boring Brian to find out what had happened when he got the chance.

After a few moments Jonny began squirming, the intimacy of the position getting to him. 

" _Tiiim_." He drew the other's name out in a whine.

Tim sucked a deep breath in, relishing the blush that was rising on Jonny's face. Still not a good sign, given how prone to violence Jonny was...and his distaste for anything that hinted at intimacy. 

"I'd really like to kiss you."

Jonny blinked. "...okay?"

 _Fuck it_. If Jonny wasn't going to stop him, Tim was going to be soft. Lord knew he should have spent the past few millennia doing so. Hadn't he promised Bertie that after the war they'd take proper care of Jonny?

"May I?"

"Okay now I'm startin' to worry. The hell is up with you?"

"I just spent 2 centuries in a very fucked up prison. So if you're okay with it I'd really like to kiss you."

 _I spent nearly 200 years without you. Not sure when I was going to get back to you. Realizing how much I abandoned you when Bertie died_.

He couldn't help a smile at how Jonny's brow furrowed. _Fuck he loved this man._

"Okay…"

Given that go ahead he tilted his head and gently pressed his lips against Jonny's. He just held the kiss there until Jonny whined into his mouth. He grinned.

A quiet voice whispered in the back of his mind that he wasn’t okay enough to do this. He ignored it. It didn’t matter. What mattered was taking advantage of the opportunity to be gentle with Jonny before one or both of them decided that violence was preferable.

Shifting his wrists into one hand, he slide the other down to curl around Jonny's jaw. From there it was easy to guide the other to where he wanted him.

He still kept the kiss chaste, gently moving his lips against Jonny's until the first mate was threatening to break free from his hold.

He pulled back and slid his hand across Jonny's neck resting it there as he swallowed. Tim watched as his eyes grew dark, moving his hand further down across Jonny's ribs before grasping his hip.

"If I let go of your wrists are you going to shoot me?" Tim started rubbing circles against his hip as he asked 

Jonny's face flushed, his body stiffening again. "What?! Do you expect me to just leave my hands wherever you put them," he snapped.

"If you want." Tim dragged his nose against the others cheek until he could breathe into his ear. "Was more hoping to get them on me though."

He felt as Jonny shuddered at that.

"Wh-" he broke off and wet his lips. "Why don' you just take the gun then?"

Tim hummed, peppering kisses down the side of Jonny's neck. "Kinda defeats the point if I have to though."

He pulled back to look into Jonny's eyes, a rush of pleasure filled him at the blown pupils Jonny was looking up at him with. He shifted forward until he was almost kissing him again. "I'd like to kiss you again if that's okay."

The exhale Jonny let out was shaky. He could feel Jonny's tongue trace his own lips as he tried to wet his. The swallow that followed was decidedly audible.

"Okay." Jonny's breath was warm against his mouth.

He pressed that last bit forward to seal their lips together. The slick slide of their lips together sent a jolt of heat down his spine.

The last time he'd felt this warm from so little was before Bertie had died, watching him kiss Jonny into a quivering mess against Tim's own chest.

When Jonny whimpered into his mouth he couldn't help the grin-even if he knew it was more likely to get him bit than anything.

He made sure to shuffle forward a bit, pressing Jonny firmly into the wall before licking at the seam of his lips.

The gasp Jonny let out gave him the chance to press into the others mouth and begin mapping it.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't get it bit off. Instead Jonny began to tremble against him.

He heard the click of a safety as he pulled back, quickly followed by the clatter of a gun falling to the floor. He couldn't help the chuckle he let out at that, trailing his hand down to ruck up Jonny's shirt and curl around his other hip.

"Well I gue-" he also couldn't help but cut himself off at the blown pupils, winding blush, and swollen lips Jonny was sporting as his hands remained quivering above his head. " _Fuck. Christ Jonny._ "

He ducked his head back down, pressing their lips back together. After another few moments of gradually deeper kissing, Jonny's hands came down to tangle in his hair.

* * *

Eventually, they came to a stop. Jonny's shirt fully untucked and Tim's hands under it pressing between his shoulder blades and the small of his back to pull them closer. Tim's jacket undone so Jonny could grasp the collar of his shirt.

After a moment of panting Jonny swallowed. "So...wha' exa'ly was tha' for?"

"Missed you." Tim slid his right hand down to curl around Jonny's hip again beginning to rub circles into the hollow there.

"Seems like a lo' for jus' missin' me." Jonny tipped his head back obligingly as Tim kissed down the side of his neck. "Though' you hated me anyways."

Tim hummed against his pulse point for a moment before biting down, getting a choked cry. Letting go he pressed a kiss against the bite. "So did I."

He pulled back again so he could look Jonny in the eyes.

He smiled sheepishly at his partner. "Promise not to tell Marius?"

He got a raised eyebrow in response. Jonny moved a hand up to play with the curls at the base of his neck before replying. "Now you're startin' t' worry me."

"I...might have ended up doing therapy while I was in prison."

Jonny froze.

Tim darted forward to drop a kiss onto his nose.

"Ended up talking about us." He swallowed.

Jonny scoffed. "Wha'?! So you jus' talk to some doctor 'bout our fucked up relationship and deci' you don't hate me anymore? Yeah ri-"

Tim cut him off with a kiss. "Not done explaining."

"...so finish."

He couldn't help smiling at the petulant grumble.

"And it was actually another prisoner that I talked to. Apparently they decided to study how humans deal with things mentally in an attempt to figure out how to fix something wrong with their own head so not a doctor."

"...okay."

"Some assumptions I made were brought to my attention. As well as some things that I hadn't bothered considering. Realized how much I missed you...and that I've been missing you pretty much since Bertie died."

Jonny's eyes were darting around, refusing to look at him. Given that it was Jonny it wasn't really a stretch to guess that he was uncomfortable.

Tim leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips again. Pulling back just enough to speak, he murmured, "soon as you think you can I'd like to talk about us. Clear the air and all so we can try be okay again."

He let his hand fall from where they'd moved to Jonny's sides and started to step back only to be stopped by Jonny's hands tightening on him.

It looked like he was struggling to find words more than lost in his own head so Tim didn't bother trying to shake him out of it. Just brought his hands back up to wrap around Jonny's shoulders rubbing circles as he waited.

They stood there leaning together for a long moment before Jonny let out a shuddering exhale. "Okay." He licked his lips. Swallowed. "Okay. We. We can do tha'. I- I'd kin'a like to lay down now though. Ca- can we do tha'?"

"Yeah." Tim could feel the grin stretching across his face. "I'd like that actually. Your room or mine?"

"Yours." The answer was faster that he expected.

Jonny flushed as he started to respond. "Or mine! Mine's fine actually!"

"We can go to my room Jonny." He dipped his head and silenced the protests already springing to his lips with a kiss. "It's fine, promise."

He pulled back again, this time taking the time to detangle Jonny's hands from his shirt and hair. He leaned down to grab the pistol and pressed it back into his hand before grabbing the other to pull him towards his room.

After a few seconds of walking, Jonny spoke up again. "Look. We really don'-"

Tim stopped. Turned. Raised his free hand to tilt Jonny's head up towards him. And pressed a kiss onto the anxious objections.

"I already stopped by to change, love. It's fine."

"Oh." The blush that was winding its way down Jonny's neck was gorgeous.

Absently Tim noted that he didn't actually know how far down it went. Even though Bertie had been fairly good at getting him to blush during the war, there'd never been enough light to really enjoy it. And he'd hadn't even bothered to try making Jonny blush since he joined the Mechanisms.

Dropping his hand from the others cheek, Tim tugged lightly on their clasped hands. "Come on. I'd rather spend a few days with just you before dealing with everyone else."

"Nope." Marius's voice came down the hall towards them before raising to a yell as he spun and took off. "Have fun!"

They locked eyes before erupting into laughter.

After their laughter died down Tim smiled. "I am being serious though. I'd rather spend a few days holed up with you than deal with the others at the moment." He squeezed Jonny's hand.

Jonny ducked his head, cheeks flushed. "Okay." He squeezed back.

_God. How could he have forgotten how shy Jonny could be in the face of genuine affection? It'd been painfully obvious that he'd never received enough during the war and he just. Stopped. Giving it to him when Bertie died. He'd have to do better._

* * *

After a bit of walking they made it back to Tim's room. Jonny's things still strewn across the room from where he'd, presumably, all but moved in during Tim's absence.

Tim ignored it all even as Jonny tried to say something, maybe even an apology.

He just dragged the other to the bed and began stripping them both, beginning with Jonny's plethora of belts.

"Uh...not that I don't appreciate the enthusiasm, but I actually did jus' mean layin' down."

Tim glanced up from where he'd crouched and begun undoing Jonny's boots. He grinned. "I know. I've been doing enough reminiscing lately to remember how much I hate holding you when you're fully dressed though."

"Still doesn' explain why you've decided to undress me." Jonny placed his hand against Tim's cheek.

Leaning into it Tim took a moment to respond.

"I'm pretty sure you asked what Bertie and I would talk about when we'd whisper over your head once."

He paused for a moment, raising his hand to cover Jonny's. Waited for his confirmation and turned to press a kiss to his palm before continuing.

"A lot of the time it was about how we'd take care of you after the war was over. I never made good on those promises despite having millennia to."

Jonny swallowed. "I don' recall ei'er of y'all makin' me any promises."

"Maybe not, but we certainly made promises to ourselves and each other. I'd like to start keeping those now if you'll let me."

Jonny stared at him for a long moment. A thought began to creep into his mind about how it was too little too late before the response came.

"Okay. I- okay."

Tim smiled. He turned and pressed another kiss to Jonny's palm before continuing. 

Boots and socks removed and set aside, he stood and cradled Jonny's face to kiss him deeply. From there it was a simple matter to get his shirt off. Seeing the harsh lines as he peeled the binder Jonny was wearing off of him was worrisome though. It'd definitely been on for far too long.

Tim would deal with that in the morning. He was functional enough to recognize that his own thought process wasn't the best at the moment, and it didn't seem like Jonny's was much better.

Off went the trousers and pants, leaving Jonny bare before him. He pulled him in for another kiss even as he started to guide him back towards the bed. Jonny didn't fight or object as he wrapped him in blankets - far more than he normally kept on his bed. 

With that he stripped himself with considerably less care, aware of Jonny's eyes on him the entire time. A part of him wanted to give the other man a show, to bathe in his sight. Jonny seemed more invested in maintaining contact than getting in his pants though.

The second he was under the covers Jonny was pressing into his space. He shifted so he could more easily curl around his partner, wishing for the days when Bertie was there to help make sure Jonny was completely surrounded by warmth.

He pressed a final kiss to Jonny's head before closing his eyes for the first night's sleep with one of his loves in his arms in far, far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm aware that Jonny is out of character. I'll get to that...eventually.  
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	2. I Missed You (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim's return from Jonny's point of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- references to animal abuse/death  
> \- heavy dissociation  
> \- implied/referenced death of a main character  
> \- implied/referenced death of a character off screen  
> \- physical restraining of individual in the midst of a panick attack  
> \- panick attack  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- implied thoughts of suicide

Tim had been gone for nearly 2 centuries. 187 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours. Ivy probably could tell him down to the second if he asked.

He wouldn't though.

It didn't matter. If Tim wanted to leave that was his choice. Jonny would be fine without. Had been fine without for centuries. Was presently fine without him.

The fact that Tim had been the first person he could remember trying to make him laugh without hurting someone was beside the point. The fact that he'd seriously considered going along with the half heard conversations about how Bertie and Tim were gonna take him home and make an honest man out of him after the war was beside the point. The fact that Tim was the one person who he'd trust not to kick him when he was down was beside the point.

He didn't need Tim. Didn't need anyone really. Just, enjoyed their company at times.

So it didn't matter what Brian thought about Tim's lack of prompt response when they swung back through the system they'd left him in. If he didn't feel like coming back that was his problem, not Jonny's.

Another stupid octokitten dropped down in front of him.

He definitely shot it. Because it was just a stupid fucking octokitten.

It wasn't one of the last things of Tim left after he fucked off and got himself caught or whatever.

And if it were Jonny would definitely have shot it.

Not let it rub up against his leg or something equally stupid.

He kept walking after definitely shooting the octokitten.

* * *

It sounded like more people had shown up. Finally. Hopefully they'd found Tim from wherever he decided to disappear to because this was definitely his fault

and not some stupid cop managing to get the jump on him.

He could hear voices and footsteps. They all sounded like they were coming from another room though. Not that that meant anything. 

The Aurora had a nasty habit of bending sound around so you couldn't tell how close or far it was.

Definitely.

A hand closed around his wrist.

He jerked back and fired.

The hand didn't let go. Instead another hand closed around his other wrist.

He blinked. Trying to pull free from his assailant. The hands just squeezed tighter.

He shut his eyes. One of the voices from earlier was still talking. It sounded closer though.

His back hit a wall. His arms were pulled above his head until he had to go on tiptoe. The voice kept talking.

Everything except the voice froze for a moment. Then the voice resolved into understandable words finally. The not quite pressure of a body standing against his own registered.

_Tim._

Of course the arse would decide the first thing he should do upon his return would be to scare the shit out of Jonny.

Or rather try to. Because Jonny definitely hadn't been scared.

Jonny opened his eyes to glare at the stupid, too tall, heart wrenching _pendejo_ that had apparently decided to be a nuisance immediately upon his return.

"The fuck are you doing?!"

Instead of answering, Tim just leaned down until their foreheads connected with a soft thump. Soft breaths fanned across Jonny's face.

He waited as Tim just stared at him, seeming to drink in his appearance-or at least that of his face. After a few moments of this with seemingly no end in sight he couldn't help but squirm.

" _Tiiim_." _Fuck_. He definitely hadn't meant to whine at the man holding him in place.

Tim took a deep breath and for a moment it felt like there wasn't air left for Jonny to breathe.

"I'd really like to kiss you."

Heat rushed to his already warm cheeks. _Goddamned it._ Jonny was fairly certain he was blushing. He blinked.

Tim wanted to kiss him but wasn't. **This was bad.**

"...okay"

Had something actually happened to Tim while he was down there?

"May I?"

"Okay now I'm starting to worry. The hell is up with you?"

What had happened down there that Tim was acting so shy about something he _knew he was allowed to do goddamned it._

"I just spent 2 centuries in a very fucked up prison. So if you're okay with it I'd really like to kiss you."

Was this actually Tim? It had to be right? He could see the blood still dripping from his leg where his shot had hit.

"Okay…" Was this some sort of malady of the mind? Tim looked fine.

Oh. Tim had been serious about wanting to kiss him. Not some sort of plot or euphemism. Just kissing. 

Jonny opened his mouth expecting Tim to immediately take advantage. Only to have Tim keep up the stupidly gentle and chaste kiss.

Why was this all Tim was giving him? He tried shifting to press his open mouth more firmly against Tim's … and got no reaction except a twitch of the lips. He couldn't help the whine that escaped him at that.

He could feel the way Tim grinned against his mouth in response too. Though he did shift his grip on Jonny's wrists to drop one hand to his face.

Tim's hand easily wrapped around his jaw, thumb sweeping under his cheekbone, fingers tracing half formed patterns along his ear. It took no effort for Tim to direct Jonny's head, and subsequently lips exactly where he wanted.

_Oh. This was. This was nice._

Even balanced on his toes, arms stretched above his head, it felt like he was surrounded by warmth. He twisted and tugged, trying to press closer to Tim more than anything though it certainly reminded him that Tim was holding him in place.

After what was both far too long and not long enough, Tim finally pulled back.

His hand dragged down to wrap loosely around Jonny's neck. For a moment it rested there. Tim stared directly into his eyes.

He swallowed, expecting Tim to squeeze, hold him in place and at his mercy. The same he always did when Jonny pushed.

Instead he just trailed his hand down, pressing against ribs. When Tim hand finally reached his belt it stopped, only to curl around his hip.

Tim's thumb began stroking up, across, and down, pressing firmly so he could still feel it in the hollow of hip through his clothing. "If I let go of your wrists are you going to shoot me?"

The absolute arse.

"What! Do you expect me to just leave my hands wherever you put them?!"

Okay. Snapping might not have been the best solution, but he was angry okay. They had a script. A way these encounters were supposed to go ever since Bertie died and Tim wasn't even pretending to follow it.

"If you want." The response was breathed against his jaw as Tim draw his nose across Jonny's cheek.

He paused for a beat, before continuing directly into Jonny's ear. "Was more hoping to get them on me though."

Jonny couldn't help the shudder that ran through him at the murmur anymore that he could have helped the urge to get his hands on Tim seconds before.

"Wh-" his voice caught in his throat as Tim began placing barely there kisses along his neck. He paused, wet his lips, and tried again. "Why don't you just take the gun then?"

"Kinda defeats the point if I have to though."

Tim was suddenly all he could see. Their lips were almost, almost touching. "I'd like to kiss you again if that's okay."

Jonny realized he was holding his breath and let it out. He gently traced the not quite there space between their lips with his tongue.

"Okay."

And Tim's lips were on his again. 

Their lips slide against each other. _Goddamned Brits_ and their stupid smooth lips even when it makes no sense!

The last time he'd been so out of control without being half dead was before Bertie had died. Caught between him and Tim, traded back and forth until he was gasping for air and on the edge from being kissed.

He didn't even register the whimper that he'd let out until he felt Tim's grin against his mouth.

He could feel Tim move against him, final _ly_ , _actually,_ pressing him into the wall. He tried to part his legs but the lack of support made it impossible.

Tim didn't even seem to notice as he pressed a thigh firmly between Jonny's legs. The choked gasp at least got a tongue exploring his mouth.

He was shaking as he desperately tried to somehow press closer, to get his hands free so he could actually touch Tim.

Tim just kept him pinned in place with seemingly no effort as he plundered Jonny's mouth. 

Eventually Jonny gave up and just dropped the gun, even as Tim started to pull back. He panted as Tim's hand made its way down to his hip, this time actually bothering to pull his shirt out of the way.

"Well I gue-"

Tim just stopped and started at him for a moment. His eyes were dark, almost possessive.

It sent a shiver down Jonny's spine.

" _Fuck. Christ Jonny_."

He didn't even have time to process what was said before Tim was back to kissing him into the wall.

Jonny couldn't help the whines and whimpers the came from the back of his throat as Tim gradually drew him into a desperate dance between their mouths.

When he finally remembering his hands were free, Jonny dropped them into Tim's hair, tangling one right into the curls against his neck and pulling until he got a moan in answer to his own.

* * *

After what felt like both hours and seconds they finally pulled apart. Somewhat.

Jonny's shirt was completely untucked and had been shoved up so Tim could press Jonny into his chest. Jonny had pulled Tim's jacket open and fisted the collar of his shirt.

For a moment they just breathed before Jonny asked, "so...what exactly was that for?"

Tim gave a sort of half shrug, dragging his hand down to rub circles into Jonny's left hip again. "Missed you."

Did he actually expect that to explain the complete change of treatment? At least the last time he did this Jonny had watched Bertie die as well.

Tim dipped his head to press a kiss just below Jonny's ear.

"Seems like a lot for just missing me."

He tipped his head out of the way as Tim continued down and around his neck. "Thought you hated me anyways."

Tim had almost completely stopped touching him after Bertie died. And spent several decades killing him after being mechanized. And still hadn't shown any sign of forgiving whatever sin Jonny had committed several millennia later.

The logical conclusion was that Tim hated him right?

A sharp pain burst into being on his neck. He could feel Tim's teeth worrying the bite deeper for a moment.

Was he _trying_ to get Jonny to soak through both their trousers?! Cause if he kept up this ridiculous back and forth between gentle and cruel Jonny was going to do so.

Tim's lips were decidedly less smooth than normal as they soothed the hurt. "So did I."  
  
Tim pulled back until he was looking in Jonny's eyes. "Promise not to tell Marius?"

Jonny arched an eyebrow at that decidedly odd request. He let his hand trail up and began playing with the curls at the base of Tim's neck while he waited for any further information.

After a moment it was obvious none was forthcoming. "Now you're really starting to worry me."

"I...might have ended up doing therapy while I was in prison."

His mind conjured an image of Tim strapped down to a table, a faceless doctor hovering over him asking questions while cutting him open.

He felt a cold touch on his nose and blinked. Tims face was moving away from him.

He scrunched his nose. It didn't feel wet. Did Tim kiss his nose?

"Ended up talking about us."

So what?! Tim was trying to make amends? Pretending to give a shit about him until he felt better about whatever secrets he'd spilled to some doctor?!

Did he actually expect Jonny to believe that bullshit?!

"What so you just talk to some doctor about our fucked up relationship and decide you don't hate me anymore? Yeah ri-"

And Tim was kissing him again. At the rate they were going Tim would have kissed him more times by the end of his first day back than he had in the entire year before leaving.

After a bit Jonny stopped trying to talk and gave into the kiss. Even if Tim was sure to go back to being the same hateful _pendejo_ as always after a while he might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Of course, Tim ended the kiss almost as soon as Jonny started kissing back so it's not like he really got to enjoy it. "Not done explaining."

Okay. That was, maybe fair. Still didn't have to stop kissing him though. "...so finish."

And the fool smiled at him. 

"And it was actually another prisoner that I talked to. Apparently they decided to study how humans deal with things mentally in an attempt to figure out how to fix something wrong with their own head so not a doctor."

That was...better than a doctor at least. Probably didn't hurt him too bad. He'd still have to keep an eye out for any new issues that might have arisen from this _therapy_.

"...okay."

"Some assumptions I made were brought to my attention. As well as some things that I hadn't bothered considering. Realized how much I missed you...and that I've been missing you pretty much since Bertie died."

That was...odd. and really not where he was expecting Tim's apparent foray into therapy to go. 

He'd been with Tim most of the time since Bertie died anyways. Well aside from that bit where he was dead. Or Tim wouldn't see him without killing him. But somehow Tim had missed him?

After a few beats Tim pressed _yet another kiss_ to Jonny's lips before pulling back to murmur against his mouth.

"Soon as you think you can I'd like to talk about us. Clear the air and all so we can try to be okay again."

Tim's hands dropped from his sides and he started pulling away.

_No!_

It wasn't fair!

Tim was gone for _nearly two centuries and then he comes back and he didn't hate him anymore and maybe he could actually get his love back even though it had to be his fault that Bertie died otherwise why would Tim stop loving him cause they promised they did and now Tim was leaving again and it wasn't fair_

And Tim wasn't leaving. He was...he was holding Jonny again. Rubbing his shoulders.

Jonny could work with this. He just had to figure out the right thing to say. And Tim would stay. And then he could figure out how to be better and maybe Tim would love him again instead of hating him.

Tim wanted him to talk about them. Not right now though? He said when Jonny thought he could. He didn't think he ever would be able to but he could try if it meant Tim would stay. He just had to tell him that.

"Okay." His throat was too dry to talk. "Okay. We. We can do that. I- I'd kinda like to lay down now though. Ca-can we do that?"

 _No. No no nononnono._ That wasn't what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to be good and agree so Tim would stay.

"Yeah." 

Wait. That was okay?

"I'd like that actually."

Tim was smiling at him? It was actually okay? His fuck up was right?

"Your room or mine?"

"Yours." The answer left his mouth before he could even think about it.

 _S_ _hit. Nonono._ He'd been sleeping in Tim's room while Tim was gone. Tim would be pissed if he found out and then he wouldn't stay.

"Or mine! Mine's fine actually!"

"We can go to my room Jonny." Tim was kissing him again before he could protest. "It's fine, promise."

Tim was pulling away again. He pulled Jonny's hands out of his hair and shirt first though so Jonny couldn't do anything to stop him.

So it wasn't fine. Of course not. Why would a worthless piece of shit like him be enough for someone like Tim to stay?

And he had his pistol again. He should-

Tim was holding his hand?

Tim was holding his hand and leading him somewhere?

But Tim was going to leave? Tim let him go?

And where'd his pistol come from? Didn't he drop it?

Oh. Did Tim get his pistol for him? Tim would have had to leave for that. And he did leave but he came back. Right after Jonny got his pistol back. So maybe that was it.

That meant he hadn't wrecked things right? So they'd go to Tim's room and lay down and maybe Tim would hold him and it wouldn't be just like when he was worth loving because Bertie was there and Bertie was dead now- 

And _they were going to Tim's room where Jonny had been living basically since Tim left and oh God. Tim was going to hate him again._

"Look." Tim stopped and turned around so they were face to face again.

We really don't-"

Tim's hand was moving his head again.

Oh. Tim was kissing him again. This was nice. 

"I already stopped by to change, love. It's fine."

"Oh."

His face felt hot.

Was Tim going to keep kissing him when he tried saying useless things? He said things that weren't useful a lot. Tim might get tired of kissing him every time he tried to say something stupid.

Tim was tugging his arm-or not his arm, his hand really.

Tim called him love.

"Come on. I'd rather spend a few days with just you before dealing with everyone else."

"Nope." That sounded like Marius. Why was Marius talking. He wasn't here. "Have fun!" It sounded like Marius was running away.

Oh. Marius must have been looking for Tim. He probably thought they were going to have really loud and violent sex and kill anyone who interrupted. 

They probably did that more often than they should.

Tim had called him love.

He looked up to see Tim looking at him, a smile on his face. He grinned back as they locked eyes.

They both laughed.

"I am being serious though." 

Tim was talking to him again. Tim had called him love.

"I'd rather spend a few days holed up with you than deal the others at the moment."

Tim squeezed his hand.

He couldn't look at Tim when he was saying things like that about him. 

"Okay." He made sure to squeeze back though.

Tim had called him love and wanted to spend time with him not anyone else even though he'd been gone for years and years and years.

Tim had called him love!

* * *

It took a bit, but eventually they made it to Tim's room. Tim hadn't let go of Jonny's hand once the entire way.

And Jonny's things were spread across the room without rhyme or reason. 

Right.

He'd basically moved in but just left a mess. Tim wasn't going to like that. He hated the way Jonny left things everywhere.

He needed to apologize to Tim didn't he? And pick his stuff up. Should probably just take it back to his room. Tim would want his back soon after all.

Jonny blinked as a belt was tugged off his torso. Several more had already been undone and dropped to the ground at his feet.

Tim slid to his knees in front of Jonny and began untying his left boot.

"Uh…" What was Tim doing? He said they were going to lay down? "Not that I don't appreciate the enthusiasm, but I actually did just mean laying down."

Why was his mouth running away from him so much today?

Tim was grinning up at him. "I know. I've been doing enough reminiscing lately to remember how much I hate holding you when you're fully dressed though."

Oh. That explained the apparent importance of him being stripped. He rose a hand to cup Tim's cheek before he could stop himself. "Still doesn't explain why you've decided to undress me."

Tim tilted his head until Jonny could just barely feel weight against his hand and blinked up at him for a long moment.

"I'm pretty sure you asked what Bertie and I would talk about when we'd whisper over your head once."

Tim's hand rose to wrap around Jonny's own, pressing it more firmly against Tim's cheek.

Jonny gave a hesitant nod. He didn't see what this had to do with his not-question but he did ask them about it at one point. They'd gone red and avoided the question.

Tim pressed a kiss against Jonny's palm before answering. "A lot of the time it was about how we'd take care of you after the war was over. I never made good on those promises despite having millennia to."

What promises? Tim had taken care of him just fine since the war. Even if he didn't love him anymore that was fine. He'd still made sure Jonny got what he needed as long as Jonny didn't do something stupid like lie and tell him to stop.

"I don't recall either of you making me any promises."

"Maybe not, but we certainly made promises to ourselves and each other. I'd like to start keeping those now if you'll let me."

What? Why would they do that? Jonny was just some idiot that they got stuck with and accidentally fell in love with. What promises would they make about taking care of him? Why would that involve undressing him?

Would Tim even explain if he asked?

"Okay. I- okay."

Maybe Jonny'd ask in the morning. Tim seemed a little off. Should probably let him sleep before he tried getting a more coherent explanation.

Tim pressed another kiss into Jonny's palm before continuing to untie his boots. With his boots and socks off Tim rose back up.

Stopping for a moment to lean down and kiss Jonny, Tim gently dragged his shirt over his head. He dropped it onto the slowly growing pile of Jonny's clothing and began pulling the half binder Jonny had decided to wear... probably that day... off of him.

With it added to the pile, trousers and pants quickly followed. The chillier air of Tim's room making Jonny shiver as his now nude body was guided back onto the bed and under the covers.

Tim took a few moments to fuss over tucking Jonny in before stripping and sliding under the covers himself.

Jonny didn't get a particularly good look at him while he was standing but it didn't _look_ like he had any new scars.

Jonny scooted forward until he could rest against Tim. Tim just moved them both closer to the center of the bed before curling around him. 

He buried his face into Tim's neck, shaking slightly as he felt the phantom pressure and perfect too much heat from getting tangled between Tim and Bertie during a microwave attack. Held fast and safe and loved between them.

He felt Tim press a kiss to the top of his head before tightening his arms around Jonny just briefly as he settled in to sleep.

Even if his mind was still only half present, Jonny just pressed closer, closed his eyes, and breathed as he let a hopefully dreamless sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this explains some of why Jonny is out of character. He's very much not okay and far to many of his coping mechanisms are tied up in Tim for him to handle things. Some of his lack of violence is due to it being a particularly "good" day, there is more to it though.
> 
> I decided to lean more into the idea of Jonny being from New Texas and a cowboy. Not sure how much Spanish is going to make it's way into his vocabulary, but I'm setting his accent and vernacular from the opposite direction that Jonny Sims does - adding British phrases and pronunciations to that of a Texan, so he's definitely got some Spanish that he uses.
> 
> Also! Jonny's very ADHD here. Severe ADHD can result in what essentially amounts to maintaining two (or more) trains of thought at the same time. I've tried to reflect that with some of the formatting of Jonny's thoughts. I'd love to hear how well that translated to other people if you have the spoons!
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	3. An Interlude (Mistress' Right Hand)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >:) A sneak peek at what's to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced dehumanization  
> \- heavy dissociation  
> \- implied/referenced brainwashing  
> \- implied/referenced mass murder  
> \- implied/referenced torture  
> \- implied/referenced imprisonment

It was very dark here. 

It was wet, but also dusty. 

There was fire, but it was not really. It gave no light. Only pain.

Where the fire was was heavy. 

It was very dark here. 

It was wet, but also dusty. 

There was fire, but it was not really. It gave no light. Only pain.

Where the fire was was heavy. 

_Leaden._

“You’ll do nicely I think. It’s almost poetic in a way.”

The voice echoed. 

It was high and grating. There was something wrong with it.

“Making the right hand of the man who killed my father my own. Only I don’t have to worry about anything so pointless as death.”

Pressure. Small, but long points curling in on each other.

A _hand_.

The pressure was uneven. One side of the hand? barely there even as the other was intense. The fire spread, embers lighting up into a blazing inferno that consumed all there was save the voice.

There was a scream.

Neither the hand nor voice seemed to care. Not about the scream that wasn’t stopping or the fire that was everywhere now.

The voice growled out words that did not make sense. Light appeared illuminating a dark cavern. 

The voice came from slightly above and in front of where the hand could be seen gripping something round and dark. Whatever it held was dripping onto the stone? ground. 

More pressure as the hand jerked its prisoner forward.

“Come. We must depart,” ordered the voice.

* * *

It had experienced a great deal throughout its existence. Pain and suffering alike. Its Mistress was a harsh woman. She did not have time for mistakes.

She had a task. It did not know what this task was.

It only knew that Mistress’ task was difficult and long sought. She had given up much so that she could pursue it.

It grit its teeth as another bolt of energy laced through its form. Its entire form already hurt from the previous attacks it had taken. It would be in pain for much longer than it could afford when this was done.

* * *

There were intruders on the station. They appeared to be some sort of bandits. 

Mistress would not be happy with this development. She was expecting guests.

It did not enjoy having to deal with them.

It would prefer to spend its time overseeing the people on the station. 

Instead it was forced to gather the guards and go after these intruders.

* * *

The man on the table was familiar.

It did not know why. He did not look like any of the men that its Mistress had entertained herself with over the years.

He was much shorter than they were for one. It did not think that he would even reach its shoulder.

His voice was much nicer for another. Even if it had gone horse with screams.

The man’s screams made it feel hot for that matter. Not in the way it was when it was struggling to regulate its own temperature. This was...deeper.

Its fist tightened as the doctor’s began to cut the man open.

* * *

The doctors were easy to take out. 

They knew exactly how many there were. They also knew where they all were.

They knew that the doctor with the pink hair had an overcharged taser that he was not supposed to have. They also knew exactly how much force it would take to remove the taser from his person.

They knew that the doctor with the accent like theirs had a gun tucked into the back of their waistband. They also knew exactly how many bullets it held.

They knew that the doctor that always demanded they rewrite their notes in another language because apparently English was too hard had added a neurotoxin to the fire suppression system last month. They also knew how to activate said system everywhere in the room except where the man lay.

They did not know when they’d become a _they_ .

* * *

The man kept trying to tell them it was pointless. That he was already dead. They ignored him though.

It was difficult to maneuver through the station with him in their arms sure, but nowhere near impossible.

He was leaving. The doctors would keep hurting him if he stayed and that was unacceptable. They would keep hurting him until they figured out how to _kill_ him and that _could not be allowed_.

The man made a noise of pain. They realized they had tightened their grip on him.

An apology fell from their lips without a second thought.

* * *

They carefully set him into the lifepod. It would be able to get him to the next system hopefully. They’d made sure to stock it with plenty of medical supplies. 

He wasn’t letting go of them though. They didn’t want to hurt him, but he had to let go so they could send him off.

* * *

They watched the lifepod until it was out of sight. The Mistress wouldn’t be happy that the man was gone. She would put a great deal of effort into getting him back.

She would not be happy that her doctors were dead either.

Well. He’d just have to make sure she didn’t think to go looking for the man.

* * *

He gave their report to Mistress without inflection as usual. He had not killed everyone on the station so their own survival was not unheard of. 

Still. She was watching them with suspicion in her eyes. He would have to be careful lest she realize their deception.

* * *

Something about the man kept nagging at him. He supposed it might have just been the changes he wrought in themself. They were certain there was something more to it though.

They knew that he hadn’t always been their Mistress’s right hand. Their first real memory was of their Mistress collecting them. Before that they had only hazy recollections of gunfire and laughter. 

They didn’t think it could have been a good life he had lived. Surely he would remember more if that was the case?

The man had talked like he knew them though. _Mialma_ , he’d called him. Was that their name?

The man had obviously not been in his right mind. He had been convinced of his eternal death by whatever the doctors’ device had shown him. He had not seemed to be hallucinating however. 

Might they have known him before he was himself? Something in them had stilled when he called them _Mialma_. They were not sure what it was. He had not known that it existed _to_ be stilled until that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered finishing the talking stuff and doing a series for the plot stuff, but it flows better this way so y'all get this tangent. Goal is to have an update with Tim and Jonny up before the weekend, but the edited part has a bit of a cliffhanger so...
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	4. Soft Doesn't Equal Happy (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim wakes up to find Jonny still with him. Just because Jonny agrees that being soft is nice doesn't mean everything's going to be okay though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced masochism  
> \- implied/referenced BDSM  
> \- implied/referenced unhealthy relationship  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- dissociation  
> \- breakdowns  
> \- aftermath of torture

Tim woke up quickly. 

That was fairly normal for him. 

What wasn’t normal was waking up with a weight across his chest

At some point during the night he had turned onto his back and Jonny had followed. Now he was pressed tightly against Tim, clutching at him.

Tim began rubbing Jonny's back. Slowly the man in his arms relaxed into his hold. He just lay there like that for a while, enjoying the feel of not only another person, but someone that no amount of time or effort could convince him not to love.

 _Lord knew he’d tried to stop for years_. He just hoped that they could solve their problems finally.

He moved a hand up to start gently detangling the knots that had formed in Jonny's hair. He could feel the oil that had collected in it. It made it easier to comb through, but left a sinking feeling in Tim's throat.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t noticed these things in the time between joining the Mechanisms and now. Quite the opposite really. He’d noticed every time Jonny got trapped half in his own head and was usually the one who ended up dragging him out.

He didn’t think he’d hurt Jonny - not beyond what he could take though. He’d watch Jonny sulk over Bertie vetoing anything that involved leaving him hurt enough times to realize that Jonny had a masochist streak a mile wide and twice as tall. If that wasn’t enough to get the point across the ease of which Jonny switched from fighting to begging when he was held down and threatened would.

He didn’t know for sure though. He tried not to let Jonny slip into that not really there state he got sometimes. He knew there was no hope of Jonny telling him how he was doing if he went there. It scared him honestly.

Even when he had been succeeding in lying to himself that he hated Jonny and didn’t care what happened to him, it’d scared him. Jonny wouldn’t do anything to defend himself like that. 

If he let Jonny go there he could kill Jonny, over and over and Jonny wouldn’t fault him. If anything Jonny would thank him.

He missed Bertie. Bertie would have been able to give Jonny what he wanted without hurting him. Not like Tim seemed to.

It’d be one thing if Jonny just needed to be taken down. He knew what that felt like. He’d asked Ashes and Brian both to take him down on more than one occasion so he could just breathe. He knew how to do _that_. 

Bertie had taken them both down when they’d been able to get away long enough. Jonny had always seemed calmer afterwards - happier too. He’d seemed to have trouble getting out of his headspace though.

Was that why Jonny didn’t ever seem like he’d be interested?

Tim knew Jonny had some issues tangled up in the need to be the one in charge, that’s why he always insisted he was the captain even though they didn’t have a captain. Was he scared that he wouldn’t even be the First Mate if he stayed in his headspace too long.

As the war had gone on Jonny had seemed to have a harder and harder time coming out of it. The fastest he’d ever seen Jonny snap out was when some asshole in another unit had seen Jonny fetch Bertie an extra ration of tea. The man had made some comment that Tim hadn’t been close enough to hear and then Jonny had punched him.

Jonny didn’t seem to be too shaken by the incident, just pissed off. If Jonny didn’t want to stay in his headspace outside of a scene then Tim could figure out how to snap him out of it. He wanted to take care of Jonny.

* * *

After some time Jonny began stirring. Small noises of complaint were pressed into Tim's chest forcing him to suppress a laugh.

Jonny grumbled as he tried to curl further into him.

"You gonna wake up?"

Jonny shook his head. "...no."

He was adorable. Tim didn't think he'd ever actually gotten to watch Jonny wake up slowly. The way he was refusing to acknowledge that he was awake sent a feeling not unlike lightning crackling through Tim.

He threw back his head and laughed.

The pressure on his chest changed as Jonny suddenly shot up before freezing. Looking down he saw Jonny watching him. His mouth was hanging open slightly and his eyes were wide.

"What?"

"You're gorgeous."

Jonny looked startled, like he hadn't meant to say that. Tim could feel his cheeks heating up.

People didn't _do that_. Just compliment him like that. Not without some ulterior motive at least.

Like sure. If he was feeling more feminine while they were on a planet he might get compliments. They were always from idiots trying to get in hir pants though. Even with how liberal Ashes could be with compliments it was always stuff like how good ze looked fucking himself on their strap!

His head automatically ducked, trying to avoid Jonny's gaze. If anything it actually made it easier to hold his gaze though. 

"Th-thanks. Though really, I should be the one saying that."

Jonny hummed in response. "Nope." He suddenly pecked Tim's cheek. "You're defini’ly the predy one here."

Tim gasped, hands flying to Jonny's hips. He hadn't realized that he was actually hard until Jonny's movement had him grinding down on Tim's cock.

"I-I’m really _not_."

"Yes. You. Are." Each word was punctuated with a kiss to a new part of his face.

Jonny started brushing barely there kisses against Tim's neck and jaw. Interrupting himself to push further praises to Tim's visage through his attempted deflections.

It was... surprisingly nice.

The brush of Jonny's lips was just firm enough to track. The way Jonny was cradling his face kept him from pulling away. Jonny's position over his hips adding just another tease of not quite there pressure.

It was embarrassing and too much and he wasn't sure if he wanted it to stop. He couldn't stop moving even if he wasn’t trying to get Jonny off of him.

After he realized he was letting whines past his lips he decided he was done playing along. He flipped them over.

Jonny didn't even pretend to fight as Tim manhandled him. His hands were held fast on the bed to either side of his head, his legs pinned down by Tim's own.

Tim pressed a harsh kiss to his lips, ignoring the compliments he was trying to offer.

* * *

Jonny was actually refusing to shut up even though Tim was doing a great deal to occupy his mouth and otherwise distract him. Why the actual hell was he so determined to compliment Tim right now?!?

Like okay. Tim logically knew he was pretty. He just _really really_ wasn't used to hearing it for any reason that wasn't directly connected to fucking him. And yet, for some reason _Jonny_ was making a point to do so.

Also, Jonny had apparently decided to completely ignore the fact that they were both naked and hard in favour of fucking _butterfly kisses_ of all things. Which...was actually kinda nice if he was honest.

He just didn't know what to do with this.

So he had kissed Jonny. He rolled them over so he was pinning Jonny to the bed and kissed him. And bit him. And left marks that were going to heal much faster than he wanted them to.

And _for some reason Jonny's focus stayed on telling him he was pretty!?!?!_

He finally groaned and dropped his head onto the pillow next to Jonny's head. He went limp, which put more of his weight on Jonny given how they were laying. It also let Jonny shift his hands to tangle their fingers together.

"I'm bein’ serious. You're beautiful. Li’ an angel or som’in’. I dunno how you manage to not end up the cen’er of attention e’ery time we go plane’ side."

Tim turned his head to glare at him. Given the way Jonny was grinning at him, he doubted it was effective though. 

...The fact that he was having trouble not grinning back probably didn't help either. 

Jonny leaned forward and pecked Tim's nose.

_The hell?!?_

He must have made a face at that cause Jonny started giggling.

He pushed himself up so he could shake his hair out of his face. His mouth was almost sore from how wide he was smiling.

“Yeah, yeah. Apparently you think I’m pretty enough to spend who knows how long telling me about it.”

Jonny hummed. “You didn’ seem li’ you believed me earlier. Seem’ li’ the easiest way to get the point across.”

Tim snorted. Shook his head and pressed closer, tucking his face into the side of Jonny’s neck.

"So what happened to you? You're usually more violent than this."

Jonny didn't answer for a moment, his usual twitchiness stilling. Tim pushed himself back up so he could see. Jonny's eyes were just barely edging out of focus.

 _Damn it._ He hadn't meant to set Jonny's head off. You think he'd know better than to ask questions like that by now. He'd known Jonny long enough to learn how easily his mind ran away from him.

Jonny's eyes refocused on him, but he didn't start moving again.

Tim leaned down and nuzzled against his cheek. Ridiculous? Yes. But Jonny had been the one giving butterfly kisses earlier so if Tim wanted to try stupid cutesy stuff to keep him from panicking _then he could._

"I didn't say I didn't like it you know. Actually pretty nice, getting to hold you just because I can. Getting to just kiss you instead of it having to lead to sex."

Jonny _finally_ started moving again after that. Though now he was squirming in Tim's hold.

"I'm just curious what I missed that brought this on."

Jonny made a face in response. He stayed quiet, eyes focusing somewhere behind Tim.

Tim waited.

He'd known Jonny long enough to recognize when he was sorting through his thoughts. He had no problem waiting for Jonny to find the answer. He just hoped Jonny wouldn't make him work for it once he found it.

“Dunno. Jus’...happy I guess?”

_Fuck._

He’d known Jonny for _millennia_.

They’d been together in one way or another longer than most kingdoms survived. 

And somehow he’d never managed to make him happy.

He’d known he must have failed Jonny more than once over the years, but he’d at least thought that Jonny had been happy before Bertie died.

He moved so he was leaning over Jonny and kissed him as gently as he could.

Jonny deserved _so_ much better than him. He didn’t know why Jonny put up with him half as much as he did. Jonny really should have just left him on the moon.

After a moment he pulled back.

He must not have hidden his anguish well because Jonny frowned. His mouth opened and then closed followed by a noise of irritation.

He felt a trickle of warmth at Jonny not bothering to hide that his words had given out on him. 

He tried to smile. “I’m glad you’re happy, really. Just kinda sad that even though I’ve known you longer than most _civilizations_ last, I still haven’t gotten to see it before today.” 

Laiba had suggested that he try telling Jonny what was happening in his head if he wanted Jonny to agree to talk to him. He knew that Jonny had trouble with facial expressions sometimes and that during the war at least he tended to assume that any sign of upset was directed at him. He should probably explain himself.

Jonny had been worried about him. So Jonny definitely recognized that he was hurt by this being prompted by Jonny being happy. 

What was it Laiba had wanted him to use? Me statements? I statements? She’d said he should try telling Jonny what he felt like. And they were I statements because they were supposed to be “I feel-”, right.

Okay. He could do this.

He swallowed. “I’m a little upset with myself - that I never made you this happy before.” His voice got quieter and he let his eyes drop down. “That I never even tried really.”

Jonny made a face at him in response. It wasn’t quite like the face he pulled when he was offended, there was too much confusion for that. It was something similar though.

They probably needed to have this conversation when Jonny could talk again instead of now.

Jonny seemed to lose himself in thought so Tim let himself settle back on top of him. He hid his neck in Jonny’s neck.

He knew it probably wouldn’t help but he couldn’t stop himself from tightening his grip on Jonny’s hands in the desperate hope that it might keep them together.

After a few moments, Jonny turned his head and brushed a kiss against the top of his head. He let out a questioning noise. It took Tim a moment to answer.

“I’m- I’m okay. Mostly at least.” He was kind of distantly aware that he was reacting to this more emotionally than he normally would. “They uh. They had me in solitary.”

“About 50 years. Wasn’t the worst. The isolation was really the only thing that was bad about it. I uh. I actually still don’t know who it was that got me out. I assume Brian was involved since he’s the one who checked me over after but.” Tim gave a half-hearted shrug.

Jonny was trying to detangle one of his hands. Oh, Tim needed to let go.

Tim forced himself to let go.

Jonny wrapped the arm around Tim’s shoulders and pulled him closer. He started humming an upbeat song that Tim didn’t recognize.

Tim took the out he was being offered.

* * *

Eventually Tim managed to get to a point where he was more okay. 

Jonny has started humming more tuneless melodies periodically so it must have been a while.

He pulled and went to shift off of Jonny, apologies already forming.

Jonny whined and tightened the grip on his hand before he could speak though.

Maybe he wasn’t the only one who wanted to be clingy then. 

He shifted so he wasn’t putting as much pressure on him and smiled weakly.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to space out on you like that.”

Jonny shrugged, returning his gaze to the ceiling. “It happens. Solitary sucks for a reason.”

“Still... Pretty sure you’d normally have shot me as soon as look at me for being so maudlin in your sight actually.”

He could tell the joke fell a little flat. Still, he tried to hold the smile while he waited for some kind of reaction.

Jonny turned and gave a weak grin to him. “Pre’y sure you’d normally ‘ave sho’ me ‘fore lettin’ me see you e’en a little maudlin.”

He would have wouldn’t he?

Literally the only evidence he had that Jonny would have actually taken issue with him was his tendency to pick fights with anyone who seemed particularly down or was down for an extended time. 

Considering that he’d caught Jonny delivering alcohol or sweets to crew members that weren’t doing great long before he started annoying them into fighting him, it was actually more likely he resorted to using fights as a distraction when he didn’t know how else to help.

He had attacked Jonny continuously for hundreds of years after he was mechanized. And was always ready to turn any possible slight into a fight for a long time after that.

Jonny probably wouldn’t have shot him. He’d have shot Jonny for trying to help.

“...yeah. You’re probably right actually.”

He should probably apologize.

“...I’m pretty sure I owe you an apology actually. For the way I’ve treated you since…”

Since what. He’d treated Jonny like shit basically every moment that he hadn’t had to answer to Bertie.

“...well, since Bertie died actually.”

Jonny’s grip had tightened on him. Jonny had been happy, apparently first the first time in all the years he’d known him. Jonny had let him be gentle and soft and done stupid cutesy things back.

If he asked, Jonny might let him make amends.

“I um...do you think we can talk about it? I’d like to… I’d like to try and make amends. Actually be a good partner to you moving forward.”

Jonny just stared.

He looked confused.

He was clinging to Tim slightly, but panick was also edging in on his eyes.

Tim kissed him.

Which probably wasn’t the best decision right after he’d admitted he’d fucked up, but it seemed to calm Jonny down pretty effectively. It’d worked when he and Bertie had done it during the war too so maybe it would work here.

He whimpered slightly when Tim pulled back.

“It’s okay if the answer’s no.”

It probably should be. It wasn’t like he’d ever given Jonny any reason to believe that he actually gave a shit about him. 

Jonny probably _should_ say no.

He dropped his gaze so he didn’t have to watch Jonny figure out how to.

“I- I’d understand if you actually never wanted to see me again.” Tim let out a self-depreciated laugh. He certainly wouldn’t blame Jonny. He’d hurt him every chance he got and just twisted the knife deeper without a second thought.

He swallowed. His eyes were starting to water again. 

Glanced back up at Jonny. 

“I just-” Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath, braced himself. “Before we lost Bertie we said we were together, even if it never was a proper relationship because of the war. Bertie and I talked about doing things properly after. You seemed like you were on board with us bringing you home with us. I’d- I’d still really like to have that with you if you’re interested.”

Jonny stared at him, wide eyed.

He looked like he was in shock. 

_Stupid._

He shouldn’t have asked. He didn’t have any right to. He should leave.

He started pulling back, he could get dressed and be out of Jonny’s hair within a couple minutes.

_“No!”_

Jonny grabbed at him, clutching onto his shoulders.

He froze, his gaze coming back up to lock with Jonny’s. He was seriously going to start crying. 

He waited for Jonny to tell him how stupid an idea it was.

He pulled Tim into a kiss instead.

It was rough and messy. Their teeth clacked together when Jonny pulled him in. 

He knew Jonny enjoyed sleeping with him, he didn’t think that Jonny actually thought he only did it out of hatred though.

He didn’t kiss back.

After a few beats Jonny softened the kiss. He pulled back slightly so they weren’t pressed together so tightly. His grip on Tim’s shoulders didn’t waiver though.

Jonny _had_ been without words earlier. And he hadn’t looked angry. Just. blue screened. 

Maybe...maybe he just hadn’t believed Tim would even get his shit back together? Tim didn’t want to get his hopes up, but…

Hesitantly, he brought his hands up to grip at Jonny’s shoulders. He kissed back.

He opened his mouth. If Jonny wanted him Jonny could have everything. He’d give it gladly. 

...He just hoped that Jonny would take it.

Jonny didn’t deepen the kiss though. He did, however, pull back to take a breath before pressing an almost fragile kiss to Tim’s lips.

Even if Jonny didn’t want to take him back… Jonny had seemed pretty shaken every time Tim moved away from him since he got back. And he’d seemed to enjoy Tim laying on him.

So even if Jonny wasn’t willing to take him back maybe Jonny just couldn’t handle him leaving right now.

After a few moments he pulled back. He kept his gaze averted so he didn’t have to see whatever Jonny thought of him.

“I- I don’t want to go.” Tim's voice broke as he choked back tears. “But uh… I- if you don’t want to try and be in a- a relationship with me...I’m probably going to start crying an-”

Jonny’s arms wrapped around him. He tipped back down so that Tim was laying on top of him and held Tim tightly. His face pressed into Tim’s hair and he started making little half formed shushing noises.

Tim gave up and just started sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tim might think he's got his shit together mostly but he would be very very wrong. Especially considering how recently he was dealing with long term solitary. Sad part of trauma is it will be worse before it gets better.
> 
> Jonny's POV is up next. I figure I'll save y'all the suffering of a cliff hanger and wait until I can post it alongside the next chapter though.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	5. What Goes Up Must Come Down (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim's come home and he wants to be able to love Jonny again. Jonny's only good with words on stage though so how can he help Tim? Tim's not the only one with fairly recent trauma to work through either.
> 
> Some talking finally happens though!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced BDSM  
> \- implied/referenced impact play  
> \- implied/referenced unhealthy relationship  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- implied/referenced dissociation  
> \- breakdowns  
> \- aftermath of torture  
> \- panick attacks  
> \- flashbacks  
> \- self-esteem issues  
> \- mention of of suicide attempts/suicide  
> \- implied/referenced mind control  
> \- implied/referenced past torture  
> \- mild descriptions of torture
> 
> Like half of the list is only a line or two, but still. We're getting into Jonny's view on his and Tim's relationship since they lost Bertie as well as a little bit about what happened to him while Tim was gone. So uh, it's gonna get rough we catch up with Tim's last chapter.

Awareness came slowly to Jonny as he awoke. 

The pressure was _no bueno_. There couldn’t be more than one or two blankets over him.

That wasn’t a good sign. He was fairly certain he’d gone to sleep in ~~_su cielito_~~ _Tim’s_ room the same as he had every night since the station. If he was already risking the ridicule that was sure to come when the others realized he wasn’t living in his own quarters there was no reason to deprive himself of the comfort several blankets offered.

A hand was running through his hair gently. A second rested low on his back, thumbing against his kidneys.

That would explain the lack of blankets.

Jonny grumbled and pressed further into his pillow only to have it start vibrating.

_Tim._

He must be trying to suppress a laugh.

A heavy weight dug into his hip as he tried to curl further into Tim.

His thoughts were still sluggish from sleep. For once there wasn't an energy buzzing under his skin forcing him up and moving.

This was nice. Tim was warm. And even if the pressure was off he was still enough asleep that it didn’t matter.

Tim hummed under him. "You gonna wake up?"

"...no."

The laugh Tim let out startled him. His head shot up to stare at the ethereal being before him.

Even before Bertie had died, he didn't think he'd even seen Tim look so...free.

_F_ _uck._ He wanted more of whatever this was. 

Tim seemed to notice him watching. "What?"

"You're gorgeous."

He hadn’t meant to _say_ that. It wasn’t like it was a lie or anything. He just didn’t normally say stuff like that - even in the heat of the moment.

Jonny watched as Tim's cheeks bloomed. He was acting almost like he'd never been told he was pretty before. It was fascinating to watch.

He had to get told how good he looked often, right? Jonny knew he slept with Ashes fairly often and they definitely had a thing for making sure their partner knew how much they enjoyed the sight whether they were beating or fucking said partner.

Jonny needed to figure this out. Needed to _remember_ to figure this out. 

"Th-thanks. Though really, I should be the one saying that."

Jonny hummed in response. Instinctively he just darted up to press a kiss to Tim's cheek. "Nope. You're definitely the pretty one here."

Tim gasped, hands flying to Jonny's hips. His cheeks had somehow gotten redder.

_Oh, that was a very nice sight._

"I-I’m really _not_."

Jonny sat up and grabbed Tim’s face. "Yes. You. Are." He punctuated each word with a kiss to another part of Tim’s face. 

Tim was actually trying to avoid _his_ gaze for once. Even as he continued objecting. 

_Did Tim think that just because Jonny didn’t compliment him when he got all dolled up he didn’t like how ze looked? Jonny needed to remember to tell hir ze looked pretty the next time ze wanted to. Maybe if he did Tim would actually believe him about being the prettier one._

Jonny brushed barely there kisses against Tim's neck and jaw. Interrupted himself to push further praises to Tim's visage through his attempted denials and deflections.

He felt surprisingly warm, his whole body was almost tingly. Giddy laughter bubbling up inside of him and overflowing as he continued complimenting Tim.

Tim was squirming beneath him, occasionally letting out small gasps and whines. He didn't seem to be trying to move Jonny though and it wasn't like Jonny was holding him down so he could easily move Jonny if he wanted to. 

Distantly Jonny registered that his own position, straddling Tim's hips and curling over his torso to kiss him, was likely playing a factor in his reactions.

If Tim actually took issue with Jonny’s actions then he could stop Jonny. Until then Jonny was going to keep decorating his face with kisses.

The world suddenly spun as Tim twisted, shoving Jonny onto his back. His hands were grabbed and pinned in place on either side of his head. Tim's own body shifted into place so it was holding him to the bed. 

Demanding lips were suddenly on his, licking and biting.

Which, okay, was very nice to be fair. Jonny was trying to tell Tim how pretty ze was though. And making out meant he _couldn't do that and was very distracting, Tim!_

He told Tim so as best he could around his lips. 

When Tim shifted his mouth to begin sucking and biting marks onto his jaw and neck, Jonny went right back to detailing all the ways Tim was the most beautiful person that ever lived (even if he didn’t actually say that. He had to maintain _some_ amount of dignity) - if now interrupted by the occasionally moan or gasp when Tim found a particularly sensitive spot.

* * *

After a while Tim seemed to get tired of trying to distract him from how good he looked. He groaned as he went limp on top of Jonny.

Which - _oh. That was. Very nice._

His head landed right next to Jonny’s. His hands uncurled enough that Jonny could shift the hold to tangle their fingers together.

A rush of warmth flowed through him again. Jonny couldn’t stop grinning. He didn’t _want_ to stop grinning. 

That was odd. Normally when he couldn’t stop doing something it was terrifying. This felt more like he just continuously had a reason to start grinning.

He didn’t think this had even happened when they were with Bertie.

He turned his head to look at Tim and just watched him for a moment. He was muttering under his breath, sounding vaguely irritated even if it sounded like he was smiling.

"I'm being serious. You're beautiful. Like an angel or something. I dunno how you manage to not end up the center of attention every time we go planet side."

Tim turned his head to glare at him. It wasn't exactly effective. His hair was a mess, hanging in front of his face still. Jonny could see the corner of his mouth twitching as he fought a smile. 

He leaned forward and pecked Tim's nose.

_What the actual fuck did he do that for?_

Tim’s face made him giggle.

_Dios_. He was actually giggling like some school girl.

He felt less jittery like this than he normally did, but he'd definitely woken up enough by now that he felt like he should be vibrating.

Tim shifted off of him to shake his hair back before dropping down again, letting the grin overtake his face. 

“Yeah, yeah. Apparently you think I’m pretty enough to spend who knows how long telling me about it.”

Jonny hummed. “You didn’t seem like you believed me earlier. Seemed the easiest way to get the point across.”

Tim snorted. Shook his head and pressed closer, tucking his face into the side of Jonny’s neck.

"So what happened to you? You're usually more violent than this."

Was he? He felt warmer than normal. His chest felt tight, but in a good way - like it was too full. Tim didn’t hate him, so he could do stuff like cuddle with him.

He supposed he usually was rougher with Tim. Liked to take advantage of how easily Tim could move him - and how little he could do to actually hurt Tim. Was that what Tim meant?

Tim pulled slightly to look at him. He had an odd look on his face. Jonny wasn't sure what it was.

He didn't look angry. Or upset or horny or anything else Jonny could think of. He kinda looked confused? But not really.

His distress must of shown on his face because Tim was suddenly nuzzling his cheek like a pup. 

"I didn't say I didn't like it you know. Actually pretty nice, getting to hold you just because I can. Getting to just kiss you instead of it having to lead to sex."

Jonny couldn't help but squirm at that. It was _too_ _much!_ He didn’t know what to do with the feelings rising in his chest.

It felt like he should be floating - he’d actually be worried that the artificial gravity was off if he couldn’t feel the bed under him. He was red, but not the red of blood. A soft red - almost pink, and orange and yellow.

Tim _liked_ holding him and kissing him just because. 

His stomach churned except it wasn’t bad. It felt like he was under a microscope but like he was holding audience on stage but like there was no one else in all of time and space.

His fingers fluttered against the back of Tim’s hands without any input from him. His eyes couldn’t focus on one spot for more than half a second.

"I'm just curious what I missed that brought this on."

He didn’t know what made this different than before Tim was gone.

He just...was letting it happen?

Tim was back and he’d actually woken up on his own not from a nightmare and he was _happy okay._

Oh. That’s what this was. He was happy. ...huh.

Tim was still waiting for an answer. 

“Dunno. Just...happy I guess?”

Tim looked heartbroken.

Why? It wasn’t like Jonny had said something bad had happened. 

Which it _had_ but it’s not like Tim knew about the station. He’d been gone.

Tim shifted and kissed him. Which, okay. It was admittedly a very nice kiss. He was starting to understand why people made such a big deal about gentle kisses. They made him feel weightless - and not in the ‘panick because the Aurora was at least partly offline’ way.

Tim had looked incredibly sad before he kissed Jonny though. Like, more sad than when Bertie had died. Which. That probably wasn’t good.

When Tim pulled back he still looked sad, though it wasn’t as bad. Jonny could feel the edge of cold starting to creep into his thoughts.

He frowned at Tim. Opened his mouth and

- _dammit! Of all the times for his thoughts to turn to notes!_

Tim must have realized what he wanted despite his inability to put it in words though as he gave Jonny a smile. 

“I’m glad you’re happy, really. Just kinda sad that even though I’ve known you longer than most _civilizations_ last, I still haven’t gotten to see it before today.” 

What? Tim had seen him happy before though?

...Right?

Tim was quiet for a moment, his eyes focusing to the left of Jonny like they tended to when he was thinking.

He swallowed. “I’m a little upset with myself - that I never made you this happy before.” His voice got quieter, his eyes dropping like he was trying to look down. “That I never even tried really.”

Jonny could feel himself pulling a face at that.

Tim had made him happy plenty. Sure, his memory wasn’t the greatest, but Jonny honestly couldn’t remember many times he’d been happy _without_ Tim...and the vast majority of those were still after he’d met him.

It wasn’t even like Jonny actually valued happiness all that much even! For some reason Tim seemed to really care about making Jonny happy though? He supposed it did fit. Before Tim hated him Tim had been obsessed with making him smile and laugh over something besides violence.

Bertie had been more sedate about it, but he’d also seemed to want Jonny smiling with a sometimes desperate fervor. He’d always wanted to do things for Jonny. Tim too, but he’d actually seemed upset on days that Jonny did everything himself. After they’d agreed that the three of them were _together_ it’d gotten worse. Jonny hadn’t been sure how to deal with it until he’d noticed that Tim never tried to make himself tea in the mornings. He’d always wait for Bertie to bring it to him with a kiss.

A question about what was so special about ‘the first cup of caf’ one evening had got him a horrified look and his own cup the next morning. A quiet admission that it was good (and a lie that it was better than coffee, though not about the caf their rations included) had been all it took for Bertie to include him in the odd ritual. It’d been a lot easier to distract Bertie from his thoughts when he didn’t do anything for Jonny after that. Some of his apparent need to take care of Jonny satisfied by that simple action.

Jonny hadn’t been about to complain. He’d gotten something better than caf to wake him up in the morning, kisses that warmed him in a still new way, and a boyfriend who’s smile would light up the whole room over simple things like being allowed to wash Jonny’s dishes.

Actually, now that he thought about it, that’s probably where Tim’s decision to undress him last night had come from. After particularly bad stretches that ended with them in a larger camp, Bertie had never seemed to really settle until he’d stripped them both, bathed them as best as the supplies allowed, fixed any loose bandages, and put them to bed. 

He definitely would have promised Tim that he was going to do things like undress Jonny before bed. With how fragile he’d sometimes treated Jonny, it shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise that he’d apparently made Tim promise the same.

Tim had settled back on top of Jonny while he’d been lost in thought. His grip on Jonny’s hands had tightened some and his face was pressed into Jonny’s neck. 

All in all it almost felt like he was clinging to Jonny.

Jony turned his head so he could brush a kiss against the top of his head. He let out a questioning noise. When Tim didn’t immediately react he started trying to gather his thoughts into a proper question to ask.

“I’m- I’m okay. Mostly at least.” Tim answered before he got a question together. “They uh. They had me in solitary.”

_Fuck._ That wasn’t good. 

“About 50 years.”

And the fact that Tim was this put together already almost definitely meant he’d died at least once since getting out.

“Wasn’t the worst. The isolation was really the only thing that was bad about it. I uh. I actually still don’t know who it was that got me out. I assume Brian was involved since he’s the one who checked me over after but.” Tim gave a half-hearted shrug.

Jonny detangled his right hand with some difficulty as he had to wait for Tim to consciously register it before he could do so safely. Once he had his hand back he wrapped it around Tim’s shoulders and tugged him closer.

He started humming, trying his best to stick to happier songs even as he settled in for however long it took Tim to be ready to face the rest of the crew.

* * *

Jonny went through a good portion of the songs he could remember before Tim decided that he was ready to acknowledge the world again. He pulled back and shifted so he wasn’t quite as much on top of Jonny.

He must have made some sort of noise of complaint because Tim closed his mouth and smiled at him.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to space out on you like that.”

Jonny shrugged, returning his gaze to the ceiling so Tim wouldn’t try to maintain eye contact. “It happens. Solitary sucks for a reason.”

“Still... Pretty sure you’d normally have shot me as soon as look at me for being so maudlin in your sight actually.”

Tim... _sounded_ like he was joking. That was probably meant to be a joke.

He glanced at Tim out of the corner of his eye. 

He was watching Jonny, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Definitely a joke then.

Jonny shot his own not quite grin at Tim. “Pretty sure you’d have normally have shot me before letting me see you even a little maudlin.”

Tim was quiet.

Did he not do it right?

“...yeah. You’re probably right actually.”

...okay? Was that not the point?

“...I’m pretty sure I owe you an apology actually. For the way I’ve treated you since…” Tim trailed off.

Jonny turned to look at him. He seemed upset, though he wasn’t really looking at Jonny at the moment.

“...well, since Bertie died actually.”

_What?! Why? Tim had been mad at him, probably hated him - and rightfully so. It was his fault that Bertie died._

“I um...do you think we can talk about it? I’d like to… I’d like to try and make amends. Actually be a good partner to you moving forward.”

Jonny just stared.

What was Tim talking about? Jonny was the one who was a bad partner not him. 

Tim’s eyebrows had drawn together and he was watching Jonny intently. He was probably waiting for Jonny to answer him. 

Jonny _wanted_ to talk about it. He really did. If they talked about it then he could figure out how to be _good_ and then Tim might love him again. He just- Jonny honestly didn’t think he _could_ though. Like. even if he didn’t get upset and end up fighting Tim instead, the words were going to get stuck. Or come out wrong. Or he’d somehow manage to find the one thing that _actually would_ make Tim hate him so much that he wouldn’t keep him anymore.

Tim was kissing him again.

He whimpered slightly when Tim pulled back.

“It’s okay if the answer’s no. I- I’d understand if you actually never wanted to see me again.” Tim gave this joyless laugh. Swallowed. Glanced back up at Jonny. His eyes were watery.

...was Tim crying?

“I just-” Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them he seemed to have braced himself. “Before we lost Bertie we said we were together, even if it never was a proper relationship because of the war. Bertie and I talked about doing things properly after. You seemed like you were on board with us bringing you home with us. I’d- I’d still really like to have that with you if you’re interested.”

Jonny stared at him, wide eyed.

Tim _wanted_ to actually be in a _proper relationship_ with _him???_ Hell, the way Tim was talking it sounded almost like Tim wanted to love him again.

Tim was pulling back though? He was still _-or maybe again?-_ talking. Something about sorry and shouldn’t have assumed and wouldn’t try and ask again?

“No!” He grabbed at Tim as best he could.

Tim froze, his gaze coming back up to lock with Jonny’s. His eyes looked properly wet now, tears threatening to start falling. He stared at Jonny.

Oh. He’d said that out loud hadn’t he?

It didn’t matter because he was _certain_ this time that Tim wasn’t _actually_ trying to leave. He thought Jonny didn’t want him so he was leaving before Jonny had to watch him cry over it.

At least. Jonny hoped he was right this time.

He pulled Tim back into a hard kiss. 

Tim didn’t kiss back.

_Idioco! Of course you would be wrong! Why would he want you?_

Nononono. He was _right this time damned it!_ Tim _wanted_ to love him. That’s why Tim wanted to talk so that he could tell Jonny what he had to fix so Tim could love him.

Jonny easied up though he didn’t loosen his grip on Tim. He tried to gentle the kiss though he didn’t think he was succeeding.

_Please._ He thought. _Please give me another chance._

Slowly, hesitantly, Tim’s hands moved up to grip Jonny back. He began kissing back. He didn’t try to take control of the kiss like normal though.

Tim opened his mouth. Normally Jonny would take advantage of the opportunity to deepen the kiss, but… he didn’t _think_ that would help here?

Tim had seemed to like the mostly chaste kisses he’d been giving Jonny. And he’d said that it was nice, kissing Jonny without it just being foreplay. So that meant. That meant that _not_ deepening it was the better choice right?

Even if Jonny couldn’t kiss him right, at least this way maybe he’d understand that Jonny wanted this too. That Jonny wanted to be good for him. Jonny was just _really really bad at it_. Maybe that’d be enough.

Jonny pulled back slightly to take a breath before tilting his head and pressing another kiss to Tim’s mouth.

_Oh. That’s how he does it._

With the new angle it was easier to kiss Tim gently. Jonny’s kiss was still more frantic than Tim’s own had been, but it was definitely gentler than normal than their normal kisses.

After a few moments Tim pulled back. He still was avoiding Jonny’s gaze. Which, while nice, wasn’t exactly reassuring.

Tim always wanted eye contact when he was talking.

“I- I don’t want to go.” Tim's voice broke, it sounded like he was still on the verge of tears. “But uh… I- if you don’t want to try and be in a- a relationship with me...I’m probably going to start crying an-”

Jonny _tried_ to let Tim finish. He really did. But Tim was _already_ crying and the only thing he knew to maybe help was hug him. 

So he did.

He pulled Tim back on top of him and wrapped his arms as tight around him as he could and _held on_. He buried his face in Tim’s hair and started writing a script for when Tim’s sobs subsided enough for him to listen.

* * *

Eventually Tim stopped crying. Or at least stopped sobbing.

Jonny rubbed circles on his back for a few moments before Tim choked out another apology. It seemed like he was about to start talking again so Jonny dug his nails into his shoulder.

It got him a very pleasing yelp and a less pleasing glare.

He pulled Tim back down.

“I- I have a script so shut up…”

Tim relaxed back into his hold laughing once he got through that. 

He felt warmth flood his chest again.

“I’ll say when I’m done.”

He paused to take a breath.

He could do this. He had a _script._

“I- I wanted it. Everything you an- and Bertie offered. I wanted to go home with you both.”

“After Bertie di- died.” Fuck. now he was getting choked up.

“I- I didn’t. Didn’t think that was an option.”

Tim pressed a kiss to his collarbone and ran a hand down his arm.

He took another breath.

“You kinda lost it. Bu- but you didn’t leave. You- uh. You came back to me. Every night. Even- even if you wouldn’t touch me. Or really seemed to care.”

He glanced down at Tim then immediately shot his gaze right back to the ceiling. Tim looked so _pained._

He swallowed. He could do this. He had a script. And Tim wanted to hear it.

“Af- after you.” He had to take another breath. “After you died I didn’t bother trying. I uh- I actually spent a while in a spiral of killing myself every time I came to. I don’t actually know how long that lasted.”

He could feel Tim frowning against his chest.

“The uh- the Toy Soldier was the one who snapped me out of it. It hunted me down and stripped me of weapons while I was dead. After I regenerated enough to understand it, it told me that you were here.”

“...I’m not sure what happened after that. I remember screaming and then nothing until the Doc’s lab.”

Tim made a soft noise. Jonny glared at him. He didn’t start talking thankfully.

“She’d already got the mechanism underway. You were breathing. And uh- were mostly fine. Just had your eyes missing. She was talking about needing to make sure everything was calibrated correctly or something.”

“She said if I behaved I could stay. Otherwise she would be forced to remove me. ...I didn’t want you to wake up alone so I agreed. The next few...days I think? Are a blur. She- She let me help some. She stopped doing that after I tried to delete the bioprogramming to keep us from killing her from Brian. I guess she figured I wouldn’t risk it with you.”

“After sh- after _we_ finished, she pulled the drip and let you wake up. And you hated me. I mean. I get it. I don’t know why I expected you not to. But it. It hurt.”

Tim dragged them both up a bit so he could slide an arm behind Jonny and squeezed him tightly.

“And even though we started fucking again after you decided you didn’t care enough to keep killing me, you never seemed like you forgave me. So um. I gave up. But you still kept me so I tried not to be too much.”

“But I- I want this. I want to be good for you. I- I will be. I just don’t know how.”

Tim’s grip turned almost painful, the nails of the hand not holding Jonny digging into his arm.

Jonny whimpered. Tim immediately let go -which. Okay, but he didn’t _have_ to.

It was quiet for a moment as Jonny gathered his thoughts back together.

“I- um. I don’t think I can do that again though. So um. I’ll try. I really will. But you have to tell me how. I don’t- I don’t know how to be good. So you have to tell me how an- and if I mess up tell me. I don’t know. I want. I- fuck.”

He could feel Tim clenching his fist tightly where it rested against his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if Tim was trembling or shaking in rage. 

...he was too scared to look.

“Fuck. I. there was. ...I don’t think I can talk. About us I mean. -I’ll try. I really will. It’s just hard. An- and I don’t think it’ll work. -and I can listen. I promise I can do that. I just don’t know about the talking. But I- ...I’m pretty sure that was it so um… you can talk now.”

Tim took several deep breaths before unclenching his fist. He ran his hand up and down Jonny’s side a few times.

“Okay. okay. I.” He took another deep breath.

Jonny realized he was shaking.

“Okay. First thing. You did nothing wrong. I promise. There was absolutely nothing you did that caused my actions. I’m the one that fucked up not you.”

That wasn’t right. It was always Jonny’s fault. He was a fuck up. And a mistake. He was lucky Carmilla had taken pity on him otherwise he would have been fertilizer a thousand times over by the time he’d even left his home _territory_.

“I- fuck.” Tim’s weight suddenly shifted and then Jonny was being kissed again.

This time Tim pushed the kiss deep. Replacing every coherent thought in Jonny’s mind with himself. He held it there, keeping Jonny’s focus on him until Jonny started feeling faint.

Finally Tim pulled back, grabbing Jonny’s hair tightly in a fist.

“You listen here. Whatever bullshit your head is trying to feed you is _wrong,_ ” he snarled. “You were so good for me and Bertie both. You were damn near perfect. Every single complaint we had was either something you’ve proven time and again since was a direct result of us being in a goddamn warzone, or that we couldn’t do anything about what was hurting you.”

“ _I’m_ the one who fucked up. _I’m_ the one who decided revenge was more important than our relationship. _I’m_ the one who decided to assume you’d given me over to be tortured by a madwoman and denied any hope of seeing Bertie again instead of _asking_ what happened. _I’m_ the one who decided to keep the status quo of brutalizing each other like we never once cared instead of trying to fix things between us.”

“The _only_ thing that you can argue is your fault is that for some godforsaken reason you stuck around and waited for me instead of giving up on my useless arse like you should have.”

Jonny couldn’t respond. Distantly he realized he was shaking with sobs.

It couldn’t be true. Jonny was the one who fucked up. It was _always_ Jonny’s fault. Tim was the one who could be good. Not Jonny. No matter how much Jonny wanted to, he always messed up. 

If Jonny could be good then Bertie wouldn’t have died. If Jonny could be good then Tim wouldn’t have died in the first place. If Jonny could be good then Ivy wouldn’t be hurt and in pain every time she tried to remember anything fromherpast. IfJonnycouldbegoodthenBrianwouldn’tbetrappedbetweenBoringBrianandCoolBrian. IfJonnycouldbegoodthenAsheswouldn’t- Ifjonnycouldbegoodifjonnycouldbegoodigjonnycouldbegood-

_If Jonny could be good then Tim wouldn’t have left._

Tim was gone for _187 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours._

And he missed him - at least he assumes that's what it was. Thinking about him while he was gone had felt like thinking about Bertie. It _hurt_.

His chest was tight and it felt like there was something wrong with his mechanism even though he knew there wasn’t. He _knew he knew he knew!_

_He’d checked!_

_He’d let Carmilla check when he first came back from the moon even though that’s what made her decide to mechanism Tim._

_He’d gotten Nastya to check over and over and even Brian a few times._

_A lot had happened while Tim was gone and it was bad and it was even worse because Tim_ wasn’t _there so he couldn’t even try and hold it together enough that Tim would hold him and he could pretend that Tim still loved him._

_They’d made the mistake of exploring that space station and it had been a disaster. He didn’t remember how they got out._

_They got separated almost as soon as they got on board and then bad things happened and it was better because he was alone so she couldn’t hurt anyone else, but it hurt it hurt_

_it hurt i_ _thurt ithurtithurt_

_No. It wasn’t good he was alone because he wasn’t in her lab. There were many doctors here and it was bad. He was alone, except he wasn’t always alone and he didn’t come here alone so if he was alone now then it must be his fault._

_His fault his faulthishault_

_He killed them. He must have. It was his fault they were dead because he didn’t protect them._

“Jonny? Jonny?!”

He blinked.

Tim was hovering over him, holding him down.

He looked scared.

That wasn’t right. 

Tim hadn’t been there with him.

Tim had been gone. And they’d found what looked like an abandoned space station so they’d gone ahead and explored it. Only it wasn’t abandoned.

They’d been ambushed and he’d made sure the others got back to the shuttle first. Only...he hadn’t had enough time to get back himself.

There’d been an explosion he remembered. And then he was in a lab.

Again. 

It hadn’t been the Doc’s lab. It’d been worse. There were some many more doctors. All chattering, arguing, fighting over who got to do what to him when.

They’d strapped a device to his head. Some sort of virtual reality thing. It’d made him relive his memories.

They hadn’t even had the decency to admit it was torture. No.

Instead, they’d somehow found every memory he held dear and had him walk through them. 

Over and Over.

The same whispered conversations. The same gentle kisses. The same exhilarating fights. The same sobbing relief.

And then they’d pull it off.

And they’d ask questions. Just like the Doc did. Except they didn’t want answers. Not really. They just wanted his reactions to the questions.

And they cut him open. Without anesthesia. Without killing him. without so much as bothering to gag him.

Except he knew they had to have been drugging him somehow. 

Because _every time_ they pulled him out of his memories Bertie was there. 

Just standing there. Silent.

Occasionally he’d frown. 

He took notes. And watched as they took him apart.

And he’d promised _he’d promised he’d promised!_ That he would always love him. So he wouldn’t. He _wouldn’t let them hurt him._

And he was dead. He was _dead._ And there was nothing anyone could do to change that. Jonny _knew_ there wasn’t because he’d _tried_. 

He’d gone back after him as soon as Tim let go of him. Because Bertie had _promised_ there wasn’t anything he could do to make him stop loving him so all he had to do was get him to the Doc’s lab.

He could have killed her if necessary. If he’d asked the others would have helped distract her. Long enough that he could have mechanized Bertie and it would have been okay even if she would have hurt him worse than ever before in punishment.

_Except there hadn’t been a body! There hadn’t been anything! He was completely gone. Forever._

Jonny was suddenly trapped on the lab table again. Pressure tight around his wrists and ankles, but absolutely nothing anywhere else.

Doctors were hovering over him, chattering in a language he didn't recognize. The woman in charge standing at the foot of his bed, watching him.

Bertie was standing beside her, taking notes without even looking at him.

_Where was Tim? Tim was just with him, what did they do to him?_

Jonny screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! This is actually the best place to break Jonny's POV though. Tim's tries to make it better though! So just click next.
> 
> I'd love to hear y'all's theories on what actually happened since I think at this point it's fairly obvious Jonny isn't a reliable narrator. I mean, _I _know what actually happened, dunno how much or little of that is making its way through Jonny's self-esteem issues though.__
> 
> _  
> _If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them._  
> _
> 
> _  
> _Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
>  ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)__


	6. Mind Unchecked (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim ...might not be as okay as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced BDSM  
> \- implied/referenced unhealthy relationship  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- implied/referenced dissociation  
> \- breakdowns  
> \- aftermath of torture  
> \- panick attacks  
> \- flashbacks  
> \- self-esteem issues/self-loathing  
> \- mention of of suicide attempts/suicide  
> \- implied/referenced mind control  
> \- implied/referenced past torture  
> \- heavy dissociation  
> \- implied/referenced past abuse  
> \- forceful restraint of people having panick attacks
> 
> Like half of the list is only a line or two, but still. We're covering Tim's POV on Jonny's discussion of his and Tim's relationship since they lost Bertie as well as Tim's reactions to that.

Eventually Tim stopped crying. Or at least stopped sobbing.

Jonny rubbed circles on his back for a few moments before Tim choked out another apology. Before he could say anything else Jonny dug his nails into his shoulder.

It _hurt_. 

Tim yelped and shot a glare up at Jonny.

He pulled Tim back down.

“I- I have a script so shut up…”

Oh. 

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Jonny was only good with words on stage and he had a script for most of that.

He laughed lightly as he relaxed into Jonny’s still clinging hold.

“I’ll say when I’m done.”

Jonny paused and took a deep breath.

“I- I wanted it. Everything you an- and Bertie offered. I wanted to go home with you both.”

“After Bertie di- died.” 

“I- I didn’t. Didn’t think that was an option.”

Tim pressed a kiss to his collarbone and ran a hand down his arm.

He took another breath.

“You kinda lost it. Bu- but you didn’t leave. You- uh. You came back to me. Every night. Even- even if you wouldn’t touch me. Or really seemed to care that I was there.”

He’d fucked up so bad. He’d known he’d all but ignored Jonny in the time between Bertie’s death and his own mechanization, but he hadn’t realized he’d made Jonny think he didn’t care about him without Bertie.

“Af- after you.” He had to take another breath. “After you died I didn’t bother trying. I uh- I actually spent a while in a spiral of killing myself every time I came to. I don’t actually know how long that lasted.”

What? He knew he’d lost some time between blowing up the moon and coming to in the Doc’s lab but surely it couldn’t have been more than a week or two at most?

“The uh- the Toy Soldier was the one who snapped me out of it. It hunted me down and stripped me of weapons while I was dead. After I regenerated enough to understand it, it told me that you were here.”

“...I’m not sure what happened after that. I remember screaming and then nothing until the Doc’s lab.”

Laiba had been right. 

He should have just talked to Jonny from the start. He’d assumed Jonny had been the one who brought him to the lab but he wasn’t. If the Toy Soldier hadn’t gotten Jonny then Jonny wouldn’t have even known he was alive.

“She’d already got the mechanism underway. You were breathing. And uh- were mostly fine. Just had your eyes missing still. She was talking about needing to make sure everything was calibrated correctly or something.”

Just how long had Carmilla kept him there, alive but unconscious? Had she been waiting specifically until Jonny showed up?

“She said if I behaved I could stay. Otherwise she would be forced to remove me. ...I didn’t want you to wake up alone so I agreed. The next few...days I think? Are a blur. She- She let me help some. She stopped doing that after I tried to delete the bioprogramming to keep us from killing her from Brian. I guess she figured I wouldn’t risk it with you.”

He’d always known Jonny cared more than he let on. Just how much- how _often_ had he been punished for trying to protect people to get to this point?

“After sh- after _we_ finished, she pulled the drip and let you wake up. And you hated me. I mean. I get it. I don’t know why I expected you not to. But it. It hurt.”

Tim dragged them both up a bit so he could slide an arm behind Jonny and squeezed him tightly. Jonny tightened his own grip on him in response.

“And even though we started fucking again after you decided you didn’t care enough to keep killing me, you never seemed like you forgave me. So um. I gave up. But you still kept me so I tried not to be too much.”

“But I- I want this. I want to be good for you. I- I will be. I just don’t know how.”

He’d fucked up so bad. 

Jonny actually thought _he_ was the problem here?

Jonny whimpered. Tim realized he’d started digging his nails into Jonny’s arm and let go. He curled his hand into a fist so he couldn’t hurt Jonny with it.

Jonny was quiet for a moment.

“I- um. I don’t think I can do that again though. So um. I’ll try. I really will. But you have to tell me how. I don’t- I don’t know how to be good. So you have to tell me how an- and if I mess up tell me. I don’t know. I want. I- fuck.”

“Fuck. I. there was. ...I don’t think I can talk. About us I mean. -I’ll try. I really will. It’s just hard. An- and I don’t think it’ll work. -I can listen. I promise I can do that. I just don’t know about the talking. But I- ...I’m pretty sure that was it so um… you can talk now.”

Tim took several deep breaths before unclenching his fist. He ran his hand up and down Jonny’s side a few times.

“Okay. okay. I.” He took another deep breath.

Jonny was shaking.

“Okay. First thing. You did nothing wrong. I promise. There was absolutely nothing you did that caused my actions. I’m the one that fucked up not you.”

Jonny was shaking his head at him.

“I- fuck.” Tim sat up and kissed him..

This time Tim pushed the kiss deep. Holding it so that Jonny had to either fight him or submit until he was gasping into Tim’s mouth.

Finally Tim pulled back, grabbing Jonny’s hair. In the back of his mind he noted that his grip was too tight.

“You listen here. Whatever bullshit your head is trying to feed you is _wrong,_ ” he snarled. 

He knew that talking to Jonny with this type of tone wasn’t going to help. Jonny was going to think Tim was angry with him, not himself. He needed to stop and calm down. 

...He just kept talking though. 

“You were so good for me and Bertie both. You were damn near perfect. Every single complaint we had was either something you’ve proven time and again since was a direct result of us being in a goddamn warzone, or that we couldn’t do anything about what was hurting you.”

Jonny had started sobbing. He had watched as the tears had started falling.

_Why wasn’t he shutting up?!?!?_

“ _I’m_ the one who fucked up. _I’m_ the one who decided revenge was more important than our relationship. _I’m_ the one who decided to assume you’d given me over to be tortured by a madwoman and denied any hope of seeing Bertie again instead of _asking_ what happened. _I’m_ the one who decided to keep the status quo of brutalizing each other like we never once cared instead of trying to fix things between us.”

Jonny was clinging to him. He needed to comfort Jonny.

He managed to get his body to cooperate enough to lay down on Jonny.

“The _only_ thing that you can argue is your fault is that for some godforsaken reason you stuck around and waited for me instead of giving up on my useless arse like you should have.”

Jonny was whispering something frantically. “ _If I was good-”_

After a few moments of this Jonny began to grow still again.

The sobs had mostly pettered out, but he was still gasping for breath. 

His eyes were unfocused and he didn’t seem to be registering Tim anymore.

Tim shook him as best he could without getting off.

“Jonny? Jonny?!”

Jonny blinked. His eyes refocused on Tim for a few moments before going hazy again.

Jonny started squirming beneath him more violently than earlier. More like he was trying to get out from under Tim than his normal inability to stay still.

Tim shifted to look and saw his eyes darting around the room unfocused. "Jonny?"

Instead of answering Jonny started hyperventilating.

 _Shit_.

Tim scrambled to get off of him. As soon as he was no longer holding him down, Jonny started thrashing.

“Jonny! _Jonny! I’m right here! I’m sorry._ ”

That's when the screaming started.

_Nononono._

_Stupid stupid stupid._

Of course he would just give Jonny flashbacks. Because he couldn’t do one good thing for Jonny could he?

He _tried._

He kept talking to Jonny.

Offering whatever came to mind trying to snap Jonny out of it. 

His head felt like it was splitting in two. Spots were starting to dance in his vision.

Hands were suddenly on his face turning him to look at someone. There were voices aside from Jonny’s now.

He had failed. He’d just made things worse. He should have just stayed in the godforsaken prison. Things would have been better that way. He couldn’t have hurt anyone there.

His hand jerked to the side as pain lit up on his cheek.

He turned back to see a man standing in front of him, a hand raised.

“What. Happened.”

He told the man.

Told him how he’d tried to ask if he could make amends but all he’d done is make himself cry and upset Jonny. How Jonny had told him how much he’d failed. How much he’d hurt him.

He told him how Jonny thought he was to blame for all the things that were his fault. How instead of comforting Jonny he’d yelled at him. How he’d sent Jonny into a flashback and now he couldn’t do anything to help.

He was hauled upright.

There was another man there as well. He had Jonny wrapped in his arms and held tight despite his thrashing. Unlike the other, this man was metal. 

_Brian._

Right. And the other man was _Marius_. 

Aurora must have sent them when all he did was make it worse.

He was pulled over to Brian and Jonny and deposited on the bed.

“You’re going to hold Jonny and talk to him about something non-violent.”

“Now tell me that you understand and what you’re going to do.”

He was going to hold Jonny and talk to him about something non-violent. He could do that.

It would make it worse though.

He told Marius so.

Brian just shoved Jonny into his arms.

Hands were moving over him as he was gathered into Brian’s lap and pressed against him.

He started telling Jonny about the garden Bertie had managed to rig in the spare bedroom of their flat.

Marius sat down behind him and wrapped his arms around him and Jonny both to grab onto Brian. He pressed closer forcing Tim, and in turn Jonny, closer to Brian.

He moved on to telling Jonny about the dance hall - that wasn’t really a dance hall and most probably illegal - a couple of blocks from their flat.

Warm lips brushed across his shoulder followed by cool ones over his forehead.

He told Jonny about the odd little bookshop in SoHo with its petty but kind owner and its terrifying but protective giant snake where Bertie had always gone when he had to write a paper for his college classes.

A quiet voice started singing a lilting song in a language he didn’t quite recognize.

He told Jonny about the group of mainly old women, but some younger people and some non-women as well, that met at Mrs. Davies flat two doors down for something she’d always called a quilting bee.

Jonny slowly stopped trying to break free of their holds.

He told Jonny about the old motorcar that the junkyard - that wasn’t a junkyard but a _collection_ and so was allowed in city limits - had in the front yard that he had been saving up to buy so he could fix.

Jonny pressed closer, his hands sliding up to tangle in Tim’s hair.

He told Jonny about Sunday dinner at Bertie’s sister’s house ever since his grandfather died that they had to attend at least once a month or else the horde - both of Bertie’s mums, plus his papa’s 3 siblings and their 2 spouses, all 8 of Bertie’s little siblings and their 6 partners, the 12 first cousins and their 11 partners, and then the assorted niblings and second cousins of an ever growing and changing number - would descend on their flat the next week

* * *

Eventually Tim’s voice grew hoarse enough that he couldn’t continue.

He’d been in the middle of telling Jonny about the strange man with hair that never lay flat and the lichtenberg scar across his face that ran the children’s football league in their neighborhood.

Jonny had been mostly limp against his chest for a while. He still was clinging to Tim like he was drowning and Tim was his only hope.

Tim swallowed. Tried to speak. His voice just cracked.

Jonny tightened his grip briefly before relaxing again.

“ ‘m okay. You don’ have ta keep goin’.”

Oh. That was good right? Jonny didn’t have to keep listening to him. He should probably leave. Before he hurt Jonny again.

Nails dug into his thigh causing a cry.

He blinked.

Marius had been the one to do it.

“If we let you go so the both of you can put clothes on, are you going to be okay? Or do we need to stay here for a bit before you can get up without risking another panic attack?”

Did Marius actually expect to get honest answers?

He shrugged.

He really should go. This felt nice though. He really didn’t want to move.

He felt Marius sigh against his neck.

“...we can stay like this a while longer.”

Wait. Had Jonny just agreed to keep cuddling?

That was what had just happened right?

“Okay.” Brian’s voice cut through his thoughts. “In that case can we go ahead and talk about what happened. I heard enough to work out that you both probably have very different ideas about it.”

No one answered him for a moment.

“...okay.”

Jonny...wanted to talk about this? What was there to talk about though? Tim had been selfish and asked Jonny for something he had no right to when it was his fault that their relationship had fallen apart.

“I’s hard though.”

“That’s perfectly fine. We’ll figure it out.”

Marius took back over.

“Tim? Your voice healed enough to talk?”

Tim opened his mouth. “Enough.”

His voice came out barely above a whisper. Hoarse and scratchy.

“I’m going to go ahead and summarize what information Brian and I have then.”

He nodded and felt Jonny nod against his chest.

“Brian and I were in the medbay when we heard screaming. Aurora confirmed it was coming from here and that assistance would likely be appreciated so we headed over.”

“Once we arrived Aurora let us in. Tim was sitting on the floor a little ways from the bed staring at Jonny. He kept repeating “I’m sorry” and didn’t appear to be seeing or hearing anything around him.”

“Jonny was on the bed, limbs flailing as though he was trying to break free from restraints. He was screaming for Tim and to give him back. He appeared to be speaking with someone who he had experience with”

“Brian went to the bed and restrained Jonny so he couldn't hurt himself. I went to check on Tim. He didn’t respond when I spoke or when I forced him to look at me. I slapped him in an attempt to snap him out of it enough to speak.”

“I asked him what happened and he told me.”

“Tim said that he asked Jonny if he could make up for failing him and that both of you had been distressed by the conversation. He said that after you had both calmed down Jonny told him how he had failed and abused him. He also said the Jonny thinks everything is his fault instead of Tim’s. He said that he yelled at Jonny when he should have comforted him and caused a flashback.”

“While Tim was telling me this Brian also called for me to get him over to help as soon as I could. So once Tim was done explaining I brought him over to the bed. I told him he was going to hold Jonny and talk about something non-violent, as well as acknowledge and confirm what I had just told him. He did so.”

“Brian then helped Tim take over restraining Jonny and we got both of you into his lap. I joined so we could assist in restraining Jonny and provide Tim enough contact to stay present.”

“Tim spent the next several hours telling Jonny about his life in London until his voice gave out at which point Jonny said he was okay. That brings us enough up to speed. Brian is there anything you’d like to add?”

“Jonny seemed particularly distressed and some comments to the effect of ‘she doesn’t get to use Tim’s face too’ were made while you were speaking with Tim. Otherwise my recollection matches yours.”

“Thank you, Brian. Tim, I already recapped your account. Would you like to add anything or go back over it?”

He shook his head, whispered a no.

“Alright. Thank you, Tim. Jonny, we haven’t heard your side of what happened. Could you please walk us through it?”

A pause.

Why would Jonny walk them through the same story? What was Marius trying to prove here?

“Okay.”

Wait. What?

“Tim said I was actin’ strange an’ aske’ why I wasn’ bein violen’. I- I wasn’ sure. I dunno wha’ was so differen’ ‘bou’ this mornin’. I sai’ I guessed tha’ it was ‘cause I was only happy and he go’ real sadlike.”

“He explained tha’ he was upset wit’ himself ‘cause he didn’ make me happy ‘fore now. ‘Cept tha’s a lie ‘cause he made me happy plen’y b’fore. And I go’ t' thinkin’ ‘bout tha’ an’ when I remem’er tha’ we was talkin’ he was curl’ up on me like som’in’ wron’.”

“He sai’ he was in solitary an’ it pro’ly still messin’ him up an’ he wasn’ doin’ so goo’ so I san’ ta him for a bi’. An’ a’er a while he was more okay an’ sai’ he owed me an apology - tha’ he been treatin’ me wron’ or som’in’. Sai’ tha’ he was the one who wasn’ no goo’ a par’ner. Tha’ he un’erstan’ if the answer was no an’ won’ blame if it was, bu’ he wan’e’ t' have a pro’er relationship wit me like we’d talk abou’ wit Bertie sometimes. An’- an’ I di’n’ answer righ’ away ‘cause I cou’n’ believe he wan’e’ anythin’ ta do wit me no more.”

“ ‘cept then he was leavin’ an’ I panicke’ so I kissed him ‘cept I di’n’ do it righ’ an’ then he sai’ he was gonna cry and I cou’n’ put words ou’ so I just helt him. Then when he was done cryin’ I tol’ him I had words so he got t' shut up.”

“I tol’ him I wan’e' all the thin’s he an’ Bertie sai’ we was gonna have af’er the war an’ I di’n’ think he car’ no more when Bertie die’ bu’ he di’n’ leave me. An’ tha’ I wasn’ no good a’er he died an’ tried t' get a bulle’ t' take ‘til the Toy Sol’er come an’ tell me the Doc go’ him.”

“Tha’ I somehow was goo’ for her long enough that I go’ to be there when she le’ him wake up and tha’ she let me help e’en though she di’n’ a’er she cough’ me tryin’ make i’ so Brian coul’ kill ‘er.”

“Tol’ ‘im tha’ ‘e ne’er seem t' forgive me e’en a’er we fuckin’ again bu’ he kept me the whole time. Sai’ I wan’e’ be goo’ for ‘im, jus’ don’ know how. Bu’ I don’ thin’ I can do i’ again so he’ gotta tell me howa be goo’ and when I mess up.”

“An’ tha’ I’ll try bu’ I don’ thin’ I can do the talkin’ thin’ bu’ I can listen an’ I’ll do my bes’. Then I sai’ he coul’ talk an’ he kiss’ me.”

Jonny paused for a moment.

“Then he star’ gonin’ on ‘bou’ how I was prefer’ for ‘im and Bertie an’ e’erythin’ was his faul’ e’en though I’m the one who always mess up e’en when I try real’ har’. An’ then. An’ then I was thin’in’ too har’ I thin’ ‘cause o’erwise he ‘ave hear’ all the reasons I can’ be goo’ an’ if I was goo’ then he won’ ‘ave lef’ i’ hur’ and I know i’ ain’t some’in’ wron’ wit my mech ‘cause I got the Doc’ an’ Nastya an’ Brian all t' che’.”

Jonny choked, gasping a couple of quick breaths.

“Tim missed a lo’ ‘cause he was gone for a lon’ time and i’ was goo’ I was alone ‘cause tha’ mean’ I the only one who hur’ ‘cept i’ wasn’ good’ ‘cause i’ no’ the Doc’s lab an’ e’eryone was dea’ ‘cause I di’n’ protect them an’ I was wit Tim again.”

“I’ wasn’ righ’ ‘cause Tim wasn’ wit us when we wen’ t’ the sta’ion an’ we was ambushed. I manage’ t’ get e’eryone else ou’ bu’ there was a ’plosion ‘fore I cou’ ge’ back t’ the shu’le an’ when I woke up I was in a lab.”

“An’ they- they strapp' their machine t' me so I ha' t' go back an' walk through anythin' happy 'til i' stopped bein' happy and they took i' off an' asked their questions jus' like the Doc did and they cu' me open 'cept they ne'er made i' no' hurt like the Doc did and they must 'ave drugged me 'cause Bertie was there and he di'n’ care 'cept he _promised_ and he wou'n’ le' them hurt me and he couldn’ be there 'cause I trie't' go back for him cause I know how to do i' so I could have brought him back an' I coul'ave saved him 'cept there wasn’ no body so he’s gone forever and I was strapt t' a table an' they were hurtin' me an' Tim was gone bu' Tim was wit' me this time so they ha't'ave took him.”

Jonny panted. It sounded like he was choking back sobs.

Tim ran his thumb back and forth over Jonny’s shoulder.

After a few moments Jonny took a deep breath. 

“I- I thin’ I yelled at the Lady in charge for a while. No’ really sure though. Started hearin' Tim af'er a bit. He was talkin' 'bouda quiltin' bee like it was some kinda arcane ritual or somethin'. An' he didn’t sound worried or nothin' so I go' quiet an' listen to him stead of the doctors. And then I was back an' he was holdin' me an' Marius an' Brian was holdin' us both. And I listened while he tol' me more stories. All the- all the thin's abou' wha' i' would'ave been like if I'd go't' go home with him an' Bertie stead of him comin' home with me.”

It was quiet for a few moments as they all breathed. 

“Okay. okay. That is. Fuck.” Marius devolved into muttering under his breath for a few moments.

Tim was _pretty_ sure it was Welsh but it never sounded quite right and Marius’ accent was always different from how Bertie’s mama’s had been so he could have been wrong.

He took a deep breath.

“Okay. First off. Since you both seem convinced everything is your own fault, neither of you are to blame for this. -Eh, eh, eh.”

Somehow despite not being able to see them, Marius had known both Jonny and he had opened their mouths.

Brian took over like they had planned this.

“Both of you are traumatized by things you’ve seen and had happen - same as everyone else on this ship. For whatever reason, the one thing our mechanisms don’t fix problems we already had. At absolute best, they get us right back to where we were when we got them.”

“We all had some pretty traumatizing events happen before we joined the crew. We all have days that we're just fucked up because of that.”

“Jonny we all know that you get stuck in your head sometimes even if we don’t know all the reasons why. It sounds like when Tim tried telling you that your relationship breaking down after Bertie died was his fault not yours that’s what happened. Is that what happened?”

A pause. “I think so?”

Marius, “After you got stuck in your head your thoughts sort of spiraled under you ended up back in a lab being experimented on, right?”

“...yeah…”

“So what happened was you tried to figure out how to show Tim that he was wrong and it was actually all your fault, but then your brain made a series of connections that brought you back to the space station and then you ended up having a flashback. It happens. It’s part of going through a traumatic event. Honestly the fact that we’re all able to get around at all without basically just jumping from flashback to flashback is a little bit of a miracle.”

“Tim, you tried explaining that everything was your fault and then Jonny started having a flashback. When you weren’t able to pull him out of it you had a panick attack. You were in solitary confinement for an extended period of time not even a day ago. You’re incredibly lucky that a panic attack because you weren’t able to help Jonny with his flashback is the worst you’ve had to deal with.”

Was he?

It didn’t feel like he was.

“Do the two of you understand that? It’s okay if it doesn’t feel true, but I need to know if you understand what I’m saying.”

Tim and Jonny both voiced affirmatives.

“Okay. Then we can be done with this conversation for now.”

Jonny slumped against him.

Brian squeezed his thigh. “You good if we get up now?”

He thought about it. He didn’t think he’d freak out if they got up.

“Think so.”

Brian hummed, thumb gently rubbing against his leg. “Jonny what about you?”

Jonny made an almost derisive noise. “How about we just take a nap instead?”

“Because you and Tim both just had panic attacks and haven’t eaten in over twelve hours minimum,” Marius cut in. “We’re getting up, getting you two dressed, and getting food and water in you. I’m sure you’re both exhausted so we can just take a nap then, but you’re going to feel even worse after if you don’t eat something first.”

Jonny grumbled.

“Jonny…” Brian sounded hesitant.

“I remember how Carmilla used to...what she’d do when you tried to argue with her. How she’d get you held tight until you relaxed then drop you.”

_She’d done what to Jonny!?!?!_

“It always left you pretty messed up. I don’t want to do that to you. Are we able to get up without hurting you like that?”

Jonny was rigid in his arms.

After a moment with no reason, Brian added, “even if you don’t care if we do that I’m pretty sure it’d give Tim another panic attack right now.”

Jonny deflated.

“okay...I’m good. ...we can get up...just. Slowly?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT try to solve problems like this at home. Like seriously. Don't restrain people during a trauma reaction - especially people with trauma associated with being restrained. If someone's flailing (whether due to a trauma reaction or seizure) clear the area and try to protect their head. Actual restrainment should _**ALWAYS**_ be a last resort. Slapping people isn't a good way to get their attention either.
> 
> Tim wasn't aware enough to notice and Marius brushed over it, but Jonny was actually well on his way to seriously injuring himself when Brian and Marius got there. He was already injured and Brian has enough experience from when Jonny was softer to know that pressure stim will help once Jonny's present again. He had to make the hard decision between risking Jonny being further triggered by restraint but having limited ability to hurt himself and immediately getting pressure stim when he came out of it or risking Jonny further hurting himself and refusing help/care when he came to.
> 
> Marius made the (risky) decision to slap Tim because Tim visibly wasn't able to recognize him being present. Based off of Brian's description of how Tim had been after coming to on the shuttle he decided to take the risk of further triggering Tim in the hopes that he had just dissociated. He got lucky and at that point Tim was more dissociating his way out of a panick attack so it worked. It just as easily could as sent Tim into a flashback of his own though.
> 
> As to the weirdness of what Jonny had happen/described, he worked himself into a panick attack and ended up triggering a flashback. Tim's voice was enough to bring him partly out of it, but it brought him out into the panick attack. Since he didn't come fully out of the flashback before the panick attack hit him he ended up basically having a nightmare where he ended up back in the station lab after Tim came home. This is a real thing that can happen and it very much sucks. Pychosis is both more common and less of an issue than most people think. Hollywood blows it _waaay _out of proportion.  
>    
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.__
> 
> __Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
>  ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?_  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)_


	7. Status Reports (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny comes out of his not-flashback and gives/gets status reports

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- implied/referenced dissociation  
> \- breakdowns  
> \- aftermath of torture  
> \- panick attacks  
> \- flashbacks  
> \- self-esteem issues/self-loathing  
> \- mention of of suicide attempts/suicide  
> \- implied/referenced mind control  
> \- implied/referenced past torture  
> \- heavy dissociation  
> \- implied/referenced past abuse

A voice cut through the doctors’.

It sounded strained, like it was choking back tears.

It didn’t sound in pain though. Just upset.

The voice was talking about a bookshop that wouldn’t sell any books. About the strange little owner who always asked how his and Bertie’s families and somehow managed to remember all the names of Bertie’s siblings and cousins even though it still couldn’t.

“Bertie would spend days there sometimes,” the voice said. “Shop wouldn’t be open for months then it would be open for a week straight when he walked in and took over the window seat he liked.”

He didn’t know Bertie had liked reading that much.

“That snake of the owner’s was the worst though. I’d bring Bertie food and then it’d be there, watching us, like we were criminals of some kind. It never did anything, just watched us eat and then somehow managed to look pleased as it slithered off. Bertie insisted that it was because he always made sure to set aside any of the books he was using first, that sometimes it would attack people, but only ones who mistreated the books.”

“I always thought he was messing with me. After everything we’ve seen I have to wonder if he might not have been though.”

Wait. Was that Tim?

That was Tim’s voice wasn’t it?

It started talking about someone called Mrs. Davies. Apparently she lived two doors down from it and Bertie.

It had to be Tim, right?

Mrs. Davies had a bunch of friends who met at her flat for what she called a quilting bee.

There were arms wrapped around him. He wasn’t strapped to a table.

Did Mrs. Davies not host quilting bees? What did she host then?

The voice that he was nearly certain was Tim said that all of her friends would bring bags filled with fabric scraps to the meetings.

There was a hand wrapped around the back of his head, holding it against someone’s neck.

It felt like he was falling all of a sudden. Or rather, it felt like the world was falling around him while arms held him in place.

He was wrapped tight in someone’s lap. A hand was holding him to that person’s neck. Tim’s voice was coming from above him, but was still very close. Tim must be the person holding him.

Tim started talking about a motorcar he had been saving up to buy from an illegal junkyard. He caught his name as Tim shifted topics. Tim must be talking to him.

He was pressed against another body where Tim couldn’t hold them together. It felt warm, but didn’t have any give. Brian then.

His legs held down to the bed by someone behind Tim. Probably the person who was holding his head still against Tim.

Tim choked on a sob. Another voice murmured from nearby. “It’s okay. You’re helping. Just keep talking.” He felt Tim swallow before continuing. It had sounded like Marius.

Why was Tim talking if he was upset?

Why would Marius encourage him to keep talking?

He felt Tim’s grip tighten on him.

Tim started telling him about Bertie’s family and how he could never keep track of how many children there were even when he saw them all at least once a month. 

Bertie’s family sounded nice.

He pressed back against Tim. Brian had let go of his wrists at some point so he reached up and tried to pet Tim’s hair.

He didn’t think he was doing a good job but Tim didn’t complain. He just kept talking.

After Tim had been talking for a long time his voice gave out.

He swallowed and let out a scratchy noise. He must have been talking so long he lost it.

He didn't seem like he was liable to start sobbing anymore. He'd managed to stop a while back.

Jonny squeezed his neck anyways.

“ ‘m okay. You don’ have t’ keep goin’.”

Tim pressed his face into Jonny's hair. His arms tightened until Jonny could feel his ribs protesting.

"Jonny. You with us?"

Right. Marius was here too.

_ Dios _ , Jonny hoped he didn't try to bring up therapy again. Jonny was too exhausted to try and fight him on it.

"...Yeah."

"Tim?"

Tim didn't answer.

Someone, probably Marius, shoved a hand under Jonny's arse. It felt like the hand curled.

Tim yelped.

“If we let you go so the both of you can put clothes on, are you going to be okay? Or do we need to stay here for a bit before you can get up without risking another panic attack?”

What kind of a question was that?

Tim shrugged.

He wasn't really even loosening his hold on Jonny.

Tim had been pretty accepting of Jonny's clinginess. He hadn't commented on it at least. Not yesterday or today.

Jonny was pretty sure he had been clingy too this morning.-and he  _ had _ been in solitary so Tim probably needed the contact.

Bertie had liked to have him hold Tim after sex so he didn't have to. Maybe Tim would actually rather be held while he wasn't all there?

“...we can stay like this a while longer.”

There was a pause. Jonny started to question if he should have just said they could get up when Brian spoke.

“Okay. In that case can we go ahead and talk about what happened? I heard enough to work out that you both probably have very different ideas about it.”

No one answered him for a moment.

Jonny  _ wanted _ to know what had happened. He knew that he must have had a flashback or something, but things had changed drastically while he was trapped in it.

“...okay.”

He didn't know that he could though.

Words were  _ hard _ on the best of days. Just because he could make people's stories sound pretty doesn't mean he could talk about himself.

“It's hard though.”

And apparently his mouth was talking without permission again.

“That’s perfectly fine. We’ll figure it out.”

...it was fine?

But. But wasn't the point of talking so that everyone could enjoy what they were told? To make everyone happy?

How could they figure it out? Wouldn't he just ruin it?

Marius took back over.

“Tim? Your voice healed enough to talk?”

“Enough.” Tim's voice was not. He could barely speak!

Marius apparently elected to ignore that. 

“I’m going to go ahead and summarize what information Brian and I have then.”

Jonny and Tim both nodded.

“Brian and I were in the medbay when we heard screaming. Aurora confirmed it was coming from here and that assistance would likely be appreciated so we headed over.”

Had Jonny been screaming?

“Once we arrived Aurora let us in. Tim was sitting on the floor a little ways from the bed staring at Jonny. He kept repeating “I’m sorry” and didn’t appear to be seeing or hearing anything around him.”

Had something happened to Tim? Why would Tim be sorry? Jonny was the one who couldn't even explain that it wasn't his fault without having a flashback.

“Jonny was on the bed, limbs flailing as though he was trying to break free from restraints. He was screaming for Tim and to give him back. He appeared to be speaking with someone who he had experience with."

...that sounded reasonable. He remembered seeing Tim just before he was back in the lab on the station. It would make sense for him to think they took Tim too. 

It explained why he’d thought she’d kidnapped Tim somehow.

“Brian went to the bed and restrained Jonny so he couldn’t himself. I went to check on Tim. He didn’t respond when I spoke or when I forced him to look at me. I slapped him in an attempt to snap him out of it enough to speak.”

Why would Marius slap Tim? Tim didn't deserve to be slapped.

That wasn't how you helped Tim stop a panick attack anyways. Tim needed to be warm so he could be quiet.

“I asked him what happened and he told me.”

“Tim said that he asked Jonny if he could make up for failing him and that both of you had been distressed by the conversation. He said that after you had both calmed down Jonny told him how he had failed and abused him. He also said the Jonny thinks everything is his fault instead of Tim’s. He said that he yelled at Jonny when he should have comforted him and caused a flashback.”

That wasn't right. Tim hadn't failed him. Why would Tim say he abused him? He always took care of Jonny even when he didn't like the way Jonny wanted to be taken care of.

And he didn't cause Jonny to have a flashback. Jonny was the one who did that. Because he was useless and couldn't do anything right.

“While Tim was telling me this Brian also called for me to get him over to help as soon as I could. So once Tim was done explaining I brought him over to the bed. I told him he was going to hold Jonny and talk about something non-violent, as well as acknowledge and confirm what I had just told him. He did so.”

“Brian then helped Tim take over restraining Jonny and we got both of you into his lap. I joined so we could assist in restraining Jonny and provide Tim enough contact to stay present.”

That explained why they were all cuddled together on the bed.

But what about Tim? Why didn't they help Tim? Jonny would have been fine. He'd have snapped out of it eventually.

“Tim spent the next several hours telling Jonny about his life in London until his voice gave out at which point Jonny said he was okay. That brings us enough up to speed. Brian is there anything you’d like to add?”

“Jonny seemed particularly distressed and some comments to the effect of ‘she doesn’t get to use Tim’s face too’ were made while you were speaking with Tim. Otherwise my recollection matches yours.”

“Thank you, Brian. Tim, I already recapped your account. Would you like to add anything or go back over it?”

He shook his head, whispered a no.

“Alright. Thank you, Tim. Jonny, we haven’t heard your side of what happened. Could you please walk us through it?”

They just wanted him to give a report?

Brian had said they were going to talk about it though.

Was he supposed to tell them the same thing Marius had said?

But no. Marius had said they wanted his side of what occurred. 

That meant they wanted what he remembered right?

So he just had to tell them what happened. It was as simple as that.

Then they would understand that Jonny was useless though.

No. they had to already know that. They’d known him for millennia.

So he could tell them the truth.

And. And Brian said it was okay if talking was hard. That they’d figure it out.

“Okay.”

He could do this.

“Tim said I was acting’ strange and’ asked’ why I wasn’ being violent’. I- I wasn’ sure. I dunno what’ was so different’ ‘bout this morning’. I said’ I guessed that’ it was ‘cause I was only happy and he got real sadlike.”

“He explained that’ he was upset with himself ‘cause he didn’ make me happy ‘fore now. ‘Cept that's a lie ‘cause he ma’ me happy plen’y ‘fore. And I got to thinkin’ ‘bout that and when I remember that we was talking he was curled up on me like something wrong.”

“He said he was in solitary an’ it pro’ly still messing him up and he wasn’t doing so good so I sang to him for a bit. And after a while he was more okay and said he owed me an apology - that he been treating me wrong or something. Said that he was the one who wasn’t no good a partner. That he understand if the answer was no and won’t blame if it was, but he wanted to have a proper relationship with me like we’d talk about with Bertie sometimes. And- and I didn’t answer right away ‘cause I couldn’t believe he wanted anything to do with me no more.”

“ ‘cept then he was leaving and I panicked so I kissed him ‘cept I didn't do it right and then he said he was gonna cry and I couldn’t put words out so I just held him. Then when he was done crying I told him I had words so he got shut up.”

“I told him I wanted all the things he and Bertie said we was gonna have after the war and I didn’t think he cared no more when Bertie died but he didn’t leave me. And that I wasn’t no good after he died and tried to get a bullet to take ‘til the Toy Soldier come and tell me the Doc got him.”

“That I somehow was good for her long enough that I got to be there when she let him wake up and that she let me help even though she didn’t after she caught me trying make it so Brian could kill her.”

“Told him that he ne’er seem to forgive me even after we fucking again but he kept me the whole time. Said I wanted be good for him, just don’t know how. But I don’t think I can do it again so he gotta tell me how to be good and when I mess up.”

“And that I’ll try but I don’t think I can do the talking thing but I can listen and I’ll do my best. Then I said he could talk and he kissed me.”

Jonny paused for a moment.  _ Dios _ he was exhausted.

“Then he started going on ‘bout how I was prefert for him and Bertie and e’erything was his fault e’en though I’m the one who always mess up e’en when I try real hard. And then. And then I was thinking too hard I think ‘cause otherwise he have heared all the reasons I can’t be good and if I was good then he won’t have left it hurt and I know it ain’t something wrong with my mech ‘cause I got the Doc’ and Nastya and Brian all ta check.”

“Tim missed a lot ‘cause he was gone for a long time and it was good I was alone ‘cause that meant I the only one who hurt ‘cept it wasn’t good ‘cause it not the Doc’s lab and e’eryone was dead ‘cause I didn't protect them and I was with Tim again.”

“I’ wasn’t right ‘cause Tim wasn’t with us when we went to the station and we was ambushed. I managed to get e’eryone else out but there was an explosion ‘fore I could get back to the shuttle and when I woke up I was in a lab.”

“And they- they strapped their machine to me so I had to go back and walk through anything happy until it stopped being happy and they took it aff and asked their questions just like the Doc did and they cut me open except they never made it not hurt like the Doc did and they must have drugged me because Bertie was there and he didn’t care except he  _ promised _ and he wouldn’t let them hurt me and he couldn’t be there because I tried to go back for him cause I know how to do so I could have brought him back and I could have saved him except there wasn’t no body so he’s gone forever and I was strapped to a table and they were hurting me and Tim was gone but Tim was with me this time so they had to have took him.”

Jonny choked on a sob.

Tim began running his thumb back and forth over Jonny’s shoulder.

After a bit Jonny took a deep breath. 

“I- I think I yelled at the Lady in charge for a while. Not really sure though. Started hearing Tim after a bit. He was talking about a quilting bee like it was some kind of arcane ritual or something. And he didn’t sound worried or nothing so I got quiet and listened to him stead of the doctors. And then I was back and he was holding me and Marius and Brian was holding us both. And I listened while he told me more stories. All the- all the things about what it would have been like if I'd got to go home with him and Bertie stead of him coming home with me.”

It was quiet for a few moments as they all breathed. 

“Okay. okay. That is. Fuck.” Marius devolved into muttering under his breath for a few moments.

He took a deep breath.

“Okay. First off. Since you both seem convinced everything is your own fault, neither of you are to blame for this. -Eh, eh, eh.”

Aaand Marius was doing that thing where he knew what Jonny was doing before Jonny did again.

Brian took over like they had planned this.

“Both of you are traumatized by things you’ve seen and had happen - same as everyone else on this ship. For whatever reason, the one thing our mechanisms don’t fix is problems we already had. At absolute best, they get us right back to where we were when we got them.”

That made sense. He didn’t understand why Brian was pretending that Jonny wasn’t the only one who was broken before Carmilla made him immortal though.

“We all had some pretty traumatizing events happen before we joined the crew. We all have days that we're just fucked up because of that.”

...Was Brian saying that Jonny wasn’t the fucked up one?

That didn’t make sense. Jonny was always the problem.

“Jonny we all know that you get stuck in your head sometimes even if we don’t know all the reasons why. It sounds like when Tim tried telling you that your relationship breaking down after Bertie died was his fault not yours that’s what happened. Is that what happened?”

Maybe? Jonny had been trying to figure out how to get Tim to understand it was his fault not Tim’s and then he wasn’t here anymore.

“I think so?”

Marius jumped in. “After you got stuck in your head your thoughts sort of spiraled until you ended up back in a lab being experimented on, right?”

...spiraling was a pretty good way of describing what had happened.

“...yeah…”

“So what happened was you tried to figure out how to show Tim that he was wrong and it was actually all your fault, but then your brain made a series of connections that brought you back to the space station and then you ended up having a partial flashback. It happens. It’s part of going through a traumatic event. Honestly the fact that we’re all able to get around at all without basically just jumping from flashback to flashback is a little bit of a miracle.”

Seriously?

Marius had to be lying right?

Jonny knew he was fucked up. He didn’t need Marius to pretend it was normal.

“Tim, you tried explaining that everything was your fault and then Jonny started having a flashback. When you weren’t able to pull him out of it you had a panick attack. You were in solitary confinement for an extended period of time not even a day ago. You’re incredibly lucky that a panic attack because you weren’t able to help Jonny with his flashback is the worst you’ve had to deal with.”

“Do the two of you understand that? It’s okay if it doesn’t feel true, but I need to know if you understand what I’m saying.”

He felt Tim’s grumbled yes as he voiced his own.

“Okay. Then we can be done with this conversation for now.”

_ Thank the gods. No more talking. _

He needed to figure out why they called it talking. This wasn’t talking. This was...like status reports, but with feelings.

He could feel the tension dropping out of his body.

Brian hand brushed against his leg, pressing under and squeezing Tim’s.

“You good if we get up now?”

There was a pause.

“Think so.”

Brian hummed, thumb slowly moving back and forth. “Jonny what about you?”

He tried to snort...he didn't think he succeeded. 

Why would it matter what he thought? He’s not the one who needed to be held.

“How about we just take a nap instead?”

He really didn’t want to move though. He honestly was a hundred percent behind his nap idea.

Marius jumped in before Brian could reply. “Because you and Tim both just had panic attacks and haven’t eaten in over twelve hours minimum.” 

So?

“We’re getting up, getting you two dressed, and getting food and water in you. I’m sure you’re both exhausted so we can just take a nap then, but you’re going to feel even worse after if you don’t eat something first.”

Jonny grumbled.

Marius might be _ right. _

That didn’t mean they couldn’t take a nap.

“Jonny…” Brian sounded hesitant.

“I remember how Carmilla used to...what she’d do when you tried to argue with her. How she’d get you held tight until you relaxed then drop you.”

_ Yeah? Because he was weak and useless. So all she had to do to break him was stop holding him. _

“It always left you pretty messed up. I don’t want to do that to you. Are we able to get up without hurting you like that?”

Jonny went stiff.

What did Brian mean? Was Brian threatening to start doing that to him?

He couldn’t deal with that again. He couldn’t. He was barely holding it together already. If Brian made him deal with that he wouldn’t be able to.

“Even if you don’t care if we do that I’m pretty sure it’d give Tim another panic attack right now.”

Oh. That. Brian had said he  _ didn’t _ want to do that to him.

Tim was holding Jonny really tight. And Brian and Marius were holding them both tightly.

Brian was scared that if they got up Jonny was going to shatter. And it was important that Jonny didn’t break because Tim was hurt and if Jonny wasn’t okay then Tim would get worse not better.

He relaxed back into Tim.

“okay...I’m good.”

He kinda did want to stretch out now that he thought about it.

They’d get up and get dressed and have breakfast. ...maybe Tim would let him stay to take a nap with him after.

He should probably make sure they know not to just let him go if they wanted him to stay together.

“We can get up...just. Slowly?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
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	8. Dreams (-Mistress'-Right-Hand- Mialma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And chapter 3 is explained...kinda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- non-graphic mention/description of torture  
> \- amnesia  
> \- implied/mentioned mind control  
> \- dehumanization  
> \- implied/mentioned abuse  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- altered mental states  
> \- dissociation

They had begun dreaming.

They assumed that’s what was happening at least. They did not have another explanation.

He did not remember the dreams when they woke.

They were quite certain the dreams disturbed him though.

They must have.

He woke gasping most nights. Others he woke crying.

Twice now he had woken choking on screams.

* * *

Mistress knew something had happened.

She was angry with him.

~~With them.~~

_ With It. _

It did not know why.

~~They~~ _ It _ obeyed her orders to the letter.

It always had. 

Why was she breaking it?

* * *

He was sitting in a garden he thought.

There were a lot of people around him. They didn’t like it.

They were quite certain that he did like it though.

The people around them. Talking to them. Touching them. 

It seemed like all of the people expected him to enjoy it.

(They did not know how they knew this. None of the people had faces and he could not make out any of their voices).

* * *

The dreams had begun after the station. The station it had destroyed.

It did not remember the dreams.

It knew the dreams hurt though.

The dreams had not existed before it had destroyed its Mistress’ station.

It thought they might be punishment for doing so.

Its Mistress did not seem to be aware of the dreams though. How could the dreams be punishment if she did not know of them?

It could ask her.

Something held its tongue when it tried to though.

* * *

They knew something had to have changed in them on the station.

The Mistress’ voice had always grated, but now it lit a raging inferno in his heart.

He remembered what she had said after she had ...made? ~~Him~~. I ~~t.~~ ~~Them~~. This being. 

“It’s almost poetic in a way, making the right hand of the man who killed my father my own.”

This being did not think that this being had always been the Mistress’ ally. This being was beginning to think this being had once been her enemy.

* * *

The Mistress was calling for ~~them~~ _it_ again.

It had to attend to her demands.

* * *

They were beginning to remember the dreams.

They think they might not be dreams.

He was always with people in them. Most of the people looked like them.

They dreamed of a man with shoulders as broad as his and a set to his jaw that he saw in the mirror. The man held them in his lap and showed him half-finished paintings of cities and gardens devoid of people.

He dreamed of a woman who stood with the same steady presence he did. They held her hand as she walked through buildings more opulent than even the Mistress’ quarters. Her stance when they were interrupted was the same that he used when the Mistress was angry with them.

He dreamed of a woman whose skin was the same deep sepia as his and whose hair was made of the same rough coils. She guided his hands as they wrapped bandages around the ankle of a small girl with the same pin straight hair as the man with his shoulders.

* * *

They were quite certain that the Mistress knew they were no longer hers alone.

It worried them.

She did not take kindly to people who dared to try and usurp her. They had no doubt that she would consider whomever had a claim on him to have done so.

They knew now that she had never viewed them as a person - that was why she had called them “it” and “servant”.

She had forced them to exist long beyond their natural lifespan already. There could only be memories and themself to challenge her rule of him.

Despite the certainty of the fact, it felt wrong to think so.

* * *

He was dreaming again. 

They were sitting with one of the few people who bore no resemblance to themself. He was surrounded by bits of metal and what looked similar to engineers tools.

A datapad sat in his lap.

He was reading on it. A book that was talking about the effects of brainwashing and methods of overcoming or undoing it.

“Pass me the socket wrench?”

He didn’t even look up as they picked it up and handed it to the other.

They didn’t understand why. This person was more beautiful than any other he had seen. To call them the sun and sky and all the stars between would be an understatement.

* * *

They thought the dreams might be memories.

It would make sense

The majority of the people he saw in them bore a resemblance to him whether physical or temperament. Of those that didn’t there were even fewer that did not seem attached to one who did.

There were only really two of note.

A person who was the sun ...and the man he’d saved.

* * *

They were in a dark tunnel.

He wasn’t alone. That was a problem.

If he was alone it would have been okay. 

The man they’d saved and the person who was the sun were with them.

It scared him.

It was hotter than it should be.

Something was coming.

Something dangerous.

The man he’d saved was turning to them. He was holding their hand. The person who was the sun was walking backwards ahead of them.

They were both grinning at him.

He smiled back.

Blood rushed through his ears. They heard a loud crack.

The person who was the sun’s face fell. They said something they couldn’t hear.

They shouted back. ...he thinks they said to get help.

The person who was the sun turned and ran.

He dropped the man he’d saved’s hand, pivoting and drawing his rifle at the same time.

The man did the same.

The wall behind them had split. There was a room behind it. Trucks sat on the other side.

Two soldiers stood at the opening.

There was a crack of gunfire, both dropped.

He moved forward, the man he saved at his side. 

It was the work of maybe five minutes to eliminate the remaining guards.

When they were down to one he pinned them to the side of one of the trucks.

“I’d prefer not to shed anymore blood friend. You wanna tell me what’s going on so I don't have to?”

They laughed in his face. 

A savage grin spread across their face as they replied. He could not hear over the pounding of blood in his ears. He knew they were threatening him with their backup though.

He threw them to the ground, slammed his foot into the small of their shoulders, placed his rifle against their head.

He fired.

The man he’d saved was watching him when he looked up. He looked concerned.

He told the man he’d saved that it was probably for the best. They didn’t have time to take them prisoner.

It didn’t help.

He felt like he was moving through water. He did not think it was due to the  _ dream-memory _ he was in at the moment.

They counted the trucks. Counted the explosives. Hurried back through the opening and down the tunnel after the person who was the sun.

He could already hear the sound of soldiers marching echoing through the tunnels.

They caught up to the person who was the sun at the opening of the tunnel. There were soldiers gathered with hir, not enough though.

**The base was still a day's walk away** .

There wasn’t going to be enough time. He could already hear the sound of soldiers marching towards them, even this far from the opening.

He looked at the man he saved.

The man he would  _ always _ save.

He looked up, to the person who was the sun. The person who had  _ always _ been his sun.

A hand touched his shoulder.

He looked back at the man he’d saved.

He couldn’t let either of them get hurt.

The man he’d saved was saying something. He couldn’t hear what. ...he didn’t think he did when he first lived this.

He took his love’s face in his hands and kissed him.

He wished he had time to say goodbye to them both.

There was no resistance to his actions. He was able to move the grenade the man he’d saved carried in his belt to his own.

He pulled the pin.

Thirty seconds.

He was able to gather the man he’d saved into his arms and at his mercy.

Twenty.

He threw the man he’d saved at the person who was the sun. Ze’d catch him. He was certain of that.

Ten.

“I love you both.”

Eight.

He turned.

Seven.

He ran back into the tunnel.

Five.

He dropped the grenade at his feet.

Four.

He kept running.

Three.

Two.

One.

The explosion knocked him flat. It likely would have done the same for his loves as well. They would not be happy with him. 

They would be safe though.

Even with the wounds from caving in the entrance to the tunnel it only took him a minute to get back to the opening. The trucks were still there.

He pulled open the cab on one of them. Success.

The trucks had an autodrive function. He climbed in and began ripping the code to shreds.

A thought drifted through his head,  _ Victorie would be disgusted by these firewalls _ .

He didn’t even really need to think as he made his way from truck to truck, shredding each one’s firewalls and telling it to go back to the 

... _ did they really just label it The Palace? _

When he was down to the last one he climbed into the back.

He’d get as far as he could before the soldiers that were coming managed to take him out.

It wasn’t that hard to pull a stick of dynamite from the pile, light it, and throw it as far as he could.

So he did. 

Every few hundred yards.

Until he ran out of dynamite.

He should have run into the soldiers long before now.

He stood up, carefully to look over the roof of the truck.

He could just barely make out a line of them, rolling forward.

One, two, three, four...twenty.

Twenty trucks including his rolling forward towards the lunar king’s palace. For over 3 hours. Without meeting any resistance.

He clambered around, crawling into the cab.

Pulled the computers back up.

Checked the map.

They were heading away from the British Infantry at any rate.

...if this didn’t kill him, he was going to be a dead man.

* * *

_Mialma_ lay in ~~his~~ ~~its~~ ~~theirs~~ _his_ bunk.

_ He _ stared at the ceiling.

What did  _ he _ know?

  1. _He_ had not always been an ally to the Mistress
  2. The Mistress had chosen him specifically due to his having been an enemy of her father’s
  3. He had loved two people more than life itself.
  4. One of these people was the man he’d saved. Who’d named him _Mialma_. 
  5. The other was not a man. No. That was wrong. The other was not _always_ a man _._
  6. Someone named Victorie had taught him how to hack. Not that she would have called it hacking.



“It’s not hacking  _ cyw bach _ . I’m just asking them to help a girl out.”

_ Cyw bach. _ Little chick.

...that was. that was a nickname. He was fairly certain it was at least.

  1. Victorie had called him _cyw bach_ , which meant little chick.
  2. The Mistress knew that something had happened on the station that changed him. If she encountered the man he’d saved she would know it was him who did so.
  3. The Mistress would gladly destroy his loves for the crime of having been loved by him...even if she had to turn back time itself to do so.



_ Even if she had to turn back time to do so. _

Ice flooded his veins.

...she would kill them - brutally. There was a very high chance she would dominate his mind and use his body to do so.

  
  


He would have to kill her before she thought to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'd say I'm sorry but I don't think anyone'd believe me. Assuming chapters nine and ten don't get scrapped and completely rewritten in the next week, there'll be more fluff-esc scenes in the near future. Regardless, I'd love to hear peoples thoughts on what's happening/where this is going.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	9. Broken Together (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny might not be the only Mechanism who's a little broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- mentioned dissociation  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- self-depreciation  
> \- miscommunication/confusion over misinformation
> 
> Also, I made a playlist for...more than just TDT but still. So if you feel like crying while you read this chapter [here.](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzuwbWt29Kw8Xu4uqD5VPFi_7uR-6dw13) Apologies to mobile users, but there are a couple songs from Tales to Be Told Vol. 1 on it so Spotify doesn't really cut it. CW: there is a suicide song on the playlist. It's Bullet by Hollywood Undead.  
> There's a time line and I'm trying to leave that timeline intact as much as possible so there's probably some songs that don't make sense but y'all can enjoy the foreshadowing :) I'll add more songs as they become relevant.

Tim wasn’t really reacting. He was just moving along with how Marius and Brian were directing them.

He'd been more attentive while they were getting dressed.

Jonny felt ready to collapse himself. He was only going along with Marius and Brian’s plan because it was the quickest way to get rid of them so he could sleep.

He told them so.

He didn’t think Tim was just tired though.

Marius laughed.

Tim didn’t seem to really be  _ aware _ of what was happening.

“Does that mean I can get away with hugging you?”

Tim was present. He didn’t seem to be with them though.

He didn’t seem to be lost in thought either.

He glared at Marius. Words were too much effort to bother berating him.

Marius seemed to take that as permission because he leaned down and wrapped his arms around Jonny.

...the hug was nice. 

“Tim’s are better,” he mumbled.

And his mouth was talking without permission again. Great.

Marius still seemed to understand him sadly.

He pulled back and grinned at Jonny. “I’d be insulted if I didn’t know Tim always wins with you.”

He glared.

What did he mean Tim always wins?

“Do I at least give the second best hugs?”

Was Marius serious?

“Do you honestly think I go around hugging people?”

Marius paused, made a face.

_ Goddamned it _ . Either say it or keep it to yourself. He was too tired to try and piece together facial expressions.

“Well, no. But we’ve all been alive for a really long time so I kinda figured you’ve hugged everyone by now?”

...huh. That actually was a fair point.

He didn’t think he  _ had _ , but Marius didn’t need to know that.

He was pretty sure he’d been quiet long enough that Marius would believe he’d realized he had.

“You’re probably the worst actually.”

Marius gasped, clutched his hand to his chest. “ _ How dare you! _ ”

Wait- did he actually insult Marius? Was this something Marius took pride in? Had he just offended Marius’ entire family four generations bac-

No. That was. He was catastrophizing. He was pretty sure at least.

It didn’t matter if he did anyways. It’d be fine. He was an asshole. He was allowed to insult people and if they didn’t like it it was their fault for talking to him.

Marius was pouting at him now.

He blinked.

“Did you even hear what I said?”

“...yes?”

Marius snorted. “You’re really exhausted aren’t you.”

Yes? He’d already said that. Multiple times in fact.

Marius nudged him, face turning serious. 

“I’d like to talk about a few things if you’re awake enough to listen actually.”

This was bad. This was very bad.

“Nothing bad. Just, Brian and I were talking earlier and there’s some stuff we noticed that I thought you might like to know. A couple of the things you said made me think we might not be on the same page all the time too.”

He stared at Marius for a moment.

“Talking...is hard.”

“That’s kinda one of the things.”

He blinked.

“You said listen.”

“Uh...I’m not following.”

He hesitated. Marius  _ seemed _ to be willing to go along with whatever he did. He could be planning to use it against Jonny later though.

No. Marius didn’t do stuff like that. Marius was like, as nice as they got. Well, except for Boring Brian.

Marius took whatever people told him and kept it. Jonny didn’t  _ think _ he used it against them. 

He was pretty sure Marius just, liked knowing things about people? He’d mention it sometimes, when he did something for someone and they smiled. If someone asked how he managed it, he’d just say that they’d told him a story or something.

That didn’t mean that he wouldn’t use whatever Jonny said against him.

Jonny’d trusted Carmilla and look where that got him.

(He’d trusted Bertie and Tim too though. They’d never used his feelings against him...even when he’d thought for sure they would).

“Jonny? You still with us?”

Right. He needed to respond to Marius.

“Before. You said you wanted to talk. But you asked if I was awake enough to listen. Not if I could talk.”

Marius paused. “Yeah. That’s kinda what I meant about wanting to talk about talking being hard.”

“Um. I have things I’d like to tell you. And some questions I’d like to ask? So I can figure out if there’s other things I should tell you or if you already know them and I’m just worrying too much.”

Jonny blinked. That...didn’t sound bad. Marius just wanted him to listen. And to tell him whether or not he knew something. He could do that.

“Okay.”

“Awesome. So uh, some of the way you, reacted? I guess, to our conversation, I think that I might be trying to say something different than what you’re hearing. I’d like to ask about that first, if that’s okay?”

Marius thought he was delusional didn’t he. 

He was fairly certain he wasn’t. Not. not like that at least. He wouldn’t have been able to hide it if he was.

He nodded.

“Okay. When Brian asked if you were okay to talk you said it was hard. But when I asked you to tell your side of what happened you didn’t seem to have much trouble? Um.”

He nodded. “Yo- you just wanted a status update...right?”

Fuck. Just because he was letting Marius tell him things doesn’t mean that he needed to let Marius know that he was scared damn it.

Not that he was scared. That would be preposterous.

“...I. yeah.” Marius gave him a bit of a smile. “I guess that would be a good way of describing it. Was that not difficult for you then?”

He shrugged.

It hadn’t been  _ difficult _ per say. Just, having to keep it all in  _ words _ was hard sometimes.

“Like. when you. I felt like.” Marius made a noise.

...did Marius have trouble with words too sometimes?

He was really quiet sometimes. Even if people tried to talk to him. 

Maybe. Maybe he wouldn’t be mad if Jonny told him?

“It’s not- You just wanted what happened. The hard part is only giving you words. Not everything else.”

Marius stared at him. 

A feeling not unlike the rush of water settled on his shoulders.

He shouldn’t have said anything. Should have just blown Marius off. Somehow Marius hadn’t realized how broken he was and now Marius knew and was going to hate him an-

“Jonny?”

He blinked, shifted his eyes to meet Marius’ briefly.

“What do you mean by everything else?”

Words were words but telling him what happened meant having to separate out the words from everything else. Jonny couldn’t give him everything on his own.

“I can only do one part? I only have my voice? Well and my harmonica but-”

“Wait,” Marius’ hand landed over his mouth. “Give me a second to think.”

Marius looked...confused? Jonny was pretty sure it was confused at least.

_ Of course he could be wrong. He was usually wrong. _

Marius spoke slowly. “Words are difficult for you.”

He nodded.

“Telling us what happened isn’t very difficult but it’s still hard because you have to only tell us the words...and you can only do one part.”

He hesitated before nodding again.

Marius’ brow furrowed. “Jonny. Do you. Do you remember things in songs? Like how we tell stories I mean.”

“Yes?” 

That’s how memories worked?

Marius blinked. Stared at him for a moment.

“Tha- that actually explains so much.”

Was that not how memories worked? Was it just another thing wrong with him?

Marius looked back at him. “That’s really cool by the way.”

“I’m not sure if I’m jealous actually -or just feel bad for just how much screwing up the songs must drive you up a wall.”

...was it okay then?

Marius didn’t seem  _ mad _ or like he was upset with Jonny. He kinda seemed...shocked?

Maybe he just didn’t expect Jonny to be able to remember things well? No. Cause he seemed to think that it was weird.

He didn’t seem upset though. And he’d said it was cool.

“You’re not mad?”

Goddamned it. He wasn’t supposed to ask that.

“Shit.  _ No.  _ I’m not mad. Promise. Like. Fuck. You don’t believe me do you?”

Marius sighed, taking his hands off of Jonny to drop his face into them.

He looked back up. He was smiling, but it was obviously fake. “What do I have to do to convince you I’m not angry with you? -or hate you now or have some sort of issue with you because you just told me you apparently just write songs for everything and save the songs instead of the memories.”

He stared at Marius.

Marius didn’t care? But it was weird. He said so. Or well, he didn’t  _ say _ so but close enough and-

“It’s not weird?”

And he apparently had no say in what his mouth was doing anymore.

Marius blinked. Words began falling out of him mouth almost overlapping.

“What? No! Well. It’s kinda weird but not in a bad way. Just in a that’s different way. Because I don’t think like that so it doesn’t occur to me but I don’t think there’s, like, something wrong with it or something.”

“Marius. Jonny. Are you alright?”

Apparently at some point they’d stopped walking because Brian was a ways ahead of them looking back. Tim was beside him though he didn’t seem to be paying attention.

Jonny and Marius began walking again.

“We’re fine, just got caught up in a discussion.”

“Fuck off.”

Brian shook his head at them before continuing on himself, nudging Tim occasionally towards the kitchen.

There was silence for a few moments before Marius started talking again. 

“I was being serious. It’s only weird because I was assuming that everyone thinks the same way I do.”

Marius  _ seemed _ like he was telling the truth.

Marius was also a very good liar though.

He wasn’t good at hiding his feelings though. So. So he was probably telling the truth.

Yeah, because it was totally plausible that  _ Jonny _ was the normal one.

No. but maybe Marius was weird too. So they could just be broken together.

“Okay.”

Marius laughed slightly. “Christ. We all need so much therapy.”

_ Why was he so obsessed with the stupid therapy? _

_ None of them needed therapy! _

_ It’d only make things worse! _

“Absolutely not!”

Oh gods. He was yelling now and he couldn’t stop.

“Just because you want to get cut up and questioned doesn’t mean anyone else does! Just fucking ask Raph to hurt you if you want it that much! No one fucking needs therapy! It doesn’t fucking help and it’s not going to solve any of our fucking problems and I don’t know  _ why _ you think getting carved up more is going to somehow magically change the fact that we’re all a bunch of no good murderous assholes!”

Marius was going to hate him. Marius was definitely going to hate him.

It’s not like it mattered. Marius already hated him. Who wouldn’t when all Jonny did was tell them how useless they were and threaten to kill them.

Marius didn’t mind though. He said it was fine and actually kinda sexy as long as Jonny made sure to dump his body on someone who could hold him for a while when he woke up.

Right. Because Marius was  _ definitely _ telling the truth. It’s not like Jonny had lied about how he felt being killed over and over before. What he thought of having his insides scraped out. What he thought of being held down and drained until he couldn’t even fight.

Why  _ ever _ would Marius lie about hating him.

“-that’s not how therapy works?! It’s- it’s supposed to help you! You just talk about things! N- not retraumatize people!”

...Marius seemed distressed by what Jonny had said.

He didn’t seem angry though?

No. he wasn’t angry. He. He was insisting that therapy was good and didn’t involve knives.

Did Marius not know what therapy was?

That would explain why he was so obsessed with it. If he thought it actually helped people. And wasn’t just an excuse for sick fuckers to justify cutting people up.

It wasn’t like Marius was an actual doctor. So he might not have the experience to know that doctors lie about stuff being good for you all the time.

Marius was starting to work himself into a panick. He was going to be a mess if someone didn’t calm him down soon.

Brian was normally pretty good at that.

Jonny turned to see why Brian wasn’t helping Marius. 

Brian wasn’t there anymore.

Fuck.

They must have stopped again. Only this time Brian didn’t notice until after he’d already left them behind. This was bad. This was very bad.

This meant Jonny was the only one around and Marius was going to have a panick attack and Jonny couldn’t fix that.

Wait. no. Marius said that Jonny could do whatever he wanted to him as long as Marius got cuddles and nicer things said after.

And if Jonny fucked up and didn’t make sure someone was there to do that he ended up crying and panicking for a while.

(And he wouldn’t talk to or even look at Jonny for weeks after).

So the holding must be to stop the panicking right?

Marius buried his face in Jonny’s hair.

...Jonny had stepped forward and hugged Marius? Or had Marius just hugged him?

Fuck it. It didn’t matter. Marius was calming down so the...cuddling was acceptable. 

Marius continued to shake for a few minutes. His breath slowly evened out. Once it seemed to be mostly calm he picked his head up for a moment before setting it back on Jonny’s. It felt like he’d turned so he was laying his cheek against Jonny.

“Thanks.” Marius’ voice was barely above a whisper. “Um. I can let go if you want. If you you don’t mind I’d kinda rather stay like this a little longer though.”

“...I’m not dealing with you having a panick attack.”

Marius shook with silent laughter for a brief moment. “I appreciate your tolerance.”

There was a moment where they were both silent, then Marius spoke again.

“I um. I don’t think that’s how therapy works. It’s supposed to. It’s supposed to help you. But like, with your mind not your body. And most people don’t really have issues with their head that can be solved by cutting them open. So uh. I’m pretty sure therapists aren’t supposed to cut you open.”

...every time Jonny had done therapy he’d been cut open. And it wasn’t even like he’d only done it with Carmilla.

“Ivy probably has books on it. We could check? Or I mean I could check. You probably don’t care. But um. I really want us all to maybe be okay? And if what I think is therapy can help we should maybe try it?”

Marius was rambling a bit. It was kinda nice actually. It reminded him of listening to his mother talk about her day when he was little.

He just hummed and nodded in response to Marius, letting his voice wash over him.

Jonny was warm and even if the pressure wasn’t perfect it was still good and he was safe.

After sometime Marius grew quiet again. Jonny pulled back slightly to look up at him. He was watching Jonny, brow slightly creased.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Not really.”

He should not have said that.

Instead of getting upset Marius just gave a short laugh. “Thank you for humoring me then.” He pulled Jonny back in to squeeze him tighter before trailing his arms down slowly as he let go.

For a moment Jonny felt dizzy, his body trying to scatter in every direction now that it was no longer being held together. Thankfully it passed quickly though.

He shrugged. Turning away he mumbled that they should probably try and catch with Brian and Tim, “-since you won’t let me just sleep.”

Marius’s answering laugh was bright. “Like I said, you’re going to feel worse if you don’t eat something first.”

They walked on towards the kitchen.

When they got there Marius caught his arm before he could walk through the door.

“Jonny, uh wait. I um. I want to make it clear that, uh, when I’m talking about wanting you to do therapy I don’t mean...I don’t mean what you described. I just want to hang out and have you tell me about your thoughts. So I can help you be less. Help you seem less. Um.”

Be less of a problem.

Jonny knew he was a problem.

_ Bad. useless. Freak. Idiot. _

“Be less me you mean.”

Marius floundered for a moment.

“It’s fine.” Jonny trained his eyes on the floor. “I know I’m an asshole and nuisance on the best days. You don’t have to pretend.”

Silence. Then, “ _ No. _ Like, yes. You’re an asshole and annoying a lot, but those are  _ not _ your best days. And I don’t want you to be less you. I just. I . Give me a moment.”

Jonny looked back up. Marius’s brow was creased as he tried to put his point into words.

After a moment he sighed. “Okay, I think this way makes sense. Sometimes it seems like there’s two Jonnys. One that, one that lashes out and attacks everyone and generally just behaves like an animal. And um.”

A pause. Marius sort of shook his head for a moment. “The other is more like. He’s the Jonny that does stuff like make sure everyone’s clothes are fitted properly and shows up at my door when I’m having a bad day with shitty beer that he hates but I love. He’s uh. He’s a man I’d be really proud to call my Captain.”

Jonny’s cheeks felt warm.

He tried to make sure his crew was okay. He knew most of them were really bad at taking care of themselves. He always tried to make sure they didn’t think he was paying too much attention to them though. He didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. 

Was Marius saying that he’d actually call Jonny Captain if he made it more obvious that he paid attention to him?

“Most of the time it seems like you’re caught somewhere between the two though. And I. I want to try and help you be closer to the one I’d call Captain usually. So that the other one is more like, just someone that happens on really bad days.”

“If. If that’s something you might be okay with I’d really like to try it sometimes. -or even if you don’t want to talk with me I think you’d really benefit from talking things out with someone so you could do it with someone else.”

Marius had a pinched look to his face. Jonny was ...pretty sure that he was going to start rambling in a more panicked way if he didn’t stop him.

“Okay. I- I’ll think about it.” 

Marius shut up when he started talking. His entire face lighting up at Jonny’s acquisition that he’d consider Marius’s talking idea.

“You can bug Ivy about what it’s actually called since it’s not therapy or whatever.”

He pulled away and went into the kitchen, but not before he saw Marius’s grin.

It was stupid for him to be pleased by Marius’s excitement or happiness or whatever it was. Marius was an idiot for being so happy over Jonny agreeing to think about his idea - who was probably manipulating Jonny for that matter.

Still. Marius had said that sometimes the person he saw when he looked at Jonny was someone he  _ wanted _ to call Captain...and that he wanted to see Jonny be that person more.

Jonny wasn’t good with people. And he knew that some things that he would be scared of if he was the type to get scared weren’t things that scared the others. If Marius liked having a commanding officer pay too much attention to him maybe the others did too.

If Marius was right and his talking thing worked. Maybe. Maybe Jonny could actually be worth something.

* * *

Brian was cooking and had got Tim sat down at the table with a drink. He was just staring at it though.

Jonny slid into the seat next to him. Tim had enough height on him that he was able to check his gaze even though he was looking down. It wasn't good.

Jonny was pretty sure his own gaze was more focused when he was completely out of it on  _ pain-pleasure _ . Tim had seemed okay yesterday. What had changed?

Surely Jonny freaking out wouldn't have left him that much of a mess right?

No. Marius had said that Tim had a panick attack. So Tim just wasn't done recovering from that. 

_ But what if. _

No. Tim wasn't done recovering from his panick attack. Jonny wasn't going to think about it anymore. 

He could. He could trust Marius that much. And even if he couldn't-

He leaned forward and craned his neck. 

_ There. MJE. _

_ Thank god Brian had his hair up today. _

Even if he couldn't Brian was on MJE. He would make sure Tim was safe. Because letting Tim be hurt was  _ Wrong _ . So Jonny could trust that Marius was telling the truth this time and Tim had a panick attack when he couldn't help Jonny.

A plate slid in front of him. Eggs, rice, what looked like some sort of canned meat. He'd need to check with Ashes and make sure to update Brian's itinerary if this was what they were getting down to. Hopefully they just hadn’t bothered adding more food to the pantry in a while.

Jonny tuned back in to hear Brian asking Marius about what had taken them so long.

“I almost gave myself a panick attack. Jonny was cool about and helped out though. Just needed a few minutes to calm down.”

How on earth was Marius still so energetic? Jonny was even more of a spazz than he was half the time he felt like he was going to pass out.

“Hey. Hey Tim? You with us buddy?”

Marius had moved around and was trying to get Tim’s attention. Tim turned towards him but that was it. He didn’t seem to be actually hearing Marius.

Marius stood up so he could look at Jonny over Tim’s head. “Hey Jonny. You wanna try getting through to Tim? He doesn’t seem to be panicking but it's probably not good for him to stay this spaced out.”

Why would Jonny be able to help? He-

“You’re kidding right?”

Oh. he’d said that outloud.

“Yeah. You did. But like. Jonny, you realize that Tim cares about you right?”

Yeah? But that doesn’t mean that Tim wanted anything to do with him.

Tim hated him-OH! That’s what Marius meant. Tim didn’t want to hate him. Tim maybe wanted to love him again. So he might be able to get Tim’s attention when Marius couldn’t.

He hesitated, but slid his hand over to cover Tim’s.

Tim turned to look at their hands. A frown creased his face for a moment before he looked up at Jonny.

Jonny felt his cheeks flush as he turned back to his food and began eating.

He didn’t even know why he felt so embarrassed all of a sudden. The entire point of holding Tim’s hand was to get his attention.  _ Why was he blushing over Tim paying attention to him? _

He began rubbing his thumb against Tim’s hand while they ate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much Tim here, but hopefully this cleared up some of what's going on with the rest of the mechs!
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	10. Going to Be Okay (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim's kinda out of it, but he thinks they're going to be okay.  
> Also! Conversation with Brian!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- heavy dissociation  
> \- discussion of serious injuries  
> \- discussion of kidnapping/accidental abandonment

Tim didn’t quite feel present. It felt like he was floating but not in the good way.

At Marius and Brian’s insistence he had gotten up and dressed. He’d managed to keep it together for a bit, but as they’d made their way to the kitchen he’d slowly gotten more and more out of it.

When they got to the kitchen Tim had been sat down. A drink was set before him, and then food.

It all tasted of ash.

A part of him registered that there was conversation happening around him. He couldn’t get himself to listen though.

A hand squeezed his shoulder.

He turned to see Marius.

His mouth moved but Tim couldn’t hear the words.

He frowned. stood up. Seemed to be saying something to someone over his head.

A hand settled on his.

He frowned.

The hand was smaller than his. Darker too.

The skin was ashen. There was something wrong with that.

The hand squeezed.

He looked up.

Jonny was watching him.

Jonny looked back down at his own food quickly, cheeks flushed.

His thumb began rubbing back and forth on Tim’s hand.

Tim thought that they were going to be okay.

* * *

Tim had managed to get most of the food down by the time Jonny had started pulling him up. He’d gotten their hands tangled and Jonny hadn’t said anything.

That was probably a good thing given Jonny had been blushing to no end the entire time.

Tim wanted to make sure though...and he wanted to hold Jonny. Sue him.

He pulled Jonny into him.

There wasn’t any sort of objection. Jonny went willingly.

When Jonny ran into his chest he wrapped his own arms around Tim.

After a brief pause Brian’s hand settled on his shoulder. “Will the two of you be safe heading back to your room or are you liable to get hurt on the way?”

Tim hummed in response.

They’d probably be fine. If he told Brian that then Brian and Marius would leave though. He didn’t have a problem if they did. He was enjoying having their company while he held Jonny though.

“Okay. I’m gonna take that as a no.” 

Brian’s hand dropped from his shoulder and rested on his back, shoving him away. That was rude.

Jonny mumbled into his chest. “He’s going to fall over the second you let go.”

Oh. Maybe not rude then. He must have tipped into Brian.

Marius was pressed up against Jonny’s back. Tim could feel his arms folding over each other against his stomach. He didn’t quite bury his face into Tim’s chest alongside Jonny’s, but it was close with how he was nuzzling into Jonny’s neck.

“Do you need someone to keep an eye on him while you nap or something?”

Was he talking to Tim or Jonny?

Jonny snorted. “I’m not an idiot Marius. I’m aware that people have things to do.”

“So? Doesn’t mean no one else can come to bed with you.”

It didn’t. Marius and Brian could come back to their room with them. Marius probably was needing affection given that he was risking demanding it from Jonny. They could give it to him and then they’d get more cuddles too.

If Marius and Brian came back with them then Tim could get Jonny completely surrounded with warmth and love. Jonny deserved that. 

“What are you suggesting we all sleep together or something,” Jonny's voice sounded resigned.

Marius went from cuddling up against Tim through Jonny to vibrating to the side of them. His entire face was lit up and he was looking at Jonny with a focus normally reserved for when Ashes was giving out commands.

“Can we?!”

Jonny went completely still for a moment.

Tim glanced towards Brian, unable to resist smiling at Marius’s enthusiasm, during the pause.

“Um. Sure?” As he spoke some of the tension left Jonny.

Marius cheered even as he began to make plans to apparently get the entire crew to all pile together in the medbay.

Brian’s free hand rose up to cover the grin that was breaking across his face and he locked eyes with Tim. Tim grinned back at him even as he felt Jonny turn to look at Brian as well.

Brian burst into laughter.

Tim pressed his smile into Jonny’s hair.

After a few moments Brian’s laughter eased off. 

“Sorry. Your face in combination with Marius was, uh. It surprised me. I think Marius has been looking for an excuse to get the entire crew in a bed together pretty much since he showed up.”

“You actually probably just cemented a place as his favourite person for the next decade or so by giving him one.”

There was pause during which Tim could practically feel Jonny failing to comprehend what Brian had just said. Then- “What?”

“Marius is like.”

Brian cut himself off at the same time that Jonny mumbled something about needing to stop thinking out loud.

Brian didn’t really know how to explain why Marius was so excited did he?

Tim could do that.

“Marius is worse than Bertie about getting attention.”

There were a couple beats of silence then Jonny tried pulling back.

No? They were cuddling thank you. 

Tim pulled Jonny back into his chest tightening his hold.

Belatedly he realized that Jonny might have actually been wanting him to let go. Thankfully, Jonny just huffed at him.

“That doesn’t actually explain anything.”

Brian laughed, presumably at them. “Okay, how about- have you dealt with dogs? Like puppies I mean.”

“Yeah...”

“There’s a reason I call Marius a puppy.”

Tim turned his head so he could see Brian while Jonny tried to process that.

It wasn’t a bad comparison from what Tim could remember of his few encounters with dogs. He would have described Marius as an octokitten though. ...then again he would describe any of the members of the crew as an octokitten.

“Seriously though Jonny, Are you okay with this? I can head Marius off if you’d rather not.”

There was a moment where Jonny seemed to be debating before he sighed. “Yeah. Marius can have his cuddle pile or whatever.” He did not sound enthused. He didn’t sound like he was lying either though.

“Tim?”

“We can do a cuddle pile.”

He had to grin again when his response made Brian laugh. 

“Come on then. If we go ahead and beat Marius to the medbay we can decide where everyone gets put.”

Tim didn’t want to but he could let go of Jonny long enough for them to walk to the medbay. He didn’t want to. But he could.

When he pulled back so Jonny could step out of his arms he got a slight noise that almost sounded like objection. There was another pause while Jonny looked at him.

Jonny reached out and grabbed his hand with his own, intertwining them.

Tim was fairly certain he was beaming.

Brian made this sort of choking noise, like he was trying to avoid laughing again.

Jonny flushed. “Shut up.”

Tim was pulled along as Jonny set a brisk pace towards the medbay.

Yeah. Tim was pretty sure they were going to be okay.

* * *

Jonny had passed out almost as soon as they’d settled down. Just flipped himself and Tim over so Tim was laying fully on top of him, tucked his head into Tim’s neck, and stopped responding.

It scared Tim for a moment.

Brain just grabbed blankets to cover them and settled down next to them though. He’d thrown an arm over Tim and pulled them both firmly against his chest.

He quietly laughed, “Jonny really that tired, huh,” his voice barely above a whisper.

It’d been enough to soothe Tim’s worries - at least for a time.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Tim settled his head on one of the pillows Marius had scattered about the room facing Brian. “Something happened while I was gone, didn’t it?”

Brian sighed. “Yes. Are you sure you’re able to handle talking about it right now?”

Tim opened his mouth, paused. Was he able to handle it?

He was capable of recognizing that he was probably less okay than he thought given that he had multiple breakdowns and a panic attack within ...he wasn’t actually sure how long he’d been awake.

It felt like it couldn’t have been more than a few hours but Jonny normally didn’t sleep every night when they weren’t on a planet.

...Regardless, he wasn’t going to be able to rest without knowing what happened to Jonny though. He’d already failed him too much, even if Jonny didn’t think so.

“Probably not as well as I’d like. I’m going to obsess over it until I get the story though so…” He resisted the urge to shrug if for no other reason than to avoid disturbing Jonny.

Brian had pulled a face before nodding. 

“Fair enough. About fifty years ago I think? We came across what looked like a recently abandoned space station. It still had power so we figured it’d been abandoned in the past few months at most. When we boarded from the shuttle it still looked like a ghost town. I think we all could tell something was off though because no one suggested splitting up. We just let Ashes and Jonny take point and began making our way through.”

“We couldn’t have got more than a few corridors into the station when we ran into people. They were killed of course, but not before one of them managed to set off an alarm. The entire station turned into a death trap after that. We started retreating to the shuttle pretty quickly. Whatever was going on left enough of a mark even Jonny didn’t seem to so much as consider sticking around. It felt like we were going in circles though.”

The back of Tim’s neck prickled. He tightened his grip on Jonny.

“We must have spent a good thirty minutes trying to find our way back. Guards had started appearing at that point. Most of them went down no problem, there was this one guard though.”

Brian swallowed, his eyes a little distant. “There was one guard that didn’t seem to care what they got hit with. The only time I saw them ever drop was when Ashes managed to hit them with a grenade right as it exploded. Scared the crap out of all of us honestly.”

Tim felt cold. The only time he’d ever dealt with enemies that wouldn’t drop had been fighting the other Mechanisms. He had been used to it by the time his anger had waned so he’d never dealt with terror like Brian’s story was invoking.

“Jonny refused to board the shuttle until the rest of us had. Actually yelled at TS to get its ass in the shuttle despite him being closer. I didn’t see what happened myself - would have made sure someone went and got him if I had, but I was getting it ready to launch and head back to Aurora. Ashes had to fill me in later.”

“There was an explosion right as Jonny turned to run into the shuttle. A shot flew past him and managed to disengage the locking mechanism on the doors. We had to get Nastya to come pry them open when we got back to the Aurora. Between timing and the lack of shouting for me to wait, I assumed he’d made it and took off.”

“We actually did plan to go after him. Ashes broke into your armoury and loaded everyone up while Nastya and I got another shuttle ready. When we got back the station was gone though.”

Brian went quiet for a moment.

...What?

Aurora was one of the most advanced starships in all of space-time. If the station had tried to run she should have known and been tracking it.

“We stuck around for a couple decades taking what readings we could. Trying to figure out where it had gone before Aurora started getting signals about a ship coming from the next system over. We put it to a vote and decided to go check it out. It turned out to be a good thing we did because it was Jonny.”

“He was passed out and badly hurt when we pulled him in. Whatever they did to him...his mechanism was having difficulty healing him. He was still covered in cuts and burns. He spent nearly a week in the medbay before he woke up. Disappeared while Marius was getting me to try and help make sure the bandages weren’t too tight or something.”

“Aurora was able to find him thankfully. He had holed up in your room as soon as he realized where he was from what we could figure. I managed to catch him a couple of times when he went to get more bandages. I think Marius did too at least. Don’t know about the others.”

“Whatever happened...his wounds healed like they would have on a mortal.”

Tim stopped breathing.

That was bad. That was very bad. Even if Jonny’s healing was less consistent than the rest of theirs, it was still much much faster than a mortal’s would be. It had to be for him to come back from death even halfway functional.

“Ashes ended up cornering him and demanding at least enough of a story to know how they were liable to hurt him. They didn’t share any of what he told them, just that his mechanism was fine and to lay off him for a while. I don’t think anybody else has heard anything about what happened to him before today. Nastya might have, but she’s seemed just as worried as the rest of us so I doubt it.”

Tim swallowed. His eyes burned. No wonder Jonny was so clingy.

If the flashback he’d described was anything to go off of...he’d spent 20 years reliving some of his most traumatic memories at the hands of the man he’d loved. Even though Bertie couldn’t have been there - and wow, did Tim feel even worse about the way he’d reacted to being mechanized now that he knew Jonny had tried his best to bring Bertie back. Even though it couldn’t have been Bertie, somehow those monsters had been able to use his face to torture Jonny.

Distantly Tim realized that tears were starting to fall.

If Jonny had been captured fifty years ago and come back twenty years after that, then he’d only been out of that for about thirty years.

Thirty years of not talking about what happened. Thirty years of stewing on what had happened. Thirty years of no doubt questioning everything he saw.

A hand began combing through his hair. Soft shushing noises made their way to him through a fog.

Tim blinked a few times.

Brian was murmuring platitudes and petting his hair.

Tim swallowed. Choked on a sob trying to force its way out. He took a deep breath, held it for a count of 8, let it out.

The breathing exercises were probably Tim’s favourite trick that Laiba had taught him. They gave him time to think and at the same time they forced his body back under his control.

He went through a few more breaths. Counting out the seconds until his breathing was under control even if he was still crying.

“Is there anything I can do that’ll help? I- I haven’t been there for him near as much as I should. I want to change that.”

Brian studied him for a long moment. “I wish I could tell you something that would make it all better, Tim, really I do. I don’t think there is though.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “Even if we could somehow manage to get Jonny to agree to get help and find someone who could help him, I don’t think Jonny’s ever going to be fully okay.”

“I. I’ve been around long enough that I’ve gotten a few glimpses of what kind of person Jonny must have been before Carmilla got a hold of him. Little moments where he seems like he could have been a good person.”

Brian paused. “Carmilla fucked him up. Sometimes I think she fucked him up worse than she did the rest of us. I know Nastya was around for a good thousand years or so before me though. She remembers waking up to a Jonny that was softer than he’s been the entire time I’ve known him. Jonny’s really the only one who knows how much older than Nastya he is. So um. She probably didn’t really fuck him up that much worse, just had more time to hurt him than she did with the rest of us.”

That. That hurt. Tim was pretty sure that Brian was on MJE. Which meant everything he said was true. So he honestly believed Jonny was doomed to be fucked up forever.

Words were flying out of his mouth before he even thought about it.

“What about the rest of us then? Do you think we should all get therapy and leave Jonny to his trauma or something?”

Tim knew he was being cruel. That he didn’t need to snap at Brian.

Brian blinked. “Wha-? Ah- I...don’t believe I phrased that well.”

“Um. I don’t think any of us can ever be fully okay for what it’s worth. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Or that Jonny shouldn’t.”

It was Tim’s turn to blink.

Brian muttered under his breath for a few moments. Tim caught a word or two that he recognized, more from Brian working statements out aloud than any actual knowledge of what he assumed was Brian’s native language.

“Okay. Do you know what PTSD is?”

PTSD sounded familiar. He thought it over for a moment.

Was that one of the things Laiba had mentioned? 

It was, wasn’t it? They’d said given what he told them about his life he probably had it. He didn’t remember the logic they’d had behind that statement though.

“I’ve heard the phrase before.”

Brian nodded. “I’ll just explain as best I can then. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s uh. It’s basically a way of categorizing what our brains do when we have something bad happen to us. What counts as bad depends on the person, but uh. There are some things that are pretty much guaranteed to give you PTSD.”

“Okay…”

“Dying would be one of those things.”

That was. That was concerning. It definitely explained why Laiba had suggested that he probably had it. He was fairly certain that he’d told them about the whole immortal, death doesn’t stick thing.

“I’m pretty sure we all have PTSD from that at least. Wouldn’t be surprised if we had PTSD from other things as well.”

Brian paused until Tim acknowledged his explanation.

“PTSD isn’t something that ever goes away. Literally the only way to get rid of it fully would be to physically rebuild our brains...without any of our memories from the time of our mechanization at least.”

“Things like therapy can still help though. Talking things through, processing what happened, finding ways to deal with it in a healthy manner. They’re all ways to make it easier to live with. Even if we can’t be fully okay we can still be more okay than we are right now.”

“Does that. Does that make more sense?”

It kinda did. Sounded a lot like how Laiba talked when they recommended that he try to keep up with the therapy they’d in some way when he eventually got home actually.

“Yeah,” his voice was small. “I think I get it. We’re all fucked up in ways that can’t be fixed so the best we can hope for is getting more control over our problems.”

Brian pulled another face as he thought over Tim’s response. He sighed, “Yeah, that’s close enough to my point.”

“How come you never brought any of this stuff up before anyways? If you know all this stuff seems like you’d be the pushing therapy not Marius.”

Brian looked sheepish. “I didn’t. Know this stuff before I mean.”

He looked down, swallowed. “Jonny shutting down instead of lashing out after he got back scared me. I've spent a chunk of my free time since going through Ivy’s library trying to learn everything I can about psychology.”

“Was hoping I could figure out enough to help Jonny recover from what happened if nothing else. Kinda just realized how much we’re all really fucked up and kinda lucky we’re as functional as we are at this point.”

Lucky? He was concerned and called them lucky?

Brian must have seen the question on his face. “From everything I’ve read it’s a little bit of a miracle no one’s thrown themselves out an airlock because a bullet won’t take yet.”

Tim sucked in a breath.

Oh. That was. A lot. Tim was pretty sure they’d all taken a gun to their own head at some point. Jonny had apparently spent an indeterminate amount of time trying to kill himself after Tim had blown them both up. If TS hadn’t gone and got him would he have resorted to throwing himself into the void just so his mechanism wouldn’t be able to keep up?

How many times had Tim half considered trying something like throwing himself into a star to wait out however long it took for his mechanism to finally give out? How many times had he collected guns covered in brain matter from the hands of the fresh corpses of his friends?

Jesus H. Christ. They needed help. Badly.

He swallowed.

“I. I might have tried out some therapy while I was stuck in that prison. It did help some. Do you. Do you think we might be able to figure something out?”

Brian seemed startled at that.

“Yeah.” A smile spread across his face. “We’re a pretty smart bunch. I’m sure we’ll be able to figure it out if people will try.”

There was a brief moment of quiet where Tim and Brian just looked at each other.

Then the sound of a door opening followed by Marius’s voice - and a weight dropping partially on top of Tim.

Jonny made a distressed noise, jerking in Tim’s hold.

“Fuck,” Marius whispered. “Sorry. Didn’t think he’d already be asleep.”

“You’re a fucking asshole is what you are.”

Jonny’s response was mostly unintelligible against Tim’s neck.

Tim could feel Brian shaking with laughter as Marius began trying to nudge his way under Tim as well despite there being two arms in the way.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I can make it up to you?”

Tim tuned Marius’s rambling attempts to placate Jonny out as Ashes settled next to his head.

“How are you doing?” Their question was quiet.

Tim shrugged as best he could. “Okay I think?”

He could barely hear himself.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “I spent a few decades in solitary so not great. I’m home now though so.”

Ashes smiled and began petting his hair.

Jonny was starting to grumble and shift in Tim’s hold by now. Marius’s apparent determination to cuddle Jonny was starting to become annoying.

...Fuck it. This might just irritate him more but worth a shot.

Tim twisted towards Brian, pulling Jonny with him.

When he settled back down his back was pressed against Brian’s chest and Jonny was held against his own. Marius was able to cuddle up against Jonny’s back without much issue.

Jonny whined burying his face further into Tim’s neck.

Ashes and Brian were both laughing at them.

After a few moments Jonny loosened his grip on Tim. “Was that necessary?”

His words were still hard to make out but it sounded like he was probably actually awake rather than just reacting to being disturbed now.

“I thought you told Marius he could cuddle. Figured that’d be less likely to wake you than letting him continue.”

Jonny just grumbled.

There was a pause before Marius asked in a small voice, “Do you want me to go?”

Shit. Right. Marius wasn’t that much better than Jonny about telling when people were upset in general as opposed to upset at him.

Jonny let go of him and reached back to grab Marius’s arm. He pulled it over himself as he turned to lay more on his stomach. In the process, Marius followed to end up half laying on Jonny.

“I said you could take a nap with us. Go the fuck to sleep.”

Tim hid a grin in Jonny’s hair.

He was so proud of Jonny for not lashing out. Even if he understood that Jonny wasn’t comfortable with emotions or being vulnerable. Even if he understood why Jonny was so cautious about letting people in. Jonny still took the time to reassure Marius that his presence wasn’t a problem.

He could feel Marius pressing closer and settling in against himself and Jonny. Brian’s pulled his arm out from around Tim’s waist to wrap it around all three of them. Ashes began humming as they pet their boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we actually know what happened with the station...some.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
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> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
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> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	11. Cuddle Pile (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny agrees to Marius getting a cuddle pile (and gets one himself). Also, people like him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- disordered thinking  
> \- dissociation

By the time Marius had acquiesced that they could go back to sleep Jonny was falling asleep where he sat. Tim had turned his palm over to tangle their fingers together ….a while ago. When they got up he tugged on their joined hands slightly so that Jonny stumbled into him.

Tim let go of Jonny’s hand and wrapped his arms around him. They swayed there for a moment before Brian placed a hand on Tim’s shoulder.

Jonny could hear the smile in his voice as he asked if they were able to get back to their room on their own.

Tim just hummed in response. Jonny was pulled along as he tipped into Brian.

“Okay. I’m gonna take that as a no.”

Jonny grumbled as Brian righted them. “He’s going to fall over the second you let go.”

Marius’s hand skated across the small of his back. His arms slid around Jonny and he dropped his chin onto Jonny’s shoulder as he pressed up against him. “Do you need someone to keep an eye on him while you nap or something?”

Jonny snorted. “I’m not an idiot Marius. I’m aware that people have things to do.”

He felt Marius press the pout into his neck. “So? Doesn’t mean no one else can come to bed with you.”

Was Marius being serious?

He was aware that people didn’t much like him. That no one would really mind if he disappeared. Why would anyone waste their time just because Jonny was too useless to stay awake?

His response came out weaker than he intended, “What are you suggesting we all sleep together or something?”

Marius suddenly straightened. He stopped hanging off of Jonny to dart around so Jonny could see him. Hands held behind his back, he was literally bouncing, leaning forward enough that he kept having to rock back onto his heels to keep from overbalancing and tipping into Tim and Jonny. His face was...uplifted. His eyes shone and trained on Jonny. “Can we?!”

Jonny blinked.

Was Marius okay?

Marius was generally excitable but this was...more desperate? almost.

It was like Marius went from zero to a hundred at the mere possibility of attention.

“Um. Sure?”

Marius’s cheer cut off anything else he had to say. He began vomiting words even as he darted off. 

“I converted one of the rooms in the medbay into like, a giant bed. I’ll go get the others and we can all do cuddles!”

Jonny blinked. He turned his head to look at Brian.

Brian still had one hand on Tim keeping him upright. The other was failing to hide a smile though.

After a moment he caught Jonny’s gaze and burst into laughter.

...had something happened to his crew while Jonny and Tim were asleep?

After a moment Brian managed to get control of himself again. He smiled at Jonny. “Sorry. Your face in combination with Marius was, uh. It surprised me. I think Marius has been looking for an excuse to get the entire crew in a bed together pretty much since he showed up.”

Okay?

“You actually probably just cemented a place as his favourite person for the next decade or so by giving him one.”

_...What? _

“Marius is like.”

Oh. he’d said that out loud. He really needed to work on that.

Brian’s mouth twitched. 

“Marius is worse than Bertie about getting attention.”

The comment was mumbled into Jonny’s hair. It was a sign that Tim was more present though.

Tim pulled Jonny back against him when he tried to pull back.

Jonny huffed. “That doesn’t actually explain anything.”

Brian laughed at them. “Okay, how about- have you dealt with dogs? Like puppies I mean.”

“Yeah...”

“There’s a reason I call Marius a puppy.”

That still didn’t...okay, that kinda explained the bouncing. It didn’t explain why Jonny was Marius’s new favourite because he said they could sleep together though.

Also, it didn’t explain why Marius’s mood was bouncing around so much.  _ Jonny _ was getting whiplash trying to keep up.

“Seriously though Jonny, Are you okay with this? I can head Marius off if you’d rather not.”

That was...kind of Brian to offer. 

Jonny would be fine though. It wasn’t a problem if the entire crew slept together. He just didn’t understand why they’d  _ want _ to.

He wasn’t entirely sure what it was, he told Brian in response. It seemed to convince him that Jonny wasn’t going to get upset or have a panic attack or whatever it was he was worried about.

“Tim?”

“We can do a cuddle pile.”

Jonny was starting to think Brian might not be holding it together as well as he seemed with how much he was laughing. 

“Come on then. If we go ahead and beat Marius to the medbay we can decide where everyone gets put.”

There was a pause before Tim slowly pulled back and let go of Jonny.

...right. Part of moving meant letting go.

Jonny could feel both Brian and Tim’s eyes on him when he stepped back.

_ Goddamned it. _ Now he felt cold.

Not even like properly cold, just this stupid bullshit cold that was centered in his chest and somehow connected to Tim letting him go.

...he was going to regret this.

He was definitely going to regret this.

Fuck it. He was doing it anyways.

Jonny reached over and tangled his fingers with Tim’s.

Tim immediately lit up, a grin taking over his face.

Brian made some sort of sound caught between a choke and a laugh.

...yeah, he already regretted it.

He could feel his cheeks flush as he told them both to shut up. 

He pivoted and began walking towards the medbay. Tim and Brian trailing after.

* * *

The drone of Tim and Brian’s conversation had been soothing even if Jonny was too exhausted to bother trying to follow it. 

Probably would have been rude too since he was pretty sure they thought he was asleep. Which. He sort of was. But he was also conscious enough to recognize that they were talking.

A weight suddenly dropped on top of his side. He whined and tried to jerk back only to be stopped by Tim’s weight on him.

A voice whispered from close to his head. “Fuck, sorry. I didn’t think he’d already be asleep.”

Marius.

“You’re a fucking asshole is what you are.”

He felt a nose pressing against the side of his head as Marius began apologizing.

It almost felt like he was trying to push in between Tim and Jonny - which no?

Tim  _ hugged Jonny. _ Marius could find his own person to cuddle.

“I really really really didn’t mean to upset you Jonny. Please don’t be mad at me.”

...Jonny would probably feel bad about not letting Marius get Tim cuddles when he woke up - especially considering he knew he was partly at fault for him not having someone to cuddle.

But Tim had been gone for ages and said he wanted to spend time with Jonny first. Marius could fuck right off for a while.

_ Motherfucking pendejo that has to demand they pay attention to him instead of annoying his girlfriends. _

Tim suddenly tipped and pulled Jonny onto his side.

His arms tightened on Tim’s shirt. He was fairly certain he was whining as he hid his face in Tim’s neck.

Marius stopped trying to get in between Tim and Jonny finally. Instead he shoved an arm between them to wrap around Jonny’s waist. He curled his other arm over Jonny’s head and presumably shoved under Tim’s head.

It wasn’t  _ as good _ as when Jonny had been tangled in between Tim and Bertie but, with how he was pressing up against Jonny’s back, Marius was a half decent stand-in.

Ashes must also be here now since it sounded like they and Brian were both laughing.

Brian’s arm moved out from where it’d gotten shoved between Tim and Jonny and he moved it to rest over both of them instead.

_ Why did Tim move them? Jonny had liked having him press him into the floor. Bed. Whatever it was. _

_...Even if being pressed between two of his people was kinda better. _

“Was that necessary?” Jonny made sure to loosen his grip so he wasn’t clinging to Tim. If he was going to question Tim’s actions he could at least not be so clingy.

“I thought you told Marius he could cuddle. Figured that’d be less likely to wake you than letting him continue.”

Okay. Fine. He had said that.

Actually. That did explain why Marius had stopped trying to get attention as soon as he was able to cuddle up to Jonny though.

Why would he want to cuddle  _ Jonny _ though?

It’s not like Jonny was nice to him or even a worthwhile person in the first place.

No. Marius. Marius said he wanted to call Jonny his Captain when Jonny showed his hand. Brian said Marius was like a puppy.

Marius didn’t care that Jonny was worthless. He’d somehow ended up stuck caring about Jonny and he wanted anybody he cared about to pay attention to him.

Jonny didn’t normally give him attention without hurting him so he was trying to get as much as he could before Jonny decided to shoot him.

...Yeah. Yeah. That made sense.

Marius’s voice was quiet. It sounded like he was going to start choking back tears soon. “Do you want me to go?”

Fuck.

Now Marius thought he was angry with him.

Marius was going to cry because of him.

Marius started pulling away from Jonny.

_ Fuck. _

Jonny dropped his hold on Tim.

One hand down to push himself up a touch, the other could grab Marius’s shoulder. He twisted in Tim’s hold. Marius didn’t fight as he pulled him with him.

He settled more on his stomach than before with Marius partly draped on top of him and Tim pressed tight against his front and side.

“I said you could take a nap with us. Go the fuck to sleep.”

Tim pressed his face into Jonny’s hair while Brian pulled his arm out from between them. Marius somehow managed to press closer nuzzling the back of Jonny’s neck.

Jonny felt a hand begin running through his hair as he let himself begin checking out and drift towards sleep.

* * *

When Jonny woke for real he could hear the murmur of quiet conversation around him.

He was draped across someone’s chest. There was a second person sprawled across his back.

His arm was stretched up and tangled with someone’s hand. 

He didn’t bother moving for a few moments.

It was comfortable...for the most part.

Jonny may have had a slight cramp and wouldn’t have minded stretching, but he was almost completely surrounded with warmth and pressure and it was  _ good _ .

He wasn’t actually sure when the last time he’d felt this warm was.

He’d been surprised by how warm he’d feel when Tim kissed him...yesterday? This was even more than that though. Jonny wanted to _ squirm  _ with how full his chest felt it was so much. 

The firm press from being caught between two bodies was enough to keep him still for now though.

A finger poked his head.

“Jonny?” someone whispered.

He grumbled in response. 

“Given that you reacted in a manner other than shooting me, there is a 98% chance you are, in fact, awake.”

Yeah. That didn’t mean he had to acknowledge her.

Another finger started poking repeatedly at his shoulder. Which he now realized was apparently accessible.

“Since you’re awake, your input would be appreciated.”

He shifted his head to glare up at Ashes and Ivy. 

Ashes had above and to the side of him. He could see a mess of golden curls so presumably it was Raph or Brian who’s head was in their lap. Ivy was sitting more directly above him and it looked like Nastya’s head was in her lap.

His head was being held by whoever it was so Nastya was probably a safe bet. Tim was really the only other one who might be confident they’d get aware with it.

Fuck, his neck hurt.

He turned his head back down so it was tucked between Tim’s chest and Marius’s neck.

“What do you want?”

There was the sound of muffled laughter.

“You know Raph and I went with Brian to see where Tim had got to right?” Ashes’s tone at least made it clear that they were rolling their eyes at Ivy.

“Yeah.”

"He was extremely out of it when we got to him."

Raph would be the one laying in Ashes's lap then. She sounded more...science than normal. That probably wasn't a good sign.

"Okay? He's less out of it now though."

"Some, yeah," Ashes cut in. "He's actually a lot more responsive than I was expecting him to be by now."

Jonny made an acknowledging noise.

“He wasn’t reacting to anything we said when we got to him initially. Took longer than normal to revive too.”

Okay?

Tim had been in solitary. They all knew that tended to leave you non-responsive for a while.

Wait. Did they actually just shoot Tim to try and fix him?

They wouldn’t, would they?

“Revive? What did y’all decide to kill him when he wouldn’t respond or something?”

“Depending on a variety of factors it would not have been a horrendous plan. Death has an average of 63% chance of restoring us from ordeals such as solitary confinement.”

Ashes cut back in before he could respond to Ivy. “Regardless, we didn’t. Brian had to carry Tim out and he ended up getting hit in the firefight. Came back to after we had got to the shuttle and were on our way back.”

“By the time we got back to Aurora, he was talking at least. Still didn’t seem completely aware that there was anyone besides Brian present though.”

Okay. That was. That was worse than Tim had been most of the time since he cornered Jonny. 

He hadn’t seemed that bad though? 

Like, when he’d found Jonny he’d seemed fine. Well. Aside from deciding he didn’t hate Jonny anymore and asking to kiss him and being really gentle. But he’d been aware and present and hadn’t seemed like he didn’t know what was going on.

And he’d been fine when they woke up. He’d still been weirdly gentle and...loving...but he hadn’t been out of it. Not until after Jonny had a flashback. 

A finger jabbed at his shoulder again.

“Raph if he shoots you, you’re going to deserve it.”

Oh. He must have spaced out.

“Tim seemed mostly fine though.”

“Based on my current research, there is a 71% chance that he is both less fine that he appears and only in your presence.”

What? Did. Was Ivy trying to tell him that he was making Tim worse?

Why didn’t she just say so then.

“Ivy! Are you actually trying to tell us Tim’s  _ worse _ off when Jonny’s around!?” Raph sounded confused and...angry?

“Wha- oh. No. There’s a 71% percent chance that Jonny’s presence is directly linked to how okay Tim appears.”

Oh.

That was...odd.

He didn’t expect that.

“So what? He fakes being okay when I’m around? Why'd y’all want my input then?”

He could feel the look Ashes was giving him.

“Even when the two of you are actively fighting, Tim’s more pulled together when he’s with you. Ivy’s poor phrasing aside, he’s probably been mostly fine since you first saw him because he’s been with you the entire time.”

_ What??? _

Tim was better when he was with Jonny?

That didn’t make any sense. Literally everything bad in Tim’s life was because of Jonny. Why would he be better when he was with Jonny?

“Jonny,” Ashes hesitated.

Shit. He must be talking out loud again.

“You. You  _ do know _ you’re Tim’s favourite, right?”

“What?”

“He literally spent three decades complaining about you leaving him behind on Thuvia,” Raph said matter of factly. “He spends more time with you than anyone else. You’re literally the only person he doesn’t shoot on sight when he’s having a bad day.”

“60% of the time he desires company Tim seeks you out," Ivy continued where her girlfriend had left off. "Of the remaining 40%, 15% of the time he finds someone before you and obtains their company and 23% of the time he seeks out Ashes or Brian specifically to request they fuck him.”

His cheeks felt hot.

“Why would I be Tim’s favourite? Literally everything that led to his life falling apart and him getting stuck here is my fault.”

If they hadn’t accidentally fallen in love with him Bertie and Tim would have been back in London after their first tour. Bertie wouldn’t have died if he hadn’t taken that bullet for Jonny. Tim would have gone home and been able to grieve for Bertie if Jonny hadn’t encouraged his revenge plan. Carmilla wouldn’t have touched him if Jonny hadn’t come back screaming his name.

There were several long moments of silence. Long enough that Jonny began to question if he’d said something wrong. Then, Ashes spoke.

“I sincerely doubt Tim sees it that way. Even if he does, you’re still important to him and it shows.”

He was definitely blushing now.

“Whatever. What’s the point of this conversation anyways?”

There was a pause before Raph answered.

“We’re trying to figure out an action plan to help Tim recover from his time in solitary. Your insight would help.”

“...okay.”

He wanted Tim to be okay. He could try to help make a plan to get him there.

In the end Ivy’s digital archives, and ability to access them from anywhere on the ship, made getting a plan together easier. Jonny’s assistance was less needed than Raph had made it out to be. They had already gotten most of a plan together by the time he woke. His contributions were more agreeing or disagreeing with Ashes and Raph’s assessments of the situation.

It was fairly simple. 

Make sure Tim wasn’t ever alone and try not to overwhelm him. 

Jonny was fairly certain even he couldn't fuck that up.

Of course it would be more complicated to put into practice, but they had a plan to make sure Tim ended up being okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virtual cookies for whoever catches the reason I screamed after writing chapter 8. I'd promise cat pictures but I'm not confident I could successfully offer them.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	12. A Petition (Mialma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mistress is quite frankly A Threat. ...There might be help to be had though. If Mialma can trust it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- mindfuckery  
> \- ill advised deals  
> \- vomiting  
> \- non-consensual body modification kind of  
> \- basically just a healthy dose of eldritch bullshit  
> \- dehumanization  
> \- mental/emotional abuse
> 
> I apologize for the eldritch bullshit text. A more legible transcript can be found in the end notes.

They did not know where he was. 

Whatever this place was, it was similar to the void of space.

It felt more akin to the Mistress’ chambers though. He did not like it.

They were quite certain that there was another...being? here.

Whatever it? they? 

They. 

Until he had confirmation it was fine they should not refer to something that may have consciousness as an it. They didn’t like being called it. He was fairly certain that there were some people who preferred it but he didn’t like it. So he shouldn’t call a being with possible consciousness it.

They...didn’t mind they. He wasn’t sure how much of that was...not connected to their still present lack of memories. Of. Of theirself? Their... 

...Their still reestablishing sense of identity.

He didn’t think they were only okay with they because of that though.

A sense of amusement washed over them.

It felt like it was...coming from them? It was not theirs though.

He was certain of that. They were not amused.

Somehow...the amusement was coming from him though.

_I̸̡̘͇̅̌n̴͍̺͈͒̕͝͝t̵̟̓ě̷͈͈͖r̷̢̮̈́̊͜ę̸̖̥̚ͅs̸̨̼͎̹̈̓̀t̵̨̙̾i̵̬͑n̷̨̧̛̹̤g̶̺̱̐.̴̧̪̩̭̔̾̐̎_

The thought was present in their mind. Despite not being his. They were certain it Was. Not. Theirs.

_Y̷̫̲͚̪͕̹̳͓͌̒ơ̷̛͉̯͈͙̪͇̑͗͋͌̐̓u̷̡͎̤̼͒́̾̿ ̵̘͓̯͗͛͑̚͠m̸̢̗̻̦͙͓̓̇́͠i̵̬̳̔͒͌̈̈̽ͅġ̸̢̻̳̘̚͝h̵͍̒̈́̄̿̚t̵̟̝̣͖͔̹͎͉͛̆ ̴̨̟̻͕̍b̷̛̹͎̈́̅̍̍̀ę̴̨̮̖͍̖̓ͅ ̷̢̡͉̘̯̱͔̦́͒̓͒̒̓̆͝a̴͔̜̮͒̉̽̑̈́͝ ̶̼̯͓̊̀ͅw̵̦̘̗͎͌̇̓́ͅȫ̷̥̠͒̕͝ͅr̸͎̜͇̠̭͚̭͌͗̃͘t̷̡͍̼͎͙͎͂̋̒̒̆h̶̦͖̹͕̟̲̎̒y̶̫͈͔͈͌́̉̽̂̍̚ͅ ̴̥̂c̷͇̘̩͋̉̀̈́̓̆h̷̡̠̺̩͎̳̯̉̌͜͠ȋ̸̲̠͕͎̙̙̺͝͝l̵̝̈͆̃̽̒͑̕͠d̴̡̗̪͓̅̌.̷̤̳̳̘̖͉̙̏̽͗͋̐̃_

Whatever it was he did not think they wanted it in their mind.

He did not know how to get rid of it though.

_P̸̼̫̤͎͇̾͊͘e̵̤̠̦̻̾͗͐͠r̵͒͋͝ͅh̷̲͉͊͝a̶̞̯͓̝̐p̶̯̍̈̋͌̑s̷̬̺̑͆̍̓ ̵̖̳̳͙̮̂̑̈̔͜͝ẉ̶̲͈̟̬̖̐̄ȩ̶̨͔̥̾̒͐͂̇ ̶̰̝͉̯̏̒̓͊̉w̷̮̼̮̎̐̄͝ͅî̴̻̯̯̃͗̑̈̇l̵̩̖̔̕l̴̘̪̥̓͛͒̓͝ ̵̫͉̣͒̆̍c̸̦̰̮̠͈̔̇̂̓͘o̵̭̣͐͗̓̾́͝ń̷̻̱̲s̷̪͈̈́̇̐̑͘i̷̟͛̐̈́̈́̕͝ḑ̷̰͚̼͔͋e̷̗̝͙̞̋̓̉̅r̷̩͔̬͌̾͌̋͗ͅ ̴̠͓̉̑͒h̶̝͕̍̾̈e̸͔̕l̴̻̜̮̖͗p̸̂̈͘͜ḯ̴̗͋ṇ̴͔̰͋͌͆̕͝ģ̷̬͖̺̜̞̿̒̒̎͂ ̸̜̻̐̇͒y̶̧̰̍̌̇ö̵̜̮̩͇́ư̷͔͍̞̪̤̌̂̀̚͜͝.̶̭̱̹̲́̇_

Helping him?

Who could this? these? people? beings? 

Whatever was thinking within his mind that was not him. How could...they...help?

Help them with what?

_I̵̢̧͓͐̎͌̕f̶͖̀̕ ̶͉̋̔̂̽y̸͓̝̫̍̈͜ǫ̴̂̂͋̂u̸̢̜̺͊ ̵̛̮͒͂͘͜c̵͉̃a̵̺̹̭̋̍ͅn̸̺͆̉͗ ̴̖͛͊͜r̶̡̝̱̜̊͛e̷͎̖̣̾̈́̄t̸̹̗̥͉̄́̎̍u̷̧̨̘̓͛͆r̷̛̞̈́̏͗n̶̛̙̯̔̆̃ ̸͔̺̓̉̑w̵̭̺͊̚ï̴̯̯ẗ̷̘́̃͌h̶͇͑̾ö̵̗͎̠̫ů̶̠̔ṱ̷͚̺̽̚ͅ ̴̹͍̫̲̍p̵̤̰̂͝͝͝ḛ̵̈̍̊r̵̢̖͎̈́̏͘ǐ̸̝͓̯̉̉̒s̴̰̩̥͒̕h̷̢̼̼͚͠ì̶͈̙̱͙̒͒̄ṇ̵̡̿̅̂g̶̞̬̤̬̓͋̆͝.̸̡͚̞̔͗̍̂.̵̫̺̭̓̆.̴͚̑́͠Î̷̙̳͖͍̍͛ ̷̏͜ẃ̶̧̡̲̰i̸̡l̷̮̜̂l̴̮̝̺̈́̎͜͝ ̶̛͉̪͍͉̆̓͐c̶͓̿̾̏̉o̶͚͂n̷͇̝̹̋͋s̶͔̰̈́͜͠i̴̭̺̪͑̒͜d̶̩̅͐e̶̹͈̻̙͊r̸̟̼̤͐̉͒̚ ̸͎̮̥̽ͅy̸̪̩̎̍o̴̩̎̃u̵͇̰̟͑r̵̢͖͇̦͑ ̸̮̆͋̋̏p̶̻̅͒̔͝e̵̢̦̘̤̍̉͝t̶̨̾͋̽͝ì̶̡̳̘̦t̶̳̥̋̊͋i̶̗̪͇͋̊ö̷̡̝̩̺̾n̸̙͍͖̻̽͒.̴̨̳͐_

What petition?

Return where?

Why would it be at risk of killing them?

He couldn’t die anymore. The Mistress had made sure of that.

A sense of laughter echoed around him.

 _Ȃ̴͉̠̖͉͚̩͌͒̂l̸̗̇ĺ̶̪̄̀ ̵̛̹̳̔͒̉̔t̴̖̬͂̑h̶̘̲̫̫͂̿̈́̄͝i̴͇̥͙͌͆͛̓͆̂n̵͇͙̰̓̑̾̾͝͠g̷͎̤̎̄̚s̷̼̞͎̊̏͠ ̴͚̮̯͚͚́̿͗͆̍ͅw̵̗̟̓̆̃͂̕ī̸͖̈͝l̷͎͎̻̉͛̎͊̿͝ͅļ̷̘̰̦̬̙͌̉͗ ̷̥͆̔̿͊̽e̴̡̦̫̬̥̰̾̅͒̎̚v̶̡̆̇̑̊̽ē̷̼̣̪͉͚͎͝n̸̳̎̀̾̈́͝t̶̮͌̈̚ū̵̬̘͈͍̀̓͘a̷̮̔͛̽͑̆l̶̟̩̥͂͌̿͘l̵̬͍̩͕͌̏y̸̻̜͎͐̒́͊͠͠ ̸̢̙̹̟͆̇̈́̚͝͝ͅç̵̲̤͌̓̿͝͠͝ò̸̢̡͈̮̉m̶͚̥̖̜̮͈̆̋͋̈́͠ệ̷͍̟͔̙́̈́͑ ̴̱͇͋̍̈́͐͜͝t̷͖̗͇͉̺͗̐ò̵̹͝ ̷̛̩́̈́̾ạ̶̓͠ṇ̷̨̹̲̝̓ ̶̢̲̗͙̣͆̀̏͊e̴̟̯̝̍n̷̦͓̓d̵̩̮̰͖̎͝ͅ,̶͓̥͔͗̉ ̴̮͐́͛̆l̵͎̦̦͇̒̎̕͜͠į̵̛̞̱̄̈́͊̈́͠ţ̶͎̞̖͋͛̇ͅt̶̰͚̰̤̠̺̃͂̈́̑́͂l̶͇̬̮̒́͑ę̷̆̂͊̆͝_ _̸̝͊̌̃̽͒͘m̴̤͇͖͑̿̏̈͋ö̷̥̰̖̺́r̵͔̊͒̆͋̏ͅẗ̷̛̫́͝ȁ̵̗͎̞̤ͅl̴͇͚̀̀̐ͅ.̷̫͇̮̥̖́͒̈́_

_̶̥̫͓̟̉͘ͅY̵̭̆̂̓̇o̵͎̊̈́u̷̜̘̓͆̌̕ ̷̢̲͍̪͈͂͆̉a̵̤̫̋͐́r̴̫̩̝̪̦̐̓ę̴̞̘͑͋̒̚ ̵̻̗̾̏n̸̝̻̮̽ǒ̵̼̣͔̤̤͘͝ţ̷̗̖̠̩̱̆ ̵̲͍̙̦̦̼̽̔͆ḿ̶̟̥͖͇̈́̄̊͐̄e̶͍̊̽̉͋̎̕a̵͉̬͙̹͙̬͋̀̾͊̅n̸̛̜̘̈́͂͋́ẗ̵͕͇ ̴̜͊̚t̸̼̉̌̀̉̌͠ͅȍ̸̳͈̣̦̩̠̃̈̕ ̸̩̟̗̜̱͕͑͋̍ḙ̵͝ͅx̵̟͎̦̜͖̬͌̏i̶̲̟͗͊̈́̕s̷͖̯̼͔̓̽͒͘͜͝t̴̐̐͐̑̔̇͜ ̷̢̢͕̝͖̦̎̾͂̎̎̏ī̵̧̢̼͇́͐͝n̴̨͖̜͚͑̅̀͒ͅ ̵̥̈́̇̈͑̅̍ẗ̶̝́̃ḩ̷̈́͋ḭ̷̑̈́ṡ̴̛͓͉̜̙ͅ ̶͖̖̩͛̆̇͝͝r̶̨̹͇͇̬͗̍͌͆̾ͅë̵̜͍̲̭́̎ã̴̢̢̻̺̑ḽ̵̦͇̋̿̓̓ḭ̸͈͋̆̆t̵̨̺͎̺͆̐̔̏̋̚ý̸̧̧̜͇̮̩̍̌̋͊̐.̵̢̹̮͕̞̟͘_

Was...was he not in the real world?

Had they somehow gone beyond, into the realms the Mistress roamed and petitioned to seek her power?

How could they have done so?

_Y̸̝̳̲̅͝ͅo̸̲̻͍̜̿ͅu̵̱̇͛̊ ̷̣̞͋͊̒̀͜ç̶̫̦̜̫̿͒̊̋̄o̴͉͔̯̳̰͠ǔ̶̬͊̎l̴̯̱̗̊̿̑̉d̸̘̙̦͚̭͑ ̵̠̯̤͔̞̔̔n̷͖̒̇ỏ̵͓͕͖̗̏ț̷͎̘̒̍ ̸̢͇̥̎͝h̸̜̗̮̼͔͂͊̒͐͐ä̷͎̳̘̤́̓ͅv̶̻̫̠͕̿è̶̻͉̲̉̇͊̚.̶̛̗̳̙̈́ ̸͖͍̈́N̸̢̻̪͗o̸̧̳̰̘͂̊t̴͖̋ ̷̘͈͇̎̉͗̆̍ơ̷̗̜̓̇n̵̺̘͉̘̑͑͆͜͝ ̴̢̝̜͊y̴̖͓̤̠̱͛̈́̽̔͋o̴͈͍͉̔̍̓ͅù̴͉̯̻r̴̖͝ ̶̺̙̬̅̎̏̏o̵͈̫̱̭͘ẉ̸̔͝n̵̛͎̺̦.̷̠͋̎̂͠͝_

_̴̣̪̠̜̺̐͆̏̊̏A̴̞̬̣̞n̸̗̩̦͎̄̑̇͑͠d̷͓̮̪̏ ̶̨̰͉͋y̷͙̱͑̂̈́͘̕e̸̦͍̥͇̞͛̒̆͂t̸̢̲̳̍͊.̶̹͚̋͌̿͐̕ ̸̹͖́͆̀̍̅H̵̛̞͇̻̬̆̆̐̕ḙ̷̡̢̱͛̂́ͅr̴͇̩̹̐̅̂̚e̵̢̻̖͕͓̿̅̾͘ ̴̮͂̓̕y̷͇͙̆̊̈o̷̫͍̼̣͆ṷ̵͆̐ ̴͇̩̪͘a̸̹̥̐́̕r̵̝̿͝͠e̶̥͓͂͐́͋.̶̢̝̻͈̥̀̽̔̃̒ ̶̧̻̃͜͜͝T̸̨̼̥͉̂̀̕͠h̸̝͍̯̖̐͆̚ͅa̶͚̋͠t̸̩̜̹̗̪͌̈́͒ ̵͖͉̠̓̊̈́͐î̴̐̎̀̋͜s̵̝͔̣̉̐ ̸̘̱̭͋̈́͒̽̀w̴̞͎͐h̴͍̮͚̼͐̈͌͝a̸̧͇̖͓t̵̤̥̼͚͜͝ ̴̨͖͌̄̎m̵̢͍͔̽͝͝ä̷̪͕̱͎́̓̊͛ḳ̴̡͂̃̅é̴̾ͅş̷̯̖̼̙͑̒ ̴͓͔̣y̸̥̹̗̲̍̒͝o̷͙͇̖͝ṷ̴̪̤́̂̕ ̵̟̰̼̱̅͊̔̌ï̵͚̻͉͙ͅn̶͖͓̪̣̥͝t̷̠̳̱̭̼͌͒̓e̵̬̣̮̣̍͐̌̎̕͜r̸̼̟̤̹̩̓͑͊̍e̴̥̙͔̬̮̋͠s̷̢͔̠̥͖̐͐͒t̸̺̳͚̪̔̀̈́̀i̷̭̪̘̝̺̓̚n̵̠̱͓̓̃̎̀g̸͚͚̊.̵͙͙̹̝̏̉_

What?

_Y̴̧̫̩̌͠o̵̟͍͚̙̔̅̈̎͊̔u̸̥̻̞̹̾̈́̂̒͜ͅ ̵̢̫̮̦̖͙͋ẇ̴͙̺̠̄í̵͙̩̳̯̈̃ḻ̵̌̉̍̇l̸̜̗͒̽̽͘͠͝ ̵̖̖̮̼͓̞͌̾̿̕͘ṉ̵̲̟͑̾̒ơ̷̢̮̤̝͆̄̒̎̏t̴̟̙̹͉̤̊͌͗ ̴̨̙̯̣̆̈́͂͠l̷̨̞͕̖̗̳̾̌a̴̡͈̘̩͋̆̍͗́š̸̱̮͍͔̀ṯ̷̡̡̄̅͐ ̵͕̥̬͈̻͈̔́l̴̡̪̺̘͚̬̃̋̃̅̒o̶̲̳̰͌̔͂̽͝ń̵̬͈͕͋͒ǵ̴̨̳̘̹̩͙͐̈́̈ ̷̮̼̘́h̵̢̧̙̭̗́̽̅͋̈́͠ê̷̦͕͑̎̒͝ṟ̷͙̆̋͝e̵̡͉̤̖̯̒͂.̷̭̤̞̣͕́̀͌̇̚ ̶̧͎̞̙̯͓̇͊͐͝W̷̛͍͈̰̓̇͑͂̂ë̵̟̬̜̭̻͔́̂̽̕͘̚ ̶̞͑͑̃ẃ̸̥̳̖͎̘̌͛͊͘i̴̜̫͗̓̓l̶̺̋̈́̚̚l̶̮̬̈́̈́̐ ̸͔͐s̵͓̓e̵̦͖̲͙̝̤̓̚ṅ̵̜̹̣͉̗͊͒͐͝ͅd̵̛̖̳̈͋͂̆͘ ̵̡͖̂̒y̶̞̖͈͙̘̰͌̍ǫ̸̲̹͌ŭ̷͓͙̃͋̾̒̊ ̸̘́͋̕̚h̴̲̙̬̮͉͙͑͗͛̄̕͝ò̴̥͉͝m̷̢̢̺̎͆̌̿͌ȇ̵̡̗̟͈̥̫ ̸̻͍̩̏͋͐̅͝a̷̹͖̰̅ͅn̴̢̮͗͘͜d̴͖̒̔̄ ̶̢͉͇̜̬͙̚w̴̫͔̩̟̿ȅ̴̫̝̑͝ ̴͈͙̆͒́͆͊s̸͉̳̽̇̍́̕ḩ̵̧̟͔͇̥̒a̴̛̰̥̯͕̺͌̇̒l̶̨̧̞̼̼̅l̸̮̮͈͇̱̲̆͘ ̸̦͉̣̭̰̍̃͠s̷̟̝̬̉̀̂e̸̫̽̅͝e̶̥̞͈̲͘ ̷͙̜͆̎̄̑̌̍i̷̛̲̪f̴̠̐ ̶̛͙͖̋̆̋̊y̵͓͈̘̱̓ȍ̶̩̣͕͌͠͝u̴͎͎̺͇̳͆̈̋͂ ̴̥̹̟͠p̴̧̤͙̔͝r̷̺̓o̴͈̓̌̐̍͒͝v̶̢̨̧͎̩̘͑̃̑e̵͉͝ ̷̛̪̝̭̻͐̓̓w̶̤̾̿̓ō̸̞̜̠̭͎r̷̩͇̫̝͍̋t̸͍̻͉̱̦͖̕ĥ̸͈̟̭̮̱̗̿̌y̷̢̱̩̠̣̳̏́͠ ̸͓̗̖̑̽̓͜o̸̔̀̊ͅḟ̶̼̟̄̅͘ ̵̧̥̽̆̀̏̋͘a̵̝̘̒̆̊͑͘s̷͕̜͙̒̌͂̽͌c̴͖̗͚̔͜ͅȇ̵̡̗̻̯̝͒ͅṇ̷̒̚ͅs̷͓͆̎̓̎͠i̶̼̳̟̬̭̾͌͝o̴̺͈̗̾͌͑̚n̸̠̮̔͒̏.̴̼̱̻͎͂̓͜ͅ_

Pain burst into being everywhere and everywhen.

There was no end to it.

There had never been a beginning.

The world was bright and dark, there and not.

He both was and was not, had always been and never been, would always be and would never be.

They knew nothing.

L̴̩͚̟̱͑̆o̷̻͕͑̾͊͆͝r̸̠̈́͝e̴̢̙̼͎̐̂m̸͇͎͙̂̍̉ ̴̫͍̙̲̹͐̋̋̅͝į̴̧̬̦̖͋͂̇͝ṗ̷͓͈s̸̖͇͔̺̽̕ȕ̷̙͜m̸̧̃̒̔̚͝ ̷̤̬̌̾͘̚͠d̶̢͌͋̓͂ô̸͈̺̬l̸͜͝ơ̷̤̼̮̝͚̿́r̴̜͚̎̓͘ͅ ̴̳͙̖͂ș̵̬̦͕̮̂̾i̶̺̬̦͉̇̅̍t̷͖͖͜ ̴͍̙͕̋̔̂à̷̛̟͇͇͗͐͝m̵̘̄e̴̫̘̮̩̦͌̓͑̄͝t̶̛͉̩̩̦̃̚,̷̢̳̈́̄̚ ̵̺͓̯͉̪͗́̌̑c̶̦̦̾o̵̻̺̓͆͋̊n̵̡̛̗̐͐s̷̜̰̩̪͂́̂̕e̴̮͍̥̰͚͋̆c̵̙̭̺͇̒̈́̄̅̽t̶̨̛̩̪̱̀̔͐̊ȩ̵̨̲͕̪̈͌t̷͉̓͛͊̂ų̶̻̖̌̇͌̋r̸̙̺͠ ̶̢̘̩̦̟̓͂̆͋̇ą̵̨̈́̆͌d̵̖̳̣͙͊͗̌̕i̶͖̦͖͋̓̀̓p̸̼̗̳̿͐i̵̳̟̻͙̅͜s̴̫̪͓͍̯̊̋c̴̨͎̐̓̿͛́͜i̷̺͗̉ń̴̪͛g̴͋͒̾ͅ ̶̰͒͌̅͊ě̸̺̍̽͝l̸̦͇̹͉͌ͅi̷̯͚̤̖͙͑̍̃̿ț̷͖̘̲̐.̸̛͙̳͚ ̸̤̱̃͆̀͝Ā̴̖͔̘̕͝e̸̝͝n̶̢͎̟͕͊̌ę̸̯͉͖̃̔a̶̰͚̯͘n̵̻͓̋͌̌̊͝ ̶̢̛̬̪̒̾͠ä̴̜̟̾͠l̸̹̪̩̩̏̽̒ǐ̴̜̘̞͓̄ͅq̸̞͂̐͝ǔ̶̬̈́a̶͈͔̥̋̂̍͘͘m̸̻̗̭̓ͅ ̶͉͈̈́̆͜f̷͎͔̓ë̵̢͎̜̓͝l̶̨̛̼̫̮͉i̸̛͙͚̘͊̇̑̈́s̸̝͉̼̹̓͑ ̴̦̲͗͗̈́͑͊v̴̯̓̑̃̕͜ḯ̵̲̈́̈́t̸̢͙̏̒̎̊ͅa̴̤̹̰͖̔͑ē̴̩̇͆̏ ̴̟͍̠̩̂q̴̢̧͚͓̮͒́̂̈́͗ṳ̷̢̟̿̆̈́̄̈́ã̶̖̲̦̠͒̑̕m̴̮͇͗̋́͝ ̵̢͙̤̬̉̇e̵̠̞͎̪͝ͅư̵̹͔͌͛i̷̱͔̋̂̏̇̋s̴͇̤͕̝̮̔͠m̵̟̱̜̈̀o̸͚͋ḓ̷̱̆͗̎͊ ̴̝͔͎̽͒͘̚ẗ̸̨̻̳̑̆́͂i̴̡̨̠̩̒͂͠ṇ̴̻̖̘̂̆͝ͅč̴̘̅̄î̸̧̛̝͝͝ͅḓ̷̮̲͗̓̅̎͐ṷ̴͒̊ņ̶̜̖̱̂͐̍͜t̵̯̫̮̩̦̚.̶͔̤̯̾͑ ̷̼͂̏A̴̟̠͌̾ḛ̷̡̥͇̇͋n̸̛̗̜̝̔ȇ̴̙͍̬̹̺å̵͈͋͌̑n̵̬̈́̑͛̚ ̸̨̪̖͍̟̒̌̽ṣ̵̜̳̈́̈͋ḙ̷̪̭̝͐́m̵͓̽p̸̢̰͉͋̈́̎̔e̶̖̬̜̭̾̎ͅŗ̷̢̭͇͗̚ ̵̯̑͐u̶̙̎͂͗͠r̶̢̰̭͂̐͜n̸͉̏͗̐ã̴̙̼̀͠ ̴̼̝͆̔̄͝m̴̛̩͖̾̀̕ĭ̵̭͍̽,̵̛͖̐͆͛̏ ̵́ͅu̸͙͒͒͆̆͠t̸̢̥̲̬̱̄̏̍͛ ̷̞̞̪̼̙̒̐̀͠m̶͙̪̦̹̂̌̿̕a̷̛͓̣̫͗̀̓t̵̲͕̻̮̓t̷̡͖̹̝̫͆͋͑͐̕i̴̲̺̽̏̅s̸̫̟̟̈́͌̍͆ ̵̥̲́̈́͜ͅn̷̳̯͕͓̜̕ų̵̭̩̅̃̽̿n̴̙̯̿̒͐̍͋c̴̲̘͊ ̴̡̗̰̺̚p̵̝͔͕̍e̷̺͋̽̄͋l̵̯̀͌̾l̵̗͋͠ë̶̯̰͎̪́͘ͅn̴̝̝̣̈́t̴̮̲͂̐̋̎e̷̱̭͌̎̊̕s̷͖̮̗͐͜q̸͙̐͗u̸͇̝͔̦̹̿̑͛e̶̡͈͓̯̍̃́̆ ̴̞̗̙͔͆͆̒͐̉v̶̨̲̙̞̭̓͘ẻ̶̢͔ļ̸̏͋̉͋̉.̶̠̳̀̎ ̵̯͓̥̘͑̒̊͌P̶̘͆̃̇͠h̴̖̭̿̒̏ḁ̴̣̣̙̤̈́͗ṣ̸̣̪̻̽e̷̟̮̱̥̔̆l̷̮͒͑̉ľ̸̤͍͑͜͝͝ṷ̶͓͖̓̋̊s̴̛̼͔̲̯̋͋̚͜͠ ̴̢͉͓̖̮̍̇̑m̷̨̻̎̋o̴̡̺̹͓̙͊́̏̚͝l̴̨̞̼̮̣̓͋̒ę̴͆̍s̷̝͉̱̅̌̀t̵̩͇͕̰̮̉̀ì̴̛̺̗̘̻̩͆͆̌e̴̢̠̝̺͠ ̴̠̹̖͉̦͐̉̾͠l̷̖͔͔̳͊̂̇̂e̵͓̫̥̫̙̓c̵͍͗̐̂͠ṱ̴̮̟̣̮̈́̐u̵͍͖̒͠ͅs̸̢̛̀̕ ̴̞̾̍͘e̵̡͇͖͕̠̎t̶̝̀̕ ̶̗̗̥͙͔̍͂͝ę̵̠̾̄̽͗͝r̷͓̓̕o̸͇̟͈̯͔͘s̴̹̄̓̈́̈́̇ ̶̨̞̳̮̯͒̕l̸͙̺̎͌ȕ̶̟̖̭̆̅̓c̸͉̪̘͗̊̅͘͠ț̴̌͘ù̴̡̺͙̬̘͊s̶͉̭̙̊͜,̷̻͍͇̦̎͌̐͗͠ ̶̹̖͎̊̊͋͌̚v̴̧̻͉̊͒͌ͅĩ̴͙͐̉t̴̢̪̭̯̹͊å̴̡͚͕̒ͅe̷̩̭͆̐ ̵͍̮͉̪̃̿̈́͝͝p̶̧̖͉̃̚͜u̷̠̭̩̤̬̇̏̈́͂̓ľ̴̺̝͎̝̅̏͘v̸̳͎̬̟͗ï̶̛̘͖̫n̸̻̩̫͍͖͌ḁ̴̘̤̪͖̃͌̅̕r̷̢̩͋̊͝ ̵̪͓̗̍͂̈̆͝ͅͅd̶̝͔̪̓͜ì̷̤̲͉̮̅̋̓͒a̷̢͉̗̲̤͗͗m̸̢̙̬͎̥̾̔͑͂ ̴̮̣̹̂̈̏̔l̶̜̭̫͗̈̓̕ö̵͎̗̖̙̺́̑b̸͚͎͕́̈́́̌o̴͙̮̿r̸̡̖̭̦͌̈̅̔͝t̵̢͎͎͗i̴̧̼͋̈̔ͅs̵͇̏̾̈́̓.̶͇̘̹̂̋͠ ̵̯̳͍̞́ͅI̴̪͍͚͕̮͒n̴̦̩̤͈̥̋̊ ̵̨͐f̴͚͉̓ȃ̴̡̛̭̰͓͜͝c̸͓̹̼̠̾ͅì̸̟̫̩̕l̷̢͇̥̲̋͘͝i̵̬̦͐͂̎̌͜s̶̻̯͐ị̴̢̳̑͊s̷̗̼̋͗̓ ̷͇͎͚̊̎́̓̚a̸̦̋̍͊̓͘t̴̘͈̆̆̎̋͜ ̵̬͖̖̉̓ͅư̷̡̓̔̆r̷̛̥̺n̸͇̟͋̀̂̿͑a̴̡̘͔̓̀̅͘ ̶̨̫͓̦̆͛͂v̶͎̏͘͘ō̸̬̼͓̪̍͊͘͝l̷͍̭̼̯͚̓́̓͒͗u̸̖̪͙͝t̷̹̹̃̓͜p̴̛̩͊̕a̷̟̫̱̿̿t̶͓̮̳̋ ̵̪̅v̷̘̙̐ủ̸͕̝̖̠́l̵͕͆͒̕ͅp̷̦̼̑u̸͉̤̲̳͙͒͝t̸̳̩̞͋a̵͇̹̙̐̐̚͠t̸͓͓͇̓̽̔͝e̴̢̠̹̜̰̋̑̈́̂.̸͖̫̻̔͛̏͠ ̴̢̯̐͌C̶̹͔͌́͜r̷̘͇̳̠̩̐̈́̑͠á̵̧͇̱̌͒s̶̙͓̥͖͒ ̴̹̺̹̝͎͂̏͋̈́í̵̜̣͔̻͍̈͋m̷̡̖̩̀p̴̨̩̽e̶̠̮̼̻͓͌r̸̛͎͔̦͙̙d̵̮̳̩̜̭̈́̃̆ĩ̸͇̞̰͛ȩ̶̮̖̏̓̒͒̃͜ṫ̵̖̔̃̆̒ ̷̭̙̟̙͙̅͗n̶̡͇͒̆͠i̶̢̥̊͒͊̊̃s̷͉̦̩̖̈́̃̈́̿̇i̵̧̤̹͌̆͘͝ ̵̩̪̬̽̂̐n̵͉̙͉͋̾̐ȅ̸̟̉c̶̨̼͇̈͒ ̴̮̻̪͂̚m̶̠̦͋̒͋́ͅi̷̝̻͆͋̎̋͠ ̶̨̛̫̫̬̞̅̒̕m̸͙̊͗̇̈́a̵̫͘̕l̴̡̩͉̿̃͗̕ë̸̘̱́͋͝s̸͇͔̽͘u̶̙̘̾̋̓a̶͕̲̭̗̝̾ḓ̷̪̏̅a̶̡͙̺͍̼͆̆̍ ̸̻͇͋p̷̢̛͇̫͒l̶̡̟̯̼̂ͅą̸̮̬̹̫̎͋͌̑c̶͍̬̪̥̹̓e̷̝͈͈͔̓̋̆ͅr̴̢̢͎͎̠̍́̈͘a̸̢̩͙̫͂ẗ̵̢̥͇̙́̈́.̴͎̲̘̝ͅ ̷̨̑̋̚͠S̶͎̠̃̓̌̍̂ű̶͔̤s̸̢̼̾p̴̳̱͚͇̉̄ę̴̘̻̭̅̈́̓̓ņ̴̬̻̀̇̎̈d̸̮̭͒̽͒̇͘i̴̡̥͎̗̟̅s̵̗̣͐̈́s̸̒̇͝ͅe̴̱̱̦͓͙̔̾̈́͝ ̵͙̒͊̍e̷̠͂̾̆ĺ̴͉̦͕̩̍͋e̸̬͛̏̒í̵̫͎ͅf̸̖̽̏̇͝ȩ̶̝͂n̴̤̙̤̩͛̋d̵̡̲̩̞̱̉͋̓͂ ̵̛̼͆̅̉͝p̷͙̟̐̑̂̚h̴̥͔̞̘̓͛̚͠a̶̧͍̙͎̯͊̓r̷̟̍̿̈e̵̪̞͂̎̒͗t̴͓̆ŕ̷̦̙̳̥̫̀͝a̶͇͛ ̴̘̳̮̱̬̑̊͌̕v̸̮͐͆͠ȅ̸̤̙̗ͅṉ̶̼͑́e̴̱̫͖͂̆̈́̋ṉ̴̛̰̬̥̬̌̆́å̷̡̢̪͉̞͗t̷̟͖͓͈̾̏̈́͛i̶̥͐̌̆̕̕͜s̵͓̚.̷̪̻͑͂̒ ̸̫̼̣̩͓̓͑̾͐S̵̙̞̖͎̖̔̂̌̅̕u̵̧̠̫̠s̷̢̻̞͔͊͘p̶̡̲̻̞̒ë̶̜́͑̈́ñ̶̨̦̪̰̪̒̐͝d̵̦̔̈́̉͜͠i̴̞͐̎̈́s̸̖̃̎s̵̢͔͚̄͒͒e̴̬͊͜ ̸̠͕̫̹̆̉̚͠d̵͕͋̆͗i̴̢̫̫̝̎̉c̵̢͔̀͋͒͘ṭ̵͔̳̒͊̕̚ů̷̪͝͠m̶̨̙͉̮̓͑̈ ̸̼̉͊̉͜q̴̩̊̅͆ü̴̧̮̽͛į̴̪̙̠͊̍s̷̘̍͂̋ ̷̰̭͝ȩ̵͉̫̩͕̔͠n̵̟̤̦̺͖̓̏̓͋i̵̋̓͘̚͘ͅṁ̸͍͉̝̈́ͅ ̷̧̨̭͈̖̒͂͝i̴͎͉̙̬͛͗̈͜ņ̵͑̑̎͌̕ͅ ̴̨͚̀̓͝t̴͎̬̅e̷͓͔̠̪͚̊͒̐̀̚m̸̡̧̗͑̓̾́p̶̤̣̣͓͝ṷ̶͓̬̫͛̎͜s̸̡͕͖̻͆̿.̴̧̗̮͒͑̿ ̵̧͒͒̇̊S̴̖̖̐̉̾͗̂ẻ̷̛̦̠̞̖̳̑d̸̢̤̤̐̌̒̚̕͜ ̷̫̽̄̍v̴͔̹͎̆̕e̶̛̦̳̬̯ļ̸̨̠͗ ̶͙̜̾̓͊t̵̤̄e̴͍̟͉͊̈́͘ͅl̴͉̾̉l̷̪̏͜ṷ̵̢̞̠̻̎͒s̵̛̛͕͈̟̹͋̓͠ ̶̧̻̮͚̦̋̈́e̷̢͈̬̤͋͐̇̋̔t̴̞̹̩͗̾ ̵̞̜̺̹̑̉͐͆a̴̧̡̛̮͐̇͝ȑ̶̛͉̭̥̰̹c̴̠̲͎̲̥̒u̸̢̢̝̼͑ ̵̡͔̔̏a̴̹̬̣̎̃͑c̷̮̖̮̉͑̚c̸̙̈́ȗ̶̩͌̋̃̒ṃ̴̣̼̰̮̌̈́s̷̛̟̖̺͎͈̽͊̈́̏ą̵̗̖̼̤̑͘ṅ̸̟̩͈̦̅͂͝ ̶̲͎̩̠͋e̷̛̹̐̎̏l̷̟͑͗ͅe̷̝͓̹̞͑͐i̸̡̝͔̤̰̋̍͌͗͝f̶̞̹̼̈ė̷̡̠̺͍̏̇͒̽n̶̨̰̯̘͖̏̚ď̷̫̟̱̱͔͆͘ ̶͇͇͔̱̒̏̈͝e̶͔̊͋͛ų̷̧̬͕͒̆͒ ̵̠̞̺͖̦̔͒͝e̵̡̹͈͔̪̅̚ğ̶̛̱̩̺̏̚e̷͔͒̇̀͝͝t̸̖̰̭̠̟͊̈́̚͠͝ ̸̻͘n̴̪̲͚͇̈́̊̊͛̅ǐ̸͍b̷̯͎̈̾̂̓̒ḩ̶̡̥̯͑͒͝.̸̲̩̓̈ ̵̰͂͛̅͠Ḛ̷̹͇͂̂̐t̷͈͙̾̋͒̑̽i̸̪̥̰̜̘͐͛̈̈̚a̴̳̞̞͒͗͜m̸̧͖͘ ̷̧̢̤̪̩̎̀̌̀̂r̴̜̞̯̃̋͘͝h̵̢̛̪͐o̷̧̤̿̚ǹ̵̢̮̱̈́̃̎͠c̵̜̥̩̓̇û̶̙̼̯̰s̶̤̔͋̎ ̷̦̔͗̓v̴̧͓͉̝̒͊̎͝ǘ̷̢̬̫̼̽̆̃l̵̡͋̂͂͘͠p̵̣̟̫̟̌̉̓̑u̸̧̦͙̤͓͌͑̈́͑͝t̸̳̦̐̑̍͆ả̶̭̱͖̥̎͑̋ẗ̷̩̤̗̼́̄͘e̴͇̤̲̫͘ ̸̮̘̠̗̙͂̑ḽ̷̼̖̃̒͛i̵̙͠g̴͚̾̕u̷̟̠̅l̸̘̇ȁ̶̫͈̣͂̈́ ̴̪̰̥͒̿a̵̞̣̬̼̐̎̍͗͜͝t̴̨̤͇́̒̀͘̚ ̵̯̼̽̕p̶̯̀̋͊ę̸̧̪̈́̈̈́̕l̷͇͇̿̂̓͂̆l̴͈̹̋̾̈́͘e̸͕̗̹̺̾̎n̷̛͚̗͕̘̽̕t̸̗̻̟̬̙̒͆̏̈́̎e̵̺̝̍s̷͖͚̥̓̉͘q̴̬̔͗́u̴̟͑̊e̶̪̘̝̘͌̆͝.̷̝̹͌̓͌̉ ̵̙̋̈V̸̘̣̙̓͋̚ị̷̣̻̃͌v̴̲͍̈̃͒a̷̳̘̬̜̓̓m̴͙͊̕ͅủ̶̩̘̼̘̉͂s̷̝̟̦̲̫̏̈́ ̴̧͈̭͜͝i̸̲̲̎͊͜m̶̟̃̓͝͠ṕ̷͓̘̱͘e̸̟̎r̶̡͍̩͎̿̆͌̽͒d̴͇͇̳̹͜͠ị̵̧̯̞̩̓̇̄̐͠e̶̯͎͋͑ţ̷̭̰͍̥̋̄́̿ ̵̨͉̻̭̗͑͗̎m̸̮̺̓͜͝a̸͖͚̹̥̦̅̂͋̇͠ǘ̵̟̰̾̄̈́ȑ̷̪̼͊͝ḯ̷̯̣̃̇̏͠s̸̫̅̌̅͂̊ͅ ̸̪̦̹̱̐̎͂e̴̢̻̎͘͝r̴̛̰͊o̷̢͉̲͕͗͜s̴̡̟̟͛͆̈́̇ͅ,̸̧̪̺̬̥̔́͠ ̵̫̋͘ĩ̷̪̫̩̪͒̊̕͝d̸͚͙̫͖͔͑̀͝ ̶̧͔̳̥̐ç̷͚͓̳͂̀u̸̢̼̘̹̗͌̂͘̕r̵̝͚̮̜̆͊͘s̶̥͆̓͜͝u̶̘̪̙̜̔̍s̸̟̝͉͖̈́̆̓̿ ̵̦̝̥͍̍̔̇e̷̛̼̳̎̀̊̌r̸̨̛̟̀̚͘ͅa̴̖̘̟͆̾͝ţ̴̬̣͓͗ ̶̹̔r̷̛͚̪̚ͅu̶̗͉͐̀̕t̸̢͍̊r̸̤̐̽͂͐u̷̹̅̈́̈́͗͝m̷͇̑ ̴̳͉̲̠͆̓̚ͅȗ̶͚͗̽̽͋t̵̢̪̒͒̔͒̍.̴̨̱̞̄

̵̡̫̝͚̏̄̈́͜͠Į̶̫͛̇̌̚͘n̸͓̳̲͔̑̎̅̔ ̶̼̭l̷̻͊̑͘͘ụ̸͕̇̅͂̕ͅc̴̳̼̀t̶̟͠ȕ̴͍̩̒͒̓͘ͅs̵̢̧̖̼̃̈́̄̓,̶̙͛ ̴̧̱͒̾͝ȉ̷̧̺̭̗̣͝p̸̧͕̯͔̑͐̉͂s̸̞̬͍̊͌͛̾u̷̧̢͚̙̰̓m̵̲͓̍͛͒̏͜ ̵̰̤̺͙̣̒ȩ̴̀u̴̳̿̎̕̕ ̵̛̬̳̄͘v̷̞͑ã̴͚̞͐ŗ̷̨̪̬̓̆̔͘i̴͍̔̀̊̓̂ȗ̸͈̙͜s̸̨͖͋̄̄͝͠ ̵̙̐f̸̰͙͓̜̩͊e̷̮̫͔͗͊̓r̵̮̃̾̊̄͝m̵̡͙̞̝͚̏͛̇̚͠e̷̯̼̾̄n̵̞̼̞̞̩͌̋ť̸̞̈́̉̊̕u̶͉̯͋̋͂m̶̳̳͚͇̫̋̑̍͋̒,̴̻͚̚͠ͅ ̴̜̓̊͜ņ̵̞̤̜̐̚u̶̢̨̜͕̐̑͜n̸̢͖̦̣̽c̴̪͉̺̜͑̔ ̵̪̦̈̿̃̈a̶̧̤̲̞̐̌̔̋̚n̷̛͕̘͐̓ẗ̸͔͓̯̈́̊͛͜e̵͔̯̱͕̩͊̾ ̸̨̜̊p̸̨̖̱̮͗l̶͉͔̓͛̈́͜a̵̟͔̔͛̐͗͛ͅč̴̝̠͙̞̂̚ḙ̷̫̮͕̀̚r̵̛͚̉̽a̴̺̼̼̐̆̓ț̴̹̓ ̷͎̥͎̤̔͜d̷͈̫̥͌̂̐̄ǔ̶̡̹̻̜i̷͊͛̑̏͜,̴̼̳̈́̅̅ ̴̡̼͓͋v̴̗̫̝̥̾͐̇̋͜͠ĕ̷̡̧̜̠͈͑͌̈́͝l̸͙̮̮̘͒͌̇͛͘ ̵̘͙̙͕̅̉͐p̴̩̳͍͖͋̀̏̊͜͝ö̷̮̼̝̉͜ŗ̸̣̝̟̭͝t̴̯̥͐́̉t̶̻̜̓̎̅i̵̤̮̞͛̈́́t̷̔͆͂̒ͅo̶̤̠̳͍͎̾̑͊̂r̷̛͕͍͈̦͔̉̓̌͋ ̵̖͔̖̻̻̐̿͂l̸̛̘̙̫̻͒̀͒͘ę̵̛̥̟̺͇̎̉̓ö̸̘̰̉ ̸̢͖̐̇͊͐a̸͖̪̲̣̍n̸͕͗̈́͋̚t̸͎̰̘͎͒̄e̸̬͌̽͑̓͜ ̶̻͎̱̩̀͋̍̐ē̷͈̬͇̎g̸̨̃͒̋ḙ̵͂͌͐̄ṫ̸̡̺̹͚́͛̔ͅ ̸̨͚̗̱̝̌̂n̵̨̯̻̞̐̀ų̸̬̬́̈́͛n̴̫͍̯̮͙̽c̵̡̩̰̱̿.̵̮͕̘̂̈́ ̴̯̫̱̾̅C̵̰͋̐͛r̶͇̦̍̓̈́̿͛a̷̦̝͑s̸̩͛̆̔ ̸͖̣̱̮̗́̓ē̸̖͍̹̣̝r̶̩̰̜̺̞̄ä̵̟̫̫́͊ͅt̷͕̤͈͇̾͒̾̌̄ ̵̟͂n̸̮̆̋̅̈͝u̶̬͓̱͓̚l̶̛̤̅̾̌̐l̸̘͇͉̗̗̈̃̕ă̵͇̩̤͉͍̑,̵͖̠̭͚̄͘̚ ̸̘̗̻͍͗̔̕̚c̷̣͕̺̏̍̄͜͝o̴̞̫̾͐͊ͅn̵̥̞͐̔̄̈́͝v̵̨̢̨̞ā̶̛̘̟̲̩l̵̡̜̬͆̂̄l̷̡̻͙̂i̴̱̖͕̳̋̆͛͌̈s̶͓͓͈͊ ̴̞̞̉̀͘͝ȋ̸̳̳̜̕d̶͙̼̜̆̓ ̷̘͚̦̎͊r̷̺͜͝u̴̺̻̺͖͋ţ̵̡̛̙̘͋͗̏͋ṟ̶̢̛̼͉̥͊u̴̱͆m̷̧̐̂̍͒ ̶̼̖̉̌n̵͍̳͉̰͐͑̎̒e̷̤̥̤̋̒͒͝ͅċ̷̨̦,̴͕̇̚͜ ̷͎͈͛s̷̖̰͗ë̵̜́̎̎͝m̴̨̮͚̑̍͗p̵̝͕̮̪̆̾e̶̟͍͈̞͛͋r̶̢̞͔̿̈́ ̸̛̩̊̔͝ȗ̴̱t̷̥͓̞̬͛̄ ̶̤̫̩̘͒̅̔ͅn̴̨̪̗͙̈͐ȅ̵̖̫̂q̵̢͖̓̓̅͛̏ü̶̢̻e̶̲̝̖̱͗̎͂.̷̗̒͊̉̈ ̵̡̈́͑̐͘S̵̳̥̮̫̏͆͑͆ȅ̷̥̭̃̑ḑ̵͎͝ ̸̢̲̗̏n̸͖̺̣͍̚o̶̧̢̠̣̿́̅n̷̮͓̗͊̆̉̈́̚ ̵̧̥̘̳͌͂̓̃û̶͍̦͍͍̲͒l̴̞̻͈̇t̵̟̹́͑̎͋r̷̺̯̈̅͊̉ḯ̶̙̣͋͆č̶̣̝ė̵̛͎̲̙̭̠́̓s̸̙͓͙̆̄ ̴̧̮̱̍̃͑̂ä̶̢̧͈̖̓̾͂͌ṷ̵̂̈͑͘͝g̵̻̟͠u̶̬̯͕͋̋͆̔ͅe̶̡̙̠̙̿̋̒,̴̡̥͘ ̴̯̈̐ṵ̶̣͚̅͜͝ṫ̵̲̪͗̈́ ̷̧̉̈́t̸̞͍̍̃̑͠ě̸͔̥͜͝͝ḿ̸͙͜p̸̩͓͐o̶̧̲̮̦̱̍̍͌r̸͕̝̻̰̝̈ ̶̨̫͔͚́n̸̦̱̫͆̑i̶̼̘̓̏͜s̸̰̎͝l̴͇̹̞̲̗̽.̸̺̮̲̹̀̋ ̸̖̘͕͝D̵̟̮̅ü̶̢ȋ̷̧̹̹̣̏̈́̌͝s̴̬̮̬̲̏̉̓̇͝ ̵̠̏̿q̷̲̒͐̈́̉͒u̸͙͆͜i̸̩̯͓̙̟̔̈́̏s̶̜̬͚͇̑͋̄̈ ̶̧̝̣̺̭͗̿͝ṛ̷͍̞͐̊͑͘ï̵̬̘̼̮̮̍͆̈͝s̴̯̝̔̅͂͘͠u̶͔̣̭̽͋s̷̼̘͈̆͂͂̽ ̵̠̀͐͑̈́v̸͉̄͊į̵̛͔̺̔̉͆͘t̶̻͛͆a̶̗͈͌e̸̬͚̮͙̟̎ ̷̨̲͍̪̄̾̋e̴̝̪̓̒̃͘x̷̫̍̓ ̵̳͔̮̞̤́̇̓č̶̡̫̗̔̾͗ȕ̷̻͘ͅr̵͍͍̤̪̾̀̊͝ṡ̴̢̞͎͙u̵͓̬͌̾̊̕͠ͅṩ̴̈́͌̎͝ ̶̳̼̞̬́f̴̖̱̈́̈́̈́a̸͖͇c̷̛͈̝͐͗̋̄i̷͔͙̅̈́͑͒̏l̸̜̝̗̻̏̎̋ĭ̷̟̇͒̍s̴̢̮͑i̵̫̓ͅş̴̩̌̐̕͘͘ ̵̲͇͙͎̓̓͜ȇ̵̳̔t̴̢̥̋ ̸͕͈̦̈́̓̐͝v̶̳̫̤̤͑̅e̶͇̘̝̋̆̚l̸͍̘̐̌͆ ̵̥̼̪̩̅͛͠j̸̞͂ȗ̵̞̟s̶̖̱͒͑̋t̸̨͉̣͖̹̃͒o̴̧̖͉̪̖͌͝.̵͈̥̟͇̳̐̆́ ̴̡̜̳̈́̽̈́̚P̷͍̟̠̼̆ͅr̸̬͔̽a̷̛̙͚̖̣͊̏̽͌e̴͈͍̔s̵̨̞͙͙̙̈́̌ḛ̷̢̨̊n̵̦̆͊ṭ̷̥̀͝ ̴̹͐̐̚m̷͚̬͙͘͜͠ǫ̵̡͖̹̂̑́l̴̖̱̝̹̀̅͜͝e̶͉̗̱̯̭̽s̴̡̗͓̲̬͠t̴̪̋͌̇͆i̵̜̳͐̓̚ĕ̶̙̾ ̴̳̣͍͈͋ͅd̵̰̗͆̂̽i̷͓̦̟̳̿͌͋̉c̷̟̃̄̒t̴̛̺̑̂ȗ̸̪̈́̌̿̅m̶̢͎͕͗̊̃̾ ̸̨͍͙̥͚̐͌̉̋͋f̴̹̙͒͝e̷̖͇̬̹̖͊̍r̶̪͙͛̅͂m̸̭͙̍͑ě̸̡̺̱̳͎n̶̢̗̩͑̓t̴̡̰̤̲́͒̚ü̴̞̐͌͘m̶͈̮͔̖̑̆̉̎͝ͅ.̶̫̜̠̍̔ͅ ̷̢̗̠̩͋̾̔Ę̶̦͔̟̳̄̎̓͊t̵̹͙̠̽i̷̡̟̻̖ȃ̶͙̗́̍̃̎m̵̩̭͚̺̣͐̎͌͛ ̵̥͚̃͌͗͘ų̵̲̔̏̉̂t̴̥̬̺̋ ̴̪̹̪̠̃͊͆̎͜l̶̥̯̥̪̇͊ë̵͖͕́̍̕͠c̴̣̲̺͉͔͋́t̶͖̉̈́u̸̲̎̓͗͝s̸̢̨̯̙͔͑̈́͗ ̶͉̔c̵͖̹̕ȗ̴̧̳̳͑͊ͅr̵̳͎̤̈́̽̑̕ṣ̵̞͘u̷̬̝̲̱̳͒s̶̫̯̋̾͛͝,̴̦̗̮̻͔͝ ̷̙̟̔͛͛̃͗ẗ̴̻͍̪͌͒̃ḯ̴̭̟̤̮̲ņ̶̞͙͔̮̓̈́̆̕̕c̶̞̱̍ḭ̶͓̪͓̰͂͐̎d̶̫̟̿̿͊͗u̷͛̐͋̕͜͠n̴͉͓̼̋̓̕ẗ̶̝́̈̈́ ̷͈̜̘̌͝j̶̨͙̰͍́̓͂̚͠ű̵̩̺̟͕̉̌s̴̗͂̋̈́̈́͠ṫ̶̼ǫ̴̩̩̐͆̐ͅ ̷͍̮̭̫̲̎̈́̍v̵̥̝͗̅e̷̯̪̿̔̓̆͛l̵̹̤̪̟̬̈́̌̔̚,̴̪̯̓̽̾ ̵͙̦̟̺͒́a̵͈̪͂͛̾̏l̴̟̿͠i̷̧̍q̶͉̍ư̴̙̯̐̒̑̈́ḙ̸̡̗̱͋̔͋͠t̸̡̥̝̪̍͊̈͘ ̴͖̆̔̅̽p̵͇̼̞̬̪̔͂̊̄u̸̖̱̍͋̈́̇̕ȑ̵̡̘̫̰͌ṵ̵͇̣̾s̵̞̖͙͛̎͜.̵̡̥̯̄͒́̚͘ ̸̱͕͔̖̀̑͝D̴̼̙̂̍̓ǫ̷͋̔͠n̸͍̈e̵͎͓̞͆̏͘̕c̸̛̯͚̖̋̾ ̵̞̱̣̼̏̌̿i̵̧̤̟̒͗̍̊͝n̶̦͊̈́ ̵̲̱͛̃̇͝n̵̝̖̞͉̘͒i̸̤̬̟̳͌̈͐̄͘b̷̯̠̟̏̓̈́̾ḥ̶̇̆̕ ̶͚̯̃͆̋̾͝ḛ̵̎ŕ̷͚̠̂̋̈́o̵̺͘s̴̛̥̼̔̐.̴̬̲̒ ̵̠͍̲̖̄̆͜Ą̷͈̜̑̆͌l̸͈̑i̴̟͆́͌͜q̵͔͗͆͝u̴̝͎͐͐̓ä̴̻́̈̏̂͠m̵͔͝ ̸̧̤͎̹̥͛a̷̜͕̿͒̒t̵̢̢͓̺̎̕͝ ̴͇̗͙̄̅̃̓p̶̨̼̮̭͇̌h̷̫̽͆͋̚ả̶̢̰̲̺̌̈́͝r̵͖̤͖̾̏͒̒͂ͅe̴̡̛͇̲̤̾̂̓̈́t̸̬̑͗̉͊͌r̸͖̰͇̈́̓͊a̵̰̱͆̾͛̕͠ ̸̫̀͊̓͑r̷̞̬͎͉͋͂̃͌́i̴̢͇̻̹̪͐́̿͝ș̴̜̈u̵̬̐ͅs̷̫͊̌͗̎͠.̷͙̠̹̩̈́͆͜ ̸̨̆̃̂N̸͂͂̆̚ͅu̴̮̠̽͒ń̶̗͙͖̽̕c̸̺̻̮͠ ̴̰̥̈́͐̏̕ẗ̴͙̮̮̣́̔͒̈́͜͝e̸̝̜͓̠͋̈́͐ͅm̵̞͛̌p̴̠̥̠͚̓̒̉͝o̶̮͇͆̓͊̈́r̵͇͗͝ ̴͓̬̃͠c̴̞͕̈ó̴͇̹̫̭̅̒n̵̛̖̉̉ğ̴̤̳̻̻͐͂̍͌u̶͉͎̔̕ȇ̶̟̞̓̈͒ͅ ̵̧̙͍̼̤̇d̷̛̠̗̫ͅa̷̧̨͙̯͙̒̿̆̈p̷̹͚̒̈̈͘i̸͙̞̫̗̔̈́͐͝b̵̧͚̳̲͙͗̾̑͆̄ū̸͈ş̸̮̩͔̚͜͝.̸̺̞̣͕̿͒̿͗͜ ̸̧͉̔Č̵̯̩͋͜l̸̤̩͙̺͗͒̍͆̔ȃ̴̺̖͙̩͑̓̓s̸̡̫̰̜̠̈̓̐̓̚s̷̘̝̠̣͓̉ ̷̒̏̓͑͜å̷̲̆̕p̵̝̫̱̮̣͌t̸̝̘̣̤͒è̴͇̠͚n̶̻̂̒t̴̛͚̝̔͋̑͛ ̴̫̈́̎͂͠t̶̨̻͍̒̋͒̕͝a̸̧͙̬̦̜̽͂͝c̶̢̭͙̫͙̈́̄͗ì̷̢t̸̡̹̟̑̔̋͝͝ḭ̷̧͙͒̄ ̶͕̓̆̑̔͠ŝ̴͎̏ö̶͖̹͈̗͚̀ç̵͉͍͗í̷͈̱̫͗̚͠o̵̼̣̠̚s̸̯̮͓͑̍̈́̋͌q̶͓̝͍͎̃̎̉̏ͅȕ̷͎͝ͅ ̴̢̈̉̍̅a̵̺̤͠d̵̦̾̋ ̴̤̜̔l̵̛̫͎̠̪͔͛̃i̶̛̛̦̩͉̎̽̒t̵̨̞̟̥̜͛̆̆͛ȯ̴̭̣͜r̶̠͛a̴͉̱͎͛̀̽͗͜͝ͅ ̸͙ţ̴͈͔̬̤͐̆͂o̷̧͖̫͋̆͛r̸̹̂̃͒q̶̛̰͒̃ű̸̲ḙ̴͗̇̕n̵̢̦̩̘̖͑͆̋̔͠t̶̤̑̉͛̕ ̸̥̑͂̉͌͑p̶͎͈̅̚ė̶͍r̸̰̺̓͆̽̒̄ ̵̢̣͎̠͉̈́c̸̛̫̹̦̐͗͒̔ọ̷̪̅n̷̢̨̗̺͍͑̇͝u̶͉̝̇͌͊͐̈́b̶̳͂͑í̷̛̞̱̈̀̎a̴̡̲̜̠͌ ̶͇͉̬̱̈̇̾ṉ̵̡̥̭̇̇ö̷̫̱̱̻͙́́̈́͘͝s̴̹͎͋ṫ̸͚͈̪͉r̷̬͉̈́̐͆̎͝a̸͙̞̾̄͗̈,̸̛̗̔ ̸̨̘̬̤̣p̵̘̝̞̐̇̃͘e̷͖͈̽̂͗r̷̠͒ ̷̥̽̌͠i̸̘̩̣̾͗̒ṉ̷̙͈̰̣̈č̶͔̦͙͚̿̀͛͒ȇ̷͈̮͕̼̍͆͘ͅp̸̘̪͈̰̫͝t̴̬̟͖̪͗͌̓̍̕o̶̮̜̠͉͐̏s̴̘̪̉̉͒͝ ̶̨̛̙͇͘ḩ̷͓͚́ï̴̬̻̝m̸̩͍̹͚͘e̷͙͔̠͇̓͘n̴͖͎̞̝̂̈̿͝ͅȃ̸̜͔̦ë̵̙̥̗̫́͒͗͜ỏ̴͈̠̼̑̀̕ŝ̶̼̬.̷̡͚̣̱̀̋ ̵͇̈̈́́̏͌P̶̹͙̖̓̈́̕h̴̰͌̕a̸͓̝̦̝̭s̵̥̪̅͗̈ë̷̪̳̗̲̏̓l̴̟̚l̶̡̟͐̌͜ͅu̵̗̝̎̐͘s̷̯̃ ̶̡͎͍̻̦̍̄̕͝m̴̢̥̦͓͊͜a̸̜͓͐̿ͅu̷̻͠ŕ̷͓͚͆͐i̴̯͛͋̐̾s̴̤̫̳̿͛ ̴̢̢͕̩̦͗̊̄o̵̦̳̺̣̐̂̀͌d̷̟̭͚͂̍̈̒͝i̶̯͖͍̎͒̊̏o̴̦̤̊̆,̴̢̪͚̺̕ ̸͒͒͜͠a̵̡̟̣̼͋̚c̸̛̭̒͐̚c̶̛̘͓̠͇̀̆̿u̷̡̢͙͗m̶̲̹̔s̶̰̝͛͑͠ḁ̶͇̇̽͠n̷̘̣̳̹̱̽̏͝ ̵̪͇̺̟̙̀̈́̎̍ù̷̪̹̥̩͑̓t̴̨̢̞̮̟͒̏ ̵̛͖̚ḿ̶̟a̷̦̽t̷͓̹̟̺̃͒̄̃ͅṱ̷̡͕͚͉̓̓i̶̛̬̫̫s̷̤͙̣̟͊̽͑ ̸̡̥̭̑̈́̚q̶̳̖̱̅ǔ̵̗̟i̵̟̜̞̽̆̍͝s̷̤͔̋,̶̢̪̕ ̸̢̩͓̍͌̀͘͘ù̵̧̳̯̖̖̔͛̍͂ḻ̸̞̤̝̄̈́̔͒͜ṯ̷͕͈̲͑̇̀ȓ̴̹͖̐͋i̸̢̹̤̻͛̔͒̽c̴̖̻͋ȩ̸͇̲̓̆̈͗̚s̸͕̝̳͋ͅ ̵̟̝̿͑̒s̷͇͑ͅe̸͔͐̑d̷͍͖̭̏ ̴̭͒͑d̴̪͖̭̈́̏͊̈́͂o̶̳̤̻͒͌̀̈͑l̸̝̻̠͆͘̕ơ̶̜̺̗̠͒͌͜r̷͎̥̈͑͆.̴͖̭̫̗̋ ̷̠̪͛̏̽͘ͅǏ̶̜̩̞̾̀̐̕ņ̷̪̍͌͘͠ ̸̬̂̒̌͛l̴̮͉͋ͅa̶̻͙͎̮̮̎̈́͑̓c̵̦̔̈͂̽͝û̸̠̺̍̉͜s̵̺͇̰͖̥̈́͋͋͂ ̴͙̙͖̭̱͛̊n̷̡̲̺͍͉͗̉į̶̹̤̈̈́̐̌͜s̸̡̢̭̗̹̀̃̊ỉ̶̝̠̙̼,̸̙̹̰̏̽̓͠ ̴̟̾̊̔͝ͅr̴͓̮͈̺̝̋͠u̷̻̖̠͌̎̚̚͝ͅt̵͙̂̏̑ͅř̵͓̞̱͛̍͘̕u̸͖̪̍̂̅͘̕m̴̰͖̊̈́͊ ̷̣̗̊͒̕i̸̧̱̺͆̄͗̕d̷̟̳̗̆͜ ̷̛̫͂̊̇̎m̶̩̥̐a̵͇̪͉͔̍͐͠g̶̬͚̻͊̽͗̐̚͜n̵̡͇̪̲͔̂a̷̝̗̾ ̸͖͋̄n̴͖͙̱͈̏̐̀̓̐ö̵̰̦̠̯́̿n̴͇̂̂̿̚,̴̲̯̔̊̅̈ ̴͈̔̉̽͆m̵̻̤̞̖̔̿a̸̛̼̩̐͑̚ẍ̸̡̰́i̵̗̓͠m̶̢̯̼̮͐̓ű̸̧̮̞̬̽̍s̷̛͕̣̃̇͌̏ ̶͙̙͕̉̔͠e̸͈͋̔g̸̩͕̜̓e̸ͅș̶͓̄ͅţ̵͚̦̈́̑ä̶̧̧̬̈́̚͝s̷̛̥̖̝̈́̽̋ ̸̧̫̯̑̓̃͠ͅͅn̵̛̤̍̍ͅẻ̸̬͍̳͊q̵̡́̈́͌͆ͅŭ̶̥̞̈̐͠e̷̢̡͕̲̲̎̇̓̉̽.̴̛͕̬̙̱͝͝

̵̭̳̉̅͘͜P̴͔͚̜̒̂̆͝ͅe̶̖̖̲̿͗̐̎ļ̸̭̣̦͊͜l̴̡̼͙͗̓̌̿e̷̛͚͉̳̒̈́n̴̢̳̏t̴̛͎͎̝͜e̴̛̤̳̔̎̕s̷͉̯̄͛q̸̧̛̪͉̍͆ṹ̴̬̦ͅê̸̖͕̖̲̅͂͊͜ ̸̧̿͑e̴̥̼̖̰̒ṭ̴̍͆ ̵̭̼̤̮̟̾͘͝l̷̘̲̤͈̆̈́̕i̶̲̘͋̽̏g̸̙̪̔͝u̴͚̜̠͎̫̎͊l̴̙̂̿ą̴̺̳̤͓̚ ̸̬͉̙͚͒͐q̵̛̺̻̙u̶͎̠̱̦͇̍î̸̞̔̏̔̋s̸̞̗͎̈́̂͜ ̸̧̧̘̦̾̔̌a̵͖͈̽̓̈́̃̑ư̶̤͒͝g̷̫͍̙̙̼͋u̵̼̳͚̘͌̕e̷̫̾ ̶̧̯̰̯͍͊s̸̡͔͋̀̋ų̵̭̒̿̐̕s̵̪͕̮̲͕͌̿͒̅̚c̶̫̯̦̏̈͝i̶͉̲͔̭͗͐̂̍̈p̴̡̧̛̲͙̄̇̓i̸̩̘͓͈̞̓̕t̵̝̀̎̂̓͠ ̴̮͈̇̈́̈ë̸̥͙̩́̾͘ĺ̷͕͎̥͜͜e̵̞̋̇m̵̹̅̀é̴͓n̵͕̗͗̓̈̓t̴̲͓͖̳̝͊̏̀̿u̵̩̣̼̺̪͂m̶̦̈́̂̋̚.̵̻̤̳̼̊̕ ̴̩̠̔̒S̶̱͑̈e̶̡̗̻̹͈͆d̵͔̥͙̉͜ ̵͕̙͈̭͗͊̀͑̕e̵̠̟̥̭̓̕ţ̸̭͊̉́̈́̉ ̵͈͈̣͕͕͐l̵͕̏̇a̸̜͔͚͎͆c̵̤͑̆̈į̷͖̜͈̟̇̏͝͠n̸̲̱̻̙̒̊͊͐͘ḯ̴̖̿̊͆͆a̸̗̬̰̘͇͋ ̸̞͇͐̆̀͛q̶̡̯̳̝̰͊ű̷̩̯͙̻̺̾̆́͘a̶̞̍͆̎̉m̸̤̮̘̩̠̍̊̌.̵̘̩̖̪̿̈͛̅ ̴͍̟̖̜͕̃̈̓̿͝P̴̧͔͓̺̼̐̃͛̐͝r̷̤̯̣͍̟̀̋ő̶̥̥͔̙̉͐͝ͅi̷̖̯̝̾n̷̦̺̤̈͂̂̕͝ ̸̗͈̩̞͐͒͆ḙ̵̥͋̾̋̚ḻ̶̈́ë̴̺̤͎́̀͆͂m̷̨͓͍̙̋̓ę̸̩͂n̵͕̺̟̰̐ţ̵̦̗͍̇ṷ̶́̄͠͝m̶͖̞͊͜͜ ̷̝̰̐͛̚f̵̧͕͍͈͐̅̔̇͝ͅȇ̷̹̺̓̊͘r̵̻̠̦̄̈m̵̘̪͓̌̇̅͝e̴͉̹̯͐̒̄͜ͅn̷͇͙̈́͑͗t̴͚̠̠̩̤͒u̶̧̇̍͝m̴̯̩͍̈̅̄͐͂ ̸͕̝͛͗d̸̪̓̐͛̇i̷̢̛͙̊̈́͗͂c̸̨͓͉̘͐̑̉t̷̠̥̻̫̄̓̌̚u̸̡͎͌͐̚m̴͕̒̇̽̚.̵̗̙͈̠̑͆͝ ̵̡̛̗̥͔̈́̔̈͝N̶̖̈́ả̵͈͌̽̈ṃ̷̩͙̘̈̄̚ ̶̡̠̜̦͖͑͐̋͝v̷̲͒͂e̷͖͙͌̅͆̕͝s̴̞͍͙͊t̸͎̽̽̏̓͌i̵̢̦͓̐b̶̧͍̹̤̚ȗ̴̡̨͚̪͈͛l̵̤̪̳̘͒ư̸̟̺̝͉̓̐̐̊͜m̶̲̜̜̠̎ ̶̨̥͐̆ş̸̢̻͚̠͒e̷̢̢̦̻͑͌ḿ̴̛̖͉͇̭ ̸͖͓͊͘͝l̴̗̭̓î̶̺͙̕ͅb̵̛͍̊̾̎̀e̵͖̐́r̶̢̜͎̲̘͌̂͐̄͊o̵̻͎̥͉̿͒͠,̴̬̬̫̐͑͆̓͝ ̸̹̋̄̅̇̈́v̸̝͚̙̞̤̀̅̽̀̕i̵̹̱͓̮̇̾t̷̡͈̂͋a̸̠̬̲̾e̶̫̩͉̙̹͒͐͘ ̸̺̻͘c̵͔͋͝ö̸̢̬̝̟̽̕n̴͚̾͗̋̋̂v̸̛̻̱͉̥͑̊ȁ̶̦͕̖̖̄l̴͍̥͚̪̐̾ĺ̴͙͉͓͇̈̒̃ȉ̶̢͈̙̒š̶̞̘̤͈͕͗̍͝ ̶̢̲̼̫̺e̵̥͈̘̲͆̈́͜x̴̱̖͂̽͗̂͠ ̵͈̜͋̚ͅṡ̸̢̽͑̆o̷̯̓̽̕͝l̴͍̟͌̿̑̀̆l̸̟̿͊̓̕͝ȋ̸̡͔͇̦̈́͊͜c̷̢̘͍̞͈̑ḯ̵̺͔t̴̺̪̩̰͌û̸̟̳d̶̫̫̭͔͇͛̔i̴͕͇͓̭͔̒̃̔n̶͖̾͝ ̴̨̤̼̣̂̒̀̍n̷͈͔͆͋̈̆e̶̝̣̺̮̽̎̒̾̈́c̸̡̥͖̠̟̾͒̂̑.̸̮̱͋ ̶̖̔̔̈͒M̵̦̙̥͚̙͆̔͘ą̶̉̿̈́͑̏u̷̧͚̱̖͋r̶̢̠̓ỉ̶͚͑̐͑ṣ̴̱͑̓ ̷̭̮̟̩̆̈́s̵͚̱͛́̎͂̕a̴̡͆g̸̫͎͍̾̇ī̸͉͙̺̦͝t̵͇̫̐t̵͈̜͔͔͗̐̈̚͜í̷̢̨̡̳s̷̢̼̗̅̋̎ ̴̨̳̲̏͠ņ̷͓̻̑̽͗̇ͅī̷͎̮͙̃͂s̴͎̠̓̈́͌̿͘i̴͍̰͉͇̽ ̵̢̱̺̙͈̏̇͠m̸̘̜̤̋̇̈́͜͠a̶̡͈̪͓͌͊̔̕u̶͙͍̗̞̮͛̌̐r̶̗̘̦͙̟̾̊̅͠ȉ̷̠͐s̵͓͌͋,̵͕̰̦̈́̀ ̴̣̪̗̠̝̽͐̐̐͠ȩ̶͈͈͑̑̄͗͘g̷̢̧̺̺̐͜ë̵̦̘͉́t̸͓̼͋͗̒̕ͅ ̷̬̿̎̏̃̃ṭ̵̢̠̩̘͆ĭ̶̥̋̏̚n̵͖̓c̷̨̦̺̙̼̐̔̄̄ḯ̵̛̤̳͙̫d̵̛̗̦̘ű̷͙̬̽̐͝ͅń̸̳̖͓̯̎t̷̙̮͓̥̄̆̓̕͝ ̴͖̘̙̗̦̆̔͆̄e̸̛͕̞̗̳͛̈͒s̸̩̫̲͐̾̂͋͘t̵̼̼̬̜̆͒̊ ̴̜͂ȃ̸̧̧͓̙͜l̷̨̦͉̟̉͘i̴̢̬̟̻͗q̷̗̮͙̰͒̈́̈́̉̆u̸̗̾̂͜ǎ̴̖̞͆̽͐m̵͚͙̺̟̺̊̑̐̃ ̴̛̙͔̰̃͋̽ṅ̸̪̖͙͔̀̌̐e̵̢̩̭͐͝͝č̴͓͇̰͐.̸̧̛̭̻̙͓ ̷̨̢̰̜͋̓̆ͅN̷͚̣͗͂͒̕͜͝ų̸̳̖̳͚̂̃̋͋l̸̟͒͜l̷̮ậ̴̖͎̜̟̐̏͋͊ ̷̧̼̊̉͐̅f̶̪͓̗͙̈͐͆͒͠ͅa̴̘͍̜͍͚͐c̵̟͔̗͑̅͋ì̷͎̫̬̓͆͒̑l̴͉̣̅̓͜ị̴̃̿s̸͎̭̘͔̼͂̒̈́̀i̷͕̎͊͒͒́.̸̧̹͇͓͙͑̆̎ ̸͓̼̈́V̸͈̤̝͕̮̒̏́̈̇e̴̥̮͚̮̍͌͘ͅs̸̠̮̠̐t̶̻͈͑̔͑̄ỉ̷̮̘̭̅͊͆͝b̸̹͖̊̒ủ̵̦̳̐̕l̵͚̽̍͌͝ú̶͙̤̯̼m̷̩͕̐͒ ̷̪̗̿͘͘n̷̨̻̹̞̈́ö̵̦̘́̀͝n̷̝̯̅̕ͅ ̵̤͛̌t̶͔̗͇̋̆͊͘ẻ̸̺̀l̷̢͕͑l̶̞̭͈͔͗u̷̱̭͈̽̀͜ŝ̸̲ ̵͖͋̅s̶̞̘̤̠̊͑̍i̶̼͝ẗ̸͉̩́͝͝ͅ ̵͍̈́ä̶̼̖̩͉́͒̊̂̚m̵͙̗̥̃͋͝e̴̢͍͍̩͙̓̄̏̑̈́t̵̨͉̳̳̒̔̈́̎ ̴͕̩̩̃̄͌̈́͝ņ̴͛͗̐͝͠ḙ̵͗q̸̺̄ú̶̡̏ḙ̴̂̆ ̷̯̈͒͂͝ṫ̵̯͙̔ͅi̷̗̽̀͋̔n̸͈̋̃c̷̨̢̣̥̚͜i̵̜̩̮̒̃͐͜͝d̸̺̿̆̄̓͗ư̷̗̰̊͐̕͝n̸͍͗̈́̏̽t̴͓̓̽̈́̓ ̵̥͆́̈́m̵͙̓̓̎a̶̪̒̌̀͝x̴̢̳̮͛̏̚͘͝i̷̦̺͈͐ṃ̶̤̔̇̋͐͌ù̴̬̻̗̪̹s̵͖͎̿̐̿́ ̸͓̞̞̅̏̔͘͜ș̴̦̙̕ỉ̵̝͌̔͋̅ͅt̶͍͝ ̶̳̟̗̌̓̀̓̚a̸̱͌m̴͓͍͙͒e̷̢͙͖̻̕t̷̗̂̊͝ͅ ̴̢̢̰̉̔͑̕͝a̵̗̞͖͐̅͐ ̴̟̟̇͝ṋ̷̫̐̌̓͊i̶͚̝͎̼̒̓͐͋̌s̶̝̳̣̗͖͊́̃ļ̴͇͔̼̱͊͐̆̽͆.̷͙̲̌͐͝ͅ ̶͚̺͇̩͖́͝P̵͖̿h̴͔̃̃a̸͔͕̱̝̾̄̃̅s̵̹̻̫̝̿͌̋͠e̶̡̬͛͑̃l̶͖͙͐͛l̴̢̹͍̖̖͊̾̄̽ǔ̵̟̥̳͎̕͜s̷̙͔̔͘͠ ̶͔̩̺̋̈́̊̈ṗ̶̫̤͖ͅő̷̩̲̙͉͎̚͝͝r̸̢̹̦͉̈́t̷͓̹̤͍̩̋̋̓͗t̴̠̤͍̏͋̚̚i̷̫̟̠̥͝ţ̶̼̌̓͠͝ö̶̧̟͖̯̭́̃̈́̕r̵͙̮͒͊͘,̵̧͍̘̻̫̏͐ ̸̙͈͇͙̞̓ų̷̟̃̀͑̆̚ͅr̵̨͎̯̾n̸̡̛̗͚͓͑͝ạ̴̧̼͍̟̇ ̸͖̅í̵̛͚͝n̶̫̞̰̞̈́͑ ̴̰̼̺̼̗͆͝d̷̳̙͎̳̄i̸̤͂ĝ̶̢͔̦̭ṋ̷͔̩̫̹̉i̵̱̣͓̽̒͗̎ş̸̛̪͇̤̮͒͋ș̴̲̀̿̌̅̋i̶̳̊̅̾̋m̸̖̫̠͊̐̉ͅ ̷͍̞̗̙̈́͌f̷̛̺ŗ̶̛̛͈͖̦̫͛ḭ̵̢̙̲͚̓̽̌n̶̝̓͂g̵̼͈̮̉̃̈͘i̵͖̠̹͙͊ͅl̸̬̤͕͙̈͊l̴̡͔̝̠͎̆͂͆̓ȁ̷̧̅͋,̴̢͈̬͉͙̀̌ ̶̧̡͔̳̤͒̃̂̚ų̸̧̠̘̹̃͌͂r̵̨̀n̵̜̗̊͝͝ã̸̧̞̥͎͗͌̕ ̴̰̅a̴̛̘̝̦̙͇̔̀r̷̡̪̰͎̈́̑͛ͅc̷͕̻͖̝̓ù̶̫̺̞̖͆̐̒̚ͅ ̸̫͑̒l̶̝̼̈́̍͒̈́̇ą̶͈͎͋̓̃̚͜ö̶̖͍̞̳́r̴̡̢̙̲̓̾̊̚͝ȇ̶̛͙̼̐̿͗ȩ̷̍̃̿̎͝t̸̳̼̝̺̜̐̍͂ ̸̦̔͊l̴̹̣̅ī̶̫̯b̶̯̳͓̺̈̊̊e̶͕̘͈͇̯̒ȑ̴͇̤͚̤̄͠ŏ̸̦̹̻͝,̴̫̙͍͌͋̈́͝ ̷̜͎͍̟́̋͝ͅḛ̴͚̻̞͕̄͐̾g̵͔͋ë̷̮̘̳̏t̶͕̓̌͘͜ ̷̻̜̣͍͋̓ͅv̴̘̙̦̺̎̎͝ĕ̸͎͇̑̊̔ͅḣ̵̢̪̃i̵̛̲̬͉̫̮c̶̰̾̅͘ṵ̵͖̋̓̚l̴̻̝͕͕͖̅̾̓̐͠ḁ̵̹̺̑͗ ̸̗́͛͂̐̆n̷̘͎͓̙̔ͅi̶̧̛̛̬͚͍͗͌s̷̨̬̲͚̬̎͝͠ḻ̴̭̥͂̓͐̇͝ͅ ̵̛͈̱́̈͛͝q̷͍̞̜͖͑͂͛͘͜͝ų̴̈́̍a̴͎͎͙̱͌̃̐̉̌͜ṁ̸̪̉͗̌͝ ̸̥̰̭͐v̸͓̟̹̙̝̀i̶̻͇̦̾͜ͅt̴̩̂͛a̸̟͖̪͈̱̎̌͂e̸͚͇̲̱͊̽̍̂ ̴̢̼̻̯͋͛̄̕͠n̵͈̥̆͊͒͌͠ĩ̵͎̂̈́̃̓ş̷̼̂̽i̷̲͚͍͚̜̚͝.̷͇̆̎ ̴̮̗͓̹̀͋Ä̷̰̣̜́͐̓͊l̶̡̰͎̉͘ỉ̴͎̲̊̍̂q̶̬̩͈̓̆͂̚u̴̦̝a̵͙̩̹̲̮͊̏̑̅m̵͉͓̰̻ ̴̖̃͜t̵͍̿̚ẽ̷̯͉̻̒͂͝m̵̡̪̺̼̟̽p̵̧̯̲͈̂o̵̬͍̾͆r̵͇͉͉͊̓͜ ̵̧̛̺̝̃̃̐̊s̸̱̙̬͆o̵̪̞̝͎̬͆͑̈́̊l̶̫̆̃̈ḻ̸̦̏̕i̸̠͈̗͇̓͊̊͝͠c̵̦̈͊͜ͅi̷͔̿͋̊̇t̴̯̆͆̓̕ự̷̮͚͈̜̍͒͘ḑ̷̨͓̝̿̓̽ì̵̺͆̾͘͘n̴̡͈̠̠̈́͋̌̌̈ ̵͍̰͙͇̉̈́̉͘ͅd̷̡̘̦̄̔͑i̵̡̧͓̝͒̒̊̈́a̷̖̐m̵͙̟̈̓̒̆̿,̵̤̙͂̕͜ ̵̟͓͐̓ę̶̡̹́̚͘u̵̦̾̌͝͝ ̴̢͈̟̩̅̈́̃͠͝i̴̛̺͍͐͝m̴̬̭̳̣̈́p̵̢͓̹̆͜ͅe̴̠̹̲̎͑͒r̴̟̲̯̭͖̃͌̈͠ḏ̴̛̣̞̫̃̈î̵̻̪̆̋e̵͖͎͈̯̺̽̏̑̇̕ţ̸̧̜̼̯̇͂͛̕͠ ̵̛̻̐p̴͍͈̈́̈́̿̿ṷ̴̮̩̙̜̓͆̾r̷̺̈́̆̈́͋ǘ̴̘̼̙̳̫s̷̩̹̑ ̷̤͉̙͋c̷͔̲̜̀o̶̦̫͓̯̔͆͘ͅn̶̰͚̯͋̉̂̆͜d̵̫̦̤̩͕̆̂͂͝ĩ̷̲͔͓̪ṁ̴̺̊e̵̖̓̌͊n̶̡̼̣̱͉̽̃t̶̟̳͈̦̽͑̌ụ̸̔̎̑m̸̩̥̜̻̓͂ ̸͕̞̳͓̗̍̎͂̃ư̸̞̳̟̙͗͂̕͜ţ̸̨̦̈́͝.̷̮͖̔͑͗̕ ̵̹̈V̴̡̜̘͛͆̔͘ͅẽ̸͙̌̇͌͂s̶̝͇͖̾ͅt̷̩̻̓i̵̖̗͎̬̋̈́́̓ͅḇ̷̐͐͒̓u̷̲̇͌ḽ̸̄̈́u̸͛̐͜m̸̡͕̺̠̂̓ ̴͔̩̲̘͚̀̽ť̶͕͈̖̏͋ĩ̴͖͉̮͓̻͛̀n̸̡͎̬̈́̋̋c̷̳̘̪͕̻̍̄̈̒ǐ̵͓̞̌̈́d̴̨̼͕̟̳͗͋̀u̴̪̤̞̐̾́n̵̞͖̄̔t̶̲͌̀́̔ ̵̬͖͔̇̂ę̶̬̯̫̆̅̅̍g̸̠̜̮̲̑̊́̇͐ĕ̷̗͊̽̅̈́͜͜s̴̥̫̃̿̈́̅ț̷̲͓̂͛̓ḁ̴̂͐̊͜s̸̲̣̱̆͝ ̶̧̗̼̥̫̄͋̈́̂s̷͖͇̉̔̔̅̕ű̶̡̦̎s̸̗̦̫̺̫̊͑͌c̷̘̲̼͈̋͂̃͜͠į̶̿̓͘ṗ̶̲͎̈́͋̉͝i̴̳̽̉t̶̡͉͇̣̽̈͋.̵̟̻̰̦̈́

̶̧̩̹̟͙̏̿͗͝D̷̳̰͛o̵͕̱͉͒̒̉̆͝n̷̢͕͓̆ͅe̸̛̤̜̟̳͎č̴̡͎̞̲͆ ̵̰͉̇f̶̥͇̖̕ḯ̴̛̞͙̈́ņ̵͚̩͌̂͛̈́i̵̢̯͛͑͑͋̕b̵̛̪͎͔͋u̷͚̤̤̯̯̐͂s̶̝̚͠ ̷̖͚͇̦̻͑͒̕e̵͈̫̲͗͐̋ư̶̰ ̷͚̪̩̄̚ͅė̸̢͚̙̟͐̈́͆͗ŗ̷̀͗a̶̗̰͊̉͝t̴͓̄̐͘ ̸̠̂͑͘n̴̯͆̐͆̕e̶̳̲̠̎̽̈́͋̈ĉ̸̰̦͔̅́͝ ̵̯͚͊̀l̴̼̈̀̌͝ä̵͓̭̅͠o̶̢̦͇͕̣̓r̵͎̽̒̆͗̓ȩ̵̖͂́̉̔̈́e̴̥̙̰̣̫͆̊t̴͍̯͈̆̂͂.̴̘̫̗͉̣̅ ̴̼͓̤̘̈́V̵̨̡͔̲͕̄̎̅e̴̲̦̤͑̕s̸̠̭̠͕̎͛͜ṯ̶̭͋͌i̷͓̇̃̍̑b̵̙͎̟̄̑́͘ǔ̷̧̧̞͖͒ĺ̶̢̡̳u̵̪̬̫͔͉̓ḿ̴̯̝̰͚̃ ̷̨̮̙̠̆̕m̷̧̢͇̥̤̋ô̸͕̥̒l̶͔̯͆ȩ̷̘̟̱͕̈́͊̾s̵͕͚͎̹̺̍͐ṭ̷̃́͑i̴̲͕̖͔̱͛̇̇̓͝ḙ̴́̑̓̚ ̶̰̥̖͇̾͜g̵̞͙̐̾̚r̴͖͎͙̮͂̔a̴̠̭͛͘v̷̲̄̈́̇i̷̞̝̟̬͊̀d̷̬̦̝̓͘ả̶͕̭̈́ ̵͈̪͚̩̈́͒̚͜͠ö̵̧͍̦͈́̒̆͛͜͠r̵̟̳͙̖̋c̸̹̪̓̏̃į̸̝̦̩͕̀̏̔̅,̵͇̙̂̾̆͜ͅ ̷̡̛̦̬̩̗̈́s̶̟̓̃̈́i̸͈͖̮͎̖͠ẗ̸̼̰͙͎́̾͘ ̵̧̄̆͒͆͝ͅạ̸̈̓m̷̢̞̤͍̑ȇ̷͕̩̚ͅṯ̴̂̀̄ ̴̨̢̟̼͋c̴̺̝̫͌͗͝o̴͚͓̺͉̓̏̂̈̉ͅn̸͖͌v̶̛̟̫ͅa̷̭͉̹̪͈͆̌̿l̶̜̼͈͕̑̄͗l̵̎ͅī̶̧͂̅͜s̶̺͐̂ ̸͇͑o̷̡͖͖͛̾͆͝r̶̝̻͔̭͠͠c̷̖͕̈́͆̓̊i̵̯̩̿ ̷̡͍̜̜̻̿̓̾͐p̴̻͛h̵̤̙̟͔̰͒̈̿a̵̬̮̱̒̾̀r̷̬̐ė̷̡̦̜͚̹t̴̼̓͌r̵͖̙̱̈̈̓̕͠ą̵͓͇͙̥͂͒͌ ̶̺̓̃̉̍̚s̷̡̹͇̳̥̓̽͛̉̚e̵̡̻͚̠̅̈́̒ḍ̴̳̟̉̈̈́.̷̻̩͖̣͆̌ ̴̮̖̖̓͆͂Ď̴̹͚̕̚ȏ̴̡̒n̵̨̤͖̩̑̆̈́e̴̜̍͘c̸̨͔̰̓̌̈́̚ ̸̫̝̋c̵̥̋͂̋̚͝ơ̵̦̠̱͂̿͘ͅn̶͚͕̱̥̓̒͑d̸̦̔̒͗̄ỉ̴̬̘͉͛̽m̸͉̫͗̍͂͆͝è̷̡̯̠͙̈́̿̇̕n̵͙̟̯͗̉͛ṫ̵̞̰̽̈ứ̸̝͕̟̗̏͜͝m̴͍̺͇̙̦̐͆͂̃ ̴̞͑̽͘͜f̷̨͚͈͇͈̎̕e̷̬̻̖͖̊̚͠r̷̹͉̘̥͛m̵̨̡̳̭͆e̶̛͖̻̒̃ͅn̷̡͍̞̖͉̎̀̒̊t̴͖͕͈̺͒̊̚ṳ̷͕̮͛̿̔̔͜͜m̸̼̜̣̉ ̷̧͖͙̩̅͑͘f̵̮̗̏͛̀͘͝r̵͔̙̜͆į̶͎̗͉̍̓n̴̞̩̺͂̄̿̚͝g̵̹̒͌̚͝i̶̧̨̥̽̒̀̇̚l̴̖͂͑̎͝l̴̟̬a̴̠̦͕͎̕.̵̪͓̂͜͠͝ ̴͙̉͐̕̚S̶̫̦͗̇̌͠e̷̯̫d̵̨̙̽͜͜ ̸̲̜̫͋̽c̷̝̀̾͊ư̷̤̲̘͎͊̓r̶͕͍͚͒̋͜s̴̛̪͖͚̽͛̏͜ủ̴͎̠͛̓̕̕ṡ̶̱̖͓̖͆̈́͗ ̴̭͒͆̐̽͝u̴̜͇̩͋̑ļ̴͇̩͆̈́t̶̩͚́͒͒̆r̴͉̲͎̖̘͗i̴͉͌c̶͓̱͉̠͛͠i̷͖̲͔͊͒̚͝͝e̶̤̞̬̿s̶͙̄ ̸̧̯̬̍ͅe̸̮͛̍̃̆̇s̶͚̖̔t̵̠̹̳̗̅̇̈́̓̕.̷͙̪̊̉̔̇̌ ̶̲̯̭̱̠͛̋D̷̝̯͓̺̂͗ö̶̪͈̲́̓́n̵̠̘̙̠̩̄̈́͘͠e̷̾͊̍̄͊ͅc̴͉̯̗̣̗̚ ̴̘̲̬͋͂̈͒́v̸̪̺͇͚̹̅ā̸̯͍̓̂r̵͚̯̉̊̀̈͠ḭ̷̰̲̭̽̐ú̶̮̏s̷̞̻͕͋̀̆̎͘ͅ ̷͙̇͐̈̾͑c̸͎͓̰̘̼̏̈́̒u̷̮̥͚̦̓̄͝r̴͛ͅs̸̡̰̜̫̍͛͆u̸͙̳̾͌͝ͅs̵͔̃̇͠ ̶̘̩͍̾̚m̵̝̮̺̂͠a̸͔͚̫̓̇͛ū̴͈͎̠͕̫ř̶̡͊̾ĩ̶͈̪̪̈́̄͘s̶̰̫̏,̴̤͇̟̦̎͜ ̴̢̛̘̗̋̐͠e̸̡̞͙͆̄͌̽ͅụ̵̮̲̕̕ ̷̼̲̿̐̋̚͝d̷̡̞͎͖̯͑ą̷͗̓p̵̲̝͈̰̞̑̃͠͝ḯ̴̝̺͎̔ḅ̶͉̊̂̒̍̅ŭ̷͕̤̞͎͍̃͐͆s̸̡̪̟̭̏̎́̑͝ͅ ̸̯̩̪̞̈̅l̵͈͗͒i̵͈̬͙̎̀͂͋g̸̮͙̮̪̉̾̚͘͘ų̴̖͉̙͖̎̒̇͠l̵̛͎̊̀̈́̀ã̸̟͖̝̮̞̕͝ ̷̼̋̾̆͂̈́v̷̀̕͜e̷͓̝̊̈̈̆̒s̷̳̬̬̓͛͝t̵̹͖͂i̸̼͉͎̣͊͌͘b̴̛̤̒̏̉̀ų̷̛̩͗l̵̜͝u̴̠̺̣̹͋͛̂͗͌m̴͕͊̾̈́̈͆ ̴̡̠̰̍̑v̷̛̺͓͚̈̔̕e̶͖̞̪̹̻̔͛l̷̡̫̂̀̾.̴͓͔̩̈́̉ ̶͙͍̪͔̔͜P̶̱̿̿e̵̽ͅḷ̶̡͇͂̒̋̎l̴̻̜̈͋e̵̡̝̭͉̘͐n̷̘̏͆͌t̸̩̰̘͗e̶̡͕̙̱̻͗̕̕ṡ̸͕̟̞͊̇̒̔͜q̶̠̱͊̈́̾̉̋u̴̗͚̲͕̻͌ȅ̴̮̮ ̸̪͔͒͆l̵͚̜͙͎̐ę̷̈́͊̌c̷̲̲̤̱͋̾́̈̒͜ț̶̦̖͉͎̉͊̌̎͠u̶̺̖̠̖̅̐͑̚s̸̝͈͉͒ ̴̣͇͌̇̀̍̆l̵͓̎̒͌a̷͈̖̼͔̓̿͗c̸̖̦̹̲̏̏u̴̻̯̠̫͚̅̈́̇̽s̵̛̞̩͔̣̒̅̂,̸͕̼̖͆̕ ̸͚̟̒̉͊u̸͕͂̿̎l̶͎̰̏̕l̶̤̯̿̌́͗a̴̭̠͉͙̽̓m̴̧̙͚͇͍̊̉̉̏͂c̶̝͍̬͒̉̓͝o̷̩̝̚r̴͕̤̈́p̷͓̰̮̀͝e̶̲̋r̸͕͇̪̣̻̀͠ ̸̙͇̓̑e̴̡̳͙͒u̴͔̻̐̐ͅ ̴͓̗̺̦̻͑̃͋͠ȇ̷͍͖̜̝̺̑̃̒̚ģ̵̼̼̔͜e̷͖͉̻̖̗̽͒̾̍̀ṡ̷̨̯̩̫͠t̷͕̼̹͇̂̌̏a̷̡̫͚̦̅̄̈͋͝s̵͚̮̊͐̌̆͜ ̵̣̠̙̆͑̊̕͜i̷͇͕͚̦̾͌̌̔͘d̸̢̬̼͎͑̈́,̵̪́ ̷̢̊͆̿͗g̵̜̫̏̈́ͅr̸̯̪͌̆a̸̭͒̈́͝͠v̸̗̮͗̄̿i̶̢͊ḑ̴̐̏͒͋͠a̵̼͑͛̆̕̕ͅ ̴̡̬͋́͂v̶͉̕i̴̧̻̼͊̃̿͝t̶̨̙̫̓̋ä̷̹́e̴̬͉͋ ̸͇̊͌̍l̷̲̔̃î̶̧͍̮̤͚͝͝g̸̳͖̣͈͍͋̀̽û̵̺̲͝ļ̴̢̺̈́ä̷̛̼̻́̀̚̚.̶̧̣̬͚̋̾̑͠ ̵̝̥͚̦͊̒͂̈Ṉ̵͇̼̽̒̌ü̸̢̳̜l̶͕̾̎̇l̷̢̬̭̬͕͘à̶̢̗̠̞̘ ̸̧̘̳̑f̶͖̤͆̀͆̎a̸̧͓͙̋͌͑͌̒c̸̼͖͒̌i̶̥͓̩͉̓́̿̚̕l̵͕̱̼̻̜̒͋̿͂͊ī̶̯̳̬̒̚͜s̶̬͖̃͠ǐ̴͙̜̹͒̓̾.̴̺͐̑͗͝ ̵̢̩̿͆͒A̴͙͙̹̲͌̾͠ę̴̭̞͚̞͒͒̾ņ̴̔͗̽̈́̕ę̸͙̐a̷̢͊̍͒̎̎n̵̡̢̳̪̪̋̒̿ ̷͍͕͒v̴̢̞͛̓e̷̟̔͋͘͜͜ẖ̶̻̏̊̌i̵̟͈͕͊̎̑͜c̴̨̓͗̚ȗ̶̳̝̻̯l̸͚̤̱̠̄͐ã̴͉͐̋̍̓ ̷͉͓̥̳͙͒m̷̨̨͕̮̑̌̊a̶̡̦̫̲͍͂̽̐x̶͙̮̤͑̏́̆ỉ̷̭̳͇m̵̪̺̓ṷ̷͎̭̇̅̇̈s̷͍͐̈́̓̓͠ ̷̭͇͒̓̎́u̴̠̜͐̀̈́͘͝r̵̦̞̔̋̓n̸͔̙͙̥̑å̶̘͉,̸̡̿ ̵͎̤̫͊̕͜a̷̹̅̔ț̵̗̝̱̙̈́͆̊ ̷͙̭͕̣̔f̶̜̠̺̬͋͑e̴̛̳̯̾̃r̷͉̠̓̐m̵̨͖̞͗e̴̺̭̼͉̱͒̍n̶͙̈́̇̊̆͗t̵̩͕̯̥̓̆̾û̶̬͖̏̇͝m̵͍͓̻̯̈́̆͆ ̸̨͌͌m̴͚͙̖͋a̷̲͆͝ͅg̵͓̊͝n̴̛̲̓̌a̴͕̮͑̐̈́ ̷̢̰̟̀̒̈́͠b̶͕̎̂͊̊͗i̸̹̓͗͗͋b̴̘̺̰͔͉̏̓͂̕͘ė̶̢͖͚͍̌̊͜n̸̟̘̐͒̄ͅd̷̹u̶̠͎̫͂̈́͒͜m̵̟̩͆̅͊͜ ̸̦̭̩̖͙͝u̷̫̯͇͆̿̄̑̅t̸̰̲̲̿̐͂.̵̥͉͓͆̾͑̾͐ ̸͇̗͉̈́̄͐S̷̢͑̅̒͠u̴̞͒͑̓s̴̰͙͐̅̐̒ͅp̸͕̊̊͌̀é̴̠͈͔̺̿̉ṉ̶̜͈̔͛̿d̵̨̹̣̽͑̊i̸̢̡͚̍̋͘s̷͕̈́̉̚s̵̛̳̽́ê̵̹̜̑̃̇ ̵̨̱̺̜͗͋ͅp̶̙͖͚̠̳̐̋̈̂̉ȯ̸͙͈̖͈̃̎͌ṭ̷̯̰̤̃̈́̿͜͝ȩ̵̥͓̹̈́̐͊͘n̸͓̭͈̪̝̅̋̓͠ṭ̸͔̔̚͜͜i̴̧͕͉̜͛̈́̃̋̕.̷̡̡̻͔̈́͛̑ ̴̨͛M̷̛͕̠̍̈o̸͓͐̽͗̆͠r̷͎̪̮̫͋̌̿̓ḃ̵̫̣͈͚̇į̵̣̱̮͚̏̏ ̷̹̔̒v̶̯̥͒̋̂̈́̓ù̵̥̠̩͇͋̍l̷̞͖͈̤̮̅͌p̵̬̾͝u̴̡̧̯͎͓͆t̸̟̩̔̑͝a̸̢͕͎̼̥̅̔̚͠ẗ̸̘̱͕́͛͗̈́̉͜ͅê̷͈͎ͅ ̴̻̳͖͑̍s̵̢͋̏͗c̴̡̪̯͎͎͂̄͆̿e̸͇̬̹͌l̶̞̹̱̺̣̇e̶̳͕r̷̺̲̆̚į̵̢͖̘͒s̸̱̠̪͎̜̃q̷̥̲̯͕͒͊̐͊͋u̸͈̪͕̐̂̈́̚e̸̾͜ ̴͉́͗ͅf̶̧͚̾̊͘͠r̵̥̾̿͌̾į̷͉͕̑̉̎͆̽n̵͎͇̈́g̴̭̹̹̔i̵͈͍̬̼͋́l̶̼͉̎͗́͜ͅͅḻ̸̡̭͈̗̅̈́̑̂à̶̛̞̤̞̮̎̕͝.̵̠̜̜̓̒́̕ ̸̡͛͌A̷̢̬̞̻̒̑͂̚e̷̺͈̠̹͋̇͐͠ͅṇ̸̤̫̺͗̈͠ͅe̷͔̭̰̭͆̒ͅǎ̵͎̼n̷̨̝̤̊͆͒̏͜ ̵̫̘̼̅a̸̘͔̥̝̬͐̓͋̾͝c̴̼̜̘̰̑ ̷͍̤͑̈́͝h̷̺̰̥͒̅̆ë̶̺̠́̌̔n̸̨̢̢͓̄͗̌̔ḑ̴͚̼͒͜ȑ̷̰͇̭̘̣̆ē̸͇̈́̉̚͠ͅř̵̡̢̲́̕ï̸͍̤̘͓̆̿̽t̶͔̑̓ ̷͇̙͎̥̇̄n̷̜̤͔͚͉̉i̸̥̯̺̗̠͗̍͘ṡ̸̲̱i̴̡̞̙͉͌̕.̷̫̙̖̲͐̕ ̵̧̹̽̓̌͘͠S̵̗̈́̃̒u̷̙̔̚s̵̡̡̺̜͈͐̎̕p̸̛̭̲̑͒ë̸̻͇͇͘n̷̫̏̍̆̈́̇d̶̞̿̏͝ī̷̧̺̦̘̥͝s̸̺͒͑̃̒͜͝s̸͚̏̎͘͠e̴̬͑͂̍̏̋ͅ ̶̨̠̂͝ṩ̶͖̭̲̋̒̌ĭ̶̛̜̫̱͙͇̏̽t̴͇̺̠͔̝̐͊̐̈́͆ ̴̥͈̰̋a̸͈̣̤͙̥̔̔͑͊͋m̸͓̳͙͆̓̽̄͐ȩ̸̒͗̈͊t̸͚͍̃̿̇ ̸̟̞̟̤͓͌͐̐̈͒d̷̙̣̰͚̫̿u̶͚͖̝̔̑ï̷͈͚̹͐̾͘͜ ̶̢̝͖̠̑͐̔͘͝d̸̦̼͔͋͐̽ā̶̧̮̳̟̫͒̔p̴̳̬̙̔͝ị̴̘̇̿b̴̠̲̫͔̂͊̌͝u̸̹͚̙̙͊̽̀̚ͅs̷̖͍̽̓́,̵̳͎̈́ ̵̠̈c̵͍͓͖̝͗̌̕ȯ̶̡̫͍̣̲͝n̵̨̪̈́͋͆͑s̵̙̆̀e̸̯͓̱̫͋̃͝q̸͇̑̄̾̚ũ̵͚͚̳̅̆̏̄a̵͎̗͛̄̍t̷̪͕͒ ̶̧̖͖̄̓̓ȩ̶̪̏ŗ̴̟̞̳͗͒̄̌õ̴̡͝s̴̥͓̐̓ ̴̡̥̗͓̑a̶͙͕̽̈́͗͘,̵̡̺͙͎̯͗͋ ̸̜̺̼͒p̴̛̥͈̠͇͗ͅo̵͖͔̠̕s̴̠̦̓̏͋̃̄͜͜ü̴̻͠e̶̞̺͔̩̓̄͑̐͐r̸̢̧͍͓̉̆͠ě̴̦̘̳̘̙̈́̽̌̎ ̵̞̪̃͌u̷̪̠͔̙̜͆̔̃̔͝ȓ̷̻̙͝ń̷͔̄a̷̳̮̻̖̯̿̿̏̚̕.̴̮̞̏̾ ̴̻͔̥͋̀͗P̴̢̺̜͇̮͛̇͌̚͝r̷͇̟̐̐̓̚͝ǫ̶̥̳̯̩͑i̸̘̬͇͕͆͂n̷͚̰̓ ̶͓͎̬̿͋a̷̝̱͈͋̕̕t̵͓͖͚̉ ̷̺͎̝͔̲̂̊u̶̟̦̓̇͛̌̒ļ̴̗͛̅̃̆̍t̶̯̟̩̲̋̄̌͜͝r̸̬̪̳͙̦̀͠ȋ̶̛͇̰̄̆ć̶̡͔̙̘͉í̷̘͚͒̌̚e̶̖̮̭̍̌̃̋s̷̗̏͠ ̴͓̤͎̤̺͊̈́̐e̷̱̤̭̐̓̓x̶̯͈̱͐̃͛͆̍͜,̸̟̱͙͎͍͂̍͘ ̶̺̿̕ą̸̹̬̻͗̈́̋͘ ̸̧̖̬͈̹̇̃̚ḛ̵̙̲̦̗̚g̴̼̯̽̈̐ę̵̢̛͎̖͊͊s̴̭̜̞̀̓̕͝ţ̸͌a̴̰̝̝̍̒̚ś̸̼͛̇͒ ̵̞͋͋è̷̛̪͑̑̒r̶̨͔̈́̉͒a̸͔͈̼̙̺͊͌t̵̡͕̱̺̥͌̂̃.̵̧̞̭͕̀̇ ̶̨͎̓̉͌D̵̡̛͕͍̺͗́̕͠o̸̢̬̼͗́ṉ̵͋̐͌̕͘ē̶̻̗ḉ̵̞̭̋͋ ̷̺̈̚ǹ̷͕͇̤̌̆̆͜͝u̷̗̮̥͂ǹ̷̩̠̻͎̇́̕͝c̸̙̬̞̈̊̋͊̚ ̸̥͉́m̷̝͎̬̌̉̏́ä̴̘̘͕͇́͊̏s̴̲͑̔̆͑s̸͇͇͓̠͐͊̽ą̴͎͙̦͕̈̂̕,̵̝͗ ̸̪̆̒d̵͍͎̀å̵͍͇̑͑͋͝p̵̼̾͜i̶̺̹͠ͅb̴̞̣̆̿͛̕ũ̴̻̱̻š̴̡̰͜ ̶͇̖̰͚̊͊̎n̷͇͍̭̹͒̄͂͘e̸̮͊c̷̡͖͑̍ ̸̝̮̗̃̃l̴͍͒́̓̒͠ä̶̰́c̶͎̰͒͆͜ḯ̸͙̈́͠ͅn̴̡̠̊́̾̐̅i̵̼̘̺̓a̶̧̙̍̎͗̕̕ ̷̧̻̖̕e̷̪͆̊͒g̷̻̪̟̎e̶̡̪͍͇̣͝t̶̛̝̼̜̆̈́͘,̵͔͕͎̆̑̽̂̚ ̷̨̨̻̟̮̆̋̓̕ŭ̴͉̀l̶̞͕͉̤̗͐t̴̯̪͛̓̆r̸͉͍͇͑̑͛̄̕i̷̪̣̎̓̏c̴͔̭̪̩̙̊̄̂í̸̢̛͎͗͂è̷̥͘ṡ̸̞̙ ̷͈̟̝̾ͅn̶̝͙̦̺͐̾ẽ̸̻̖̰̿̾̊͑ͅc̷̨̛̯̺̪̖̈ ̸̞̰̈́̃̕̕n̷̒͠ͅe̶̛͖̝̼̾̀q̷̣̼͋̔̾̅ư̸̠̽è̵͇̓͘.̷͓̥̜͊̒ ̷̭̦͓̬̦̄̾̇̈̚M̴̲̋̈́̎̊̽ą̸̜̩̣̬̋̄͒e̶͚̘̅͗c̵̨̻͉̻̺̓̀̓̔̍e̸̼̙̜̫͑͘n̵͖̭͓͒̌̅̉ȁ̸̛͔̈́̕s̷̢̨̺͎͛ ̸̟̝̤̮͒̈͌͑͐f̴̛̮̪̹̼̍͆͂r̵̫͖̖͝ḭ̶͈̩͗̿̉̑n̵̡̜͖̲̊̈̚g̴̖̥̪̥̱̈́̔͛͗̽i̶̼̗͗̄̒͠l̸̫͍͐͂l̴̟̻̰͑a̵̘̥̮̪̣̔͆̂ ̶͙̖̜̅̓̇̑m̷̦̱̝̍i̶̡͈̇͆̄̓͊ ̸̟̎̓͋̃ạ̷̧̜͛͌͜ ̶̮̺̅͑͌r̷̼͓͔͔̅̄͆̃͂i̴̠͕͕͖͕͒͠š̵̤̟̱̈́͠ủ̴̪̦͂s̸̺͖̮͚͑̓͊ ̴̥̟̑d̸̠̮̏͐a̶̫̣̾p̴̜͓̫̐͜i̸͈̱̱͎̓b̵̯̗̮̼͙͂̏ũ̷̳͍̹̿̚̕ͅs̷̨̮̪̠̫̀,̴͚̲̾̌ ̵̞̥̭̒̈́͑̚̕ͅu̶͓̫̞͈̔̔ẗ̷̨̘́̋͒̂͒͜ ̸͇̍̔͝ṿ̶̌̇ĕ̵̪̳͕ͅḫ̵̰̘̀̓i̴̺̗͛͘͠c̷̡̰̄̚û̵̬͌̂̚l̸̤̇̄̂a̵̙̰̙͕̤̓ ̸̨̣̱̠̠̔̐͋́ņ̷̮̤͙̞̋͂̅u̷͚͍͓̞̒̑͠n̶̫̭̣̘̥̔̔͗̃͝c̷̖͑̆̔͝͝ ̵͓́͗a̵̼̳̮͌͛̏̔c̸̩̪̬̃͛̿̂̓č̷̱̝̫͝ȕ̵͍͇͎̗͈̃͂̕m̶̨͆͝ś̵͔̝ͅą̶͔̩̺̉͐̀n̵̢͈͚̟̰̄̃͘͠.̷̛̖̤̾̉̉̃ ̵̼̫̹́͜Ȉ̵͚͆̓̉n̵̡̺͂͐͑̓͠ ̶̢͕̻̝̜̊̄a̷͇̭̯͠ ̴̮̰̪̑̓͑̕s̶̤̏̓̋̒a̵̢̖̥̼̫͗̈́̅́͛g̵̮͐̓i̷͓͈̩̞͝t̴̯̩͖̃̌̊t̶͇͕͂̈̾i̵͖͈͗̈́s̴̼̦̩̠̚ ̴̫̭̻͊͒̌͗̋e̵͎ṋ̴̝͉͓̐͌͐̈́̕i̷͇̞̜͂m̶̪͉̰̓.̶̂̓̐

̵̣̪͇͆̓̀̇̚S̸̮̓e̶̘̖̜̟̽̇d̶͔̿̉ ̷̛̩̟̙̣͜͠c̸̨̼̻̤͑̈̔͘͠o̴̡̟͗ǹ̴̘̪͗̚d̷͕͎̼͇̬͊͛̚i̶̟̹̻͂̈́̐̉͘m̴͙͖̱̥̱̎͆̓̈́e̶̻̠͇͛͒̀n̵̡͇̟̉̔̆͝ͅt̷̰̪͂̈́ư̸͎̣̺̓͗m̸̡̳͍͋̅̉͠ ̵̨̙̠̯͂͒͆̋̓ā̵̢̊̕ŕ̸͇͕͍̪̃͊̈́͝ͅc̴͔̥͇͂͐͠ų̸̖̗̎ ̸̰͛̐l̶̢̧̯̙͒i̵͈͌g̵̥̲̽ṷ̸͙̉̀͗ľ̵͎̯͖͈̗a̵̹̓͝͝,̶̟͙͛ ̴̢̳͕̪̇͜ǎ̷̉ͅẗ̵̖̤́̔ ̶̡̱̪͗̈́͊̎r̶̨͉̘̭͂͛h̵̲̱̞͈̲́͝ō̷̧̳̜̂̾̅ň̷͕̇̓č̷̠͚u̸̖͎͔͌͆̅s̵͔̈́͗̇̈́͊ ̶͎̳̊́̿͠t̸̛͚̳̝̰̥̄̎̆̍u̶̺̙̲̟̿͊͂̽͋r̴̢̟͚͖̞͆̈́͛̏p̷̳̘̘̗̯̋i̸̫͎͙̥͆̈́̈́͆̍ŝ̵̘͙̘̥͘͝ ̷̓͜p̸̢̘̓͆͋̐l̵̦̔̔̌͌̈́a̷̱̻͈̓̈̊ͅc̷̱̯̼̣̰͗e̸̮̬̽̀̊̎r̷̳̹̯̃̇͜͝ä̵̫̻́͝t̸͎̎ ̷̹͉̌ȉ̵͈̰̎̉̌̈́d̵̪̉.̴̱̪̖̱͋ ̵̨̻̙̩͓̾̓̔͠͝C̵̺̯̈́͐͂͐ͅr̴͉̰̬͚̂̏a̶̧͙̥̮̱̽̑͝͝s̴͕͇̈́ ̵̩̲̣̬͓͌̋c̵̢̠̰̒̑̈́͋u̸̼͒̋̔̕r̴̫̭͍̫̦̀͒͒̓̕ş̴̤̱̦͊̂͂͜ŭ̷̟s̴̻̠̱̋̉̊̃̂ ̷̯͉͈̉̇̎̆f̸̣̾̇e̶͖̦͑͗͜ŗ̵̝͍̄͑͐̅̋m̵̮̌͂̾̕͜e̸͍̘̱̐̉n̷̤͚̜̯̬̑͝t̸̨̘̝͉̤͌u̴̮̇m̵̺͎͕̈́̾̂ ̸͗̎ͅj̶͉̥͆̎͂ǘ̵̟͚̝̆̾̋̃ṡ̶̮̖͔͎͜t̴̼͂̃̆̔ő̴̺̦̀̌̏ ̵̨s̵͍̪̪̗̲̿̇̍i̸̼͂t̷̘́̕ ̸̪̩͈̐͂̈́͘͠ą̵̥̽̓͂̚͜m̶̫̌͂̓̕͝e̶̪̗̯̼̒ț̴͍̜̙̟̈́̋ ̵͔̰̊̍ṽ̵̫̼̦̭̅̈́ạ̸̛̺͎͗͌ͅr̷̢̳͓̈̆͌ỉ̶̡̘̪̭̏̈́͂̀ǘ̴̡͔̰̲̹̽s̷̙̔.̵̻̗͊ ̸̧̹̠̲͗͆̏͌͜͠Ả̶͚͒e̷̢͕̱͇̚n̷̬͖̋̓̉̅̀e̴̺̹̭͍̖̒̈́͒a̵̞̒͋̈́͋ͅn̸̮̲̙̣̖͠ ̶̨̨̦̮͆͆̽̍͜a̸͍̬̺͎̿̑ ̸̪͊̉͒̏̿n̶͈̼̭̑̈́̓̚͠e̸̡̓q̵̧̨̦̜͘u̷̙͑͋͌͆̾e̵̢̢͕̘͑̀͛͘͝ ̶̥͈̉͛̕̚̕q̶̦̭̩̪̫̂̑͗͒͊u̴̲̻̦̒́͝a̴̪͛͑͠m̶͇̥̋̏.̵̫̜́̽ ̶̧̬̥͇̰̎̊͊C̵̼̲͑͑̎̇r̶̡̛͈͉͖̣͌̓͌a̶͎̼̿͌͝͝ś̴̛̱̙͔̅͛ ̷̝̳͗͊ͅs̴̱̲̆̚i̵͓͓̯͝͝ț̸̫̱͙̞̑ ̴̝͓̌̀̽͝ä̸̫̹̳̥́͗̒m̴͎̩͊͆e̴͇̻̞̟̩̅͗̊̓t̴̨̾͐͝ ̴̮̤̳̄̉f̴͓̹͕̒̈́͜r̶̳̳̆̇̀î̵͙̣̻̦n̷̡̘̍g̴̲̈́̈̎̋ͅï̸̧̟̲͈̥̚l̶̨̳͓̇̔̑̈̑l̷̩͉͈͍a̵̜͍͇͇̠͒ ̴̜̖͒̐͋̈́͛n̸͓͚͐͌į̵̨̭̊̿͆b̸̧͖̗̓͒͝h̴̭̜̟̟͍̄͝,̷̡͚̹͉̣̑̊̊ ̴̧̦̘̥̒͌v̷̧͖̄̈e̴̳̼̿̽̿͘̚l̷̛͎̂ ̵͓̃̈́l̸̠̟̼͔̐̔͝ư̶̤̟̟̱̼͒̉͑̕c̶̛̫̝̦͒͂̔̎͜ẗ̷̡͓̖͚͎͗̇ư̸̰̯͒̈s̵̲̔͊ ̸̟͚̱͂̚͝f̶̖͚͖̻͊͂͌͠è̴̩͐̒̿́ͅl̵̖̠̘̘̼̎͂ĩ̶̞̪́͝ͅs̴̞̠͐̆͑̊͠.̶̛̟̩̓͂̿ ̶̹̠̙̤̅̑̅̽̈́P̴͚̊̔͗̕r̶̨͖̞͉͒̉͘͜a̴̟̪͇̼̓̅ͅe̶̡̹̟̎̆s̴͍̪̻̔̈͛̈́̚ĕ̵̥̟̬̟͙̐̌̓͠ņ̶̞̻̭̿̉ť̸̻̞̼̱ ̸͈͑̆ş̶̫̻̣̗͠c̵̖̥̹͇̗ę̸̮́̈͑͜l̷̦͍̭̦̖͂̄ẻ̵̦̱̘̳͛r̴̦̓̍̊͠i̴̪̪̮͑͌̈́s̸̖͖̗͋̔͘q̶̧̩͎̼͂͘u̴͇̣̣̟̇̿͘e̶̤̜̭͓̹̋̒̕ ̸͉͆̒̈́̾̀ę̵͕̫́͠ş̴̂͝ţ̸̝͔͊̓͗̌ͅͅ ̸͔̬̤̈́v̶̠̳͇̓͑̏̚i̸̹͓̠̒t̵̙̩͐͛̂̎a̵̩̮̼͚̋͋̉̿̚͜ȅ̵̛̱̆̽ ̷̮̘͖̜̹̓͐̃͠m̶̧̹̳̮̎̐́͂͜a̶̪̥̤̽͆͐̊s̸̡̡͔̣̾̕ś̴̢̡͖̥͐͜a̴̰͙͌́̐̾͛ ̵̟͎͖̥̔͆̂ė̸̢̟͖̱͗l̶̰̳̱͉͑̓ē̵̯̘͉͚̾m̷͈̲̒͋̋͂ę̷̨̘̓n̵̳̥̹͕̊t̵̺̳̖̍̚͝͠u̶͎̼̠̭͑̅̓̈́̕m̸̢̭͇̈ ̷̯͚̖̞͝c̶̻̆̾̇͘ö̷͓̂̌n̷̨͕͕̻̺̆͑̌̕d̶͎̘̣͙̞͆͘i̷̬̅̽̔m̶̡̛̮̪̠̙̊̾̚ẽ̵͚̎̕͝n̵̖̯̜̝͑̀t̵̼̏̈́͌u̶̲̳͇̖̙͋̏͑̌͝m̵̟̳̓.̵̱̮̫̑̓͊͝ ̸̤͖͆͘̕͜V̴̠̘̓͆i̸̟͐͛̓v̴̘͒a̷̢̫͔̣̓͒m̷̩̺̀̈́̇ǔ̷̩͕̔s̶̥̙͕̃̽̌ͅ ̴̨͎̳͕̓͂̔̍̈́á̵̢̪̪̠̇͊͛͐ṷ̶̙̏g̶̥̺͉͙͎͗ũ̷̧̩̹͗͐̊͒ͅȩ̸̗̹̜̩͆̊̉̎̚ ̶̫̈́́͠e̸̼̅̍r̴̖͝ỏ̶̦̙s̴̫͌̊̇͗,̵̹̪͎̞̎̇ ̴̗͇̠̜̠̈́̌̚u̸͙̽̈́̃̂l̵̡̠̅ţ̷̟̹͍̓̍̆͜r̴̪͊͛i̷̮͈̅c̴̢̣̫̪͋̽̎̃ę̴̠̱̹́s̵̝͈̺͐̐͛̚ͅ ̷͖̦̏̍s̶̭͉̮̻̪̿̑͊͒̆i̸̪̮̽́̎ṭ̵͓̦̝̂ ̴̱̲̼͎̓͛̏ã̷̡̛̪͇͚̰͑̒m̵̰̥̳͈̝͒̌̀ȩ̸̱̝͓̂͠ţ̸͉͇̦̜̒ ̴͎̋̀̇̑f̴̨̫͉̹̈ǎ̷͈̫ç̴̮̈́͐į̶͚̻̪̳̈́ḷ̷̨̘̬̕i̵͖̪̻̤͒̓̏̕͠ŝ̷̢̠͑̾̊i̴͍s̶̡̋̿͐̐͑ ̴̫̳͂̋̈́̂͝ḁ̶̧̥̬̇,̷̢̘̺͙͙̒̏ ̵̟̤͖͖͙̓͂̒̈̈́v̷̛͖͚̚ě̶̱̣͘n̴̟̓ė̷̤̳̬̳̲͊͂͆ṅ̷̮̤͔̙͕͝ã̴̠͚͈͜͜ṱ̵̡̦̑͛͜ì̸͓̗̔̚s̶̰͈͂̈́̓̑̚ ̸̟̌̅̾a̵̹̘̐̽̊̓͝ ̶̗͊̿̇̚n̸̦̰̬̖͈͗͑̕͝e̸͕̣̲̖̾̔̕q̷̛̰̻̘̟̋ṷ̵̻͈͎͕͂̃̈́e̷̹͒̍͂́̿.̶̛̞̗͚͍ ̷͓̮̺͋N̴̜̜̞͐̊̅̑͝ą̴̝̱̠̗́̀̈͗m̵̤͍̙̈̈̉͠ ̵̠͈̗̊̎̋̈́̚ḋ̴͉̦̰͑i̷̘͉̼̦͊͛͊͘͜g̶̡̤̮̯͖͝n̷͕̘̺̯̓͒̿̎͛ḯ̷̧̞͓͙̍͝ṣ̸̩̗̓̃̆͝ş̵͇̭͎͇̓̉̀i̷̥͔̰͆̈́̀͌m̸̺͚̲͗̾̈́ ̷̞̗̲̑̈̆͜͝i̸̪͕̯̬͗͌̎̎ņ̵̝̗̽̊̆̔̚ţ̸̧̠͐ę̴̃̄͆̿ř̴̪̀̒͠d̴̟̫̦̮̍̃ͅű̵̹͖̳̲̄̃̓͝m̶̧͉͚̾̈́ ̵͙͐͆̽̕n̸̢͖̖͕̓ủ̶̻̌̓n̷̜̬̻͌̍̃̈́͝c̴̹͗̃̍͜,̸͍̭̣̋̇̈ ̸̢̰̞͕͚̀̆͒̑͝ȩ̵̥̼͈͝u̵̡͖͉̒͐̊͛ ̶̠̩̤͍̾͝͝ŗ̵̨͎̋͛̓̕h̸͇̥͈͚͋͐͂o̸͙̯̒n̴͈̬̤̺̮̏́̋͊ć̶̮ṳ̶̤̬̯̣̿s̴͇̫̅̓ ̶͎̤̪̗̍m̷̯̙̈́̎͌̓͘ȃ̵͖̯̔͜u̴̲̰̣̔̔̌̕r̶̥͖̭̣̮͐̈́̋̀͝ỉ̶̭̜̤̓̕̕͜s̸̨̤̻̿͊̎̎̈ ̸͍̹̮̜͐p̷͔͎̃̔̾͜o̶̢͉ͅr̴̼̥͎͉̅̓̄̅̚ṱ̸̌̅͜a̷̭͇̮͒͌͗ ̶̳͕̹̦̲͛̑̐̊͂e̶͎̞͗̽͆ư̸͍̲͝.̶̞̰̼̉͌̇͂ ̶̠̈́͆P̷̙̲̼̞̿è̶̺͖͉̈͠l̶̢̖͉͖̈́͊͂l̴͇̹̩̳̏̾̾e̸͍̹̙͆͂̋͌͛n̸̨̰̫̲̓͊t̸̞͕̹̿͛͊̔͘ȅ̶͓̙̾̽͝ŝ̸̗̤̤͋̌̄q̴̥̤͐̉ư̶̖͙͚̤̈́͒͝e̴̜̖͉̘͕ ̷̗̼̯̦͐̕ḣ̸̳̱͓̇͝ͅa̸̜̰̜̘̰̾̆̇́̃b̵̫̥̟͍͆̌̌̒i̴̠̤̹̞̿̇̿̇ţ̶̙̲̟̯̑͒̌̅͂ạ̴̗́̈́ͅn̸̲̏̓̊͝ẗ̸̛̪͖̣͔́̈́̾ ̶̥̅̋̄̅̓m̵̡͔̤͇͛́̅͌͠ó̵̖r̷̺͉̬̕b̶̨̮̜͑̕͠ǐ̸̛̞̔͜ ̵̙̆t̸̙̣̳̂̍̇r̸̯̼̺̿i̵̱̜̳̙̤͂͑̾̃̕s̸͓̓͆̇̇t̴͈̪̱̳̖͆̑̈́̈́i̵̥͔̍̆̚q̴̢̧͓̱̹͒̑̊̌̓ü̵̢͍̉͘ę̶̢̰̠̘̈́̒̀̚ ̷̘̊͗̋̿ś̴͔̭e̷̲̰͗͋͌̈͘n̶̡͎̍̿̽̋e̷͇̮̅́̋c̴̡̃t̷̨̛͆͗̓̈́ų̴̡̳͉͂ş̶̫͖̌́ ̴̪͝ē̵͊͝ͅt̵̞͗̒̂ ̵̺̣̋̈̐n̶͈̰̬̓͐̋e̸͚̙̦͔̔̊͘t̶̢͙̻̖̯͗͘ǘ̶̢̢̡̫̝s̵̢̜̲̄̔͐͆ ̷̧̧̍̾̓ͅę̴͚̝͇̈t̵̮̃̿͑ ̴̺̊͊͜͝m̵̦̪̜̂̔͐̚͜ā̴͍̺̼͙̬̎͆͂l̷̠̬̯̓e̸͓͚̺̮͑̒s̶̱̺̞͕̅̓̂͜͠ű̶̕͜ą̵̺̞̜̫͌̓ḑ̴̳̫͎͔͋̊͑̅ã̶̺̱̯͂̍ ̵̟͉̘̇f̶̳̩͓̲̅͊̃̓̚ȃ̶͓̬͙̝̑̚m̸͓̟̟͖͂̂̑͘e̷͍͈̜̦̍̄͆s̵͙͗ ̴̬̮̇̃͑ͅa̴͚̖͂͋͂͒c̸̻͍̟͉̹̎̌ ̶̱͠ţ̶̭̉͌̔̇ú̵͉͐̒r̴̻̝̙̻̆̔p̷͕̈̀i̸͔͖̰̣̹̓͑̈́̃͌s̴̖̦̯̾̓̒̎͠ ̸̣̔̐̍̎ẻ̴͕͚̗̏̈́̑g̵̥̯͙͉͚͊ê̵͕̖̗̗͋͛ș̶̣̲̘̏̌̇̚͜t̷͓͒ȁ̸͕s̸̫͈̿̆̃͆͜.̶̯̳̟̔̕ ̵̡̡̫̾͋͛̍̍F̵̡̧̮͋̏ủ̸̖̜̼̈́s̸̢̗͎͍̖̄͂̒͝c̸͙̤͍̑̇e̶͖̽͌̈́͠ ̶̼̬̺̎f̷̼̯͔̣̼͂͂ḁ̵͑u̶̫͍̣̕c̸̢̡̣̆͊̈́i̸̙̞͕͛̐b̸̜̣̃͐̔u̴̺͑̉š̵̫͍̲͒ ̴̖̦̗̇̆̅͝d̶̢̯̻̭̦͂́̌̓͌á̶̯̪̭̉p̸͉͖̄̈́̕ī̴̖̱̭̎̈̏͜b̶̢̛͉̠̱̬̏̊͝u̶̻̤͍͗͜ͅs̴͚͎̘̪͌̂̓̈́͘ ̸̠͈̦̱͇̄̉̍̏̏a̴̡̫͙̭͛̆̈͘c̴̮̻͆c̸̭̹̄̽ǘ̴̪̠̤̜͊̒̽m̷̘̙̟̱̖̈́̔͊̿s̷̰̎a̶̟͑n̴̳̙͒̾.̴͕̖͈̗͋̊ ̵̹̩͈̈́Ạ̶̩̞̌͐̃̑̈ļ̸̩̖̠͒̋ͅḭ̶͉͕̑̔̿q̵̪͍̹̱̂̍ư̸̳̝͖̒͂͂̍a̷̢̢̗̫̘̐̃̅m̴͔̩͔̽ ̷̻̳̆c̵̪͂̃o̵̥͖̘͎͂m̸̻͎̭̲͙̒͐̏̄̂m̷̗̼͈̭̞̾̄̉o̵̯̦̩͐̆̿̔̂d̴̡̗̈́͠o̴͙̩͑̇͐̓ ̶͚̂͛̍͝s̵̡̯̮̅̍e̴͎̬̯̔̎́̾̚d̵̺̱̼͖̣͌̓ ̴̨̻͒e̸͖̜͈͐͝s̸̬̣͊ẗ̵̨̜̹̮̣́̎͑ ̶̬͔̯̮̟ȩ̶͉̯͎͒͛̈u̸̲͙̳̻̐͒̕͘ ̵͍̚v̸̜̙̥̯͇̍͆̇e̴͔̯̳̪̓̏͠n̷͍̪̉͑̃͌̕ë̵̜̺̤͓̩n̴̮̩̼͙̋͛́̀̚a̶̢̲̬̻̋̽͌̾t̶̠͎̭͚͂̽͂͋͐ĩ̸̜͒͗͋s̶̛̼̿͐.̵̧̹̔͂̎ ̵̝̿̑̓͗̌C̵̡̬͌͊͌͘u̷̗̽ȓ̴̨̨̬͚̕͝á̴̺̉̐͝b̵̢͕̳͇̈́͆͑͑͂ḯ̶̡͖̓̍͑t̴͚͙̕͜ṵ̴̧͒̈́͝ř̷̢̠͊ ̶͓̫̤͊̋ä̶̛̰̗͕̼͙́l̶̗̠͝i̸̢̡̒̏̑͑͐q̶̨͍̙͓͙̾̍͗̕͝u̶̖̗͒̇̑̒̈́ḙ̵̡̼̠̐̀t̷̛̖̋̐͑,̴̖̋̅ ̷̰̮̠̣̄̄̀̐e̶̢͑̂́͝ṛ̶̫͆̓ả̴̛̰̓͛ṯ̴̑́̑͗̚ ̸̰͙̆̄̌̚͝a̷̢̋̍͌͠ṱ̸̘͚̔̑͗͠ ̵̙̩̎̇̀̕ͅm̵͖͖̱̮̅̒̉͘͝a̵̡̛͎̼͎͂̈̌̈́ͅx̵̪̟͂̇i̷̡̯̗͇͛m̸͖̔͊̈́̏u̷͍̠͖̿͂̾͗̇s̷̮̗̑̐̀͒ ̸͙̘̻̤̊͛͗̈̕ė̷̥̂̋̓g̶̱͚̐̐̽̚e̵̢̢͔̤͗̈́̏š̴̹͇̪͇̌̔̃͆͜t̵̡̢̳̬̲̆̈́a̴̒͛̔̋͘ͅs̵̻̪̩͑͠,̴̙̈ ̷̘̟̩̇̒̕͝n̶̰̐̾̓͆͠u̵̢̘͓̩͎̾l̷̼̤̪͆ͅḽ̷̢̑͌̃a̴̢̜̱͐͗͗͘ ̷̢͗̔̅͜ļ̶̬̜̼̗͑ḯ̸̲b̸̛͕̙͍̬̞̾̃̓̿e̸̢̞̤̎̌r̸͕͔̣̯̮͂͆͝ȍ̸̝̈ ̷̲̞̫̅̌a̸̡̫̞̘̟̐̀͐̈́c̶̰̟̦͐̊̾͑̚ͅç̷̈̆̄͂̏ư̶̛̛̭͍̟͕͑͗m̶̤̣̙̈́ṣ̷̨̛̙̥̹̒ą̵̮̇̌́n̸͇̰͔̭̯̓̕͝ ̶͍̘͚̹̾̇͆̂ȃ̵̜̻̜r̵̙̀͒ċ̴̲͈̜̙̔̏͗̓u̷̪̒͜,̴̺͚̣͙͚͊͆͂ ̴̨̛̹̗̳͌̐͠e̷̡̛͉̠͛̓̾̑͜u̸̝̎ ̴͕̱̹̬̾̓͑t̸̹̹͙̹̎͋e̸̻̐ṁ̸̠͖̭̺̍p̵̟͓̊̍̂͒̚ợ̸͆̔ȑ̴͓̌̌ ̵͙̯̪̣̟̓͒̒v̵̛̖̬̬͉̾e̷͕̠̱͒͂̽̕ḷ̴̯̉̈́̚͝ỉ̸̟̘̍̓̉͊ț̵̩̗̾̄͂͘͘ ̴̙̰͍̑n̵̡̧͚̜̠̄u̶͔͍͇͇̻̓n̵̡̰̺̣̈́̓̀ċ̷͎̻̱ ̸̢̪̂̈́͜s̷̡͇̊e̶̢͍̳̩͊͊͋͜d̵͈̱̖͍͚̔̿ ̷̰̀͑͆̃̚ë̴͚̹̳̥̳͂ľ̶͚͍̍ͅǐ̷̥̠̖̝̉̈́̅ţ̵͎̹̐̓̈́̉͂.̸̥͂̓̎ ̵̧͙͙̤͔͊̊D̸̢̞͖̒̄͒̃͒o̵̯͙̘͉͘n̴̪͓̩̥̓̿́͠ę̶̣̞͐̒ͅc̵̙̻̜̄̌́̕ ̶̨̣͙̫̈́ȁ̶̞̰͇̗̲͝l̷̨̯̫͑̊į̸̯̰͐̃q̴̨̙̑͊ǘ̶̧̯̋̒̽͒a̶̯̠̲̯̅͊ͅm̶͓̖̖̺̥,̶̧̞̬̲̭͝ ̴̩̖̺͑̾l̷̛̗̬̳̻̪͋͐̎a̴͉̬̣̋c̸͈͓̦̅͛͒̉u̷͚̳̍̓s̷̘̏̒̎ ̴͚̪̈́a̵̢̲̙̭̍̌̇͑̀ ̸͙̮̩̺̇̄͘͜s̶̢̻͔͗̏͒̈̾ȧ̴̪͋g̷͙͚̩̿ǐ̶͇͇͙̺̑̈́͆t̶͈̖͍̍ţ̴̗̼̪̔͋̑ĭ̵̱͔̼s̴̱̺͚͎̔̽ ̴̬̻͓̆̎͌͘͝ę̵̠̥̓͛̊͛͝ḻ̴̪̑̎̕e̵͔̘̜̪̻͗̇͗m̵̡͑̐̎͌ę̷̖̻͚̇n̵̡̖͕̍t̶̼͇̯̳̐̀̌̾̕ͅu̸̺͉͌͘m̶̹̤̳̝̌,̸̙̏ ̸͇̰̔̌̽̉͝s̷̨͉͌̏ā̷̢̧̘͆͜p̵͉͈̦̖̼̓̓̉́͝i̶̖̙̔̄̾͌̚ę̸͔̃͑͌n̵̨̤͛̄̃̈́ ̵̝̓͐n̴̨̥̣͓͒͑i̶̜͑̋s̸̛͖̖ḻ̶̓̎͂͂̕ ̸̩̺͓̓̆̔̚͠ĉ̴̫̹̈́̍̀͝ơ̸̗̼̳̣̰̆̆̑n̶̻͓̹͉͂̐ͅs̴̫̩̪̘͉̀͊͑e̸̘̥̝̐̕c̸̭̼̻̪͐́̄͝͝t̴͖͠e̸̪̠̿͌̕ẗ̶̛̄ͅu̷͖̣̭̘̐̃r̷̗̭̜͓̱̈́̕̚ ̵̨͍̱̓͛ţ̵͚̰̤̻̊̑̂͗e̴̮̤͆͛̊̄̍l̷̘̥͚̉̊͜ͅl̷̬̪̥̂̅u̴̲̜͔̫͉̿̿̒͠s̵͈̠̻͗̎̇ͅ,̶̢̅ ̶̰̹̺̼̖̓i̶̼̭̘d̵͙̫̈́̿̈́͆̕ ̶̮͚̮̯̋̾̓̚͝p̷̡̛͚̘͗o̷͖̘͇͗s̷͙͉̼̈ū̷̺̤̹̭̘̽͆͋͝ē̷̛̻͔̘̹͖̑r̸̗̈́̍e̵̦͓̿̌̎̓͊ ̶̢̖͕̇͒͂l̸͔̙̙̑ḯ̷͈̳̭̲̞b̶̨͓̙͠ȩ̷̧̹̜̝́̾͊r̵̞̄͜͜͜o̷̘̜̍ ̸̝̼̫̙̓̎̂͑͝ě̴͕͔͍̪n̷̞͓̉̅̍̅̀͜i̴̹̰͕̾͗͋͊͜m̶̳̮̬͂̐ ̸̺̤̒͛̓̌̀e̸͓̣̺̎͛͗͜ǘ̵̪͂̒͌ ̸̛̟͈̾̋͘͠m̴̘͌e̴͍͖̋̊̓̂ṫ̸͕͖̝̻̉͜ṵ̵̦͍͇̅͘ș̵͉̠̟̓̌̈̌͝.̴̨̣̰̓͐̕ ̶̼̪́͛͛͂͑Ḏ̶͍̥̀̿̈̕ơ̷͓͚̊̒ͅn̵͎̋͒̈̚ė̸̢̫͎͕̈̔̎̄c̶̰̍̐ ̸̹͓̔̃̈́f̵͔̞̉̔̊â̷̬͈̤̣̬̚͝c̷̺̟͉̤͝ḭ̷̡͙̼̋͗͗̋l̷̪̙͚̔̉̐̀í̷̻̬̝̼͋s̶̳͇̜̞͋͘͠ḯ̶͖̪͘s̴͕̝̓ ̵͎̱̾ḏ̵͘ǫ̷͋l̶͙͗o̵̹̣͆͋̕r̶̢͔̙͊̆̚͠ ̶̭̠͆̕ͅë̸͕̫̯́r̷̮̜͍̍ͅơ̴͚͇͉̐̈̕ͅş̷̢͛,̷̣̜͍̲̗͘͠ ̸̟̠̰̖̄̒̂d̵̥̘̓͒̉͝a̷̭̭̿̌͌̀p̷̛̦̲͛͠ĩ̶̮̲͙̎̀͒̽b̴̬͐̓u̵̧̹̰̣̓̑s̸̹̞̺̼̓͑͆͘͘ ̴͙́r̴͍̤̫̐͌̆͊h̴̡̩̗͉͍͗o̵̡̥̼͆̄͐͘̕͜ņ̴̬̪̱̖̋c̷͚̄u̴̝̐̃̈͘s̵̹̹̫͂̈́ ̸̦̈́e̵̱͕̫̘̅ř̶͎͕̦̂ô̶̰͋̿͝s̷̰͚͉͌͑ ̸̤͖̺͍̰̔̅̀̈́̉v̸̧͔̜̌͝ȁ̵͈̟̙̞̠̌͝r̷̪̻͕͊͌ͅi̴̟̺͍̪͚̔́̽͒u̵̺̟͕͎̘͋͒͐͝s̵͖̬̹͙͒͛̈́ ̵̛̋̓ͅę̶̠͗̽̿ủ̴͍̲͚͙̿̈́̿͠.̵̙̜̯̳̓͜͝ ̴̡̮̄̍̓N̴̼̙͒͂͛̓̃͜u̵̳̘͙͊̅l̴̖͍͈̫̔̑̕l̸̘̇̂à̸͉͙̳͇̀̂m̵̧͓̰̔͌ ̵̞̻͙̙͘ͅs̴̛̹̤̗̯͊͆̌̕ͅa̴͙̙͓̰̅̈́̽̃̍ḡ̸̛̙̊͆i̵̥̔t̶̼͈̹͆̅̎͠t̵̨̪̹̼̊͒͐̍͜i̸̧̘̭͔͛̆̕s̴͎͈͌̿̿̆ ̶̨̘̭̲̃̿̋ḙ̷̤̺̘͒͠s̷͕͇̓̽͒͝t̸̘̲̎̑ ̷̦̯̥͚̓̈́ë̴̙́ĝ̷̟̉̉͑͝ȩ̴̢̱̗͈̓̃t̷̪͗̈ ̸͙̻̱͇̖̏͒͂͐a̷̦͈͖̎̇̀ř̸͇c̵̝̆̄̑͗͠u̸̥͖͆̔͋ ̸̡̡̡͎̠͗̾̅é̶̢̡̙̓f̷̠̞̃̈́͝f̶̛̻́i̶͔̬̞̼̘̎͗͝c̶͔̹̫͗͂͂ȋ̴̳͔̀t̶̻̘͚̤̑͐͛̿u̴̩͍͗̉̏̆͜͜r̶͉̊̓ ̶̢̤̠͙̃͌̋v̴̛̩̦̼̒̽́ͅỉ̴̫̬͚̩̈́͌̈v̷̢̦̹̤̈̄͂͊e̶̠̲̗̘̝̽͒̓ř̶̛͓̈͆r̴̝̳̺̯͚̈́̄̾̉̚ǎ̶̛̺̆̌̚.̶̦̗̬̠̐̆͌̾̽ ̵̨̤̺̭̊̿͒͝S̷̳̟̳͛̄u̵̪̾̄̑͊̑s̸̝͈̘͆̓p̸͉̉̓̆̍͠ȩ̸͐̓̌n̵̠̪͌d̸̝̮̾͛i̷̪͊s̶̡̛̟͍̄̑͂͠s̵̡̞̭͑e̴̤̋ ̴̧̢̝͐̌̄̎͜s̶̡̪̰͔̺̏̄̿̂ě̵͕̪̟̝̈́d̴̞͙̝̺̔̂̎͘ ̶̢̼̉p̸̩̖͉͊͋r̸͖͕̼̬͎̊̅e̵̩̮̫͌̈́̆ť̴̖͑̌̑͒i̵̢̩̹͆͜͜u̶̢͇̣̲̿͑̑͑͘m̸̛͕̐̂ ̸͚̘͓͈̆̈́̒̅ę̴̦̖̺́̔̌r̴̳̯̣̣̊͆ȏ̵͓̺͕̼̌ş̸̳̖̥̩̆.̷̢̡͖̲̇͌̄ ̵̬̺̞̊P̸̨̹̙͉̈́̎̓̅̅ŕ̸̡̛̤̖͗̿͘a̵̯̮̘͗͌̈ͅe̶̥̙͈̞̽͆s̸͓̈́ȩ̵̟͗͐̈̾͝ǹ̶̥̣̣̳̭t̵̥̣̺̲̓̆̅ ̴̤̱͕̤̂e̸̤̔l̸͖̺̙͎͑͛͑̾̾e̵̖̳͖͚̳̓̃̒͒i̴̢͖̙̪̍͊̓̕̕f̶͖̥̱̉̈̓͠e̴̮͑̈́̉͘͘n̷̤͎̬͎͆̄̿̆d̷̠̜̃̀ ̴͇̬͍̅e̸͈͋͊͗n̷̤̲̟̪͇͌̅̂ị̸̧̧̤̤͌͂͐̕m̴̢̛̘͍̗̆̓̈̍ ̶̛̱̼͆̅̇ȁ̴̡̼̬ ̷̮͇̗͈̃̄d̵̞̹̏̂̂̃̕i̷̘̠͐͋̂a̸̻͍̠͑m̴̫͇̬̥̐ ̵̱͑m̵̛͍̮̫̣̺͗̏à̴̞̥̪̎̏̋͑l̸̲̺͛̇͆̈ȩ̶̺͉̻̌͠s̴̪͑͆͊͌̅ṵ̴̢̱̽̉̕̚͠a̴͙͈̫̬͉̋̈͊̔d̴̨̘̼̥͍͆a̵͇̥͒̅̾͂̄ ̵͎͈̼̕͜f̷̼͗̉͋̐̚ȩ̷̫̑̆̌́̕ṳ̵͉͉̣̄̏̽̈̿g̵͎̘̮̫̹̒̓̿̀î̷͕̦̣̔a̶̧̧̝̳̎̋ț̷̩̈́͋̓͛͠ ̵͈̋a̷̘̮̓̚͠͝ĉ̶̨̨̬̂̓ ̷͙̭̜̞̎ȩ̶̫͎̬͊̓̓g̸̬̐ȩ̴̛͔͙ţ̶̙͕̩̯̉͒ ̴̛̹̆̈́̎̚l̸̝̾́̆̇̓ė̸̘̲c̷̱̻͔̀t̶̡̜̫̼͉́͝͝u̷̩͓̠͇͐s̴̨͈̘̻̆̂͒̍͑.̸̹̼̩̖͘

* * *

Their eyes opened.

…

His room was not right.

He wasn’t sure what had changed. But something had.

They sat up.

The room was large enough to pace easily. The walls blended into the ceiling and floor, moving between a swirling rainbow and starlit emptiness as swept across the room. His desk grew out of the floor and wall, slowly consuming the datapads that lay on it awaiting their approval or review.

Everything was normal.

They instinctively knew that they would be able to complete another sleep cycle before the Mistress would have need of _“it”_. He could go back to sleep. 

He lay back down and closed his eyes.

_Wait._

They opened his eyes and sat back up.

The room was still the same as it was earlier. As it always had been.

 _No._ There was something off here. He just had to locate what.

…

…

Everything looked normal. The glowing rainbow spilled out from him to cover the floor and-

 _There should not be glo_ **_wing rainbow spilling out of him!_ **

This was bad. This was very bad.

Why was glowing rainbow spilling out of him?

 _How_ was glowing rainbow spilling out of him?

They sat frozen, unable to move as the swirling rainbow continued seeping out of their body and pooling on to the floor.

It spread out to cover the floor. Then the walls. And finally the ceiling.

By the time it stopped his entire room was covered in glowing, swirling, hypnotic rainbow.

The Mistress was going to kill him.

There was no way that he could clean this up before she found out. Without her finding out. If he could even clean this up. 

Fuck it.

If he was going to die soon he might as well die well-rested.

* * *

 _Mialma_ sat up in bed.

They had had a very strange dream last night.

It had...disturbed him. A great deal.

He looked over their room carefully.

No glowing rainbow.

No starlit void.

Nothing was seeping out of them or coating the floor and walls and ceiling.

The floor met the walls which met the ceiling, all at clean, straight, right angles.

His desk was placed in the corner, piled with data pads they needed to address.

The room itself was barely large enough to turn around in.

They sighed.

Everything was normal.

They got up and began preparing themself for the day.

The Mistress had demanded _“its”_ presence during the meetings she had. 

_It_ would be expected to look the part of a well trained, skilled soldier. _It_ would spend the day at her side, silent unless spoken to. _It_ would summarily execute any who tried to touch her without her permission, any who displeased her, and any who she wished dead.

They were fairly confident that she could not read minds.

She would not allow them the freedom of their thoughts if she did.

If there was one thing they could be thankful for it was that she was not the type for mind games. She could and would deal out the most painful agony to those who she deemed worthy of her attention. But she did not have the patience for manipulation.

...He should probably be glad of that. She would be much more successful if she did. She would have already eliminated him as well.

So _he_ would spend the day calculating. It may not have been their strong suit but they were decent enough at it that they should be able to come up with a plan given some time. 

Odd dreams aside, he needed to find a way to eliminate her. Before she realized just why he was not as fully hers as they had been for the past…

They didn’t know how long it had been since he came into her service. 

The man he’d saved had the same face of one of their lost loves. He’d seemed to know them as well. Or at least recognize him. 

_Mialma_ knew that it was all but impossible. Even if he didn’t know how long they’d spent in the Mistress’ service, they knew it was several lifetimes at least.

Still…

A part of him couldn’t help but hope that if he could find the man he’d saved again, _after_ the Mistress was dead...then he’d get one of his loves back.

* * *

Its Mistress was looking at it oddly today.

It wasn’t sure what it had done wrong. It had arrived exactly when she told it to. It had not spoken unless she asked it to. 

Yet for some reason, its Mistress had been giving it odd looks throughout the day.

“Servant. Come here.”

It walked around her throne to stand in front of her.

It was silent. She had not commanded it to speak.

She snapped and pointed down.

It knelt.

Her hand gripped its chin tightly. Her nails sending bright sparks of pain as they dug into its skin.

She tilted its head up until it was looking her in the eyes. There was a long moment where she was just staring into its eyes.

Distantly, he began to panick. 

What if they were wrong and she could read minds. She would see him and then there would be no hope of protecting his loves.

“What colour are your eyes, Servant?”

“Brown, Mistress.”

“And what colour were they when you came into my service?”

“Brown.”

She hummed before releasing him.

“Interesting. You may go Servant.”

It stood, giving a deep bow before turning and walking out.

* * *

They took care to keep its their pace as he walked back to their quarters.

_Thank Christ he has an attached fresher._

...They would have to remember to see if he couldn’t find out what that phrase was should they get the chance.

When they arrived at their quarters they went in and carefully locked the door.

Ten steps had him into the fresher in front of the mirror.

They looked at themself.

…

...

His knees hit the floor with a loud crack as they lurched over the toilet and began emptying their stomach.

_No._

_That was impossible._

After several minutes they carefully braced themself against the wall and used the edge of the sink to leverage himself upright again.

…

…

...

Despite having had brown eyes for longer than they could count...the image in the mirror showed swirls of rainbow mixed with void.

What’s worse, they were glowing faintly.

* * *

They had gone through the motions of their duties once he’d finished throwing up for the second time. 

Apparently their strange, presumed dream the night before wasn’t a dream.

Assuming the being that they had spoken to was telling the truth...somehow they had traveled to a realm beyond his own reality...without the aid of a ritual.

The Mistress was far more experienced in such matters than he and she still could not do so without rituals. ...She was also laid up for several days afterwards.

That they had somehow done so was concerning.

More so was the being’s mention of his petition.

They had not made any requests of the beings. Nor did they think they had made any of himself while there.

In the two weeks following that day they had been woken each night halfway through his sleep cycle to find his room malformed in some way and either the glowing rainbow or starlit void oozing out of them.

They would sit, frozen, until it covered his entire room. At which point he would lay back down, resigned to their fate.

The next time he woke, their room would be returned to normal and the only sign that anything had happened would be the glowing war between rainbow and void within his eyes.

* * *

He was back in that space. World. Realm. 

This was. Very concerning.

They were certain that they were not alone so he assumed the being(s)? from before were also present.

 _W̶̹͌̊ĕ̴̡̨̱̏͛̾͜l̶͈̔ć̸̮̝̗̜̏̀ö̴͍͖̜͉́̾m̴͉̾̆̃͐͝e̵͙̣̺̠̲͌̿̄̌̎ ̵͙̪̖̈͋͋b̵̢͛́͆̓ä̵̢̝̳͉́͌͂́c̶̥͓̭͎̈́͂̈͗k̵̢͇͉̟̆͊̈́̃͝ ̸̛̠̬͗͛l̵̺̺̹̅̈́̚i̴͕͙̜̲̽ţ̸͓̻͒̀t̸̢̟̘̭͙̋̐̐̀l̷̖̘̭̮͍̓̊̽͐̈́e̶̗̙̔͊̇ ̶̛͎̝͒̈́̊_ _m̷̡̫̙̯̘̃͗͝o̵̭͖͈͉̻̎ŗ̸̦̞͇̊ṭ̴̛͍̭̥͎̀̑a̸͙͖̋̽͘l̷̹̣̠͚̬̊͑.̶̗̃̀̂̊_

He opened his mouth, intending to reply, only to realize they had no mouth.

_Ẃ̵̨͘ḛ̵̿̇̈́͝͝ ̸̞͚̝͍̞̈́́̾͘a̴̜̞͝r̶̢̲̭͊̑͂̀̕ȩ̷̘̖̟̃͜ ̸̨̪̟̪̦̔̀͝͝ṋ̴͓̟̕o̷̫̞̔̒̄t̴̨̛̹͖̉̓̎ ̶̮͉͕̽̄̽̔̊i̸̡̺͓͂̉n̶̪͚͋ ̴̜̺͚̋͘y̸͉̦̠͒͐̊ǒ̶̟̫͘û̸̱͝ŗ̴̥͕̼̏̃̈́͒̆ ̸̻͎̣̥̒̓̔̽̈w̸̨͇̉̆̋̾̿õ̵̘͇͙̜͔ŗ̴̣̭͘͜l̶̛̝͕̫̏̓d̶̤̻͈͇̂̂̌̿.̸͈͙ ̵̫͈̻̺̝̉̉̈́͑͠T̴̩̲̆̿̆̿̃ḩ̸͔̠̍̀ẹ̵̥̍̓ ̷̞͖̝̈͘r̸͎͛͐ű̷̡̡͕̀̾͒͛l̸̳̪̎̈ͅę̶̝̹̮̘́̽͛s̶̛̱̘͙̠̋͋̓͛ ̵͍̊̅ͅa̷̳̠̥̬̓r̵͓̀́̄e̶͎̳͂̀̔̐͘ ̸̖͓̟͎̅̇̂͜d̷̜͑i̶͙̠̖͂f̶̢̮̊̑̍͐f̷̻̪̹̟̞̃̌̚ẽ̵̢̝̱̱̐r̶͚͓̱̀̈̈́̿̿ë̸̪́͠n̸̯͉͈̓̌͌͝t̷̩͉̮̻̪̓͂͘ ̴̛͍͇̣͕̬̓ḣ̵̺͉͔̌e̸̠̝̯̽r̶̘̠͕͘e̵̞̻̩̟̘͗̈́̒̏.̶̞̭͛͌̄̏̈́͜_

That was concerning. They didn’t know the rules here.

Would their thoughts offer insult? Could he misstep merely by questioning themself?

Laughter echoed in their mind.

 _W̵̼͛̃̉̈́e̶͙͍̖̍͊̇ ̵̰̠̈́͗ͅa̵̩̒̎̽̌ṛ̵̻̲͒̈́̐̌ȩ̴͘ ̶̺̊̽n̷͓̞̪͊͋ȏ̴̦̜̫̩̒͝ẗ̸̢͓͖̝́̎͠ ̷͈͔̭̲̄s̴̟̦̜͔o̵̜͔͊̃̅ ̴̖̏̔f̸̪̣̗̆͛ͅr̵͓̞̳̪̍̓ä̶̺̀g̸͉̭̤̈́̽į̴̙͖͉̔l̴͍͉͔̩̅̈́̔ě̴̯ ̴̡̭̦́̍͝͝ạ̶̗̋̊͒͝s̴͚̻̼͌ ̷͙́̀ṫ̴̤̤̳̰o̵̡̞̻̓ ̸̮͈͈͓̒́͂̈́t̶̮̮̝̀̏̋̈â̴̖͆͛́k̵̯͈̲̞͛ȩ̶̰̓̃͒ ̶̱̱͓̼̈́̇͝ǒ̷̜͓̕͝͝f̵͇̜̣̊̈́f̵̺͕̋͘̚ȩ̶̯̠͎̋͝n̴̛̼s̴̛̩̙̞̟͠e̷̦̲̭͕͊ ̵̧͕̅̈́̑a̵̼͋̍̕t̴͓̭̩̏̒ ̷̨͖͑̽͆y̸͇̝̝̅̽̀ͅo̷͍͕͈͛u̵͕̯̒̍̾͋r̵͍̈̀̈́ ̶̧͈̀͌ẗ̴̜̱́̍̌h̷̫̮͎͌o̷͕̖͕̍̆͊̈u̷͚̬̣͛̕g̸̛̰̥̿h̵̠͔͗̒t̵͍̦͝s̷̪̱̼̋͗ ̷̢̤̋̍l̴̼̞̏͘i̷͉̠̮̤͠ẗ̸̫́̏t̴̟̫̯͋̈́̊͐͜l̷͖̭̻̮̇̋ë̴̢̻̒͜ ̶̞̺̎_ _m̷̡ò̵̬͇r̶̪̊t̴͓͓͇͖́ḁ̵͆͒̃͠ḻ̷̲̣͂͆̅.̵̺͑́̑̍_ _̴̬̣̤̐͌̕͜Y̴͕̕͠ō̴͍̟̺͚͠u̶͖̜̽̃̈ͅ ̶̡͚̖̻̋s̶͖̔̃h̴̜̪̞̆a̴͔ļ̶̥̑̈́͘̚ͅl̵̍̏̀ͅ ̵̻̖͒ñ̷̩͚͚̇o̴̟̠̎͐͝t̵͐͠ͅ ̸̛̣͗c̵̖̹̪̣̓ö̷̙̃m̸̖̠̱̿è̴͔͔͇̝̉̋ ̸͔̄̚͝t̵̖̻̙̊̍͘ǒ̵͇̪ ̴͇̜̠̺͛̓h̸̰̣͠à̷͓̐͒r̶̦̖̖͛͒̉ḿ̴̧̹̿̀ ̷̫̝͋̆̒̿b̶̡͉̱̤͆̔͑e̷͉̗̓c̴̭̙̍̽̓ͅả̸̻͖ù̸̢̯̤̃͆̾s̴̺̻̮͐̒͜e̴̼͌̄͘͘ ̷̘̟̠̇͋͋o̴̩͂̃̂f̵̮̻̞͕̂͂ ̵̤̓̄͐̈́t̶̨̹̐̆̀ḧ̷̳́̕ͅè̷͚͕̫̺̚͠m̷̧͚̄̒̒.̴̝̰͌͝ ̵̡͇̬͒̈̄͜_

Oh.

There was a pause. Neither he nor the being thinking? Speaking?

_Ȋ̶̠̻͜͝ ̸̡̃d̸͍̿̓͠i̶͚̝̿̂̚̚d̴͈̹͎͘͝ ̸̟̙̻͗ͅș̸̓̾͜ȧ̵̯̭̫͂̅y̴͔̜̮͓̿ ̵͓͉̝̑̏I̵̥͔ ̸̖̾w̵̭͚̑ó̶̭ũ̴͕ḻ̴̈́d̷̞̘̥͇̅̉ ̷̖̻̜̾ĉ̷̼̙̄̍o̷̪͊n̵͔̚s̷̡͔͗̓͐̌i̴̫̞͔̿̾ḑ̷̛̦̈̓͐ȇ̷͗̓͐͜r̸̬͋͗͒ ̵̧̛͙̗͙̾̈́̓y̸̨̗̏̽o̵̠̭͍͝u̵̯̞̺̩̅̒̾́r̶̠̥͈̓̐̔ ̷͚̱͚̍p̵͖̂e̴̱̤̍̀̈̔t̷̺͌̿̏i̶̖͑̽ţ̸̣͈͘i̸̦̻͠͝͝ǫ̸̫̭̙̐͘n̸̙̼͐ ̷̨͚̦͇̈́̽͝ì̶̪̻͝͝f̵̯̘͔̜̈̈ ̶͉͕̝͇͆y̶̡̤̠͐̒͊o̵̳͚̘̎̽̏ư̵̧͙̖͚̔͂ ̸̙̬̙͎̽̄c̶̜̼͐͝ȯ̵͒ͅṵ̸̎̅̈l̷̠͕̫̒̍̅͝ḏ̸͂̄̊͝ ̶͈̙̬̮͋͐f̴̥͇̩͒͊͝i̶̛̻̦̯n̸̝̘̾͠d̶̘̟̲͝ ̵̲͙̭̟̈́y̶͇͚̩͎͛̎̓ö̸̤̺́͗ṷ̵̡̌̓ͅr̶̢̮̲ ̵̱̩̈́̎ẅ̸̹͚̽̉̂a̴̯̐y̸̙͙͜ ̷͇̟͚̰̐͋̈́h̸̽̍ͅe̶̡̢͂ṙ̷̮̣̑͋e̷̡̝̦͉͗͆̈́̕ ̵̢̠̤͆̈́ȯ̶̼̤̓̀n̶̯̳̄c̷̨̢̹̦͂̏̇ë̸͙́͐̌͝ ̶̝͈̦̐͘m̷̡̠̫͓̆o̵͈̽͌̈́͘ͅr̶͔̫̲͕̓̋̓̚ȩ̵͇̑̌͠ͅ.̶̰̈́̓̀̍ͅͅ ̷̳̅̋͐S̵̮̻̽̌̍̒ǒ̷̯̱ͅ ̷̭͔̱̔̈̈́̒a̶̞̲̋̄̍s̴͇̰̜͛̚k̷̥̭̓͜͠ ̴̛̫̪̣̓͌̇a̶̬͉̓n̷̺̮̪̆d̵͉̤̍̈́̈́͘ ̶͕̳̺͗̚w̸̟͗̀e̸̛̥̫͈̾͋ ̵͈̈́s̵͖͇̓̈́͠h̷͇̖̜͍͌͝à̷̱͓̉͜ļ̶̨̖̦̌̕ľ̵̨̻̎̊ ̷͎̊̓s̴̡̩̦̓̍ě̴̹̕e̵̪͝ ̸̡͍̹̋̎ī̵̧̤̲̼f̸̡̙̲̭͝ ̸͈͈̄w̶̢̋͌̄ȩ̷͍̗̰̒ ̴̨͉͘s̶̛̫̻̠͖̉ḧ̶̦̺́͝a̷̯̿̃͗ͅl̸̦͕̣̒͆̕͜l̴̼̇͂ ̷̗͊g̶̨͂̇̋r̶̡̛̩̋̔ͅǎ̴̳͑͌̒n̴̪̪̄̚ṫ̵̛̮̮͒ ̸̜̘̟̉i̵̢̛͍̫̓̌̂t̶̺̍̔̿.̵̳̏̎̀͘_

_I did not come with a petition for you though._

_P̷̺͇͖̼̈̈́̍ē̷̝̮͍̙̟̽̍̅r̸͈̍̆̓̓h̸̤̉͊̚a̸͔͖̬̮̋͝p̴̻͒̉ś̴̺̻͇̟̏ ̷͕̌̾͘̚n̶̥̖̗̓̈ỏ̶͔͓̈́̎͜t̶̝͇̲̊͆̎̅̾ ̴̢͉̼̓͑b̸̗͉̈́̄u̵̼̗̠͉͑̉̕͘t̸̨͇͖̣̰͑̌̎̽̚ ̷̨̣͉̱̾͊y̵̖̿̀͘͝o̴͈̦͕͉̒͘ṷ̴͍͍̓̉̉ ̶͕͕̓̑̂ḋ̷̮̲i̵̓ͅd̶̻̅͆ ̴͇̱̙̋c̸̤̜̲̭͗o̵͚̬̕ṁ̸̮̼̘̻̍̍e̵̹̯̟̰͛̈ ̸̪̹̰̩̆̑͑w̷̼̺̮̗̿̔̊̈́͠ḭ̷͆͂͗̾͜t̶͖͓̫͎̬̎̽ḧ̴͚̟̭́̓͆̉ ̸̛̟͚̖̬̣̍̇̎̂a̵̰̍̂̓ ̴̗̙̣̿͆̈̅͠ẇ̴̼̦͝i̸͓̯̲͈̫̍͋͛s̶̰̰̯̀̽̄̚h̸̩̻͙͇͕́ ̴̪̲̰̠̺̏̊̋̀i̶̥̯̿͌̏n̷͇̦̗̞͊͂̑̅͜͝ ̵̗̔y̶̝͚͇͈̑̃̍̀ỏ̵̆͆ͅu̶̧͕̦͇̍͐r̵͍̫͍̥͖̎͝ ̵̮̈́͂̑̈́͗ḩ̴̲͗̈̆̾̑ę̸̱̹͖̈́̂͐a̴͉̎͗̅͘r̶̡͓̽̅͛ṫ̷̫ ̵͓̱͍͚̭̐̈͒ḑ̶̙̦̋i̸͙̿̈́̈́̚d̵̘̤͓̗̾̑̃̿͝ ̴̛͉̳̫̽̉̃̾ÿ̷̨͍́͌̓͛̆o̷̘̥̱͒̂͒ų̵̥̆̓͋͑ ̸̠̪͈̭̩̆̃̍̊̕n̶͖̲̙̺̎͗͋̚ǫ̶͕̗͓͗̀̐̆t̷̨̼͓̜̺͊͌̄?̸̡̢͔̃͗_

A sensation as though a claw was scraping against their chest passed over them.

_No? Or…._

_W̷̼͚͋́̈̔̕e̵͙̐̑͒́̃ͅl̷̦͑̓̂͠͠l̴̢̹̿͛͝͝?̴̧̧̪̣̲̌́͂ ̸̪͉̼̫̙͗͆͝S̸̢̰̃p̵̞͔̖͌͜͜ë̷͉̟͕̯̥́̈̏ȧ̶͚̮͖̟̩̏ǩ̸͎̳̜̯̩̚,̴͚̤͓̮̐̆̄͊ ̶̬̙̦͎̟̇̄l̵̼̮͆͆̋͜í̴̲͇͍̺͉t̵̪͈͍̜̱̀̏̂̓͘t̴̨͍̤͙͑ͅl̵̹̣͉͙̻͐͝ē̵̦͔̙͑̓̌_ ~~_̵͎̀̊́͝m̴̨̩͙̏͂̌̊ó̸̢͖͜r̷̢̢̯̺̄̓ẗ̵͖̮͆̽͠ą̴̺̤͗l̷͎̗̮̐͌͋̇͠_ _.̷̞͕͚̫̑̎͂_ ~~

_The Mistress would go so far as to turn back time itself to destroy my loves. If I do not find a way to kill her before, she will eventually learn that I am no longer her slave and do so._

_.̷͉̬̋͒͝.̸̼̞̔.̴̯͎̿Y̶̛̭͒ǒ̴̢͉͂̿̓ȕ̶͕͛̔͘ ̸͖̩̲̒͛̄a̶̮̍̌̚ř̷̡͕̺̏ȅ̸̢̢̹̳̈́ ̶̬͎̰̠̑i̷͚̯̩͐̅̔n̵̡͕̈͜ṭ̴̢͕͌e̵͍͍͍͝ȑ̴̪̪͙̘̐́͒e̵̡̛̥͊̂s̷̤̻̳̓t̷̗͓̋̄ì̷̛̠͋̏n̸̙̝̩̘̑g̴̻͔͉̪̑̇.̷͚̖̯͊̏_

_̶̫͙̊Ÿ̵̩͔̓̌ơ̵̘͕ŭ̶̯ ̷̗͈͙͆̄c̸̡̺͉͙̋͆͑̋o̶͙͎̽͛͆m̶̲̆́̈̇e̸̼̤͌̀͆̏ ̸̗̣͆h̵͍̞͓̫̄͆e̷̦͓̮̮͌̚͘r̷̮̲̲͎̾̅͐͘e̷̜̲̹̽̚,̷͕̠͑ ̸͖̹͍̺̍͑͒͝ẗ̷̨͍͔̮́o̴̢̦̻͚̾͊ ̸̝͒t̵̛̠̥̯͊h̶̡͍͒̎e̴̪͆̃ ̷͕͒p̷̨̞̫͎͌̈́͗̒l̷̘͌ä̶͓̟̮́̑̆̎c̶̱̙̺̃̂̃͠e̷̹̎ ̴̛̭̜̽b̸̼͍̘͋̉e̶̺͈͑y̸̪͉̥͎͑o̶͓͝n̷̙̠̫̺̽d̴̳̔̉ ̴̯͛̈́̎a̵̘̙͕͛͒̋͠n̷̢͇̗̾̍̐̚͜d̵̲̩̜̲̒̈ ̵̯͝b̶̼̀̈́e̸̖͇̱̋t̸̙̀̐͂͘w̷̠͈̱͓̄e̵͙͔̳͐̈́̓͛é̸̯̝̀n̸͖͌̉͒̚ ̷̻̞̥̤̇̚r̵̛̩͋͆͐e̸̢̔͒a̸̖̜̚͝͝l̷͉̏͜ỉ̴̜̓͋͜t̵̗̭͉̄i̸̳̹͒͜ê̵̹̩̹͖̂̋̈s̵̢͛͝,̷̮̙̥̊̑̈́͗͜ ̵̧̫̙̎ͅn̵̙̗̩̞̂o̵̰̣̺͒͌̋͝t̶̙͑̊̄͘ ̷̬̬̱̕k̴̜̜͍̋̊n̵̢̞̈͊͗͒o̶̹̠̪͊̈́̽̑w̵͈͛į̸̞͓͕̔̈̋n̷͙̫̳̲̈́͂g̷̭̲̠̙̑̆ ̷̟̉h̶̹̺̄̓̿ö̶͚̕ẅ̴̙́̆ ̶̧̟̲̠̈́̈́͠͠y̶̢͈̒o̵̦̜̥͐͑̿ǚ̷̡̦̣͉ ̶̧͙̑̄͑g̵̣̙̈́̎ȍ̵̺̮̜͂̉͜ţ̴̜̹͈͐̿̿ ̷̢̼̩́h̷̡̭̿̒͜e̷͓̟̱͛̋͂r̷̝̭͌̈́͋e̵̢̠̭̍ ̴͓̗͍͒̉ͅo̵̡͙̤̊͆̈̄r̸̛̥̾̒̓ ̴͎̗̐͛́̒w̵̡̭̭͙̒h̸͈̪́̃ͅo̴̗͋̅̾ ̸̡̪̦̪̾̆̾̚ŷ̴̥̭͚͗͑̕o̴̳͔͘ǔ̴̮ ̴͖̙̅̀̄̑ȧ̵͉̼̲͘r̶̻̗̽̍͌͠ȅ̶̙͎̗͌.̴̹ ̷̙̅̓Y̴̠̪̳̽̓͗̚ö̵̳̩̪̲́̏͌͒u̷̡͔͈͑͜ ̶̛̤̜̹̊̽̔ͅh̷̠̪̰̔̍͑ͅa̷̗̪͈͈̅v̴̱̂̀̒e̴̡͑̎ ̵̱̭̽̊h̶̲̦͚̪̄̎a̴̮̭̍̐d̷̲̠͐̾̊̋ͅ ̷̝̀̒̐̓y̶̞̙̓̆̈́͌o̸̧̢͇̫̒͂ǔ̶͙͂r̸͉̟̬͍̀̍̆̉ ̴̪̯͐v̷̭̤͑ê̸̜̺̤̂͑́ȑ̴͔̬͔̒y̴̛͔̅̓ ̶̠̅͋̂b̷̛͇̗̊̒ē̴̢̘̭̈ỉ̵̝̲̚ň̷̜̗̒̌̐g̷̗̭̔͛ ̶̝̜͔̯̇̆͠t̴̜̜͙͚͒̃o̷̗͉͊̓̎ṛ̵̬̳̓͊̈ͅn̵̼͙̿͋ ̷̮͍̊̂̈͋f̸̢̟̓͐̄r̵̜͊̕ȍ̷͚̙͓̏m̷̠͐̅̓̅ ̴̯̈̇̉͜͝y̵͍͙͖̍̄͑o̸̥̫͐ụ̸͂ ̸̺̪̻̔͜ǎ̵̹̅n̸͈̘̍d̸͔̈́͊̿ ̵̨̳͉͒̍͗t̶̛̙͖̃̿͝w̷̤̬̫̬͗̒i̵̘̫̗̘͐̽̾̕s̷͎̻̃̏ṯ̵̉ȅ̸̩͐͒͝ḑ̶͍̣̉͊ ̶͔̥̩̖̈́t̸͎̆ö̵̪͇̹́̐̂ ̶̛̜͎̂͆̆s̶͓̤͉͗ȗ̶͎̟͈͂͝͝i̶͓̐͊t̷̬̜̯̑̈́̿ ̶̛͙̭̣͛̓t̵̤̥͎͍̂̑̊h̶̨̢̰̪͗͋ę̸̠̫͋ ̸͓̲͋͊n̴̡͎̩̊ę̴̞͇̄ḙ̸̱͙͐̇͗d̸̦̝̳̕s̴͙̘̖̓̎̍͆͜ ̷̖̯̰͌͒͋o̷̡̎͝f̸̧̤̟̞͐̇̐ ̴̡̱̲̲͌̌̓t̷̡̖̐̊̂ḣ̶͉̎͝e̷̟͔̔ͅ ̷̜̐̈̒͒p̸̛̺r̶̪̰̝̄ï̸̤n̶̘͎̔c̸̛̭͋͠e̴̜͒̈́͘s̸͙͂͗͑͐ŝ̴̺̬͎ ̸̟̥̟̦͑͆t̷̹͂̕ḧ̵͓̦̰̦̎̍͘a̸͙̓̐t̴͖̝͒̅ ̶̟̺̿o̵͕̬͋̾̂͠v̴͙̚ĕ̸̛̬̰̲ṙ̶͕̰͐r̵̢͖̭̅́e̶̡͖̰̥͌̔a̶̧̛͇͇̺c̶̠̐͜ḧ̶̤́̓ͅè̵̩̮͋̑s̵̢͙̒͘.̶̬̮̣͑ ̸̺̞̪̗̅̊Y̷͈̻͑͜ö̵̬́̓ü̶̋͜ ̶̢͚̤̄â̶̘̹͉̂̒͘r̴̨̗͍̄e̵̢͙̯̊ ̶̼̀̏i̷̱̒̓̋̈́ņ̴͋̉̚ ̷̦̙̆̌̿a̸̯͊̇̃ ̵̻̓̒͋̔p̵̟̽ọ̸̧̿͊̒s̶̝̗͎̰̐͊ǐ̶͍ṯ̸̭̄i̶͈̰̱͒̔̋͜͝ö̶̻̺̈͆͘ṅ̶̡̮͚̟͋̃̈́ ̸̢̲̃̈́͌̑ṫ̸̛̼̺͗̕o̸̮͓̫͎͝ ̴̨̺̹͓́̈ẗ̵͍̫̟̪́a̴͍͗k̴͇͙̣̬̓̋ê̸͙̞̳̰͊͂͐ ̷̺̘̻̞̇̇c̷̗͎͎͛̃̋͝ͅo̴̰̤̒͌̊͜ň̷̰̱͈̞̋̐t̴̖͂͝r̸̮̼̈́͑o̵͇̼͓̗͊l̵̝̪̒͒̕ ̴̨̣̮̮̊o̴̢̢̤͌̐f̵̻͈̣̊͐͐ ̸̺̤̊̉́͝s̵̡̰͉̈́̓e̶͓̱̮̪v̵͔̭̭̋͂e̸͉̳̺̊̑̒ŗ̷͛å̸͕̠̬͔̈́̒̿ļ̵̘̣͔̃̀̾ ̴̛̟͋̉ş̸̬͌̎y̵͙̪̙̳̋́̾s̵͍̭̾̇̂͊͜t̴̺̪̪͚͑̈́͛̓e̸̢̙̔̇̉͝m̸̛̩͘s̵̮̆͝͠͠.̸̨͎̟͗̌̇̇_

_̶̗͓̖̓͋̀̀A̶̙͖̓̏̚͝n̶͌͜d̶̺̏̒̆͊ ̵̡̙̒͂y̴̪̆e̴͎̜͚̐̋̚͠ͅt̷̝̞̅͋.̴̙͆̅͊̚ ̵̫́W̸̡̡̲̹̍h̸̲̫̣̉̋͆͜è̵̡̘̅̚n̴̦̅̆̑̅ ̸̺̝̱̣͐͋̄ọ̸̈́͋͜f̷̪͠f̵̖̩̿̕͘e̷͓̮̿́r̶̰̖͒e̷͓̹̤͂d̸̠͈̩̗͒̔́̆ ̷͓͕͑̉̑̾á̴̼ ̴̢̩̓̔c̸̢̯͔͛̀̏h̵̻̠̀͆ȧ̵̡̚͜n̴̪̭͖͒͗̆̃ç̸̜͖̎e̴̜̺̗̓͊́͝ ̷̛̭̑͝t̸̮̋ő̸̜͖̫̽͋̕ ̸̝̞̇t̶̬͎̰͈̑̇ä̸͔̝̦́̚k̴̖̝̈́̌ȩ̸̰̽͆̊ ̷̖̰̞̌̑r̸̲̫͐̍͗͝ȩ̶͇̟̀̅v̵̦̤͖͖̋͠ė̷̤̺̩̆́ṋ̴̺͍̣̽̎g̵̲̍͐e̷͖͌̎.̵̲͊͝ ̸͇͓̮̏͗Ţ̵̽̆o̶̡͉͊̓͌̌ ̵̛̠͖͆̒s̷̰̜̣͆̕ė̶̛͉̳͍i̸̠̾̔͝z̷̦̼͛͊ḛ̵̞̲̏ ̷̮̫͎̃͋̊̏ͅp̴̙͗̊̄͠o̶̢̗̖̤̓w̴͔̓̇͆ë̵̛͕̍͠r̸̢̘͙̰͒͝ ̷̧̨̳̾a̵̫̟͒n̷̞͈̄͝ḓ̷̛͋̈ ̴̂͛̈̒͜r̸͈̺̾i̷͔͙͍̒̈́̅͝c̸̲̻̚͜h̶̢͍̦͆̆̊̚e̸̯̙̿͝s̶̙̔͝͝.̷͖͇͉̌͘ ̷̜͕͍͌̓T̵̘̟̝̖̐̀̏͝o̸̻̫͊͆̿͗ ̸͍͕̮͋̋r̵͈̻̋͘͜e̴̝͇͑̋͂c̸̢̹̟̑̃l̴̲̺͌͑ǎ̵̮i̶͈̰̜̾̚͝m̷̬͍̗͐ ̵̯̫͝y̷͙̦͋̇̇̕ǫ̵̙͆̋͘ṵ̶̓ṛ̵̡̒ ̵̲͓͗͘l̴̢̩̟͇̇͗͘ỏ̴̭͓̯̞s̸̨̙̻͖͌t̷̥͚̄̎͝ ̵̡̝́̍s̷͔̼͔̈ė̷̡̙͍͛̄l̴̺̄̿f̶̟͉̌̓̽͜͝.̷̘̰̊̾͂ͅ_

_̵̧́͝Y̸̗̹̰̒ơ̵̢͚̅̏͑u̵̟͔͔̦̍ ̷͙̯͈͙̿̌s̷̱̟̏ê̶̫͇̅ḛ̶̛̯̎̚k̸̺̝̤̰͌̕ ̷̹͋̂̕͝ͅf̴͓̜̍͘o̵̘̰̔̇r̷̦̗̫̽ ̶͇̅n̵̯̍̽ͅo̵̢̺̹͗̚ẗ̷̡̻̱́h̷͎͉̄ỉ̴̡̜͋̉n̷̖͓̖̜͐g̵̛̠̭͖͓̋ ̵͉̪͋s̸̢͖͖̮̏̈a̷͉͉̼͋̒̊̕v̶̺̣̪͛ę̵̜͊̀͂̅ ̷͍̓̕͝ṫ̶̨̻̞͐h̵̨͎̋̊̿ě̸̛̟̩ ̴̟̇̓̇p̷̪͍̒̒̕̚o̸̜̹̓w̵̨̫̣̏e̶̘̳̰͚͐r̴̨͙͓̈͘͝ ̵̞̝͔̍̅ṭ̷͒o̶͙̎̎̾ ̷̹̎͠r̴̲̻̤͂̓̑̋ễ̷͙̕m̴̺̾̓̋̍o̵̡͇̒͘v̷͖̠͗̍̍͘ͅë̸̗́͒̒͠ ̸͚͚͗ṭ̷̣̈́͐͆͐h̵̳̹̗͗̑̚ẻ̷̼̲͆͑̂ ̵͙͂͌͜t̷̢̻̊h̸̘̤̯̒͝r̵̼̳̱͍̽̎̿͒ę̴̨̟̗͌̇̂̐a̴̝̭̝̋͒͠t̴̝̤̖̼̎̈́͒ ̸͚̼̤͂̍̈́ṯ̶̢͔͍̒̏o̶͙̥͚̒ ̸͙̻͑͛̿b̴̢̜̿͂e̶͔̰̪͊͒͠ͅĩ̶̦͐ṇ̸̯͂́g̶̥̼̋͋̈́̌s̶̨͓̼̤̑̒ ̶̝̿̅͌̚ͅy̸̨̛̟̒̈́͝o̵̮̠̤̹̚̚͝ū̶̡̠ ̶͈͒́̈́ḣ̴̳̻̱͗̏a̸̮͗̊v̵̬͋͐͂̍ë̵̹́͒͘ͅ ̷̰̻̉͘͠ȯ̸̧̰̩̍̉͜n̴̖̲̽ͅl̷̜͎̓̓y̷̦̬̮͇̋ ̷͇̽j̶̯̤̃̈u̴̗̪͉͗̾͒s̵̫t̵̡̳̯̯̃̿͛͆ ̵͍̊̍ṟ̶̫̑̃̔ẻ̶̙͚̆͘͘m̵͇̹͛͒̆e̵̥͒̋͠m̴̻̈́̏͜b̴̞̫͖̦̈͝͝e̶͔̦̮͐ͅr̷̪̍ē̶̮̤̦͎̉͘͝d̶̽͜.̶͙̈́_

_̵̙̓͊͂Ț̴̽̇̾͝ë̸̞̲̰̥́l̵̪̩̟͎̀̂̈ḻ̸̢̞̠̒͑̋ ̵̧́̇m̸̺͑̀̓̀e̸͚̤̳̯ ̷̰l̷̳̀̌̊̒í̷̢͓̦͑̿ṱ̷̍̈́t̵͇̙͖͛͒̇l̷͚̿̒̆̕ē̶̘͊͠ ̴̔͠ͅm̸̮̟̹̀̓͛o̶͕̬̱̬͂r̶͔͑̉̏ͅt̶̗͖̺̒̿͝ạ̴̝̽̃͝l̸͈͖͙̹̒.̸̦̰̔̽̋ ̸̢̙̥̎͐̅̌W̴̬̌͂h̸̜̩̻̤ȅ̸̦̏̓̈n̴̡̜̈́ ̵̣̎y̸̪͈̤͆̓͑̂ö̸͚̣́̋u̶͍͇̪̓̓̌͐r̷̜̍͆͝ ̷͔̥̱̃̑ș̵̨̩̓͊ọ̸̲͔̇̈́̾̾͜-̷̬̱̥̈́͘ç̶̞͉͔͒̓ä̸̩̖́ľ̵͇̻͋͂̃l̷̡͓̊͐ê̴̞͔̓d̵̛̩͈̈̌ ̶͔͌̈́͗M̵͔͓̲͛į̷͙̮͝ŝ̵̩̯̲t̵͓̯̕r̶͎͗̏̊e̸͙͙̫͑̈s̵̼̪̻̀͌̓s̷̼͕̝̞̈́̿̌̋ ̶̯̝͖̐̌f̵̝̘̕ȧ̸̬̱͓̕l̷̎̓̂̏͜l̵͈̮͓͍̒s̴͚̟̋͝ͅ ̷̨̝̔̍͒͋w̸̯̍̑͠h̷͍͇́a̶͈̐̒t̸̡̛͍̩̾̏͘ ̴̼̊͂͘s̷̖̘͌̽̊h̸͍̑̒à̷̺̞̎̋l̴̛̛͓͇l̴̩̹̬̃ ̴̖͎̟̖̇̍͐y̶̦̪̑o̴͎͉̖̫̓ü̵͈͍̊ ̷̤̲̳͜d̷̡͍͉̒̿̿͜ȯ̴̹̥͖̬́͘?̶͐͜_

The image of the man he’d saved came to their mind unbidden.

A question brushed across his mind.

It burned...but he did not think that could be helped.

_I would like to find him. It is impossible, but a part of me cannot help but hope he is my love._

There was silence for a moment. Or as much of silence as there could be when there was no sound to begin with.

_I̵̝̖͎͍͓̐̃͒̈t̵̹͍̃ ̴̯̯͚̥̆̔h̶̻́à̷̹̺̜͓̽s̸̢̭̲̍ ̴̲͔̆b̸͎̫̆͂ẻ̵͙̫̺̲͙͑e̶̮͎̦͆̕͝͠ͅn̸̤ ̴̮̳͈͆͗͘š̴͉͙̗̪̆̆̈́͊o̴̫̻̫͋̒͂͗m̴̻̜̩͑̅̈̈͂ẹ̶̢͚̑͂̈͠ ̴͔̙̬̃́t̴͎̒̂ḯ̵̗͔͒͗͐m̶̲̟͓̣͌͛̕e̵͕̯̣̊ ̶̱͌̈̂͘s̷̥͆̚͠i̴̱̥̻͛̂̀͝n̴̢̧̳̱̲̄̐̄̈́c̷͔̖͋̄͑ë̵̦́̍ ̶̧̪͔̯͔̈́̈I̵͚͚̦̺̩͂ ̵̺̤͕̠͕̒̓͝͝ẖ̶̺̩̏̈́̽͝a̸̘̦̜̱̠̎͛v̵̧̯̞̹̂̍̿͝ẽ̷̪͍̕͘ ̷͔͂͜h̸͌͜ặ̶͕̤͚̤͝d̵̹̭̿ ̶̲̠̺͑̂͑̈́a̶̢̛̟̖͗̉̔͗ ̸̧̡̜̲̂̈́ĉ̷̨̜͉h̸͕̪̫̺̟̅̌͂́į̷̣̈́͊͆l̵͉̫͉̻̋d̷̻͓̤͋̄̂͘͜.̶̢̜̼͘_

_̶̢̛̝̽̈́̄͂A̴͎̻͍̺̔̅̕̕͝n̴͓̖̲̞̣̒͑̇d̵͙̙͖͛̈̈́̃̓ ̸̣̭̙̝͋̎̄̏̅͜Y̷̞̼̎̋̌͝ơ̵̞̰̹̾̈̕g̷̢̙̗͉̓̅̐̉͝-̷͉̌͛̾̾Š̵̜o̷̢͈̣͌̑͒̀ṯ̴͓̣̓̾̾̔̾h̷͎͍͌͜ͅo̵̜̮̫̽̒̐͗̾ẗ̸̻́̎h̶̳̓͛’̴̜͐͗͗ͅs̵͓̩̱̾͘ ̴̹̔̒h̴̡͆̈a̵̢̦̩̒̔͛̕͜ș̸̋̀̒̋ ̶͎̞͛p̶̥̘̽̂̈́͌ŗ̴̲̖́ő̴̢̢̥̬͛̓͝v̶̖̅̄ę̶̱̘̈n̶̛͙̹͎ ̸̈́͜͝͝ȋ̵̡͈͂̎̎̇n̷͔̻̄̓̓͜t̷̳͙͎̲͙͠ę̵̋r̴͕̒ĕ̸̛͓̔͘s̴͎̟̗̣͇͂͋͒t̷̝̬̻̖͎̿í̶̦̩̲̳̹̈̎n̸̳͇͔̋̃̌̅g̴͎̒̀͆̒͘ ̶̨͕̎̐͐͠ĩ̵̧͆̂̆ṋ̶̖̎̈́ ̷̺̟̩̼͗t̸̼͖̗̜̒ͅh̴͈̜̦̟͇̏e̷̖̜̰͗̋̎͂͘ì̵̞̲͛̆͊r̸̫̤̆͋͑͠ ̴̢̗̯̭̃ͅo̷̢͇̞̪̾w̵̨̰̹̺̎̀͘n̸͇̯̥̔̉̚ ̵͎͕̙̥̈́͑͒̄͒r̶͚̭̼͉̞͛͛͂̓͠i̶̭͚̫̞͌̈́g̴̗̑̀͘h̸̛̘̪̺̙̋̈́̈́̿ͅt̷̯̘̳͊.̴̻͍͙͔̼̓_

_̵̲͉̈́͌̆̈ͅV̷̡̈́̐̅̑̕ę̵̪͔̰̼̊̿͐r̶̛̘̕y̷̘̙͔̏̆͋̈́ ̴̛̠̯͕̭̣̏̇̄̂w̷͙͐̉̓͛ḕ̶͇̏͒ļ̷̇̚͜ļ̸͖̪̾͐.̶̝̦̥̹̱͊̈́͑̀͝ ̷͓͎̳̹́̓͌̌͝W̸̢̲̣̪̎̎͂͊͠ȩ̴̩̎̚͜͠ ̸̘̙͓̠̿͘s̸̙̼͋̀͛̎̅ĥ̷̭͎͍̽a̴̫̖̓̒̀̎l̶̯̰̋l̴̲͍͝ ̴̩͓͙͑̂͌͑̋g̵̤̠̩̹̔͒̍͜ṟ̸̪͎͝a̸̬͂͝n̵̛͉̲̹̔̊̔ţ̷̰̇͜ ̸̢̀ŷ̵̲̪̗͊͂̄ŏ̷̲̦̣̌͒͘͝ͅú̷̢̪̬́̏̆̆r̶̫̈́́͜ ̶̲͊̉̓ͅp̵͚̭̰̫̈́͂ē̶͈̭̏͝ͅt̶̺̭̲͕̎͒̕͝i̷̛̘t̴̯̯͒̓̀̚į̴̝̜̳̳̾̔̚ö̷͎̹̩̫͌̈̚n̷̢̝͈̦̄̈́̇̍ ̵̧̜͓͙͝͝ḻ̵̢̦̎̅ỉ̵̟̹͕̇͋́͠t̵̼͆̓ţ̶̫̿̍̍̋l̶̀̓̾̈́͠ͅe̵̬͕̮͕͛̌̉ͅ ̷̥̺̩̿̽̃͠o̶̰̥̳̫͈͋͝ñ̸̫͆̏̒̓ḛ̴͒͛̒ ̷̤̓͊a̴̢͉̤̝͗̂͠n̴͔̟̅̾̎̿̚͜d̴̫̖̂̓̕ ̵̝͉͎̻̠̑̑i̶͎̞̳̙͕̾n̷͈̍͗̇͘ ̴̧͈͖̹͝r̷͚̜̝̰͔̎̑̚͠ẻ̷͈̜̬͖͍̀̓t̸̪͖̫̜͆̎̎̕ų̴̺̯̖̓r̴̛̻̜͍̜̃͐̓͜n̶̡͎̘͆́̐̕ ̶̭̈́y̵̛̰̘̳̠̻͗̊͑̕ȏ̴̬̬̪u̶̺͎͊̓̍̓̀ ̵̢̣͔̭͑̏͊̕ş̵̿ͅh̷͎̯̘̅͒́̾ả̸̝̫̊̓͜͝l̵̼̪͍͚̓̏l̷̪͍̃̈́͂ ̴̛̤͕͇͙͚͂̔̊̽l̴͎̰̻̣̱̓̽̓ḛ̵́̑͑̈́a̴̪̐̋͗̈͝ͅr̶̹͛͂̓̎̓ṅ̵̲͙͙͈ ̶̼̰̠̼̈́̚ā̷͉̗͍͈̗͆̀̅̊n̷̹̻͕̈́̅͆̕͝ḑ̶̮͊͆̈́ ̴̨̗̊͋͜ǵ̵̙͝ř̸̯̪̿͑͊o̸̥͎̬̾̾w̵̨̹̯̉̇͝ ̵̤̓́a̸̝̲̭̮͇̽n̷̖̲̣̜͌͂͑d̶͚̰̣̓̈ ̸͉͙̞̹̭́̑̒͋p̵̨̙̼͗̃͆̋̚r̴̡̻̱̀ͅo̴͙̐s̵̝̭̭̓͌͑͝p̵̹̜͆̀͗͝e̵̩̤̥̒͝r̵͇̰̎.̷̧̢̼̟̈́̄͜_

_̵̗̄̈́̒D̵̻̣̫͈͈̋̋̋o̴̧̭̟̮̺͛́͝͠ ̸̘̙̊y̷͕̾̈́̑ơ̵̺͐͠͝ù̸̧ ̷̱̗͒͝á̵͙̺͉̮̲ģ̴̭̾͊̓͒ŗ̴̪̈́̓͐ė̸̛͓̮͍͛̔̔e̶͇̫̮̥̭͌͠ ̶̥̜̜̎̾͂̆͝t̶̖̃̔̒̄͠ǫ̸̺̀̉̔̒ ̶̻̬͚̲̌̍̍̇t̵̗̣̖̹͓̍h̶̢̯̼̜͙̽̔̋͋͠e̵̡͇̰̻͈̔s̶͔̫̼̈e̴̪̤̊͐̏ ̶̰̿̀̔̌t̷̙͌̚e̵̻͖̽̇̄͂r̵̺̗̝͓͇̽̚m̵̛̈́̅̓͜s̸̛̗̙͈̼̖͗̾̋͆?̶̪̓̔_

They hesitated.

_What do you mean by prosper?_

Laughter again.

_I̵̱͉͎̭̼̿̚ ̸͈͚͂͊̽͜c̵̘̹̰͓̥͌̅̀͝͝a̶͙̤̼͈͎͋̆͝n̸̨̡̺͔̅̉͆n̵̲̖̭̱̈̂̔͋ͅō̵̤̎̕t̸̰̅ ̷̢͔͎̈́̒͛͆s̷̢͚͎̽̿̾a̴͙̮̓̃̕y̴̻̪̞̳̰͛̒͗͐.̶̧̲̼͗͒͛͜ ̶̬̎E̷͇̰͖̅̾̆ā̶͇̪̟͕̿̒͆c̷̝͋̔͂h̶̫͎͂ ̵͖̝̝͇͈͒͂č̶͈̑͠h̷͉̏̀͊̕i̵̡̡̦͑̆l̶̥̳͖̀̅d̷̝͇̣̳͊̋͑ ̵͉͔͔͓̩̒Ḯ̶̜̺͖͖̃͒ ̵̢̻̋͂h̵͖̻̣͇̅a̶̡͖͙̤͛̆̔v̷̢̆̒͊e̴̛̦̹̤̠̰͌̉̐ ̷̟̯̰̪͠c̶̨͚̆l̸̡̬̭̈́ā̸̞̺͔͇̐͐͜i̸̳̮̯̦̭͆m̶̢̦̼͛̑̅ĕ̵̞̺̤̫͘d̶̰̜̄͌̎͝ ̷̛̰̲͚̌̕ḥ̵̨͒̍ă̵̢̘̫̪̆͒͝͝s̴̛̳̣̺͋̓͜ ̴͔̙̹͌͘d̴͍̝̖͆̿̽ȯ̸̺̭̩͓͌̎͂͘n̵̢̙̲͂͘ẽ̵̻̣ ̷͍̎͋͌͝s̵̼͙̖̙͐̈́̃̈́ỏ̸̡̭͉͔ ̸̛̬̺̆͑̑͜͝d̴͓͇͈i̸̱̞͉̞̔͐͛͝f̶̣͋̒͗͆͠f̶̡̖͂e̶̛͉͋ͅͅr̶̮̯̉́͛e̶̲̼͒̂͜n̷̖̟̱͊͊̂t̴͎̠̫̮̅̑͗̈͘l̸̰̐͌͛͜ỳ̸̛̖̻̟̝̮́̂͘.̶̫͐̾͜_

_̵͇͓̀̏̊̉…̴̥̲̜͖̈́͌̌_

_̵̡͖̰̳͎͊͒̍͒̕Ỳ̸͔̭̯̭͔̈́̑o̶͇̔ṵ̸̰͖̍ ̷̧̞̠̮̤̀̀̔̓̊f̴̧̲͚̈́̉̇̇ȩ̶̡͆a̴̬͚̖̓̈͑̽r̴͇͎͇̻͗̍ ̵͇̠̜̈́̐̕͝t̵͓̦͔̘̠̓̿̚̕͝h̵̹̃ā̴̛̗̉͌̌t̶͈͖̰̕̚ ̵̣̠͙̩͆̎̅̓y̶̘̌ǫ̶̼͖̩͙̂̈ṳ̵̯͉͇̈́̕͜r̸̥͔͕̈́̉͋͂ ̶͕͚̤̉̓͑͠e̸͚̱͍̪͚ṉ̵͕̰͖̈̀̋̅̍d̸͔̭̅͆̓͠ͅͅ ̵̻̿̀͊ǒ̶̢̺̮̞̆f̴̞̓̏̒̈́͝ ̴̛͈͆̈́̏o̶̺͓̣̩̊̿͜͠ủ̵͜ṙ̶͇͚̘̔͛̉ͅ ̵̞̮͊͂̈́̏͊b̴̨̘̺̅̽̒̕a̶͚̯̤͆̅͐r̵̠̐̉͆ǧ̸̟͓̖͍͆̕a̷̳͚̐ḯ̴̠̚͜n̶͚̗̟̊ ̶̙͍͇͇̳͛̂͝w̷̨̨̤̰͛̚o̴̳̝̟̓̍͐͘u̸̫͉̒͊̋̅l̴͖̳̩̩̩̅̽d̷͙̣̊̈́͝ ̴̠̫̹͇͑r̸͈̺̯̯͂͗͌ḝ̸̈́̀q̴̣͈̐ų̸̡̈̽̕̚͠i̷̖̙̼͂ŗ̴͎̥̹̈́e̷̻̥͠ ̸̯̺̗̩̥̅̕t̴̗̂́̽h̸̦̜̙͗̿͘ä̷̼t̴̖̦̗̅͗̌̅ͅ ̸̩̪͍̆̕y̵̫̰̔̉́ơ̷̛͖͚͖̄͐̑ṵ̵̘͚̦̀̌̌ͅ ̷̰͚̕͝b̷͈͐̄̌̄r̴̭͆̇͆̃i̸̜̣̕n̶̳͒̈́͆̈́͠g̸͓̙͋͘ ̶̧̢͍̣̓͊̂d̸̨̮̟͕̅̏̀͝ͅe̵̡͈͂̋͊͒͘s̸̢͉̆̉͝t̸̩̑͌̐̏ͅr̷̰̠͑̾͊̕u̵̳̳͗͑̎c̵̝̯̬̖͛̅̃̐ͅt̶̪̉͂͋͠i̸̛͕̰͎o̵͔̥͋̍n̷̢͖̭̺͑̓͂͜ ̸̨̑̀͛̎a̴̛̦͉̳͙͑͂̽͝n̴̞͕͉̎̉d̵̠̐͌͌̿ ̶̢̖͈̦͂͐͂d̷̟̮̤̾̀͠e̴̘̽̑̂s̵̛̲͇̓̒͘p̴͎͗͒́̚a̸̺̒͑̆i̸̢̨̦͚͝r̵̜̽ ̵̢̂̓̊̓t̶̬͛ǒ̸̙̟͖͇͑̚ ̶̞̪͓̀̓͘y̴̛̟̺̏o̵̳̖̒̈́ų̸̙̱̥̱̃̈́͂r̶̩̝͙͗̄̐ ̶͙͇̂ẅ̴͓͓͐͊̄͗ǒ̶̠̽r̴͙̒̔̎̐ļ̷̹͇͖͊͝d̴̨̬͆̊̈.̸̛̞͚̰̖͌̍͜_

_Yes._

_Ȉ̸͕̪͝t̶̛̛͙̙̤̠͊̔͊͠͠ ̶̳̣̑̐͂ͅw̵̬͙̙̹͖̟̐͜͠i̵̢̞̺̫̻͗́́͂͘͘ḽ̸̰̈l̵̹̓̂̓̓̒ ̴͙̮̦̔͐ṅ̸͚̰̻̣͙͗̕͝͝ő̵̧͕͐̐̅͒ṭ̷̹̐͜.̸̛̙̪̗͈͊͆͋͐̾͘͘͜_

_̷̹̩͕̏I̸̥͉̭̒͂͜ ̴̺̜̪̼̲̹̹̬͒͑̂̌͝w̷̟̗̜̐̒̑̇̕o̴̧͔̯̩̽̊̏̐͘͜͠͠u̴̧̝͉̯̳̻͂l̶̰̙̥͎̃̽́͐̔ḏ̴̼͉͔͛͆̉̄̂͘͠͝ͅ ̸̺͈͇̰͕̞̙̪̑͗̾͊ň̵͚͙̲̊̚͠o̸̡͓̤͎̰̟̳͌̌̎̏͗̽̅ṫ̷̝̄̀ ̴̘͕̪͔̞̞̏̀̒̈́̍c̶̢̡͈͔̜͓͈͔̆́̍͒̃͑̾ơ̴̦̫̏͆̓͂̍͆͘͜n̶̙̝͉͖̈́̉̅ͅs̵̖̉̆͆͌̓̍̉ī̴̺̤͋͜d̷̙̑͑e̸̖̲͂̈́̏̅͛̃̌͗ŗ̷̡̖̹̰̤͇͑͑̔ ̵̡͈̠̱͕̓͆̾̑̄͝c̸͓͍͈̗̜͓̣̄l̷̺͙͚̓̾̈́́̑̑a̴͎̣̺̝̹̅̌̿̔̓ǐ̶̧͎̱̮̻͓ṃ̸̠̖͈̳̜̩͒͒̈́̕ǐ̸̩̪̟͍͉̣̋̊̔̆̔ṇ̸̤͔́̊͊͠g̷͓̪̍͐̇̍̕͝ ̶̡̤͔̪̮̠̝͈̈̽̓̓̏͌͘ÿ̶̳̲̙̹͖̹́̓͗͌͠o̴͉͙̙̻͔̞̽͒̈́̒̓̚ṷ̴̼̖͐ ̵̼̯͙̃͂̄i̵̧̨̪͈̰͂̈́̓f̷̧̡͎̜̹ ̷͔̇̀̑̊i̷̧͎̱̙͓͉͖͂͆͂̍͝t̴͙̱͖̜̗̄͂͂̍̉̿͊͘ ̸̼̫̜͌͠͝w̶̳̹̖͍̘͉̉͒̍̏͗͝o̵̹̓̆̉̃͠ű̵̻̖͈̜̾̏͌̅͜ļ̵̨͚̦͎̥̥̟̉͗̊̌d̶̮̗͖̱͖̿̐̐͌͝.̵̨̡̙̼̪̅͌͑̏̚̚ ̸̧̨̛͎͙̭̿͆̑̈́̑̚͘͜ͅĪ̵̬̗͎̇̅̀͒͗̕ͅ ̷̡̯͓̈͊̋̈́̉̈͠͝ḩ̷̛̗͍͙̬͓̅̄͛͛̓̈́ȁ̷͇̺̜̥̅͊͂̉͛̇́v̷͚͕̲̠͈̿̓̃͒̌͘͝͝ę̵̡͙̱̺̺̘̿͌̊͗̕̕͜ ̴̼̫̈̚ğ̶̨̤̎̓̒̒̕͝ͅr̵̟̞̥͕̍͂̃̅́̄ō̴͇̘̘̂͝w̷̧̧̟̖̞̪̉͗͛̊̕ͅň̶̢̜͚͈̟̮̏͑͌͛̌̕͠ ̴̛͈̝̼̱̘͊̒̿̕͝ẃ̴͔͓̩͓͈͈̥̐̂e̵̦̞͍̯̥͒͊̑͌͋̾ȁ̴̛͈̉̽̽r̵̡̧̥͎̣̹̲̆́͐͆̈̑̊̄y̷̬̗̺̹͂͗͗̚͜ ̵͖̮̙͎͊̃̈́͠o̵̘̺̖̣̍̾̉̍͑̈̚̚f̸̭̑ ̵͔̙̩̠̱͖̂̍͊̕͝͝͝ͅc̷͇̪͇̙̲̞͇̔̽͛͌̓͘̚ḫ̷̹͉̊̈́̽̀̿i̵͕̰̰̬̝̲̭̙͌̏̄l̶̟͇̽̈̄̈́d̵͚͐ȓ̸͕̆e̶̯̊̉͌̽̉͘͘n̵̡̻͍̮̣͔͋̓͊̅ ̵̡̪̳͓̐͂͂͝w̵̼̟͎̝̓͊͑̏͘͝h̸̘͉͓͈̤̪̿̓̉͘͝͝ö̵̧̞̟͋͠͝ ̷̹̫͚͓̜͎̈́̀̄͌̍̈d̷̝̈́͊̈́̒̆͝ő̷̮͙̱͈̣̙͙͉͂̽̕ ̷̮̭̟̱͉̽̌͆̓̚͝͝ͅs̸̡͚͇͔̹͔͓̉͆̍̌̕o̸̘̩͆͂͋̂̐̎̽̕ ̵̧̱͓̮̪̹͑͝ẅ̴̥̠́͊i̵͙̟̭̥̦̯̮̽̀͌̚t̸̜̲̩͐͑̇̈͜͠h̷͙̬̜͕͐̑̽͝͝͝ ̷̧̛̭̙̺͍̥̗̔͂͆̊͊̇͝g̸̰̠̹͓͇̋̾͊̂͗̄̕͠ļ̷̭̙͖͖̙̘͂̆͌̃͠a̴̟̞͈̪͛d̸̦̻̬̖̯̟̥̏̈̾͌̽̊ṋ̵͗̓̇ȩ̸̧͕͍͇̊̎͐̚ș̴̘̘͇̲̺̑͜ṣ̵̡̩͕̬̐̌̌̐̾̂̌.̴̢̢̢̧̤̯͎̰̾̍_

_Then I will agree to your terms._

_W̵̪̝̣̌̕ḙ̵̓͋̈́͐͑ ̷̩̔̓͑͌̊͜s̷̭̣͌ȟ̸̬͓̰̯̓̄̑ḁ̵̠̻̓͐́͘͘l̷̡̲͖̙̺͛l̸͈̍̈͑͒͘͜ ̴̱̳͉̝̹̐̏́̌ã̶͎̳̱̭̝͗̈́̚s̷͉̺̜̿k̷̡̛̦̜̳͒͐͗ ̴̢̡͉̙̍̑̓͆́N̴̹̊͒y̵̢͙̯͎͑́̄ä̸̗͓͈̰̥͐͆͋r̸̹͚̬̜̰͌l̷̩̾a̵̬̺̗͈̬̋̇̈͌͂t̷̡̨́h̵̫̺̟̊ơ̶̞̤̯̦̈́͆͝ţ̵̱̯͚̗́͌̏̅e̶͔̫̺͂̿p̸̜͎̰̍͑̄ ̴̢̛̗̿̒͗t̷̢̟͔̙̗́̒o̷͎͔̜͐̉͂ ̴̢͎̮̣̮̎̔̄p̶̡̤̣̝͋ȧ̵̺͇̑͘ỵ̴̛̿͂̕ͅ ̵̖̺͋̓̾͊y̷̝͝ơ̴̺̒͌ǘ̷̧̢͙̠̈́̐͠ͅ ̸̨̜̜̼͆̏̇̚ͅa̷̹͕̲̹͛̾́̍͗ͅ ̷̢̦̗̞̱͋͐̓̆̅ṽ̶̫̍̌ĭ̴̩͕̣͔̅͐̎ş̶͙̖͈͚̾̇͝i̶̬͔͋̾̐͘t̷̝̬̺̣̔͊̒ ̸̼̎̈̋c̸̡͔̓̋h̸͎̮̩̥̮̿͒̔̇̊i̶̢̲̽l̵͚̰̬̞̰̆͂̕d̴̡͖̝͊̈́̔.̴̘̼̓_

_̵̢̼̭̊͜͜͝P̸̺͓͕͖̯̏͒̀̐̃e̶̝̮̪͈̿̅̔̽͗r̵̟̙̣̫͠ḥ̵̍͛ȧ̶̺̒͌̑͂p̸̺̭̗̉͝s̸̨̰͔͑͗̚ ̴̡͓̗̞̀̏̊̐͋a̷̰̯̓͌̽̈́e̶̛͓͕̺̻̐͑ ̴̡̭͍͈̉ͅẅ̸̯̹͓́̍̆̇i̵̼̎̆̅l̷̥̈̔̋l̷͐ͅ ̷͚̘̹̳̪͌̋͋̚̚a̵̺̞͉̓̑g̸̹͙̰͐̓̊r̷̡̡̭̬̈́͆̂ͅē̷̢̬̞̻̖ḙ̶̂͂͗̉ ̴̖̥̈́̆͆̽t̸̪̭̎̒ỏ̸̻̗͎̠̀̔ ̷̞̦̝͉̣̓ȃ̸̹̲̭r̴̨̯̺̟̮̋͂̅͑r̶̼̱̼̾̓͑̌a̷̮̠̻͊ṉ̶͈̞̔̈͂g̸͈̤̩̖͋̈è̶̼͓̩̻͜ ̷̹̘͎͕͂͗̓̈f̶̛̺̦̱͘͠o̴͚̼̣r̵̛̥̺͍̞̖̔̓̽̂ ̸͔̜̾̒y̴̝̯̪͊̋̓o̵̢̥̳͐̔̌̊͊ṵ̵͚͝ ̴̨̙͔̞͙̍͆͝ṯ̴͍̱͕́͗o̷̧͎̪͐͛͒ͅ ̷͉̜̻̘̍̑̌̚̕h̶̤̯͍̗͋̊͗ä̷̢̩́̃͠v̶̳͇̊́͐͂̽e̴͈̙̭̗͇̐̈́̓ ̷̓͜ḥ̸̘͔̊͗͗e̴̡̛̽͂͋͛ͅl̸̪̈́̈́͝p̵̺̪͖̖̂̂.̶̨͎͇͙̋͘͘_

Pleasure filled them before

_Pain._

_Pain beyond anything they could ever have imagined._

N̸̹͓̱͑̚ͅa̸̞̐̆̄t̷̰̘̺̑͛ư̴̰͇̈́̅ͅs̶͉̠͈̓̐ ̸̬̮͚͗d̶̢͚͗̇̍e̴̩̽n̶͚̻̝̱͆̕͝ü̵͇͕͍̗͛͛͘o̸̘̯͍͌͊̿͠ ̶̦͚̒̈́̊͝ǐ̸͈͐̾n̶̖̘̅͑ ̸͕͂͆f̸͇̩̒̎o̶̹͑̆̚r̷̖͐̓m̴̥̻̮͝a̷͓̘͂̾͘͜m̶̰̩͒̆̇ ̷͍̃̀̊̕s̵̫͗ỉ̴̘̼͑m̷̡͓͒͗i̷̧̬̗͑l̷͙̠̙̿̄͗͌í̷̭̭̻̙̐̾ṡ̴̡͖͍̿̌̕ ̶͔̿c̶͔͗o̸̢̬̱͉̔̚g̷̢̬̳͂̏̚n̸̮͕̩̾a̵̳͈͓̐t̷͖̝̟͌i̴̮̣̱̰̎͗͝o̴͚̺͋͑̇̅ṉ̵̊͗e̵͉̚m̴̥̘̬͆ ̶͈͗̓̅t̴̢͑͋͐͝u̶̝̞͍̾̈́̉ą̶̞̒̒͘ ̷̼̽͊̿ṷ̵̧̥͛͌̋t̵̜̖̳̼̍̆ ̸͖͙̎̔̇͒ͅp̷̘̜̘̊͌ö̸̞͖͘͠t̶̗̖͝e̶̛͓͓s̶͙̪̈́̈́t̷͙̼͍̄̾̕ ̵̧͎̟͚̿̐a̴̢̧̘͙͊͋m̴̙̉̃͝b̵͍̅u̷̘̪̺̰͂l̵͈͈̝̠͐̐͛ą̶̟͒̕͠r̶͙̙͓̪͠e̴͈͕̲̿̐ ̵̧̛̬͎̯̔ṵ̴̣̗̮͠l̸̡̛̤̗̏ṫ̸̢̨͓͑̕r̶̖͇͎͘a̴̧̛̅͛ ̶̪͌͑̔͠v̶̻̔e̸̠̦̎l̶̪͎̳̦͛̾̒ỉ̸̪̃s̴̩͚̱̐ ̷̨̛͇̈s̶̼͈̮͗͂̑ů̴̡̾̾͝m̷̜͚̜̖̓͊̋͝p̷̤̞͍͘t̶̟͓̩̬̊̈ü̸̲͖̹͇ṛ̵̓̈́͠i̴̢̦̝͑̉̑ ̸̹̯̬̄͒̾ï̴̡̮͖l̸̟̞̇͌̇͛l̶̦̈̾͐u̷̻̬̍͑̓s̷̖̪͓̑̽i̷̭͗o̸͈͖̮͔̽̉͠ ̵̈͝ͅḙ̶̜͎͖͑̋̚͠t̷̤̹̾̌̃͜ ̶̖̈́͋̕͝s̵̲̓̀͛̈c̴͚̩̿͂̃r̴̡̨̛̎͜ị̸̧̘́͗b̶̖̜̤͙̍͂ḛ̷̪̒r̸͓̼͐̀͘e̵̯͓͘ ̷̪̜̓̊̔̓ͅś̵͎͉̃͊ȇ̸̗̹̌m̷̩̼͇͚̾̈́̚i̴͇͚̯͌͗̂t̸̮̻̱̺͋̊a̸̜̦̞̍͑́̍ ̶͈̰͉̓ť̴̝̫͒̎͗u̵̝ȧ̵̩̙̣͚̌̊̌.̶͐̈́̃͊͜ ̷̳͈̟́̇̒̂I̸͓͑̎̒l̶̯͖̺̬̈́̿̿̒l̸̐̋̊̌͜ï̷̲̑̉̅s̶̩̑͋̎͌ ̷̡̻̪̳̉̌̋̕q̴̨̈́u̴̠̱̥̓̀i̵͖͒̓͘͝ș̵ ̴̗̲̑͂t̶̥̝̯͕̀͌̎̚é̶̫̪̮͉n̶̨͗͜d̸̺̮̩͒o̷͓͖̅̄̋ ̴̝̈́a̶̱̲̼̞̎͒d̸͚̭̣̠̔ ̷̱̑̄̐ṇ̷̞̼̑̿͠͝o̶̠̓c̷̖̫̖̓̕ê̸̲̽r̵̡͒̈́e̴̠͎͊ ̴̧̛̪̗̝̔t̷̪̽ȕ̵̡̨̺͂ ̵̥͎̿͒̇͘v̶̯͇͑͝i̵͇͒͠c̷̢̘͈̲͘t̶̏̏͜õ̵̬͈͝r̷̞͔̃͑͐i̸̼̩̩̇͐̿́a̴͍͐̓̕ ̷̦̇ņ̴̺͖̀͆͝͝o̶̞n̸͓̣͛ ̷̛̦̯̥į̶̛͖͇ṉ̵̃̕v̶̱̣̌̈̈è̷͓͔̺͝n̸͙̿͌̂͊ȉ̵͍̤̥͍̓e̶͙͆ț̷͓̦̔.̷̩̬̏̇͊ ̷͇͖͘I̴̡̤̠̒̍l̸͇͗̂̔l̸̘̈́i̷̡̙̬̎̽̎ṥ̴̜̪͠ ̶̦̚q̷̢̨̛̫̼͑̅̕ū̷̗̠͂̓i̴̱̰͂̂͊͋ ̴̨͍̱̬̒͑͆t̷͈̿͊ĕ̷̢̹̥̪̽ǹ̷̪͌͌̆d̸̘̠̀͠ō̶̡͓ ̸̛̰͇̺a̴͚̯͗̅͒d̵̺̜̳̈́ ̴̬̞͉d̷̨̜̖̒͌i̵͉͌̔̌͘f̶͖̦̦͎̑f̴̨͇̼͍͛͘i̴̦̩͓͍͐͘n̴̢͚͙̹̋̕̕ḡ̵͔̰̫̆͜o̴̹̦̾͊ ̸͉̟͎̻̂t̶̲̿͘͘u̸̫̫̗͌ ̴̡̣̟̬͐̈͠ņ̶̝̰͗ẻ̷̛͔͕͔̬͒͝c̴͈̺̬͕͗̈͑ẹ̴̝̃s̸̬͝͠ś̷̬̰͕̆ͅȅ̵͚̬ ̷̖̒̽é̶͙̼͉̉̎̕t̸̰̒͐̕ ̴̧̣͍̈́ͅp̴̛̘̌͂͠r̸̥͉̄͊̕͜i̶̱̠̒ū̸̧̡̪͐͝s̴̢͔̘̖̋̑͂ ̵͉̬̣͛̉͒́o̵̧̞͕̽̃̆p̸̥̌̑ȏ̸͙͗̃r̷̹̪̒t̴̛̩̃ȅ̵̞͇̥́t̵̙̜͚̔ ̵̜̮̥̂̄e̶͔̱͙͉̅ų̵̛͚͋͘͝m̵̜̣͑̈͐ ̶̰̲̉̄p̴̣̥͑̋͒e̷̮̳̮͗̓͂r̴̺̰̈̌̑͝ ̸̲͔̥̌͒E̸͔̖̗̊̈̐ͅl̷̛̘̩̓͘ẙ̶̼̋̈́͜͠s̸̗̲̞̀̿͐͋͜į̵̱̆̉͜a̷̠̟͘ ̴͉̖̩͗ă̷̱̂͜č̴̢͝ ̴͕̈́̄̍̊ī̸͈͕͜u̸̝̤͜d̵̟̲̤̽͒͗̃i̷̺̣̍c̵̖̑̀̚i̷͔͙̚͝ͅͅi̷̦̲̞̺̍ṣ̴͌͜ ̸͈̩͑s̸̙̼͚̗̓̓̅e̴̮̭̪͉̕p̴͕̳̗̒͠͝ţ̸̙̱̯̔̍͠e̸̮̍̀͝m̵̖̱͆̐̚.̵͇̼̊ ̵̠͙̠̥̅̈͑̀Ẹ̵̲͇͕͋͑s̸̮̹̗̥̊͊̈́ṭ̶̦̭͎͝ ̵̝̀͗̓e̶̡̋s̶̭̏̃ ̶̨̭̹͚͗̐e̷̟̰͋̀̓s̵̛̥̩̞̺t̶̛͓̓ ̷̡̓̈́̽̎e̸͎̪͊͛s̵̛̲̘̏͗s̵̟̝͖̜̈́͌̓̈ẹ̸͓̿̔̌̔ ̷̮̉͋̏̈́͜q̷̪̤͒u̷̡̼̯̝̅͠ő̶̳͎̈́͂̑ď̵͚̭͖ ̴̛̝ã̷̹͎̕e̸͖̟͒͠q̵̭̒u̴̪̬͌̾̆à̷̩̤̕͝l̸̹̉̚͝ḯ̴͍̱͇͕̎š̴̛̜͓̀ ̵͍̺̻͙̈e̴͍̯̊̌š̷͍͚̮̣̊͑͌ţ̸̃ ̶̱͛̉̽f̶̜̖̟̾̕ú̷̢̚t̴̻̺̿u̵̧͕̩͗͛͝r̴͚͖̿͛̎ừ̶̖m̴͙͖̌̇͜ ̸̢̞͕̲̉̚e̶̙̺͑́s̸̨̰͊s̵͖͓̲̔ē̶̮̕͝͝.̵̙̭̻̓ ̴͚͕͔͓̏̊̿͛F̴̥̗̂̈́͝ư̴̹̼̭͋̇͑ȉ̵̤̻̙̖̿̃͗s̴͔͇̼̆̀͋̈́ͅṣ̸̄ë̶̲͚̱́̾̏ ̵̟͚̝̠e̶͒͜͝ŝ̴͚̜̹͑͜t̶̘͔̲͖͆̈́͒ ̵̝͕͍̈̄̌̚ĕ̸͕̰̂̚ṣ̴̨͌̚s̴̢͔̥͇͘͘͝ë̴̢̈͐͠ ̶̭̞͙̊̍̍͝e̵̢̡̦̅̆ṡ̵͙̏̕ṱ̴̓ͅ ̴̦̺̐̍̈́q̴̭̲́̎u̴̲̗̫͌o̶̹͙̭͒d̵͕͔͖͍̓̎ ̸̨̞̾ä̷͔̖̯̯e̶͓̹͚͂q̴̢͓̮͉̈̿̋u̶̩̲̮̜̕å̸͈̤̼̺̿l̸͎͍͊̈́͌į̷̹̮̑s̸͚̗͊̓̾ͅ ̵̫̪͗̎ȇ̴̡͓̱͉̑̍s̶̛͕̲ͅŝ̶̠̗̕ė̷̺̥ ̵͕̥̣͎̋͒̅ě̵͓̏s̴̭̿t̶̨̤̙̘͠.̵̺̠̞͆̑͑̚͜ ̴̢̝͆̊E̶̲̅̂s̵͕̱͊͆̈́͜t̵̺͈̒͘ ̷̰͋̇f̶̙̘͐̽̒̂ŭ̸͜t̸̨̡̒͋̾u̷͈͔̾̕͜ř̵͉̭͉͂͌̾u̴͇̥̰͘m̸̗̋̐̈́ ̴̩͖̥̈͝e̷̡͊s̷͚̤͈̼͝ṣ̵̜͂e̵͇͐̍́ ̵̪̻̋̍͘é̸̥̖̋͜s̵̢̜̯̎̐͂t̷͓̳͔͜͝ ̴͙͈̝͂̃̉͆q̸̠̭̉̑͗͠ǘ̷͜ŏ̸͙͎̦ͅd̸̨̊̑ ̶̥̼̄͋a̵̧̛̫̝̽͝e̷̛͙͕̽̿͠q̷̭̻̑́͛u̵̡̯̥̓͂̔̾l̵̨̫͎̿͒̏̂i̶̗̗̖̿s̵͈̼̮̣̃̆ ̷̩͙̒́͜e̸͉͐̇s̶͖̑͜ṫ̴̘̳̺͗ ̸̧̤̖͖̄f̴̳̔͗̉͘u̸̲̬͗̎̕i̶̛̗̐̃ŝ̸͖͒s̷̼̙͕̎͋̏͑ȩ̵̛ͅ ̴̧̜̖͓͛̇͘ė̶̤͛͘s̵̼̩̹͊̽s̵̥̺̗͗͊e̵͖̜͂.̷̻̠̟̥̌͆̇ ̴̺̼̺̈́̃̄͂Ĕ̶̩͕͋s̶̨̡͓̖͑͐ ̸͎̏̊̾v̵̲̤̊̇̒i̴̛̮̦̖̺͒d̶̹̻̠̋̈́͝ȇ̶͔͖̳̭͝s̷͕͘ ̵̩̫̯̠̊ë̸̘̓͒̽ṡ̵̯̋t̸̛͇͛̑ ̴͕̳͊͑̂̃q̴̹̹̺̿ư̷͙͓ͅo̷͈̽̚͠ͅd̷̨̝̪̃̓ ̶͓́̑ạ̶̯̮̥̑e̴͖͂̈́̄͝q̷̛̠̤̓u̴͕̓̀͛͠á̶̪̼̻̍͝l̴̘͙̘͇͝ȉ̴͕̗̙̝̑̚s̸̼̅͋̅ ̷͈̦̪͚̈́̑̈́͝e̷̝͈͎͈̐̎͝ș̶̄̄͑t̵̡̯̳̳͛ ̶͙̫̳͗̇̈́e̷̯̬̻͑́̅ͅs̷̜̟̹̕s̷̬̯͚̦̈́͛̃̚e̸͚̩̟̞̒̏͆ ̸̲̞̖̦̂̐͠v̷̭̻̏̀i̸͉͖̿͝s̶͚̲͓̮̍͑͊ǫ̶̱̹̤̇̓͛̾.̴̟̇͛ ̵̥̈́̇͝͠E̸̺͎͕͠s̷̭͑̓t̴̫̳ ̶̡̦͊ė̷̖̅͠s̷̛̺̦̙͙̈́̊s̴̡̺̉e̶̝̖̜͂̈́ ̴̜̓͆̆v̷̫͒͝i̷̭̠̳͕̋̚ş̴̑̐͘͝o̶͖͖̖̅ ̴̹̜́̃̚͜q̶̳̮̹͇͒̒̂ṷ̵͇̚ǫ̵̯̩̈̌͠d̶̛̪̳̪̈́̋̉ ̵̛̦a̸̗̻̺̞͗e̶̟̽̑̂ͅͅq̴̢̼͎̇̏̋͘ǘ̸͉̳̔̽͊͜ä̷̡͙͕́͐͆l̸͎̱̟͛̽͂̕i̴̳̲͒̾s̶̛̬͓̎̈́̊ ̵̻̖͘ĕ̷̱̉͝s̶͎͛̓̑̃t̵̨̖̖͇͛ ̸̟̜̊̂͌é̶̢͍̣̥̀s̵͍̹̹̠̍́̃s̵̰͌͒e̷̙̋͘ ̷̬̗͕͓̾͗̃e̶̗̰̓ş̷̺̯̺̈́t̷̳̪̿̉̔̅ ̵͙͒͛͝v̶̨͈̩̉̉ǐ̸̝̟͗d̶̨͙͌̓͠e̶͕͠s̵̠̰̔̽.̸̝̣͕̇ ̷̡̟̟͆͛̈̾É̸͎̹͈v̵̢̝̖̿̑a̶̼͎̗̋̿̃͘c̴̺̬̮̺͆̃͊u̴̲̐ä̴̢́n̴͚̈́d̵̼͓̦͆̕͝a̴̳̫͗̂m̶̪̥͍̈́ ̵̹̰̗̒̋ṿ̸̀ỉ̴̭͓̗̅͆n̴̪̮̏͌̊c̸̠͋̿͗u̸̼̙͉͐͌̎͜l̴̢̩̂â̸̬̣̾͘ ̷̨̡̲̯̄̑̃ṿ̵͋͒̚̕ę̶̜̔s̸͙̥̹̏̌t̴͉̿͒r̴̨͚̠̚ä̵͇͙́̄̄.̷̛̝͕̙̈͒ ̴͙̖̳͍̃̓̄́Ę̸̬͕̈́v̵̨̳̮͔̏̇â̷̗̲ç̸̫̕ŭ̶̹͚̹͓a̷͖̟̘̒̇n̸̯̐͋d̵̞̮̤͉́̽a̸͎̬̤͔̾̂͂m̴̼̼̓́͊̑ ̶̼̗̫̳̏ṡ̷̩̀̀o̷̬̞͆̓̚̕l̷̛͈͖͈̲̉̈v̴̳̋̿̓͗ě̸͎͖̉ ̸̗̄m̶̩͆e̸̙̅͌t̷̤͇̭̅͌̎̉ͅǔ̵̳̺̃ş̸̗͍͗͑ͅ.̵̪̋͠ ̷̮̰̈́̾E̴̦̤̎͝v̷̲̮̒̂ã̵̤̹͇̰̌͂c̵̦͈͇̔͊̓͜u̶̗̭̾̔a̴̧̢̘̽̿̽n̵̢͂͘d̵̛̪̠̣͜ḁ̵̢̟̙̍̐͘m̴̹̜̼̙̎ ̸̡̻̃̑͛̎m̸͕̥̏̎̅̇ö̷͉͙̏r̷̨̩̭͖̈́̽ṯ̸̠̅͘͝ă̴̢̫̫̜l̴̫̬̺̀̕e̴͍͖͆͂̉ ̷͙͈́̇ë̸̟̱͉́̿̏̾s̵̱̥͓͌͛ẗ̷̟̭̎͝͝ ̵͚͉̯͒͗͌͠ë̶̳́̃͘͠t̶̻̭̝̄͠ ̵̖͊t̷̥̱͐̋e̸̹̒͂̚m̶̖͔͎̈́͊p̷̧̓͘o̷͈̱̙̫͋̓ȓ̵͖̮̣͙̈́͑͘i̴̘͓̽́̋s̶̪̳͕̆͜ ̸͔̎̈́ę̶͕͛͌t̶̡̝̒ ̸̢͜s̶͉̈́̾p̴͓̗͐̕å̶̹̘͛t̸̜͇͋̅̽ȉ̶͖̜i̸͓͇̬͚.̶͔͍̥̖̿̌ ̴̹͕̲̏̆͋O̶̬̙̮̻̔̾m̵̺̳͙̈̍ǹ̶̳͑̕i̵̖̳͋̍ś̴̨̛̒̉c̶͕̝͋̊͜î̶̦̠̅u̸̥̯̎͘͝ş̷̄̑.̸̅̊͋̆͜ ̸͇̹̭̺͌̈Ỏ̵̥m̵̥̌̓̀̈n̷̼̟̖̐̂̅̕i̵̜̽̄͝a̸̠̓͋̀͐-̶͙̹̤͒͝͠v̸͖͍̅ͅi̷̱̯̳̪͆́d̴̘͓̣̈́̓̓e̵̡̨̛̅̽̕r̸̤͆̈́͜e̵̟͚̭̻͆.̸̳̺ ̸̦̫̾Ȇ̸̛͔̯̪͇x̷̟͔͕̓s̵̲̝̭̘̓̏͂̕ȉ̴̘̯s̷̗̦̳͛͆̅̉t̴͔̺̒͌ơ̸̡͇̙͎̾̋ ̸̣̗̾̋̕͠ú̷̠̱͚̤̔̚͝n̸͈̟̘̣͌͊̂͝û̴̟̠s̵̺͙̍̓̎ ̴̟̪̯̳̈͘͠ḙ̵̯̜̆t̶̜̓ ̷̠͙̓̓̒ò̶̘̤̥m̷͈͈̳̲̉̈́n̸̨̞̫͒̉ǐ̷͍̙̺̊̅̎ͅa̴͉̖̩̒͠.̷̤͈͕̺̅͠ ̸̨̛͔́͂̾A̸̳͗̉̓̚m̵̘̓̈̊b̷̡̢͉̞̆͠o̵̼͚̓͆ ̷̱̞̦̮̐̆̚h̷̘̺͒̉͝u̴̢̬̳͗́͗c̴͎̹͓̜̊̊̇ ̸̜̒̏e̷̯͊t̵͙̎̐̑̍ ̵̥̲̼̭̂̌͂s̸̤̦̍͋ĕ̷̼̄͠o̶̻̬̖̓̓̉ȓ̶̮͖̒s̵̢̳͇͕͑̉̕u̶̳̟̽̆m̴̢̭̂̄͐͐.̷̧̱̬̪̈́͗̊ ̸̡̯͙͒̍̕͜P̸̦̠͊̏̽e̴̡͇͍͙̔r̸̛̭͍̰͈̄̾͝a̴̱̓̀̍m̴̢̩̲̬̊͛͛͘b̷̞̳̪̗́u̸̫͙̭̱͛̐l̴̝̦͗o̷̢̒ ̷̭̖͋̄̍ơ̸̯͔̩̔̈́m̷͙̌͝n̶̝̹̬̾ǐ̵͚̲̻͗̕u̸̧͓̒̉m̸̯̟̞̥̔́̄̚ ̶̭̗̥̒̒̈́m̶̘̎̋ủ̵͇̜͍̑͆n̴̠̒d̵̯̺̮̝̀̎̔̍o̷̫̗̩͘s̵̫͂̿ ̴̭̼̝s̵̠̩̗̻͆į̴̳̻̆̆̃c̸̩̭̜̝͊u̵̮̹̿̄̔ť̶̘ ̵̞̥̫̯͠e̴̻͛ŝ̸̖͔̤̌t̵̬͙̝͔̍̿̋̀ ̵̤̬͐͊͒f̵̹̜̘͑̋͌ǐ̴̡̟̤l̷̟̲̊̎̎ͅi̸̳̣͊̋ü̴̮̘̳͑̈s̶͙̱̫͛ ̶͖͓̼̑̿͠ę̴͚̗̌͗͘x̵̰̣͒ ̸̗͉̬̊͗s̴̮̺͓̉͆e̶̦̮̩̼̓͐͘͝n̷̮̝͆͐ǐ̵̭͕͝o̵̭̪͌͜r̸͎̝̯͊̄͠ē̴̖͒̚m̷̡̨̟̊ ̷̡̺̜̲̈́͆̋d̴̩͇̓͠͝e̷̯̐̆̇̌ơ̴̡̪͈̘̌s̸̱̖̰̾̕.̶̼̝̗̼̪̔

̵̡̫̝͚̏̄̈́͜͠Į̶̫͛̇̌̚͘n̸͓̳̲͔̑̎̅̔ ̶̼̭l̷̻͊̑͘͘ụ̸͕̇̅͂̕ͅc̴̳̼̀t̶̟͠ȕ̴͍̩̒͒̓͘ͅs̵̢̧̖̼̃̈́̄̓,̶̙͛ ̴̧̱͒̾͝ȉ̷̧̺̭̗̣͝p̸̧͕̯͔̑͐̉͂s̸̞̬͍̊͌͛̾u̷̧̢͚̙̰̓m̵̲͓̍͛͒̏͜ ̵̰̤̺͙̣̒ȩ̴̀u̴̳̿̎̕̕ ̵̛̬̳̄͘v̷̞͑ã̴͚̞͐ŗ̷̨̪̬̓̆̔͘i̴͍̔̀̊̓̂ȗ̸͈̙͜s̸̨͖͋̄̄͝͠ ̵̙̐f̸̰͙͓̜̩͊e̷̮̫͔͗͊̓r̵̮̃̾̊̄͝m̵̡͙̞̝͚̏͛̇̚͠e̷̯̼̾̄n̵̞̼̞̞̩͌̋ť̸̞̈́̉̊̕u̶͉̯͋̋͂m̶̳̳͚͇̫̋̑̍͋̒,̴̻͚̚͠ͅ ̴̜̓̊͜ņ̵̞̤̜̐̚u̶̢̨̜͕̐̑͜n̸̢͖̦̣̽c̴̪͉̺̜͑̔ ̵̪̦̈̿̃̈a̶̧̤̲̞̐̌̔̋̚n̷̛͕̘͐̓ẗ̸͔͓̯̈́̊͛͜e̵͔̯̱͕̩͊̾ ̸̨̜̊p̸̨̖̱̮͗l̶͉͔̓͛̈́͜a̵̟͔̔͛̐͗͛ͅč̴̝̠͙̞̂̚ḙ̷̫̮͕̀̚r̵̛͚̉̽a̴̺̼̼̐̆̓ț̴̹̓ ̷͎̥͎̤̔͜d̷͈̫̥͌̂̐̄ǔ̶̡̹̻̜i̷͊͛̑̏͜,̴̼̳̈́̅̅ ̴̡̼͓͋v̴̗̫̝̥̾͐̇̋͜͠ĕ̷̡̧̜̠͈͑͌̈́͝l̸͙̮̮̘͒͌̇͛͘ ̵̘͙̙͕̅̉͐p̴̩̳͍͖͋̀̏̊͜͝ö̷̮̼̝̉͜ŗ̸̣̝̟̭͝t̴̯̥͐́̉t̶̻̜̓̎̅i̵̤̮̞͛̈́́t̷̔͆͂̒ͅo̶̤̠̳͍͎̾̑͊̂r̷̛͕͍͈̦͔̉̓̌͋ ̵̖͔̖̻̻̐̿͂l̸̛̘̙̫̻͒̀͒͘ę̵̛̥̟̺͇̎̉̓ö̸̘̰̉ ̸̢͖̐̇͊͐a̸͖̪̲̣̍n̸͕͗̈́͋̚t̸͎̰̘͎͒̄e̸̬͌̽͑̓͜ ̶̻͎̱̩̀͋̍̐ē̷͈̬͇̎g̸̨̃͒̋ḙ̵͂͌͐̄ṫ̸̡̺̹͚́͛̔ͅ ̸̨͚̗̱̝̌̂n̵̨̯̻̞̐̀ų̸̬̬́̈́͛n̴̫͍̯̮͙̽c̵̡̩̰̱̿.̵̮͕̘̂̈́ ̴̯̫̱̾̅C̵̰͋̐͛r̶͇̦̍̓̈́̿͛a̷̦̝͑s̸̩͛̆̔ ̸͖̣̱̮̗́̓ē̸̖͍̹̣̝r̶̩̰̜̺̞̄ä̵̟̫̫́͊ͅt̷͕̤͈͇̾͒̾̌̄ ̵̟͂n̸̮̆̋̅̈͝u̶̬͓̱͓̚l̶̛̤̅̾̌̐l̸̘͇͉̗̗̈̃̕ă̵͇̩̤͉͍̑,̵͖̠̭͚̄͘̚ ̸̘̗̻͍͗̔̕̚c̷̣͕̺̏̍̄͜͝o̴̞̫̾͐͊ͅn̵̥̞͐̔̄̈́͝v̵̨̢̨̞ā̶̛̘̟̲̩l̵̡̜̬͆̂̄l̷̡̻͙̂i̴̱̖͕̳̋̆͛͌̈s̶͓͓͈͊ ̴̞̞̉̀͘͝ȋ̸̳̳̜̕d̶͙̼̜̆̓ ̷̘͚̦̎͊r̷̺͜͝u̴̺̻̺͖͋ţ̵̡̛̙̘͋͗̏͋ṟ̶̢̛̼͉̥͊u̴̱͆m̷̧̐̂̍͒ ̶̼̖̉̌n̵͍̳͉̰͐͑̎̒e̷̤̥̤̋̒͒͝ͅċ̷̨̦,̴͕̇̚͜ ̷͎͈͛s̷̖̰͗ë̵̜́̎̎͝m̴̨̮͚̑̍͗p̵̝͕̮̪̆̾e̶̟͍͈̞͛͋r̶̢̞͔̿̈́ ̸̛̩̊̔͝ȗ̴̱t̷̥͓̞̬͛̄ ̶̤̫̩̘͒̅̔ͅn̴̨̪̗͙̈͐ȅ̵̖̫̂q̵̢͖̓̓̅͛̏ü̶̢̻e̶̲̝̖̱͗̎͂.̷̗̒͊̉̈ ̵̡̈́͑̐͘S̵̳̥̮̫̏͆͑͆ȅ̷̥̭̃̑ḑ̵͎͝ ̸̢̲̗̏n̸͖̺̣͍̚o̶̧̢̠̣̿́̅n̷̮͓̗͊̆̉̈́̚ ̵̧̥̘̳͌͂̓̃û̶͍̦͍͍̲͒l̴̞̻͈̇t̵̟̹́͑̎͋r̷̺̯̈̅͊̉ḯ̶̙̣͋͆č̶̣̝ė̵̛͎̲̙̭̠́̓s̸̙͓͙̆̄ ̴̧̮̱̍̃͑̂ä̶̢̧͈̖̓̾͂͌ṷ̵̂̈͑͘͝g̵̻̟͠u̶̬̯͕͋̋͆̔ͅe̶̡̙̠̙̿̋̒,̴̡̥͘ ̴̯̈̐ṵ̶̣͚̅͜͝ṫ̵̲̪͗̈́ ̷̧̉̈́t̸̞͍̍̃̑͠ě̸͔̥͜͝͝ḿ̸͙͜p̸̩͓͐o̶̧̲̮̦̱̍̍͌r̸͕̝̻̰̝̈ ̶̨̫͔͚́n̸̦̱̫͆̑i̶̼̘̓̏͜s̸̰̎͝l̴͇̹̞̲̗̽.̸̺̮̲̹̀̋ ̸̖̘͕͝D̵̟̮̅ü̶̢ȋ̷̧̹̹̣̏̈́̌͝s̴̬̮̬̲̏̉̓̇͝ ̵̠̏̿q̷̲̒͐̈́̉͒u̸͙͆͜i̸̩̯͓̙̟̔̈́̏s̶̜̬͚͇̑͋̄̈ ̶̧̝̣̺̭͗̿͝ṛ̷͍̞͐̊͑͘ï̵̬̘̼̮̮̍͆̈͝s̴̯̝̔̅͂͘͠u̶͔̣̭̽͋s̷̼̘͈̆͂͂̽ ̵̠̀͐͑̈́v̸͉̄͊į̵̛͔̺̔̉͆͘t̶̻͛͆a̶̗͈͌e̸̬͚̮͙̟̎ ̷̨̲͍̪̄̾̋e̴̝̪̓̒̃͘x̷̫̍̓ ̵̳͔̮̞̤́̇̓č̶̡̫̗̔̾͗ȕ̷̻͘ͅr̵͍͍̤̪̾̀̊͝ṡ̴̢̞͎͙u̵͓̬͌̾̊̕͠ͅṩ̴̈́͌̎͝ ̶̳̼̞̬́f̴̖̱̈́̈́̈́a̸͖͇c̷̛͈̝͐͗̋̄i̷͔͙̅̈́͑͒̏l̸̜̝̗̻̏̎̋ĭ̷̟̇͒̍s̴̢̮͑i̵̫̓ͅş̴̩̌̐̕͘͘ ̵̲͇͙͎̓̓͜ȇ̵̳̔t̴̢̥̋ ̸͕͈̦̈́̓̐͝v̶̳̫̤̤͑̅e̶͇̘̝̋̆̚l̸͍̘̐̌͆ ̵̥̼̪̩̅͛͠j̸̞͂ȗ̵̞̟s̶̖̱͒͑̋t̸̨͉̣͖̹̃͒o̴̧̖͉̪̖͌͝.̵͈̥̟͇̳̐̆́ ̴̡̜̳̈́̽̈́̚P̷͍̟̠̼̆ͅr̸̬͔̽a̷̛̙͚̖̣͊̏̽͌e̴͈͍̔s̵̨̞͙͙̙̈́̌ḛ̷̢̨̊n̵̦̆͊ṭ̷̥̀͝ ̴̹͐̐̚m̷͚̬͙͘͜͠ǫ̵̡͖̹̂̑́l̴̖̱̝̹̀̅͜͝e̶͉̗̱̯̭̽s̴̡̗͓̲̬͠t̴̪̋͌̇͆i̵̜̳͐̓̚ĕ̶̙̾ ̴̳̣͍͈͋ͅd̵̰̗͆̂̽i̷͓̦̟̳̿͌͋̉c̷̟̃̄̒t̴̛̺̑̂ȗ̸̪̈́̌̿̅m̶̢͎͕͗̊̃̾ ̸̨͍͙̥͚̐͌̉̋͋f̴̹̙͒͝e̷̖͇̬̹̖͊̍r̶̪͙͛̅͂m̸̭͙̍͑ě̸̡̺̱̳͎n̶̢̗̩͑̓t̴̡̰̤̲́͒̚ü̴̞̐͌͘m̶͈̮͔̖̑̆̉̎͝ͅ.̶̫̜̠̍̔ͅ ̷̢̗̠̩͋̾̔Ę̶̦͔̟̳̄̎̓͊t̵̹͙̠̽i̷̡̟̻̖ȃ̶͙̗́̍̃̎m̵̩̭͚̺̣͐̎͌͛ ̵̥͚̃͌͗͘ų̵̲̔̏̉̂t̴̥̬̺̋ ̴̪̹̪̠̃͊͆̎͜l̶̥̯̥̪̇͊ë̵͖͕́̍̕͠c̴̣̲̺͉͔͋́t̶͖̉̈́u̸̲̎̓͗͝s̸̢̨̯̙͔͑̈́͗ ̶͉̔c̵͖̹̕ȗ̴̧̳̳͑͊ͅr̵̳͎̤̈́̽̑̕ṣ̵̞͘u̷̬̝̲̱̳͒s̶̫̯̋̾͛͝,̴̦̗̮̻͔͝ ̷̙̟̔͛͛̃͗ẗ̴̻͍̪͌͒̃ḯ̴̭̟̤̮̲ņ̶̞͙͔̮̓̈́̆̕̕c̶̞̱̍ḭ̶͓̪͓̰͂͐̎d̶̫̟̿̿͊͗u̷͛̐͋̕͜͠n̴͉͓̼̋̓̕ẗ̶̝́̈̈́ ̷͈̜̘̌͝j̶̨͙̰͍́̓͂̚͠ű̵̩̺̟͕̉̌s̴̗͂̋̈́̈́͠ṫ̶̼ǫ̴̩̩̐͆̐ͅ ̷͍̮̭̫̲̎̈́̍v̵̥̝͗̅e̷̯̪̿̔̓̆͛l̵̹̤̪̟̬̈́̌̔̚,̴̪̯̓̽̾ ̵͙̦̟̺͒́a̵͈̪͂͛̾̏l̴̟̿͠i̷̧̍q̶͉̍ư̴̙̯̐̒̑̈́ḙ̸̡̗̱͋̔͋͠t̸̡̥̝̪̍͊̈͘ ̴͖̆̔̅̽p̵͇̼̞̬̪̔͂̊̄u̸̖̱̍͋̈́̇̕ȑ̵̡̘̫̰͌ṵ̵͇̣̾s̵̞̖͙͛̎͜.̵̡̥̯̄͒́̚͘ ̸̱͕͔̖̀̑͝D̴̼̙̂̍̓ǫ̷͋̔͠n̸͍̈e̵͎͓̞͆̏͘̕c̸̛̯͚̖̋̾ ̵̞̱̣̼̏̌̿i̵̧̤̟̒͗̍̊͝n̶̦͊̈́ ̵̲̱͛̃̇͝n̵̝̖̞͉̘͒i̸̤̬̟̳͌̈͐̄͘b̷̯̠̟̏̓̈́̾ḥ̶̇̆̕ ̶͚̯̃͆̋̾͝ḛ̵̎ŕ̷͚̠̂̋̈́o̵̺͘s̴̛̥̼̔̐.̴̬̲̒ ̵̠͍̲̖̄̆͜Ą̷͈̜̑̆͌l̸͈̑i̴̟͆́͌͜q̵͔͗͆͝u̴̝͎͐͐̓ä̴̻́̈̏̂͠m̵͔͝ ̸̧̤͎̹̥͛a̷̜͕̿͒̒t̵̢̢͓̺̎̕͝ ̴͇̗͙̄̅̃̓p̶̨̼̮̭͇̌h̷̫̽͆͋̚ả̶̢̰̲̺̌̈́͝r̵͖̤͖̾̏͒̒͂ͅe̴̡̛͇̲̤̾̂̓̈́t̸̬̑͗̉͊͌r̸͖̰͇̈́̓͊a̵̰̱͆̾͛̕͠ ̸̫̀͊̓͑r̷̞̬͎͉͋͂̃͌́i̴̢͇̻̹̪͐́̿͝ș̴̜̈u̵̬̐ͅs̷̫͊̌͗̎͠.̷͙̠̹̩̈́͆͜ ̸̨̆̃̂N̸͂͂̆̚ͅu̴̮̠̽͒ń̶̗͙͖̽̕c̸̺̻̮͠ ̴̰̥̈́͐̏̕ẗ̴͙̮̮̣́̔͒̈́͜͝e̸̝̜͓̠͋̈́͐ͅm̵̞͛̌p̴̠̥̠͚̓̒̉͝o̶̮͇͆̓͊̈́r̵͇͗͝ ̴͓̬̃͠c̴̞͕̈ó̴͇̹̫̭̅̒n̵̛̖̉̉ğ̴̤̳̻̻͐͂̍͌u̶͉͎̔̕ȇ̶̟̞̓̈͒ͅ ̵̧̙͍̼̤̇d̷̛̠̗̫ͅa̷̧̨͙̯͙̒̿̆̈p̷̹͚̒̈̈͘i̸͙̞̫̗̔̈́͐͝b̵̧͚̳̲͙͗̾̑͆̄ū̸͈ş̸̮̩͔̚͜͝.̸̺̞̣͕̿͒̿͗͜ ̸̧͉̔Č̵̯̩͋͜l̸̤̩͙̺͗͒̍͆̔ȃ̴̺̖͙̩͑̓̓s̸̡̫̰̜̠̈̓̐̓̚s̷̘̝̠̣͓̉ ̷̒̏̓͑͜å̷̲̆̕p̵̝̫̱̮̣͌t̸̝̘̣̤͒è̴͇̠͚n̶̻̂̒t̴̛͚̝̔͋̑͛ ̴̫̈́̎͂͠t̶̨̻͍̒̋͒̕͝a̸̧͙̬̦̜̽͂͝c̶̢̭͙̫͙̈́̄͗ì̷̢t̸̡̹̟̑̔̋͝͝ḭ̷̧͙͒̄ ̶͕̓̆̑̔͠ŝ̴͎̏ö̶͖̹͈̗͚̀ç̵͉͍͗í̷͈̱̫͗̚͠o̵̼̣̠̚s̸̯̮͓͑̍̈́̋͌q̶͓̝͍͎̃̎̉̏ͅȕ̷͎͝ͅ ̴̢̈̉̍̅a̵̺̤͠d̵̦̾̋ ̴̤̜̔l̵̛̫͎̠̪͔͛̃i̶̛̛̦̩͉̎̽̒t̵̨̞̟̥̜͛̆̆͛ȯ̴̭̣͜r̶̠͛a̴͉̱͎͛̀̽͗͜͝ͅ ̸͙ţ̴͈͔̬̤͐̆͂o̷̧͖̫͋̆͛r̸̹̂̃͒q̶̛̰͒̃ű̸̲ḙ̴͗̇̕n̵̢̦̩̘̖͑͆̋̔͠t̶̤̑̉͛̕ ̸̥̑͂̉͌͑p̶͎͈̅̚ė̶͍r̸̰̺̓͆̽̒̄ ̵̢̣͎̠͉̈́c̸̛̫̹̦̐͗͒̔ọ̷̪̅n̷̢̨̗̺͍͑̇͝u̶͉̝̇͌͊͐̈́b̶̳͂͑í̷̛̞̱̈̀̎a̴̡̲̜̠͌ ̶͇͉̬̱̈̇̾ṉ̵̡̥̭̇̇ö̷̫̱̱̻͙́́̈́͘͝s̴̹͎͋ṫ̸͚͈̪͉r̷̬͉̈́̐͆̎͝a̸͙̞̾̄͗̈,̸̛̗̔ ̸̨̘̬̤̣p̵̘̝̞̐̇̃͘e̷͖͈̽̂͗r̷̠͒ ̷̥̽̌͠i̸̘̩̣̾͗̒ṉ̷̙͈̰̣̈č̶͔̦͙͚̿̀͛͒ȇ̷͈̮͕̼̍͆͘ͅp̸̘̪͈̰̫͝t̴̬̟͖̪͗͌̓̍̕o̶̮̜̠͉͐̏s̴̘̪̉̉͒͝ ̶̨̛̙͇͘ḩ̷͓͚́ï̴̬̻̝m̸̩͍̹͚͘e̷͙͔̠͇̓͘n̴͖͎̞̝̂̈̿͝ͅȃ̸̜͔̦ë̵̙̥̗̫́͒͗͜ỏ̴͈̠̼̑̀̕ŝ̶̼̬.̷̡͚̣̱̀̋ ̵͇̈̈́́̏͌P̶̹͙̖̓̈́̕h̴̰͌̕a̸͓̝̦̝̭s̵̥̪̅͗̈ë̷̪̳̗̲̏̓l̴̟̚l̶̡̟͐̌͜ͅu̵̗̝̎̐͘s̷̯̃ ̶̡͎͍̻̦̍̄̕͝m̴̢̥̦͓͊͜a̸̜͓͐̿ͅu̷̻͠ŕ̷͓͚͆͐i̴̯͛͋̐̾s̴̤̫̳̿͛ ̴̢̢͕̩̦͗̊̄o̵̦̳̺̣̐̂̀͌d̷̟̭͚͂̍̈̒͝i̶̯͖͍̎͒̊̏o̴̦̤̊̆,̴̢̪͚̺̕ ̸͒͒͜͠a̵̡̟̣̼͋̚c̸̛̭̒͐̚c̶̛̘͓̠͇̀̆̿u̷̡̢͙͗m̶̲̹̔s̶̰̝͛͑͠ḁ̶͇̇̽͠n̷̘̣̳̹̱̽̏͝ ̵̪͇̺̟̙̀̈́̎̍ù̷̪̹̥̩͑̓t̴̨̢̞̮̟͒̏ ̵̛͖̚ḿ̶̟a̷̦̽t̷͓̹̟̺̃͒̄̃ͅṱ̷̡͕͚͉̓̓i̶̛̬̫̫s̷̤͙̣̟͊̽͑ ̸̡̥̭̑̈́̚q̶̳̖̱̅ǔ̵̗̟i̵̟̜̞̽̆̍͝s̷̤͔̋,̶̢̪̕ ̸̢̩͓̍͌̀͘͘ù̵̧̳̯̖̖̔͛̍͂ḻ̸̞̤̝̄̈́̔͒͜ṯ̷͕͈̲͑̇̀ȓ̴̹͖̐͋i̸̢̹̤̻͛̔͒̽c̴̖̻͋ȩ̸͇̲̓̆̈͗̚s̸͕̝̳͋ͅ ̵̟̝̿͑̒s̷͇͑ͅe̸͔͐̑d̷͍͖̭̏ ̴̭͒͑d̴̪͖̭̈́̏͊̈́͂o̶̳̤̻͒͌̀̈͑l̸̝̻̠͆͘̕ơ̶̜̺̗̠͒͌͜r̷͎̥̈͑͆.̴͖̭̫̗̋ ̷̠̪͛̏̽͘ͅǏ̶̜̩̞̾̀̐̕ņ̷̪̍͌͘͠ ̸̬̂̒̌͛l̴̮͉͋ͅa̶̻͙͎̮̮̎̈́͑̓c̵̦̔̈͂̽͝û̸̠̺̍̉͜s̵̺͇̰͖̥̈́͋͋͂ ̴͙̙͖̭̱͛̊n̷̡̲̺͍͉͗̉į̶̹̤̈̈́̐̌͜s̸̡̢̭̗̹̀̃̊ỉ̶̝̠̙̼,̸̙̹̰̏̽̓͠ ̴̟̾̊̔͝ͅr̴͓̮͈̺̝̋͠u̷̻̖̠͌̎̚̚͝ͅt̵͙̂̏̑ͅř̵͓̞̱͛̍͘̕u̸͖̪̍̂̅͘̕m̴̰͖̊̈́͊ ̷̣̗̊͒̕i̸̧̱̺͆̄͗̕d̷̟̳̗̆͜ ̷̛̫͂̊̇̎m̶̩̥̐a̵͇̪͉͔̍͐͠g̶̬͚̻͊̽͗̐̚͜n̵̡͇̪̲͔̂a̷̝̗̾ ̸͖͋̄n̴͖͙̱͈̏̐̀̓̐ö̵̰̦̠̯́̿n̴͇̂̂̿̚,̴̲̯̔̊̅̈ ̴͈̔̉̽͆m̵̻̤̞̖̔̿a̸̛̼̩̐͑̚ẍ̸̡̰́i̵̗̓͠m̶̢̯̼̮͐̓ű̸̧̮̞̬̽̍s̷̛͕̣̃̇͌̏ ̶͙̙͕̉̔͠e̸͈͋̔g̸̩͕̜̓e̸ͅș̶͓̄ͅţ̵͚̦̈́̑ä̶̧̧̬̈́̚͝s̷̛̥̖̝̈́̽̋ ̸̧̫̯̑̓̃͠ͅͅn̵̛̤̍̍ͅẻ̸̬͍̳͊q̵̡́̈́͌͆ͅŭ̶̥̞̈̐͠e̷̢̡͕̲̲̎̇̓̉̽.̴̛͕̬̙̱͝͝

̵̭̳̉̅͘͜P̴͔͚̜̒̂̆͝ͅe̶̖̖̲̿͗̐̎ļ̸̭̣̦͊͜l̴̡̼͙͗̓̌̿e̷̛͚͉̳̒̈́n̴̢̳̏t̴̛͎͎̝͜e̴̛̤̳̔̎̕s̷͉̯̄͛q̸̧̛̪͉̍͆ṹ̴̬̦ͅê̸̖͕̖̲̅͂͊͜ ̸̧̿͑e̴̥̼̖̰̒ṭ̴̍͆ ̵̭̼̤̮̟̾͘͝l̷̘̲̤͈̆̈́̕i̶̲̘͋̽̏g̸̙̪̔͝u̴͚̜̠͎̫̎͊l̴̙̂̿ą̴̺̳̤͓̚ ̸̬͉̙͚͒͐q̵̛̺̻̙u̶͎̠̱̦͇̍î̸̞̔̏̔̋s̸̞̗͎̈́̂͜ ̸̧̧̘̦̾̔̌a̵͖͈̽̓̈́̃̑ư̶̤͒͝g̷̫͍̙̙̼͋u̵̼̳͚̘͌̕e̷̫̾ ̶̧̯̰̯͍͊s̸̡͔͋̀̋ų̵̭̒̿̐̕s̵̪͕̮̲͕͌̿͒̅̚c̶̫̯̦̏̈͝i̶͉̲͔̭͗͐̂̍̈p̴̡̧̛̲͙̄̇̓i̸̩̘͓͈̞̓̕t̵̝̀̎̂̓͠ ̴̮͈̇̈́̈ë̸̥͙̩́̾͘ĺ̷͕͎̥͜͜e̵̞̋̇m̵̹̅̀é̴͓n̵͕̗͗̓̈̓t̴̲͓͖̳̝͊̏̀̿u̵̩̣̼̺̪͂m̶̦̈́̂̋̚.̵̻̤̳̼̊̕ ̴̩̠̔̒S̶̱͑̈e̶̡̗̻̹͈͆d̵͔̥͙̉͜ ̵͕̙͈̭͗͊̀͑̕e̵̠̟̥̭̓̕ţ̸̭͊̉́̈́̉ ̵͈͈̣͕͕͐l̵͕̏̇a̸̜͔͚͎͆c̵̤͑̆̈į̷͖̜͈̟̇̏͝͠n̸̲̱̻̙̒̊͊͐͘ḯ̴̖̿̊͆͆a̸̗̬̰̘͇͋ ̸̞͇͐̆̀͛q̶̡̯̳̝̰͊ű̷̩̯͙̻̺̾̆́͘a̶̞̍͆̎̉m̸̤̮̘̩̠̍̊̌.̵̘̩̖̪̿̈͛̅ ̴͍̟̖̜͕̃̈̓̿͝P̴̧͔͓̺̼̐̃͛̐͝r̷̤̯̣͍̟̀̋ő̶̥̥͔̙̉͐͝ͅi̷̖̯̝̾n̷̦̺̤̈͂̂̕͝ ̸̗͈̩̞͐͒͆ḙ̵̥͋̾̋̚ḻ̶̈́ë̴̺̤͎́̀͆͂m̷̨͓͍̙̋̓ę̸̩͂n̵͕̺̟̰̐ţ̵̦̗͍̇ṷ̶́̄͠͝m̶͖̞͊͜͜ ̷̝̰̐͛̚f̵̧͕͍͈͐̅̔̇͝ͅȇ̷̹̺̓̊͘r̵̻̠̦̄̈m̵̘̪͓̌̇̅͝e̴͉̹̯͐̒̄͜ͅn̷͇͙̈́͑͗t̴͚̠̠̩̤͒u̶̧̇̍͝m̴̯̩͍̈̅̄͐͂ ̸͕̝͛͗d̸̪̓̐͛̇i̷̢̛͙̊̈́͗͂c̸̨͓͉̘͐̑̉t̷̠̥̻̫̄̓̌̚u̸̡͎͌͐̚m̴͕̒̇̽̚.̵̗̙͈̠̑͆͝ ̵̡̛̗̥͔̈́̔̈͝N̶̖̈́ả̵͈͌̽̈ṃ̷̩͙̘̈̄̚ ̶̡̠̜̦͖͑͐̋͝v̷̲͒͂e̷͖͙͌̅͆̕͝s̴̞͍͙͊t̸͎̽̽̏̓͌i̵̢̦͓̐b̶̧͍̹̤̚ȗ̴̡̨͚̪͈͛l̵̤̪̳̘͒ư̸̟̺̝͉̓̐̐̊͜m̶̲̜̜̠̎ ̶̨̥͐̆ş̸̢̻͚̠͒e̷̢̢̦̻͑͌ḿ̴̛̖͉͇̭ ̸͖͓͊͘͝l̴̗̭̓î̶̺͙̕ͅb̵̛͍̊̾̎̀e̵͖̐́r̶̢̜͎̲̘͌̂͐̄͊o̵̻͎̥͉̿͒͠,̴̬̬̫̐͑͆̓͝ ̸̹̋̄̅̇̈́v̸̝͚̙̞̤̀̅̽̀̕i̵̹̱͓̮̇̾t̷̡͈̂͋a̸̠̬̲̾e̶̫̩͉̙̹͒͐͘ ̸̺̻͘c̵͔͋͝ö̸̢̬̝̟̽̕n̴͚̾͗̋̋̂v̸̛̻̱͉̥͑̊ȁ̶̦͕̖̖̄l̴͍̥͚̪̐̾ĺ̴͙͉͓͇̈̒̃ȉ̶̢͈̙̒š̶̞̘̤͈͕͗̍͝ ̶̢̲̼̫̺e̵̥͈̘̲͆̈́͜x̴̱̖͂̽͗̂͠ ̵͈̜͋̚ͅṡ̸̢̽͑̆o̷̯̓̽̕͝l̴͍̟͌̿̑̀̆l̸̟̿͊̓̕͝ȋ̸̡͔͇̦̈́͊͜c̷̢̘͍̞͈̑ḯ̵̺͔t̴̺̪̩̰͌û̸̟̳d̶̫̫̭͔͇͛̔i̴͕͇͓̭͔̒̃̔n̶͖̾͝ ̴̨̤̼̣̂̒̀̍n̷͈͔͆͋̈̆e̶̝̣̺̮̽̎̒̾̈́c̸̡̥͖̠̟̾͒̂̑.̸̮̱͋ ̶̖̔̔̈͒M̵̦̙̥͚̙͆̔͘ą̶̉̿̈́͑̏u̷̧͚̱̖͋r̶̢̠̓ỉ̶͚͑̐͑ṣ̴̱͑̓ ̷̭̮̟̩̆̈́s̵͚̱͛́̎͂̕a̴̡͆g̸̫͎͍̾̇ī̸͉͙̺̦͝t̵͇̫̐t̵͈̜͔͔͗̐̈̚͜í̷̢̨̡̳s̷̢̼̗̅̋̎ ̴̨̳̲̏͠ņ̷͓̻̑̽͗̇ͅī̷͎̮͙̃͂s̴͎̠̓̈́͌̿͘i̴͍̰͉͇̽ ̵̢̱̺̙͈̏̇͠m̸̘̜̤̋̇̈́͜͠a̶̡͈̪͓͌͊̔̕u̶͙͍̗̞̮͛̌̐r̶̗̘̦͙̟̾̊̅͠ȉ̷̠͐s̵͓͌͋,̵͕̰̦̈́̀ ̴̣̪̗̠̝̽͐̐̐͠ȩ̶͈͈͑̑̄͗͘g̷̢̧̺̺̐͜ë̵̦̘͉́t̸͓̼͋͗̒̕ͅ ̷̬̿̎̏̃̃ṭ̵̢̠̩̘͆ĭ̶̥̋̏̚n̵͖̓c̷̨̦̺̙̼̐̔̄̄ḯ̵̛̤̳͙̫d̵̛̗̦̘ű̷͙̬̽̐͝ͅń̸̳̖͓̯̎t̷̙̮͓̥̄̆̓̕͝ ̴͖̘̙̗̦̆̔͆̄e̸̛͕̞̗̳͛̈͒s̸̩̫̲͐̾̂͋͘t̵̼̼̬̜̆͒̊ ̴̜͂ȃ̸̧̧͓̙͜l̷̨̦͉̟̉͘i̴̢̬̟̻͗q̷̗̮͙̰͒̈́̈́̉̆u̸̗̾̂͜ǎ̴̖̞͆̽͐m̵͚͙̺̟̺̊̑̐̃ ̴̛̙͔̰̃͋̽ṅ̸̪̖͙͔̀̌̐e̵̢̩̭͐͝͝č̴͓͇̰͐.̸̧̛̭̻̙͓ ̷̨̢̰̜͋̓̆ͅN̷͚̣͗͂͒̕͜͝ų̸̳̖̳͚̂̃̋͋l̸̟͒͜l̷̮ậ̴̖͎̜̟̐̏͋͊ ̷̧̼̊̉͐̅f̶̪͓̗͙̈͐͆͒͠ͅa̴̘͍̜͍͚͐c̵̟͔̗͑̅͋ì̷͎̫̬̓͆͒̑l̴͉̣̅̓͜ị̴̃̿s̸͎̭̘͔̼͂̒̈́̀i̷͕̎͊͒͒́.̸̧̹͇͓͙͑̆̎ ̸͓̼̈́V̸͈̤̝͕̮̒̏́̈̇e̴̥̮͚̮̍͌͘ͅs̸̠̮̠̐t̶̻͈͑̔͑̄ỉ̷̮̘̭̅͊͆͝b̸̹͖̊̒ủ̵̦̳̐̕l̵͚̽̍͌͝ú̶͙̤̯̼m̷̩͕̐͒ ̷̪̗̿͘͘n̷̨̻̹̞̈́ö̵̦̘́̀͝n̷̝̯̅̕ͅ ̵̤͛̌t̶͔̗͇̋̆͊͘ẻ̸̺̀l̷̢͕͑l̶̞̭͈͔͗u̷̱̭͈̽̀͜ŝ̸̲ ̵͖͋̅s̶̞̘̤̠̊͑̍i̶̼͝ẗ̸͉̩́͝͝ͅ ̵͍̈́ä̶̼̖̩͉́͒̊̂̚m̵͙̗̥̃͋͝e̴̢͍͍̩͙̓̄̏̑̈́t̵̨͉̳̳̒̔̈́̎ ̴͕̩̩̃̄͌̈́͝ņ̴͛͗̐͝͠ḙ̵͗q̸̺̄ú̶̡̏ḙ̴̂̆ ̷̯̈͒͂͝ṫ̵̯͙̔ͅi̷̗̽̀͋̔n̸͈̋̃c̷̨̢̣̥̚͜i̵̜̩̮̒̃͐͜͝d̸̺̿̆̄̓͗ư̷̗̰̊͐̕͝n̸͍͗̈́̏̽t̴͓̓̽̈́̓ ̵̥͆́̈́m̵͙̓̓̎a̶̪̒̌̀͝x̴̢̳̮͛̏̚͘͝i̷̦̺͈͐ṃ̶̤̔̇̋͐͌ù̴̬̻̗̪̹s̵͖͎̿̐̿́ ̸͓̞̞̅̏̔͘͜ș̴̦̙̕ỉ̵̝͌̔͋̅ͅt̶͍͝ ̶̳̟̗̌̓̀̓̚a̸̱͌m̴͓͍͙͒e̷̢͙͖̻̕t̷̗̂̊͝ͅ ̴̢̢̰̉̔͑̕͝a̵̗̞͖͐̅͐ ̴̟̟̇͝ṋ̷̫̐̌̓͊i̶͚̝͎̼̒̓͐͋̌s̶̝̳̣̗͖͊́̃ļ̴͇͔̼̱͊͐̆̽͆.̷͙̲̌͐͝ͅ ̶͚̺͇̩͖́͝P̵͖̿h̴͔̃̃a̸͔͕̱̝̾̄̃̅s̵̹̻̫̝̿͌̋͠e̶̡̬͛͑̃l̶͖͙͐͛l̴̢̹͍̖̖͊̾̄̽ǔ̵̟̥̳͎̕͜s̷̙͔̔͘͠ ̶͔̩̺̋̈́̊̈ṗ̶̫̤͖ͅő̷̩̲̙͉͎̚͝͝r̸̢̹̦͉̈́t̷͓̹̤͍̩̋̋̓͗t̴̠̤͍̏͋̚̚i̷̫̟̠̥͝ţ̶̼̌̓͠͝ö̶̧̟͖̯̭́̃̈́̕r̵͙̮͒͊͘,̵̧͍̘̻̫̏͐ ̸̙͈͇͙̞̓ų̷̟̃̀͑̆̚ͅr̵̨͎̯̾n̸̡̛̗͚͓͑͝ạ̴̧̼͍̟̇ ̸͖̅í̵̛͚͝n̶̫̞̰̞̈́͑ ̴̰̼̺̼̗͆͝d̷̳̙͎̳̄i̸̤͂ĝ̶̢͔̦̭ṋ̷͔̩̫̹̉i̵̱̣͓̽̒͗̎ş̸̛̪͇̤̮͒͋ș̴̲̀̿̌̅̋i̶̳̊̅̾̋m̸̖̫̠͊̐̉ͅ ̷͍̞̗̙̈́͌f̷̛̺ŗ̶̛̛͈͖̦̫͛ḭ̵̢̙̲͚̓̽̌n̶̝̓͂g̵̼͈̮̉̃̈͘i̵͖̠̹͙͊ͅl̸̬̤͕͙̈͊l̴̡͔̝̠͎̆͂͆̓ȁ̷̧̅͋,̴̢͈̬͉͙̀̌ ̶̧̡͔̳̤͒̃̂̚ų̸̧̠̘̹̃͌͂r̵̨̀n̵̜̗̊͝͝ã̸̧̞̥͎͗͌̕ ̴̰̅a̴̛̘̝̦̙͇̔̀r̷̡̪̰͎̈́̑͛ͅc̷͕̻͖̝̓ù̶̫̺̞̖͆̐̒̚ͅ ̸̫͑̒l̶̝̼̈́̍͒̈́̇ą̶͈͎͋̓̃̚͜ö̶̖͍̞̳́r̴̡̢̙̲̓̾̊̚͝ȇ̶̛͙̼̐̿͗ȩ̷̍̃̿̎͝t̸̳̼̝̺̜̐̍͂ ̸̦̔͊l̴̹̣̅ī̶̫̯b̶̯̳͓̺̈̊̊e̶͕̘͈͇̯̒ȑ̴͇̤͚̤̄͠ŏ̸̦̹̻͝,̴̫̙͍͌͋̈́͝ ̷̜͎͍̟́̋͝ͅḛ̴͚̻̞͕̄͐̾g̵͔͋ë̷̮̘̳̏t̶͕̓̌͘͜ ̷̻̜̣͍͋̓ͅv̴̘̙̦̺̎̎͝ĕ̸͎͇̑̊̔ͅḣ̵̢̪̃i̵̛̲̬͉̫̮c̶̰̾̅͘ṵ̵͖̋̓̚l̴̻̝͕͕͖̅̾̓̐͠ḁ̵̹̺̑͗ ̸̗́͛͂̐̆n̷̘͎͓̙̔ͅi̶̧̛̛̬͚͍͗͌s̷̨̬̲͚̬̎͝͠ḻ̴̭̥͂̓͐̇͝ͅ ̵̛͈̱́̈͛͝q̷͍̞̜͖͑͂͛͘͜͝ų̴̈́̍a̴͎͎͙̱͌̃̐̉̌͜ṁ̸̪̉͗̌͝ ̸̥̰̭͐v̸͓̟̹̙̝̀i̶̻͇̦̾͜ͅt̴̩̂͛a̸̟͖̪͈̱̎̌͂e̸͚͇̲̱͊̽̍̂ ̴̢̼̻̯͋͛̄̕͠n̵͈̥̆͊͒͌͠ĩ̵͎̂̈́̃̓ş̷̼̂̽i̷̲͚͍͚̜̚͝.̷͇̆̎ ̴̮̗͓̹̀͋Ä̷̰̣̜́͐̓͊l̶̡̰͎̉͘ỉ̴͎̲̊̍̂q̶̬̩͈̓̆͂̚u̴̦̝a̵͙̩̹̲̮͊̏̑̅m̵͉͓̰̻ ̴̖̃͜t̵͍̿̚ẽ̷̯͉̻̒͂͝m̵̡̪̺̼̟̽p̵̧̯̲͈̂o̵̬͍̾͆r̵͇͉͉͊̓͜ ̵̧̛̺̝̃̃̐̊s̸̱̙̬͆o̵̪̞̝͎̬͆͑̈́̊l̶̫̆̃̈ḻ̸̦̏̕i̸̠͈̗͇̓͊̊͝͠c̵̦̈͊͜ͅi̷͔̿͋̊̇t̴̯̆͆̓̕ự̷̮͚͈̜̍͒͘ḑ̷̨͓̝̿̓̽ì̵̺͆̾͘͘n̴̡͈̠̠̈́͋̌̌̈ ̵͍̰͙͇̉̈́̉͘ͅd̷̡̘̦̄̔͑i̵̡̧͓̝͒̒̊̈́a̷̖̐m̵͙̟̈̓̒̆̿,̵̤̙͂̕͜ ̵̟͓͐̓ę̶̡̹́̚͘u̵̦̾̌͝͝ ̴̢͈̟̩̅̈́̃͠͝i̴̛̺͍͐͝m̴̬̭̳̣̈́p̵̢͓̹̆͜ͅe̴̠̹̲̎͑͒r̴̟̲̯̭͖̃͌̈͠ḏ̴̛̣̞̫̃̈î̵̻̪̆̋e̵͖͎͈̯̺̽̏̑̇̕ţ̸̧̜̼̯̇͂͛̕͠ ̵̛̻̐p̴͍͈̈́̈́̿̿ṷ̴̮̩̙̜̓͆̾r̷̺̈́̆̈́͋ǘ̴̘̼̙̳̫s̷̩̹̑ ̷̤͉̙͋c̷͔̲̜̀o̶̦̫͓̯̔͆͘ͅn̶̰͚̯͋̉̂̆͜d̵̫̦̤̩͕̆̂͂͝ĩ̷̲͔͓̪ṁ̴̺̊e̵̖̓̌͊n̶̡̼̣̱͉̽̃t̶̟̳͈̦̽͑̌ụ̸̔̎̑m̸̩̥̜̻̓͂ ̸͕̞̳͓̗̍̎͂̃ư̸̞̳̟̙͗͂̕͜ţ̸̨̦̈́͝.̷̮͖̔͑͗̕ ̵̹̈V̴̡̜̘͛͆̔͘ͅẽ̸͙̌̇͌͂s̶̝͇͖̾ͅt̷̩̻̓i̵̖̗͎̬̋̈́́̓ͅḇ̷̐͐͒̓u̷̲̇͌ḽ̸̄̈́u̸͛̐͜m̸̡͕̺̠̂̓ ̴͔̩̲̘͚̀̽ť̶͕͈̖̏͋ĩ̴͖͉̮͓̻͛̀n̸̡͎̬̈́̋̋c̷̳̘̪͕̻̍̄̈̒ǐ̵͓̞̌̈́d̴̨̼͕̟̳͗͋̀u̴̪̤̞̐̾́n̵̞͖̄̔t̶̲͌̀́̔ ̵̬͖͔̇̂ę̶̬̯̫̆̅̅̍g̸̠̜̮̲̑̊́̇͐ĕ̷̗͊̽̅̈́͜͜s̴̥̫̃̿̈́̅ț̷̲͓̂͛̓ḁ̴̂͐̊͜s̸̲̣̱̆͝ ̶̧̗̼̥̫̄͋̈́̂s̷͖͇̉̔̔̅̕ű̶̡̦̎s̸̗̦̫̺̫̊͑͌c̷̘̲̼͈̋͂̃͜͠į̶̿̓͘ṗ̶̲͎̈́͋̉͝i̴̳̽̉t̶̡͉͇̣̽̈͋.̵̟̻̰̦̈́

̸̶̧̛̩̹̟͙̂͌̏̿͗͝͝D̷̳̰͛o̵͕̱͉͒̒̉̆͝n̷̢͕͓̆ͅe̸̛̤̜̟̳͎č̴̡͎̞̲͆ ̵̰͉̇f̶̥͇̖̕ḯ̴̛̞͙̈́ņ̵͚̩͌̂͛̈́i̵̢̯͛͑͑͋̕b̵̛̪͎͔͋u̷͚̤̤̯̯̐͂s̶̝̚͠ ̷̖͚͇̦̻͑͒̕e̵͈̫̲͗͐̋ư̶̰ ̷͚̪̩̄̚ͅė̸̢͚̙̟͐̈́͆͗ŗ̷̀͗a̶̗̰͊̉͝t̴͓̄̐͘ ̸̠̂͑͘n̴̯͆̐͆̕e̶̳̲̠̎̽̈́͋̈ĉ̸̰̦͔̅́͝ ̵̯͚͊̀l̴̼̈̀̌͝ä̵͓̭̅͠o̶̢̦͇͕̣̓r̵͎̽̒̆͗̓ȩ̵̖͂́̉̔̈́e̴̥̙̰̣̫͆̊t̴͍̯͈̆̂͂.̴̘̫̗͉̣̅ ̴̼͓̤̘̈́V̵̨̡͔̲͕̄̎̅e̴̲̦̤͑̕s̸̠̭̠͕̎͛͜ṯ̶̭͋͌i̷͓̇̃̍̑b̵̙͎̟̄̑́͘ǔ̷̧̧̞͖͒ĺ̶̢̡̳u̵̪̬̫͔͉̓ḿ̴̯̝̰͚̃ ̷̨̮̙̠̆̕m̷̧̢͇̥̤̋ô̸͕̥̒l̶͔̯͆ȩ̷̘̟̱͕̈́͊̾s̵͕͚͎̹̺̍͐ṭ̷̃́͑i̴̲͕̖͔̱͛̇̇̓͝ḙ̴́̑̓̚ ̶̰̥̖͇̾͜g̵̞͙̐̾̚r̴͖͎͙̮͂̔a̴̠̭͛͘v̷̲̄̈́̇i̷̞̝̟̬͊̀d̷̬̦̝̓͘ả̶͕̭̈́ ̵͈̪͚̩̈́͒̚͜͠ö̵̧͍̦͈́̒̆͛͜͠r̵̟̳͙̖̋c̸̹̪̓̏̃į̸̝̦̩͕̀̏̔̅,̵͇̙̂̾̆͜ͅ ̷̡̛̦̬̩̗̈́s̶̟̓̃̈́i̸͈͖̮͎̖͠ẗ̸̼̰͙͎́̾͘ ̵̧̄̆͒͆͝ͅạ̸̈̓m̷̢̞̤͍̑ȇ̷͕̩̚ͅṯ̴̂̀̄ ̴̨̢̟̼͋c̴̺̝̫͌͗͝o̴͚͓̺͉̓̏̂̈̉ͅn̸͖͌v̶̛̟̫ͅa̷̭͉̹̪͈͆̌̿l̶̜̼͈͕̑̄͗l̵̎ͅī̶̧͂̅͜s̶̺͐̂ ̸͇͑o̷̡͖͖͛̾͆͝r̶̝̻͔̭͠͠c̷̖͕̈́͆̓̊i̵̯̩̿ ̷̡͍̜̜̻̿̓̾͐p̴̻͛h̵̤̙̟͔̰͒̈̿a̵̬̮̱̒̾̀r̷̬̐ė̷̡̦̜͚̹t̴̼̓͌r̵͖̙̱̈̈̓̕͠ą̵͓͇͙̥͂͒͌ ̶̺̓̃̉̍̚s̷̡̹͇̳̥̓̽͛̉̚e̵̡̻͚̠̅̈́̒ḍ̴̳̟̉̈̈́.̷̻̩͖̣͆̌ ̴̮̖̖̓͆͂Ď̴̹͚̕̚ȏ̴̡̒n̵̨̤͖̩̑̆̈́e̴̜̍͘c̸̨͔̰̓̌̈́̚ ̸̫̝̋c̵̥̋͂̋̚͝ơ̵̦̠̱͂̿͘ͅn̶͚͕̱̥̓̒͑d̸̦̔̒͗̄ỉ̴̬̘͉͛̽m̸͉̫͗̍͂͆͝è̷̡̯̠͙̈́̿̇̕n̵͙̟̯͗̉͛ṫ̵̞̰̽̈ứ̸̝͕̟̗̏͜͝m̴͍̺͇̙̦̐͆͂̃ ̴̞͑̽͘͜f̷̨͚͈͇͈̎̕e̷̬̻̖͖̊̚͠r̷̹͉̘̥͛m̵̨̡̳̭͆e̶̛͖̻̒̃ͅn̷̡͍̞̖͉̎̀̒̊t̴͖͕͈̺͒̊̚ṳ̷͕̮͛̿̔̔͜͜m̸̼̜̣̉ ̷̧͖͙̩̅͑͘f̵̮̗̏͛̀͘͝r̵͔̙̜͆į̶͎̗͉̍̓n̴̞̩̺͂̄̿̚͝g̵̹̒͌̚͝i̶̧̨̥̽̒̀̇̚l̴̖͂͑̎͝l̴̟̬a̴̠̦͕͎̕.̵̪͓̂͜͠͝ ̴͙̉͐̕̚S̶̫̦͗̇̌͠e̷̯̫d̵̨̙̽͜͜ ̸̲̜̫͋̽c̷̝̀̾͊ư̷̤̲̘͎͊̓r̶͕͍͚͒̋͜s̴̛̪͖͚̽͛̏͜ủ̴͎̠͛̓̕̕ṡ̶̱̖͓̖͆̈́͗ ̴̭͒͆̐̽͝u̴̜͇̩͋̑ļ̴͇̩͆̈́t̶̩͚́͒͒̆r̴͉̲͎̖̘͗i̴͉͌c̶͓̱͉̠͛͠i̷͖̲͔͊͒̚͝͝e̶̤̞̬̿s̶͙̄ ̸̧̯̬̍ͅe̸̮͛̍̃̆̇s̶͚̖̔t̵̠̹̳̗̅̇̈́̓̕.̷͙̪̊̉̔̇̌ ̶̲̯̭̱̠͛̋D̷̝̯͓̺̂͗ö̶̪͈̲́̓́n̵̠̘̙̠̩̄̈́͘͠e̷̾͊̍̄͊ͅc̴͉̯̗̣̗̚ ̴̘̲̬͋͂̈͒́v̸̪̺͇͚̹̅ā̸̯͍̓̂r̵͚̯̉̊̀̈͠ḭ̷̰̲̭̽̐ú̶̮̏s̷̞̻͕͋̀̆̎͘ͅ ̷͙̇͐̈̾͑c̸͎͓̰̘̼̏̈́̒u̷̮̥͚̦̓̄͝r̴͛ͅs̸̡̰̜̫̍͛͆u̸͙̳̾͌͝ͅs̵͔̃̇͠ ̶̘̩͍̾̚m̵̝̮̺̂͠a̸͔͚̫̓̇͛ū̴͈͎̠͕̫ř̶̡͊̾ĩ̶͈̪̪̈́̄͘s̶̰̫̏,̴̤͇̟̦̎͜ ̴̢̛̘̗̋̐͠e̸̡̞͙͆̄͌̽ͅụ̵̮̲̕̕ ̷̼̲̿̐̋̚͝d̷̡̞͎͖̯͑ą̷͗̓p̵̲̝͈̰̞̑̃͠͝ḯ̴̝̺͎̔ḅ̶͉̊̂̒̍̅ŭ̷͕̤̞͎͍̃͐͆s̸̡̪̟̭̏̎́̑͝ͅ ̸̯̩̪̞̈̅l̵͈͗͒i̵͈̬͙̎̀͂͋g̸̮͙̮̪̉̾̚͘͘ų̴̖͉̙͖̎̒̇͠l̵̛͎̊̀̈́̀ã̸̟͖̝̮̞̕͝ ̷̼̋̾̆͂̈́v̷̀̕͜e̷͓̝̊̈̈̆̒s̷̳̬̬̓͛͝t̵̹͖͂i̸̼͉͎̣͊͌͘b̴̛̤̒̏̉̀ų̷̛̩͗l̵̜͝u̴̠̺̣̹͋͛̂͗͌m̴͕͊̾̈́̈͆ ̴̡̠̰̍̑v̷̛̺͓͚̈̔̕e̶͖̞̪̹̻̔͛l̷̡̫̂̀̾.̴͓͔̩̈́̉ ̶͙͍̪͔̔͜P̶̱̿̿e̵̽ͅḷ̶̡͇͂̒̋̎l̴̻̜̈͋e̵̡̝̭͉̘͐n̷̘̏͆͌t̸̩̰̘͗e̶̡͕̙̱̻͗̕̕ṡ̸͕̟̞͊̇̒̔͜q̶̠̱͊̈́̾̉̋u̴̗͚̲͕̻͌ȅ̴̮̮ ̸̪͔͒͆l̵͚̜͙͎̐ę̷̈́͊̌c̷̲̲̤̱͋̾́̈̒͜ț̶̦̖͉͎̉͊̌̎͠u̶̺̖̠̖̅̐͑̚s̸̝͈͉͒ ̴̣͇͌̇̀̍̆l̵͓̎̒͌a̷͈̖̼͔̓̿͗c̸̖̦̹̲̏̏u̴̻̯̠̫͚̅̈́̇̽s̵̛̞̩͔̣̒̅̂,̸͕̼̖͆̕ ̸͚̟̒̉͊u̸͕͂̿̎l̶͎̰̏̕l̶̤̯̿̌́͗a̴̭̠͉͙̽̓m̴̧̙͚͇͍̊̉̉̏͂c̶̝͍̬͒̉̓͝o̷̩̝̚r̴͕̤̈́p̷͓̰̮̀͝e̶̲̋r̸͕͇̪̣̻̀͠ ̸̙͇̓̑e̴̡̳͙͒u̴͔̻̐̐ͅ ̴͓̗̺̦̻͑̃͋͠ȇ̷͍͖̜̝̺̑̃̒̚ģ̵̼̼̔͜e̷͖͉̻̖̗̽͒̾̍̀ṡ̷̨̯̩̫͠t̷͕̼̹͇̂̌̏a̷̡̫͚̦̅̄̈͋͝s̵͚̮̊͐̌̆͜ ̵̣̠̙̆͑̊̕͜i̷͇͕͚̦̾͌̌̔͘d̸̢̬̼͎͑̈́,̵̪́ ̷̢̊͆̿͗g̵̜̫̏̈́ͅr̸̯̪͌̆a̸̭͒̈́͝͠v̸̗̮͗̄̿i̶̢͊ḑ̴̐̏͒͋͠a̵̼͑͛̆̕̕ͅ ̴̡̬͋́͂v̶͉̕i̴̧̻̼͊̃̿͝t̶̨̙̫̓̋ä̷̹́e̴̬͉͋ ̸͇̊͌̍l̷̲̔̃î̶̧͍̮̤͚͝͝g̸̳͖̣͈͍͋̀̽û̵̺̲͝ļ̴̢̺̈́ä̷̛̼̻́̀̚̚.̶̧̣̬͚̋̾̑͠ ̵̝̥͚̦͊̒͂̈Ṉ̵͇̼̽̒̌ü̸̢̳̜l̶͕̾̎̇l̷̢̬̭̬͕͘à̶̢̗̠̞̘ ̸̧̘̳̑f̶͖̤͆̀͆̎a̸̧͓͙̋͌͑͌̒c̸̼͖͒̌i̶̥͓̩͉̓́̿̚̕l̵͕̱̼̻̜̒͋̿͂͊ī̶̯̳̬̒̚͜s̶̬͖̃͠ǐ̴͙̜̹͒̓̾.̴̺͐̑͗͝ ̵̢̩̿͆͒A̴͙͙̹̲͌̾͠ę̴̭̞͚̞͒͒̾ņ̴̔͗̽̈́̕ę̸͙̐a̷̢͊̍͒̎̎n̵̡̢̳̪̪̋̒̿ ̷͍͕͒v̴̢̞͛̓e̷̟̔͋͘͜͜ẖ̶̻̏̊̌i̵̟͈͕͊̎̑͜c̴̨̓͗̚ȗ̶̳̝̻̯l̸͚̤̱̠̄͐ã̴͉͐̋̍̓ ̷͉͓̥̳͙͒m̷̨̨͕̮̑̌̊a̶̡̦̫̲͍͂̽̐x̶͙̮̤͑̏́̆ỉ̷̭̳͇m̵̪̺̓ṷ̷͎̭̇̅̇̈s̷͍͐̈́̓̓͠ ̷̭͇͒̓̎́u̴̠̜͐̀̈́͘͝r̵̦̞̔̋̓n̸͔̙͙̥̑å̶̘͉,̸̡̿ ̵͎̤̫͊̕͜a̷̹̅̔ț̵̗̝̱̙̈́͆̊ ̷͙̭͕̣̔f̶̜̠̺̬͋͑e̴̛̳̯̾̃r̷͉̠̓̐m̵̨͖̞͗e̴̺̭̼͉̱͒̍n̶͙̈́̇̊̆͗t̵̩͕̯̥̓̆̾û̶̬͖̏̇͝m̵͍͓̻̯̈́̆͆ ̸̨͌͌m̴͚͙̖͋a̷̲͆͝ͅg̵͓̊͝n̴̛̲̓̌a̴͕̮͑̐̈́ ̷̢̰̟̀̒̈́͠b̶͕̎̂͊̊͗i̸̹̓͗͗͋b̴̘̺̰͔͉̏̓͂̕͘ė̶̢͖͚͍̌̊͜n̸̟̘̐͒̄ͅd̷̹u̶̠͎̫͂̈́͒͜m̵̟̩͆̅͊͜ ̸̦̭̩̖͙͝u̷̫̯͇͆̿̄̑̅t̸̰̲̲̿̐͂.̵̥͉͓͆̾͑̾͐ ̸͇̗͉̈́̄͐S̷̢͑̅̒͠u̴̞͒͑̓s̴̰͙͐̅̐̒ͅp̸͕̊̊͌̀é̴̠͈͔̺̿̉ṉ̶̜͈̔͛̿d̵̨̹̣̽͑̊i̸̢̡͚̍̋͘s̷͕̈́̉̚s̵̛̳̽́ê̵̹̜̑̃̇ ̵̨̱̺̜͗͋ͅp̶̙͖͚̠̳̐̋̈̂̉ȯ̸͙͈̖͈̃̎͌ṭ̷̯̰̤̃̈́̿͜͝ȩ̵̥͓̹̈́̐͊͘n̸͓̭͈̪̝̅̋̓͠ṭ̸͔̔̚͜͜i̴̧͕͉̜͛̈́̃̋̕.̷̡̡̻͔̈́͛̑ ̴̨͛M̷̛͕̠̍̈o̸͓͐̽͗̆͠r̷͎̪̮̫͋̌̿̓ḃ̵̫̣͈͚̇į̵̣̱̮͚̏̏ ̷̹̔̒v̶̯̥͒̋̂̈́̓ù̵̥̠̩͇͋̍l̷̞͖͈̤̮̅͌p̵̬̾͝u̴̡̧̯͎͓͆t̸̟̩̔̑͝a̸̢͕͎̼̥̅̔̚͠ẗ̸̘̱͕́͛͗̈́̉͜ͅê̷͈͎ͅ ̴̻̳͖͑̍s̵̢͋̏͗c̴̡̪̯͎͎͂̄͆̿e̸͇̬̹͌l̶̞̹̱̺̣̇e̶̳͕r̷̺̲̆̚į̵̢͖̘͒s̸̱̠̪͎̜̃q̷̥̲̯͕͒͊̐͊͋u̸͈̪͕̐̂̈́̚e̸̾͜ ̴͉́͗ͅf̶̧͚̾̊͘͠r̵̥̾̿͌̾į̷͉͕̑̉̎͆̽n̵͎͇̈́g̴̭̹̹̔i̵͈͍̬̼͋́l̶̼͉̎͗́͜ͅͅḻ̸̡̭͈̗̅̈́̑̂à̶̛̞̤̞̮̎̕͝.̵̠̜̜̓̒́̕ ̸̡͛͌A̷̢̬̞̻̒̑͂̚e̷̺͈̠̹͋̇͐͠ͅṇ̸̤̫̺͗̈͠ͅe̷͔̭̰̭͆̒ͅǎ̵͎̼n̷̨̝̤̊͆͒̏͜ ̵̫̘̼̅a̸̘͔̥̝̬͐̓͋̾͝c̴̼̜̘̰̑ ̷͍̤͑̈́͝h̷̺̰̥͒̅̆ë̶̺̠́̌̔n̸̨̢̢͓̄͗̌̔ḑ̴͚̼͒͜ȑ̷̰͇̭̘̣̆ē̸͇̈́̉̚͠ͅř̵̡̢̲́̕ï̸͍̤̘͓̆̿̽t̶͔̑̓ ̷͇̙͎̥̇̄n̷̜̤͔͚͉̉i̸̥̯̺̗̠͗̍͘ṡ̸̲̱i̴̡̞̙͉͌̕.̷̫̙̖̲͐̕ ̵̧̹̽̓̌͘͠S̵̗̈́̃̒u̷̙̔̚s̵̡̡̺̜͈͐̎̕p̸̛̭̲̑͒ë̸̻͇͇͘n̷̫̏̍̆̈́̇d̶̞̿̏͝ī̷̧̺̦̘̥͝s̸̺͒͑̃̒͜͝s̸͚̏̎͘͠e̴̬͑͂̍̏̋ͅ ̶̨̠̂͝ṩ̶͖̭̲̋̒̌ĭ̶̛̜̫̱͙͇̏̽t̴͇̺̠͔̝̐͊̐̈́͆ ̴̥͈̰̋a̸͈̣̤͙̥̔̔͑͊͋m̸͓̳͙͆̓̽̄͐ȩ̸̒͗̈͊t̸͚͍̃̿̇ ̸̟̞̟̤͓͌͐̐̈͒d̷̙̣̰͚̫̿u̶͚͖̝̔̑ï̷͈͚̹͐̾͘͜ ̶̢̝͖̠̑͐̔͘͝d̸̦̼͔͋͐̽ā̶̧̮̳̟̫͒̔p̴̳̬̙̔͝ị̴̘̇̿b̴̠̲̫͔̂͊̌͝u̸̹͚̙̙͊̽̀̚ͅs̷̖͍̽̓́,̵̳͎̈́ ̵̠̈c̵͍͓͖̝͗̌̕ȯ̶̡̫͍̣̲͝n̵̨̪̈́͋͆͑s̵̙̆̀e̸̯͓̱̫͋̃͝q̸͇̑̄̾̚ũ̵͚͚̳̅̆̏̄a̵͎̗͛̄̍t̷̪͕͒ ̶̧̖͖̄̓̓ȩ̶̪̏ŗ̴̟̞̳͗͒̄̌õ̴̡͝s̴̥͓̐̓ ̴̡̥̗͓̑a̶͙͕̽̈́͗͘,̵̡̺͙͎̯͗͋ ̸̜̺̼͒p̴̛̥͈̠͇͗ͅo̵͖͔̠̕s̴̠̦̓̏͋̃̄͜͜ü̴̻͠e̶̞̺͔̩̓̄͑̐͐r̸̢̧͍͓̉̆͠ě̴̦̘̳̘̙̈́̽̌̎ ̵̞̪̃͌u̷̪̠͔̙̜͆̔̃̔͝ȓ̷̻̙͝ń̷͔̄a̷̳̮̻̖̯̿̿̏̚̕.̴̮̞̏̾ ̴̻͔̥͋̀͗P̴̢̺̜͇̮͛̇͌̚͝r̷͇̟̐̐̓̚͝ǫ̶̥̳̯̩͑i̸̘̬͇͕͆͂n̷͚̰̓ ̶͓͎̬̿͋a̷̝̱͈͋̕̕t̵͓͖͚̉ ̷̺͎̝͔̲̂̊u̶̟̦̓̇͛̌̒ļ̴̗͛̅̃̆̍t̶̯̟̩̲̋̄̌͜͝r̸̬̪̳͙̦̀͠ȋ̶̛͇̰̄̆ć̶̡͔̙̘͉í̷̘͚͒̌̚e̶̖̮̭̍̌̃̋s̷̗̏͠ ̴͓̤͎̤̺͊̈́̐e̷̱̤̭̐̓̓x̶̯͈̱͐̃͛͆̍͜,̸̟̱͙͎͍͂̍͘ ̶̺̿̕ą̸̹̬̻͗̈́̋͘ ̸̧̖̬͈̹̇̃̚ḛ̵̙̲̦̗̚g̴̼̯̽̈̐ę̵̢̛͎̖͊͊s̴̭̜̞̀̓̕͝ţ̸͌a̴̰̝̝̍̒̚ś̸̼͛̇͒ ̵̞͋͋è̷̛̪͑̑̒r̶̨͔̈́̉͒a̸͔͈̼̙̺͊͌t̵̡͕̱̺̥͌̂̃.̵̧̞̭͕̀̇ ̶̨͎̓̉͌D̵̡̛͕͍̺͗́̕͠o̸̢̬̼͗́ṉ̵͋̐͌̕͘ē̶̻̗ḉ̵̞̭̋͋ ̷̺̈̚ǹ̷͕͇̤̌̆̆͜͝u̷̗̮̥͂ǹ̷̩̠̻͎̇́̕͝c̸̙̬̞̈̊̋͊̚ ̸̥͉́m̷̝͎̬̌̉̏́ä̴̘̘͕͇́͊̏s̴̲͑̔̆͑s̸͇͇͓̠͐͊̽ą̴͎͙̦͕̈̂̕,̵̝͗ ̸̪̆̒d̵͍͎̀å̵͍͇̑͑͋͝p̵̼̾͜i̶̺̹͠ͅb̴̞̣̆̿͛̕ũ̴̻̱̻š̴̡̰͜ ̶͇̖̰͚̊͊̎n̷͇͍̭̹͒̄͂͘e̸̮͊c̷̡͖͑̍ ̸̝̮̗̃̃l̴͍͒́̓̒͠ä̶̰́c̶͎̰͒͆͜ḯ̸͙̈́͠ͅn̴̡̠̊́̾̐̅i̵̼̘̺̓a̶̧̙̍̎͗̕̕ ̷̧̻̖̕e̷̪͆̊͒g̷̻̪̟̎e̶̡̪͍͇̣͝t̶̛̝̼̜̆̈́͘,̵͔͕͎̆̑̽̂̚ ̷̨̨̻̟̮̆̋̓̕ŭ̴͉̀l̶̞͕͉̤̗͐t̴̯̪͛̓̆r̸͉͍͇͑̑͛̄̕i̷̪̣̎̓̏c̴͔̭̪̩̙̊̄̂í̸̢̛͎͗͂è̷̥͘ṡ̸̞̙ ̷͈̟̝̾ͅn̶̝͙̦̺͐̾ẽ̸̻̖̰̿̾̊͑ͅc̷̨̛̯̺̪̖̈ ̸̞̰̈́̃̕̕n̷̒͠ͅe̶̛͖̝̼̾̀q̷̣̼͋̔̾̅ư̸̠̽è̵͇̓͘.̷͓̥̜͊̒ ̷̭̦͓̬̦̄̾̇̈̚M̴̲̋̈́̎̊̽ą̸̜̩̣̬̋̄͒e̶͚̘̅͗c̵̨̻͉̻̺̓̀̓̔̍e̸̼̙̜̫͑͘n̵͖̭͓͒̌̅̉ȁ̸̛͔̈́̕s̷̢̨̺͎͛ ̸̟̝̤̮͒̈͌͑͐f̴̛̮̪̹̼̍͆͂r̵̫͖̖͝ḭ̶͈̩͗̿̉̑n̵̡̜͖̲̊̈̚g̴̖̥̪̥̱̈́̔͛͗̽i̶̼̗͗̄̒͠l̸̫͍͐͂l̴̟̻̰͑a̵̘̥̮̪̣̔͆̂ ̶͙̖̜̅̓̇̑m̷̦̱̝̍i̶̡͈̇͆̄̓͊ ̸̟̎̓͋̃ạ̷̧̜͛͌͜ ̶̮̺̅͑͌r̷̼͓͔͔̅̄͆̃͂i̴̠͕͕͖͕͒͠š̵̤̟̱̈́͠ủ̴̪̦͂s̸̺͖̮͚͑̓͊ ̴̥̟̑d̸̠̮̏͐a̶̫̣̾p̴̜͓̫̐͜i̸͈̱̱͎̓b̵̯̗̮̼͙͂̏ũ̷̳͍̹̿̚̕ͅs̷̨̮̪̠̫̀,̴͚̲̾̌ ̵̞̥̭̒̈́͑̚̕ͅu̶͓̫̞͈̔̔ẗ̷̨̘́̋͒̂͒͜ ̸͇̍̔͝ṿ̶̌̇ĕ̵̪̳͕ͅḫ̵̰̘̀̓i̴̺̗͛͘͠c̷̡̰̄̚û̵̬͌̂̚l̸̤̇̄̂a̵̙̰̙͕̤̓ ̸̨̣̱̠̠̔̐͋́ņ̷̮̤͙̞̋͂̅u̷͚͍͓̞̒̑͠n̶̫̭̣̘̥̔̔͗̃͝c̷̖͑̆̔͝͝ ̵͓́͗a̵̼̳̮͌͛̏̔c̸̩̪̬̃͛̿̂̓č̷̱̝̫͝ȕ̵͍͇͎̗͈̃͂̕m̶̨͆͝ś̵͔̝ͅą̶͔̩̺̉͐̀n̵̢͈͚̟̰̄̃͘͠.̷̛̖̤̾̉̉̃ ̵̼̫̹́͜Ȉ̵͚͆̓̉n̵̡̺͂͐͑̓͠ ̶̢͕̻̝̜̊̄a̷͇̭̯͠ ̴̮̰̪̑̓͑̕s̶̤̏̓̋̒a̵̢̖̥̼̫͗̈́̅́͛g̵̮͐̓i̷͓͈̩̞͝t̴̯̩͖̃̌̊t̶͇͕͂̈̾i̵͖͈͗̈́s̴̼̦̩̠̚ ̴̫̭̻͊͒̌͗̋e̵͎ṋ̴̝͉͓̐͌͐̈́̕i̷͇̞̜͂m̶̪͉̰̓.̶̳̂̓̐

̵̣̪͇͆̓̀̇̚S̸̮̓e̶̘̖̜̟̽̇d̶͔̿̉ ̷̛̩̟̙̣͜͠c̸̨̼̻̤͑̈̔͘͠o̴̡̟͗ǹ̴̘̪͗̚d̷͕͎̼͇̬͊͛̚i̶̟̹̻͂̈́̐̉͘m̴͙͖̱̥̱̎͆̓̈́e̶̻̠͇͛͒̀n̵̡͇̟̉̔̆͝ͅt̷̰̪͂̈́ư̸͎̣̺̓͗m̸̡̳͍͋̅̉͠ ̵̨̙̠̯͂͒͆̋̓ā̵̢̊̕ŕ̸͇͕͍̪̃͊̈́͝ͅc̴͔̥͇͂͐͠ų̸̖̗̎ ̸̰͛̐l̶̢̧̯̙͒i̵͈͌g̵̥̲̽ṷ̸͙̉̀͗ľ̵͎̯͖͈̗a̵̹̓͝͝,̶̟͙͛ ̴̢̳͕̪̇͜ǎ̷̉ͅẗ̵̖̤́̔ ̶̡̱̪͗̈́͊̎r̶̨͉̘̭͂͛h̵̲̱̞͈̲́͝ō̷̧̳̜̂̾̅ň̷͕̇̓č̷̠͚u̸̖͎͔͌͆̅s̵͔̈́͗̇̈́͊ ̶͎̳̊́̿͠t̸̛͚̳̝̰̥̄̎̆̍u̶̺̙̲̟̿͊͂̽͋r̴̢̟͚͖̞͆̈́͛̏p̷̳̘̘̗̯̋i̸̫͎͙̥͆̈́̈́͆̍ŝ̵̘͙̘̥͘͝ ̷̓͜p̸̢̘̓͆͋̐l̵̦̔̔̌͌̈́a̷̱̻͈̓̈̊ͅc̷̱̯̼̣̰͗e̸̮̬̽̀̊̎r̷̳̹̯̃̇͜͝ä̵̫̻́͝t̸͎̎ ̷̹͉̌ȉ̵͈̰̎̉̌̈́d̵̪̉.̴̱̪̖̱͋ ̵̨̻̙̩͓̾̓̔͠͝C̵̺̯̈́͐͂͐ͅr̴͉̰̬͚̂̏a̶̧͙̥̮̱̽̑͝͝s̴͕͇̈́ ̵̩̲̣̬͓͌̋c̵̢̠̰̒̑̈́͋u̸̼͒̋̔̕r̴̫̭͍̫̦̀͒͒̓̕ş̴̤̱̦͊̂͂͜ŭ̷̟s̴̻̠̱̋̉̊̃̂ ̷̯͉͈̉̇̎̆f̸̣̾̇e̶͖̦͑͗͜ŗ̵̝͍̄͑͐̅̋m̵̮̌͂̾̕͜e̸͍̘̱̐̉n̷̤͚̜̯̬̑͝t̸̨̘̝͉̤͌u̴̮̇m̵̺͎͕̈́̾̂ ̸͗̎ͅj̶͉̥͆̎͂ǘ̵̟͚̝̆̾̋̃ṡ̶̮̖͔͎͜t̴̼͂̃̆̔ő̴̺̦̀̌̏ ̵̨s̵͍̪̪̗̲̿̇̍i̸̼͂t̷̘́̕ ̸̪̩͈̐͂̈́͘͠ą̵̥̽̓͂̚͜m̶̫̌͂̓̕͝e̶̪̗̯̼̒ț̴͍̜̙̟̈́̋ ̵͔̰̊̍ṽ̵̫̼̦̭̅̈́ạ̸̛̺͎͗͌ͅr̷̢̳͓̈̆͌ỉ̶̡̘̪̭̏̈́͂̀ǘ̴̡͔̰̲̹̽s̷̙̔.̵̻̗͊ ̸̧̹̠̲͗͆̏͌͜͠Ả̶͚͒e̷̢͕̱͇̚n̷̬͖̋̓̉̅̀e̴̺̹̭͍̖̒̈́͒a̵̞̒͋̈́͋ͅn̸̮̲̙̣̖͠ ̶̨̨̦̮͆͆̽̍͜a̸͍̬̺͎̿̑ ̸̪͊̉͒̏̿n̶͈̼̭̑̈́̓̚͠e̸̡̓q̵̧̨̦̜͘u̷̙͑͋͌͆̾e̵̢̢͕̘͑̀͛͘͝ ̶̥͈̉͛̕̚̕q̶̦̭̩̪̫̂̑͗͒͊u̴̲̻̦̒́͝a̴̪͛͑͠m̶͇̥̋̏.̵̫̜́̽ ̶̧̬̥͇̰̎̊͊C̵̼̲͑͑̎̇r̶̡̛͈͉͖̣͌̓͌a̶͎̼̿͌͝͝ś̴̛̱̙͔̅͛ ̷̝̳͗͊ͅs̴̱̲̆̚i̵͓͓̯͝͝ț̸̫̱͙̞̑ ̴̝͓̌̀̽͝ä̸̫̹̳̥́͗̒m̴͎̩͊͆e̴͇̻̞̟̩̅͗̊̓t̴̨̾͐͝ ̴̮̤̳̄̉f̴͓̹͕̒̈́͜r̶̳̳̆̇̀î̵͙̣̻̦n̷̡̘̍g̴̲̈́̈̎̋ͅï̸̧̟̲͈̥̚l̶̨̳͓̇̔̑̈̑l̷̩͉͈͍a̵̜͍͇͇̠͒ ̴̜̖͒̐͋̈́͛n̸͓͚͐͌į̵̨̭̊̿͆b̸̧͖̗̓͒͝h̴̭̜̟̟͍̄͝,̷̡͚̹͉̣̑̊̊ ̴̧̦̘̥̒͌v̷̧͖̄̈e̴̳̼̿̽̿͘̚l̷̛͎̂ ̵͓̃̈́l̸̠̟̼͔̐̔͝ư̶̤̟̟̱̼͒̉͑̕c̶̛̫̝̦͒͂̔̎͜ẗ̷̡͓̖͚͎͗̇ư̸̰̯͒̈s̵̲̔͊ ̸̟͚̱͂̚͝f̶̖͚͖̻͊͂͌͠è̴̩͐̒̿́ͅl̵̖̠̘̘̼̎͂ĩ̶̞̪́͝ͅs̴̞̠͐̆͑̊͠.̶̛̟̩̓͂̿ ̶̹̠̙̤̅̑̅̽̈́P̴͚̊̔͗̕r̶̨͖̞͉͒̉͘͜a̴̟̪͇̼̓̅ͅe̶̡̹̟̎̆s̴͍̪̻̔̈͛̈́̚ĕ̵̥̟̬̟͙̐̌̓͠ņ̶̞̻̭̿̉ť̸̻̞̼̱ ̸͈͑̆ş̶̫̻̣̗͠c̵̖̥̹͇̗ę̸̮́̈͑͜l̷̦͍̭̦̖͂̄ẻ̵̦̱̘̳͛r̴̦̓̍̊͠i̴̪̪̮͑͌̈́s̸̖͖̗͋̔͘q̶̧̩͎̼͂͘u̴͇̣̣̟̇̿͘e̶̤̜̭͓̹̋̒̕ ̸͉͆̒̈́̾̀ę̵͕̫́͠ş̴̂͝ţ̸̝͔͊̓͗̌ͅͅ ̸͔̬̤̈́v̶̠̳͇̓͑̏̚i̸̹͓̠̒t̵̙̩͐͛̂̎a̵̩̮̼͚̋͋̉̿̚͜ȅ̵̛̱̆̽ ̷̮̘͖̜̹̓͐̃͠m̶̧̹̳̮̎̐́͂͜a̶̪̥̤̽͆͐̊s̸̡̡͔̣̾̕ś̴̢̡͖̥͐͜a̴̰͙͌́̐̾͛ ̵̟͎͖̥̔͆̂ė̸̢̟͖̱͗l̶̰̳̱͉͑̓ē̵̯̘͉͚̾m̷͈̲̒͋̋͂ę̷̨̘̓n̵̳̥̹͕̊t̵̺̳̖̍̚͝͠u̶͎̼̠̭͑̅̓̈́̕m̸̢̭͇̈ ̷̯͚̖̞͝c̶̻̆̾̇͘ö̷͓̂̌n̷̨͕͕̻̺̆͑̌̕d̶͎̘̣͙̞͆͘i̷̬̅̽̔m̶̡̛̮̪̠̙̊̾̚ẽ̵͚̎̕͝n̵̖̯̜̝͑̀t̵̼̏̈́͌u̶̲̳͇̖̙͋̏͑̌͝m̵̟̳̓.̵̱̮̫̑̓͊͝ ̸̤͖͆͘̕͜V̴̠̘̓͆i̸̟͐͛̓v̴̘͒a̷̢̫͔̣̓͒m̷̩̺̀̈́̇ǔ̷̩͕̔s̶̥̙͕̃̽̌ͅ ̴̨͎̳͕̓͂̔̍̈́á̵̢̪̪̠̇͊͛͐ṷ̶̙̏g̶̥̺͉͙͎͗ũ̷̧̩̹͗͐̊͒ͅȩ̸̗̹̜̩͆̊̉̎̚ ̶̫̈́́͠e̸̼̅̍r̴̖͝ỏ̶̦̙s̴̫͌̊̇͗,̵̹̪͎̞̎̇ ̴̗͇̠̜̠̈́̌̚u̸͙̽̈́̃̂l̵̡̠̅ţ̷̟̹͍̓̍̆͜r̴̪͊͛i̷̮͈̅c̴̢̣̫̪͋̽̎̃ę̴̠̱̹́s̵̝͈̺͐̐͛̚ͅ ̷͖̦̏̍s̶̭͉̮̻̪̿̑͊͒̆i̸̪̮̽́̎ṭ̵͓̦̝̂ ̴̱̲̼͎̓͛̏ã̷̡̛̪͇͚̰͑̒m̵̰̥̳͈̝͒̌̀ȩ̸̱̝͓̂͠ţ̸͉͇̦̜̒ ̴͎̋̀̇̑f̴̨̫͉̹̈ǎ̷͈̫ç̴̮̈́͐į̶͚̻̪̳̈́ḷ̷̨̘̬̕i̵͖̪̻̤͒̓̏̕͠ŝ̷̢̠͑̾̊i̴͍s̶̡̋̿͐̐͑ ̴̫̳͂̋̈́̂͝ḁ̶̧̥̬̇,̷̢̘̺͙͙̒̏ ̵̟̤͖͖͙̓͂̒̈̈́v̷̛͖͚̚ě̶̱̣͘n̴̟̓ė̷̤̳̬̳̲͊͂͆ṅ̷̮̤͔̙͕͝ã̴̠͚͈͜͜ṱ̵̡̦̑͛͜ì̸͓̗̔̚s̶̰͈͂̈́̓̑̚ ̸̟̌̅̾a̵̹̘̐̽̊̓͝ ̶̗͊̿̇̚n̸̦̰̬̖͈͗͑̕͝e̸͕̣̲̖̾̔̕q̷̛̰̻̘̟̋ṷ̵̻͈͎͕͂̃̈́e̷̹͒̍͂́̿.̶̛̞̗͚͍ ̷͓̮̺͋N̴̜̜̞͐̊̅̑͝ą̴̝̱̠̗́̀̈͗m̵̤͍̙̈̈̉͠ ̵̠͈̗̊̎̋̈́̚ḋ̴͉̦̰͑i̷̘͉̼̦͊͛͊͘͜g̶̡̤̮̯͖͝n̷͕̘̺̯̓͒̿̎͛ḯ̷̧̞͓͙̍͝ṣ̸̩̗̓̃̆͝ş̵͇̭͎͇̓̉̀i̷̥͔̰͆̈́̀͌m̸̺͚̲͗̾̈́ ̷̞̗̲̑̈̆͜͝i̸̪͕̯̬͗͌̎̎ņ̵̝̗̽̊̆̔̚ţ̸̧̠͐ę̴̃̄͆̿ř̴̪̀̒͠d̴̟̫̦̮̍̃ͅű̵̹͖̳̲̄̃̓͝m̶̧͉͚̾̈́ ̵͙͐͆̽̕n̸̢͖̖͕̓ủ̶̻̌̓n̷̜̬̻͌̍̃̈́͝c̴̹͗̃̍͜,̸͍̭̣̋̇̈ ̸̢̰̞͕͚̀̆͒̑͝ȩ̵̥̼͈͝u̵̡͖͉̒͐̊͛ ̶̠̩̤͍̾͝͝ŗ̵̨͎̋͛̓̕h̸͇̥͈͚͋͐͂o̸͙̯̒n̴͈̬̤̺̮̏́̋͊ć̶̮ṳ̶̤̬̯̣̿s̴͇̫̅̓ ̶͎̤̪̗̍m̷̯̙̈́̎͌̓͘ȃ̵͖̯̔͜u̴̲̰̣̔̔̌̕r̶̥͖̭̣̮͐̈́̋̀͝ỉ̶̭̜̤̓̕̕͜s̸̨̤̻̿͊̎̎̈ ̸͍̹̮̜͐p̷͔͎̃̔̾͜o̶̢͉ͅr̴̼̥͎͉̅̓̄̅̚ṱ̸̌̅͜a̷̭͇̮͒͌͗ ̶̳͕̹̦̲͛̑̐̊͂e̶͎̞͗̽͆ư̸͍̲͝.̶̞̰̼̉͌̇͂ ̶̠̈́͆P̷̙̲̼̞̿è̶̺͖͉̈͠l̶̢̖͉͖̈́͊͂l̴͇̹̩̳̏̾̾e̸͍̹̙͆͂̋͌͛n̸̨̰̫̲̓͊t̸̞͕̹̿͛͊̔͘ȅ̶͓̙̾̽͝ŝ̸̗̤̤͋̌̄q̴̥̤͐̉ư̶̖͙͚̤̈́͒͝e̴̜̖͉̘͕ ̷̗̼̯̦͐̕ḣ̸̳̱͓̇͝ͅa̸̜̰̜̘̰̾̆̇́̃b̵̫̥̟͍͆̌̌̒i̴̠̤̹̞̿̇̿̇ţ̶̙̲̟̯̑͒̌̅͂ạ̴̗́̈́ͅn̸̲̏̓̊͝ẗ̸̛̪͖̣͔́̈́̾ ̶̥̅̋̄̅̓m̵̡͔̤͇͛́̅͌͠ó̵̖r̷̺͉̬̕b̶̨̮̜͑̕͠ǐ̸̛̞̔͜ ̵̙̆t̸̙̣̳̂̍̇r̸̯̼̺̿i̵̱̜̳̙̤͂͑̾̃̕s̸͓̓͆̇̇t̴͈̪̱̳̖͆̑̈́̈́i̵̥͔̍̆̚q̴̢̧͓̱̹͒̑̊̌̓ü̵̢͍̉͘ę̶̢̰̠̘̈́̒̀̚ ̷̘̊͗̋̿ś̴͔̭e̷̲̰͗͋͌̈͘n̶̡͎̍̿̽̋e̷͇̮̅́̋c̴̡̃t̷̨̛͆͗̓̈́ų̴̡̳͉͂ş̶̫͖̌́ ̴̪͝ē̵͊͝ͅt̵̞͗̒̂ ̵̺̣̋̈̐n̶͈̰̬̓͐̋e̸͚̙̦͔̔̊͘t̶̢͙̻̖̯͗͘ǘ̶̢̢̡̫̝s̵̢̜̲̄̔͐͆ ̷̧̧̍̾̓ͅę̴͚̝͇̈t̵̮̃̿͑ ̴̺̊͊͜͝m̵̦̪̜̂̔͐̚͜ā̴͍̺̼͙̬̎͆͂l̷̠̬̯̓e̸͓͚̺̮͑̒s̶̱̺̞͕̅̓̂͜͠ű̶̕͜ą̵̺̞̜̫͌̓ḑ̴̳̫͎͔͋̊͑̅ã̶̺̱̯͂̍ ̵̟͉̘̇f̶̳̩͓̲̅͊̃̓̚ȃ̶͓̬͙̝̑̚m̸͓̟̟͖͂̂̑͘e̷͍͈̜̦̍̄͆s̵͙͗ ̴̬̮̇̃͑ͅa̴͚̖͂͋͂͒c̸̻͍̟͉̹̎̌ ̶̱͠ţ̶̭̉͌̔̇ú̵͉͐̒r̴̻̝̙̻̆̔p̷͕̈̀i̸͔͖̰̣̹̓͑̈́̃͌s̴̖̦̯̾̓̒̎͠ ̸̣̔̐̍̎ẻ̴͕͚̗̏̈́̑g̵̥̯͙͉͚͊ê̵͕̖̗̗͋͛ș̶̣̲̘̏̌̇̚͜t̷͓͒ȁ̸͕s̸̫͈̿̆̃͆͜.̶̯̳̟̔̕ ̵̡̡̫̾͋͛̍̍F̵̡̧̮͋̏ủ̸̖̜̼̈́s̸̢̗͎͍̖̄͂̒͝c̸͙̤͍̑̇e̶͖̽͌̈́͠ ̶̼̬̺̎f̷̼̯͔̣̼͂͂ḁ̵͑u̶̫͍̣̕c̸̢̡̣̆͊̈́i̸̙̞͕͛̐b̸̜̣̃͐̔u̴̺͑̉š̵̫͍̲͒ ̴̖̦̗̇̆̅͝d̶̢̯̻̭̦͂́̌̓͌á̶̯̪̭̉p̸͉͖̄̈́̕ī̴̖̱̭̎̈̏͜b̶̢̛͉̠̱̬̏̊͝u̶̻̤͍͗͜ͅs̴͚͎̘̪͌̂̓̈́͘ ̸̠͈̦̱͇̄̉̍̏̏a̴̡̫͙̭͛̆̈͘c̴̮̻͆c̸̭̹̄̽ǘ̴̪̠̤̜͊̒̽m̷̘̙̟̱̖̈́̔͊̿s̷̰̎a̶̟͑n̴̳̙͒̾.̴͕̖͈̗͋̊ ̵̹̩͈̈́Ạ̶̩̞̌͐̃̑̈ļ̸̩̖̠͒̋ͅḭ̶͉͕̑̔̿q̵̪͍̹̱̂̍ư̸̳̝͖̒͂͂̍a̷̢̢̗̫̘̐̃̅m̴͔̩͔̽ ̷̻̳̆c̵̪͂̃o̵̥͖̘͎͂m̸̻͎̭̲͙̒͐̏̄̂m̷̗̼͈̭̞̾̄̉o̵̯̦̩͐̆̿̔̂d̴̡̗̈́͠o̴͙̩͑̇͐̓ ̶͚̂͛̍͝s̵̡̯̮̅̍e̴͎̬̯̔̎́̾̚d̵̺̱̼͖̣͌̓ ̴̨̻͒e̸͖̜͈͐͝s̸̬̣͊ẗ̵̨̜̹̮̣́̎͑ ̶̬͔̯̮̟ȩ̶͉̯͎͒͛̈u̸̲͙̳̻̐͒̕͘ ̵͍̚v̸̜̙̥̯͇̍͆̇e̴͔̯̳̪̓̏͠n̷͍̪̉͑̃͌̕ë̵̜̺̤͓̩n̴̮̩̼͙̋͛́̀̚a̶̢̲̬̻̋̽͌̾t̶̠͎̭͚͂̽͂͋͐ĩ̸̜͒͗͋s̶̛̼̿͐.̵̧̹̔͂̎ ̵̝̿̑̓͗̌C̵̡̬͌͊͌͘u̷̗̽ȓ̴̨̨̬͚̕͝á̴̺̉̐͝b̵̢͕̳͇̈́͆͑͑͂ḯ̶̡͖̓̍͑t̴͚͙̕͜ṵ̴̧͒̈́͝ř̷̢̠͊ ̶͓̫̤͊̋ä̶̛̰̗͕̼͙́l̶̗̠͝i̸̢̡̒̏̑͑͐q̶̨͍̙͓͙̾̍͗̕͝u̶̖̗͒̇̑̒̈́ḙ̵̡̼̠̐̀t̷̛̖̋̐͑,̴̖̋̅ ̷̰̮̠̣̄̄̀̐e̶̢͑̂́͝ṛ̶̫͆̓ả̴̛̰̓͛ṯ̴̑́̑͗̚ ̸̰͙̆̄̌̚͝a̷̢̋̍͌͠ṱ̸̘͚̔̑͗͠ ̵̙̩̎̇̀̕ͅm̵͖͖̱̮̅̒̉͘͝a̵̡̛͎̼͎͂̈̌̈́ͅx̵̪̟͂̇i̷̡̯̗͇͛m̸͖̔͊̈́̏u̷͍̠͖̿͂̾͗̇s̷̮̗̑̐̀͒ ̸͙̘̻̤̊͛͗̈̕ė̷̥̂̋̓g̶̱͚̐̐̽̚e̵̢̢͔̤͗̈́̏š̴̹͇̪͇̌̔̃͆͜t̵̡̢̳̬̲̆̈́a̴̒͛̔̋͘ͅs̵̻̪̩͑͠,̴̙̈ ̷̘̟̩̇̒̕͝n̶̰̐̾̓͆͠u̵̢̘͓̩͎̾l̷̼̤̪͆ͅḽ̷̢̑͌̃a̴̢̜̱͐͗͗͘ ̷̢͗̔̅͜ļ̶̬̜̼̗͑ḯ̸̲b̸̛͕̙͍̬̞̾̃̓̿e̸̢̞̤̎̌r̸͕͔̣̯̮͂͆͝ȍ̸̝̈ ̷̲̞̫̅̌a̸̡̫̞̘̟̐̀͐̈́c̶̰̟̦͐̊̾͑̚ͅç̷̈̆̄͂̏ư̶̛̛̭͍̟͕͑͗m̶̤̣̙̈́ṣ̷̨̛̙̥̹̒ą̵̮̇̌́n̸͇̰͔̭̯̓̕͝ ̶͍̘͚̹̾̇͆̂ȃ̵̜̻̜r̵̙̀͒ċ̴̲͈̜̙̔̏͗̓u̷̪̒͜,̴̺͚̣͙͚͊͆͂ ̴̨̛̹̗̳͌̐͠e̷̡̛͉̠͛̓̾̑͜u̸̝̎ ̴͕̱̹̬̾̓͑t̸̹̹͙̹̎͋e̸̻̐ṁ̸̠͖̭̺̍p̵̟͓̊̍̂͒̚ợ̸͆̔ȑ̴͓̌̌ ̵͙̯̪̣̟̓͒̒v̵̛̖̬̬͉̾e̷͕̠̱͒͂̽̕ḷ̴̯̉̈́̚͝ỉ̸̟̘̍̓̉͊ț̵̩̗̾̄͂͘͘ ̴̙̰͍̑n̵̡̧͚̜̠̄u̶͔͍͇͇̻̓n̵̡̰̺̣̈́̓̀ċ̷͎̻̱ ̸̢̪̂̈́͜s̷̡͇̊e̶̢͍̳̩͊͊͋͜d̵͈̱̖͍͚̔̿ ̷̰̀͑͆̃̚ë̴͚̹̳̥̳͂ľ̶͚͍̍ͅǐ̷̥̠̖̝̉̈́̅ţ̵͎̹̐̓̈́̉͂.̸̥͂̓̎ ̵̧͙͙̤͔͊̊D̸̢̞͖̒̄͒̃͒o̵̯͙̘͉͘n̴̪͓̩̥̓̿́͠ę̶̣̞͐̒ͅc̵̙̻̜̄̌́̕ ̶̨̣͙̫̈́ȁ̶̞̰͇̗̲͝l̷̨̯̫͑̊į̸̯̰͐̃q̴̨̙̑͊ǘ̶̧̯̋̒̽͒a̶̯̠̲̯̅͊ͅm̶͓̖̖̺̥,̶̧̞̬̲̭͝ ̴̩̖̺͑̾l̷̛̗̬̳̻̪͋͐̎a̴͉̬̣̋c̸͈͓̦̅͛͒̉u̷͚̳̍̓s̷̘̏̒̎ ̴͚̪̈́a̵̢̲̙̭̍̌̇͑̀ ̸͙̮̩̺̇̄͘͜s̶̢̻͔͗̏͒̈̾ȧ̴̪͋g̷͙͚̩̿ǐ̶͇͇͙̺̑̈́͆t̶͈̖͍̍ţ̴̗̼̪̔͋̑ĭ̵̱͔̼s̴̱̺͚͎̔̽ ̴̬̻͓̆̎͌͘͝ę̵̠̥̓͛̊͛͝ḻ̴̪̑̎̕e̵͔̘̜̪̻͗̇͗m̵̡͑̐̎͌ę̷̖̻͚̇n̵̡̖͕̍t̶̼͇̯̳̐̀̌̾̕ͅu̸̺͉͌͘m̶̹̤̳̝̌,̸̙̏ ̸͇̰̔̌̽̉͝s̷̨͉͌̏ā̷̢̧̘͆͜p̵͉͈̦̖̼̓̓̉́͝i̶̖̙̔̄̾͌̚ę̸͔̃͑͌n̵̨̤͛̄̃̈́ ̵̝̓͐n̴̨̥̣͓͒͑i̶̜͑̋s̸̛͖̖ḻ̶̓̎͂͂̕ ̸̩̺͓̓̆̔̚͠ĉ̴̫̹̈́̍̀͝ơ̸̗̼̳̣̰̆̆̑n̶̻͓̹͉͂̐ͅs̴̫̩̪̘͉̀͊͑e̸̘̥̝̐̕c̸̭̼̻̪͐́̄͝͝t̴͖͠e̸̪̠̿͌̕ẗ̶̛̄ͅu̷͖̣̭̘̐̃r̷̗̭̜͓̱̈́̕̚ ̵̨͍̱̓͛ţ̵͚̰̤̻̊̑̂͗e̴̮̤͆͛̊̄̍l̷̘̥͚̉̊͜ͅl̷̬̪̥̂̅u̴̲̜͔̫͉̿̿̒͠s̵͈̠̻͗̎̇ͅ,̶̢̅ ̶̰̹̺̼̖̓i̶̼̭̘d̵͙̫̈́̿̈́͆̕ ̶̮͚̮̯̋̾̓̚͝p̷̡̛͚̘͗o̷͖̘͇͗s̷͙͉̼̈ū̷̺̤̹̭̘̽͆͋͝ē̷̛̻͔̘̹͖̑r̸̗̈́̍e̵̦͓̿̌̎̓͊ ̶̢̖͕̇͒͂l̸͔̙̙̑ḯ̷͈̳̭̲̞b̶̨͓̙͠ȩ̷̧̹̜̝́̾͊r̵̞̄͜͜͜o̷̘̜̍ ̸̝̼̫̙̓̎̂͑͝ě̴͕͔͍̪n̷̞͓̉̅̍̅̀͜i̴̹̰͕̾͗͋͊͜m̶̳̮̬͂̐ ̸̺̤̒͛̓̌̀e̸͓̣̺̎͛͗͜ǘ̵̪͂̒͌ ̸̛̟͈̾̋͘͠m̴̘͌e̴͍͖̋̊̓̂ṫ̸͕͖̝̻̉͜ṵ̵̦͍͇̅͘ș̵͉̠̟̓̌̈̌͝.̴̨̣̰̓͐̕ ̶̼̪́͛͛͂͑Ḏ̶͍̥̀̿̈̕ơ̷͓͚̊̒ͅn̵͎̋͒̈̚ė̸̢̫͎͕̈̔̎̄c̶̰̍̐ ̸̹͓̔̃̈́f̵͔̞̉̔̊â̷̬͈̤̣̬̚͝c̷̺̟͉̤͝ḭ̷̡͙̼̋͗͗̋l̷̪̙͚̔̉̐̀í̷̻̬̝̼͋s̶̳͇̜̞͋͘͠ḯ̶͖̪͘s̴͕̝̓ ̵͎̱̾ḏ̵͘ǫ̷͋l̶͙͗o̵̹̣͆͋̕r̶̢͔̙͊̆̚͠ ̶̭̠͆̕ͅë̸͕̫̯́r̷̮̜͍̍ͅơ̴͚͇͉̐̈̕ͅş̷̢͛,̷̣̜͍̲̗͘͠ ̸̟̠̰̖̄̒̂d̵̥̘̓͒̉͝a̷̭̭̿̌͌̀p̷̛̦̲͛͠ĩ̶̮̲͙̎̀͒̽b̴̬͐̓u̵̧̹̰̣̓̑s̸̹̞̺̼̓͑͆͘͘ ̴͙́r̴͍̤̫̐͌̆͊h̴̡̩̗͉͍͗o̵̡̥̼͆̄͐͘̕͜ņ̴̬̪̱̖̋c̷͚̄u̴̝̐̃̈͘s̵̹̹̫͂̈́ ̸̦̈́e̵̱͕̫̘̅ř̶͎͕̦̂ô̶̰͋̿͝s̷̰͚͉͌͑ ̸̤͖̺͍̰̔̅̀̈́̉v̸̧͔̜̌͝ȁ̵͈̟̙̞̠̌͝r̷̪̻͕͊͌ͅi̴̟̺͍̪͚̔́̽͒u̵̺̟͕͎̘͋͒͐͝s̵͖̬̹͙͒͛̈́ ̵̛̋̓ͅę̶̠͗̽̿ủ̴͍̲͚͙̿̈́̿͠.̵̙̜̯̳̓͜͝ ̴̡̮̄̍̓N̴̼̙͒͂͛̓̃͜u̵̳̘͙͊̅l̴̖͍͈̫̔̑̕l̸̘̇̂à̸͉͙̳͇̀̂m̵̧͓̰̔͌ ̵̞̻͙̙͘ͅs̴̛̹̤̗̯͊͆̌̕ͅa̴͙̙͓̰̅̈́̽̃̍ḡ̸̛̙̊͆i̵̥̔t̶̼͈̹͆̅̎͠t̵̨̪̹̼̊͒͐̍͜i̸̧̘̭͔͛̆̕s̴͎͈͌̿̿̆ ̶̨̘̭̲̃̿̋ḙ̷̤̺̘͒͠s̷͕͇̓̽͒͝t̸̘̲̎̑ ̷̦̯̥͚̓̈́ë̴̙́ĝ̷̟̉̉͑͝ȩ̴̢̱̗͈̓̃t̷̪͗̈ ̸͙̻̱͇̖̏͒͂͐a̷̦͈͖̎̇̀ř̸͇c̵̝̆̄̑͗͠u̸̥͖͆̔͋ ̸̡̡̡͎̠͗̾̅é̶̢̡̙̓f̷̠̞̃̈́͝f̶̛̻́i̶͔̬̞̼̘̎͗͝c̶͔̹̫͗͂͂ȋ̴̳͔̀t̶̻̘͚̤̑͐͛̿u̴̩͍͗̉̏̆͜͜r̶͉̊̓ ̶̢̤̠͙̃͌̋v̴̛̩̦̼̒̽́ͅỉ̴̫̬͚̩̈́͌̈v̷̢̦̹̤̈̄͂͊e̶̠̲̗̘̝̽͒̓ř̶̛͓̈͆r̴̝̳̺̯͚̈́̄̾̉̚ǎ̶̛̺̆̌̚.̶̦̗̬̠̐̆͌̾̽ ̵̨̤̺̭̊̿͒͝S̷̳̟̳͛̄u̵̪̾̄̑͊̑s̸̝͈̘͆̓p̸͉̉̓̆̍͠ȩ̸͐̓̌n̵̠̪͌d̸̝̮̾͛i̷̪͊s̶̡̛̟͍̄̑͂͠s̵̡̞̭͑e̴̤̋ ̴̧̢̝͐̌̄̎͜s̶̡̪̰͔̺̏̄̿̂ě̵͕̪̟̝̈́d̴̞͙̝̺̔̂̎͘ ̶̢̼̉p̸̩̖͉͊͋r̸͖͕̼̬͎̊̅e̵̩̮̫͌̈́̆ť̴̖͑̌̑͒i̵̢̩̹͆͜͜u̶̢͇̣̲̿͑̑͑͘m̸̛͕̐̂ ̸͚̘͓͈̆̈́̒̅ę̴̦̖̺́̔̌r̴̳̯̣̣̊͆ȏ̵͓̺͕̼̌ş̸̳̖̥̩̆.̷̢̡͖̲̇͌̄ ̵̬̺̞̊P̸̨̹̙͉̈́̎̓̅̅ŕ̸̡̛̤̖͗̿͘a̵̯̮̘͗͌̈ͅe̶̥̙͈̞̽͆s̸͓̈́ȩ̵̟͗͐̈̾͝ǹ̶̥̣̣̳̭t̵̥̣̺̲̓̆̅ ̴̤̱͕̤̂e̸̤̔l̸͖̺̙͎͑͛͑̾̾e̵̖̳͖͚̳̓̃̒͒i̴̢͖̙̪̍͊̓̕̕f̶͖̥̱̉̈̓͠e̴̮͑̈́̉͘͘n̷̤͎̬͎͆̄̿̆d̷̠̜̃̀ ̴͇̬͍̅e̸͈͋͊͗n̷̤̲̟̪͇͌̅̂ị̸̧̧̤̤͌͂͐̕m̴̢̛̘͍̗̆̓̈̍ ̶̛̱̼͆̅̇ȁ̴̡̼̬ ̷̮͇̗͈̃̄d̵̞̹̏̂̂̃̕i̷̘̠͐͋̂a̸̻͍̠͑m̴̫͇̬̥̐ ̵̱͑m̵̛͍̮̫̣̺͗̏à̴̞̥̪̎̏̋͑l̸̲̺͛̇͆̈ȩ̶̺͉̻̌͠s̴̪͑͆͊͌̅ṵ̴̢̱̽̉̕̚͠a̴͙͈̫̬͉̋̈͊̔d̴̨̘̼̥͍͆a̵͇̥͒̅̾͂̄ ̵͎͈̼̕͜f̷̼͗̉͋̐̚ȩ̷̫̑̆̌́̕ṳ̵͉͉̣̄̏̽̈̿g̵͎̘̮̫̹̒̓̿̀î̷͕̦̣̔a̶̧̧̝̳̎̋ț̷̩̈́͋̓͛͠ ̵͈̋a̷̘̮̓̚͠͝ĉ̶̨̨̬̂̓ ̷͙̭̜̞̎ȩ̶̫͎̬͊̓̓g̸̬̐ȩ̴̛͔͙ţ̶̙͕̩̯̉͒ ̴̛̹̆̈́̎̚l̸̝̾́̆̇̓ė̸̘̲c̷̱̻͔̀t̶̡̜̫̼͉́͝͝u̷̩͓̠͇͐s̴̨͈̘̻̆̂͒̍͑.̸̹̼̩̖͘

* * *

When _Mialma_ woke he knew that the dream was not a dream.

 _Nyarlthotep_ was not a name he knew. They felt certain he had heard it before though.

They could only hope that whatever the being that may be paying them a visit was, ae? would be more interested in seeing the Mistress hurt than in harming him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Scene:  
>  _Interesting._  
>  _You might be a worthy child._  
>  _If you can return without perishing, I will consider your petition._  
>  _All things must come to an end little ~~mortal~~_  
>  _You are not meant for this reality._  
>  _You could not have. Not on your own._  
>  _And yet here you are. That is what makes you interesting._  
>  _You will not last long here. We will send you home and we shall see if you prove worthy of ascension._
> 
> Second to Last Scene:  
>  _Welcome back little ~~mortal~~_  
>  _We are not in your world. The rules work differently here_  
>  _We are not so fragile as to take offense at your thoughts, little ~~mortal.~~ You shall not come to harm because of them._  
>  _I did say I would consider your petition if you could find your way here once more. So ask and we shall see if we shall grant it._  
>  _Perhaps not but you did come with a wish in your heart, did you not?_  
>  _Well? Speak little ~~mortal~~_  
>  _You are interesting.  
>  You come here, to the place beyond and between realities, not knowing how you got here or who you are. You have had your very being torn from you and twisted to suit the needs of the princess who overreaches. You are in a position to take control of several systems.  
> And yet. When offered a chance take revenge. To seize power and riches. To reclaim your lost self.  
> You seek nothing save the power to remove the threat to ones who have only just remembered.  
> Tell me little ~~mortal~~. When your so called Mistress falls what shall you do?_  
>  _It has been some time since I have had a child.  
>  And Yog-Sothoth's has proven interesting in their own right.  
> Very well. We shall grant your petition little one and in return you shall learn and grow and prosper.  
> Do you agree to these terms?_  
>  _I cannot say. Each child I have claimed has done so differently.  
> ...  
> You fear that your end of our bargain would require that you bring destruction and despair to your world._  
>  _It will not.  
>  I would not consider claiming you as a child if it would. I have grown tired of children who do so with gladness._  
>  _We shall ask Nyarlathotep to pay you a visit, child.  
>  Perhaps ae will agree to arrange for you to have help._  
> (For anyone rereading and confused by changes to some of the eldritch bullshit text this is because the first paragraph should now be something that is actually vaguely translatable instead of random crap that makes me question if I even glanced at it before applying zalgo).
> 
> Kudos to anyone who manages to identify who/what _Mialma_ just made a deal with.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	13. Together Again (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim's fairly certain that Jonny want them to be together, ze'd like to confirm that though.
> 
> Also, we start to learn just what happened between _We're Keeping You_ and the events of _Tim Goes Crazy_ and some of what both Tim and Jonny think has happened since Bertie's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- communication difficulties  
> \- self-loathing/self-hatred  
> \- implied/referenced dysfunctional and/or abusive relationship  
> \- implied/referenced suicide/martyrdom  
> \- ...dissociation actually isn't on here for once.
> 
> It's not until the last section, but [here is the song that Jonny's singing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlFOpw8tG7Y)

Tim woke up with two people draped across hir chest this time.

It felt like someone was playing with hir right hand where it was outstretched under the weight of a body. Another weight was settled on hir left leg.

A quiet drone of conversation around hir was soothing. It would be difficult to tune in, ze probably could if ze tried though. For now, ze was content to lay here surrounded by hir family.

Tim still wasn’t used to sleeping alone in all honesty. Even when ze and Bertie had lived in their own flat, ze hadn’t ever slept alone. On the rare occasions that Bertie wasn’t there as well, Tim had either crashed at someone else’s or someone had crashed at theirs. 

After the war started, it’d been even worse. They’d had to sneak off most of the time to even get a bit of privacy. More than one member of their original unit had teased them about it. They hadn’t really done so with an intent to have sex most of the time though.

They just wanted some space to themselves...even if it had usually ended in necking.

After losing Bertie, and not much later Jonny, Tim had spent most nights in a lonely bed.

The only times ze’d gotten to sleep next to someone else really was when ze’d fallen asleep with Marius or Raph instead of bailing.

So ze was quite happy with hir current situation, surrounded by hir family.

A gentle kiss was pressed against the side of hir neck, followed by a slight scrape of teeth.

Tim moaned softly.

"Jonny. If you start having sex while I'm in the room I will castrate you."

"Considering the number of times I've walked in on one of your orgies, _Nastya_ , you'd deserve it."

Tim smiled at the banter. 

It sounded like Ashes and Ivy were both also present and laughing at Jonny and Nastya's argument as well. 

One of the people on top of hir grumbled and pressed closer. Presumably they were also at least partly on top of the other person considered they also pressed closer.

They squeaked slightly. It sounded like Jonny. 

That made sense. Jonny had been between Tim and Marius when they went to sleep. And he'd followed Tim to stay pressed against hir chest the night? before. From what Tim remembered, he had tended to chase whoever he was curled against in his sleep to stay pressed as close to them as possible during the war too.

That would make the other person on top of hir Marius? The weight on hir chest felt about right for Marius and Jonny. Tim didn't know if ze could trust hir memory on that though.

Whoever was playing with hir hand let go and started poking hir.

Ze took hir hand away and wrapped it around ...yeah that was Jonny. Marius was the one lying half on him. 

Jonny pressed a smile against hir neck. "Morning," a pause, then the whisper continued, "beautiful."

Tim's cheeks burned. Apparently this was going to be a thing now.

"Morning."

"That is interesting. I calculated that there was a-"

There was the sound of a slap and then more muffled talking.

"...do I want to know what's happening," Tim whispered.

"Apparently we're, quote, weirdly cute when we're not fighting," Jonny whispered back. "Ivy got banned from talking about us after she said that."

"...and it's actually being enforced? Normally everyone ignores your bans."

Oh. Ze probably shouldn't have pointed that out. It drove Jonny up the wall.

" _I'm_ not the one who banned her. Nastya did."

“Ah.”

That would explain why she was actually being banned.

Even if ze could move them both fairly easily, Jonny and Marius together were heavy enough that hir chest was starting to ache with them curled up on hir.

Tim cleared hir throat slightly. “I’m gonna roll us back onto our sides, kay?”

There was a pause before Jonny replied. 

“Marius is still mostly on top of me. ...Also, this is comfortable.”

“Yeah, but you and Marius both being on top of me is making it hard to breath and given that Nastya’s present…”

Jonny snorted.

Tim smiled. A rush of pleasure shot through hir at Jonny’s laughter.

Even if ze wasn’t able to do everything right, at least ze was making Jonny happy.

Ze wrapped hir left arm around Marius as best ze could before shifting hir weight to one side. It wasn’t particularly difficult to turn the three of them so Jonny and Marius were laying on hir arm instead of hir chest. Ze opened hir eyes so ze could look down at Jonny and Marius.

Ze weren’t quite so successful at not disturbing Marius though.

He whined and tried to curl closer to either Tim or Jonny, Tim wasn’t actually sure which.

“Do we have to get up,” he grumbled.

Tim could feel Jonny’s answering laugh more than ze heard it. 

Hir own laughter was apparently louder since Marius rose his head to glare at hir.

Ze grinned at him.

“Morning.”

Marius groaned and dropped his head back down to bury in between Jonny’s shoulders. “ ‘uck you.”

The room was filled with laughter.

Tim felt a wooden hand brush against hir shoulder.

“May I Join You?”

The Toy Soldier sounded less eager than it normally did.

“Yeah, just let me know when you’re gonna get up.”

It settled against hir back and wrapped its arms around hir waist, squeezing tightly for a brief moment.

Tim tugged Jonny and Marius closer to hir as ze pressed back into TS. Conversation was starting back up around hir, but ze didn’t feel the need to participate.

* * *

Tim didn’t want to let go of Jonny, but the first mate was starting to get agitated and ze knew he needed space. 

Ze tightened hir grip on him for a moment and pressed a quick kiss to his head. 

When ze let him go, he looked up at hir confused. 

Ze squeezed his hip as ze whispered, “I can distract the others if you want to bail.”

Marius had slipped out to track down Brian after they had eaten. Nastya had headed back down to engineering at the same time. Everyone else was still in the room though and ze could pick out at least three ongoing arguments.

“It’s fine.” Jonny was pointedly not looking hir in the eye.

Tim couldn’t help but snort at that. “Jonny. I know I’ve been an idiot for...a long time, but I like to think I can tell when someone’s getting on your nerves and the crew very much is right now.”

Jonny huffed. He leaned back into Tim so his face was hidden against hir chest. “I said it’s fine. I’ll leave if I want to.”

Ze pulled a face at that. Moving hir arms back to encircling him, ze dropped hir head on to his.

Tim knew that they’d more than likely just end up getting in a fight if ze pushed it. Ze also knew that Jonny was more than likely going to end up lashing out if he had to deal with the chaos that tended to ensue whenever more than three of the Mechanisms were in the same room much longer.

“Should we just let the two of you have the room?” Ashes’s tone was teasing, but still serious enough Tim was confident in thinking it was a serious question.

Given the movement of Jonny’s hand away from hir and the laughter that followed, Tim assumed he’d flipped them off.

“Do you want to keep hanging out with everyone, Jonny?” Tim tried hir best to stress the want while keeping hir voice low enough Jonny was the only one who could hear hir.

There was a pause, then Jonny mumbled, “not really. Don’t wanna leave though.”

Tim hid his smile in Jonny’s hair. 

“I was kind of planning on kidnapping Jonny for a few days so…”

“Wow. I see how it is,” Raph sounded like she might actually be a little hurt. “Don’t have time for those of us that rescued you.”

There was the sound of a smack then Ashes’s voice saying that if ze wanted to spend time with Jonny before the rest of them to let hir.

...Ze should probably reassure Raph that she was still loved.

“Well next time I spend two centuries in prison you can be the one I get in a fight with before leaving.”

Jonny flinched slightly and clutched at hir.

“Okay then,” Ashes’s voice cut through any thoughts like the steel it was. “Everybody out. Tim can come find people when ze’s ready to deal with them. Until then we’re gonna give hir space.”

There was some grumbling as the rest of the crew gathered themselves and headed out. Tim tightened hir grip on Jonny, holding him as close as ze could.

After a few moments it got quiet again.

“W- we fought?”

Tim blinked. 

What did- Oh. Right. Ze’d told Raph that ze and Jonny had got in a fight so she wouldn’t be upset ze wanted to spend time with Jonny instead of her.

“Didn’t think so. Raph doesn’t know that though.”

A throat cleared behind them.

“I am still here you know”

“You did just say you were going to fuck off.” Jonny’s tone was edging into dangerous territory.

“...Fair.” There was a pause during which Tim got the sense Ashes was debating something.

“Look. Brian didn’t give me the details, but he did tell me something happened and he was worried about you. I’m guessing whatever happened fucked you both up. Do you want me to stick around in case you need help?”

Tim picked hir head up so they could look at Ashes. They didn’t look entirely comfortable, but they did look concerned.

“We’ll be fine. Maybe stay close? That way you’re available if we do need help.”

Ashes studied him for a long moment before nodding.

“I’m going to hug you now. That fine?”

Jonny groaned. “Just fuck off already Ashes.”

A smile pulled at the corner of their mouth. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

They walked over and wrapped their arms around both of them tightly for a few moments.

“I’ll be just outside in the medbay proper if you need me.”

With that they walked out. 

Tim and Jonny waited for several moments to make sure no one was going to pop back in before opening their mouths.

“Do you-”

“Could we-”

Tim couldn’t help but grin down at hir… at Jonny. Ze got a small smile in return as they both started giggling.

Ze tugged Jonny with hir to curl up in one of the more couch like areas of the room. Whatever Marius had done had left the room absolutely covered in cushions and bedding. 

As soon as they settled down, Tim sprawled against the side of the nest and Jonny in hir lap, Jonny’s hands were tangling in hir hair.

He pulled hir down enough that he could kiss hir.

Tim moved hir hands to rest on his hips and tugged him closer.

His mouth fell open for hir, but Jonny didn’t try to deepen the kiss despite the provocativeness of their position. He tugged lightly at Tim’s hair until ze was moaning softly into his mouth.

He responded with a pleased noise somewhere between a moan and hum.

Tim just enjoyed it for several moments before pulling back gently.

Jonny whined slightly as he tried to chase hir lips.

“As much as I’d love to keep kissing you, there’s a conversation we probably need to have first.”

Fear flashed across Jonny’s face as he started to close himself off from Tim.

_Shit. Tim, you idiot._

Ze ducked back down and pressed their lips together quickly. 

“Not a bad conversation - at least I hope not.” ze spoke quickly in the hopes that it would get through to Jonny before he worked himself up. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page as far as. As far as our relationship goes.”

Ze swallowed. Jonny wasn’t looking at hir but wasn’t trying to close himself off anymore.

“I don’t want to go around thinking we’re together if you don’t want to give me a second chance.”

Jonny tipped forward so his forehead rested on Tim’s collarbone and groaned.

_“¿Por qué es tan difícil entender que soy yo el que tiene problemas, mi cielito?”_

“Um. So I know I’m _micielito_ and I’m guessing that _problemas_ is problems-”

Jonny shoved a hand over hir mouth before ze could continue.

Tim hushed and waited for Jonny to explain in English or at least something ze actually spoke.

There was a moment of silence before Jonny shifted so he was resting his head against Tim’s chest instead of just his forehead.

“You don’t call yourself _mi cielito_.”

Tim pulled a face. Jonny may not have called hir that in a long time but Tim had noticed when he started calling hir that a few months before Bertie died. Ze distinctly remembered it because when ze’d tried to ask him what it meant he’s turned into a blushing stammering mess for a good couple of minutes.

“You’d say _tu cielito_ . _Mi_ is my, it’s um. I’m just saying you’re my _cielito_ . You’d say you’re _tu cielito_ if you’re talking to me and _cielito de Jonny_ or _su cielito_ if you’re talking to someone else.”

Jonny’s face was flushed and he was steadfastly avoiding looking at hir.

What was so embarrassing about calling Tim _cielito?_ It sounded like it was a pet name of some sort. Was it horrendously sappy or something?

“So if I’m _tu cielito_ , does that make you _mi cielito?”_

Jonny buried his face in Tim’s chest.

Tim couldn’t help but laugh as he began grumbling quietly in response to hir question.

“Come on. It can’t be that bad.” Tim nuzzled against the top of Jonny’s head as best ze could with how he was trying to disappear into hir chest.

“It’s just an affectionate nickname, right? Like how I tend to call you love or dear.”

Jonny just whined.

“Okay. If you don't want to tell me what _cielito_ means, then will you tell me how to call you my love?”

Jonny froze.

“Assuming it’s okay for me to call you that? I. If you don’t want me to, I understand.”

Jonny was trying to press his face further into Tim’s chest.

“Jonny? I know I haven’t exactly been anything approaching a good partner the majority of the time we’ve known each other. I really do want to make this work between us though. I- What do you want? What are you okay with us being to each other?”

Tim forced hirself to stop talking and give Jonny time to answer. Ze wanted to keep going, to beg him to take hir back, to give hir a chance to prove ze could still be good to him. 

Ze knew ze didn’t deserve it though. Besides, Jonny needed time to put his words together. He’d never been good at responding immediately when emotions were involved.

There were several long, painful moments of silence before he spoke again.

“Why do you keep saying you fucked up? You never hurt me when I didn’t want you to or get rid of me even though you hated me.”

_What!?_

Tim had literally spent more than five centuries actively trying to kill Jonny.

Ze’d brutalized him in more ways than one.

Ze hadn’t bothered to make sure he was okay, or tell him ze loved him, or anything since Bertie had died.

How could Jonny not hold that against hir?

“I literally killed you nearly every time I saw for the first five hundred years I was on Aurora. I hurt you nearly every chance I got since I woke up in her lab. I not only convinced myself that I hated you but convinced you that I did. I don’t see how you can stand to look at me, let alone love me.”

“I deserved it though. It’s my fault that Berite died. If I’d just kept my mouth shut then _She_ wouldn’t ‘ave mechanized you and you’d be dead, but that’d be better because you’d get to see Bertie again. And- and even though I’m the reason for everything that’s gone wrong in your life you still kept me, because you promised you would and yo- you always made sure I was taken care of.”

Jonny gasped as he finally stopped to breathe. He’d pulled back to look up at Tim. His eyes were wet. Tears threatened to start falling.

_What?!?_

_How could Jonny think it’d been his fault Bertie had died?_

Tim may not have been able to get hirself back to their camp but ze was still there. 

Bertie had insisted that Jonny take hir back and that he could come back with reinforcements. He’d said someone needed to stay back and since he couldn’t support Tim it was best if he did.

...when they reached camp and were calling for others to gear up and head back in with Jonny they’d heard the explosion. Given that Bertie’s tags had been in Jonny’s pocket when they crawled into bed that evening, it was obvious he’d planned it.

That stupid idiot had made Jonny take Tim back so they’d be out of the way and safe while he blew the tunnel. Probably had been faking how injured he was and hacked into the trucks’ autodrive to send them back toward the Kaiser’s men then kept blowing up everything he could.

Tim knew now that Jonny hadn’t been the one to bring hir to Carmilla. Ze couldn’t believe how stupid they’d been to never question why the first thing ze heard when ze woke up was her asking Jonny if he was happy and going to behave now. It should have been obvious that there was more to the story than that.

Ze may not have physically abandoned Jonny, but ze’d left him in every way that mattered. Ze certainly hadn’t tried to take care of him.

Tim knew for a fact that ze hadn’t bothered to give him so many things he needed. Ze’d withheld love and affection, safety and security. Literally everything ze could really.

Jonny was starting to shake, his hands curled tight in hir shirt, silent tears slowly running down his face. He looked confused, and desperate, and ...he looked almost hopeful.

He was leaning towards Tim and clutching at hir and thought that he deserved every horrid thing ze did or said to him and said he wanted to be good for hir but ze had to tell him how.

Tim took his face in hir hands and tilted it up so ze could lock eyes with him.

“Jonny, do you want to be with me? E- everything else aside, do you want to have a relationship with me?”

 _“Please.”_ Jonny’s voice was desperate. “I’m yours. Always. Wanna be good so you can love me.”

A pang echoed through Tim’s chest like hir heart was breaking.

Ze would never understand how Jonny could think that he needed to be better to be loved and wished so much that ze could hunt down every single person who put that idea in his head.

Tim leaned down and kissed hir boyfriend for the first time in far, far too long.

* * *

They hadn’t talked for a few hours after Tim got confirmation that they were together.

It hadn’t all been spent kissing either.

In fact, most of it was spent just curled around each other. 

Jonny had started tapping out melodies against Tim’s chest and collarbone fairly quickly. The patterns were almost reminiscent of the way Brian would trace a keyboard against the nearest surface absent-mindedly.

It was nearly an hour before he started singing softly.

> _No quiero estar sin ti_
> 
> _Si tú no estás aquí, me sobra el aire_
> 
> _No quiero estar así_
> 
> _Si tú no estás, la gente se hace nadie_
> 
> _Si tú no estás aquí, no sé_
> 
> _Qué diablos hago amándote_
> 
> _Si tú no estás aquí, sabrás_
> 
> _Que Dios no va a entender por qué te vas_
> 
> _Por qué te vas_

Tim recognized a few of the words but most of it made no more sense than Greek to hir.

Some of the songs Jonny sang were happy, most were almost mournful though.

From how Jonny pressed against hir, ze assumed they must be meant for hir. Ze wished they could understand what Jonny was telling hir.

His voice was beautiful. It always was. 

Tim's heart ached with how in love with this man ze was.

Eventually, as Tim was starting to drift off again to the sound of Jonny's voice, Jonny spoke again.

"Um. I've been staying in your room for the most part. Since- since I got back from the station."

"Kinda figured with how much of your stuff was in there. Brian confirmed when I asked."

Jonny went tense in hir arms.

Ze frowned.

What was wrong?

Jonny was tapping out a fast beat against hir shoulder.

“I uh. I can get my stuff out later today or whenever you want really.” As Jonny spoke his words sped up until he was starting to sound slightly panicked.

Tim ducked down and nudged at his head with hir nose until he lent back enough for hir to press a kiss to his lips.

One of his hands was back in hir hair almost immediately, clutching tightly as if ze was liable to leave at any moment.

It’s be nicer if Jonny stayed with hir.

The mere idea was enough to set heart beating fast. The idea of seeing his clothes intermingled with hir own. Of Jonny’s sewing supplies and ammo scattered across the room with hir weapons and inventions. Of waking up with Jonny draped across hir chest. Of falling asleep curled around him. 

Ze couldn’t help but moan slightly at the thought before pulling away.

“Okay,” ze sighed.

Jonny was still clutching tightly at hir. He looked scared.

No. Scared wasn’t quite right. 

It was more like… he was trying to resist being hopeful. 

Maybe? Maybe if Tim asked he might want to stay?

Tim bit their lip.

Jonny’s eyes darted to follow the motion, sending a thrill through hir.

“You.”

Jonny’s eyes darted back up to meet hirs for a split second before dropping back down.

“You could stay. If you wanted I mean.”

Fuck. Jonny wasn’t even looking at hir really and ze still couldn’t do this.

Ze tipped their head back to stare at the ceiling.

“I- I’d really like that actually. Like having you near me. Used to be really excited to take you home and get to curl up with you and Bertie every night. Pretty sure I was grinning like an idiot for a good few minutes when I got back and realized your things were in my room.”

Ze felt a slight scrap across hir neck that was immediately followed by a gentle kiss.

“Okay,” Jonny barely pulled back from hir neck enough that ze could understand him. “I’ll stay then.”

Jonny moved slightly before brushing another kiss against Tim’s neck. 

Ze gasped and grabbed at his hips tightly.

Of course, then ze had to choke back a moan as he ground down against hir.

He moaned, pressing closer to hir before biting down lightly.

Ze tipped hir head back further, keening softly at the burst of _pain-pleasure_.

Jonny tugged at hir hair just hard enough that ze couldn’t resist leaning into it. He released hir neck and placed a kiss over the mark that was bound to be there almost like an apology. Slowly he began trailing a chain of soft kisses down to hir collar.

Having Jonny not only be so gentle, at least by his standards, with hir but also take control was doing things to hir. Even if ze’d tried, Tim wouldn’t have been able to keep quiet as he continued lavishing hir neck, working a collar of hickeys into hir skin.

Later, when ze saw it in the mirror, ze would end up crying over how plain the mark of ownership was. Over how clear it was that ze wasn’t alone anymore.

For now though, Tim simply enjoyed the feel of hir boyfriend’s lips on hirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These bois are too damn cute and actually starting to heal...maybe. hopefully. Jonny's pov for this chapter will be up Thursday and include a bit of one of the other ballads he sung Tim as well. In the one I included here, _Si tú no estás_ , the singer is talking about not wanting to go on without the their love and how even if they can endure they don't have a reason to.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	14. Yours (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny's POV of the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- communication difficulties  
> \- self-loathing/self-hatred  
> \- implied/referenced dysfunctional and/or abusive relationship  
> \- implied/referenced suicide/martyrdom  
> \- ...dissociation actually isn't on here for once.
> 
> [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlFOpw8tG7Y) is the first song that Jonny's singing and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjJzKWbPTBA) is the second song he's singing.

Jonny had been awake for several hours by now he thought. 

Tim had woken up a little while after he had and woken Marius moving them off of hir. They’d eventually eaten, Brian had disappeared at some point while he was asleep but had left food in the main part of the medbay for all of them. 

As each member of his crew had poked at Tim until they were satisfied that ze was relatively alright and turned to their own conversations, it had slowly gotten louder and louder. At this point he was having trouble focusing on anything farther away than Tim - and he wasn’t sure how much of that was the fact that it was  _ Tim _ and how much was hir arms still wrapped tight around him.

Tim hadn’t really let go of Jonny since ze got back. 

He may not have known just how long it’d been, but he did know that he’d spent more time in Tim’s arms than out of them since Tim had announced hir presence by pinning him to the wall.

...Jonny honestly wasn’t sure how he felt about that actually.

On one hand, ze had scared him badly. He hadn’t even known someone was near him until ze’d grabbed his wrist. On the other, Jonny knew he wasn’t the most observant. Tim could have been following him around for hours and he wouldn’t have noticed.

Jonny would rather Tim scare him and give him kisses in apology than leave him ignorant of hir presence. …He just didn’t  _ like _ being scared.

-Not that he  _ had _ been. But it was the principle of the thing.

Tim’s arms tightened around him as ze dropped a kiss on to the top of his head. Ze let go of him and moved hir hands to lightly grip his hips instead.

He turned his face up to look at Tim. 

Ze gave him a small smile and squeezed his hip before he could say anything.

“I can distract the others if you want to bail.”

Leaving sounded great. 

...Jonny wanted to stay with Tim though.

“It’s fine.” He tried to focus to see if it was Ivy or Ashes that was watching them.

He wasn’t being very successful though.

Tim let out a snort.

“Jonny,” ze murmured, hir voice still soft enough he didn’t think anyone else could hear hir. “I know I’ve been an idiot for… a long time, but I like to think I can tell when someone’s getting on your nerves and the crew very much is right now.”

Jonny sighed and pressed his face into Tim’s chest.

He  _ knows _ that he’s going to end up yelling at someone at the absolute least if he has to deal with nearly the entire crew for much longer. 

He didn’t want to leave Tim though.

“I said it’s fine. I’ll leave if I want to.”

It was a pause before Tim gently laid hir head on his with a sigh.

There were a few beats of silence then Ashes’s voice sounded. “Should we just let the two of you have the room?”

Jonny let go of the back of Tim’s shirt to flip them off. The room erupted into laughter. 

Tim’s whisper cut through the racket somehow. “Do you want to keep hanging out with everyone, Jonny?”

No.

He wanted to stay curled up against Tim though. And Tim was enjoying their company.

“Not really. Don’t wanna leave though.”

Tim pressed hir face into the top of his head for a moment before picking it back up. 

“I was kind of planning on kidnapping Jonny for a few days so…”

“ _ Wow,” _ Raph sounded upset. “I see how it is. Don’t have time for those of us that rescued you.”

Jonny’s chest felt empty.

He didn’t  _ mean _ to take Tim away from her! 

Ze had come to find him. 

It wasn’t his fault. He could leave. It would hurt but he could do it.

“Well next time I spend two centuries in prison you can be the one I get in a fight with before leaving.”

_ They’d fought? _

Was that why Tim had stayed in that system instead of leaving with them?

Jonny had thought they were okay though. Tim hadn’t yelled at him any more than Nastya had for months and ze’d actually given him a hug before he’d left.

“Okay then. Everybody out. Tim can come find people when ze’s ready to deal with them. Until then we’re gonna give hir space.”

Tim’s arms tightened around him like ze were worried he was going to leave.

Jonny pressed closer as the others trickled out. When he thought they had all left he decided to risk it.

“W- we fought?”

There were a couple of beats where Jonny’s heart sank. 

“Didn’t think so. Raph doesn’t know that though.”

Jonny opened his mouth, not sure what he was planning to say, when he was interrupted by a throat clearing.

“I am still here you know.”

_ “You did just say you were going to fuck off.” _

_ Fuck. _

_ Fuck fuck fuck fuck. _

_ He didn’t mean to snap at Ashes. _

_ It wasn’t their fault he was too stupid to realize they’d be waiting to make sure that he wasn’t going to hurt Tim. _

_ He  _ knew _ that they were worried about hir. _

_ He knew that  _ Her _ programming forced them to care about him.  _

_ Brian was the same way. He’d have told them everything he thought he could say. The same way Jonny knew they must have told him about- _

“Fair.”

They weren’t mad at him?

But he yelled at them?

“Look. Brian didn’t give me the details, but he did tell me something happened and he was worried about you. I’m guessing whatever happened fucked you both up. Do you want me to stick around in case you need help?”

Tim picked hir head up.

Brian hadn’t told Ashes what happened?

Why not?

It’s not like he needed to protect them from them.

“We’ll be fine. Maybe stay close? That way you’re available if we do need help.”

There was a pause as Jonny continued trying to make sense of what Ashes had said.

“I’m going to hug you now. That fine?”

Jonny groaned. “Just fuck off already Ashes.”

He shouldn't have said that.

Even if Ashes wouldn't be mad at him for it, he still didn't have to be mean to them.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” They sounded amused.

There was the sound of footsteps before a second pair of arms was wrapping around him and squeezing tight.

After a moment they slowly loosened their hold and stepped back. 

“I’ll be just outside in the medbay proper if you need me.”

With that they walked out. 

Jonny waited for several moments to make sure no one was going to pop back in before leaning back slightly so he could look up at Tim.

“Do you-”

“Could we-”

There was a half beat between them cutting themselves off and Tim grinning.

Jonny smiled back before they both started laughing.

As their laughter started to quiet down, Tim started dragging him with hir as they moved back over to the nest thing that Marius had set up.

Somehow ze managed to fall back into it with him still in hir arms. He was tugged into hir lap and settled over hir as ze propped hirself against the side.

Tim was still grinning at him and he wanted to taste hir smile so much.

His hands were in hir hair and he was pulling hir down so he could arch up to kiss hir before he finished the thought.

He managed to keep from whining when Tim’s hands curled around his hips and dragged him further into hir, but only just. His mouth fell open for hir to take if ze wanted.

He didn’t think he really wanted hir to though. Except he really,  _ really _ did.

It was confusing trying to figure out if he wanted Tim to keep kissing him all gentle and slow and making his chest ache like there was something wrong with his mechanism and his eyes start to burn like he’d rubbed peppers in them and every single atom that made up his being squirm with the need to somehow get closer to hir - or if he wanted hir to hold him in place and use him for hir own pleasure until he was sobbing and couldn’t tell where he ended and ze began.

Jonny tried not to but ended up tugging at Tim’s hair over and over, his hands twitching as he tried to stay still so Tim could take what ze wanted.

It must not have been an issue since after a few harsher tugs Tim started moaning softly against his lips.

He couldn’t help but groan when ze did.

He stopped trying to keep his hands still and just pulled at Tim’s hair as gently as he could to keep hir moaning into his mouth.

* * *

After what felt like forever and no time at all, Tim squeezed his hips and pulled back.

Jonny whined as he tried to stretch up farther to keep kissing hir.

“As much as I’d love to keep kissing you,” Tim spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “There’s a conversation we probably need to have first.”

Oh.

Jonny should have known better.

Even if Tim didn’t hate him anymore he was still a  _ stupid _ .  _ useless. Freak. _

Of course Tim would want to make sure he knew how bad he was before letting him kiss hir.

Tim was pressing an urgent kiss to his lips.

Hir words were quick, blurring into each other almost as ze rushed through them.

“Not a bad conversation - at least I hope not. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page as far as. As far as our relationship goes.”

Jonny kept his eyes on hir shoulder.

That didn’t  _ sound _ bad.

“I don’t want to go around thinking we’re together if you don’t want to give me a second chance.”

Jonny tipped forward so his forehead rested on Tim’s collarbone and groaned.

_ How could Tim still be so insistent that ze was the problem? _

Why wouldn’t ze just admit that it was Jonny and tell him what he had to fix so ze could do more than keep him.

_ “¿Por qué es tan difícil entender que soy yo el que tiene problemas, mi cielito?” _

“Um. So I know I’m  _ micielito _ and I’m guessing that  _ problemas _ is problems-”

Jonny shoved a hand over hir mouth before ze could continue.

Fuck.

He hadn’t actually registered that he’d switched to Spanish until Tim had questioned him. It made  _ sense _ that he did.

Ivy was the only other member of the crew who might speak Spanish and he wasn’t sure she did since he was pretty sure the Spanish he grew up speaking was different than any she would have encountered.

If he used Spanish then no one could tell that he was complimenting them instead of insulting them.

Except apparently Tim had picked up on the fact that ze was the only person he ever called  _ mi cielito _ .

Jonny turned his head to rest against Tim’s chest. 

How the hell did he get himself out of this?

“You don’t call yourself  _ mi cielito _ .”

Tim had always wanted to hear about his mother tongue when Bertie was still alive. 

Maybe teaching hir how to call himself Jonny’s  _ cielito _ would keep hir from questioning him too much?

“You’d say  _ tú cielito _ .  _ Mi _ is my, it’s um. I’m just saying you’re my  _ cielito _ .”

He was fairly certain he was blushing given how warm his face felt.

“You’d say you’re  _ tú cielito _ if you’re talking to me and  _ cielito de Jonny _ or  _ su cielito _ if you’re talking to someone else.”

There was a pause while Tim absorbed the lesson.

Jonny chewed lightly on his lip as he tried to figure out how he could address the issue of Tim insisting ze’d fucked up.

“So if I’m  _ tú cielito _ , does that make you  _ mi cielito?” _

Jonny buried his face in Tim’s chest.

_ Shit. Fuck. Nope. _

_ Nope nope nope. _

_ Jonny could NOT deal with this. _

Ze had called him love again though.

No. No, no no.

Tim called  _ everyone _ love.

It didn’t actually mean anything even though he really wanted it to.

Well. It meant that Tim didn’t hate him. But it didn’t mean Tim loved him.

Or that ze’d be okay with him calling hir  _ su cielito _ .

Tim was laughing at him.

“Come on. It can’t be that bad.” 

Tim nuzzled against Jonny’s head.

“It’s just an affectionate nickname, right? Like how I tend to call you love or dear.”

Jonny just whined.

_ No _ .

It was like how Bertie had called them  _ fy enaid _ or  _ fy bach _ when he was in a particularly amorous mood.

Except Bertie had been calling them  _ his _ and Jonny was calling Tim a sappy pet name.

“Okay. If you don't want to tell me what  _ cielito _ means, then will you tell me how to call you my love?”

Jonny froze.

_ What?!? _

_ But. But Tim had hated him. _

_ For years and years and years- _

_ He didn’t actually mean anything by it though. _

_ He called everyone love like it didn’t mean anything. _

_ Because English was stupid and only had one word for love. _

“Assuming it’s okay for me to call you that? I. If you don’t want me to, I understand.”

Jonny tried to hide his face in Tim’s chest.

He was definitely blushing now.

Of course it was okay. Jonny wanted Tim to call him that so much.

But they- he- ze-

Literally the only person who’d ever called him  _ amor _ was his mother!

You didn’t just  _ do _ that!

If Jonny wasn’t so useless and had been able to save Bertie then maybe they would call him that - but he was and Tim had hated him!

“Jonny?” Tim sounded ...worried? Or maybe hesitant was a better word.

“I know I haven’t exactly been anything approaching a good partner the majority of the time we’ve known each other. I really do want to make this work between us though. I- What do you want? What are you okay with us being to each other?”

_ Why?!??!?! _

_ Why was Tim so insistent that ze’d been a bad partner? _

_ The only time ze’d ever so much as laid a hand on Jonny when he wasn’t asking for it was when ze was actively trying to get a bullet to stick after he helped the Doc steal any chance ze’d have at seeing Bertie again. _

_ Ze hadn’t even left him really. Until ze decided to stay in that system and got caught and put in prison, the longest Jonny had gone without seeing hir was only a couple of decades - and that was because  _ he _ left  _ hir _ behind. _

_ Ze hadn’t ever left him for more than a year. _

“Why do you keep saying you fucked up? You never hurt me when I didn’t want you to or get rid of me even though you hated me.”

He could feel Tim’s stare.

“I literally killed you nearly every time I saw for the first five hundred years I was on Aurora.”

Yes? He deserved it.

It was his fault that Bertie was dead. It was his fault that the Doc had gone after Tim.

“I hurt you nearly every chance I got since I woke up in her lab. I, not only convinced myself that I hated you, but convinced you that I did. I don’t see how you can stand to look at me, let alone love me.”

“I deserved it though.”

Tim made a hurt noise at that.

Why was Tim acting like ze was wrong to punish Jonny for ruining hir life? 

“It’s my fault that Berite died. If I’d just kept my mouth shut then  _ She _ wouldn’t have mechanized you and you’d be dead, but that’d be better because you’d get to see Bertie again. And- and even though I’m the reason for everythin’ that’s gone wrong in your life you still kept me, because you promised you would and yo- you always made sure I was taken care of.”

Jonny was choking on tears by the time he cut himself off.

Bertie had gotten in between  _ him  _ and the last guard.

If he hadn’t then he wouldn’t have been hit.

Tim had already gone down with several bullets in one leg and a knife in the other. Jonny was immortal.

If Bertie hadn’t taken the bullet then Jonny would have died, but he’d have been back up with the hour.

...Bertie may not have died from the bullet but it’d been close enough to his heart that moving was dangerous. He’d insisted that someone needed to stay back to try and keep an eye of the explosives. Tim couldn’t walk on hir own and Bertie couldn’t support hir so it had to be him that stayed not Jonny.

He’d live long enough for Jonny to get Tim to the rest of their unit and gather reinforcements to deal with the explosives. If a medic came with them then there was nothing to worry about.

And like a fool Jonny had believed him.

Instead the tunnel had collapsed behind them as he’d reached the cavern the rest of their unit was in with Tim. When he’d gone back to try and recover Bertie’s body there hadn’t been anything there. 

Not a body. Not a truck. Not a single stick of dynamite.

Just a handful of broken chain links laying on the ground where Bertie had tugged them both to him and kissed them each in turn before sending them back to their unit.

Somehow Tim had never voiced that wretched thought.

Not even after ze finally gave up on Jonny being good. After he’d brought hir to the Doc’s attention. After he’d helped her mechanize hir instead of doing something to stop her.

Now ze didn’t hate him anymore. If it weren’t for the fact that ze kept insisting that it was hir fault not his that they’d fallen apart after losing Bertie, he’d think ze’d somehow found him worthy of forgiveness.

Jonny was fairly certain he was shaking. His hands definitely were with how tightly he was clutching Tim’s shirt. His face felt wet so he must have started crying.

Tim wrapped hir hands around his face.

Ze forced him to meet hir eyes and held the contact for a long moment.

“Jonny, do you want to be with me? E- everything else aside, do you want to have a relationship with me?”

_ Yes. _

_ He wanted everything Tim would give him. _

_ He wanted Tim to keep him. To love him. To teach him how to be good for hir. _

_ “Please.” _ Jonny didn’t even bother trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. “I’m yours. Always. Wanna be good so you can love me.”

Tim looked heartbroken as ze kept the  _ too much-wrong- _ _excruciating_ eye contact for another long moment.

Then ze leaned down and kissed him more gently than he could remember ever being kissed.

Jonny tried not to be too desperate, but he couldn’t help clinging to Tim as they exchanged kisses that were  _ too much-not enough _ . Eventually they stopped though.

Tim didn’t move hir arms out from around him, just hummed softly as ze wrapped around him more thoroughly. 

Jonny started tracing the score of whatever nonsensical songs ze were humming on the lower portion of hir shoulder. He may not have been able to follow along on an actual instrument without getting up to fetch his harmonica - which he had no interest in doing - but he could keep track of the half formed melodies as they would be written out.

After a while, Tim’s humming petered out. 

Jonny didn’t want the music to stop surrounding them though, so he took it up.

His face heated up when he realized what he was humming softly.

> _ Si tú no estás aquí, no sé _
> 
> _ Qué diablos hago amándote. _
> 
> _ Si tú no estás aquí, sabrás _
> 
> _ Que Dios no va a entender por qué te vas. _

_ Si tú no estás _ may have been fitting for Tim, but it was still more than Jonny wanted to admit to feeling for  _ anyone _ .

...but then Tim didn’t speak Spanish did ze?

So ze had no idea of what Jonny was telling hir right now.

...fuck it.

There was so much that Jonny had been unable to voice over the years. He could tell Tim at least a little of it.

> _ Quiero perderme en ti _
> 
> _ Yo quiero dejarme ir _
> 
> _ Aunque algo me dice que me harás sufrir. _
> 
> _ Yo quiero perderme en ti _
> 
> _ Que te pierdas tu en mi _
> 
> _ Como si en el mundo no existiera nada más _
> 
> _ Que nuestro amor _

Jonny knew he’d be sweatin’ like a guilty man ‘fore a jury if Tim ever found out just what he was singing hir, but being able to give Tim these thoughts, these feelings that he didn’t know what to do with...he wanted to.

Even if he couldn’t bear to tell Tim any of this outright, he wanted to give hir this in some way.

* * *

Jonny didn’t know how long they sat? laid? there. Arms wrapped around each other, the ballads and promises he grew up with echoing as best his voice could in the cushion filled room.

Eventually he stopped singing though.

Tim was completely lax beneath him. Hir arms no longer held him tight, but it wasn’t like ze’d let him go. More like ze didn’t feel the need to.

….it was nice.

He liked that idea. That Tim was letting him go because ze trusted him to not move.

He wanted to stay like this forever.

Jonny sighed as he pressed closer to Tim.

His heart tried to beat faster every time he thought of waking up in Tim’s arms again. It couldn’t, of course, but Jonny had learned to tell when it would be if it were still flesh and blood.

The past couple of mornings were the first times he’d gotten to do that since he’d been captured and summarily executed during the Lunar War. 

Tim probably would want Jonny out of hir room though.

_ No.  _

No, ze wouldn’t.

He. He was pretty sure ze wouldn’t at least.

Ze said ze wanted to keep him and  _ love _ him again.

Even if ze hated how much of a mess his room normally was, ze still wouldn’t make him leave.

Like how ze’d promised nothing could ever make hir stop loving him?

No! Ze  _ didn’t! _

Ze  _ told him so _ .

Ze was just angry at him and tried to trick hirself into believing ze didn’t love him anymore because it hurt less than loving him if he could doom hir to an eternal life.

And he believed hir?

How stupid was he? Didn’t he realize that ze was just telling him what he wanted to hear?

_ No! _

He. He would prove it.

He’d ask hir. Right now.

"Um. I've been staying in your room for the most part. Since- since I got back from the station."

"Kinda figured with how much of your stuff was in there. Brian confirmed when I asked."

_ Oh. _

See? Didn’t he tell himself?

Tim’s arms tightened around him so they were holding him in place for a moment. Then ze shifted and started rubbing his back gently.

Jonny was fairly certain he was tapping out something terrified against hir shoulder.

It was odd that he was since he  _ absolutely _ didn’t get scared anymore.

Not since Carmilla mechanized him. She took that away because what use was an immortal that was scared of everything.

“I uh. I can get my stuff out later today or whenever you want really.” 

Jonny could feel his voice raising as he spoke faster, trying to spit the words out in the quickly fleeing hope that Tim would object.

Tim responded by nuzzling his head.

Jonny frowned.

Ha. Can’t even be bothered to tell him that ze wanted him out of hir room.

His eyes prickled.

Tim’s nuzzling got more insistent, like ze was trying to get his attention.

He looked up at hir and immediately had his lips captured in a too sweet kiss.

That  _ had _ to mean ze didn’t actually want him to go...right?

His right hand was tangling in Tim’s hair and curling tightly around the thick curls by the time he realized he’d moved it. He parted his lips, hoping that Tim would take more from him.

Instead ze moaned into his mouth and pulled back.

Jonny didn’t think he let out a whine at the loss but he wasn’t entirely sure.

He just wanted to stay with Tim.  _ Nunca quiso dejar su amor otra vez. _

“Okay.” Tim’s voice was barely there. Ze sounded resigned, like Jonny had done something ze didn’t like but couldn’t do anything about.

...Maybe ze wanted him to stay?

Ze kept saying that it was all hir fault so maybe ze didn’t want to ask Jonny to.

_Yeah right_.

Tim chewed on hir lip for a moment.

Tim was basically perfect and Jonny was a disaster.

If somehow ze  _ did _ want him to stay with hir, ze’d just say so.

Not. Not if ze thought ze was asking too much of him.

Ze was still fucked up from solitary. Ze couldn’t tell that it was all Jonny’s fault and felt bad for leaving him so was blaming hirself.

As if.

Even if it was true then that just meant that Tim was too fucked up-

“You.”

Jonny’s eyes darted back up to meet hirs for a split second before dropping back down.

“You could stay. If you wanted I mean.”

Jonny gasped, his eyes darting up to see Tim tilting hir head back so ze was staring at the ceiling.

“I- I’d really like that actually. Like having you near me.”

_ See. _

_ He was right. Tim wanted him still. _

“Used to be really excited to take you home and get to curl up with you and Bertie every night. Pretty sure I was grinning like an idiot for a good few minutes when I got back and realized your things were in my room.”

Tim sounded nervous and a little choked up.

It wasn’t like Tim to be any less than confident, but then Tim seemed convinced that Jonny should be refusing hir. That Jonny would tell hir to leave.

...He wasn’t sure how to tell hir that he wasn’t ever going to.

He knew he could never believe it if someone told him that.

...Maybe he could show hir?

Ze’d. Ze’d liked having marks from him and Bertie during the war.

Had blushed and squirmed, but always been smiling anytime ze touched one or someone commented on it.

The fact that ze’d still taken the time to leave deep bruises and bleeding bites on him was part of how he’d known ze was still keeping him even when ze didn’t love him.

Jonny carefully leaned forward and licked a stripe up Tim’s neck slowly enough that he could tell when ze shivered the most. He returned to that perfect spot just above hir collarbone and dragged his teeth across it.

Hir breath caught.

He pressed a kiss to the spot again before pulling back just enough that ze should be able to understand him. “Okay, I’ll stay then.”

Tension that Jonny hadn’t even realized was gathering in Tim’s frame suddenly dropped as ze let out a pleased sound similar to a sigh.

He moved his head a little to the left so he could drop a kiss against the hollow of Tim’s throat.

Ze did properly gasp at that, hir arms dropping from around Jonny to grab at his hips. Hir fingers dug in hard enough to leave bruises as ze tugged him into hir.

He moaned as he felt hir cock stirring slightly below him.

That may not have been his intention, but he certainly wouldn’t have any objections if ze wanted to move this further along.

In the meantime, Jonny was going to give hir a collar to show off how much he loved hir.

He sunk his teeth into hir throat and got a high keen in reply. Hir head tipped back even as he began pulling at hir hair so it would.

As ze began to quiet again, he let go to soothe the no doubt stinging skin with a kiss, moving over to get another gasp and moan out of hir as he did it again an inch or two to the left.

Unless Tim decided to stop him, he was going to make sure ze couldn’t look in the mirror for the next  _ week _ without seeing his promises that he would always be waiting for hir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're adorable. and so freaking cute. I honestly am curious if anyone managed to catch the ...I'll go with issue, that showed up in this chapter and the last one. It's fairly subtle so don't feel bad if you didn't. If you think you did I'd love to hear what you think it is!
> 
> Edit: Translations for (some of) Jonny's Spanish since I've been reminded that that doesn't make vague sense to most people:  
>  _¿Por qué es tan difícil entender que soy yo el que tiene problemas, mi cielito?”_ -> approx. "Why is it so difficult to understand that I'm the one with problems, dear?"  
>  _mi cielito_ -> lit. 'my (little) sky' or 'my (little) heaven.' At least in my experience this is similar to 'dear' or 'sweetheart' in English, it's something that could be used to refer to a younger "family" member or a significant other. (Family is in quotes because the actual relationship isn't important, what matters is that they're close enough to be called family but English is dumb). _cielito_ always has male grammar so it stays the same regardless of Tim's gender.  
>  _tú cielito, cielito de Jonny, and su cielito_ -> (in order) 'your little heaven,' 'Jonny's little heaven,' and 'his little heaven.' Basically how to adjust Jonny's pet name so it's grammatically correct.  
>  _amor_ -> lit. 'love' This is both familial and romantic love, but it's not a casual thing. Like, I have literally met couples that have been together for 20 years and never called each other _amor_ or any of the conjugations thereof.  
>  _Nunca quiso dejar su amor otra vez._ -> approx. 'He never wanted to leave his love again.'
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	15. Enter the Void (Mialma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mialma_ makes a new friend :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced suicidal character (off screen)  
> \- knowing things without knowing them  
> \- symbiote like shapeshifting  
> \- body stealing kinda? it's more copying but still using someone else's appearance  
> \- just. general eldritch bullshit
> 
> Translations, including the relevant eldritch text, are in the end notes.

Mialma sat cross legged on their bed.

He wasn’t sure _why_ that seemed to be the thing to do, but it was.

They would have to consider that at a later point.

...assuming they lived that long.

Given the way the Mistress spoke of the ...beings in the realms beyond, he had done something very very stupid when they had agreed to that deal.

Their deal with…

Static was filling his ears. His mind. Growing louder and louder as it took over everything.

_T̸̨̬̙̖̎̑̃͗̎̐͜h̴̛̥̤͉̎͒̍̍̒e̷̦̭͕̓͛i̴̧͙̹̥̝̔r̴̪͎̞̮̆̓͌̚ ̴̢̥̰͙̘̥̇̓̈̅͋ṗ̷̟̖͜͝á̴̡̖r̶̩͔̞̹̮̃̎̂̉̚e̵̖͌̿̔̃͐̕ń̴͚̟̠ť̵̛͉̦̕̕͠.̴̧̺͎͇̣̭̑̄͐͘ ̶̳̫̘͓̽̄ͅT̸̛͍̗̉̓̾͗̉͜h̸̩̘͉͉̆̓̎ả̷̯̭̬͑ṭ̵̺͓̱͗ ̷̛̱̼̩̼͙͆̀͝ẇ̵̫̰̖̹̈́̽̓͠h̷͗̓̕͜i̸̢̫̊c̵̙̺̰͔͋͌̅̈́̐̃ḫ̶̡̛͈͎̤̾̑̌ ̵̜̀͂̄̊͘͝g̴̦̩̥̣͕̱̊a̴̳̗̩͊̇́̂̋ͅͅv̵̡̦̯̠͂̈́ę̷͙̦͔̦̂͛̈́ ̸̹̩̞̞̬͗̈́h̸̖̰͚̜̏į̶͉̮̈́͠ḿ̸̼̌̈́̚̚ ̸̖̺̯̗̇̂̈l̵̰̬͗̋̌̕i̸̡̤͍̳̖̊͐̆͗̊͝f̶̣̘̬̄̑̓ͅe̵͇̼̻̎̃̃̑̍͐.̷̡̥͒̔́ ̷̡̬̯͔͎͓͘T̴͙̎ḩ̸̲͝a̶͓̺̤͕͚͂t̵̢̒͗ ̷̡̩͍̻̥̓̂̃͝w̸̛͔̙̬h̵͉͉͚̗̅́i̴̻̬͓̤͆̔̐̏c̵̝͇̝̮̐̌h̶̞̟͕͑͐͂̈́ ̶̱̹̓̓̾ś̸̗̖͖̐̓͝ǎ̴͔͑͋̎͘͜͝ͅw̸͈̯̲͔̑͗̈́̏͝ ̵̡̨̬͔̙̙̍̓̃̍h̷̩̓ḯ̵̞͉̙̲͆̆͊́͌ṁ̵̡͔͇̖͂͊ ̴̛̰̰̖̱͓̈́̋͊̚͜ŗ̷̭̞͚̥̆͆e̵̛̤͔̐̌͋͐͋͜ͅb̵͙̏͘o̶̝͙̊̍̿ṛ̶͕̦͎̟̺̒̈͒͑̈n̷̘̤͇͖͇̻̓̊͠.̷̜͇͎̓͌͗̆͛̚ ̶̤̟̬̳̋͝T̶̹̥̬̜͕̾̂̋̉̚͠ẖ̴̖̜̈́̄̕ͅă̵̺̈́͛t̵͕͉͍̠͐ ̴̡̹̼̜̬̩̊̈̈͝w̵͕̳̔̂h̵̗͎͗ǐ̶̡͚̰̮̳̋̉̈́͑c̵̹̰̪̰̪̜͐̏̃ḩ̵̻̊̄̾ ̵̻͚̹͊̇͜͜č̵̤̻̂̊l̸̠͓̬̋̈́a̶͕̩͌̕ỉ̵̢͖̞͙̭̦͋m̷̳̭̟̬̊̊̐̃ȇ̶͚͎͓̺͊́̿̚d̷̡̮͈̙͐̾ ̷̗͕̥̲̳̘̾ț̸̗̰̿̅͂̂͘ḧ̸͖̥̩̘̳̙́̉̐͠͠e̵͖͚̍m̶̡̘͚͑̄̌͜͝ ̴̨̫̜͛̆͒̕ả̷̦̞͈̟͐͠s̷͓̅̈̍ ̶̭̱̗̚i̴̛̛̜͔̫͚̙̒̉̽͜ẗ̸̲̲͈̚s̵̨̛̬̲͖̋͘͝ ̵̥̦͓̬͂̽o̴̫͔̼̹͗̏͂ẇ̶͈̺̘̘̺n̸̳̾ ̶͓͒͌a̷̼̻̺̥̭̫̽̇͌ñ̸͔͖̠̬͇̯̿̏͑͌͝d̴̫̭̝͈͕̏͒ ̸̡̦͍̽̉w̷̦̲͐̾̈́̅͑̓ơ̶͎̼͚ú̷̢͖̰̤̞̣̔̌̎l̵̛̻̱̼̳̙̾̈́̈͒̕͜ḍ̴̦̳̇̍͐̐̿͘ͅͅ ̴͕̖̞̻̫̭̉͋̚͝͝c̴̡̧̞̣͗͑a̸̢̺̪̅͂͠l̷̢͙͈̦͑̆̈́̔͘ľ̸̗̇̓̊ ̷̨̟̒͐̾̉ͅt̵̳̋h̷̭̻̙̰̃͒̕͜͜ē̴̢̝͚̼m̷̨̘̩̣̬̙̓͝ ̶̢̤̙̺͎̐̑͂̈́͜͝ç̸̞͔͈͈̙̾ĥ̶̘͉̼̺̍̓̈́͗̕i̷̲͔̭̦̟͑̒̎̂̃l̵͉̤̭̉ḍ̸͓̐́̂͜.̷̼͍̻̪̫̽̆͋̚ ̵̟̑̏Ť̵̛̝͚̜̻̞͒̏ͅh̷̞̦̙̍̐e̸͇͇̪͈͒̋ ̶̞̘̫͖̽͘p̶̨͇̫̻̔͌̊̉̉͋ṛ̸̬̩͇̓͝ơ̵̲̞̦̥g̷͕̹̀̓̽̚ë̷̢͓̮͓͉̣́n̴̛̗̭̾͌͐í̶͖̠͉̣̝̈́̽t̵͓͂ő̴̧͔̯̘͖͋̊͒͂͘r̷͕̙̟͙̼͗̕ ̴͙̰̖̖̤͊̉̔́̕o̵̢̧̙͊̆̾̚͝͝f̶͕̣̫͓͚̄̓̾̔͒̒ ̸͎̙̤͈̻̫͛̋̌̾͘ĥ̵͍͖̚͜ỉ̴̛͕̬̋̔̕s̵̛̮̮͙͍͚͑ ̴̬̫̘̂l̶̡̠̠̲̩̼̒į̴̮̼̤͙͖̏̔̀̎̕ṉ̶̨͉͔̟̬̃̔̉̂ȩ̷̝̟̻̙̙̍͒.̸̠̲̻͒ͅ ̸̠̱̇̇͆̂̕͝T̵̮̥͕̲̘̓h̶͙̖͔̿ê̴̝̫̳̄̐͠ͅī̵̢͓̣͔̩̓̊r̶̼͔̭͝ ̴̧̬̗̗̦͍̈́a̶̡͋͂̍̽͠n̷̢̼̱̅͝c̴̬̩͔͗̍̃͘ë̶͔̙͍͠s̸͈̰͕͈̲̮̓̾̂̚t̸̢͉̣̟̖͛́̂̏̚o̷͖͎̍r̴͚̎̇͌̋̇̚ ̷̧̥͔͍̻̩́ä̷̡̳̤́̑͜n̵̛͉̔̌d̶̹͇̘̗͛̎̐ ̸̙̯͇͙̻͉͑͒̓̃͂̇k̶͖̰̦͓̪͕͋ĩ̶͎͙̪̂̃͐̓ṋ̸͈͓̗̯̊̈́͑̐͘s̶̻̳̰̲̪͉̒̇̅̍͠m̸̀̏̆̉̔̑ͅá̷͖͝ņ̶͂̑͘͠.̵͖̋̑̌̇̂_

_̴̫̉̍̆͝͝ͅT̶̗͙̯̣̬̾̍̈̚h̴̫͇̽̆͝é̷̬̄͐͐͝ ̵̡̜͓̯̣͙͊͋̕͝a̶̛̬̩̞͎̅̕͘l̸͕͚̭͍̩̆̈̃ḻ̶̡̻̮̥̫͆̑̕-̵̡̝͙͇͖̔͋̿̃̕k̵͚̝̯͓̥̼͒ṇ̴̥̇̒o̷͕̖͐͌̇w̴̡͚͖̟̞̝̓̊͛̑̇͘i̴̫͆̒̾̈́̊n̷͚̏̎g̶̨͈̈̈́͘̕͘.̸͍͑̽̐ ̸̖̩̖͚̻͒͒̉T̷͉̹̰̫̅̑̎̂h̶͕̺̥̪̄ȧ̴̪̯̰ͅt̵͙̬͈͖̍̅ ̶̼̍̂͜ẅ̵͕̠̜̠͖̩͒̊͊̿̽h̴͍̻͂̀̾͠͝i̶̡̞͚̮͓̇c̸̢̍̾ḧ̴̼͈̜́̒ ̷̘̘̺̲͔̰̂͘k̷̘̈́̀̇̓͗̽n̵͉͈̹̓̓̋̒̅͝e̸͉̼͈̍̎̔̈́́w̴͉͝ ̵̻̄̊ͅa̶̦̙̖̾l̸͖̠̦̞̯͆̊͠l̶̨̥͓͔̤̹̈͛ ̷̛̛̼̯̺t̵̜͐h̵̬̲̺͆̓a̶̹̥̬̞̪̙͝t̷̮̲̰͓̥̾͊̈́͗͂̐ ̴͚͉̰̍̓̆̚ẃ̷̺̙͚̊̚a̵͍̭̥͈͆̾s̴̭̩̟̃̒̂́̇ ̸̥̟̜̫̱̂͑̉̑͜ȃ̶̭̙̘̇̔̎ņ̷̝̼̇̎̐̈́̉͘d̶̬͎̟̹͇̄̒͝ ̷̟̍̈́̎̈́͝į̸̻̹̌̈́s̷̮̮̬̬̓́͒̍͜͠ͅ ̵̰̫̅̂̅a̷̰͊͋̆̈́n̵̙͕͚͈̆̏d̴̮̤͓̰̔̈ ̷̢̟̜͓͉̹͛͌̄͋͝w̷͕̄o̶̡̠̍͂̀͂u̷̼l̵̩͎̟̠̮̇̾͘ḑ̵̣͉͙̣̑ ̶̱̤̜̝͇̐̈̂̕b̴͕͈̮͉̠́͛̈̀͘ẹ̷͆̑͘.̷̛̲͐ ̶̱̰̩̠͗̏̽̚͘T̵̯̘̑h̶̯̗̰̞̋͛a̷̧̝̟̯͌̋̈̇t̸̛̟̺̠͝ ̷̞̫̗͔̼̙͑̇ẇ̸̙̍h̴͓̥̙͈̼̤̅̈͒̄͋ȉ̴̞͉̒̓̊c̴̡̢̝̠̟̞̓̉h̵̭̲̠̭̘̆́̓̍ ̶̨̜͕͚̪̲̚w̶̞̺̔̍̚a̸͕̔͠͠s̸̭̗̞̑̀̌ ̸̼͙͂̈͋̈́͜ȁ̶̩̮͖̠̲̒̔̈́̆͜l̴̢̟̞̄̒̍̕l̶̛̼͓̝̔͐͌̌͒ ̵̢̳̼͎́̅͝k̴̡̍͝͝n̵̡͈̝̯̾̍̑̏͝͝ô̸̹̣͇̜͊̂̉͘͠ẉ̵̧̐̽͗̈̄̌l̶̢͓̻͉̥͇̉̉̚e̴̹͍̼͈͊d̴͔͒̈́̎g̶̠͈̔̽͂̾̌e̴̖̼̎͐̈́̈́ ̷̨͍̘̻͒ͅa̸̫̰̻̖͓͊̑̄͝ͅn̷͉̐̍̓͂͋d̶̙̤̞͔̑̌̚͘ ̴̮̈́̓̾̈́ä̶̤́͒l̵̢͌́l̴̰̐̑̽̍ ̷̖̃͗̂̏͝l̶͉̰͎͕̈͗͒ḙ̷̙͖͑͆̌̚ä̸̡̢̱̫̟̮̐͊ŕ̷̰̈͋͝ņ̶̘̈́̽ḯ̵̧̲̠͒̐n̴̦̗̙̂̿g̸̨͍̤̝̜̙̈̈̂͊̇̒ ̸͙͍̰̥̥̌̊͒t̵̟̋̒͜h̷͉̰̆̉͠a̵͕͑̂ͅt̷̳̰͔̒̓͜͝͠ ̷̢͉̥̱̟̫̈́́c̶̛̞̭̲͇͂̍̈̍o̶͇̔̏͘̚u̴̠͖͍̯̙͆l̷͎̘̰̝̎̇͐̎͝d̵͖̺̤̂̈́̓ ̸̪̂̐e̶͖̰̳̤̋̍͆v̷̢͓̻̹̺̳̕ḙ̴͖̬̾r̶̘̮̭̄͗͗̈͠ ̶̡̙̱̐͘b̸͍̙͇̉̓͝ͅḛ̴͂̍.̶̧̛̗̯͓̜̤̎̑͑͝͝_

_̷͕͕̥̝͍͑́T̸̗̞̲̪͚̮̀h̵̢͔̜̿̋͋e̷̺̦̥̾ ̴̡̾̾͘b̵̨͕͉̍͠r̴̫̬͈̃ï̸̻d̶̹͑̃̿̋̓̕g̸͉̣̯͗̈́ȩ̶̘͇̳̝͝ ̷̞̳̉͂̓̒͝͠o̴̦̮̗̱͕͈̎̉̕f̸̧̠̈̎͊̂͗ ̸͔̠͇̹̽͘͝r̴̖͉̙̺̅̓̿͆͘͘ẹ̶̠̗́̿̿̈́ả̵͙̦͍̇͒ͅl̷̹̺͎̰͒͗i̶̝͋̽̐͝t̶̮̟̲̀͑̃̍̃͝ī̴͍̝͔͖̥́e̷̺̥̒͒̌̃s̷̠̭̋̉͋̐.̶̙̪͍͕͔̹͛̈́̏̑̊̕ ̶̞̣̳͌̔̄̍T̵͖̬̘̊͗͘͝h̸̦̪̣̘̬͑̒è̵̪̥̙̈͐̇̚ ̵̖͉̲̤͒̒͝f̵͉̯͇͍̥̂́ͅa̷̤͎̜̭̋̾͐b̸͉̥̙͛͐͜r̵̖̉͗͂͗i̶̹̫̿c̴͚̱͔̉͛̾̐͛̕ ̷̫͓̙͖̟̤̊̊̾͝ȫ̷͚͊f̶̞̻̮̔͐̈́̒͠ ̶̼̘͊t̴̳̲̬̳̪̠̑i̴̖̲̖͚͌̾̇͌͘m̵̹̦̻̙̼̑ͅe̴̠͒́̚.̴̫̥̤̜̎͑̓̅͘ ̴̢̢̧̠̺̘̓̌̄͌̍̀Ț̶̘̠͎̃̇ḫ̵̥̿͌̾̀̐a̶̱͓͑̽̐͘͠ͅt̶̛̫̯̞̟̺̆ ̸̢̣̓ẁ̴̢͝h̸̩͗̂̌͆͜ĭ̴̱̠͚̲̔͌ͅç̵͎̯̍͆̕̕͝ḫ̷̬͔̃ ̷̧̺͉̑ͅw̴̮̲͓͋͑̕͜a̵̱͔͓͋͆̊͆͜ͅṡ̸̫̞̹̯͂͗ ̸̨͖̬̲͂͒̂̍t̸̲̱̝̓̓̽́͛̕ḥ̵̖̎̇̇̽͜ë̷̡̱ ̸̠̥̪͉̝͒͗̄͜v̷̯͚͋͝ẹ̵̢̍͛̑͠r̶͕͓̣̣͙̰̐̌̋y̸͈̒ ̷͚̰͙͋̑͊̚͝b̷̜͚̺̤̅̂̐ę̷̡̮̫̈͐͜͜i̷͇͂̌̚̚͝ṋ̷̻̅͐g̷͖͉̰͓͊̈́̀ ̵̭͊́o̷̧̡̼̪͕̕f̶͙̠̯̓̒̃ͅ ̸̛̫͒̐̓̚â̴̛̼̫̍͝ͅl̵̢̗͗̑̽́̑̏l̵̨͌̿̒̈́ ̸̧̹̤̘͔͛̈̈́͜r̸̗̉̽̒̒e̷̮͈͘ä̷͕̞̙́͠ļ̵̰̊m̴̤̀̈́ş̷͕̹͇͔̉͊̾̓͜.̸͎̪̬̈́̈ ̴͕̼͕̝̳̄͒̃T̵̤͇̫̀̒̇̕̚h̵͎̘͛͛̈́̋̎ͅą̸̝̓͆ṱ̶̢͎̖̀͒̊͒̉͜ ̴̧̧͕͇͑̃̀͜w̷̟̖̟̥̄h̸̘͍̬͑̍̅͘i̵̪͐̋̇͜ͅc̷̙̩̓͂̓ẖ̵̟̍͠ ̴̢͕̩̥͒̐̎̏͜͠͝r̵̰̃́̓ȃ̵̧̞͇̽͂͌̐n̵͈̣̩̈ ̷̛͔̱̼̉͐̍t̴̟̓͂̎̃̑̽h̵͙̖̭̟̿r̸̮̜͈̼̓̍̉͒̑̓ö̸̡͇̜͇͔͑̎͐̽͘u̷̜̻̾̈ͅģ̴̻͇̗̱̐̅̉̒̚͜h̷̖̘̣̓ ̶̝͓̀͜ä̵̠̗̤̱͝ň̷̜͚̍̽̃ͅd̵̖̃͊̽̌ ̵͕̞̠̦̤̏ą̶̛̣͔͓̓̄̊̈́͘ͅr̵̪̼̤̔̍͋̈́͐͘ǒ̸̜̂̎̚ŭ̴̩̺̲̰̂͗̏n̴̯̝̖̗̟͗͛̂d̴͙̗͐̾̔̐̋ ̵͙̙̞͚͆̌̂͊̿͘a̵̧͎̠̙͉͌̈̾̌̔͠l̷͎̜̳̓̂̇͘l̷̜̫͖̫̟͂̄̋̈̑͝ͅ ̸͖̞̦̄̈͋̓͜r̷̟̙̎͑̄̂e̴̥͇̥̯͓͋͘ȧ̶̛̼͚̆͒l̵̛̻̠̑̀̎i̸̫͍̘͈t̶͇̉̓͝͝ḯ̴͇̖̫͈̠͇̊è̵̬͍̫͑̽̉͌͝s̷̪̘͗̃͝ ̸̲̈́f̷̻̆o̵͉͎͕̿̒ŕ̴̖̹͈͚͎͑m̷̡̘̰̃̀͊̚͠i̶͕̘̋̌ň̷͎͇̐̆̅̒͘g̴̜͚͇̻͊̇͠ͅ ̵̤̥̻̑t̷̹̔͛ȟ̸̼͈̠e̶̻̓̆̑͆̓̓ ̵̞͈͙̅͗́̍̀̌͜ș̷̬͖̖̥̔͛̃̅̐̅ḩ̶̗͇͍͊̊̽ḁ̷̯̝̬̈́̾p̶̛͈͖̼̩̪͙̌͊̏e̴̦̿̔͠ ̵̧̫͖͍͒͂̔͛ͅo̸̖̙f̷̯̜̖̟̘̭̃͝ ̸̢̬̩͘ā̷̟̎̐l̶̖̤̼̟̐̚l̶̩̾͜͜ ̴̞̣̙̳̺̎͜ả̵̫̭̫̙̐̃́̑n̸͈̗̊̀d̶̤̖̹̪̘̔ ̴̗̪̣͊̋͑͂̉̈ņ̸͍̟͔̲̯̾̿͠͠o̶͕͉̤̔̅̿t̸̥̄̿̈́̊ḧ̷̪͍́̄̆͒͆̈́i̸̻͐͑̑̏̀n̵̯͋̒͆̚g̷͚̟̤̩͑̊ ̶̩̞͍͕̿a̶̤͚͓̿̒l̷͇̅̐̿ḯ̴̡̳̟̲̙̏̊͜k̴̰̥̬̲̲̒̀͘ẽ̸̼̟̱͓̊͑.̴̡̘͎̑̐̈́͘_

_̷̗͙̖̟̍̈́̎̄̚͠C̴̠̪͍͈̦̈́̃̓̽̌̽h̶̩͉̝̀͋̅͑i̴̗͒̿͊̾͌͛l̴̤̰̣̠̓͑͜ͅd̶͉̆͐ ̵͔̥̬͒̐̏̒̐̅o̴͉͍̦̍f̵͉͛̓̑̆̕͝ ̸̣̲͉̬͇͎͑͋-̴̤͓̞͙̐̚_

They hit the ground with a thud.

His head burned with a throbbing pain. There was no sight. Only darkness that was not darkness but instead was rainbows shot through with every colour they could name and more beside.

Their stomach lurched and his body claimed to heave but nothing came and it did not heave. His limbs shook with fever and fear but their entire being was still and silent.

They knew they were screaming.

He must be screaming.

Yet there was no sound or rather there was every sound that ever was.

Every thought, every idea, every memory, all of it flooded their mind.

There was no end and no beginning. There was no line between themself and all else. There was simply the universe in all its iterations and all its realities. Formless and yet having all forms. Endless and yet always ending. Forever and yet never beginning.

All that was and all that ever could be.

He merged, became one with it such that there was no way to tell where they had once ended and the rest of all-that-was-and-is-and-will-be began. He had always been a part of all-that-was-and-is-and-will-be.

Something-one-being grasped them-it-him-aer-hir-xem.

_Ȟ̴͙̣ȕ̴̢̫ş̸̺̝̾h̵͚̺̱̊ ̸͖̱͐ļ̸̠͙̆̃̿i̶̪͗̀͝t̶̽͜ẗ̷͓́l̷̙͗ë̵͖̪́̔ͅ ̶͖̃́̌ǒ̷͙͌n̸͕̗͆͒͌e̴̩̤̔͜.̵̻̇̎̂ ̴̖͒̓S̵͓̒̑͜ĉ̴̥̞͍͛r̴̠̯̭͝ẽ̷̪ä̴͙̬̜́̿m̵͇͎̠͝ḯ̴̡̹͛̈́n̶̗̰͖̿͐g̵̟͘ ̴̱̦͎̆͘w̶͇͕̄̽͝ï̷͍̹̙̑l̴̺͔̟͐l̵̢̘̻͊̇̎ ̵̯͎̲̇̚͝ơ̶͈͑n̸͚̂̍̚l̷̨̛̜̮͂̚y̶̦͖͕͝ ̶̛̰̕m̶̧̥̫̅̓ă̵͖k̶͔̾̀ͅe̵̠͐ ̸̈͒ͅi̷̞̔̕t̶̡͋͜ ̵̘̭͗̐̋w̸̢̓̅o̸̮̍ř̸̤͛s̵͉̅e̴̡̍.̷̗̹̿̎_

The darkness was proper darkness now.

Soothing in its obscurance of every sight now that he had been forced to see all-that-was-and-is-and-will-be.

Slowly their senses came back to them.

First was touch.

The static drew back from his mind until it resolved into a pair of cool hands cradling their head around ...his own hands?

The hard surface of the floor in his quarters was under them. Their clothing, damp with sweat, clung to his skin.

After a few moments, hearing returned as well.

“That was very stupid of you, you know that? Could have killed yourself before you had the chance to grow properly.”

Whatever - _who_ ever was speaking had an odd almost static-like quality to their voice.

“You may be a bit odd in having made it past your first century already but that doesn’t mean you can just go around knowing everything all at once right after you were mortal. You’re lucky I decided two new cousins on the mortal plane was interesting enough to help out. You might have popped yourself and wouldn’t have even got whatever it was you asked for after all.”

“Wasn’t exactly trying to.” His voice came out in a rough crack.

“Well what were you trying to do then?”

The hands let go of their head and hauled them upright, dragging him on to their bed.

Almost like an afterthought, the being added, “don’t answer that if you have to think about it.”

 _Mialma_ laughed softly.

“Is that the problem then? Pretty sure I was thinking.”

...He thought he just made a joke?

“Ah. That would do it. Give it some time before thinking so hard in the future -or past I suppose.”

“And how would I do so in the past?”

Whoever this was they were certainly amusing. Quite contradictory in their own statements.

...They didn’t think he would have found this so amusing even a week ago.

“Well you certainly aren’t mortal anymore. You are aware of that aren’t you?”

“Still a little confused on what mortal is since apparently it doesn’t just mean able to die since I apparently didn’t stop being mortal when I stopped dying.”

They opened their eyes as he realized the lack of sight had more to do with that than an inability to see. A hand was immediately placed over their face forcing him to close them again though.

“Ah. Not a great idea at the moment I’m afraid. Wouldn’t want to hurt you any further. You understand.”

“No actually I don’t. I don’t believe I know who you are either. Perhaps you could enlighten me.”

There was laughter for a few moments.

He frowned.

They had hoped to get some answers but instead all they were getting was mockery.

“Here,” the hand covering their eyes dropped. “You should be able to safely look now.”

They cautiously opened their eyes.

Looking around, his room looked normal as best as they could tell.

Of course, he’d learned that that didn’t always mean it actually looked normal.

He was sitting on the bed again, another ...person sitting beside him. They pulled their legs up and twisted so they were sitting cross-legged facing him. After surveying the room he followed suit.

Whoever they were, they were significantly shorter than them. He didn’t think they were even with their shoulder despite the both of them sitting.

Their skin was a dark tone, similar to his own though less warm. Dark braids far more elaborate than his own were gathered back to stay out of their face. Their eyes were the void of space.

They flinched back away from the being sitting across from them.

Static filled their ears again.

“Ah- my apologies. I had not realized that the eyes were so… difficult to get right.”

He opened their eyes again, blinking as they realized the being had somehow acquired a pair of dark coloured glasses which now rested on their face, obscuring their eyes from his view.

“Is this better?”

Their grin was unsettling.

Too many teeth. Probably. He _thought_ that was what was wrong at least.

As the thought formed in their mind he found themself doubting it though.

Was he _sure_ that was what was wrong?

Were they _sure_ it wasn’t something else?

He shook their head.

It didn’t matter.

“I don’t believe you’ve introduced yourself…”

The being laughed.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.”

It straightened the head _Mialma_ hadn’t noticed it cocking to the side.

“I am known by many names and wear them all with pleasure.”

He stared at the being. They didn’t know what the face they wore was, but he was certain that it usually got the answers they wanted without resorting to threats or violence.

“Well that is interesting. Never the matter. If you _must_ refer to me, then you may call me as Nyarl I suppose. That’s what Lyfrassir has taken to calling me at any rate.”

...okay then.

...that was interesting.

“Would you be Nyarlathotep then?”

He got another unsettling grin though this one was less so.

“Quite.”

Alright. He could work with this.

“You’re catching on faster than Lyfrassir did. This should be highly entertaining. I might have to suggest they pay you a visit, see what happens when the two of you are in the same vicinity.”

“And who might this, Lyfrassir be, Nyarl?”

“Why, Lyfrassir is Yog-Sothoth’s newest child, of course. And your new… hmm… what would they be to you? You know what, how about we just say they’re your cousin? That’s simple enough.”

Right…

“And would you be another of these new ...cousins then?”

Their voice came out dryer than he expected.

Nyarl clasped their? aer? -he should probably ask about that actually- hands together in front of them, leaning forward like they could rest against them.

...perhaps they could?

“I suppose that’s as good a way to explain our relation as any. Trying to point out the connections between elder and outer gods is… quite difficult to do while confined to this plane. We can discuss it once you stop needing to stay here.”

...stop needing to stay here?

What was Nyarl talking about?

“Okay…”

It probably wasn’t worth trying to get a straight answer out of them.

Nyarl cocked their head to their right, grinning again.

 _Mialma_ was quite certain that there were just as many teeth as before, but as with the previous grin it was less unsettling than the one before. Almost like he was getting used to it.

Their grin still left a feeling not unlike static scratching at the back of their mind though.

He should probably try to figure out a way to get their assistance.

Wait. He still needed to-

“I don’t believe I know what pronouns to use for you?”

“Any are fine. I don’t really fuck with the mortal concept of gender.”

...okay then.

Why did they instinctively want to agree?

Static began to fill their ears again.

_Nope._

_Not considering that apparently._

“Right.” He spoke slowly as they tried to gather his thoughts back together without starting the static up again.

“Your new parent didn’t give me a name or pronouns when xe asked if I would consider giving you a hand in...adjusting? Becoming? No. I think adjusting would be the best way to put it in mortal language.”

“Ah. That is a question.”

He got the impression that ae was raising an eyebrow at them though there was no motion on her face.

How exactly could they approach this without actually admitting that he had no fucking clue as to the answer to either of those questions really.

Well.

They knew his pronouns he thought?

He called themself he or they in their head. So that would probably be their pronouns.

Names were a bit more...difficult.

He _had_ been calling himself _Mialma_ , but since making the deal with their...parent they had been starting to question that.

Now the idea of telling Nyarl to call them _Mialma_ had him recoiling. They were certain that it was _right_ , but it was not something that Nyarl was allowed to call them.

“He/him or they/them are good. Um. In front of the Mistress I must be ‘Servant’ and ‘it’ though I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to me as either under any other circumstances.”

“Well that’s a bit of a problem, cousin. You still haven’t told me what you’d _prefer_ I call you though.”

They looked away, tracking the bleeding colours that were fighting with the void across their walls.

When he didn’t respond, ey faltered, “ah. Apologies that is…”

“It’s fine. Just don’t try to understand it, right?”

Nyarl laughed, “pretty much.”

He swallowed.

“I’ve been calling myself _Mialma_. I… don’t believe I would appreciate you calling me that though.”

They looked back at Nyarl to see a small smirk on his face.

“I’m afraid that you probably have a better chance of figuring out my name than I do at the moment, Nyarl.”

They hummed. “Are these not yours then?”

He held up a hand, a slightly corroded chain with three flat not quite disks hanging from it.

 _Mialma’s_ blood ran cold.

That was _theirs_.

He snatched it out of aer hand.

“Yes. That would be mine, thank you.”

They weren’t sure why his voice was so harsh or why Nyarl having it made them so angry.

He was absolutely certain that Nyarl had no right to touch it though.

It came from _his_ love and it was _all he had of him_.

...Oh.

That was.

That was new information.

Well. Not new exactly. They had already kind of suspected that the man he’d saved might somehow be one of his lost loves. He had been doubting that thought before now though.

...Was that a result of the deal they made?

“No need to be so upset. I was planning on giving them back...probably. They were lying on the floor next to you when I got here.”

They forced themself to stop glaring at Nyarl. Carefully he ran his fingers over the tags checking that they were unharmed. The raised marks felt the same as always, nothing seemed to have been done to them.

He still didn’t look back at their new... kuya? ate? ate felt less awkward for the time being at least, as he put it back on. It wasn’t the best decision they’d ever had, but he couldn’t risk dropping the ...necklace again.

“...Do you know what those are?”

He glared at Nyarl again before they could stop themself.

“Yes.”

She arched a brow without moving his face again.

They deflated.

“They’re mine. I- I got them from… someone I saved in a way. They were left after I saved him.”

“...Why am I telling you this? I don’t know you. For all I know you could be a spy from the Mistress.”

Nyarl smiled.

“And there it is.”

Static began building in his ears again.

“Do refrain from answering if it takes too much thought, but do you think I’m a spy from the princess who overreaches? Or do you think I’m the closest thing you have to an ally?”

The answer fell from their lips without him even thinking the words.

“I think you’re an ally. A teacher of sorts, though there’s much that you cannot teach. A friend of sorts, as much as you can be a friend to someone who has spent nearly three millennia as a mortal.”

The static was loud enough to drown out everything else and beginning to overtake their vision again as he spoke.

As he drew silent again it fell away, leaving him in silence. The weight of Nyarl’s eyes were heavy on him.

They blinked for a moment, reaching up and clutching at the dog tags that hung around their neck.

“What you’re clutching are called dog tags generally. They’re used to identify soldiers’ bodies in combat. If you’re so certain they belong to you, I’d wager that one of them has your name on it.”

“...I’d assume the others hold the names of people important to you.”

“You’re right that there’s much I cannot teach you… and if you’re able to Know such things with such certainty then there are things you need to learn soon that I cannot teach you easily. I will speak with Lyfrassir and see if they are amenable to helping a new cousin not get himself killed. They would be better suited to helping you learn not to Know too much and lose yourself.

“You should rest- ah. Sleep. Sleep would be more accurate. I can… create an illusion? I believe that would be the easiest for you to understand. So that you remain undisturbed until I return.”

“...the Mistress would know though.”

“She may. Or I could create an illusion that makes it appear as though you’ve been… consumed shall we say.”

“I won’t leave without seeing her dead.”

“I’m not asking you to. Or suggesting it. I can make it so that she assumes you lost to her entirely as payment for her powers though. It would...ease my own mind if you would agree to this.”

Static was beginning to buzz in his ears again as they stared Nyarl down.

Before he had known things they had no way of knowing by not avoiding it when it tried to overcome him. It had faded when he finished knowing what he needed to know.

This was so stupid.

Did he believe Nyarl?

Did they trust that Nyarl wanted this for aer own piece of mind and not for some sort of manipulation?

The static grew until it was all they could hear though they could see Nyarl starting to look worried and trying to speak to them.

It began to creep into his vision as she reached out and grabbed his shoulders.

Nyarl was terrified.

Ae didn’t want to be alone again. They had been alone for so long. None of her kin were close enough to the mortal plane to think and interact as he did.

Lyfrassir was still so very mortal and seemed to hate them often. They hated themself in so many ways. They didn’t find joy in anything they trusted they could enjoy. They were afraid they were going to become a doorway for despair and destruction like that which Yog-Sothoth had brought when it consumed their world.

Nyarlathotop was terrified that if xe couldn’t find a way to prove to them that they could be their own person apart from their parent they were going to find a way to remove themself from the mortal plane.

She desperately hoped that their new _amicus_ would prove to be a grounding point for Lyfrassir.

Ae desperately wanted to be friends with zir new _amico_ if only to ensure they weren’t alone again if Lyfrassir killed themself.

 _Mialma’s_ vision had turned to every colour as the static overtook him entirely.

Nyarlathotep was shouting, forgetting to call with hir own voice instead of the mortal one they’d copied from Lyfrassir. Ae was trying to get him to come back, to let go before they were consumed by the all-that-was-and-is-and-will-be.

_No._

_Nyarl_ was shouting at them. _Nyarl_ was forgetting to use her own voice instead of the one he’d copied from _Lyf_.

He needed to stop Knowing.

They needed to stop reaching out and into all-that-was-and-is-and-will-be.

No more Knowing. No more thinking.

He had what they needed.

They could just barely feel Nyarl’s hands gripping their shoulders.

He brought their own arms up to grasp Nyarl’s arms. They could still feel aer.

They pulled her into him, wrapping his arms tight around their _ate_. They still couldn’t hear themself over the static in his ears, but he tried to whisper reassurances to xem.

“I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to have time to get to know me. I’m going to help convince Lyf that they’re not going to destroy the universe.”

Slowly, slowly the static began to die down around him.

* * *

When the static finally faded away entirely, Nyarl was pressing close to him shaking slightly.

Ae was clutching at them like they were going to disappear.

There was a vague sense of familiarity to position…

It didn’t matter.

Nyarl was _his_ now. He was going to make sure she was taken care of as best they could.

“You can set your illusion. I trust you.”

The noise he let out in response to _Mialma_ was more akin to the rushing of waves than something a human could make.

...He should probably make sure xe knew that.

“...I’m sorry for scaring you. That was stupid of me and didn’t actually serve much purpose.”

Nyarl pressed aer face into their chest.

“You’re an idiot and I hate that I’m already attached.”

He couldn’t resist laughing.

“You’re attached to the idea of me, _koya._ We’ll have time to get to know each other though. I’m not gonna let you be alone again.”

Nyarl’s body seemed to melt in a way as ey coiled tighter around him.

“We’ll help Lyfrassir too. They deserve to be able to recover from everything that happened without being afraid that Yog-Sothoth is going to use them as a doorway. We’ll help them learn to live again.”

“You’re a very strange person, _amice_. Most people would at the very least care more for their own plans than someone they only just met. Yet you simply decide that you’re going to take care of me like I’m the one who’s fragile.”

He didn’t know how to explain that they just wanted to make sure their ate was okay. That this extended to his kuya. That there was no concern that it might interfere with his own goals and if they gave it any thought, they would more than likely come to the conclusion that helping Nyarl and Lyf would be better for his goals anyways.

He blinked away the static that had begun buzzing in his ears.

...If it was going to keep doing this it could at least let him remember his name.

“You are fragile, _ate_. Maybe not in the same way as me, but that’s okay. ...Helps me trust you honestly. To know that there’s something you need me for besides entertainment.”

They got the impression that Nyarl was huffing at them, though the sound that he released was more akin to static.

“I’ll put illusions up before I leave and then hopefully be back in a day or two with Lyfrassir.”

Given the way Nyarl coiled more tightly around him as ve said that, they could only assume that ae wanted to spend more time soaking up the affection before doing so.

He could live that. If even half of the impression he got of how isolated Nyarl had been before Lyf was true - which they already knew it was - then ze deserved all the affection he could give her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nyarl agreed to be cool Nyarl instead of Lumley or Lovecraft's shitty version! Yay!
> 
> Translations, thank you to the lovely link_ink and Crow for these as well as helping fix my issue with English being a dumb-ass language:  
>  _Ȟ̴͙̣ȕ̴̢̫ş̸̺̝̾h̵͚̺̱̊ ̸͖̱͐ļ̸̠͙̆̃̿i̶̪͗̀͝t̶̽͜ẗ̷͓́l̷̙͗ë̵͖̪́̔ͅ ̶͖̃́̌ǒ̷͙͌n̸͕̗͆͒͌e̴̩̤̔͜.̵̻̇̎̂ ̴̖͒̓S̵͓̒̑͜ĉ̴̥̞͍͛r̴̠̯̭͝ẽ̷̪ä̴͙̬̜́̿m̵͇͎̠͝ḯ̴̡̹͛̈́n̶̗̰͖̿͐g̵̟͘ ̴̱̦͎̆͘w̶͇͕̄̽͝ï̷͍̹̙̑l̴̺͔̟͐l̵̢̘̻͊̇̎ ̵̯͎̲̇̚͝ơ̶͈͑n̸͚̂̍̚l̷̨̛̜̮͂̚y̶̦͖͕͝ ̶̛̰̕m̶̧̥̫̅̓ă̵͖k̶͔̾̀ͅe̵̠͐ ̸̈͒ͅi̷̞̔̕t̶̡͋͜ ̵̘̭͗̐̋w̸̢̓̅o̸̮̍ř̸̤͛s̵͉̅e̴̡̍.̷̗̹̿̎_ -> Hush little one. Screaming will only make it worse.  
>  _kuya, ate_ -> tagolog, used for older peers and cousins.  
>  _amicus, amico, amice_ -> latin, lit. friend, more intimate connotation than just 'friend', somewhere between friend and beloved
> 
> If I missed any content warnings/translations feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	16. How to Be Comforting (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marius is also a mess with relationship problems. Someone should probably explain to to Jonny that he has several significant others though.
> 
> There is actual discussion about relationships and how communication is important. ...yes, I'm also surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- panick attack  
> \- non-con touching (immediately corrected)  
> \- discussion of relationship issues  
> \- mention of murder of a major character

“Jonny. Jonny! Wait up.”

Jonny paused, turning back to watch as Marius rushed up to him with a sigh.

“What do you want, Marius?”

Jonny __tried__ not to snap at him. It wasn’t Marius’s fault that Ashes had wanted to spend some time with Tim and Tim had told him to go on ahead.

He didn’t need to help justify Ashes’s claim that Jonny had more to do than cuddle Tim though.

Even if Jonny __did__ , which he didn’t, then taking care of Tim was more important.

“Um. Are you busy?” Marius wasn’t looking at Jonny. Which. Marius was the one member of the crew who didn’t ever try to make him do eye contact, but he normally at least looked __at__ people when he talked to them.

Right now Marius was actually looking very firmly to the side of Jonny and flipping a ...scalpel? Jonny thought that was a scalpel at least, in his hands.

“...why?”

Was Marius okay?

That was a stupid question. Of course he wasn’t okay.

“Um. Well. I was going to go bug Ivy about the uh. The therapy thing we talked about and wanted to know if you’d come with me? -Not that you have to. I’m sure you have better things to do than tag along as I go bug Ivy about something that you probably don-”

Jonny just placed a hand over his mouth so he’d stop talking.

“Why do you want me to come with you?”

There.

That was simple. And his tone wasn’t mean.

He was just asking a question.

Because he needed to know why Marius wanted him to come with him to visit his girlfriend.

Well. Jonny assumed Ivy was still his girlfriend.

Whatever had happened that they’d had to bring Marius back from the Yggdrasil System in pieces and Jonny had spent 3 years repeatedly killing Marius so he’d stop trying to turn them around was bad enough that Marius hadn’t talked to anyone for nearly a year.

He supposed they could have broken up as a result of or during whatever had happened.

“Um. It’s just. Still really awkward with Ivy and I kinda don’t want to go alone? Like I said you don’t have to. Uh- I can probably find Brian and ask him or get the Toy Soldier to go with me or something. I know you’re probably busy and everything and making time to bab-”

“It’s fine.”

Marius’s mouth snapped shut. He glanced over to meet Jonny’s eyes for a moment before focusing on ….his shoulder? Yeah, it looked like he was watching Jonny’s shoulder.

“I’m not actually that busy. Just trying to give Ashes and Tim some space. I can come with you to visit Ivy.”

Marius shot him a grin, reaching out and grabbing his hand.

Even though he was fairly certain that he was expecting it on some level given that it was __Marius__ , Jonny still ended up flinching back slightly.

“Oh. uh. Sorry. Um. Right. We can just go ahead and head over to the library.”

Great.

Now Marius was upset again.

Jonny __knew__ that he was going to grab him. He didn’t need to freak out on him about it.

(Technically he didn’t know Marius was going to grab him, Marius didn’t always grab him when he agreed to things).

 _ _Yes.__ Because that was determined by Marius and not by how recently Jonny had murdered him.

Marius just wanted affection. It wasn’t his fault that he forgot Jonny didn’t like being touched without warning.

When Jonny had just killed him he was clingy if he wasn’t mad at Jonny. It wasn’t that he didn’t grab Jonny because he was scared of him.

Yeah sure.

It __wasn’t__.

Marius didn’t grab Jonny when he wasn’t too excited to remember not to or when he was mad at Jonny.

Marius was flipping the scalpel in his hands again. He was looking away from Jonny and chewing on his lip as well.

__Marius. Just. Wanted. Affection._ _

Jonny reached out and grabbed Marius’s right hand while the scalpel wasn’t liable to end up hitting either of them. He immediately started walking, pulling Marius with him.

“Come on.” His cheeks felt warm.

That was not a good sign.

“We might as well start heading to Ivy so you can get your answers.”

Marius stumbled before managing to catch up. He shifted the hold Jonny had on his hand to tangle their fingers together.

“Thank you,” he said shyly.

Jonny glanced over at him to see a small, pleased smile on his face.

...Yeah. He was definitely blushing.

“What’s the whole deal with you, Ivy, and Raph anyways? Thought y’all were pretty firm that y’all’re together come hell or high water.”

Marius didn’t answer for a minute, just rubbed his thumb against Jonny’s hand somewhat frantically.

“Do you. Do you know anything about what happened while we were waiting for the train in the Yggdrasil System? Like, beyond what went into the album I mean?”

“Not really?”

None of them had really shared.

He knew that they’d been in prison. He knew enough to know how he needed to make adjustments to ensure he didn’t cause problems because of it. He knew that something had happened that had Raph and Ivy resorting to bringing Marius back in pieces.

He knew that Marius had met someone and that he hadn’t been alright with leaving them.

He knew that he’d had to spend three years killing Marius every time he’d come to before he’d accepted that he couldn’t go back.

He didn’t know anything beyond that though.

“Um. You uh. You know that there was someone that I-”

And now Marius was crying.

Great.

Why couldn’t he do anything right?

“You wanted to bring the uh- What was their name? Inspector Lyf? With you when you left, right?”

“Y- yeah. I know they ...were a cop and all, but I really don’t think they had anything to do with that decision and I- I really liked them. ...probably would have just bailed for however long I got to keep them if they’d asked.”

Jonny winced.

Fuck. That… actually explained a lot of Marius’s behavior after they left the Yggdrasil System.

He’d fallen in love hadn’t he?

And then Raph and Ivy had forced him to leave them behind.

__Fuck._ _

No wonder he wanted someone to go with him to visit Ivy.

“I- I thought Raph and Ivy liked them too is the worst part. And instead they were all for just leaving Lyfrassir to die because of the stupid fucking Bifrost and when I tried to argue they just killed me and given that you look like you’re in shock I’m gue _ _ssing they didn’t even tell you what happened when they dumped me on you to just keep killing me until I stopped trying to go back for them and it’s stupid that I’m still upset with them over it because it’s not like I don’t still love them and I know that they love me, they wouldn’t have cared about making sure I didn’t get eaten by the Bifrost or whatever, but they didn’t even try to find a solution. Raph just snapped my neck and when I woke up we had already left and then Ivy shot me when I tried to make them go back for him and when I woke again you asked if I was going to go back to the Yggdrasil System and every time I said yes, you shot me again and I couldn’t- I couldn’t-”__

Marius’s voice had gotten progressively more and more frantic as he spoke.

By the time he cut himself off gasping and half-sobbing Jonny could barely understand what he was saying.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. __Fuck.__

Jonny definitely should have done something earlier. It’d seemed like Marius needed to get this out though so he’d just let him keep going and then he was crying and Jonny really didn’t know what to do.

How did he…?

The last time he had to deal with anything like this was when Nastya was newly mechanized and the only thing he’d been able to do to help was get her into the vents and distract the Doc so she wouldn’t go after Nastya.

He didn’t think that would help Marius.

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

This was. It was like a panic attack, right?

Jonny knew how to help Marius with those.

He just. He just need to be held...right?

This didn’t look like any panic attack Jonny’s ever had though.

No.

It. It didn’t matter.

Marius liked attention and being held so Jonny would try that.

...now he just had to figure out how to deal with the fact that he wasn’t breathing properly.

Fuck.

Okay. Okay.

Brian had had issues with a lot of his systems for a while after he was mechanized, including his breathing. Jonny had needed to sit him down and give him a guide to help. So he should start with that?

Okay. He could do that.

He just needs someplace to sit Marius down.

Ivy’s library was the closest room that Jonny had any clue what it contained. That probably wasn’t a great spot to take him though.

Okay. What was the next closest?

Captain’s quarters. Not happening.

Storage Bay 9. Not safe.

The medbay and then Marius’s own room. Both a five minute walk in the opposite direction.

...library it was.

“Aurora, could you ask Ivy to fuck off for a bit?”

He pressed up against Marius’s left side, opposite from where Jonny had been so he could wrap his right arm around Marius. Jonny could move Brian so Marius should be fairly easy, right?

 _ _Aaaand__ now Marius was clutching at him. Fuck.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

“Hey. Marius. It’s gonna be fine. Even if you actually manage to die from this you’ll just come back and we’ll deal with it then. We’re just going to head to Ivy’s library and sit down for a bit. Aurora will get her to leave us alone until you’re ready to talk to her again. Okay?”

Moving Marius while he was clinging to him was more difficult than he really wanted it to be.

Jonny didn’t even register that he’d started singing softly until Marius started humming along with him.

...fuck it. It seemed to be getting his breathing under control, at least.

> __Baby mine don't you cry_ _
> 
> __Baby mine dry your eyes_ _
> 
> __Rest your head close to my heart_ _
> 
> __Never to part baby of mine_ _

He ran through a few different lullabies. They were soothing enough that they should help calm him down.

...at least Jonny hoped they would.

* * *

Once they got to the library, getting Marius sat down was fairly simple. When Jonny guided him over to a chair, he pretty much collapsed into it immediately.

“I- I’m s-s-sorry. Don’t-on’t mean to b-be a prob-oblem.”

“Shut up. You need to fix your breathing.”

Jonny grabbed Marius’s hand and stuck it on his own chest, exaggerating his breathing for a moment.

Brian didn’t like being touched very much when he was struggling with managing his body. Marius was more touchy feely than Brian was in general though…

Fuck it. If Marius didn’t want it then he could move Jonny.

He climbed into Marius’s lap and wrapped his free arm around his neck.

“Wha-? Oh. I don-”

 _ _“Breathing__ , Marius. Just. Just follow me. In for a measure, and out for a measure. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.”

Marius seemed frozen for a moment before beginning to copy Jonny, if rather more erratically. The arm that Jonny wasn’t holding against his chest to feel the rise and fall of his breaths came up to wrap around his waist. He leaned forward to press close to Jonny.

They stayed like that for a while. Just breathing.

By the time Marius’s breathing had been stable long enough that Jonny trusted he wasn’t panicking anymore, he’d run through nearly an entire set in his head. More than an hour then probably.

When he let Marius move his hand, Jonny was somehow hauled closer as Marius buried his face in his shoulder.

Jonny hesitated, but began to card his fingers through his hair, careful to tease the snags out slowly. He may tend to forget how much coarser than his own hair Marius’s was, but he was pretty good at remembering that it was more liable to break if he wasn’t gentle.

After another moment or two, Marius mumbled a “thank you” into his neck.

“Shut up.”

He could feel Marius smiling. Which really didn’t help with how warm his cheeks felt.

After a bit Marius pulled back, his eyes trained on the floor. “Um. I don’t. If this is too personal you can just tell me to fuck off, but does it. Does it ever get better? I just. It’s been three __centuries__ and it still hurts just as much as it did when I found out that they were dead. That. That we’d left them to get eaten.”

Jonny blinked.

Why was Marius…?

Ah. Right.

Marius knew about Bertie now.

Or rather knew that Bertie was...important to him.

Which was pretty much the same thing to anyone else he guessed.

He sighed.

“No. Not really. Even fuck. I don’t even know how many millennia later, it. ...I still have days I’m legitimately convinced something must be wrong with my mechanism, it hurts so much. You just. Learn to ignore it better. Figure out how to live with it.”

The only way he could think to describe the noise Marius made as he buried his face in Jonny’s shoulder again, was a groan. Jonny didn’t bother trying to make sense of whatever he was saying, just kept petting his head as he grumbled.

“I’m gonna have to talk to them if I don’t want to spend the next few millennia fighting with Raph and Ivy, aren’t I?”

Jonny paused for a moment.

Marius made a noise of complaint, so he resumed his petting before speaking.

“Probably? If you don’t want to forgive them that’s your decision, but um. Maybe at least make sure they actually know how they fucked up.”

“...yeah.” Marius snorted. “No offense, but I really don’t want to turn into you and Tim. I’d rather fix my relationship with them before we collect a couple more Mechanisms.”

Jonny tugged his hair sharply in retaliation.

“You ...might have a point. I’m pretty sure ruining Tim’s life warranted more than a few centuries of murdering me though so it’s not like us being fucked up for so long is weird or anything.”

“...I’m pretty sure Tim would disagree with you about ruining hir life, but that’s a valid statement. It’s just. Hard to look at them a lot. And it’s stupid because I really miss them. And they actually knew Lyfrassir so I- I could talk to them about them only I can’t because if I try I just end up getting mad that Lyf’s dead instead of with us because they wouldn’t let me go get them.”

Marius was choked up by the time he finished speaking. Jonny could feel his tears slowly starting to soak into his shirt.

He squeezed Marius’s shoulder and kept petting his head in the hope that it’d somehow help.

“Um. Have you talked to them about why they killed you instead of helping you get Lyf? It doesn’t really sound like either of them and I know Ivy at least threatened to mutiny if we didn’t stay near the system keeping an eye out for survivors. Tim also won’t stop insisting ze did nothing but hurt me since Bertie died so pardon me for not believing everything ze say about hir feelings.”

“Not really. Tried once. Just started yelling at them and crying. Ended up in Brian’s room for a couple of days. Ivy really did that? She just said that we weren’t going to go get Lyf before Raph shot me. Why would she care about survivors?”

Jonny shrugged as best he could with Marius weighing down one shoulder. “Dunno. She just seemed to really care about it for some reason. Fig- er. Never mind. I’m pretty sure you stopped insisting you get to go back to the Yggdrasil System before Raph came out of her lab so I don’t think she was as okay with leaving them behind as she acted.”

“...thanks,” Marius whispered. He pressed a kiss against Jonny’s neck before continuing.

“For what it’s worth I don’t think Tim’s thought you ruined hir life for at least as long as I’ve known hir. With what ze said when we talked in your room, I’d guess ze thought you gave hir to- um. Gave hir to the doc. Ze seems pretty insistent that it’s not actually your fault that ze’re a Mechanism now and you mentioned that you told hir that you didn’t. That you only helped because TS told you the doc had hir and you didn’t want to leave hir alone. So um. It seems like ze didn’t know that and ze um. Fuck. I’m rambling aren’t I?”

“A little.”

“Sorry. Um. I- fuck. I’m shutting up now. Promise. Seriously.”

Jonny ended up giggling at Marius’s failed attempt at hushing himself. It at least seemed to please him though since he finally moved back out of Jonny’s shoulder.

Jonny rolled his eyes at the dopey grin Marius shot him. Still, Marius was having a day apparently.

Ah...fuck it.

Jonny could just be affectionate for once. Marius probably wouldn’t judge him.

Actually, come to think of it Marius would probably appreciate him being affectionate more often.

Jonny darted up to press a kiss to his lips.

Marius let out a small gasp as he did so. When Jonny settled back in his lap, he was grinning from ear to ear.

“What was that for?”

And apparently Jonny couldn’t get away with being affectionate even with Marius who was constantly demanding attention.

Damn it.

He grumbled, “well if you’re just gonna question me then I won’t do it.”

Marius whined.

Fuck.

That was probably more intelligible than he meant for it to be.

“I’m not trying to question you. I just. Um. Would a better question be what did I do to earn a kiss? I just wanna know how to get you to do that again.”

Oh.

That was. ...odd.

Well. It wasn’t that odd. It was _ _Marius__.

He would do something like question why Jonny was giving him attention so that he could get Jonny to give him attention later when he wanted him to.

It was still __weird__ though.

Jonny was fairly certain he was blushing as he answered.

“You seemed like you could use a kiss.”

“Oh.” Marius sounded disappointed. “I don’t supposed asking for another would get me one?”

Jonny rolled his eyes.

Marius was just so. Marius.

He pulled him down a bit so he could kiss him again.

Marius made a happy noise against his mouth before trying to tug him closer and kissing back enthusiastically.

Jonny went ahead and just enjoyed making out with __su matracacito__ for a few minutes before pulling back.

“While this is enjoyable, I did kinda ask Aurora to get Ivy out of the library for a bit so we should probably at least let her know she won’t be causing a problem by coming back.”

Marius whined. “Can’t we just ask Aurora?”

Jonny had to laugh.

It was nice.

Even with how focused on him since ze got back Tim had been Jonny still wasn’t used to being anyone’s first choice of companion. He knew the others only really sought him out when they wanted a fight.

He didn’t care what Ashes or Ivy said. He hadn’t been Tim’s favourite or preferred choice of company or whatever else they claimed he was.

“Or we could go get her from her room ourselves.” He flashed Marius a lecherous grin as he made the suggestion.

Marius pulled a face before sighing.

“Fine. ...Am I at least allowed to complain that __you’re__ the one insisting I talk to our girlfriend?”

“Sure. Um.” Jonny knew his voice had gotten small but he couldn’t get himself to raise it. “I’m pretty sure Ivy’s just your girlfriend, not mine though.”

Marius stared at him for a moment, opening and closing his mouth.

“How… You know what? Let’s just ask her. If I have to talk to Ivy about relationship stuff then so do you. So there.”

Marius grinned at him and squeezed his hand so Jonny was fairly confident that he was joking. As soon as Jonny squeezed back, he started dragging him towards Ivy’s room ignoring all attempts at arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally everyone in this polycule needs to learn to fucking communicate. They might start with making sure everyone is on the same page as to their relationships.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	17. Emotional Conversations (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim has four conversations that end up getting a bit emotional. Two of which are long overdue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- panick attack  
> \- slightly implied/referenced physical contact beyond what the recipient would like there to be

Tim watched as Jonny walked out the medbay door.

Ze _knew_ it was fine. It would be fine.

Jonny had ducked out several times over the past few days already. Just because Tim didn’t have a promise of when he was going to be back this time didn’t mean ze needed to panick.

He would be fine. Ze would be fine.

Ashes was literally sitting less than three feet away from hir.

Ze’d see Jonny this evening when the crew piled back into the medbay to sleep at the latest.

It’d be fine.

“Tim? Are you alright?”

Ze turned to look at Ashes.

Their hand was outstretched and hovering over hir shoulder, the look on their face was ...ze thought it was concerned?

Why wouldn’t ze be? It’s not like Jonny was going to disappear and ze wouldn’t see him again for two hundred years.

_But what if he did?_

_Tim already knew he wasn’t okay. That it was kind of a miracle that he hadn’t found some way to functionally kill himself._

“Tim?”

Ze blinked.

Ashes had gotten closer and was definitely concerned.

Hir breathing was off somehow. Ze thought it was faster than it should be?

Was something wrong with hir?

“Tim, you don’t look like you’re okay. Can you say something for me?”

Tim tried to swallow.

“I- uh. I think I’m having a panick attack?”

Ashes’s eyes went wide. They looked a little panicked themself now.

“Okay. Let’s uh. Fuck. Uh… Panick attack. Right. We need-”

Jonny was the worst, but now that Jonny wasn’t pressed up against hir, Tim was having trouble believing that _any_ of the crew was actually going to come back to the medbay tonight.

...Ze really wished Jonny was still with hir so ze could hide in his shoulder until they could believe they weren’t going to lose anyone else forever again.

Actually. Ashes wasn’t that much taller than Jonny.

Maybe ze could hide in their shoulder for a bit.

“Can you hold me?”

Ashes blinked at hir for a moment.

“I- Yes? Sweetheart you just said you’re having a panic attack. Shouldn’t we-”

Tim didn’t bother waiting for them to finish. As soon as Ashes said yes, ze started crawling into their lap.

“Okay. I guess I’ll just hold you then. Will this help with the panick or…”

“Think so. Holding Jonny’s helped some.” As ze spoke ze went ahead and pressed hir face into the crock of Ashes’s neck.

“Okay… Should we maybe talk about this?”

Tim didn’t answer for a minute, just continued pressing hir face against Ashes’s neck. After a few moments of poignant silence, ze sighed and nodded.

“I really don’t want to...but yeah. We probably should.”

“Okay…” Ashes drew out the word, obviously waiting for Tim to decide where to start.

“I. ...I might be panicking a little whenever someone leaves. It hasn’t been too bad most of the time because I can just hide in Jonny’s shoulder for a bit. ...When he’s left it’s always been for just a moment or two and I knew how long he was going to be gone for.”

Ashes began rubbing hir back slowly.

“I don’t actually know when he’s going to be back this time though and I kinda gave myself a panick attack when I tried to reason that he’ll be back this evening at the latest but uh. I ended up just thinking about how not actually okay he was and then couldn’t stop worrying that he’s gonna kill himself.”

“That. is a bit of a problem. I can call Jonny back? If you’re not okay with him leaving yet, then we can just figure things out.”

“It’s fine. It’s not. It’s not Jonny specifically. I’m having an easier time with you holding me too. It hurts more to think of losing him, but he’s not the only one I’m worried about. Just. um. Can I maybe stay here until someone else gets back?”

“Alright. You can stay here as long as you need. I’ll just yell at Marius to come cuddle with you if it gets to be too much. Um. Aurora wants to know if her giving you updates on where Jonny is would help.”

“...Can I have updates on everyone?”

There was a pause as Aurora presumably typed out her answer.

“She says she can do that.”

“Yes, please.”

The lights flickered, then there was a pause.

“Okay. So as of right now, Aurora says Jonny and Marius are on their way to the library, Ivy’s in her room, Raph’s in her lab, Brian’s on the bridge, Nastya’s in the vents, TS is in the kitchen, and I’m with you. ...Does that help any?”

“And nobody’s hurt? Or- or liable to get hurt?

There was another pause while Aurora replied.

“No. ... How is that helpful? ... _No_. ...Ugh. Fine. Nobody’s hurt. Raph is doing an experiment that might injure her, but she’ll be fine by the time someone drags her out of the lab for sleep.”

Tim nodded and snuggled into Ashes.

Hir family was as safe as they could be. Ze could let it go for now.

Ze _would_ let it go for now.

Brian had agreed that none of them were okay though.

And Aurora had just told hir that everyone was safe. Ze didn’t need to worry about it. Ze was going to cuddle with Ashes and could talk to Brian about it when he came back to the medbay in a little while.

* * *

Tim had lost track of time a bit while cuddling with Ashes.

Ze was still having a bit of trouble keeping from worrying about if his family was going to come back or if somehow ze’d lose them. With Aurora’s periodic updates as they went about their days, it was easier to push away though.

Tim didn’t think her updates were any sign of the passage of time. She seemed to be giving Ashes updates to read hir every time someone moved.

She had apparently decided not to tell Tim that Brian was coming back though because ze didn’t realize he was there until his arms were wrapping around hir and lifting hir away from Ashes.

Ze was pulled into his lap and hugged tightly for a moment. Ashes stole one of hir hands back as he dropped a kiss to hir head.

Ze grumbled at the both of them.

Ze knew that Ashes wasn't a big fan of prolonged contact, but they could have just asked hir to get off of them instead of having Brian steal hir.

Even if ze was happy to cuddle into him instead now that he was _here_ where ze could _see_ that he was _safe_.

...Ze might not have been avoiding the worry as well as ze thought.

“How’re you doing,” Brian asked, his voice soft.

Tim shrugged.

Ze was doing about as well as ze could.

It’d be better if everyone would stay were ze could see them. Even if they tried converting one of the storage bays into a space, the crew would just start killing each other if they tried to stay packed that close together though.

Tim really didn’t think ze could handle anyone dying right now. Ze knew it wasn’t permanent. They were immortal, after all. Hir mind wouldn’t stop supplying images of hir family dying and leaving hir behind though.

Ze might snap if it got any more to use.

“Ze’re apparently having some issues with people leaving for more than a few minutes. Cuddling helps though.”

Okay that was true and Brian probably needed to know that, but Ashes didn’t have to call hir out.

Ze shot them a glare before tucking hir face into Brian’s chest.

“It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll learn to deal with it like normal and it’ll be fine.”

There was a long pause before Brian and Ashes both tried to speak at the same time. Their words overlapped too much for Tim to make out what either of them said. There was another brief pause before Brian spoke.

“Tim, it’s okay if you’re not okay. You _were_ in solitary barely more than a week ago. We can work around stuff if you need a little more attention from us.”

Ze groaned. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

It sucked, yes, and apparently they were going to have panick attacks over watching someone leave if they didn’t know for sure that they were going to be back. It wasn’t that much worse than normal though.

It may not be _good_ that Tim was panicking and running hirself in circles worrying because ze couldn’t see someone, but it’s not like freaking out when ze was left alone was new or anything. Alone was just. Less alone than it used to be.

“Or you can not have to worry about me just because I’m having a little more trouble dealing than normal. It’ll hurt some, but I just need to tough it out and I should be back to normal.”

There was another pause while ze waited for their partners to acknowledge their point.

“Tim…” Ashes spoke slowly, like they were still trying to come up with a reply. “What exactly do you mean by ‘a little more trouble’? I’m not really following how toughing it out is going to fix it.”

Ze was just worrying when someone was still with hir instead of only when ze was completely alone. It’s not like that was weird for hir. Why did Ashes think ze preferred to be with people so much?

“I need to be held? Normally I can just go find someone and I’m okay?”

“I- Tim…” Brian sounded hesitant. “Do you mean that you _normally_ panick when you’re left alone.”

...oh. They really hadn’t realized ze actually had a reason for spending so much time in common areas even when ze didn’t want to socialize.

“Yes?”

Ashes and Brian both groaned at that.

“It’s not like it hasn’t been a thing the entire time you’ve known me. Why is it such a big deal now?”

“Sweetheart, we didn’t realize that you were having panick attacks over being left alone. This would have been a big deal already if we’d known.”

“...oh.”

Brian’s hand found its way into hir hair and tugged lightly until ze looked up at him. As soon as ze did, he ducked down to press a soft kiss to hir lips.

“We should probably try to help you manage that. I’m sure you’d prefer to be able to spend some time alone since apparently you aren’t actually more social than Marius.”

Tim shrugged. “It’s not that big a deal. It’d be nice to not have to pick between being alone or being with someone, but it’s not like I can remember not having to. I just worry when I can’t see people. Normally just talking is enough to calm me down after someone leaves.”

“Be as that is, that’s still not optimal.”

Ze sighed. Ze went ahead and just grumbled in response as ze pressed back into Brian.

“Can we talk about someone else’s problems?”

That at least got a laugh. Ze could feel Brian’s chest vibrating as he hummed in response.

“Well who would you suggest we talk about then?” Ashes gave hir hand a brief squeeze as they spoke.

“Could talk about how we all fucking need therapy or something, because I’m definitely not the only one with problems.”

Ashes snorted at the same time that Brian squeezed Tim.

“Tim does have a point.” Brian’s statement sounded almost pointed as he laid his head on top of Tim’s.

Ashes groaned. “I acknowledge we have problems. I acknowledge that we’d probably all be committed if we could be. I don’t think anyone playing shrink is gonna help. We’re just crazy.”

Tim frowned. What was Ashes talking about?

Ze had said that they all had problems, not anything about them being crazy.

Which, okay. They _were_ crazy, but not significantly. Just a little bit and the whole immortal thing made that a little more questionable.

Most of their crazy wasn’t even a bad thing. It was shit like how Ashes was half in love with fire or Nastya basically lived in the vents. It wasn’t a _problem_ , it just made them interesting.

Honestly some of hir and Bertie’s friends in school would have been much worse if they’d been able to guarantee they’d survive anything.

“Ashes. We’ve been over this. Just because we need help doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It just means we need to find a better way to function.”

Whatever the noise Ashes made was it was clearly in disagreement.

Brian just sighed.

...apparently they had had this argument several times already. Tim didn’t know why ze was surprised.

Ze squeezed Ashes’s hand.

“Um. Fair warning, it’s been a while and I didn’t process half of it in the first place - also I might start crying - but I think you’ve got the wrong idea about what therapy is. It’s not the same thing as institutionalizing someone. It’s like. ...it’s like talking? Um. fuck.”

Brian had started rubbing hir back as soon as ze said that ze might start crying.

Ashes squeezed hir hand back before interrupting. “Sweetheart, if you might cry then don’t worry about it.”

Ze shook hir head. “No. I- I think I need to. Never really. ...I never really mourned Bertie. It’s gotten easier, but um. It’s not that I’m gonna cry so much as I don’t know how well I’m gonna react to really remembering him even if it’s happy memories.”

Ze shifted so ze could sit sideways in Brian’s lap facing Ashes.

“Bertie was studying psychology when the war started. Used to tell me about his classes while I worked on projects sometimes. Pretty sure if we didn’t set aside a date night every couple of weeks we’d have ended up doing that more often than not. ...It was nice. I was looking forward to figuring out how Jonny fit into those days.”

Tim swallowed the lump growing in hir throat.

“But um. I remember him going on this rant about how useless and pointless institutionalizing people was pretty much always. I don’t remember most of the details. I know he spent a good couple hours explaining how therapy is basically the same as telling your friends your problems but it’s someone whose advice is actually good a few times though. And um. I did try the whole therapy thing with someone while I was in prison and that’s kinda how it worked? Laiba and I just talked and they suggested some things that might help.”

There was a pause while Ashes mulled hir explanation over.

“...okay. I’ll admit that that’s a...very different scenario than I was imagining. I do still maintain that nobody playing shrink is going to help though.”

Tim couldn’t help giggling at that. From the way he was shaking, Brian couldn’t either.

Ashes gave them both a small smile, squeezing hir hand again.

“I suppose I can entertain your discussion if you want.”

Tim grinned.

Ze was so happy that Ashes was willing to at least try. The therapy had helped hir a lot and ze wanted hir family to be okay. If it could help _all_ of them, ze wanted them to do it so much.

_“Thank you.”_

Tim burst into giggles again at Brian’s audible relief.

Ashes rolled their eyes. “Okay. What’s your idea on how this therapy is gonna help us?”

Tim grinned. If Ashes was also willing to try then they could probably actually give this a shot. Ze just needed one more person on board and then they’d be able to convince the entire crew with a little bit of luck.

* * *

Eventually Ashes had needed to leave. Brian didn’t have anything other than wanting to make dinner though so Tim had been able to just cuddle with him.

It was kinda nice actually. Tim loved Jonny so much and was so happy that ze was getting a chance to make things right with him. He wasn’t the only one ze’d missed though.

Even if ze was content with just hir love, ze hadn’t ever actually spent extended time with just hir loves. Even when it had been just hir and Bertie in their flat, they’d never gone a week without someone visiting, whether it was a neighbor, friend, or family member.

Even if Jonny was one of the loves of hir life, ze did still have relationships with people beside him. ...given a bit of thought, it would probably do them both some good to reconnect with their other...partners.

Tim hadn’t ever actually discussed relationship labels or boundaries or anything of the sort with anyone other than Jonny and Bertie. ...Jonny and ze probably needed to discuss their relationship a lot further than they had for that matter.

Fuck.

Tim honestly didn’t know who ze could call hir partner besides Jonny.

...Ze could fix that with Brian at least.

Ze shifted so ze could look up at Brian more easily.

“Brian?”

There was a pause as he blinked. Smiling, he looked down at hir. “Yes?”

“Um. What are we? I...just realized I don’t actually know if it’s okay to call you my boyfriend and um.”

Brian blinked rapidly. He looked somewhat startled by the question.

“I… don’t believe I’ve ever really considered it. I suppose calling me your boyfriend would be fairly accurate.”

He tilted his head to the right as he spoke, his eyes flying up and unfocusing slightly. “I’m… unused to applying labels to my relationships. Generally just let them develop as they please.”

He blinked, refocusing on Tim. “Are you wanting to put a label on ours?”

“Kinda? Don’t really care about labels. Just wanna know what I can call you.”

“Generally Brian suffices. Or ‘insubordinate piece of brass’ if you’re Jonny.”

Tim snorted.

Brian was serious enough most of the time that it always startled hir a bit when he actually joked.

“...Is saying we’re partners okay? I don’t want to if you’d rather not but um. Like if I was talking about you and Jonny could I say my boyfriends?”

Brian hummed. “I don’t have a problem with that. It’s just. not something I’m used to. Is there something you’d like me to call you?”

Tim shrugged. “Bertie used to call me his datemate. When I’ve heard Jonny mention it he’s always called me his partner. Boyfriend’s fine sometimes.”

“I don’t think datemate is the most apt descriptor for us. Partner or boyfriend when you’re a boy sounds good though.”

Tim grinned up at him.

Brian gently squeezed hir hips before asking in a low voice, “is it alright if I kiss you? I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Kissing’s good. Don’t really think I’m liable to get overwhelmed anymore.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Somehow I doubt that considering that, again, you were in solitary less barely over a week ago.”

Tim didn’t get a chance to argue before Brian was kissing hir.

It was nice. Where kissing Jonny again after coming back to the Aurora had been a slow burning fire that promised to surround Tim with its warmth, kissing Brian again was the gentle lapping of waves offering peace.

Ze sighed into his mouth.

* * *

They didn’t kiss for very long. It had already been close enough to the crew’s not-really-designated-but-designated time for dinner that they needed to head to the kitchen if Brian wanted to cook.

Tim had ended up getting carried to the kitchen and sat on the table when ze had objected to getting out of Brian’s lap. Ze couldn’t really complain though. It was fun.

Nastya wandered into the kitchen a few minutes after Brian had started roasting vegetables for some sort of sauce. After getting swatted at for trying to steal some of the fowl Brian was cooking, she’d hopped up on the table with hir.

“Hey. How’re you doing?”

Tim shrugged.

“Pretty good. Apparently I don’t deal with people leaving the room very well, but cuddling seems to work fine for dealing with it.”

“That...does not sound optimal.”

“Not really. Nearly had a panic attack when Jonny left earlier. Ashes held me and it wasn’t a major problem, but…”

Nastya nodded. Instead of continuing the conversation, she turned back to watch Brian cook. Given that he was mixing spices by hand, she was probably hoping to manage to sneak some of the food before it was done.

Tim enjoyed the not really silence as Brian somehow managed to do about twenty things at once to prepare dinner for a few moments.

“Hey Nastya?”

She just hummed in response.

“Has Jonny talked to you about what happened when he was gone?”

She turned to him and arched her brow. “If he had then, why would I share that with you?”

Tim shook hir head. “I’m not wanting to know what he said. Just if he’s talked to you about it.”

“Why,” she asked, frowning at hir.

“Um. I know a little bit about it. I- I think it’s a safe bet that he _needs_ to talk to someone about it. And you’re the person he’s most likely to have talked to so.”

Nastya continued frowning at hir.

Tim sighed. “I just want him to be okay. Talking can - _does_ help with shit like that. So if he hasn’t talked to you about it I’m gonna suggest he talks to someone. Don’t wanna bring it up if he has though.”

“Ah. That is… perhaps understandable. He has not.”

“Thank you.”

Nastya nodded, but continued to stare at hir for a long moment before speaking again.

“You and Jonny have not had the most ...amicable of relationships since we have met.”

Fuck.

Nastya was going to tell hir to stay away from her brother, wasn't she?

“No...and it’s my fault. I should have asked him what happened instead of assuming he gave me to the Doc.”

Tim didn’t see Nastya’s reaction. Hir eyes were trained on the floor so ze didn’t have to watch as Nastya realized that ze’d spent millennia hurting her brother because ze couldn’t be bothered to even tell anyone ze thought he’d given hir over to Carmilla.

After a moment ze felt Nastya’s hand slip into hirs. Hir head shot up to look at her.

She briefly squeezed hir hand before letting go. “While that isn’t good, I am...glad to hear that you are not liable to change your mind about Jonny again. ...I do not believe he would be able to handle it.”

Tim swallowed the lump in hir throat.

Ze knew that ze had a lot to make for. That Nastya was all but saying she thought ze was able to, made hir want to cry.

Nastya got a slightly panicked look on her face. “Ah...Tim? What’s wrong?”

Tim blinked, hir vision blurring.

Oh. Ze was actually about to cry.

Ze laughed and scrubbed slightly at hir eyes. “I’m just still overly emotional about a lot of random things.”

“O-okay...”

Tim smiled at Nastya. “Thank you. I… I know I hurt Jonny a lot. Haven’t really thought I could possibly make up for it enough to be anything, but bad for him. It’s a bit of a relief to hear that I might be able to.”

“Ah. I do not believe you so much as have things to make up for as wounds to heal. If you are half as good with him as he makes you sound, then you will be good for him I think.”

Tim smiled at her through watery eyes. Ze reached over and squeezed Nastya’s hand. “Thank you.”

Nastya nodded back at hir looking somewhat awkward. She quickly turned back to watching Brian as he finished preparing dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent like a week arguing with Tim about how ze can't be autophobic. I lost. 
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	18. We're Together (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently Tim isn't the only one Jony's dating...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warning:  
> \- bad self-esteem/self-depreciation  
> \- implied/referenced death of a major character  
> \- implied/referenced emotional abuse
> 
> The first song Jonny's singing is _Over the Rainbow_ , y'all can look it up yourselves. The second is [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWQo1rLJyhE) song.

When they got to Ivy’s room, Marius rapped quickly on the door.

He didn’t let go of Jonny’s hand while they waited for Ivy to answer the door, just bounced lightly.

Jonny could see the anxiety thrumming under his skin. He was going to regret agreeing to come with Marius. He knew it.

It felt like it took forever for Ivy to throw open the door.

She looked slightly panicked herself when she did so, looking over both of them somewhat frantically before stepping into Marius’s space and stretching up to take his face in her hands.

“Are you okay?”

Marius seemed taken back by her actions.

“I- um.”

Goddamned it.

Jonny was gonna have to help them out wasn’t he?

“He’s fine. Wanted to talk to you about something.”

Ivy didn’t react right away, just kept staring up at Marius worriedly. Jonny could see her tucking her concern and fear away as she stepped back.

“Alright then. What would you like to talk with me about?”

“Can we come in?”

Ivy wasn’t as good at hiding her emotions as she thought she was. It was obvious that she was upset.

“Of course.” She stepped out of the way so they could come in.

Marius dragged Jonny with him as he headed straight for Ivy’s bed and flopped down on it, pulling Jonny down next to him.

“First off. Jonny says you’re not his girlfriend, Ivy. Which is obviously wrong so…”

Jonny could tell that Ivy was blinking at them. She probably hadn’t been expecting this.

“While there is a ninety-five percent chance that Jonny and I are dating, if he says we aren’t then that would mean we aren’t.”

Jonny blinked.

_Ninety-five…?_

How could there be percents involved? Jonny wasn’t Ivy’s. She just had to care about him because of the Doc. That wasn’t the same thing as dating.

“You regularly make a point of bringing me artifacts and books you come across. Similarly, I make a point to collect items I know you will appreciate even if I don’t wish to add them to my collection. We regularly spend time in each other's company, separately from the rest of the crew. We engage in sexual activities independent of outside influence or other’s participation regularly. As we have not actually defined our relationship at any point, it is possible we aren’t dating. However, given that we generally act as though we are, it is significantly more likely that we are. Hence ninety-five percent.”

Jonny just stared at her. “What?”

Ivy was dating Raphaella and Marius though? She just was nice and fucked him sometimes. The same thing that Marius and Raph and Ashes and Brian all did.

Tim was the only one who did anything with him without the bioprogramming demanding it and that was because he had somehow tricked hir into caring about him before ze was mechanized.

“The parameters under which we conduct our relationship bear a great deal of resemblance to common parameters which two members of a polycule who are dating will operate under. Unless one of us has an objection, it would be reasonable to consider us to be dating.”

Jonny heard the words she was saying. He understood the words she was saying. He couldn’t get them to make sense in relation to himself though.

Dating required that you actually care about someone. Ivy only cared about him because the bioprogramming made her.

“I would not be opposed to calling you my boyfriend if you wanted to call me your girlfriend.”

Jonny just- He couldn’t-

“You only care about me because of the Doc’s bioprogramming though!”

Distinctly he registered that his voice had gone shrill.

He could feel Marius and Ivy both staring at him in confusion and shock. Could see the horror on Ivy’s face as he said it.

Had she not realized?

“Jonny… how? Do you really think that?”

He blinked. “Yes?”

Wasn’t it obvious?

“Part of the whole point to the bioprogramming was so she could play house. Just because it didn’t work how she wanted doesn’t mean that she didn’t still use it to make us care about each other.”

“That can’t be true.” Marius sounded even more upset than Ivy. “Don’t you dare claim that none of us care about each other. That you actually do hate us. This- this is real. You don’t get to tell me that I don’t actually love Ivy or Raph or-”

 _“I’m not._ I know you love Ivy and Raph. Maybe the bioprogramming made you care about them enough to spend time with them, but you fell in love on your own. I- I do care for y’all beyond the bioprogramming. It’s just. I know none of y’all care about me beyond it. So. I don’t. It doesn’t make sense that we’re dating.”

Jonny was mumbling slightly by the time he finished speaking. Marius and Ivy were both frozen, staring at him in horror. He shrunk back slightly.

 _He didn’t mean to upset them!_ He thought they knew.

Carmilla’s whole deal with the bioprogramming initially had been to make him into the perfect son for her. It hadn’t worked and each attempt just fucked up his head more, but that was still the basis for the bioprogramming she’d used for the rest of the Mechanisms.

Why else would he not be the only one who was immediately protective of new Mechanisms? Even if they were all amazing people so it didn’t take long for him to really care about them, that didn’t mean that they learned to actually care about him.

Jonny knew he was a nuisance and a problem.

He wasn’t about to pretend he actually mattered enough for them to care about him without the bioprogramming.

“That doesn’t. That. No. Just no.” Ivy struggled to find words for whatever she wanted to say. After a moment she just sighed and walked over to him.

“I’m going to touch you, Jonny.”

She gave him a moment to process the words before she grabbed his face and kissed him.

Jonny tried not to, but he couldn’t resist kissing back. He was pretty sure he was half in love with her and he _liked_ being kissed.

Even if he logically knew that she was probably still in denial and going to regret this when she accepted that the bioprogramming included making her care about him, he wanted to kiss her.

After a few moments she finally pulled back.

“She made you help her in the lab often enough that you know exactly where she would have stashed the bioprogramming in my mind, correct?”

“I- yes?”

Ivy rattled off the complicated pathway that matched where she’d stuck it in Brian’s brain and equated to where it was in the rest of their minds.

“That’s where it should be.”

“Great. I deleted it several millennia ago.”

Jonny blinked. That… “What?”

“After Raphaella arrived I had her look over my mind and confirm that that was the location of the bioprogramming and I deleted it. So it can’t be a factor in my caring for you because my feelings for you didn’t change in any way with the removal of the bioprogramming.”

Jonny could only stare at her.

That didn’t make any sense.

Ivy had gotten a full view of how horrible he was for millennia. How could she possibly care about him without the bioprogramming?

He wasn’t a good person. He regularly destroyed artifacts and books and knowledge.

He annoyed her constantly.

He’d killed her more times than he could count and almost none of them had been in self-defense.

Ivy was kissing him again.

Jonny still couldn’t resist kissing back. She felt amazing, holding him in place and sliding her too soft lips against his.

“Jonny. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

He nodded before he could think about it.

Of course he wanted to be her boyfriend. Ivy was amazing and wonderful and he loved her so much.

He just didn’t deserve to be.

“Great.” She pecked him on the lips. “We’re dating then. I’m your girlfriend. I care about you and it doesn’t have anything to do with the Doc.”

He could only stare at her.

For once in his life, Jonny could only describe his thoughts as silence.

The music that always played behind his thoughts was closer to static than anything. It was barely audible as much as something that only existed in his head could audible. Even as he tried to scramble some sort of response together, half-formed words slipped through his fingers.

A hand tangled in his hair and turned it so he was facing Marius.

There were tears in his eyes and he gave Jonny a weak smile.

“Hey Jonny?”

“Yes?”

“I love you. Just as much as I love Raph and Ivy even if it’s exactly the same.”

Marius was kissing him before he could respond.

He didn’t give Jonny a chance to try and argue or object or in any way deny it. He just licked into Jonny’s mouth and began mapping it. Tilted Jonnys’s head to let him thrust his tongue deeper and press the fact that he was keeping Jonny firmly into his mind.

When he finally pulled back, Jonny could only blink at him, dazed as he was.

“We’re dating, okay? I call you my boyfriend all the time.”

“O-okay.”

None of this made any sense.

Jonny _knew_ he was obnoxious, and a _nuisance_ , and _useless,_ and a _freak_ , and _worthless_ , and so much more. He _knew_ that he didn’t have anything good to offer them.

No matter how much he tried to be good, he always failed. Even when people told him what they expected of him, he could never actually do it.

The crew was nice and told him sometimes. They weren’t _broken, useless_ , _waste of space_ though. They knew how to be good without being told so they didn’t need to lay out all the rules.

Jonny always ended up causing problems. Why would they care about him without being forced to?

He hadn’t even tried to be good in front of them!

Not. Not most of the time anyways. Not like he had when Bertie had asked him if he wanted to join them at dinner and was _nice_ to him even though he’d been hitting on his boyfriend in front of him.

How could Jonny have tricked them into caring about him?

He was being poked in the shoulder. He blinked and looked up at Ivy in question.

“Budge over so I can lay down.”

Jonny didn’t get much of a chance to move before Marius was tugging him along as he shifted so that there was room for Ivy to lay down on Jonny’s other side.

Despite having room, she still laid down mostly on top of Jonny. She threaded a hand into his hair and tangled her fingers with Marius’s.

The slight tug that came from her and Marius twisting strands of his hair into their joined grip was enough to make him let out a small gasp.

Both of them looked pleased when he did so.

Ivy gave Marius a pointed look. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that there’s something else you wanted to talk to me about.” As soon as she finished speaking she turned back down to Jonny and kissed him again.

After a moment Marius’s lips followed, trailing soft kisses down his neck. His other hand came to rest on Jonny’s hip. He put just enough weight on it that Jonny would have to consciously resist if he didn’t want to be held down.

Not that he had any objections to begin with.

Ivy’s free hand settled on his waist and began sweeping up and down. Her fingers skimmed across his ribs, pressing just firm enough that they didn’t tickle.

Not that he’d have minded if they did.

They stayed like that for a few moments. Jonny laying there, safe and held and maybe even _loved_ , as Ivy kissed him deeply and Marius teased his way down his neck. As soon as a whimper forced its way out of Jonny’s throat, they pulled back.

Before he could finish processing the whine he let out, Marius’s lips were on his and Ivy’s was on his collar.

Ivy was precise as always as she unbuttoned the top of his shirt and shoved it out of her way. Her lips felt like fire, branding him as hers as she dragged them across his skin.

They switched off again when Jonny moaned into Marius’s mouth. Ivy’s mouth on his and Marius’s teeth brushing against his jaw. Then Marius’s tongue pressing his down and Ivy’s lashing the juncture of his shoulder when he whined.

Over and over again, back and forth they went. Trading off who was kissing him, preventing him from arguing against their claims that they loved him. Every time he made a noise in response to them, they’d switch, until he was shaking and gasping into their mouths near constantly.

Then, they pulled back enough that they could whisper words about how much they cared about him in between kisses to his face, his neck, his shoulders, his lips.

Jonny couldn’t pull his thoughts together enough to do anything except let them. It didn’t make any _sense_.

Somehow though, they cared enough about him to want to call him theirs. That they might actually want to keep him. That they actually claimed to _love_ him.

* * *

Jonny was still shaking slightly, cradling between… between _his partners_ when he decided to make Marius talk to Ivy.

“Marius wanted to talk to you about y’all,” he mumbled into her neck.

She just hummed in response.

There were several long moments before Jonny could feel Marius starting to squirm behind him.

“Um. I’m gonna try not to get upset, but please just wait me out if I do.”

“...I can do that. What do you want to talk about, Marius?”

Marius mashed his face between Jonny’s shoulder blades, his arms around his waist briefly tightening.

“Um. So you remember how I wanted to ask Lyfrassir to come with us when we left the Yggdrasil System?”

“Yes.” a pause, “I...do not believe I truly regret preventing you from risking your own life on convincing them though I still find it difficult to not regret having not tried.”

“I just.” Marius choked as he tried to explain. He was shaking against Jonny’s back as he took several deep breaths. “I thought you liked them too.”

The tension Jonny could feel in Ivy’s frame betrayed her distress despite how good she was at keeping her face blank.

“Of course, I did. I wanted them to come with us, the risk just wasn’t worth it.”

 _“How?_ Raph could have mechanized them or, or we could have figured something else out. Even if they didn’t want to come with us, we could have at least gotten them out of there safely.”

Ivy seemed startled at that.

“I- Marius. If I thought we could have gotten them out safely I would have gone and gotten them myself. Le- letting them get themself out was the only way that their chances of survival exceeded forty-one percent. Our own dropped by thirty-five if they were with us.”

Ivy had tilted her head back so she was looking away from them both as she spoke. With how her voice had broken, Jonny was pretty sure she was fighting tears.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her neck.

“...How low was it if we went and got them?”

“I-if Lyfrassir had agreed to come with immediately and without hesitation, then he had a forty-one percent chance of surviving the destruction of their solar system by more than a year. If we had to forcibly remove them from danger his chance of survival dropped to seven percent.”

Marius choked on a sob. He was back to pressing his face into the back of Jonny’s neck. He just shook for a few moments before turning his head and asking through his tears, “why didn’t you just say their best chance of survival was if we were waiting for him when they made it out?”

“Because Raph killed you before I could and then you just panicked and didn’t listen when you came back so I just shot you and I...couldn’t deal with you - especially with Raph disappearing on me, so I just dumped your body on Jonny and made Brian help me look for Lyfrassir. ...Not that it did any good.”

Ivy’s hand came up to tangle in his hair, squeezing tight enough to make Jonny gasp.

“Sorry.”

“I’s fine. ...You okay?”

“...Not really. Fucking. hurts. still. ...And anytime I’ve tried talking about it with you, Marius, you’ve freaked out. Raph just disappears again anytime I bring them up, goes off and drowns herself in _Science_ like she doesn’t have any perfectly good partners who’re hurting too and maybe want to help her.”

Ivy’s voice was bitter by the time she finished ranting. It sounded like she was crying too.

Jonny made a soft shushing noise as he cautiously reached up and began petting at her hair.

There was a beat or two where everything was still, before Ivy suddenly moved. She shoved Jonny off of her just long enough to scoot down the bed and then pulled him back towards her so she could bury her face in his shoulder.

It took maybe another measure for her to start shaking with sobs.

Jonny froze only to feel Marius’s grip on him tighten. His face was still pressed against Jonny’s neck, hiding his tears.

Jonny tried to help. He doubted he was being helpful though.

All he could really do was hold them back or pet their hair.

...Well. He could sing. That had seemed to help Marius earlier at least.

> _Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high_
> 
> _There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby, I_
> 
> _Oh, somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue_
> 
> _Clouds high over the rainbow, makes all your dreams come true_

Even if both of... Both of his _novies_ were still crying, they didn’t object. Just pressed closer to him, clinging to him like he was something safe or comforting.

It didn’t make any sense.

Jonny wasn’t able to do anything right. Why would they consider him safe or comforting or or _anything_ good?

They’d already proven that they could care about him without the bioprogramming though. Maybe they. Maybe the fact that he was _trying_ was enough for them.

As if. If it was enough then. Then.

Then what? Then _she’d_ have been lying? Then _she’d_ have _wanted_ him to fail? To not be able to succeed? To be trapped, _worthless, useless, a freak?_

He already knew she lied. How many times had he nailed her to the counter and been forced to decide if it was worth calling her out or not?

She. _She_ wouldn’t have lied about this though.

Even if _she_ was a liar and took pleasure in torturing him, she still wanted him to be good. If he could be good she would have made him be good.

Would anyone have been good for her though? Good in her eyes was never objecting, never questioning, always just obeying, always somehow knowing what she wanted without being told. None of the others had ever been good for her either.

Maybe him trying was enough that they thought he could learn to be good for them.

Because they knew if they told him how to be good he would be.

That didn’t.

No.

Even. Even if that was true. That.

Jonny was _worthless, useless, a freak, broken, a waste of space._

 _She_ wasn’t the only one who told him so either!

So. So it must be true. Even if they thought they could teach him one day. They. they would have learned by now. That Jonny couldn’t learn to be good.

Ivy’s shoving at his shoulder shook him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Move.”

He tried his best to move off of her, though she ended up having to pinch Marius to get him to roll over off of Jonny. There was a still moment after they both sat up.

Ivy glanced away from him before mumbling, “you could keep singing. It was nice. Soothing.” She didn’t give him a chance to react before shoving him back into Marius’s arms and laying down on top of him.

All three of them shook with Marius’s laughter.

“Ow?” There was a slight slapping noise as Ivy threw her hand over Jonny towards Marius’s face.

“You deserved that.”

“Says you.” Marius sounded amused. Whatever response Ivy had was lost to the feel of his lips on Jonny’s neck again.

“She’s right, you know. Your voice is really nice to listen to. Be nice if you kept singing. Though I suppose we could _make_ you sing for us if you’d rather.” Marius slid a warm hand under Jonny’s shirt to splay across his stomach as he spoke.

“Ah... I- I can keep singing if you want.” He was fairly certain his heart would be racing if it could.

Ivy propped herself up a bit to meet his eyes. “Will you? You know songs I haven’t heard before. I enjoy listening to you.”

Apparently the offer to keep singing was enough to have Ivy outright asking him to.

“I- okay.”

Marius’s hand was sliding out from under his shirt now. He’d liked being held like that though.

“You uh. You don’t have to stop touching me though.”

Fuck.

Please don’t be mad at him.

Ivy flashed him a grin at the same time that he felt Marius pressing one against his neck. She shifted to drape more fully over him at the same time that Marius slid both of his hands under Jonny’s shirt to stroke up his ribs.

“Sing for us, _amourouz?”_ Marius’s lips brushed against his ear as he asked.

Jonny swallowed. “Okay.”

> _Me rompí, no lo vi, algo se rompió en mi y me duele_
> 
> _Recogí lo que quedó de mi, lo que quedó y lo lleve a muelle_
> 
> _Oh oh oh oh déjame dejarme atrás_
> 
> _Oh oh oh, oh si pudiera olvidar_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm not sorry. He's making progress.
> 
> Translations:  
>  _novies_ -> Spanish meaning significant others, adapted from _novio/a_ meaning boy/girlfriend using _e_ as a gender neutral gender class because that's the one I use so that's the one I'm gonna have Jonny use.  
>  _amourouz_ -> Breton meaning lover. If anyone knows a good source for Breton translations and wants to share that'd be great because while I refuse to back down on making Marius's mother tongue Breton, I do not speak it and attempts at finding translations has been an ordeal. (Or if you speak it and don't mind sharing a bunch of translations/localizations).
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	19. Expert Testimony (Mialma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyarl has approx. zero clue how humans work and it's adorable. Lyf is a bit of a mess and desperately needs friends. _Mialma_ is getting attached to these fools way too easily and still needs to make plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced anger management issues  
> \- non-graphic murder planning  
> \- implied/referenced death of a major character  
> \- implied/referenced suicidal behavior  
> \- general eldritch bullshit  
> \- mild dubcon touching, not really addressed in text though acknowledged as needing to be addressed  
> \- implied/referenced past experiences with racism  
> \- accidental triggering, mostly addressed in text

Nyarl had cuddled with _Mialma_ for a couple hours before she wove the illusion around his room and left to track down Lyf.

The Mistress had appeared a few hours after. She had looked enraged by whatever she saw.

 _Mialma_ hadn’t been able to resist watching, trying to figure out what she was seeing, what she was going to do now that her most prized pawn had been taken from her.

She _raged_ , shouted at the ceiling and walls and everywhere in general. A good half of her words were too garbled with anger to understand. She seemed to be yelling things to the effect of “it was mine, I’m the one who created it” and “no right to take it because I do not play your games.”

They could only pity those who would be forced to endure her wrath in the coming days.

Eventually, she had left though, and he had been alone again.

They didn’t really have anything they could do while he waited for Nyarl to return. Just wait.

Nyarl’s illusion included everything in his room and themself, so they still were able to go about their day. Well, he was able to go about his day the way they _wanted_ to at least.

He ended up spending most of their time going over plans and ideas for how he could eliminate the Mistress as a threat.

Plan after plan, idea after idea, and none of them worked.

If he shot her, she’d just smile. If he took a blade to her skin, she’d just laugh as the blade did nothing.

Killing her seemed nigh impossible. There was nothing that would cripple her enough to prevent her from going after his loves short of death either.

 _Mialma_ had a long road ahead of them.

It would take him at least a month to review every instance that she was injured or in any way put out of commission for a time. With any luck Nyarlathotep and Lyfrassir would be back by then.

* * *

 _Mialma_ jolted awake as a weight dropped onto him.

“What the-?

“Odin’s fathers, Nyarl! Was that necessary?!”

“No, but it was funny.”

They brought an arm up to curl around the body laying on top of him, preventing the person from getting shoved off as he sat up.

When they looked down at the person now sitting in their lap, they were met with a vision of almost the exact person Nyarl had been when he visited him before.

Like this, they barely even came up to his shoulder. Starlight stripes danced across their skin and the complicated braids they wore were streaked with rainbow. When they turned their head up to them, he could see that their eyes were swirls of vibrant colours, most of which he couldn’t name.

Absently, they noted that Nyarl had winded aer way around both of them so that vey was effectively cuddling them despite shaping herself similarly to a snake.

“I take it you’re Lyfrassir?”

They blinked up at him for a moment before nodding.

“I’m glad to have the opportunity to meet you, _kuya_.”

Lyfrassir startled at that. “I… It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, _frændi._ Nyarl seemed worried that you were going to get yourself killed before we arrived.”

He snorted. “Really, _kuya?_ Surely, I’m not that bad?”

“Yes, you are! I show up and you’re throwing yourself headfirst into the abyss and then you do it _again_ _on purpose after I tell you not to!!!”_

...Okay, not a good joke then. Apparently, Nyarl was still very distressed by _Mialma_ having come close to losing himself.

“In my defense you had already proven that you could pull me back.”

“That doesn’t-! No. Not allowed.” Ze headbutted his chin lightly before pooling aer form into the space between _Mialma_ and Lyfrassir. She shifted so that he was mostly human-looking though. Again, ey mostly copied Lyf’s appearance, though their skin was warmer now, closer to his own, and she still didn’t copy the stripes that decorated Lyfrassir’s skin.

As soon as hir form had solidified, ey was snuggling into their chest.

Surprisingly enough, Lyfrassir didn’t object to the apparent decision that they were all cuddling now. Instead they just curled around Nyarl lightly.

 _Mialma_ wrapped an arm tight around them both so he could safely shift to lean against the wall with them in his lap.

* * *

It was a while before any of them spoke again. If he had to, _Mialma_ would guess that both Lyfrassir and Nyarlathotep were basking in the companionship. If they were honest, so was he.

Eventually, Nyarl stirred enough to begin poking at Lyf, though.

“You said you’d help them learn.”

Lyf just groaned.

They had to laugh at the interaction. It was… nostalgic, he guessed?

It made their chest ache at any rate - mostly in a good way though.

Static rose in their ears and the thought came to their mind unbidden that Lyf was hiding a smile.

He blinked a couple times, letting the static fade out with the assurance that he knew what it wanted him to Know. It was getting easier as time wore on to just brush the static to the side.

Nyarl was clinging to them now.

They brought a hand up to pet hir head. “I’m alright, _ate.”_

“Except you could lose yourself entirely! And instead of being logical and stopping: You. Keep. Doing. It.”

Lyf giggled.

Ae turned to give them some sort of mix between a glare and a mournful look. “How is this funny?!?! They could _die_ and all because of- of-”

“They’re fine, Nyarlathotep. They’ve actually got a pretty good handle on it already.” Lyf seemed to be sizing him up. “How much have you been practicing?”

He hadn’t? The static just happened and then when he knew whatever it was happening for, they could push it back down.

“Not exactly. More been practicing not dying. It just… happens sometimes.”

“You’re figuring this out much quicker than I did. - Which is a good sign, just means I may not be able to help you like Nyarl wants.”

 _Mialma_ shrugged. It’s not like he was doing it intentionally. If they were entirely honest, they didn’t much care if Lyf or Nyarl could teach him anything. Both of their assistance or guidance would be nice, but he would work out how to eliminate the Mistress on their own if need be.

Though if they were with him, then he could help take care of them. They were both so worn down and hurting so much, Nyarlathotep from countless millennia alone and Lyfrassir from watching their entire world swallowed whole by the spaces between realities.

Nyarl was right in that there was a certain kinship that had to be acknowledged to being the only three beings that could witness such events without being consumed by them in the universe, regardless of what relations or the lack thereof they might be able to draw between themselves.

He would eliminate the Mistress in whatever manner he could find, ensuring that she could not be a threat to his loves, and he would do his best to find them, if it was in any way possible, but he would also do his best to keep Lyfrassir and Nyarlathotep close to him where he could take care of them. They both deserved to be able to feel like they belonged somewhere.

But those were plans for the future. For now, he needed to assuage Nyarl’s worry that they were liable to hurt themself in whatever ways possible.

“Would I be correct in thinking that if you don’t really have anything to teach me I’m at least as safe as you are in regards to accidentally throwing myself head first into the all-that-is-and-was-and-will-be?” He grinned down at both his _mga kuya_ as he spoke.

Lyf blinked at them for a moment. “Honestly, you’re probably considerably safer than I am if you have any clue what the fuck you’d be throwing yourself into.”

Nyarl just whined, pressing his face into _Mialma’s_ chest.

He had to laugh. Ae was adorable like this.

They leaned down to brush a kiss across Nyarl’s forehead and got a small gasp. When he pulled back, she was staring up at them, a look of awe and almost desperation on eir face.

Their heart broke for vem.

He knew that Nyarl had been alone until Lyf had lost his world, that Nyarl had never had an opportunity to receive casual affection like this. But _fuck_ if it didn’t hurt to see the evidence writ so plainly on hir face.

…It wouldn’t help if he called attention to it. He’d have to make sure to give xem as much affection as he could moving forward though.

“Why the difference from last time, _kuya?_ You’ve changed your hair and skin colour.”

“Now we match! Well. To human eyes we do, at least. I can’t make us _really_ match.”

… What?

Did Nyarl seriously think he and Lyfrassir looked alike?

“Nyarl...what do you mean we match?”

Lyf looked just as confused as they felt.

“We’re the same colours now. See?” Nyarl held up eir hand and picked up one of his and one of Lyf’s to set them next to each other. Despite the swathe of difference between his skin tone and Lyf’s, they did indeed match with Nyarl’s hand between them.

“Humans are mostly blind so it’s easy to make us look alike to them.” Nyarl sounded like they were trying to avoid talking to them like children.

 _Mialma_ blinked.

Nyarl… actually thought humans would say Lyfrassir and he looked alike, didn’t ze?

He burst into laughter at almost the same time that Lyf did.

Nyarl pouted at both of them.

After a few moments, he got control of themself and leaned down to cup Nyarl's face. " _Ate_ , humans can tell that Lyf and I look different."

Nyarl pulled a face at that.

“Well I’d hope they can. But they’re very blind so you match. And now I match with you.”

Lyf was shaking they were still laughing so hard.

“Tha-that’s not how-ow it works, _frændi.”_

“Well how does it work then,” Nyarl pouted.

“For starters, if you want us to match you’d need to copy more than just my features. Right now you look just like me, but with different colours. Stuff like the shape of our jaws, the way we’re built, humans can in fact still see stuff like that.”

“Oh.”

 _Mialma_ had to smile, or rather there was no way they could have stopped smiling even if they wanted to. Nyarl’s petulant tone at having not successfully made aerself match with Lyf and him was ridiculously endearing.

“You didn’t copy the stripes either,” he pointed out as he gently traced the streaks that had decorated his skin since a few days after he made their deal, then traced where a matching set would go on Nyarl’s hand.

There was a moment of silence.

“Do you mean the Blashko’s lines?”

Lyf was giving them a look somewhere between amusement and confusion.

“Yes? …yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m talking about. There’s… something I’m missing here isn’t there.”

Lyf nearly tipped themself over giggling at him.

Having to haul them upright and into his chest so they wouldn’t fall off the bed wasn’t anywhere near enough to prevent the rush of pleasure at having made him laugh again. If anything it just made them more pleased with themself for making someone who’s spent so long depressed that happy.

“Why are you wanting to match us anyways?”

Nyarl’s cheeks went a bright, fake cherry red. The sight was almost comical, though too adorable to truly be funny.

“Because then people will know we go together,” he mumbled, ducking xer head.

They pecked zir head. “You know there’s ways to do that without looking like us. Don’t even need to wear matching clothes.”

Nyarl’s brow furrowed enough that aer eyebrows were overlapping. _“How?_ Humans can’t see _anything.”_

That set Lyf off again just as he was starting to calm down enough to speak.

It had _Mialma_ laughing for a moment as well.

“We- they? can see the way you’re both sitting in my lap right now though. Physical contact isn’t something humans tend to like with strangers so if you’re touching me and relaxed then humans can tell we’re together.”

Their _ate’s_ face seemed to glitch for a moment, eyes becoming simple dots and eir mouth forming a perfect circle. The mere sight was static-inducing. It’d almost be a dropped-jawed expression if Nyarl’s jaw was actually slack.

It took long enough for Nyarl to drop the face for Lyf to stop laughing.

“He’s right you know,” they said softly. “Unless you’re wanting people to assume we’re siblings, then all you have to do to get mortals to recognize we’re together is let them see you being affectionate.”

Nyarl let out a noise that was almost like a happy squeal though _Mialma_ could tell the tone was far outside the range of human vocal cords. Ze dropped the human appearance to wrap around both himself and Lyf, tangling them together.

An odd sensation similar to how he’d heard? his...parent, they supposed, in the spaces between realities washed over him. The giddy affection wasn’t coming from him, they weren’t sure where, or perhaps it would be better to say _who_ it was coming from.

…That could be a concern for another day. Right now, his _mga kuya_ needed all the affection he could give them and he needed to make plans to ensure his loves remained safe. He’d worry about anything else when he had to.

There were several moments of silence, the three of them intertwined in a way that they distantly registered should have been anatomically impossible. The unplaced emotions ebbed and swelled in turn, coiled around them just as much as they curled around one another.

Eventually, _Mialma_ began to get the sense that Lyfrassir had a question… or perhaps _questions_ was better.

“You can ask.” They tugged lightly at Lyf’s braids as they spoke.

Lyf’s grip on them tightened with a gasp.

He froze. “Um… Is that something I shouldn’t be doing?”

Lyf’s face darkened before it was buried in their chest.

Nyarl’s laughter actually sounded like bells as it flowed vir form mostly into a body, staying pressed tight against Lyf so that he was held fast between them. Ae nuzzled at their neck while tugging his braids again.

Lyf squirmed slightly as she did so. When per didn’t let up they whined, _“Nyaaarl, cut it out!”_

“Why? You like it.”

Lyf didn’t respond, instead letting out another high whine as he continued to squirm in _Mialama_ and Nyarl’s combined hold.

There was something about this picture that was wrong. His chest ached as he gave Lyf somewhere to hide from Nyarl’s teasing even as he held them in place so he couldn’t escape.

They both looked gorgeous like this. Lyf’s inability to look either of them in the eyes when he was being teased was adorable. He had to grin at Nyarl’s inability to adhere to a human form when not focusing on it resulting in small, heart symbols floating in hir eyes.

Lyf seemed like they were starting to get uncomfortable with the teasing though.

Actually, Lyf seemed more embarrassed than uncomfortable, but it seemed they were expecting him to become uncomfortable.

…Oh. Shit. He should probably make sure they knew he wasn’t uncomfortable with this at least...and probably do something to address the fact that Nyarl probably didn’t realize why Lyf wasn’t fine with just having their hair pulled.

It wasn’t too difficult to steal Nyarl’s hand so that fae couldn’t keep pulling at Lyf’s hair. If he whimpered slightly when they detangled Nyarl’s fingers from his hair then _Mialma_ wouldn’t say anything.

“If you’re wanting Lyf to help you teach me, I don’t think distracting them is going to help.”

Nyarl still pouted at him though ze didn’t try taking zir hand back or tugging at Lyf’s hair again.

There were a couple beats while they just stroked a thumb over Lyf’s neck and Nyarl’s thumb and back again.

“You uh,” Lyf stammered slightly, still flushed. “You can move your hands.”

They still seemed just embarrassed. There was a slight tension to his shoulders as though they were worried about the coming reaction.

He was fairly certain that Lyf was just worried about him realizing that they were aroused and freaking out. Their discomfort was clearly connected to him even as they were clinging slightly and didn’t seem to be uncomfortable due to him.

 _Mialma_ hummed. “Are you asking us to?” As they continued, they shifted their thigh to press lightly between Lyf’s legs so that he could grind down easily if they chose to. “I don’t see any reason to if you’re fine with where they are.”

There was a sharp inhale as they shifted against his thigh, pressure increasing just for a moment as Lyf processed their… offer.

“It’s f-fine. Just wanted to make sure you realized.”

The slight sense of something being off prickled against the back of his neck again. They were pretty sure he’d been expecting Lyf to take the offer and get themself off with his and Nyarl’s hands on him. The way they fit…

Ah. That would explain the déjà vu.

He’d done this with his loves hadn’t he? Gotten his _mlodyn bach_ caught between himself and his _gwningen bach_ and teased him until he was shuddering in their arms.

…Neither of those names felt off, but they were certainly strange. Little flower and little bunny? They felt right. The man he’d saved was by no means a waif and the person who was his sun was no innocent. If anything they’d have expected himself to call the man they’d saved something in reference to how he always brightened their day. They would have expected to call the person who was their sun something about how ze reminded him to keep going least he find himself caught by inaction.

… Ah. His little rabbit who never stopped going, who was always anxious even as ze soothed his own worries. His little flower who wore a coat of thorns and danger to keep himself safe, but whose smile was enough to make _Mialma’s_ day. Both of them were his _mahal_ , his _enaid._ The thought of getting them home safe was all that had been keeping him going in those last few days before he died.

Someone squeezed his shoulder. “You okay?”

They blinked.

Right. He was with Lyfrassir and Nyarlathotep.

Nyarl looked scared. Lyf was worried about him.

“I.. yes. I think so. Just… caught in a memory of sorts.” He let go of Nyarl’s hand so he could wrap his arms tight around them both and hold them close, offering whatever reassurance he could to his _mga koya._

Nyarl’s form started to melt before ze seemed to think better of it.

“You- but. Um.” The noise ae let out as words failed hir made Nyarl’s frustration clear even if he couldn’t recognize it.

“I promise I’m okay, _kuya._ I just needed a moment to work through something I remembered.”

Nyral just groaned and curled tighter against Lyf’s back, aer hand moving to tug at _Mialma’s_ braids.

They hissed slightly at the pull, rage rushing through them for a moment before cooling as he registered that it was just Nyarl. His hand was already holding tight onto pers.

There was a pause.

“Am I not allowed to do that,” Nyarl asked in a small voice. He sounded apprehensive.

“It’s… I believe I may need a warning before you do. I… Give me a moment? I need to process what happened so I can explain.”

Lyf squeezed their shoulder. “Take all the time you need, _frændi.”_

Nyarl was still thrumming with anxiety though.

He could maybe fix that?

Their hand went into his braids and their own into hers. Gentle motions scratching lightly at aer head would help soothe Nyarl while he worked through how he’d reacted to zir pulling his braids.

They’d been angry. More than angry. He wanted to yell; they didn’t remember ever being the type to yell. (They didn’t really remember what type of person they were before they died though). There’d been another emotion under the rage though. Something… more tired? That didn’t feel quite right either but he couldn’t come with anything more apt.

He was just done with people grabbing his locs because they thought they had a right to. No one had a right to touch him without permission and that extended to his hair.

…Well that explained their reaction to Nyarl tugging on their braids, at least… even if it gave him several more questions about what type of life he had led before dying.

Nyarl’s face was fairly blissed out when _Mialma_ came back to themself. Its mouth was hanging slightly open, small pleased noises making their way out of pers throat. Her eyes were half-lidded, leaving him looking almost drunk. Unlike Lyf, ze didn’t seemed to be getting aroused from it though.

Was it a cultural thing or was the difference between pulling and massaging that drastic? They would have to ask Lyf about it if he wasn’t too embarrassed by his reaction.

“Nyarl?” He was well aware that he sounded amused. They honestly didn’t care, Nyarl looked adorable all blissed out like a cat receiving scritches.

Xe just hummed, blinking at him.

Lyf giggled, his body shaking enough for it to echo through Nyarl and themself slightly.

 _Mialma_ smiled. He was already far more attached to their _mga kuya_ than they reasonably should be for how long they’d known them. He couldn’t bring themself to worry about it though, not when he Knew that they both needed companionship besides each other.

Even with him being with them as well it wasn’t enough.

It’d be okay eventually, though. They just had to deal with the Mistress and then everything else would work itself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is theoretically the last chapter for _Mialma_ in TDT, sadly. I have two more chapters planned for TDT, one from Tim and Jonny each. Assuming that the end of their chapters is the scene I'm planning for it to be, then that will be the end of TDT. I'm not planning to end it here though so don't worry.  
> Current plan is to be posting some shorter pieces showing what happened between _We're Keeping You_ and TDT, as well as some insights into what the hell's going on with the rest of this motley crew while I work on building up some backlog for the next major installment. Updates and postings will be slowing down from TDT regardless due to regular session of classes starting back up for me and the increased demands on my time as a result.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	20. I Want This to Be Real (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny has more conversations about how the mechs feel about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- severe self-esteem issues/self-depreciation  
> \- references to Carmilla's A+ Parenting  
> \- implied/referenced manipulation of feelings

A shirt hit him in the face.

Jonny rolled his eyes before pulling it on, the collar slipping off his shoulder before he could adjust it. A soft “hey” was the only warning he got before Ashes caught him by the waist and pressed a brief kiss to his lips.

They didn’t go far when they pulled back, stayed right next to him with an arm wrapped loosely around him. He blinked up at them.

He got that he apparently needed to discuss his relationships with people since somehow people might actually like him? But this was slightly ridiculous. Ashes had literally shown up like five minutes ago and hadn’t had time to learn anything about what was going on. So there was  _ no _ reason for them to know that he didn’t think any of them cared about him and even if Marius and Ivy were somehow right about everyone liking him despite him being annoying, they wouldn’t have any reason to touch him when they didn’t need to.

It wasn’t like they were trying to fuck him either. They literally showed up to make sure that they came to dinner instead of disappearing on the rest of the crew.

“What was that for?”

Fuck.  _ Why _ was his mouth running away from him so much lately?

He knew that he was out of practice with how long he’d spent not  _ hiding _ but kinda hiding after he got back from the station. He would have thought he was still better at holding his tongue than he seemed to be though.

“Nothing really.” Ashes gave a small shrug. They didn’t let go of him either, instead shifting their hold so he was tucked into their side as they started directing him out of Ivy’s room, snagging Marius’s arm as they passed him. “Just realized I hadn’t kissed you in a while so I wanted to change that.”

Jonny blinked.

That was weird, but okay he guessed?

They squeezed his waist. “Tim didn’t handle you leaving as well as ze expected. Ended up cuddling for a while so ze had something to focus on other than hir brain trying to suggest that you weren’t coming back. Also, while I’m calling hir out, apparently ze’s been panicking anytime ze’s left alone for basically forever.”

Ashes sounded a little stressed.

That would explain why they were holding him still and had just kissed him as soon as he had clothes on. Ashes just got like this when they were stressed sometimes.

For whatever reason it was less painful for them to hold someone than when someone touched them, so even if they were having a bad day, they could just hold someone and get the comfort of having someone close without having to deal with the pain from being hugged or something.

Jonny didn’t quite understand why they didn’t just admit that they needed comfort. They were amazing so it’s not like anyone would be mad at them for asking for it.

He pressed himself closer into their side.

“Yeah? Ze’s never handled being alone well. Hir brain tries to convince hir of a lot of dumb shit if no one’s around to distract hir. Why did you think that ze always comes and finds someone even when ze’s pissed off at them?”

Ashes stopped walking.

They stared down at him for a long moment. He could feel Ivy and Marius staring at him as well.

“I- what? You knew that ze was panicking over being left alone? Why didn’t you say anything?”

He blinked. “I thought everyone knew? It’s not like ze ever did anything to hide it. Tim literally curled up with me while ze was actively murdering me because everyone else was off ship and ze didn’t want to be alone.”

“I believe we all assumed that the two of you worked out some of your issues and that was why anytime the two of you were the only ones on the ship we came back to find you curled up together in the commons. As ze stopped actively trying to kill not long after the first occurrence there was never any reason to think otherwise.”

Jonny jumped a little. He had been fairly certain that Ivy had been on the other side of Ashes with Marius not the same side as him.

Marius grabbed Jonny’s hand when Ashes let go of his, circling around them s that Jonny’s arm wasn’t in the way of theirs wrapping around him.

“I knew that Tim didn’t like being alone, I didn’t realize that ze was panicking when ze was though.”

Jonny could feel Ashes nod against his head.

“I was under the impression that Tim was just like Marius and preferred to be someplace there were other people.”

“No? Marius doesn’t even really prefer to be with other people. He just prefers to be able to demand attention immediately instead of having to find someone when he needs it.”

There were several moments of silence.

Fuck.

Jonny wasn’t supposed to say shit like that was he? And now Marius was going to hate him because he was trying not to let anyone realize that he needed attention even though it was stupid and didn’t make any sense because Marius was wonderful even if he was  _ a lot _ sometimes and everyone would want to make sure he got enough attention and if they  _ knew _ then they could make sure someone was available to give it to him.

“Marius…” Ivy and Ashes spoke almost in unison.

“What?” Marius actually sounded kinda confused. “Actually, no. Screw that. Jonny, are you okay?”

Yes?

Why wouldn’t Jonny be okay? He had just blurted out something that Marius was probably trying to hide and obviously Marius would hate him for it and-

Oh.

Jonny was panicking slightly wasn’t he?

“I’m sorry.”

His voice came out smaller than he intended it to. 

He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. 

On one hand, it might convince Marius that Jonny really hadn’t meant to be rude. On the other, it was manipulative and Marius might hate him more for it.

“Um. Jonny? You know I’m not upset, right?”

Jonny risked a glance at him. Marius was watching him with a furrowed brow and this worried look in his eyes.

...maybe Jonny really hadn’t fucked up?

“I- I pointed out something you were trying to keep secret though? ...didn’t I?”

Fuck.

Why did he keep asking questions? 

This was why he hadn’t wanted to see anybody since he got back from the station. He didn’t have the energy to rage at them and pretend he hated them so nobody would see how scared he was of their disapproval.

Not that he was scared.

He just. Didn’t want to deal with it was all.

“Not really? Um. I wouldn’t have phrased it quite like that, but you’re kind of right. I uh, didn’t actually realize that that was why I cared so much about being with people unless I’m in a really really good mood and trust it’ll last a while. Now that you mention it that’s definitely why I like being with people though. Even if I don’t need to be with people it’s easier to just stay where I can get attention when my head gets weird. Um. Thanks actually. For pointing it out, I mean. I’ll bet it’ll be a lot easier to deal with now.”

Jonny pulled back from Ashes slightly to stare at Marius.

He was watching Jonny carefully. His eyes were actually fixed on Jonny’s though he didn’t try to force the eye contact when Jonny broke it. His lips turned down in a slight frown, though the crinkles around his eyes were wrong for frowning.

Jonny thought he was telling the truth?

Marius lied a lot, but he probably wouldn’t lie about something like this. ...right?

He was usually very upfront about what was wrong or ran from the problem. So if he was talking to Jonny and telling him it was fine, that he actually appreciated Jonny pointing it out because he hadn’t realized, then it was fine and he did. That. That was logical.

“O-okay.”

Jonny’s voice was still small. He couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t speaking up.

Marius grinned at him. “Hey Jonny?”

He made a small noise of acknowledgement. Marius  _ probably  _ wasn’t trying to trick him or anything. He didn’t think Marius was actually about to hurt him.

No. no. He  _ knew _ Marius wasn’t trying to trick or planning to hurt him. Marius  _ loved _ him. He said so himself. And it wasn’t even because of his bioprogramming.

“You’re an amazing boyfriend and I really love you.” Marius didn’t give him time to react before he was kissing him.

Jonny shuddered.

Between the heavy weight of Ashes arms around him and the force that Marius was kissing him with, Jonny  _ really _ wanted to slip into that soft space where everything was kinda floaty and he didn’t have to worry about anything.

He needed to help take care of Tim though so he couldn’t. Even if he could help Tim like that, he needed directions and Tim needed him to be able to take care of hir.

He still couldn’t help whining when Marius pulled back.

By that time Ivy had also pressed up against his back. As soon as Marius pulled back, she tangled her fingers into his hair and used that to turn his head.

“He’s right. You’re really quite wonderful,  _ habibi.” _ She caught his lips before he could respond as well. 

She wasn’t as aggressive about it as Marius had been. Just kissed him slowly and sweetly for a moment before gently pulling back and letting him turn his head back.

He blinked up at Ashes, wondering what they were going to do.

He didn’t think he actually expected them to follow suit even if a not insignificant part of him wanted them to. They had just held him tightly while Marius and Ivy kissed him though. And he didn’t understand why.

They had that blank look they used when playing cards on their face. The same one they used when they were watching the other players and counting and analyzing everything to figure out when to fold and when to hold and how much they could get out of the table.

He didn’t have a damn clue what they were planning now though.

“Jonny.” They spoke slowly, like they weren’t quite sure what they wanted to ask yet. “Do you...want verbal confirmation when people care for you?”

“Doesn’t matter if he wants it, he needs it.”

Jonny frowned at Marius. “It’s not a big deal,” he mumbled as he tried to resist the urge to hide his face in Ashes’s shoulder. “They don’t gotta tell me shit. I don’t need to know what they think of me.”

“Jonny, given what you said earlier about Marius and I, there’s a ninety-three percent chance that you believe that Ashes only cares about you as far as the bioprogramming requires them to. As there is only a four percent chance that you’re correct, it would likely be beneficial for Ashes to affirm however they choose to define their feelings for you.”

There was a brief pause, where he could feel Ashes’s eyes on him before Ivy spoke again.

“Actually, there’s approximately a ninety-one percent chance that you would greatly benefit from the entire crew making a point to tell you that we love you more often and a ninety-nine percent change that you would benefit from being told exactly how each of us feels about you and how the bioprogramming may or may not affect that.”

Everything went dark and warm at the same time that there was a squeak.

Ashes’s arms tightened around him again, holding him close. It took another moment before he realized that he’d squeaked and buried his face in their neck without thinking. 

“J-Jonny?” Ashes kept their voice low enough he didn’t think anyone else would actually be able to hear them. The way their chest vibrated as they spoke was really nice though.

“Uh. Could you please confirm if you’re listening? I...I’m a little confused and would like to ask questions.”

He nodded slightly against their neck. It was hard, but he managed to keep from apologizing and begging them not to let him go.

“Okay. Um. What does Ivy mean that you think I only care about you as much as the bioprogramming makes me? Why would it affect how I feel about you?” There were a couple beats of silence before they added, “I can ask Ivy to explain if you’d rather. I want you to explain if you want though. Or I want you to get the chance? Fuck. um. I don’t want to ask Ivy to explain without your permission...yeah. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

_ Fuck _ . and now he’d upset Ashes enough that they were having trouble with words and he couldn’t even convince his stupid arms to let go of them even though he knew that if they were struggling with words they wouldn’t want him touching them.

A soft kiss brushed across his hairline.

He blinked.

Ashes’s arms were held tight around him so that he would have to put forth a lot of effort to escape. Their chest was vibrating against his and he could feel their breath against his ear.

“Jonny, I’m right here. Need you to come back to me. ‘M not mad at you, just confused. Wanna make sure you’re okay, been real worried about you lately. You’re so strong and it scares me sometimes that I wouldn’t be able to tell if you needed help unless you asked. You keep all of us going even though it seems like you’re the most exhausted sometimes, wanna be able to return the favour. Know I can’t always help that much ‘cause you like being held a lot. Wish there was more I could do to take care of you like you take care of all of us.”

They kept going until he shifted and gave a soft hum. He wasn’t going to think about what they said. 

He wasn’t.

None of it made any sense. Not unless they thought he was a good person and captain and actually wanted him in their life. Which obviously they didn’t because that would be absurd.

“Um. Jonny? Was it something I said that upset you? I...don’t want to make things worse, but I’d like to understand.”

Jonny shrugged. Bit his lip.

He needed to tell them  _ something _ at least.

Fuck. Fuck. They were probably going to hate them for manipulating them, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“I-” Getting the words out was hard. They kept getting lodged in his throat and he had to drag them out. “I didn’t mean to make talking hard. I’m sorry. I-I can let go so you don’t have to deal with me touching you.”

He was pretty sure he was shaking.

There was a long silence that only made him more afraid that Ashes was going to hate him.

“Jonny. I appreciate that you’re worried about my not having to hold you when it’s too much, but I swear I would have asked Marius or Ivy to take you if I couldn’t deal with it. I...am having a pretty good day as far as touch goes and would like to take advantage of it to be affectionate with you since I know you appreciate physical affection even if you’re really careful not to make me feel bad for not being able to give it to you. Does that make sense to you?

Sort of? He didn’t understand why Ashes would want to be affectionate with him let alone want to give him affection when they were actually able to deal with hugs and all. He would have thought they’d want to be affectionate with the others, who they actually loved.

He still just nodded in reply.

It didn’t matter if he was still confused. They weren’t trying to explain what he was confused about so they wouldn’t want to know about it.

They squeezed their arms around his waist.

“As far as talking goes, it’s not that it’s hard. I just. Um… I just had a couple conversations earlier and with how you reacted to Matius and Ivy saying they loved you, I’m starting to think I’m not as clear about what I say as I thought I was. I… want to make sure you all hear what I mean to say, so I’m gonna try and think about how I phrase things more.”

Oh. He guessed that made sense. They weren’t struggling, just worried about if he actually understood them.

“Okay.” His reply came out in a shaky whisper. He managed to get it out though.

There was a short cough as Marius cleared his throat.

Jonny pulled back from Ashes just long enough to meet his eyes and then pressed back into their neck.

“Um. I know people are probably gonna be annoyed at this suggestion, but we should probably have a conversation about where we all stand with each other. Cause um. I know Jonny thinks that the bioprogramming is the only reason most of us give a crap about him and I’m starting to get the impression I’m the only one who’s had any conversations about what type of relationship I have with anyone.”

There were several moments of awkward silence.

Jonny didn’t like that idea. He really didn’t want to have to listen as everyone confirmed that they didn’t actually want him around. 

Well, not everyone. Even if it didn’t make sense he knew Tim didn’t hate him anymore. And somehow Ivy and Marius had both come to the conclusion that they liked him.

If no one other Marius had ever talked about their relationships then they probably needed to do that though. Even if Jonny was pretty sure Brian and Ashes were okay with letting things progress however they pleased as long as everyone involved knew that monogamy was off the table, he also knew that Tim and Raph both really liked having labels for things. He was pretty sure that they were lying about only liking labels because it made it easier to talk about things though.

“That would likely be a good idea. All of our interpersonal relationships have been strained for the past two point nine one centuries. Statistically speaking, discussing a relationship will result in a marked improvement on that relationship, something which Marius, Jonny, and mine’s conversations earlier today did indicate to be correct even when applied to us.”

Jonny swallowed.

Ivy was probably right.

Well, it was Ivy so of course she was right. The only times he’d known her to be wrong were when she was trying to make predictions without algorithms and even then she was usually correct.

Talking about their relationships would probably improve everything for everyone else. It was selfish of him to want them to not so he could keep pretending they might actually love him in his weak moments.

He felt Ashes press a kiss to his shoulder and had to contain a whimper. He really really wanted to be able to just stop thinking and let them do whatever they wanted with him. He had to be able to help Tim though so he couldn’t. 

Besides, he knew that wasn’t what they wanted.

“Jonny.” Their voice was a low murmur that kept their chest vibrating soothingly against his own. “I...don’t know how the bioprogramming might affect my feelings for you, and I get that this probably isn’t a good time to talk about it, but I’d like to sometime soon. I-” 

They cut themself off and swallowed thickly. They took a deep breath before continuing.

“I like you a lot. I really don’t want this to be fake, to be something she made me feel an-and I don’t know what I’ll do if it is.”

They paused again, taking several shaky breaths. “You uh. You were my first real friend, you know? First person to ever offer to do something with me because you  _ wanted to _ , not because you were scared that if you didn’t I might hurt you. ...Pretty sure you were the first person to not be scared of me that wasn’t powerful enough to be sure I couldn’t actually hurt you. I- I don’t like the idea that the way you make me feel isn’t real. Um.”

Ashes choked slightly, their shoulders shaking and their breaths coming out almost wet sounding.

Were they okay?

He tried to pull away but they just tightened their arms around almost desperately. They leaned into him enough for him to feel that they were definitely shaking. When he pressed back against them instinctively, they buried their face in his hair.

Shit fucking  _ mierda. _

Ashes was  _ crying _ . And he  _ knew _ it was because of him.

He didn’t think Ashes had  _ ever _ cried in the time he’d known them.

Well, that wasn’t entirely correct. He knew of one time they’d cried. When they gone back to Port Malone the first time and-

“I- I didn’t really trust you at first. But you never acted like there was something wrong with that even though you’d nearly gotten yourself killed rescuing me only for me to die on you before you could get me back to the ship. And, and you just told me that whatever anger I had was fine as long as I put it someplace other than myself, that all that’d do is rot me up from the inside out and would hand me a gun or a knife or a match or whatever else you had on hand even though you knew full damn well that it was gonna end up being used to hurt you every single time you found me upset and pissed off.”

Of course he had. What else would he have done? Let them destroy themself with the grief and rage that they obviously hadn’t ever encountered before?

Not a chance.

“You were and still are an absolute shit, but I honestly don’t know that I’d like you half as much if you weren’t. Always makes me smile even if I’m pissed off at first. You go out of your way to make sure that no one ever tries to make me deal with shit I don’t want to and practically glow when you get to rip out some asshole’s throat for insulting me. You always look so happy to get to defend me even though you’re the first to point out that I’m perfectly capable of defending myself when my ability to, is called into question.”

They swallowed.

“That’s um. Fuck.” They cut themself off to mutter under their breath though he could still hear them. “You can do this O’reilly. It’s just a damn word.”

“That’s actually what made me realize that I...that I love you. And I really want this to be real. So um. Yeah. When it’s a good time I want to talk about it because I- I don’t want to believe this is really all her doing.”

Ashes was still shaking slightly as they trailed off.

They  _ loved _ him?

It felt like Jonny was living some kind of fever dream.

It. It sounded like they might actually somehow actually  _ love _ him though. Which didn’t make any sense. But they. They said that they didn’t like him at first. Not really. And they appreciated his stupid protective insticts even though they had him getting in the way when they were  _ always _ better equipped to deal with a problem.

They even said they  _ liked _ that he did that! That they  _ liked _ how annoying he was!

He really really  _ really _ did not understand how this was possible.

He doubted they were lying though. Ashes...didn’t do stuff like that.

Sure, they were no Brian and would certainly have no problem lying to him. They wouldn’t lie to him just to save his feelings though. Even if Marius and Ivy kinda asked them to. They didn’t get anything out of it.

_ “Te quiero también,” _ he whispered.

Saying it...was terrifying. He had barely even said it to Tim and Bertie and he was absolutely positive by now that they were his  _ media naranja _ .

It was oddly freeing in a way though.

“You.” He swallowed. He could do this. He  _ needed _ to ask this so he could tell Ashes how much of their feelings for him were because of the bioprogramming and how much were real.

“You care about me more now than when we first met?”

There was a pause just long enough that his heart started to sink.

“I...don’t think I’d really say that. The way I feel about you now is a lot different, but it’s not really a stronger feeling. I uh. I actually kinda hated you for the first hundred years or so. I wanted to die with Malone and you didn’t let me. Which- I know I wouldn’t have actually died with it, but I uh. I think I was actually already a little. Fuck. Why is this so hard to say? I’m pretty sure  _ te queria bem _ before I really processed that I wouldn’t have burned with everything else.”

His face felt hot.

He was  _ pretty  _ sure that they didn’t speak Spanish and he had no clue what  _ bem _ meant. But it sounded close enough to  _ bien _ that it almost sounded like they had said they loved him before they understood that he had saved them from pain not death.

“Oh.”

He literally told them that he loved them a moment ago.  _ Why _ was this so embarrassing.

“Um. You uh.  _ It’sprobablynotthebioprogrammingthenbecauseallshecouldeverfigureoutwashowtomakeuscareabouteachother.” _

His words came out in a rush, but he managed to at least say them. So there was that. Hopefully Ashes would be able to understand him and he wouldn’t have to repeat himself.

Their arms tightened around him.

“I couldn’t quite understand all of that. Are you...are you saying that as long as my feelings have changed the bioprogramming shouldn’t affect them?”

He nodded.

At least they’d got that part. The reasoning was easier to get out.

“She had this stupid fantasy that she was gonna make the perfect family. Didn’t work, but she never got rid of the part to make us care about each other and her. That’s why every time someone new got mechanized I’d get all protective even though I knew it wasn’t going to make any difference. She at least didn’t make the rest of you deal with that part of it.”

Ashes somehow managed to squeeze him despite how tightly they were already holding him.

“That’s fucked up. More than I thought she was capable of even. ...Do you...not actually like it when you get to protect us?”

Jonny shrugged.

“I...my memories from before she started working on the bioprogramming are kinda hazy so I don’t really know? I think I liked protecting people back then...that’s how she got me to play along with her at first, at least. Gave me a way to protect her even though we both knew that she was a lot more dangerous than I was. The um. The protectiveness always faded a bit after I got to know y’all. Before Raph and Marius showed up and triggered it all over again, I was starting to think it might have actually just been that I didn’t like the idea of someone else having to deal with her. ...It was a stupid idea though, even I was actually close enough to decent to care once, she fucked that up the first chance she got.”

Ashes let go of him and pushed him back slightly. He whined at the loss before he could stop himself. Instead of stepping away like he expected, they used the space to cup his face and turn it up towards theirs.

“You know.” Their thumb ran across his cheekbone. “You were actually the first to suggest that they might not be a threat. And your entire reasoning was that there was a strong possibility that she was involved in their mechanization and she wasn’t subtle enough to make spies so they were just as likely to be someone she considered a loose end as the rest of us.”

They did that thing where they forced him to meet their eyes for a too long moment and then looked away so he could.

“Could be that you really are that close to a decent person and she just made it so that it’s muddled by you wanting to take care of us as soon as you meet us.”

They quirked the corner of their mouth into a slight smile for him before stealing his words out of his mouth.

He  _ had _ been planning on explaining how that idea was wrong even though they should know all the things that were wrong with him already...kissing was a lot nicer though.

* * *

After several minutes, they pulled back and let him breath.

“We should probably catch up with Ivy and Marius. Everyone else is probably already in the kitchen for dinner.”

He blinked. “Okay.”

He glanced around them as Ashes pulled away so that only one of their arms was wrapped around him As they had said, Ivy and Marius appeared to have gone on ahead.

He must of made a questioning noise because Ashes glanced down at him while ushering him towards the kitchen. “Marius grabbed Ivy and they went on ahead when I started...getting emotional. As much as he’s a bit much sometimes, you have to admit that he’s pretty good at reading a room.”

Jonny laughed.

Yeah. That was their Marius. An absolute fool in most ways that counted, but very good at telling when someone needed there to be less (or more) people around.

It didn’t take long for them to catch up to the couple.

Apparently they’d just taken a couple of turns so they were out of earshot.

When Ashes and Jonny rounded the corner, they were leaning up against the wall talking about...something. Marius noticed them and straightened up, nudging Ivy out of his arms.

“You two doing alright?”

“We’re  _ fine _ , Marius. The privacy was appreciated but it wasn’t a major situation or anything.”

He shrugged. “Something could have happened while we were waiting for you.”

Jonny snorted. That was one way to put it.

There was a pause as Marius and Ivy both looked over them and Ashes stared back, a not quite flat look on their face while Jonny tried not to let his mind run away from him with whatever bullshit it might suggest.

He knew that he was bad at telling what people were thinking so probably wouldn’t notice if everyone in the room wanted him gone. Everyone here had said that they wanted him with them though and even if they were probably lying he needed to trust them.

It wasn’t like he’’d come up with anything useful if he let his mind wonder anyways. 

“What uh. What do you two think about the idea of us all talking about our relationships? I um. Look I won’t bring it up to everyone if you don’t want me to, but I really think it would be a good idea and-”

“Marius? Shut up before you give yourself another panic attack.”

Even with how flat his voice was, it still got Marius to stop rambling before he really got going.

Ashes pinched his side. 

“As much as I don’t like the idea, it...probably would be a good idea. At the very least, we should discuss what exactly the bioprogramming is liable to be influencing in our...relationships.”

They paused as Marius beamed at them.

“Just...don’t bring it up until  _ after _ dinner. No need to ruin anyone’s appetite especially when more than one person’s eating habits are...questionable.”

Marius nodded. “Of course.”

“That’s a fair point,” Ivy interjected. “Brian is the only one of us that reliably remembers to eat so holding off on suggesting something liable to upset anyone would be best.”

He could feel all three of their eyes on him, waiting.

He  _ really _ didn’t want to have Marius’s conversation. ...Ashes was right though. They deserved to get to know that the bioprogramming was what made them care about each other initially. Even if it meant he was going to lose them.

He sighed, “okay.”

Marius bounced forward and cupped his face to kiss him. Ashes squeezed him. Ivy grabbed his shoulder and squeezed tightly for a moment.

“Can we just go get food now? I’m done with this conversation.”

Ashes laughed. “Yeah. The others are probably all waiting on us by now.”

With Ashes ushering them on, they made their way to the kitchen pretty quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...this scene was supposed to be like two pages not an entire chapter so...who knows when this'll actually end.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	21. Same Page (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's already been a long day, but apparently Tim has several more emotional conversations to get through...starting with trying to get everyone on the same page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warning:  
> \- miscommunication  
> \- implied/referenced torture and abuse  
> \- references to Carmilla's A+ parenting  
> \- dissociation  
> \- severe self-esteem issues  
> \- implied/referenced fighting/arguing

Brian did eventually let them try dinner as he finished up. Watching Nastya’s face when Brian handed her actually spicy curry was always amusing.

Even if Tim couldn’t handle it when Brian made curry that he didn’t insist was doctored so it wouldn’t kill half of them, ze was still able to handle a lot more than Nastya. The amount of hazing ze’d endure from Bertie’s younger siblings when he first started bringing hir home had made sure of that, at least.

Though ze supposed they weren’t solely at fault for hir being able to handle some spicy food. Bertie had tricked hir into eating things that made hir cry plenty too.

Regardless, ze was able to handle a lot more than Nastya and watching her try not to show that she was dying a little from the allegedly mild curry was always amusing.

Given the pleased look ze caught on Nastya’s face at hir laughter, that was probably the point.

“Weak.”

“You have no room to talk, Tim. You’re not actually that much better than Nastya.”

As he spoke, Brian passed a spoon to hir as well, smirking slightly.

...Tim knew for a fact that ze could handle a lot more than Nastya so that probably meant that this was going to be “proper curry.” Ze was going to regret this wasn’t ze?

Ze took the spoon.

“I don’t think I’m _that_ bad. I can at least eat _some_ peppers.”

“You do not get to use the fact that you can eat something _I’m allergic to_ as evidence you’re any better.”

Tim stuck hir tongue out at Nastya before trying the curry...and immediately beginning to cough.

 _“Christ!_ Please tell me that’s more spicy than you normally let me try.”

Nastya and Brian both laughed at hir.

Brian snagged hir around the waist when ze went to pass back the spoon and pulled hir into his side to kiss. He was grinning at hir when he pulled back and took the spoon. “A little, but not by a lot. You’re just weak.”

Tim just shook hir head. There wasn’t even anything ze could offer to argue the point. What excuses ze’d used as a child were useless when “white” was nothing more than a descriptor even if that was generally a positive.

The slight sound of rustling feathers was the only warning ze received before arms wrapped around hir waist and cool lips brushed across hir shoulder.

“Hi, how’re you?”

Ze hummed, leaning back into Raphaella. “I’m getting by. Probably could use some therapy, but we all could.”

"Why? We're not failed experiments."

Tim blinked.

Nastya was staring at hir in horror. Brian was looking just past hir at Raph in confusion.

"Why would you suggest that?!"

"What do you mean failed experiments???"

Brian and Nastya's voices were barely distinguishable. The stress was clearly audible in their voices.

"Um. I assume Brian's question is for me. Nastya, who's supposed to be answering you?" Raphaella sounded almost worried. With the way her arms tightened around hir waist and some of the things ze’d noticed the past few day, ze was started to worry about her.

"I don't know! Just. Why?! None of us need to go through that!"

Tim was fairly certain that ze wasn't the only one who was staring at Nastya.

"Therapy has proven to be highly detrimental to both Jonny and Nastya's well-being and further exasperated pre-existing conditions. There is no reason to expect that it would benefit any of the crew given the similarities to the doctor's experiments."

Everyone except Nastya jumped. If Aurora was speaking aloud then whatever she and Nastya thought was being suggested must be really bad. Aurora _hated_ talking, said that it was uncomfortable for her.

She seemed to be implying that both Jonny and Nastya had tried doing therapy before and it had gone poorly. Which didn’t make any sense.

...She also seemed to be saying that therapy bore some resemblance to what Carmilla had done to them.

"Aurora. Nastya."

Brian spoke slowly, like he wasn't sure of his words. "Could one of you please explain what exactly you think we're suggesting? It sounds like you're saying the Doc tried giving Jonny and Nastya therapy which doesn't make any sense to me."

There was a pause for a long moment before Nastya spoke.

“Y-you would not remember. She stopped...she stopped before she found you. She would...strap us to the table and ask us questions while she tried to fix us so we’d answer correctly and truthfully. It. It never worked though and eventually she just gave up.”

Nastya's accent thickened as she spoke. The slight drawl she'd picked up from Jonny disappeared along with the trills Brian used and lilt from Ashes.

“It was not any different from her experiments to be honest. The only real difference was that she claimed therapy was supposed to help us.” She gave a short, bitter laugh. “She never bothered lying about what the experiments were for. She never tried to claim that those were for anything other than her entertainment at least.”

Tim choked.

Ze knew that Carmilla had done a lot of fucked up shit to hir family, but this? This absolutely took the cake.

That she would- And Jonny- Nastya was-

Ze couldn’t. Ze just couldn’t deal with this.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?”

Nastya had folded in on herself even more than she already had talking about Carmilla.

Tim shook hirself.

“Nastya…”

Brian’s voice overlapped with hirs.

Ze glanced at him and met his eyes for a moment, watched as he swallowed and steeled himself.

“Nastya, would you like a hug?”

There was a pause. Tim could see as Nastya considered the offer, debating if it’d help or just make things worse.

“Ju-just from you.”

Brian reached out slowly and pulled Nastya into his arms, holding her tight.

She shook, the stress of the conversation almost making her cry from what ze could see.

In the back of hir mind, ze finally registered that Raph’s grip had gone tight like a vice, clinging to hir as Raphaella shook slightly.

“I do not- Why would you suggest we need therapy?” Nastya’s voice broke, tears starting to fall as she gave up the strong act now that she was in Brian’s arms. “There is not anything good about it. It just _hurts_ and does not get any results.”

“That’s not what therapy is supposed to be! If anything that would make you _need_ therapy!”

Raph’s voice made Tim wince. The shrillness of her distress could be painful at the best of times, let alone right next to hir ear.

“I- what?”

A screen slid out of the wall as Aurora began typing.

**What is therapy supposed to be then? What the doctor forced Nastya and Jonny to endure is the only therapy I am aware of.**

“It’s supposed to be like talking? I think? The whole point is to help you process what went wrong so it doesn’t fuck you up! Performing experiments would only exacerbate the problem!”

Fuck. Just fuck.

Did _anyone_ on this ship actually have a good understanding of what therapy was?

Tim knew that hir understanding was probably still flawed. It had certainly been fucked up before ze’d ended up trying it. Even with Bertie having been half seriously considering becoming a therapist, ze still hadn’t ever quite gotten that it didn’t necessarily correlate with there being something wrong with a person.

Ashes had thought that it was the same as institutionalizing people, Brian hadn’t even heard of it before Marius showed up, Raph seemed to think that the only reason to get therapy was if you were involved in an unsuccessful experiment. Nastya and Aurora both thought that therapy was torture of some kind? Which probably meant that Jonny thought the same thing and Tim really didn’t want to think about the implications of that.

Marius obviously didn’t actually know what therapy was since even if Tim could see some of Bertie’s classmates having done stuff like his psychoanalyzing routine to screw with people. If he actually knew what it was he definitely would have pushed it more with all of them. It was doubtful that TS had any clue what it was and it was emphatic enough about helping that Tim doubted it wouldn’t have insisted they give it a try if it did.

That only left Ivy, who was probably the most likely to have an accurate idea. With how much she read and the functionally eidetic memory thanks to her mechanical brain, she was bound to have figured it out at some point, right? And she wouldn’t have necessarily have bothered to bring it up to anyone.

Ivy may know practically everything, but she was a horrible judge of what other people may or may not know. The number of times she’d started explaining the most basic of concepts to Tim because she thought ze didn’t know was only surpassed by the number of times she’d startled when Tim informed her that ze didn’t know something.

...Ze had a bad feeling that she didn’t know what therapy was supposed to be though. Realizing that there was almost no chance that any of the rest of them knew what it was didn’t help any.

“That. also isn’t. what. therapy. is supposed to be.” Brian spoke slowly, a slight stammer punctuating his words.

Ze could just barely make out Nastya’s confusion from what little of her face was visible around Brian’s chest and arm.

“Based off of what research I’ve done as well as Tim and I’s conversations over the past few days, therapy is supposed to essentially be talking to someone not involved about your problems and just, life in general. The idea is that a therapist is trained to be able to offer suggestions for addressing your problems that aren’t harmful and is outside of any situations that may arise unlike your friends and family.”

Raph’s head knocked into Tim’s as she cocked it to the side, not that she noticed.

“That sounds similar to what I’ve experienced with therapy though it’s a very different approach to its usually used. I can see how it would be beneficial to apply in other cases and in general though. ...huh, that’s actually really interesting. Logistically speaking it should have been at least explored as a solution to other issues outside of failed experiments.” Raph trailed off into a mumble as she considered the apparently new information.

Nastya still looked rough, but she seemed to be calming down.

“So what you are suggesting is just that we talk about our...issues with someone who is trained to help us fix them? I...do not believe that would be possible. Even if we were all willing to discuss them, where would we find someone trained to?”

“We- I- That isn’t-” Tim cut hirself off. Ze wasn’t making any sense so there was no point in trying to continue.

There was a pause for a long moment until ze realized the others were waiting for hir to say something.

Oh. That was. Ze didn’t know why that was so unexpected. Ze...thought ze liked it though.

“We’re trying to figure out what we could do as far as therapy goes ‘cause yeah, we can’t exactly get someone who’s trained to help us figure out all of our shit in the first place let alone someone who wouldn’t die on us before we even really scratched the surface. But um. If we can figure out something then it would probably help us all. It’s- it’s not necessarily a person you talk to either. It can be other stuff like how I play with the octokittens I think? It’s...been a. Been a long time since I really heard anyone talk about it in detail.”

Ze swallowed.

Fuck.

Ze’d gotten through an entire conversation about Bertie earlier and now just mentioning that it’d been a long time since ze’d listened to him talk about therapy was making hir want to cry.

Ze felt Raph’s lips press against hir neck for a moment. Her arms loosened enough that she could gently rub hir sides instead of clutching onto hir.

“If this is too much, we can not talk about it.”

“No I-” Tim took a deep breath. “I’m fine. I just. I probably need to actually talk about...Bertie and deal with the fact that he’s...that he’s dead. And um. M-most of what I know is because he was studying psychology before the war and would tell me about his classwork while I worked on projects a lot of the time. So um. Kinda just actually remembering him for pretty much the first time since he died.”

Ze could see the way Nastya and Brian both winced at that, could feel Raph’s reaction in the way her arms tightened again.

Nastya gave hir a weak smile. “I think I would like us to be done with this conversation for a while at least. So maybe you can...talk about him with Jonny so it hurts less to remember him before we discuss it again.”

Tim laughed. He could feel Raph shaking as she and Brian both started giggling and see the lights flicker softly in the way Aurora showed her own amusement.

“I think it’ll come up again before then...actually I kinda hope it does ‘cause I don’t think I’m gonna be that much better about it for a long while.”

Nastya nodded slightly as she pulled away from Brian and went to lean against the wall instead. She tangled her fingers with the wire that Aurora dropped from the ceiling.

"That is understandable."

Raph gently squeezed hir before starting to pull away. "I can-"

She was cut off by Aurora extending a screen to say something. **May I suggest that we finish getting dinner ready? The rest of the crew is on their way and I believe several people would benefit from food sooner rather than later.**

Brian nodded, accepting the chastment. "That's a fair point. We could probably all do with food at the very least. Dinner should be done, just need to get the table set."

"I Can Help Set The Table!"

Tim and Raph both jumped.

Ze looked over to see TS standing in the doorway of the kitchen. There was an awkward pause while everyone worked out that it hadn't actually been there the whole time.

Its shoulders rose up slightly as its head ducked. "Am I Interrupting Something?"

Shit. It wouldn't even admit to being upset if any of them tried to ask if it was alright.

"No, you're not interrupting anything, dear. We just missed your arrival so you startled us."

Brian was the best. Somehow he managed to reassure it with just those few words.

"Thank you for offering to help set the table. Could you please get someone else to help and take care of that for me while I get the food?"

It brightened immediately. "Of Course! I Would Be Happy To!" With that it began moving to collect dishes.

Raph squeezed hir arms as she moved around hir. "I can do some research on different sorts of therapies, see if I can't find anything that would work for us, if you'd like," she said softly.

Tim nodded. "That'd be appreciated, yeah. Thank you."

Raph flashed hir a grin and leaned down to kiss hir before flitting over to take the pot of rice from Brian.

Tim smiled at the antics. A glance showed that Nastya had moved over to start collecting silverware while ze was distracted by Raph. TS was busy stacking plates. They also still needed bowls since Brian had also made some sort of kebab and would kill them if they just snatched them off the tray.

Ze snagged TS around the waist as it started towards the table and took the plates out of its hands. "I've got these, love."

It was just enough taller than hir today that ze actually had to go on tiptoes to press a quick kiss to its wooden lips. Ze hadn’t thought it was when it came into the kitchen, but it was observant enough that ze wouldn’t be surprised if it’d noticed that ze liked actually getting to be the short one on occasion and had changed that when ze got near it.

“Thank You! I Will Get Started On Getting Drinks!”

It dipped down just enough to press a quick kiss to hir cheek before spinning at its waist and beginning to walk towards the cabinets again. Ze had to smile even as ze winced over the eternal grating weirdness of the sight.

Between the stilted motions as it forgot to keep itself a bit more humanlike and the rushed words, ze was pretty sure it’d be blushing to the tips of its ears if it were flesh. Even if it had difficulty keeping itself close enough to human that it wasn’t a touch painful when its emotions were high, ze quite enjoyed the sight of its flustered reactions.

* * *

Dinner was a touch awkward.

It was obvious that the conversation in the kitchen wasn’t the only emotional conversation had that day. When they’d come in, Ashes, Ivy, Marius, and Jonny had all looked uncomfortable. With how red their eyes were Tim was pretty sure Ashes had actually been crying.

No one had said anything about it or what happened in the kitchen though.

Tim didn’t want to risk bringing it up during dinner, but ze was worried. Jonny had been tucked against Ashes’s side when they’d come in and pressed into Tim’s when they’d shoved him towards hir.

Whatever had happened had obviously shaken him as well.

If ze could pull him away from the others after, he might be willing to tell hir. Ze doubted ze could do that though. They’d end up getting shepherded back to the medbay so everyone could end up in a sprawling pile for sleep even if no one was going to sleep for a while yet.

As much as Tim was enjoying having the entire crew curl up together at night, ze wouldn’t have minded if everyone was actually going back to their own rooms at night if only so ze could get some time alone with Jonny without having to outright ask for it.

Jonny kept getting more and more fidgety as they finished dinner. His chair scooted closer and closer to Tim’s one inch at a time. Pressing hir own leg against his didn’t seem to help any...nor did sliding a hand over to hold his.

Absently, Tim noticed that Ashes and Marius were also more on edge as dinner started to wrap up. Ivy didn’t seem to be, but then with how blank Ivy’s face was most of the time Tim probably wouldn’t have noticed if she was. About the only time Tim could get a feel for how Ivy was feeling without her telling hir was when she was in hir arms so trying to get a read on her emotions when she was across the table was functionally impossible.

Once TS started to gather the dishes, Jonny finally just slid into hir lap. His head pressed into hir neck and his arms wrapped around hir waist tightly. It was like he was trying to hide.

Tim looked up at the others to see Marius fidgeting and glancing around the table. Ashes had their arms crossed and their jaw set. Whatever was going on, they didn’t like it. Ivy was even more placid than normal.

Marius cleared his throat.

“Um. TS? Could you actually leave the dishes for a few moments? I- I have something I want to suggest and I’d like you to be here for it too.”

It stared at him in the more stiff than normal manner that ze’d come to think of as its version of blinking for a moment before nodding. It set the plates it had been stacking down and sat back down in its seat, slowly folding into a smaller form than before.

“Thanks. Um. I know I’ve had a conversation with most of you about where exactly we stand, but um. I’m kinda getting the idea that no one else has really had those sorts of conversations and.” Marius paused and took a deep breath.

Jonny pressed closer to hir.

Marius swallowed and straightened up slightly.

“Jonny says that the bioprogramming from... _her_ is what makes us care about each other initially and he at least doesn’t think that we care about him beyond that. We uh. Ivy ran the numbers and we’ve all been having more and more issues with our interpersonal relationships over the past few centuries.”

“You said you had a suggestion you wanted to make. Stop stalling and make it.”

Nastya looked tense. Tim didn’t think she was anymore okay with what Marius had said than ze was.

“Right. um...I want to suggest that we talk this out. It-it doesn’t have to be all at once, but we need to actually discuss what we want from each other, how we feel about each other, what...issues we may have with each other, that sort of thing. ...I know that most of you probably don’t like this idea, but I really think we need to. Because I really don’t believe that Jonny’s the only one who’s walking around thinking people who care about him a lot barely even tolerate him.”

There were several moments of silence.

Tim didn’t know what to think.

Ze didn’t think ze was opposed. It’d let hir find out exactly what ze could call hir relationship with each of the other mechs. Ze didn’t like the suggestion that any of hir family could possibly think that ze only only cared about them because of Carmilla’s bioprogramming. ...Ze didn’t even want to acknowledge the possibility that that could possibly be true.

Jonny was shaking in hir arms.

Ze looked down. Ze couldn’t see his face with how it was pressed into hir neck. Ze could feel the tension in his shoulders, the trembling of his arms, the hot tears that were falling.

“Jonny?”

Ze couldn’t really make out hir own voice.

...He didn’t answer.

Tim looked up, intending to try and get help. As ze did so, hir hearing snapped back into place and the room erupted into a cacophony of shouting.

Nothing made any sense. Ze couldn’t make out anyone’s voice well enough to hear what they were saying. Whatever was going on it wasn’t something ze wanted to be here for.

Ze could already feel hir breath speeding up.

Fuck it.

Ze dropped hir hold around Jonny so that ze could pick him up as ze stood. Ze didn’t bother saying anything as ze did. Ze could feel eyes on hir, but didn’t even bother trying to make out if any of the crew members who’d noticed were trying to say something to hir.

Ze walked out.

* * *

It took several turns and more time than ze wanted before the ruckus was at least _mostly_ inaudible. Ze’d started walking towards the medbay without thinking. Ze paused for a minute, trying to get hir thoughts in enough order to decide if ze wanted to go there or not.

There was a brief squeeze on the back of hir neck before Jonny spoke. His voice was muffled and rough with tears. “Where are we going?”

“...Medbay or our room? If you’re up to it you chose.”

Jonny was quiet for a moment, tears still soaking through Tim’s shirt.

“Medbay,” he finally whispered. “I- I can’t think with all the noise but they- all’a y’all deserve to know how the bioprogramming might affect y’all if y’all don’t already know.”

Tim swallowed. Ze started walking again, this time with an intentional destination.

“Wha-what did Marius mean about you thinking we all only care about you because the bioprogramming makes us? Do you? Do you really think that?”

Jonny tapped out a melody that ze didn’t quite recognize against the back of hir neck.

With how close they’d already been, Tim made it to the medbay doors before ze started to worry he wasn’t going to answer hir.

He squeezed hir neck as Aurora opened the medbay doors though and murmured something about sitting down.

Ze didn’t bother pressing, just shifted to get the one door Aurora didn’t currently have access to open and dropped them both into the corner of one of the nest things that they’d basically claimed as their own over the past couple of weeks.

Jonny clung to hir for a moment longer before sighing and pulling back so ze could actually see him.

“I don’. Marius made i’sound worse than i’really is. I just. I know that I’m not a good person and that I’m annoyin’ and all. And...you’re the only member of the crew I ever trie’to. Ever tried to be anythin’ else for. Didn’ work, but. But you still decided t’keep me. And you. She still gave you the bioprogrammin’ but it didn’ matter. ...I don’t think it even really took for you. You still wanted to murder me for half a millennia afterwards and never seemed to show any signs of the bioprogrammin’ in general so it probably didn’.”

Tim didn’t think Jonny really needed the comfort right that moment so ze didn’t worry about keeping hir arms tight around him. Ze trailed a hand gently up his arm to cup his face.

“Why doesn’t her giving me the bioprogramming matter? Besides it probably not taking, I mean.”

“Um. You. I’d already tricked you into loving me so the bioprogramming couldn’t make you think you did.”

What?

Jonny didn’t make any sense. How would he have tricked hir into loving him?

“I didn’ try with anybo’y else so there’s no reason they would even want me here if they didn’ have to.”

No.

That was...Tim didn’t even know where to begin with that.

Ze took a deep breath.

“Jonny. I’m not really inclined to believe that you tricked anyone into loving you and I really doubt I’m the only one who does.”

Jonny whined. “I- You’re _not._ ” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Tim.

“Ashes and Marius both sai’ that they love me. And Ivy sai’ she cares about me even though she was a’le to delete the bioprogrammin’. I-I believe them, I than-...I don’t think they’re lyin’ at least. There just...there isn’t a reason for ‘em to. At least you make sense. I- I pretended to be good and not worthless for you for years. I didn’ do that t’any of them so it don’ make sense.”

Tim kissed the top of his head.

Ze didn’t have the first clue how to get Jonny to understand that he was loved just for who he was. For his ridiculous, over the top dramatics, for his quiet fussing, for the way he’d smile when he was half asleep, for the way he’d drop his things wherever he was when he finished using them. 

Aurora apparently took hir lack of immediate response as a signal that they were done because a screen extended into hir view.

**What are your thoughts on Marius’s suggestion? Are you amenable if everyone can refrain from fighting?**

Ze frowned.

Ze...ze liked the idea if they could come up with a way to keep it from dissolving into chaos. Ze wasn’t about to agree if Jonny didn’t want to though. Ze could have hir own conversations with each of the other Mechanisms as the opportunity arose if he didn’t want to give it a shot.

“Jonny?” Ze squeezed him lightly.

He turned and looked at the screen. He didn’t respond until his face was pressed back into Tim’s neck tightly. “Y’all deserve to know about the bioprogramming.”

Tim swallowed.

It sounded like Jonny didn’t want to, but felt bad if he said no. Or at least that’s the best Tim could come up with for why he kept saying they deserved to know about the bioprogramming.

Ze laid hir head on his and spoke softly. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. If the bioprogramming is that important then we can have a conversation specifically about it another time.”

Jonny’s grip on hir tightened and he trembled for a moment before shaking his head. 

“No. I- I’d rather ge’this over with.”

“...Okay,” Tim sighed. Ze looked up towards Aurora’s screen. “We can start if someone comes up with a way to make sure that fighting doesn’t happen. I- I think that a lot of this needs to happen in one on one conversations though.”

**I will inform the others and prevent them from returning to the medbay until they have agreed to refrain.**

“Thank you.”

Tim leaned hir head against Jonny’s and held him close.

“I love you. You didn’t do anything to make me fall in love with you either. Or rather, you did but it’s all stuff you still do. Um. Everything you did that made me fall in love with you is just things that are part of who you are, not. Not any of the things that you. I fell in love with you because I like you not whatever you were doing to make yourself seem different with Bertie and I.”

“But I...I pretended to be good though. That I. That I was actually a good person and could spend time with people without hurtin’ someone and that I could be quiet when asked and I. and I-”

Tim had heard enough.

Ze got a tight enough grip on Jonny’s hair to pull him out of hir neck and cupped his face in hir hands. He didn’t stop talking so ze just kissed him.

Ze tried to pour every feeling ze had for him, the anguished fear when ze thought he had betrayed hir, the soft tingling affection when he tucked himself into hir side in the mornings, the too-much all-encompassing _love_ that ze held for him, into the kiss.

...When ze pulled back ze was fairly certain that he still hadn’t gotten. How could ze get it through to him that even with how different he had acted when it was just them and Bertie, ze still loved him? How could ze get him to understand that none of the things ze loved about him had changed even if ze had thought some of them had?

Ze’d fallen in love with him for the way he laughed, bright and too loud and with an edge of mania every time. Ze’d fallen in love with him for the way he held a gun, cocky and sure of himself in a way that wasn’t truly arrogant even though he was as likely to end up shooting himself as anyone else. 

Ze’d fallen in love with the soft snores he made curled up on hir or Bertie’s chest at night, with the odd bits of slang and drawled curses that always slipped through even when he tried to keep up the perfect “non”-accent he’d been using when ze first met him. Ze’d fallen in love with the ridiculous number of belts strapped in all sorts of fashion across his body, with the lilting songs he’d sing when he didn’t think anyone was listening, with the unacknowledged gifts he’d leave at his family’s sides.

Ze hadn’t fallen in love with him because of the scarred man with a heart of glass that he’d presented hir and Bertie with that first day. Ze’d fallen in love with Jonny, an overprotective, deeply wounded fool who didn’t know when to quit and was desperate to be loved.

“Do you remember the second time we were transferred between bases? When they were talking about splitting our unit up?”

Jonny’s brow was pinched. Ze didn’t think he had a clue, let alone suspected where this was going.

“Y-yeah. Had t’threaten to crack some skulls open t’get them t’shut up about i’.”

Tim smiled. “You did do that,” ze told him with a short laugh. “That’s when I realized I was in love with you. When...what was it? Smith, I think? Told us that they were talking about splitting up our unit and Bertie got really quiet. He...wasn’t dealing with it well and just trying to keep us close as long as possible. Only you weren’t having any of it. You just kissed him and said not to worry, then marched off to find whoever was in charge.”

Jonny was still watching hir with a look of confusion.

“You just ripped them a new one and then made them find a solution so that we stayed together without a second thought. You’d hardly even known us for a full year and you were willing to put not only your position, but your very life on the line to make sure we stayed together. And I know that being immortal and all it wasn’t that big of a deal to you, but it was to me.”

Jonny was flushed by the time Tim finished speaking. He was avoiding hir eyes too. Ze reminded hirself that Jonny always avoided eye contact firmly. It wasn’t a bad sign.

He didn’t answer hir for a long moment.

“Jonny? Do you understand what I’m saying? If you don’t I want to try finding a way to say it that you can.”

Jonny grimaced. When he finally spoke, his voice came out barely above a whisper.

“I...understand what you’re saying. I...I just don’t understand how it can be true. - Not. Not that I don’t believe you...I just. There’s nothing good about me so why would you love me if I didn’t trick you? And I understand what you’re _saying_...it just doesn’t make sense.”

Tim sighed.

Ze...ze could live with that. As long as Jonny understood that ze didn’t connect any of the things he’d done to make hir like him to hir feelings for him, that was enough for now. Ze’d figure out how to convince him that he did have redeeming qualities at another time.

“Okay. I...can live with that for now. I’m still going to try to convince you that you’re capable of being loved without tricking anyone into it, but I can let it go for now.”

Ze pressed hir forehead to his and just breathed for a moment.

It hurt that Jonny couldn’t understand that ze was able to love him without being tricked. Given how confused he’d been by the mere fact that Bertie and hirself loved him during the Lunar War, ze didn’t think it was anything ze’d done though. Ze’d figure out a way to convince him eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how I said this was supposed to be the last chapter? Well it's not. There's at least two more. Possibly more depending on how long this fucking conversation takes. Because I refuse to post a thirty page chapter. It's just too much to deal with in a single sitting.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	22. Unlovable (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny's very overwhelmed and can't deal with being loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- severe self-depreciation  
> \- implied/referenced past issues with not realizing TS was a person  
> \- implied/referenced abusive relationships  
> \- dehumanization?, it's TS's not Real thing
> 
> The second part of this chapter involves TS and addresses some of Jonny's thoughts on it and it's insistence that it isn't Real/a person. Jonny only realized it was at least as much of a person as Aurora after Carmilla's accident. This does not make for a good combination.

There was so much shouting.

Jonny did _not_ like this. It wasn’t the worst it could be he guessed.

He’d crawled into Tim’s lap before Marius started talking so it wasn’t difficult to hide his face against Tim’s chest. Tim was holding him tight against hir so it would actually be kinda nice if everyone wasn’t angry.

He _knew_ it wasn’t his fault. He _knew_ it.

No one was gonna take a swing at him either. It was fine. He was safe.

His eyes felt wet.

“-the hell are you trying to suggest-”

“-not about to sit here and listen-”

“-motherfucking cheese riding-”

Everyone was angry because he had to bring up that the bioprogramming made them care about each other. They were fine before he had. It hadn’t been perfect but it had been the nicest Jonny could remember it being. They’d all been sorta happy and he thought everyone else had liked getting to curl up together at night and-

Tim’s arms suddenly dropped from around him.

He gasped, clutching at hir. 

He was sorry. He didn’t mean to upset anyone. He could be better, he promised. Please don’t leave him. He’d figure out how to fix it-

The world suddenly shifted as Tim stood up and walked out of the room quickly.

Jonny sobbed, clinging to hir. 

He didn’t want to have to go.

Marius and Ashes had both said they loved him and it didn’t make any sense but he _wanted_ it. Ivy said she cared about him. Tim had said that ze wanted them to be together again, that ze thought ze was the one who had fucked up.

Jonny didn’t want to lose any of this. He could fix it...somehow.

Tim slowed down as the sounds of the others fighting faded. Hir thumbs were rubbing back and forth on his thighs.

He risked a peek at hir face.

Ze wasn’t looking at him, just dead ahead. Ze had this almost vacant look in hir eyes.

...Maybe ze wasn’t mad at him?

He squeezed hir shoulder.

Ze didn’t react.

Oh. This was bad. This was very bad.

Tim wasn’t all here again. Ze’d gotten a lot better about that since ze got back and he hadn’t actually seen hir do it hardly at all.

Ze just kept walking.

He could probably make this up to hir. 

It was his fault that everyone was upset, but he could make it better. Tim probably didn’t leave because ze was mad at him, but because the yelling was too much. He could make it up to hir.

Ze would blame hirself before ze blamed him. He knew this. When had Tim actually blamed him for anything, even things that were obviously his fault? Only while ze was mad at him for ruining hir life. So ze was gonna try and insist that it wasn’t his fault.

It _didn’t matter_. Even- even if ze wasn’t going to blame him ze might still realize it was actually his fault later and he needed to try to make it up to hir so ze wouldn’t be more mad at him then.

Eventually, ze came to a stop.

Jonny waited for a few moments to see if ze was going to come back on hir own. When ze didn’t, he squeezed hir neck and hoped that asking hir where ze was taking him would be enough.

“...Medbay or our room? If you’re up to it, you choose.”

Oh.

Ze’d called it their room. Not hirs.

Jonny...didn’t know how he felt about that. It...scared him he thought.

Or it would if he got scared. Ever.

He...he liked it though. Liked that they shared a room like they would have if things had worked out and he’d gotten to go home with Tim and Bertie.

He needed to tell everyone about the bioprogramming though and. And he’d said he would have Marius’s conversation. 

He didn’t _want_ to. 

They were all gonna be upset with him and he’d have to listen as they all told him how much they actually hated him and wish they didn’t care about him being with them so they could just get rid of him.

No. _No._ Ashes and Marius and Ivy and Tim all wanted him here. Even. even if they might change their minds after the others reminded them how horrible a person he was. He wouldn’t have to listen to how much they hated him though. 

He. He could do this. For _su familia._

“Medbay. I-” he swallowed. This was harder than he’d thought. “I can’t think with all the noise but they- all’a y’all deserve to know the bioprogramming might affect y’all if y’all don’t already know.”

There was a moment or two of silence before Tim started walking again. Ze shifted so that one of hir arms was wrapped around his waist and squeezed.

“Wha-what did Marius mean about you thinking we all only care about you because the bioprogramming makes us? Do you? Do you really think that?”

How did Jonny explain that? It was. It made perfect sense to Jonny. What didn’t make sense was why any of them thought they actually cared about him.

He wasn’t good for anythin’ and caused everyone a lot of problems. Tim was the only one who he’d even _tried_ to get to like him and well, he had still managed to ruin Tim’s life. 

There wasn’t any reason for them to want him around other than the bioprogramming and he knew he shouldn’t be thankful for it, but it wasn’t like he had ever been a halfway decent person to begin with. At least the bioprogramming meant him being gone was upsetting enough to the rest of them that they made some effort to not abandon him.

The soft woosh of the medbay doors opening startled him out of his thoughts.

Jonny wasn’t sure how long he’d been out of it for, probably not long since Tim didn’t seem worried. Unless Tim had checked out again.

He squeezed the back of Tim’s neck.

All he got in response was a questioning hum. That _probably_ meant that Tim was still with him though.

“Can we sit down before we talk, please?”

Tim pressed a quick kiss to the side of his head as ze fumbled to open the door to Marius’s… nest. room. thing. ...Jonny still really wasn’t sure to call the room that Marius had somehow turned into a giant bed but, more stable.

Tim seemed to like it and Jonny was enough of a man to admit that he… did enjoy having all of his crew within reach at night. So there was that.

Marius was a smart man to have come up with it. Even if Jonny wasn’t going to tell him that.

The shift of weight as Tim dropped into one of the lowered portions that were basically just pillows, made him tense. The way ze just squirmed slightly to lean against the side and wrap hir arms tightly around him was soothing though.

He pressed his face back into hir neck and just breathed for a few moments.

He didn’t want to lose hir and he was pretty sure he catastrophizing; he couldn’t help but fear that ze’d realize that he wasn’t worth anything and leave him for real after ze knew about the bioprogramming.

After a few moments, he sighed and pulled back enough that he could watch Tim’s face while he explained. Even if Tim’s face was _really_ hard to read sometimes, it was easy enough that Jonny would probably be able to tell when he needed to leave Tim alone.

“I don’t. Marius made it sound worse than it really is. I just. I know that I’m not a good person and that I’m annoyin’ and all. And...you’re the only member of the crew I ever tried to. Ever tried to be anythin’ else for. Didn’t work, but. But you still decided to keep me. And you. She still gave you the bioprogramming but it didn’t matter. ...I don’t think it even really took for you. You still wanted to murder me for half a millennia afterwards and never seemed to show any signs of the bioprogramming in general so it probably didn’t.”

There. That was...that was a fairly good way to sum it up.

One of Tim’s arms dropped from around him only for Tim to drag hir hand up his side and wrap it around his jaw. Ze tilted his head up like ze was gonna try and make him meet hir eyes.

“Why doesn’t her giving me the bioprogramming matter? Besides it probably not taking, I mean.”

“Um. You. I’d already tricked you into loving me so the bioprogramming couldn’t make you think you did. I didn’t try with anybo’y else so there’s no reason they would even want me here if they didn’ have to.”

There was a long, painful moment of silence before Tim took a deep breath. “Jonny. I’m not really inclined to believe that you tricked anyone into loving you and I really doubt I’m the only one who does.”

“I- You’re _not._ ” Jonny was pretty sure he believed Ashes and Marius when they said he loved him and that Ivy cared about him. He just. It _didn’t make sense_.

He didn’t think any of them would lie to him though...at least not about something like this. There wasn’t anything they could gain from it, not when he already knew- when he’d already _thought_ that they didn’t.

“Ashes and Marius both said that they love me. And Ivy said she cares about me even though she was able to delete the bioprogramming. I-I believe them, I than-...I don’t think they’re lyin’ at least. There just...there isn’t a reason for ‘em to. At least you make sense. I- I pretended to be good and not worthless for you for years. I didn’t do that to any of them so it don’t make sense.”

Tim kissed the top of his head.

Ze wrapped hir arms tight around him and pressed hir face into his hair for a moment before loosening hir grip and sitting up with a sigh.

There was a slight whirring and then a few moments of silence. Aurora wanting to say something, maybe?

Tim squeezed hir arms around him for a few seconds. “Jonny?”

He sighed, pulling back and turning to find Aurora’s screen.

**What are your thoughts on Marius’s suggestion? Are you amenable if everyone can refrain from fighting?**

He _really_ didn’t want to do this… the others all deserved to know about the bioprogramming though.

He turned back and curled himself tighter into Tim’s arms before responding.

“Y’all deserve to know about the bioprogramming.”

He could feel Tim swallow before ze rested hir head on his. Hir voice was barely above a whisper when ze spoke. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. If the bioprogramming is that important then we can have a conversation specifically about it another time.”

Distantly Jonny registered that he was shaking and clinging to hir. He shook his head. 

“No. I- I’d rather get this over with.”

“...Okay,” Tim sighed. Ze picked hir head up. “We can start if someone comes up with a way to make sure that fighting doesn’t happen. I- I think that a lot of this needs to happen in one on one conversations though.”

There was another moment of silence as Aurora no doubt replied.

“Thank you.”

Tim leaned hir head against Jonny’s and pulled him closer.

“I love you. You didn’t do anything to make me fall in love with you either. Or rather, you did but it’s all stuff you still do. Um. Everything you did that made me fall in love with you is just things that are part of who you are, not. Not any of the things that you. I fell in love with you because I like you not whatever you were doing to make yourself seem different with Bertie and I.”

Yes he had?

When Bertie had come over and almost started playing the overprotective boyfriend, he’d actually backed off instead of picking a fight. He’d made himself hush when they asked him to and listened to Bertie instead of fighting him and hadn’t even tried to shoot them!

“But I...I pretended to be good though. That I. That I was actually a good person and could spend time with people without hurtin’ someone and that I could be quiet when asked and I. and I-”

Tim suddenly grabbed his hair and wrenched his head back. By the time he’d even processed enough to yelp, ze had already let go to shut him up with a kiss.

It was nice.

Ze was so gentle with him, like he’d break if ze held him wrong. It made him feel like ze actually forgave him for everything and really did want to keep him for his sake.

He’d lied to them though, let them think he was redeemable. The fact that they’d made him think he might actually be wasn’t relevant. He’d still _lied_.

He’d pretended that he was a better person than he was and that he was fixable and they’d believed him.

“Do you remember the second time we were transferred between bases? When they were talking about splitting our unit up?”

Yeah…?

One of the guys in their unit had overheard talk about them getting split up since they were down about half their men after the last attack they’d weathered. Bertie had been distraught over it so Jonny had found the idiot in charge of assignments and given them what for if they’d split up their unit. Made a point about how he and the Sarg had put too much work into getting everyone into a damn team and given how well they’d held up it’d be out right murder to split them up in the first place if he recalled correctly.

Why was Tim bringing it up now though?

“Y-yeah. Had to threaten to crack some skulls open to get them to shut up about it.”

“You did do that,” ze laughed. “That’s when I realized I was in love with you. When...what was it? Smith, I think? Told us that they were talking about splitting up our unit and Bertie got really quiet. He...wasn’t dealing with it well and just trying to keep us close as long as possible. Only you weren’t having any of it. You just kissed him and said not to worry, then marched off to find whoever was in charge.”

Okay…?

“You just ripped them a new one and then made them find a solution so that we stayed together without a second thought. You’d hardly even known us for a full year and you were willing to put not only your position, but your very life on the line to make sure we stayed together. And I know that being immortal and all it wasn’t that big of a deal to you, but it was to me.”

Jonny’s face felt hot.

Tim wasn’t exactly wrong… If he’d been mortal, Jonny would have been risking his position and probably his life going off on a commanding officer like he had. Even though he knew that they _had_ to have realized he was immortal by then, it’d obviously shaken them both.

He’d always just assumed that they were worried that they were gonna get split up in retaliation, but it sounded like Tim was saying they were upset because they were worried for _him_. 

He could feel Tim’s eyes on him.

Tim. Tim realized ze was in love with him because of that. Ze fell in love with him because he got mad and yelled at someone for trying to take them away from him without any care for the consequences. 

Tim said ze’d _realized_ that ze was in love with him because of it. Ze was _already_ in love with him, or at least thought ze was. He had let them in some, not a lot, but some. They knew he was fucked up already even if they hadn’t known just _how_ fucked up he was. 

...That still didn’t explain how Tim could have fallen in love with him.

Jonny didn’t even know _why_ he was so confused by this! He knew that Tim and Bertie had both loved him before Bertie died! They had told him! Several times! 

It just...was hard to remember...even before Tim had spent so long hating him.

“Jonny? Do you understand what I’m saying? If you don’t I want to try finding a way to say it that you can.”

...yes.

Jonny _understood_ the point Tim was trying to make. Tim didn’t think Jonny had tricked hir into loving him. Which was _obviously_ wrong since there was no way ze’d ever love him if he didn’t...but Tim didn’t think so for some reason and Jonny honestly didn’t want to try and explain how exactly he’d tricked hir.

He knew it was selfish and wrong and cruel, but he wanted to be whatever Tim thought he was or had been or-

...Jonny didn’t want Tim to hate him again.

“I...understand what you’re saying. I...I just don’t understand how it can be true. - Not. Not that I don’t believe you...I just. There’s nothing good about me so why would you love me if I didn’t trick you? And I understand what you’re _saying_...it just doesn’t make sense.”

Tim sighed.

Hir hand rubbed up and down his back for a moment before ze spoke again.

“Okay. I...can live with that for now. I’m still going to try to convince you that you’re capable of being loved without tricking anyone into it, but I can let it go for now.”

Ze pressed hir forehead to his.

Jonny blinked trying to clear his vision. It didn’t seem to help any though, so he just closed his eyes and definitely _didn’t_ cry as he enjoyed the closeness with _su novie._

* * *

Jonny did actually notice when the Toy Soldier arrived even if he didn’t acknowledge it.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. 

He just was pressed very close to Tim and honestly a little floaty - not very much. He could pull himself back out of it easily, but enough that moving or talking when he didn’t have to wasn’t worth it.

So he hadn’t reacted to TS's arrival. He’d just stayed curled up in Tim’s lap as ze talked it into cuddling with them. He’d pulled back a little when it’d wrapped around Tim, expecting it to slide its arms between them.

It’d wrapped its arms around him and tangled them with Tim’s though.

...Jonny could admit that he really liked that. 

He...liked the way they were both wrapping around him and holding him close even though he wasn’t in the middle. ...He liked the way they were both keeping him, making him stay with them but not making it so he couldn’t run if he wanted, but he didn’t want to think about that.

He probably shivered a bit as it helped pull him more firmly against Tim. He was pretty sure he whined, but neither of them said anything so he could be wrong.

It was nice. For a little while at least.

He was held close and Tim _loved_ him and the Toy Soldier would pretend to love him even though it couldn’t and that kinda hurt because even if it would admit to having feelings it would still be pretending to love him. It probably had the _least_ reason to love him out of the entire crew. With how he’d treated it, it’d probably realize it hated him when it worked out that it didn’t really pretend its feelings.

And he _knew_ it would one day. They had forever for it to do so after all, and even if it wanted to pretend that it was just a doll now didn’t mean it always would. If _Jonny_ could help it figure out it could show emotions other than happy, then there was no way it wouldn’t figure out that it was an actual person eventually.

“First Mate-Jonny-Sir?”

Fuck.

It’d mostly stopped with the titles not long after the Doc fell out the airlock. If it was using them again that meant it was scared of whatever it was bringing up.

He _hated_ that it was scared of him. 

He _knew_ it was his fault that it was. He really did know.

He was the one who spent who even knew how long hurting it over and over and over. He was the one who threatened it anytime it startled him, who’d actually shot it even when it hadn’t done anything wrong just because he could.

...He still wished it wasn’t scared of him, wished he wasn’t so useless and dumb that he hadn’t realized it wasn’t a person until it’d tried comforting him over the stupid bullshit that the moon war had been. The signs had all been there before but he’d been too stupid and blind to see them. It hadn’t been until it’d given itself a fucking panick attack trying to comfort it.

(and fucking hells, as if hating himself for the way he’d treated it hadn’t been enough, a part of him had wished desperately that the fucking Kaiser was still alive purely so that he could go back and destroy the man for what’d been done to it, for what he and his men had ordered it to do).

He knew now at least. 

He _tried_ , he really did.

He knew he fucked up, he was a fuck up so of course he did. He really did try not to hurt it though. But it was still scared of him and there wasn’t anything he could do to fix that.

He could only be glad it didn’t seem to be so scared of him that it ever called him Captain even though a part of him wished it would. It wouldn’t mean what he wanted it to mean though. If it ever called him Captain, it’d be because it was too scared of him to call him First Mate, not because it trusted him to protect it.

It was smart enough not to though. It was wrong of him to want it to trust him to protect it when half the time he was the one who hurt it.

“...Yeah? What do you need, _mi urracacito?”_

“Am I not doing a good job of pretending to love you?”

Oh. Oh no.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck _fuck._

What did he tell it? He could already hear that it was close to tears.

It was _so good_ at pretending to love him. He’d selfishly taken advantage of it so much more than he had any right to. Half the time he almost believed that it might really love him underneath its disbelief in its own existence.

He couldn’t just _tell_ it that though. He knew better than to tell it it was Real. Even if it was and he was horrible, _useless, idiot,_ he could keep himself from distressing it because it couldn’t deal with the possibility of it being an actual person yet.

“You...you do a really good job of it, TS. Best damn acting job I’ve seen practically ever. I just...It hurts sometimes that even if you were Real you still couldn’t love me.”

He really really hoped that it wouldn’t get upset over him mentioning the possibility that it could be real. It was usually okay as long as he just reassured it that it not doing something was okay because it wouldn’t do it even if it was real. It was already stressed though so it might still get upset.

The fact that he could hear its clockwork rattling a little wasn’t reassuring.

“That Is Not True! All Of The Rest Of The Crew Loves You So If I- If I- If I was Real then.. Then I Would Love You Too! But For Real!”

Jonny didn’t know where to start with that. 

He was _so_ proud of it for being able to consider a world where it was real. He knew it was wrong though, there’s no way it would love him if it realized it was real.

Tim pinched him suddenly.

He yelped slightly and looked up hir.

Ze glared at him, a hard look he couldn’t decipher on hir face.

He just stared at hir confused.

TS flinched and ducked its head to press against the back of Tim’s neck. “I Am Sorry First Mate-Jonny-Sir!”

“You’re not the one who pinched me, _mi urracacito._ You don’t need to apologize for something Tim did.”

“He’s right. Please don’t apologise for something I did.”

It nodded slightly, but didn’t give any sort of verbal response.

Jonny grumbled as he settled back in against Tim.

He didn’t appreciate being pinched. He thought he got why ze had now though.

It had proven a pretty effective distraction from their conversation which Jonny assumed was hir intention. Ze could probably tell more about what it was feeling since ze was pretty much sitting in its lap.

He...he wanted to try and explain to it that it wouldn’t love him when it figured out that it was real.

He didn’t know _why_ he did. 

It was really smart; if he actually sat it down and explained all the reasons it would hate him “if” it was real then it’d realize that it did. And sure, it was so sickeningly nice and it would never admit to that as long as it didn’t think that it was real. It wasn’t as good as pretending that it didn’t feel something as it thought it was though. So when it realized it hated him then it wouldn’t be able to keep pretending it loved him.

He could do plenty to try and fix things, to try and make up for the way he’d treated it. 

There was no way he’d ever be able to earn its forgiveness _especially_ if he couldn’t stop hurting it. And he already knew that he wouldn’t be able to. If he couldn’t stop scaring it when it wanted to ask if it wasn’t pretending to love him right, even with how hard he was trying then there was no way he’d ever get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
>  _su familia_ -> Spanish, his family  
>  _su novie_ -> Spanish, his partner, based on _novio_ and _novia_ using the gender neutral ending _e_
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	23. Dangerous Conversations (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to have conversations about relationships and feeling with someone who claims they aren't a person is. very difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced past issues with not realizing TS was a person  
> \- implied/referenced abusive relationships  
> \- dehumanization?, it's TS's not Real thing  
> \- self-depreciation  
> \- mental and emotional exhaustion

The Toy Soldier was the first one to join them that evening. It had come in a few minutes after they’d finished talking, shuffling nervously in the doorway until Tim had told it to come here.

It hadn’t taken too much cajoling to convince it to curl around hir, pressing close and almost clinging to hir.

Tim just leaned back into it and held Jonny while it held hir.

There were probably a few more minutes of comfortable silence. Jonny didn’t seem to comprehend that he was loved, but he at least trusted Tim to know hir own mind. TS was obviously worried about something, but seemed to be content with the comfort wrapping around them offered it.

Of course, when it spoke that all went out the window.

“First Mate-Jonny-Sir?”

The use of titles alongside his name would have been a worrying sign on a normal day. Given how well the day had already gone, they were enough to have Tim’s heart sinking.

“...Yeah? What do you need, _mi urracacito?”_

“Am I not doing a good job of pretending to love you?”

Shit. This...was not going to end well Tim didn’t think.

“You...you do a really good job of it, TS. Best damn acting job I’ve seen practically ever. I just...It hurts sometimes that even if you were Real you still couldn’t love me.”

Tim tightened hir arms on Jonny. TS was shaking enough that ze could hear some rattling of its clockwork. Ze was right. This wasn’t going to go well.

“That Is Not True!”

Wait. What?

“All Of The Rest Of The Crew Loves You So If I- If I- If I was Real then.. Then I Would Love You Too! But For Real!”

Its arms were tense around them. Well, tense for it anyways.

It was going to have a breakdown if Jonny made it keep trying to argue. It was obvious to anyone who looked, or at least anyone other than Jonny, that it truly did love him. Its refusal to admit that it was capable of emotions meant that it wouldn’t admit that though.

Tim pinched Jonny. Hard.

He yelped slightly and looked up hir.

Ze glared at him, trying desperately to communicate that he had better not argue with it right now without actually saying anything.

He just stared at hir confused.

TS flinched and pressed its head against the back of hir neck. “I Am Sorry FIrst Mate-Jonny-Sir!”

“You’re not the one who pinched me, _mi urracacito._ You don’t need to apologize for something Tim did.”

“He’s right. Please don’t apologise for something I did.”

It nodded against hir neck, its arms tightening slightly.

Jonny grumbled as he settled back in against hir.

There were several quiet moments while Tim gently traced blueprints on Jonny’s back and the Toy Soldier’s arms.

It wasn’t as comfortable as it had been before TS had tried to reassure Jonny. They were getting there though, and hopefully the rest of the crew would show up before either of them decided to try and continue a conversation ze was rather certain would result in tears at best.

In the end it was only a few moments, Marius leading the lot of them into the room surprisingly quietly.

“Hey,” Marius called as he bounced over and shoved his feet under Tim’s leg. Like this he was still basically cuddling with them even though Ashes dropped down behind him and dragged him back against them immediately.

“We think we might have a way to keep this from turning into a bunch of fighting. Aurora said you guys are fine with it as long we can?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe keeping volume down a bit too?”

Marius nodded very seriously in response to Tim’s question.

It took maybe another minute for the rest of the crew to settle in a circleish shape completed by the screen that Aurora extended to press into Nastya’s side. Brian was sitting on Nastya’s other side, his knee pressed against hers. Raph was between Aurora’s screen and Ashes, her wings flared out to encompass them all. Ivy sprawled across the circle the rest of them formed, her feet between Brian and TS, her head in Ashes’s lap. She’s even gone as far as to spread out her arms to grab Tim and Nastya’s ankles.

There were several moments that they all just breathed. For hir part, Tim was just enjoying the closeness.

It didn’t take long for Jonny to sigh and pull back though. He turned around and slid to the side enough that he was no longer actually sitting in Tim’s lap. At least he stayed pressed against hir side.

There was a brief pause while TS fidgeted and made slight shifts like it wanted to move, before Jonny pressed his face tighter into hir shoulder.

“TS, please just hurry up and make whatever creepy adjustments you want to make. I don’t want to see them or hear them or think about them but I’m not moving anymore.”

It hesitated for a moment longer before extending its arms and twisting its torso in such a way that it was able to flop over on its side to lay its head on top of Brian’s thigh. Its right arm slid down to Jonny’s lap, keeping its hand in Tim’s.

Ze really didn’t want to think about what it must be doing to keep its left arm around hir.

There were several moments of silence with most of the crew looking away from TS pointedly as the cracks and grinding of it maneuvering itself into a particularly inhuman position faded.

“Okay.” Marius’s voice was a touch strained, but not any more than most of theirs were right after TS did something that set their teeth on edge. “So, idea to keep this from turning into a massive fight! Everyone see this?”

He held up a brightly coloured ball and waited until everyone had done something to acknowledge that they saw it.

“We’re gonna call this a Talking Ball. If you have the ball then it’s your turn to talk. If you don’t have the ball then you have to ask and wait for it before you’re allowed to respond to what someone else is saying. This way we have to actually listen to what someone has to say instead of interrupting them. You can signal that you would like the ball next by raising your hand. Aurora will use a hand emoji if she wants it. Can everyone agree to abide by these rules for the duration of this conversation?”

There was a fair bit of grumbling and a few questions to hash out before everyone agreed. Nobody put forth any actual objections though.

“Okay. Um. Jonny? Would you like to start by explaining your… concerns about the bioprogramming?”

Jonny didn’t answer for a moment. He was tense against Tim.

Ze squeezed his arm softly.

“Okay. I can do that.” He held out his hand for the ball.

He stared at it for a moment, rolling it back and forth in his hands before beginning to explain.

“I...The Doc had this fantasy when she first started out that she was gonna make the perfect family. When she. When she started the bioprogramming her goal was to make me into the perfect obedient son. It um. It never worked obviously. She didn’t change much between me and Nastya, just got rid of the parts that had made me more of a problem instead of less of one. And then she didn’t really change any of it between Nastya and Brian and it looked the same as what she used with Nastya and mostly the same as what she did with Brian when she did Tim’s. One of. One of the things she did was make it so that we’d consider any other mechanisms family right away and care about them.”

Jonny took a moment, shaky breathes fighting through the sobs that Tim could hear catching in his throat.

“It’s not a whole lot, just enough to get us to take issue with the idea of each other dying permanently. So um. Feelings that showed up later or are more than that should be real.”

He was fidgeting a lot as he trailed off.

There was a long moment of silence. Even having already heard some of it, Tim’s heart was in hir throat.

“Um. I’m done now.”

Jonny just sort of held out the ball towards Ivy. Well, probably not so much as towards Ivy as towards the center of the circle.

There was a moment where everyone just sort of stared at Jonny. Tim could see the shock and pain ze felt reflected in the rest of the crew’s eyes.

Jonny pulled away from hir, curling in on himself.

After a moment, Marius reached out and took the ball thankfully.

“Okay. Does anyone have a reply they want to make or?”

Nastya, Brian, TS, and Raph all shot their hands up.

Tim pulled Jonny back into hir side, trying to offer him some sort of comfort.

“Okay. um...Nastya, I think you asked first, so here.” Marius leaned back to hand Nastya the ball.

“Why does this matter if it only makes us start to care about each other? If it does not influence strong feelings then why is it important enough that we need to have a conversation?”

Jonny buried his face in Tim’s shoulder.

Tim swallowed the lump in hir throat.

Ivy poked at Nastya and held her hand out for the ball. There was a moment of tension before Ivy turned back towards hir and Jonny.

“Jonny?” Ivy’s voice was soft. “Do you want to take the ball and answer Nastya? If not, I’ll explain.”

Jonny didn’t answer for a moment. When his answer did come, it was rough, like he was choking back tears.

“You can.”

“Okay.”

Nastya didn’t even bother waiting for Ivy to ask for it again. She just stuck it on Ivy’s chest.

“Thanks.” The sarcasm dripping for Ivy’s voice normally would have been enough to start a fight. Right now it wasn’t even enough to make Tim smile.

“Earlier today Marius and Jonny came to talk with me. In the process of our conversation, it ended up coming out that not only had neither Marius nor I not known about that aspect of the bioprogramming, but Jonny believes that the only reason we put up with him is because of it. ...You don’t need to do it right now but everyone should tell Jonny how they feel about him in detail sometime soon.”

Jonny whined.

“Jonny?” Nastya had apparently grabbed the ball back. “Do you- do you really think I only care about you because _she_ made me?”

Jonny didn’t answer right away.

After a few moments he nodded slightly. He didn’t actually move away from Tim at all, but turned his head just enough that he could probably see Nastya.

“Wh-why else would you? Tim’s the only one I ever tried to make like me and all it- ...it doesn’t matter. The only reason you have to like me is the bioprogramming so.” He gave a brief shrug and turned his face back to hide in Tim’s neck.

Ze swallowed, hir eyes burning slightly. Ze wrap hirself around Jonny as much as possible without forcing him back into hir lap.

That he could actually think that hurt, a lot.

“That- But you-” Nastya seemed just as distressed by the revelation as Tim felt.

So did most of the crew for that matter.

A part of Tim wanted to scream at them all for making him do this. Ze knew why Marius was pushing, though. If Jonny could truly believe that not a single one of them gave a shit about him in his own right, then getting it all out together would be for the best.

Ze just wished there was some way to do this that would hurt him less.

Tim managed to catch the way Brian set his face just before he turned to Nastya and motioned for the ball.

She gave him a look Tim wasn’t quite sure how to interpret before handing it over.

“Jonny? Are you listening to me?”

Brian’s voice was doing that gentle thing where he wasn’t exactly talking to them like children, but there was nothing else to explain why it was that soft ...or at least nothing else he’d ever admitted to.

“...yeah.”

Jonny’s voice was barely audible to Tim; it was so muffled. Judging by Brian’s face, ze doubted he’d been able to hear him. Tim managed to jump in just as Brian started to open his mouth.

“He said yeah.”

Brian shut his mouth and nodded after a bit of hesitation.

“Jonny...I don’t know what you think we all think of you but I do know that not one of us would be half as okay as we are without you. You- I don’t know that I really believe you that she did the bioprogramming the same for the rest of us as she did for you...I’m uh. I can’t exactly speak for Nastya and I know that any attempts at arguing that my liking you immediately had nothing to do with her you won’t accept, but I do know that no one else took to you for a long time.”

Tim could feel Jonny starting to shake.

“I- I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know that I care about you a lot. If hearing that would help then I’m happy to tell you every time I see you. ...I don’t...I tend not to say anything about my feelings because it’s hard for me to sort through them sometimes and I don’t know how to put it all into words...even if I don’t ignore the fact that I know languages even Ivy doesn’t recognize. I do…”

Brian trailed off with this somewhat haunted look and just a hint of glow to his eyes. Tim could see as the others recognized what was happening.

Before anyone could move to catch him, Brian shook himself out of whatever vision was impending and refocused his eyes on the back of Jonny’s head.

“I- I _Know_ I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and just never had the guts to say it. I kept my mouth shut and never tried suggesting or asking for anything from you because for some reason I got it in my head that you had no interest in anything except sex from anyone except Nastya and, well, she’s your sister. Of course she gets to actually matter to you.”

Brian took a shaking breath at the same time Tim felt Jonny shift slightly and turn his head so he could actually see Brian.

“You uh. You have this thing you do when you’re half strung out on sleep deprivation and not really paying attention. You’re constantly humming but when you’re tired enough you start singing under your breath instead and I don’t think I’ve ever recognized a single one of the songs. ...You make a point to show up at the bridge when you know that I’m there and no one else is planning to be there. You-you’ve always done that.”

Tim nearly jolted when ze processed that Brian was actually crying. Ze managed not to jostle Jonny or TS, at least, so there was that.

“You have this little half smile that you always hide and it’s so different from the one you flash and I wish you’d smile like that more because it looks so good on you. You practically glow when you get to fight and it’s kinda terrifying how much I like your stupid cackle and I just-”

Brian’s voice broke on a wet sob. One of Nastya’s hands was curled around his shoulder, gently rubbing it. He tipped his head back as he pulled his breathing back under control. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, blinking back tears as he started talking again.

Jonny pulled away from Tim, turning to look at Brian properly. He was tense, and a little shaky; Tim was pretty sure he was holding himself together enough to not break down if ze and TS let him go though.

“The uh. The moment I realized I loved you was actually during a vision. It um. It didn’t have that feel of things that had already happened and it. It was bad. I...really don’t want to remember enough of it to try and tell you about it but. Um. you were hurt. Bad. and there was this moment where I was separate enough to recognize that it was a vision and I remember thinking that I loved you too much to let it happen.”

“Br-brian?”

Jonny’s voice was soft, Tim knew that. In the silence after Brian finished speaking it sounded as loud as a canon though.

Brain jolted.

He tipped his head back down to look at Jonny and started to open his mouth.

Jonny beat him to it though. “Do you...want a hug?”

He squeezed Tim’s knee as he asked, glancing back to meet hir eyes for a brief second.

“I- I- ...yeah. That’d be nice.”

Tim would never understand how Jonny could figure out how to throw himself across a room from any position without hitting anyone in between. Somehow, though, he managed to throw himself in Brian’s lap and wrap his arms around his neck, holding him tightly, without anything to indicate he’d so much as touched Ivy.

Brian folded himself around Jonny immediately and started crying properly.

Tim could hear Jonny humming softly as he reached a hand up to pet Brian’s hair. Brian would be okay, at least. With any luck, so would Jonny.

Ze looked away, trying to give them a bit of privacy.

Nastya still looked devastated and Aurora was pressing her screen into her side. She’d extended a couple of wires down to tangle in Nastya’s hand and pet her hair.

Raph was curled up tightly and her wings had knit together over their heads. She didn’t look like she was doing much better than Nastya to be honest. Ashes already had a hand on her elbow, though, and was talking to her quietly even as they held Marius close to them.

Ze should probably let them handle it. Even if Ashes was struggling, Ivy was watching Raph worredily and Marius kept glancing over to her. The two of them would take over for Ashes if they couldn’t calm Raph down.

TS was still curled around Tim and Ivy both, though it had shifted away from Brian. Given some of the conversations ze’d had with it over the years, ze figured it was trying to give him and Jonny space. Coaxing it a little closer to hirself so that ze could tangle a hand with its was easier than ze expected.

It sucked, and Tim still felt too close to tears to try and rassure anyone successfully. Ze did have hope that they’d manage to figure things out eventually though. So at least there was that.

* * *

They sort of ended up splitting off after that. Marius had tried to call them all back into a discussion but Tim hadn’t had the energy to deal with going round and round with this until everyone had said their piece to everyone else.

Ze still hadn’t been expecting to suggest that they just break off into smaller groups and discuss individual relationships though. ...or for it to have gone over as well as it had.

Marius had made them wait to check that no one had anything that they needed or wanted to share with everyone. If there was anything, no one was admitting to it so they’d just sort of broken apart from there.

Nastya had grabbed Jonny and pulled him into a pile on the edge of the nest away from the rest of them. Ashes had let go of Marius and after a moment of speaking with Raph he’d pulled away to grab at Brian. Ivy hadn’t really moved, but Aurora put up her screen so Tim assumed they were talking.

Ze had just started to do a runthrough, trying to figure out who ze needed to talk to and who would probably be best to talk to at a later date, when TS shifted and started to pull away from hir.

Tim flopped down and turned to sprawl on top of it.

“Nope. You’re included in this conversation, dear. You can ask to wait if you need to, but we’re talking.”

It froze.

Ze didn’t bother pressing, just laid hir head on its chest and hummed softly.

After a few moments it began to unwind. There were unsettling cracks and grinds as it adjusted to lay under hir and wrap its arms around hir waist.

Ze felt its lips drag slightly as it pressed a kiss to hir hair.

“I don’t understand why.”

Ze frowned.

Tim _knew_ that it didn’t think it was real, that it thought it needed to just obey and wasn’t allowed to want or even need anything. That didn’t do anything to keep it from hurting when TS reminded hir. ...If ze was honest, it actually made it more painful.

Ze also knew for a fact that there’d been discussions about how it had to pretend that it was a person with wants and needs as best it could if it wanted to do anything with any of them though. Jonny had been a half panicked, stressed out mess for weeks leading up to those conversations because apparently Tim was the only one who hadn’t thought that TS was just. a clockwork automaton with pretty advanced programming.

Tim still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened that made Jonny realize that TS was a person, whatever it was had shaken him a lot though. Ze had no clue how ze had been able to watch him make so many changes in how he treated it, go so far out of his way to try and give it space to be a person, even threaten _Nastya_ over treating it like it wasn’t a person, and still didn’t realize that Jonny wouldn’t have handed him over to Carmilla.

Regardless, Tim had been there when Jonny had stumbled through trying to explain that he couldn’t let it even kiss him until it could pretend to be a person well enough that he could believe it when it said it wanted to. Ze’d been on the receiving end of a fair number of stressed out rants about how it was “so stupidly fucking cute” and how much Jonny wanted to make it come apart under his hands, but couldn’t because it wouldn’t tell him to stop if it wanted him to and he couldn’t risk hurting it like that.

So ze _knew_ that it knew it had to play along with being a person in order to be in any relationships, so it should understand why it had to stay.

“I...don’t follow. Why wouldn’t you be involved in this conversation, dear?”

It stiffened under hir and shook slightly.

Ze tried to be patient. It felt like it was taking hours for it to answer though. So ze propped hirself up some to look at it.

It immediately averted its eyes.

Ze cradled its face in one hand. “TS…”

“I Am Not A Person.” Its voice shook. How it managed to capitalize every letter without talking much above a whisper, ze would never understand.

“...All Of You Are And You Are Discussing Your Relationships So You Do Not Need Me To Pretend Anymore. So I Should Go So I Do Not Get In The Way.” It was definitely on the verge of tears.

...Fuck it. Tim would worry about how ze was going to argue that later.

Ze tilted its face toward hir own and kissed it.

Ze traced its wooden lips until it softened them enough that ze could lick into its mouth and map hir way around it. Ze shifted so that ze was straddling it and could cup its face in both hir hands as ze tried to pour hir feelings into the kiss. If it didn’t work with Jonny who at least recognized that he was a person, ze doubted it’d work with TS, but ze had to at least try.

Its hands clutched at the back of hir shirt and it pressed close, like it was terrified of hir leaving. A few small whines made their way out of its throat before ze had to pull back to breath.

It didn’t look away fast enough to stop hir from catching the fear and desperation in its eyes.

Hir heart ached. It seriously thought that they were going to throw it away just because they were trying to actually communicate beyond the bare necessity to avoid giving someone a panic attack.

Ze leaned down to press hir forehead against its. For a moment he just breathed, thumbs tracing around its eyes.

It was absolutely a person, there was no difference in its qualifications for personhood than Aurora’s - in fact, given that it had a humanoid body it was more likely to be considered a person than her.

Why it struggled with the concept so much ze didn’t know and wasn’t sure ze wanted to know.

Actually. That might be a good point to make. Even if it saw some distinction between her and it, none of the rest of them could.

“I know you don’t like to think about it, but could you explain why you aren’t a person to me, dear? Specifically what Aurora has that lets her be a person, that you don’t.”

It tensed up again and its eyes started darting around.

His heart sank. It obviously wasn’t able to deal with such a question yet. Ze pecked its lips and thankfully that seemed to shake it out of its thoughts enough to stop the impending distress.

“It’s okay if you can’t. It’s just...none of the rest of us can see any difference. The only differences we can see in what the two of you are are physical differences and if that was part of being a person you’d be the one who was real not Aurora.”

Tim could see it tensing and getting ready to argue with hir so ze rushed to soothe it. “We certainly can’t tell you anything about yourself so we have to trust you if you say you.” Ze swallowed.

“We have to trust you if you say you aren’t real, but we _can’t_ tell the difference. To us you’re just as real as Aurora. I- I know that Jonny’s talked to you about what you can call a want or a need or- or say that you don’t like. I’ve ended up on the receiving end of his rants about those conversations enough to know that they’ve happened. You’ve listened to a lot of what he’s told you from what I can tell - even if he’s scared you’re only listening because you think they’re orders. And it helps us, but it also makes it even harder for us to tell the difference between you and Aurora.”

It was fisting its hands in the back of his shirt now. It was very pointedly not looking at hir, but it still seemed to be listening.

“I- My point is that it hurts us to try and think about you as just a thing when you play the part of a person so well. - Don’t you _dare_ try to suggest that you can just stop. If you _want_ to stop pretending to be a person then we’ll deal but we do actually like you and want you to stay even if sometimes it means we have to deal with the stress of you not being real. We want you involved in this conversation because we want our relationships with you to be an actual relationship… we have to talk to you for that to happen though.”

Tears were welling up in its eyes and dripping down its face, smearing the temporary paints. It was shaking slightly and clinging to him, but seemed to be thinking through it at least.

Ze kissed it gently. “Can you tell me what I said once you’ve finished processing it, please.”

It nodded, “You Asked Me To Please Explain What Made Me Not Real Even Though Commander-Aurora-”

He covered its mouth with his own before it could continue anymore. Ze gently squeezed its arm as he pulled back. “You don’t need to go that far back, dear. I… I want to hear what you understood my words as after you’re done processing them.”

He gave it a sheepish grin. “I know I explain shit weirdly sometimes even if you’re really good and figuring out what I mean. Making sure you understand what I’m trying to say is important though so I want you to tell me what it sounded like I was trying to say, that way I can try again with anything that I didn’t phrase well.”

It nodded before whispering, “okay. I- I can do that. Um. You. You can’t tell the difference between me and Aurora so you only know I’m not Real because people told you. Because I- because I’m so good at pretending to be a person it’s even harder for you to tell that I’m not Real so you want to talk to me about relationships the same as you would want to talk to a Real Person.”

It wasn’t looking at him when it finished.

He sighed. It got the jist of his point at least. It just refused to apply it to anyone other than hir or accept its own role in them not calling it a person.

“I’ve had enough conversations with the rest of the crew to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with the idea that you aren’t real. And I’m pretty sure you’re the only “person” who’s ever told me you aren’t real; you’re definitely the only “person” I considered believing.” He made sure to use air quotes around person so it wouldn’t try to argue with him based on that fact.

It frowned and finally looked back at him.

“That doesn’t make any sense. None of you even considered the possibility that I might be a person until- until-”

“Until you and Jonny got in that big fight over it?”

It nodded.

Tim sighed. He cupped its face and pressed their foreheads together again.

“I don’t know why no one else thought you might be a person before then, you’d have to ask them about it. I do know that whatever happened part of why Jonny got in a fight with you over it was because he was upset over how often he’d hurt you.”

How did he explain that it’d never even crossed his mind that it might not be a person until it’d gotten in that fight with Jonny over it?

“I actually thought everyone else were just a huge assholes until then. When you said you weren’t real then was the first time I’d ever heard that so much as suggested. Thought you were a person same as Brian just wooden instead of metal until then.”

“Oh.”

It didn’t seem to know what to do with that information so he decided to just let it process for a bit. He lay back down on top of it and tucked his head into its neck again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this conversation has turned into considerably more than I planned for it to be, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I _might_ have the last bits drafted by the end of the week though so, there's that.
> 
> Translations:  
>  _mi urracacito_ -> Spanish: term of endearment meaning "my [little] magpie", thanks to Juan_Pujol_Garcia for the suggestion.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	24. It Doesn't Make Sense (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Nastya get a chance to say their piece. Jonny might trust them to not lie about this, but that doesn't mean he can comprehend it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- self-depreciation  
> \- mental and emotional exhaustion  
> \- cognitive dissonance  
> \- references to Carmilla's A+ parenting

Jonny was startled out of his thoughts by the rest of the crew’s arrival.

It was probably a good thing considering he was debating whether or not to push the fact that he’d hurt TS a lot.

He still wasn’t expecting it though.

No one demanded his attention immediately though so there was that.

“Hey.”

Marius was speaking quieter than normal. Was something wrong?

“We think we might have a way to keep this from turning into a bunch of fighting. Aurora said you guys are fine with it as long we can?”

“Yeah.” Jonny’d agreed to do this after all. He couldn’t back out now.

“Maybe keeping volume down a bit too?”

Oh. That was. Really nice of Tim. Jonny didn’t want to deal with a lot of noise, but he didn’t expect anyone to care.

He could hear movement around them as the rest of the crew settled in. ...He’d have to get out of Tim’s lap for this wouldn’t he?

Goddamnit.

He _really_ didn’t want to.

Jonny sighed and pulled away so he could get out of Tim’s lap. Ze didn’t actually let go of him so he didn’t think it was a problem that he stayed pressed tight against hir side.

He went ahead and swept his eyes around the not exactly a circle that his crew had formed. Marius had shoved his feet under Tim’s leg on hir other side which explained the motion he’d felt.

Ashes had an arm around Marius, holding him against their chest. Their other arm was stretched out slightly towards Raph. She had her wings spread up and out so that they formed a canopy and was leaning against Aurora’s screen opposite Nastya. Nastya was pressed into the part of her girlfriend that she could reach, of course.

Brian was on her other side with Ivy’s feet between him and Jonny. Ivy had apparently decided to sprawl across the circle so she could touch as many of them as possible. Her head was in Ashes’s lap and pressed against Marius’s side, one of her hands was moving so that she settled it between his and Tim’s legs now, the other was wrapped around Nastya’s ankle.

TS was still behind Tim with its arms wrapped around both of them and was fidgeting. It probably also wanted to move. If it didn’t want to go sit someplace else, it would just keep fidgeting because he’d fucked up and called it creepy for doing stuff that _should not_ be physically capable.

And he _knew_ that it wasn’t human but didn’t stop it from being creepy as fuck and making him naseous when it did stuff like spin its torso around in front of him. He shouldn’t have told it that that was why he he hated it doing stuff like that though because now it wouldn’t do things because it was scared it was gonna upset him.

He turned his face into Tim’s shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut tight.

“TS, please just hurry up and make whatever creepy adjustments you want to make. I don’t want to see them or hear them or think about them but I’m not moving anymore.”

There was a brief pause before he heard the cracks of its wood and the grinding of its clockwork as it contorted itself in some inhuman manner that Jonny wasn’t going to think about lest he make himself sick.

However it positioned itself, he could feel the heavy weight of it against his back and its hand tangled with Tim’s in his lap.

“Okay.” Marius’s voice was a touch strained. “So, idea to keep this from turning into a massive fight! Everyone see this?”

Jonny opened his eyes to see him holding up a brightly coloured ball. He didn’t continue until everyone had acknowledged that they saw it.

“We’re gonna call this a Talking Ball. If you have the ball then it’s your turn to talk. If you don’t have the ball then you have to ask and wait for it before you’re allowed to respond to what someone else is saying.”

This sounded horrifically childish...Jonny hated how much he knew it might actually work.

“This way we have to actually listen to what someone has to say instead of interrupting them. You can signal that you would like the ball next by raising your hand. Aurora will use a hand emoji if she wants it. Can everyone agree to abide by these rules for the duration of this conversation?”

There was a fair bit of grumbling and a few questions thrown out before everyone agreed to Marius’s plan.

“Okay. Um. Jonny? Would you like to start by explaining your...concerns about the bioprogramming?”

He _really_ didn’t want to. ...They deserved to know though and he couldn’t keep this from them just because he didn’t want to hear how much they all hated him.

No. They didn’t all hate him. Ashes and Marius and Tim _all_ loved him. He. He could trust them. And Ivy cared about him. They wouldn’t lie to him about that.

He swallowed and held out his hand for the ball. “Okay. I can do that.”

He pulled it close to him and tossed the ball back and forth for a few moments trying to gather his thoughts to explain. It was so stupid that talking to his crew was harder than talking to one person or to an audience.

“I...The Doc had this fantasy when she first started out that she was gonna make the perfect family.” He’d believed that she actually wanted it for so long. He didn’t know if he still believed she had or not. “When she. When she started the bioprogramming her goal was to make me into the perfect obedient son. It um. It never worked obviously.” He was too _useless, broken, idiot_ for him to be good even when she literally went into his head and rearranged it so he’d be good.

“She didn’t change much between me and Nastya, just got rid of the parts that had made me more of a problem instead of less of one. And then she didn’t really change any of it between Nastya and Brian and it looked the same as what she used with Nastya and mostly the same as what she did with Brian when she did Tim’s. One of. One of the things she did was make it so that we’d consider any other mechanisms family right away and care about them.”

Jonny took a moment to breathe. There was a lump in his throat and his eyes were burning so if he didn’t he’d probably start crying and then everything would go to hell in a handbasket.

He knew better than to cry. Good boys didn’t cry, but he wasn’t a good boy, she’d never managed that no matter how much she tried.

They hadn’t gotten mad when he cried earlier. None of them ever got mad when Marius or Brian cried.

That didn’t mean they’d be okay with it if he started crying. He’d just make this take longer and they’d all hate him more so he had to stop so he wouldn’t cry.

“It’s not a whole lot, just enough to get us to take issue with the idea of each other dying permanently. So um. Feelings that showed up later or are more than that should be real.”

He knew he was fidgeting a lot as he trailed off.

_Stop fidgeting! Keep your hands to yourself before you catch the sheriff's attention, idioco._

There were several moments of silence.

“Um. I’m done now.”

Jonny held out the ball towards the center of the circle, hoping that someone would take it. They just stared at him.

He couldn’t help pulling his knees up some. He wanted to hide even though he knew that’d only make it worse and they’d be mad at him.

After a moment, Marius reached out and took the ball thankfully.

“Okay. Does anyone have a reply they want to make or?”

Several hands shot up.

“Okay. um...Nastya, I think you asked first so here.” Marius leaned back to hand Nastya the ball.

“Why does this matter if it only makes us start to care about each other? If it does not influence strong feelings then why is it important enough that we need to have a conversation?”

Jonny buried his face in Tim’s shoulder.

He really didn’t want to try explaining how Marius was convinced that all of them liked him even though there was no reason for them to.

He couldn’t throw Marius under the bus like that and if he called Marius out then they’d have to choose between lying to him and hurting Marius and he didn’t- he didn’t want any of them to have to do that.

“Jonny?” Ivy’s voice cut through his thoughts before he could get anywhere. “Do you want to take the ball and answer Nastya? If not, I’ll explain.”

...Ivy probably wouldn’t throw Marius under the bus. She wouldn’t risk him getting hurt like that if she didn’t have to. So she’d find some way to explain Marius’s delusion without making anyone choose between lying to him and hurting Marius.

“You can.”

“Okay.” There was a pause before her voice came again, this time extremely sardonic. “Thanks.”

He assumed Nastya had been a bitch about giving her the ball.

“Earlier today Marius and Jonny came to talk with me. In the process of our conversation, it ended up coming out that not only had neither Marius nor I not known about that aspect of the bioprogramming, but Jonny believes that the only reason we put up with him is because of it. ...You don’t need to do it right now but everyone should tell Jonny how they feel about him in detail sometime soon.”

Jonny whined.

“Jonny? Do you- do you really think I only care about you because _she_ made me?”

Jonny didn’t answer right away.

Nastya sounded upset. Like.

Like it hurt her that he didn’t expect her to like him even though she didn’t have any reason to.

Hell! If anything she had reason to hate him with how often he hurt Aurora!

He nodded, hesitant. He didn’t want to upset her more, but she’d be _really_ mad if he lied about something like this. She _always_ got mad at him when he tried to claim his feelings were different than they were - especially when they had to do with her.

He stayed pressed close to Tim, but turned his head enough that he could see her out of the corner of his eye.

“Wh-why else would you? Tim’s the only one I ever tried to make like me and all it- ...it doesn’t matter. The only reason you have to like me is the bioprogramming so.” He gave a brief shrug and turned his face back to hide in Tim’s neck.

“That- But you-” Nastya sounded even more upset now.

Of course he’d just made it worse.

There was a moment that it felt like everything froze before Brian spoke.

“Jonny? Are you listening to me?”

Brian’s voice was so soft. He kinda wanted to look at Brian if it just meant that he keep talking to him like that. He knew better than to look though.

Even if Brian was nice and didn’t usually try and make him do eye contact, _everyone_ got mad when they were talking to you about important stuff and you wouldn’t maintain eye contact. At least if he kept his face hidden then they’d think he couldn’t bear the shame instead of getting mad at him.

“...yeah.”

He knew his voice was too quiet. He really did. It just...was very hard to speak up all of a sudden. He just hoped that Brian had his hearing turned up enough to hear him.

“He said yeah.”

Or Tim could tell him. He supposed that worked too.

There was another pause that he guessed Brian was trying to decide if he believed Tim.

“Jonny...I don’t know what you think we all think of you but I do know that not one of us would be half as okay as we are without you. You- I don’t know that I really believe you that she did the bioprogramming the same for the rest of us as she did for you...I’m uh. I can’t exactly speak for Nastya and I know that any attempts at arguing that my liking you immediately you won’t accept, but I do know that no one else took to you for a long time.”

He was pretty sure he was shaking. There was another lump in his throat and his eyes were burning a lot.

Just because the others resisted it for longer didn’t mean that the bioprogramming wasn’t why they put up with him.

“I- I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know that I care about you a lot. If hearing that would help then I’m happy to tell you every time I see you.”

He _wanted_ to hear it.

He couldn’t ask Brian to do that for him though. Even if Brian some how really did care about him.

“...I don’t...I tend not to say anything about my feelings because it’s hard for me to sort through them sometimes and I don’t know how to put it all into words...even if I ignore the fact that I know languages even Ivy doesn’t recognize. I do…”

That odd sort of staticky feel that Brian got sometimes, and TS just seemed to _have,_ suddenly increased for a couple seconds.

“I- I _Know_ I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and just never had the guts to say it. I kept my mouth shut and never tried suggesting or asking for anything from you because for some reason I got it in my head that you had no interest in anything except sex from anyone except Nastya and, well, she’s your sister. Of course she gets to actually matter to you.”

What?

Jonny had to be hearing wrong. There was no way Brian loved him. There _definitely_ was no way that Brian _Saw_ that he loved him.

He pulled away from Tim enough to look at Brian.

“You uh. You have this thing you do when you’re half strung out on sleep deprivation and not really paying attention. You’re constantly humming but when you’re tired enough you start singing under your breath instead and I don’t think I’ve ever recognized a single one of the songs. ...You make a point to show up at the bridge when you know that I’m there and no one else is planning to be there. You-you’ve always done that.”

Brian was actually crying.

Somehow Jonny had fucked up enough to make Brian cry and there was no way he could fix it and Brian was _crying_.

“You have this little half smile that you always hide and it’s so different from the one you flash and I wish you’d smile like that more because it looks so good on you. You practically glow when you get to fight and it’s kinda terrifying how much I like your stupid cackle and I just-”

Brian’s voice broke off with a wet sob. He tipped his head back as he struggled to get his breathing back under control. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, blinking back tears as he started talking again so he must not have seen Jonny pulling away from Tim enough that he could see Brian properly.

“The uh. The moment I realized I loved you was actually during a vision. It um. It didn’t have that feel of things that had already happened and it. It was bad. I...really don’t want to remember enough of it to try and tell you about it but. Um. you were hurt. Bad. and there was this moment where I was separate enough to recognize that it was a vision and I remember thinking that I loved you too much to let it happen.”

“Br-brian?”

His voice was soft. He knew it was, raising it was too difficult. In the silence after Brian finished speaking it sounded like it should echo though.

Brain jolted.

He tipped his head back down to look at Jonny and started to open his mouth.

Jonny jumped in before he could say anything. “Do you...want a hug?”

He squeezed Tim’s knee as he asked, glancing back to meet hir eyes for a brief second.

Tim gave him a smile and nudged his back as he spoke so he was pretty sure ze wouldn’t mind him going to comfort Brian.

“I- I- ...yeah. That’d be nice.”

Jonny pushed himself up and jumped over Ivy’s legs quickly so that he could wrap his arms around Brian. He didn’t bother debating whether or not Brian would be mad at him for climbing into his lap without permission. He’d said he wanted a hug and was crying so he’d appreciate the weight.

Jonny _knew_ he would. Brain had told him so when he was newly mechanized and Jonny was still figuring out how to help him.

Brain curled around him, pulled him close, and buried his face in his hair as soon as Jonny was in his lap. He was shaking with sobs almost before his face was hidden.

Jonny reached up and started petting his hair. It took longer than it probably should have for him to realize that he was humming.

He pressed himself closer to Brian and ran his fingers through his hair and down his neck. Brian was crying which wasn’t good but he accepted Jonny’s offer of a hug so he wasn’t having a breakdown yet.

As long as Jonny could calm him down he’d be alright.

Jonny was already sitting in his lap and Brian’s grip on him was tight enough that he could follow Jonny’s breathing if he needed to. Brian liked having his hair played with and apparently liked when Jonny sang in Spanish?

He assumed that’s what Brian meant about liking how Jonny sang under his breath when he wasn’t thinking straight so he probably liked the Spanish songs. Jonny knew he had a tendency to give up on English when he was tired, most of the songs Jonny knew that weren’t their songs were in Spanish so it made sense.

Brian said he _liked_ it when Jonny sang- Jonny wasn’t going to think about that right now.

He was helping Brian. He couldn’t risk sending himself into a spiral. He was the Captain and his crew needed him to take care of them so he _couldn’t_ freak out about half of them apparently loving him for some godforsaken reason. He couldn’t let them down like that.

He- He would think about it later. After he was sure that they’d all be alright.

Jonny let himself risk pressing a kiss to Brian’s collar.

It was soft, Jonny hadn’t tried changing the bioprogramming until Brian was mostly put together so he knew that it was too light for Brian’s sensors to pick up on - or at least that it was before Raphaella and Marius had arrived.

He supposed that Raph might have upgraded Brian’s sensors. Somehow Brian always knew when he was being touched when he was this close to a breakdown though. So it wasn’t like it’d make a difference if she had. Either way Brian would know.

He...wasn’t sure how long he spent curled up in Brian’s lap, humming to him and letting him calm himself. It was a while though. When Brian finally uncurled and loosened his grip enough that Jonny could move, his legs were a bit numb.

He glanced back at Tim, worried ze might be upset with him if he stayed with Brian. He was pretty sure Brian needed him more than ze did though and while he could fix that if someone else would trade him spots, he’d have to ask and Brian would get upset if he asked him to let him go and-

No. No.

He was sending himself into a spiral. Tim was nice and good and ze wouldn’t be upset with him for staying with Brian when Brian needed to hold someone. If ze wanted him back then ze’d just come make Brian hold them both.

He. He could trust Tim not to get mad at him for taking care of Brian.

He _could._

Jonny pulled away from Brian enough to turn around before pressing back against his chest and tugging his arms tight around him.

Brian pulled him close and pressed his head into the top of Jonny’s for a long moment, still shaking slightly.

Tim caught his eye and mouthed a question while Brian was distracted. “He okay?”

Jonny grimaced. Brian would be okay. He really wasn’t right now though.

He jumped when Brian suddenly pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you.” Brian’s voice was soft enough that he didn’t think anyone else had heard him. He pulled back and rested his chin on top of Jonny’s head.

“You okay if we keep trying to talk, Brian?”

Marius’s voice was gentle. He at least did recognize that Brian wasn’t doing okay so Jonny supposed he couldn’t be too mad at Marius for wanting to keep having his conversation now instead of trying to convince everyone to do this again.

“...Yeah. I… I might need to take a break at some point. I think I’m okay to keep talking now though.”

“Okay, um. So Jonny said his piece-”

“Can we do this in smaller groups? This is exhausting and most of these conversations don’t even need to have all of us involved in them so can we just. Not hash everything out as a big group?”

Tim _sounded_ about as exhausted as Jonny felt. Ze didn’t look it, of course. Somehow ze always managed to look beautiful no matter the circumstances. Jonny’d be pissed off if he didn’t enjoy it so much.

Everyone else was nodding.

“Okay, um. We can do that. ...Probably will be less exhausting. We. We have to actually do this though. We have to actually talk about our relationships or- or nothing will get better and we’ll just destroy each other. And I- I really don’t want that...and I don’t think any of you want that so I- I need you all to do this even if you don’t think it’s actually important. O-okay?”

The chorus of okays seemed to reassure him some so Jonny could admit that even if it _was_ kinda mean of Marius to push it by using his feelings, it made sense. Marius made sure that all of them knew that it was important to him that they at least try so that they could decide if it was more important to them to not do this or to take care of Marius.

“Um. Is there anything else anyone thinks we should talk about as a group first?”

There were several moments of silence.

“I think we can count that as a no and have our own individual conversations.” Ashes cut in before Marius could continue stumbling through this.

Jonny had to swallow a grin at the way Marius relaxed into Ashes as soon as they took over.

He met Marius’s eyes for a split second before dropping his own and smiling at him. He got a weak smile in return.

He startled when his vision was suddenly obscured by Nastya crouching in front of him.

“Jonny?” She held out her hands to him as she asked, “can we please talk?”

He hesitated. He didn’t want to leave Brian like this, he knew that Nastya wanted to pull him away for a private conversation though.

Brian must have noticed because he squeezed Jonny’s arm. “Go ahead, I’ll make Marius come cuddle me so you two can talk in private.”

Jonny nodded.

Marius would happily spend the rest of the day in Brian’s lap if Brian needed him to. Hell, he’d be happy to if Brian just let him.

Marius was talking to Raph though - Ashes was holding her hand so they’d probably steal her.

It was fine. It was fine. Brian- Brain would ask someone to let him hold them if Jonny went and took care of Nastya and- and Nastya knew that Brian wasn’t really okay. She wouldn’t be mad at him if he had to go and help Brian.

...She probably wouldn’t be mad at him.

He twisted to press a quick kiss to Brian’s cheek before he let Nastya pull him away from everyone else.

Instead of sitting down next to him she actually pulled him down so that they fell into a tangled pile in the corner of Marius’s nest-thing though.

He pulled back to blink at her in confusion.

She gave him a weak smile.

“You like...cuddling. I can put up with it for a little while at least.” She pulled the same disgusted face over cuddling that he did. Even if it was _technically_ correct, neither of them had ever liked the word.

He opened his mouth to argue. He _knew_ she didn’t like that much touching. There wasn’t any reason for her to put up with it just because he liked wrapping himself around her.

She cut him off though.

“I know that it is unnecessary, брат. ...I would feel better if I could do something for you while we are talking.”

Nastya wasn’t going to bend. Not if she was calling him...whatever _braht_ meant. She might not have started calling him that until after the Doc died, but she still never explained what it meant.

He slumped and pressed his face into her shoulder.

He knew he shouldn’t take advantage, but Nastya didn’t _do_ touching...and he really wanted to cuddle _su hermosita._ He could feel bad about it later since he was sure she was uncomfortable with it.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly and tangled their legs together.

“...Marius is laying on top of Brian so you can stop worrying about him.”

“Thanks,” he whispered.

Nastya was a good person even if she had trouble with some things. That wasn’t her fault though. She’d told him about how weird it was to get to make choices about her own body before. He was pretty sure it was a good sign that she at least understood that bodily autonomy was a thing that existed.

(He supposed that was one good thing about the Doc. At least she’d gone out of her way to make sure Nastya knew that she was allowed to make choices. For all her faults, she’d at least tried to give Nastya the space to make decisions. He didn’t think she’d had any success. Not when she took such _joy_ in picking out outfits for them. But she had tried).

“Jonny...why do you think I only care about you because she made me?”

His chest hurt. Nastya sounded so lost.

“Why else would you? I- I know I act like an idiot most of the time, but I’m not too dumb to realize I’m a- a problem. I make you put up with being touched and talk too loud and too much and I helped her hurt you over and over and-”

“It is not your fault.”

He shut his mouth.

What?

Of course it was his fault. If he could just try a little harder, be a little less useless then he wouldn’t be a nuisance.

“You were the first person to ask permission to touch me, ever. You are...a lot for me to deal with most days, true, but Ivy is the only organical person I have met who is not.”

“That- that doesn’t make it okay though!? You- you shouldn’t have to put up with-”

Nastya squeezed him tightly.

“I know,” she said softly. She swallowed. “I would not tolerate you if I wanted you gone. I- ...ты мой брат. You may annoy me but I...I do not enjoy it, but I would not like it if you stopped? That does not make sense. Um. I- Do I not annoy you at times?”

He could feel her shaking slightly. She wouldn’t want him to keep touching her, but she didn’t let him go when he tried to pull back so she didn’t have to.

“I- yes? That’s different though. You’re supposed to annoy me.”

“How is that different?”

He could feel himself blushing.

“It. Um. I kinda think of you as a little sister.”

“I still do not understand.”

“You… Fuck. um. Ignoring the part where I’m obviously not actually your brother, as my little sister it’s kinda your job to annoy me?”

He felt her go stiff.

“Jonny...do you? Do you not know what брат means?”

“No? I mean. I know you call me that when you’re annoyed at me so it’s probably some sort of insult or-”

“It means brother.”

Jonny blinked.

What???

“I- You _are_ my brother...more so than the brother my parents gave me was. I...would not like it if you stopped annoying me because you would not be you if you did...and I happen to having an older brother so I do not want mine to disappear even if the man who replaced him did not irritate me.”

She said it so matter of fact. Like it was as simple a truth as her loving Aurora or TS following orders.

He didn’t understand how she could think of him as an older brother, let alone one she wanted to keep.

“I helped her hurt you though? I’ve hurt you myself! I- I hurt Aurora all the time even though I know better now and-”

“You do not mean to.”

He shut his mouth.

What?

Why would it matter if he meant to or not? And how would Nastya know that?

“You- you have not ever hurt me simply because you could. I- I believe that you have hurt me because you wanted to, yes, but not- I do not believe that you have ever wished to hurt me when I did not start it. You...put too much effort into making I am okay for me to believe that. ...You stopped doing shit like shooting Aurora just because you could after she told you it hurt. You usually only shoot her when you are upset and lashing out. It is...not preferable, but neither of us are...neither of us blame you for it.”

How could they not?

“You only shoot her when you would shoot Tim. Or- or any of the rest of us. She can take it so you can shoot her to express your irritation with her. And- and when you are not upset with her and still shoot her it… I know you do not appreciate discussing it, but it seems like you are not in control of your own actions sometimes. Neither of us blame you for actions you do not choose.”

He blinked for a moment. Opened his mouth to argue, and immediately got pinched.

“If you are going to try to insist we should then you can just shut up. ...I love you. A lot more than I am...comfortable considering. I enjoy spending time with you even if you annoy me more often than not. ...I do not want you to leave. I would...I do not believe I would be half as okay as I am if you had not been willing to be my elder brother the moment Carmilla brought me on board.”

He buried his face in Nastya's shoulder again. He was pretty sure he was shaking. His eyes burned and it was kinda hard to breathe.

It just didn't make _sense._

Why would Nastya not blame him? Why wouldn't Aurora?

It was obvious that it was his fault. If he wasn't somehow choosing to do it then _she_ would have been able to fix him, to make it so he didn't do shit like that just because it was too much.

She had gone out of her way to avoid mechanizing him as long as possible for that exact reason!

She made sure he was an adult before she actually mechanized him, that way he could control himself. And then when he still couldn't she tried to fix him. But she couldn't so he must be doing it on purpose.

He _was_ an adult. He shouldn't throw a fit and kill people and damage things over stupid stuff like someone scrapping a dish. He should be able to handle it. And she made sure to fix it so he could. So it had to be his fault that he did it.

"Jonny…"

Oh. He was thinking out loud again wasn't he?

"I… Is it my fault if I stab someone when they won't stop touching me?"

"What? No! Of course not! You shouldn't even need to tell someone to stop touching you!"

"But I don't like it when people touch me at all though. She couldn't fix that anymore than she could make you stop lashing out when it's too loud."

"That's not. It's different."

"How?"

"It- it just is. ...you don't attack people for doing things you do."

"You also have attacked people considerably less since her accident. Normally you start getting irritated and then leave."

"That's not-"

"How is it different? ...It seems like everything is too loud for you sometimes and you shoot whoever is making noise if you cannot find quiet. ...I am not stupid. I know that you regularly stayed in areas she could reach you so that the rest of us would be safer."

"I- That doesn't- It's just different, okay."

 _"How_ is it different? So far the only difference you have presented is that I am the one struggling not you… You do not get to tell me I do not even care about you because of anything that would not make you stop loving me."

"I never said I loved you," he grumbled.

He sighed and pressed closer to her.

He...didn't want to think about it.

...she _was_ right though. There were. A lot of things that she or another member of his crew did that he'd never even consider blaming them for.

And he knew for a fact that Nastya and Brian both had things that the Doc had tried to fix and couldn't. He _knew_ that none of those things were fixable. There wasn't anything to fix.

She couldn't fix Nastya and make her stop hating hugs because Nastya just didn't like being touched. She couldn't make Brian stop having panick attacks because she was the one that caused most of his panick attacks.

It. ...It was _logical_ that he would have things she couldn't fix because they weren't real problems or because she was the reason they happened. It just… it didn't make sense that they wouldn't hate him. And he-

He knew that they couldn't.

She had been the closest he ever got to being loved without tricking someone and she still stopped loving him when she couldn't fix him.

Or maybe she never had?

He wasn't sure she ever really loved him anymore. Sometimes he thought she had just lied to him until she realized she couldn't make him what she wanted.

...He wasn't sure which option scared him more.

"I- I do believe you. It just doesn't make sense. She- No one ever loves me because I'm a problem and a nuisance and- and _a_ _useless freak._ It doesn't. She couldn't fix me and even if I try to not make y'all deal with me y’all still have to and I end up hurting y'all so it _doesn't make sense_."

His voice kept breaking. There was a lump in his throat that was hard to speak past and his voice sounded wet.

Was he crying?

"Jonny… I do not know why no one loved you before. I do know you are loved now. Just as much as the rest of our family."

He sobbed.

He didn't know why he was crying. It didn't make any sense. He just was.

Nastya didn't say anything, just pulled him close and held him like he was the younger one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
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> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	25. Baby Steps (Mialma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eldritch trio are cute and we finally address the damn name tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- references to dehumanization, abuse, etc.
> 
> Okay, this is actually kinda just cute shit. It's still sad bc well, none of these three have had particularly happy lives so far, but it's cute. Like. warnings are more the odd reference to backstory shit that's honestly all pretty vague.

Mialma wasn’t sure why he was so surprised that Lyf and Nyarl had both passed out. He already knew that they both had been through a lot and it'd been years since they'd had a safe place to rest - if they ever had.

It was still somewhat startling when they realized that both of their _mga koya_ had fallen asleep during a lull in conversation.

He sighed.

They certainly didn’t begrudge them the rest. They were concerned enough about waking them that he wasn’t about to risk disturbing them by trying to get up to get one of the datapads.

He glared slightly at the pile sitting on his desk before sighing.

There wasn’t any point to them being annoyed at it. The pads were too far away for him to reach so they were out of luck until they were willing to risk moving Nyarl and Lyf off of himself.

He looked back down at them.

They both were curled tight against their chest, tangled together and with him. The bond between them was obvious, even if they weren't sure either of them realized it was there.

Nyarl didn’t seem to be particularly humanoid at the moment; ae had a head and that was about it. It was more blanketish in how he wrapped around Lyf and themself. She seemed determined to keep them both safe even in hir sleep.

Lyf, at least, seemed to hold onto a human form pretty easily. There were a few things that he’d seen that weren’t exactly human. They blushed rainbow rather than the not-quite red he’d expect, they apparently manifested tentacles, they were covered in stripes that may or may not be connected to their...eldritchness given their reaction when he’d asked about them.

He blinked.

There was a datapad dangling in front of them. From a tentacle.

They looked back down at Lyf. He was definitely asleep and didn’t seem to have manifested any tentacles. Nyarl was the same.

They looked back up at the pad. The tentacle was a dark almond colour with starlight dappling. Same colours that his own skin was with the additional stripes that had shown up since he made his deal.

They eyed it warily.

_The power button was at the top under the-_

He had to grab quickly as the tentacle dropped the pad trying to rearrange itself. It didn’t hit either of his _mga koya,_ but they were lucky it didn’t.

The tentacle carefully pressed down on the power button and draped itself across the pad like it was trying to take back over holding it.

He blinked.

Okay then… apparently he manifested tentacles? He guessed?

They carefully let go, the tentacle taking the datapad from their hand and propping it slightly so that he could easily read it.

...His life was gonna just keep getting weirder wasn’t it?

Okay.

Okay. They still had access to all of the Mistress’s files. So back to going through those while Nyarl and Lyf slept, they guessed.

He ran his fingers over the _dog tags_ the man they’d saved had left as they read.

* * *

Nyarl was the first to stir.

She shifted to drape perself across his shoulders without them noticing. “What are you reading?”

He jumped.

And that woke Lyf.

“Mm? What’s going on?”

Fuck they were adorable. He was so screwed.

“Apparently we’re reading something. Haven’t got an answer as to what yet though.”

He laughed softly. Nyarl was such a mess. He was glad that Lyf and themself were the ones able to interact with it. He didn’t want to imagine how bad it’d be if hir first opportunity to have companionship had been people who were cruel.

“I’m going over the Mistress’s holdings at the moment. I need to both figure out a way to destroy her and ensure that there’s minimal upheaval as a result of her death.”

“Mm. mkay.”

Lyf just buried their face back into his chest, presumably going back to sleep.

They smiled.

Lyf really hadn’t had any time to just, breathe since his solar system was destroyed, had he? Even with how much Nyarl obviously cared about them and wanted them to be okay, they wouldn’t have trusted faer to watch over them.

At least Lyf seemed to be resting now.

Nyarl headbutted his neck.

“Yes, _ate,”_ he sighed.

“I’m bored.”

“...Am I supposed to be able to fix that?”

“Yes?”

“I’m not moving while Lyf is still sleeping - and we’re not waking them up! - so I don’t know what exactly you want me to do about it?”

Nyarl rippled around him and Lyf, something akin to a shrug, perhaps?

“I don’t want to leave though. So. How do I stop being bored?”

...He was the only one out of them with anything resembling a coherent life wasn’t he.

“Well, I’m working on trying to figure out what will happen when I manage to kill the Mistress so you could help me with that if you’d like. The only other suggestion I can offer that doesn’t involve leaving, would be to go back to sleep.”

He got the sense that it was grumbling at him as it coiled tighter around them.

“Both of those sound boring though.”

“I’m sorry, _koya_. Sometimes life is just boring.”

“That’s dumb.”

“That’s how it is.”

“Well it’s _dumb.”_

He laughed. Nyarl was absolutely adorable.

They had to drop their _tags_ inorder to pull eir head out of his neck enough to press a kiss to the top. Definitely worth it with how ve whined in response.

He didn’t bother trying to get it to cooperate with him. Just pulled Lyf closer to him and pressed their head to Nyarl’s. He closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, enjoying the closeness with them both.

It wasn’t complete. He could feel the phantom weight that his loves should be offering, _ei mlodyn bach_ curled in their lap next to Lyf, _ei gwningen bach_ draped on top of them both.

The static built slightly in his ears again.

Even that wouldn’t be complete though. He curled his hand in the braids Nyarl had left on their head to try and reassure em.

The static built up enough to start flooding his eyes as well.

The weight in his lap was so off because there should be three other people partly in it. Another person tangled with his loves and a third wrapped around Lyf. There should be two others draping across them. One of them curled around to be able to reach _ei mlodyn bach_ and...maybe tangled with yet another person? He wasn’t sure.

There should be someone leaning against his shoulder, legs tangled with one of the people who should be draped on Lyf. He should be leaning partly on someone as well. No. Partly on two people? There should be another body he was leaning on but they were fairly certain that there needed to be another person. Maybe…

Yes. That would make sense. The person who was supposed to be curled around with a hand tangled with the man he’d saved, was maybe tangled with another person. Except that person was even less...humanoid than Nyarl was and was supposed to be surrounding them all.

...Christ. He hoped that this was something he could get. Something he could find. He didn’t think any of them would be all that okay if he couldn’t.

The static faded slowly, clinging to his sight and hearing as it eased away.

Nyarl was shaking against them; terrified that they were going to make it back no doubt.

They turned their head and let his lips brush over zir head as he whispered reassurances that he was okay.

 _“Why_ do you have to keep doing that?”

Fuck. His heart broke for them. Finally getting to have someone that could relate to aer and he was so traumatized by watching his world get swallowed that he couldn’t help but blame anyone who knew what happened. Finally getting someone that could relate to per and they walked a fine line between existence and becoming one with that which was-and-is-and-will-be.

He curled his hand tight around Nyarl’s not-neck and pulled it up to press their foreheads together. He gave xer a moment to breath before locking eyes with vem.

“I’m not leaving you. Not now, or ever. Any time you can’t see me, wouldn’t be able to see me if you were human, I _swear_ I am going to come back to you. However long that means I endure or whatever I must be witness to, I won’t let you be left alone again.”

Nyarl sobbed.

“Okay? I _promise_. I’m not going to let you be alone ever again.”

Ve nodded, tears falling up from faer eyes. “Okay, okay. I-”

They pressed a kiss to hir melting hairline and pulled her close to his chest.

He had a tyrant that had taken him from his loves to kill, what honestly amounted to an empire to ensure collapsed safely for the people living in it, a lost love to find, a _koya_ to help heal, and a ...and a friend to teach what it meant to have family. How he’d pull it off he didn’t have the first clue, but somehow he would. He wouldn’t accept anything less.

* * *

They finished making it through all of the information they could access within a few days.

It would have been less, but taking care of Nyarl and Lyf required he spend time on other things. He was fairly certain it was good for them as well. Humans needed socialization and they were fairly certain that still applied to him even if they weren’t entirely human anymore.

Hadn’t been for a long time actually.

Regardless, spending time with Nyarl and Lyf was a priority. One that took precedence over research for at least a few hours a day. It could be folded into the lessons Nyarl insisted Lyf give him on how to make use of their… well, of their powers, at least.

Lyf had been correct that there was nothing he could really teach them in regards to controlling the pressure and safely brushing up against all-that-is-and-was-and-will-be. That was about the only thing that _Mialma_ had proven a natural at though.

They did manifest tentacles. Which was… an interesting phenomena to say the least.

They manifested a lot of things actually. It was… mildly disturbing.

It seemed to be amusing to their _mga koya_ so he supposed they weren’t too annoyed over it. Even if having random objects - many of which he couldn’t for the life of him figure out the name of - fall on them from out of thin air was irritating.

At least they had the reassurance that Lyf apparently had the same issue for his first few decades after their home was destroyed.

Of course, Lyf also apparently got control of the tentacles within days of them beginning to manifest and was able to manipulate their form within a century. Whereas they still had issues reaching for information they hadn’t learned in a mortal manner. So judging his own progress based off of Lyf’s wasn’t exactly a great meter.

It wasn’t like Nyarl was any help on that front either.

Ae had been born already knowing how to do all of this. Well. For a certain definition of born anyways.

Nor could ze offer commentary based on the progress of other _childer_ of outer gods or elder gods. Apparently, the usual way it went was that a mortal decided to seek power, got a hold of it, and, in a matter of seconds, went mad and destroyed themself.

Nyarl had gotten quiet when they tried to ask about those that didn’t. They hadn’t asked again.

But they had managed to acquire a fair bit of papers and writing utensils. Logically, this led to the acquisition of tape, pins, boards that the pins could go into, string, scissors, and other supplies.

(Lyf could suck up their confusion. This was how plotting worked and this was how he was going to plot).

So, over the course of three weeks, his room had become a… it had been covered in notes with string and pins used to show connections. There was a name for it. He _knew_ there was a name for it. He could not figure out the name for it.

It didn’t much matter.

They had the details of nearly a thousand solar systems, all under the Mistress’s control in some way. They had lists of who was in control of what. He had notes on nearly every person in her “employ” - including the likelihood that they were helping her entirely of their own volition. They had collected the details of every attempted assassination he had witnessed and even several from before she...acquired him.

And _still_ he had no clue how to kill her let alone ensure that his loves would remain safe from her while they did so.

“So what are the tags from?”

Lyf’s voice made them jump. A perfectly reasonable response to him speaking from right next to their ear, they thought.

Their smirk told him they disagreed.

“I’m sorry?”

“The tags.” Lyf dropped down to walk around them and lightly tap the dog tags his love had left behind.

He glanced behind him to see that the desk had migrated into the center of the room. That explained why Lyf had been tall enough to reach their ear at least.

“You’ve been messing with them since I got here and they're obviously important to you. So, what’s the story? I’d assume they’re yours, but what makes those ones so special when you must have fought in thousands of wars?”

“I… haven’t actually. ...Private security might be a better phrasing of what I’ve done for the past three millennia. I’m… I think I was a soldier before the Mistress found me. I’m not… sure though.”

Lyf nudged them until they sat down on the bed. He just crawled into their lap and held them.

“...They came from a man I… Someone I helped escape the Mistress left them. And I took them.”

Lyf gave him a flat look.

He sighed. “They came from my love. I… It’s all I have of him. Can’t even remember either of theirs names so…” They shrugged.

Lyf just stared at them for a long moment.

“...If they came from your love then they should have his name on them?”

They blinked.

“How would they do that? They’re pretty and I… I’m sure they’re important, but there’s not any writing on them.”

Lyf frowned.

“May I… see them? I’ll be careful, but I want to see if I can’t figure out what they said for you. Tags should have the soldier they belonged to’s name on them.”

He hesitated, but he did trust Lyf.

He let them see the tags.

They were careful in how they handled them. Fingers tracing over the raised marks like they meant something.

After a few moments Lyf handed them back and got up to grab a datapad and pen. He scribbled for a few moments before handing it to them.

“Does this make any sense to you?”

They had written several words with odd drawings in between.

“Yes? I recognize the words, I don’t understand what the drawings are though?”

“Circle the drawings for me?”

He eyed them for a moment, confused at the request. They took the offered pen and circled each drawing before handing both back to Lyf though.

He stared at the list for a few moments frowning.

“+ doesn’t mean anything to you? Or-”

“What doesn’t mean anything to me?”

They looked back up. “+.”

He blinked.

“Am I seriously supposed to understand that? I don’t even know what to call that sound.”

Lyf stared at them for a long moment before rattling off several more unintelligible noises.

“Lyf, _koya_ , what are you _doing?”_

He looked back between the pad and him for a few moments.

“You said you had two loves?”

“Yes? W-”

“I think I have both of their names and yours then.”

 _“What!?_ How?”

They held up the pad.

“The ‘drawings’ are words, _frændi_. Names if I’m not mistaken. You can’t remember yours or your loves’s so…”

...three tags. Six names they couldn’t see or hear. Three lovers.

Whatever the Mistress had done to him had ensured that he would be unable to remember themself on their own.

* * *

“Come on. It’s not that difficult.”

“For _you_. We’ve been trying for the past six hours, Lyf. I can’t do it.”

“Sure you can. We just need to figure out what’s stopping you.”

 _Mialma_ groaned as they dropped onto the floor.

Lyfrassir just laughed at him.

“Come on,” they teased, kicking slightly at his side. “It can’t be _that_ bad.”

He opened his eyes to glare at them.

“We. Have. Been. Trying. For. The. Past. Six. Hours. Lyfrassir.”

“Yes?”

...They really didn’t understand why that was a ridiculous amount of time did he?

“And six hours is _a lot_ \- or at least it is to anyone not from, what was it? Yssdragil?”

“Yggdrasil.”

“That’s what I said, ain’t it?”

“...I literally don’t know what _you_ just said. Also, you’re an ass.”

Apparently being an ass was what it took to get them to stop though since they dumped themself on him.

For someone as tiny as they were Lyf was surprisingly heavy.

“Ouch.”

“Oh stop whining.”

And of course Nyarl decided to join them once they were both on the ground. It just wrapped faerself around them both until they were all three about as tangled as possible.

“Explain to me again why I’m putting up with Lyf’s so-called teaching _ate?”_

“Hey!”

“You have to learn how to not kill yourself!”

“...I was teasing Nyarl. I know that it’s important to both of you that I figure out how to use any powers that come with being… eldritchish.”

Lyf just snorted at their attempt at avoiding acknowledging that he didn’t qualify as human anymore, diresment of their teaching skills apparently forgotten.

“I don’t get it. Also, I don’t think eldritchish is a word.”

“Lyf’s attempts at teaching me things haven’t gone the best in general. Spending six hours trying to change my hair colour, when there isn’t even reason to think that it’s a thing I can do - _or that it’s a thing I can do yet_ \- is frustrating. I… was making a joke about how they haven’t really taught me much. And eldritchish is totally a word! It’s eldritch but _ish!_ That’s the entire point of ish!”

Nyarl manifested a mostly human head to blink down at them.

“...I do not understand you, _amice.”_

“I know. I don’t understand me either.”

“You’re insane is what you are,” Lyf deadpanned, jabbing an elbow into their chest as he propped himself up enough to look them in the eye.

He grinned. “If I’m insane what does that make you?”

“Dead.”

If Nyarl hadn’t been as tangled around them as ze was, he might have thrown Lyf off of him laughing.

“Seriously though, _please_ tell me we can be done with this for the day.”

“...Fine.”

_“Thank you!”_

“We’re trying again tomorrow though.”

“...I’ll take it.”

Nyarl nuzzled against his jaw until they turned to her.

“If you’re done training now what are we gonna do?”

And therein lied the question.

As much as they’d worked out and pushed the boundaries of reality as much as they could without giving Nyarl a panick attack, in order for _Mialma_ to stay close enough to the Mistress to observe her, they had to remain in his former quarters.

“Hey Lyf? Tell us about your job back on… Midgard? Right?”

“Yeah. Um. What about it?”

He shrugged.

“Dunno. Is there anything you _want_ to tell us?”

“Not really?”

“Okay. Hmm… Favourite part and least favourite part.”

“...why?”

“Because you need to remember and also probably still need to process a lot of it. And part of processing is talking about it. ...Also, listening to you talk is nice and Nyarl is bored so getting you to talk probably has the best chances of my not having to get up.”

Lyf snorted. “I’ll be nice and ignore the first half of what you said.”

They could feel him drumming lightly on their chest.

“Favourite and least favourite part of being an _Inspector Second Class, New Midgard Transport Police_. Hmm…”

He could feel Nyarl nestling zir head against their neck as they both settled in to listen to whatever story Lyf decided to share with them.

“Gods. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my favourite part would probably be the prisoners. I’m gonna count them as my least favourite part too since the paperwork they generated was the absolute _worst_.”

“Oh!” Nyarl suddenly perked up. “Are these the same prisoners you had a crush on?”

“The same prisoners I- NO! I did not have a crush on them!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Tim and Jonny can't manage to wrap up their own shit within a reasonable timespan, we're back to the eldritch trio for a bit. They're cute. It's sweet. Yes, they're plotting a murder, but they're not gonna destabilize an entire empire to do it. Or, well, _Mialma_ won't. Nyarl and Lyf might be inclined to if they were doing this on their own.
> 
> Translations:  
>  _kuya, ate_ -> Tagolog, used for older peers and cousins  
>  _mga kuya_ -> Tagolog, plural of _kuya_  
>  _amice_ -> Latin, lit. friend, more intimate connotation than just 'friend', somewhere between friend and beloved  
>  _frændi_ -> Old Norse, a friend or relative
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	26. Labels (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TS is surprisingly willing to discuss its feelings even if it won't admit they're feelings and Tim gets two more labels for his partners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced past issues with not realizing TS was a person  
> \- dehumanization?, it's TS's not Real thing  
> \- mental and emotional exhaustion  
> \- issues pertaining to navigating a relationship with someone who insists they don't have feelings or opinions  
> \- panick attack  
> \- mild exhibitionism, nothing beyond making out

He enjoyed the cuddling and just offered TS what comfort he knew it’d accept for a while. Eventually, however, it did decide to continue their conversation.

He had to suppress a grin at its acceptance that he, at least, couldn’t wrap his mind around it not being real without also denying Aurora personhood. He was so proud of it, he was sure that it wouldn’t have accepted that argument a couple of centuries ago.

“I Still Do Not Understand Why It Is So Important That We Discuss Our Relationship. Your Relationship With Jonny Is Repaired And You Are Discussing Things With Everyone Else So You Do Not Need Me To Pretend For You Anymore.”

He could practically feel its awkwardness...and its dislike of what it was saying. He was about as confident that it didn’t actually want to not be in a relationship with him as he could be.

He just hummed for a minute, trying to figure out how to explain since it apparently didn’t get that he liked it.

“You know, back during the moon war, I had the _biggest_ crush on this one officer. Never made a move, Bertie would have killed me and I was too chicken to besides.”

He could imagine the confused face TS was no doubt making as it wrapped him more tightly in its arms.

“I Do Not Believe You! You Are Not Chicken And Got Bertie And Jonny Both To Date You!”

He smirked. _Got it._

“Nope! I might be a lot more confident now, but back then I was too chicken to make a move on anybody. Bertie was always the one who made the moves.”

“Bullshit.”

He laughed, the amusement in its voice lit a fire in his chest.

“I’m serious. He was the one who made a move on me. Somebody asked me to a dance or something when we were...twelve, I think? I just panicked. He swooped in and told them I already had a date. Was smooth as fuck too. When I started panicking at him about not actually having a date, he just grabbed my hand and said ‘sure you do. Unless you’re not gonna let me take you?’ He was the one who actually made a move on Jonny too. You've never heard the story of how we met him, have you?”

“No! I Would Very Much Enjoy Hearing You Tell It Now Though!”

He pressed a quick kiss to its neck and enjoyed the hitch in its breath he got in response.

“Alright, so you know the war had already been going on for a good few months by the time Bertie and I arrived. I’d...possibly gotten a bit more into the guns during Basic than most people so by the time we got assigned to the forty-seventh, I had already acquired a bit of a reputation. Enough of one that Jonny showed up like, our second day in the trenches and started flirting with me. And I was still an awkward kid that didn’t know what to do with anyone other than Bertie hitting on me - don’t laugh. Most people knew we were together or were so bad at it that I didn’t even notice until Bertie decided to save them the trouble.”

“I Find That Hard To Believe. You Are Very Suave Master-At-Arms-Gunpwder.”

He rolled his eyes and hit its chest lightly. Fucking arse.

“It didn’t exactly help that it was damn near impossible to tell if he was hitting on _me_ or my _gun_. And you were there enough to hear the amount of shit he got for it from our unit so you can’t argue that.”

“I Will Concede That Point.”

“You better,” he threatened it. “Where was I? - Right. So Jonny showed up and started hitting on me like our second day there, and as a good boyfriend Bertie came to save me from his horrendous flirting. Only instead of stopping he just started also hitting on Bertie. Was actually kinda amusing even if it threw us both off for a bit. I think he somehow managed to be the first person to actually do that outside of a club. He somehow managed to miss that we were together too. It wasn’t until after Bertie had invited him to sit with us for dinner and we kissed in front of him that he worked it out. Got about as red as I’ve ever seen him and started falling over himself apologizing, that he hadn’t realized we were together. Somehow Bertie took that and turned it into making us friends. Couple of months later and he was still staring at us a fair bit and well, we both had a bit of a crush on him. Bertie was always real emphatic about us talking so he brought it up and then when we’d agreed that we were both interested in him, he somehow finagled Jonny into sitting between us.”

He paused for a moment to take a breath. He hadn’t actually told anyone this story before. ...It was kinda nice. He’d been looking forward to telling Bertie’s family all about it after they got home, but well.

“I don’t think Jonny knew what to do with that. Somehow that turned into getting him back to our tent after and into my lap though. Bertie just crowded him into my chest and asked if he could kiss him.”

It hummed.

“That Is A Very Cute Story.”

He laughed. “It is, isn't it? I’m pretty sure there was something else we were talking about before this though.”

It nodded, “you were telling me about how you had a crush on an officer and I didn’t believe you were too scared to make a move. I don’t understand why you were though.”

Its voice had softened again. He had to contain the shiver at getting to actually _hear_ its emotions clearly.

“Right. So there was this officer. Fucking brilliant strategist. Gorgeous voice too. Singing was okay, the way it told stories though? I definitely dragged my boyfriends off on more than one occasion to fuck them about it. And the way it cut a uniform? _Christ._ ”

The Toy Soldier suppressed its giggles in his hair.

He hummed for a moment. “I suppose you could say I did make a move eventually. Only took me about a thousand years.”

“Oh? Were They Not As Good As You Hoped? You Did Say You _Used_ To Have A Crush On Them.”

“Nope. My boyfriend got in this huge fight with it and well, by that point I was starting to get my head back on straight enough that a relationship wasn’t out of the question and it wasn’t like Bertie was around to tell me off. So I said screw it and gave it a shot. Really glad I did.”

He pulled back and propped himself up on an elbow so he could smirk down at TS.

“Even if its kinda a pain sometimes cause it’s not as real as I want it to be, I rather do like it still. Just wouldn’t say I have a crush on it, bit too juvenile for how I feel.”

It stared at him, eyes wide. “Wha- You Can't- Me?!?”

“Mmm-hmm. Bertie liked you too, you know. If you didn’t follow any orders, he would have probably had the guts to actually make a move. We talked about it a few times. He refused to risk suggesting anything when we both figured you were kinda fucked up - thought that whoever had done what we assumed were your prosthetics had fucked you over and that was why you never said no. Didn’t want to risk _making_ you do something you didn’t want to.”

It was ducking it’s head and looking off to the side before he was even halfway through. “Oh.”

It was so fucking adorable. He had to kiss it. So he did.

It kissed back thankfully. Was almost desperate about it. Pulled him back down on top of it and clung to him.

They had mostly resolved their conversation and he had no problem bugging it to talk tomorrow instead. Besides, it deserved some sort of reward for accepting that they thought of it as real and telling Jonny that it’d love him if it was real earlier. Kissing it until it seemed like it wanted him to stop seemed like a pretty good reward to Tim.

* * *

He got away with kissing it for a while before Nastya threw a pillow at them.

“I do not want to watch you. Stop eating each other’s faces until I can leave without upsetting Marius.”

They were both laughing when he pulled back. He flipped her off while darting down for another kiss despite Nastya’s shout before sliding off of it so she’d relax. He turned to stick his tongue out at her quickly.

She just glared before turning back to Ivy and Jonny.

Ivy smirked and winked at him before focusing on whatever Nastya was saying.

Jonny on the other hand was still staring at them, an almost hungry look on his face. He actually met Tim’s eye for a moment before flushing and turning back to Nastya.

That explained why she’d noticed since Jonny presumably got distracted watching them.

He turned back to look at TS.

Its braid was starting to fall out - not his fault actually, just the pressures of the day. Its mouth was slightly parted and it was panting lightly.

_Beautiful._

He trailed his fingers over its braid.

“You wanna sit up? I can fix this for you and it might help with the temptation to kiss you again some. Should probably refrain so Nastya doesn’t kill us.”

It giggled, nodding and sitting up. It turned its back to him, its head ducking in a blush. “Okay,” it said.

He got its hair out of the braid and was working his fingers through it to get rid of the tangles before it spoke again.

“Um. ...You Never Said Why We Needed To- Why It Was So Important To- um.”

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the back of its neck. “Why we need to talk about our relationship?”

It nodded, its head ducking almost immediately.

He smiled sadly. It was adorable even if he hated how uncomfortable it was asking.

“I more was objecting to you trying to leave. You should definitely talk to the others about...about why they didn’t think you were real before you and Jonny got in that fight and about what it is they want from you. I… We’ve had some conversations before about what it is I want. If you have different thoughts after our conversation about-”

He swallowed and took a deep breath. Wrapping his arms around its waist and pulling it closer to him, he pressed his forehead to its shoulder before continuing.

“About how hard it is for me to process that you aren’t real, I want to hear them. I- I want to have a _relationship_ with you as much as you can give me one. I uh. The one thing I really want from any of you right now is to know what I’m allowed to call you.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, heart pounding.

He knew that this was a hard thing for TS to deal with, that’s the main reason why he hadn’t ever pushed even though he’d been able to work through enough of his issues to recognize that he was falling in love with it millennia ago.

That was the entire reason he’d sucked it up and actually asked it if he could kiss it. Working through that whole situation had sucked, but eventually they’d worked out enough that he could trust it to let him see enough of its actual emotions and desires to try having a relationship.

“I- Jonny said that whatever the first thing I think to pretend is what I should tell all of you I want. ...That seems to work generally and I don’t know how to make that work for a relationship though and I- I want to have a relationship with you. I like making you happy and it makes you happy.”

He pressed another kiss to its shoulder.

“Are you okay to talk about it now or do you want to some other time? I know a lot of what we’ve already talked about is hard on whatever does your processing. I’d like to talk things out again if you haven’t expressed any wants because you don’t know how to translate the way you process stuff into a want for me. I’m okay if we don’t talk about it for a few days though.”

It hesitated before nodding. “I Would Like To Wait. ...I Can Think About Things If You Have Suggestions Though!”

He smiled. “Thank you, dear. I… Are you able to think about stuff that might happen in the future and plan how to react to it?”

It nodded. “Yes! I Do That Often… I’m Not Very Good At Predicting What People Will Do Though So I Have To Try And Come Up With Ideas In The Moment A Lot!”

Fuck, he loved it so much.

“Yeah? Why don’t you think of some things that could happen with us. Even if it’s not something that you really think could happen. When you’re ready to deal with us talking about our relationship I’d really like to hear about the ideas you like - even the ones you already know I won’t like or won’t make me happy. Is that something you can do easily?”

Its hands wrapped around his and it pressed back against his chest, shrinking slightly so that he could easily pull it back into his lap.

“Y-yes. I Can Do That. Think About Scenarios With Us No Matter If They Can Happen Or Not And Then Tell You About Them Even If- Even If They’ll Make You Sad Or You Won’t Like Them.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“...Even- even if it’s something that might make you really sad and could never happen? Like- like if you and Berite had asked to kiss me during the Lunar War?”

His breath caught. _Fuck,_ was that a thought.

He turned to kiss its neck and left his lips against it as he answered.

“Yes. And I definitely want to hear about what sort of scenario you’re imagining with that. Just, not when Nastya’s around to yell at us.”

It ducked its head down faster than he could move. Thankfully he was already out of the way enough to avoid getting smacked.

“Okay,” it whispered.

He pressed another kiss to its neck before pulling back and pushing it out of his lap so he could begin to detangle its hair again.

“You never answered what I’m allowed to call you.”

“What Do You Want To Call Me?”

He hummed for a moment. “Promise not to just say yes?”

“Yes! I Will Tell You The First Thing I Think Of And You Decide?”

“...I will suggest some wants or dislikes that a person might translate it into and you can pick what you want to say is your response.”

He got the sense that it was rolling its eyes at him. “What Do You Want To Call Me?”

“I want something to acknowledge that I’m in a relationship with you to other people - like how I call Jonny my boyfriend. What do you think of partner?”

It didn’t answer him for a long moment. “I...do not know. The first thing that I can think of is to kiss you, but it also... I kinda want to pretend that I don’t like it?”

He hummed. “Sounds kinda like how I would react if someone asked to call me their boyfriend when I’m not a boy. Sort of a, it’s not right but not exactly wrong either.”

“Oh! I Like That! I Am Going To Pretend That Is How I Feel About You Calling Me Your Partner!”

“Okay, hmm. I know you’ve pretended to do the whole gender thing before. I could call you my boyfriend or girlfriend. Could call you both-”

“No!”

They both jumped a little at its emphatic response.

He could see it tensing up and starting to panick.

“You wanna tell me a bit more about that thought, or should we just discount those?”

“I- The Angel Called Me Her Girlfriend. I Do Not Want You To Call Me That. ...I- ...I Do Not Think I Like Boyfriend Either. ...I Do Not Want To Think About This Anymore. Can You Suggest Something Else Or Just Call Me Your Partner?”

He swallowed back his questions. He wasn’t going to push when it was already actually admitting to so many of its feelings so easily.

“Bertie used to call me his datemate sometimes. Don’t really take you out on dates often but could always change that.”

It was silent for several moments again.

“What Would- What Would A Person Do With An Ache In Their Chest Over Being Called Your Datemate?”

“Um. What type of ache? Like, it really hurts and we should be checking to make sure everything’s okay or-”

“I want to pretend that my chest hurts and turn around and crawl into your lap and cry and never leave.” Its voice was barely audible as it rushed through its words before clamming back up. “Um. I-”

He tied off its braid quickly and pulled it back into his lap to nuzzle against its neck. “My datemate,” he murmured in its ear, rolling the word around in his mouth a couple of times and enjoying the way it shuddered against him in response. “All pretty and perfect for me. You still wanna pretend your chest aches? Wanna whine along with your squirming?”

“Y-yeah.”

He tucked a smile against its neck and tightened his arms around it.

“Think we found something for me to call you then. That’s almost exactly what I did the first time Bertie called me his partner, was the first time he called me ze too.”

"O-oh. I- I Like It." Its voice was soft as it confirmed what he thought. It got even quieter as it whispered to itself, "Tim's datemate. I'm Tim's datemate."

He swallowed back everything he wanted to say; it wasn't the time. He could still squeeze it tightly though. He was _so_ proud of it. And he was so glad he got to call it his.

* * *

“Hi.”

Marius looked rough when he dropped down next to them.

“Hello! Are You Okay, Marius?”

Tim didn’t bother adding his own question in, just raised a brow at him.

Marius’s smile was weak enough to be somewhat worrying. It was a rare day that Marius wasn’t fairly cheerful so for him to be visibly stressed was _not_ a good sign.

"I'm fi-" He cut himself off with a sigh. "No. I'm not fine. I'm exhausted. I wanted to talk to you two to at least confirm when we can- when we can make sure we're on the same page and all tonight though. I... probably shouldn't try taking to either of you tonight, but I really do want to."

"We Can Speak Whenever You Want To!"

Marius gave it another weak smile. "Thank you, dear. Can we schedule a time though? Wanna make sure it doesn't fall to the wayside on accident."

"Of Course!"

"Okay. Um."

"Marius?" Tim waited for him to refocus on them. "What do you want to talk to us about?"

He flushed. "We never um. We never actually discussed being in a relationship o-or what that would entail really and I _do_ actually really like you both and um-"

Marius was rambling.

He let Tim pull him into them though. He curled into Tim's side and laid his head on TS's shoulder.

He was still rambling some as TS began petting his hair.

“Marius.” No response.

“Marius.” Still just rambling, muffled against TS.

Tim sighed and wedged his hand in between Marius and TS to cover his mouth.

 _“Marius,_ dear, we get it. You want to actually define your relationships. We can do that. Hell, I can do a chunk of that right now, no discussion necessary.”

Marius turned slightly to. Not glare, but it was more than a stare that he gave him.

Tim took his hand back and tugged Marius closer to himself.

“Part of discussing our relationship is _discussing_ _our relationship_ , Tim.”

“I know. We have covered a decent chunk of relationship questions already though. The only thing I can think of that we haven’t talked about at some point is whether to put a name on it. I know we should probably talk things through again, but I think we’re doing okay right now. Enough that if we need to let go of things for a while we’ll be fine. ...Would like to know what I can call you sooner rather than later though.”

Marius sighed. His head dropped back onto TS’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Okay. You and I are probably pretty good. Still want to plan when we’re gonna make _sure_ we’re okay though. ...I’ve definitely been thinking that we were dating for the past several millennia.”

“Can I call you my boyfriend then? Say we can get breakfast together and just spend the morning with just the two of us in a couple days? Give us a chance to relax beforehand and then we can just take the morning to see if there’s anything we haven’t discussed or need to revisit.”

“Yeah. That. That sounds good. We’ll have a brunch date, day after tomorrow.”

Tim squeezed his arm. “Yeah.”

“Okay” Marius took a couple of deep breaths. “Okay. We’re good and we’ll have a brunch date day after tomorrow to _make sure_. Um. I like boyfriend. Would you prefer something else or...?”

“Boyfriend’s fine. I’m generally good with it when I’m using he/him. Um. Partner’s generally worked best when I’m not and just, over all.”

“I’ll stick with partner for the most part then. If boyfriend’s fine are you back to he/him right now?”

Tim blinked.

He hadn’t even noticed that he’d switched back. Marius wasn’t wrong though. He was definitely back to he/him for now.

“Yeah… yeah. Thanks.”

“Of course. ...TS?”

“Tim Is Going To Call Me His Datemate!”

He had to smile at that. He was so glad they managed to find something it actively liked.

“Yeah? Is he the only one who gets to call you that or can I call you that to?”

It froze.

“Y-you want to call me Your Datemate?”

“I’d like that. I happen to love you a fair bit so I’d like to get to tell people.”

“I- ...okay?”

“If you don’t like the idea then I can call you something else. T-”

“I Can Be Your Datemate!”

Marius sighed.

Tim should probably save him the stress.

“It’s having a bit of trouble with the idea that we actually want a relationship with it.”

Marius groaned. “TS. Dear. We like you. None of us would have tried having a relationship with you if we didn’t.”

It shook slightly.

He tightened his arm around its waist. He pressed a kiss against its neck and lingered there for a moment, relishing the way it slowly relaxed against him.

“We can stop talking about this if you need us to, love,” he murmured.

It was still too tense; there wasn’t much he could do to fix that though.

It nodded jerkily.

Marius sighed, “Alright. I’ll shut up. ...Do you want me to call you my datemate, _amourouz?”_

There was a heavy pause before it finally answered.

It whispered, “yeah.”

“Okay. Can we spend some time together in a couple of days to talk about us?”

It nodded. “We can- We Can Have Tea Together Tomorrow!”

It at least seemed cheered by the idea of having tea with Marius.

He grinned, “yeah. I liked that idea. We’ll do tea tomorrow.”

There was a brief pause that Marius just studied them both during.

“I’m gonna go talk to Ashes then steal Raph and Ivy so we can talk. I’ll see you both in the morning if we don’t make it back before you go to sleep, okay?”

Once he got confirmation from both of them, Marius leaned forward to kiss them each in turn.

He stood up and climbed out of the nest area to head towards Ashes, leaving the two of them in peace.

Tim took the opportunity to check where everyone was.

Nastya seemed to have disappeared, though Jonny was laying in Ivy’s lap so that might have been her just not wanting to be in the same room as the rest of them anymore. It was probably fine.

...It was _fine._ She wasn’t going to get stuck between panels until her mechanism stopped working or fall out an airlock and never get found or-

“Tim! You Have To Breathe Slowly! Not Fast!”

Oh. He was giving himself a panic attack wasn’t he.

“Where’s Nastya,” he gasped out.

A screen descended in front of him before TS could answer.

**She is in my engine room. She will sleep there tonight so that we can have some time together without the rest of you present.**

**I will not allow her to come to any harm and will alert the rest of you should I need assistance to do so. We have upgraded my sensors enough that only yourselves could evade them.**

“...promise?”

**Of course.**

“okay.”

Distinctly he registered that he probably shouldn’t be so shaken up over Nastya leaving the room. He should be able to keep from obsessing over all of the unlikely ways she could be lost just because he couldn’t see her.

It was still a lot harder than it was before he’d spent two centuries away from his family to stop worrying though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go before this chapter of their story is closed. This... has been an adventure.
> 
> Translations:  
>  _amourouz_ -> Breton, "lover"
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


	27. Needless Hope (Jonny)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny is trying, but trusting people who keep trying to explain things that don't add up is exhausting and he can't argue with them anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- self-depreciation  
> \- referenced abuse  
> \- relationship issues/miscommunication  
> \- mild exhibitionism mention, nothing beyond kissing  
> \- possible implied/referenced processing issues, specifically Aurora experiencing emotions differently  
> \- slightly heavy petting  
> \- implied/referenced attempts to "fix" neurodivergence  
> \- internalized ableism

Jonny was exhausted.

Even with how spread out it was, he'd talked _a lot_ about his feelings today and really just wanted to curl up in Tim's lap again and go to sleep.

He also wanted to go back to pretending he didn't have feelings but he didn't think that was gonna happen. Not with how upset everyone seemed over him not assuming they cared about him.

He didn't think they were lying. He _didn't._

...he just didn't understand how they could even really want him here though, let alone _ _love__ him.

He heard the whirring before Aurora nudged him with her screen.

He grumbled.

Nastya wasn't upset that he was tangled up with her and he wanted to enjoy cuddling with her as long as possible. Aurora was perfectly capable of cuddling with them if she wanted her girlfriend back.

Aurora nudged him again.

"Jonny. Sit up so Aurora can talk to you already."

What?

Oh. Right. Marius's stupid, everyone needs to talk thing.

And apparently that included him.

He sighed and pulled away from Nastya. He knew he was pouting, he didn't care though. Nastya cuddles were _the best._

****Are you still able to talk?** **

He sighed. "Yes. Just. Didn't want to move."

The lights flickered in laughter.

****Understandable. Nastya is very nice to cuddle with and you do not get to do so often.** **

He nodded, pulling his knees up so he could wrap his arms around them.

****I would like to know what you believe our relationship to be.** **

He swallowed.

He honestly didn’t know. Sometimes it seemed like she might actually like him even though he knew that there was no way she would.

****I do not and have never had any bioprogramming so you cannot claim that I only care for you due to it.** **

****You do not seem to believe I care about you though.** **

“I- I know you tolerate me? I mean, you must otherwise you would have gotten rid of me years ago. I assume you put up with me for Nastya’s sake? I don’t- Um. I-”

Fuck.

He was crying again.

Nastya suddenly pulled him into her side and squeezed him tightly.

“J-Jonny?”

His breath caught. Fuck. He was making Aurora have to talk even though he knew she hated it.

“I need you to understand how important this is for me to tell you.” There was a brief burst of static. “I do not just tolerate you. I would have found a way to get rid of you if that was the only reason you were part of my crew. You...are actually one of the least irritating crew members I have. I am glad to have you as my first mate and do not wish for that to change.”

He risked a peek out of Nastya’s shoulder to look at Aurora’s screen.

She dipped it down to rest against his legs.

He gently ran a hand over the casing. It was dumb, but neither Nastya nor Aurora had ever said anything about his tendency to pet her screen casings when she seemed upset. Even though he was sure she just humored him, it did make him feel a little better, like he could offer her some sort of comfort.

****Do you understand what I am saying?** **

He nodded. “Trust you,” his voice came out as a whisper. “Just hard. Hard to believe. Feels like all of you are lying even if- even if I kn-know you wouldn’t.”

****Reviewing the footage from the past several decades, all evidence indicates that your presence is important to all members of my crew. The twenty years while you were lost to us showed a significant increase in panic attacks, murders, arguments, and other undesired incidents.** **

****Your return resulted in an immediate decrease in these issues of between three and five present prior to your waking. After Tim returned and you began spending time with the crew as a whole, incidents have decreased by more than eighty percent.** **

****I… will need to speak with Ivy and Raphaella to account for what influence Tim’s return has on those numbers, but my point stands. You are both wanted and needed onboard and your removal would prove detrimental to my crew.** **

He stared at her.

There was no way that those numbers were correct…

...was there?

“Aurora…”

There was a sharp crackle in her speakers in response to Nastya’s reproach. _A sigh_ if he recalled Nastya’s explanation of her language correctly.

****I am not as given to sentiment as my crew is given your organic nature.** **

****However, Nastya is correct in pointing out that you need that sentiment in order to understand your place on me.** **

He could only blink at her.

****To clarify:** **

****Your presence would have to prove a detriment to the rest of my crew to a degree in excess of**** …

He didn’t have a clue what any of the numbers she was throwing on her screen meant.

After a moment of him trying desperately to make some sense of it, she paused.

Her screen cleared.

****You do not understand any of those numbers do you?** **

“I’m sorry.”

****No.** **

****I am sorry.** **

****I should know better than to expect you to understand numbers that confuse me at times when I at least have an advantage.** **

There were a few moments of nothing.

He thought Aurora was thinking?

****I began considering ways to remove the doctor from her status as my Captain and from myself the first time she laid a hand on you within my sight.** **

****Given your patterns of behavior in the time I have known you, there is less than a one percent of a one percent chance that you would not remove yourself long before you caused the rest of the crew enough harm that I would.** **

He could only stare at her.

She’d been- Since the first-

The Doc had slapped him the minute she stepped foot on deck for the first time! Scolded him for taking so long! Nastya hadn’t even been onboard yet!

And Aurora claimed to have been looking for a way to get rid of her since then!?

****Yes.** **

****You were kind. Rough and not intentionally kind to me, but you still spoke to me like I was a person as soon as my previous crew stopped distracting you. You did not take me by force either. You gave them many opportunities to leave and laughed with me as they chose suicide instead for some strange reason.** **

****I liked you.** **

****Then she came aboard and attacked you. You did nothing to defend yourself even though she had obviously been the one who was late. When she then brought Nastya onboard and ignored both of you objecting to her...procedures, it only cemented the fact that she was not someone I wanted as my Captain.** **

He- He couldn’t deal with this.

Nope.

Just. no.

“I’m done. No more. Can we go back to me not having to think about y’all somehow liking me?”

That at least got them both to laugh.

He pressed into Nastya’s side and closed his eyes. He wasn’t paying any more attention to them.

He began humming loudly in response to Nastya’s attempt to ask him something.

He wasn’t actually sure what she tried to say. Just that it was directed at him.

She laughed, pulling him closer and dropping a kiss onto his head before shifting to begin speaking with Aurora.

He didn’t bother trying to make sense of it. Even if he knew they would talk in Cyberian if they had issues with him listening in, he still didn’t really care.

He was getting to cuddle with Nastya and would probably have to talk with Raph too at some point, but he was being left alone for now. He wasn’t going to pay attention to jackshit and just enjoy getting to hold _su hermosita_.

* * *

Eventually, Nastya had shoved him off of her and into Ivy’s lap.

Given that she hadn’t even bothered to acknowledge the betrayed look he gave her, she’d probably been trying to ask him to move for a while.

She did tuck her feet in between his though so she probably wasn’t mad at him.

“-you didn’t say anything about finding time for-”

And he did _not_ want to know what they were talking about.

He would just...figure out somewhere else to be. He could probably go get someone else to hold him. ...even if he really didn’t want to give up Ivy’s hand in his hair.

A quick glance around the room showed Ashes having moved over to a couch and lounging back on it with one of Aurora’s screens above them. Presumably the two of them were talking about something though he didn’t know how likely it was that it had anything to do with their relationship.

Brian and Marius were still tangled up in each other though Raph was draped across them now and seemed to be demanding their attention.

That left Tim and TS ...who were making out.

He swallowed.

Tim had somehow managed to get TS to relax enough that its hands were fisted in the back of hir shirt and it was chasing after hir every time ze started to pull back. Ze had the hand that he could see wrapped around the back of TS’s neck. He thought hir other hand might be inside its coat.

They looked _gorgeous_ together.

Tim’s hair was swept to one side, if it was any less tangled he’d think it was intentionally done so that the joining of their lips was visible. TS’s still seemed to be in its braid, but it was definitely at risk of coming undone.

A not insignificant part of him was tempted to go undo the braid for it.

A pillow hit Tim’s side at the same time that Nastya started shouting at them.

“I do not want to watch you. Stop eating each other’s faces until I can leave without upsetting Marius.”

Tim threw up his first two fingers towards her for a moment, pressing another kiss to TS’s lips. Ze pulled back and slid off of it to face her before she threw something else at them though.

He could see its lips softened enough to stretch into a grin and from the way it was shaking it was no doubt laughing along with Tim.

Fuck. He really wanted to kiss it.

Tim caught his eye and grinned, all broad and pleased, at him.

His face felt hot as he quickly spun back to look at Nastya.

“If you are talking about your sex life, you don’t get to complain about me bailing to kiss them.”

“Given I only noticed them because you were staring, I rather think I’m leaving as soon as it won’t make Marius cry.”

He was definitely blushing.

Nastya grinned down at him, nudging his feet.

“I get that they’re pretty, but I didn’t need the reminder that you’re a voyeur, брат.”

Ivy laughed.

She pulled his hair until he let out a whine and tipped his head back to look at her.

“Oh for- I am going to talk to Marius. Please don’t break my brother.”

Ivy held his hair tightly enough that he couldn’t turn his head to acknowledge Nastya leaving. Her fingers danced over his throat and jaw, pressing lightly on the marks she and Marius had left, for several minutes while Nastya collected Marius.

“You need to talk with Raph tonight. I may not be able to make you, but I would very much appreciate it if you did.”

He fixed his eyes to the side of her head.

“If Raph doesn’t want to deal with me-”

She slid two fingers into his mouth and dragged it open so he’d shut up.

His breath caught.

“I am not asking you to get Raph to talk to you. She will be quite happy to if you offer. I’m asking you to tolerate at least one more conversation tonight so that she won’t be distracted with worries about you when Marius and I drag her off to talk.”

She dragged her fingers down his chin and throat to rest in the hollow of his neck. She raised a brow as he just breathed.

“Is that something you can do?”

“Y-yeah. I can do that probably.”

She smiled at him, all sharp teeth and gentle curves.

“Thank you, _habibi.”_ He didn’t have time to react before she was kissing him, soft lips covering his with the barest hint of pressure.

She pulled back and started running her fingers through his hair again with one hand while the other traced over his lips and throat.

“I don’t know if we’ll come back here after we’re done talking. If it takes a while we might crash in one of our rooms so we don’t disturb the rest of you.”

“And so you can fuck about it,” he teased.

For a moment his heart stopped.

Logically he _knew_ that she wouldn’t get mad at him for teasing her about her tendency to stick so closely to them. A large part of him still managed to freeze everytime she didn’t immediately grin at his teasing though. And with how close she was, she actually noticed.

She turned her to the side and studied him for a long moment.

“You...do that a lot. When you’re teasing me. Why? I… don’t like it. It looks like you’re scared of me. I don’t want you to be.”

He turned to press his burning face into her side.

She left him alone for a moment, just petting him while he tried to find an answer.

He knew she wouldn’t get mad at him about it. He just. Needed a minute to realize that. It was the same problem he had when Ashes started dealing him in for a round of poker or TS asked for his help. He was usually really good at knowing who he was with and that they wouldn’t get mad at him.

Ivy was just observant enough to notice that he had to remind himself that she just didn’t do facial expressions a lot of the time. It didn’t mean she was mad at him.

She… He could explain that to her. She wouldn’t get mad at him for forgetting.

...He didn’t think she would at least.

“You um.” He couldn’t bear to look at her. “You don’t really do the whole. Facial thing most of the time. And I um. I _know_ that you just don’t do that unless you’re thinking about it or really upset, but um. Sometimes I forget… and- and when I do I gotta remind myself that you’re not mad at me. That you ain’t gonna hurt me cause I done fucked up or nothin’. Um.”

Her fingers tightened briefly in his hair before detangling and grabbing for his hand. She clutched very tightly at his hand and vigorously rubbed over his knuckles for a few moments, her body stiff where he could feel it against his own.

After a long moment that he spent focusing on the feel of his hand in his and repeating that she wouldn’t be holding his hand if she was mad at him, she relaxed.

She let go of his hand to turn his face towards her and kiss him again.

He couldn’t help the whimper he let out when she pulled away.

“If I try to remember to put things on my face would that help you forget less? I- I don’t want you to have to remind yourself that I’m not mad at you.”

He swallowed. “You don’t gotta try and-”

She silenced him with a finger on his lips.

“Jonny. You...you can tell that I’m upset, right?”

He nodded.

“Why do you think I’m upset?”

He bit his lip. Risking a glance up at her showed that her eyes had the vacant look that she got when she was checking things in the middle of a conversation.

“I… I’m not really sure. I- I’m pretty sure you’re not mad at me, you wouldn’t have made a point to hold my hand if you were, but um… I can’t think of any other reason you’d be upset.”

She brought both her hands up to cradle his face.

 _“Habibi…_ I’m not upset with you. I’m upset _for_ you. It...hurts me that- that _that woman_ pretended not to be mad at you only to hurt you so many times you can’t even tease me without having to stop to remind yourself I’m not secretly mad at you. ...Does that- Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so… I- Can we not talk about this anymore please? I dont- I _trust_ y’all not to be lying about this, but it doesn’t make sense I just. I just. I-”

Fuck. He was crying again.

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey. _Habibi_ , it’s okay. I- if you can’t talk about this anymore then we’ll stop. We can discuss it another day.”

She gently wiped the tears from under his eyes, holding his face so that they locked eyes for a moment.

She grimaced at the same moment as he did, before suddenly grinned as she dropped it.

“I suppose we should be thankful…”

...He did not like that tone of voice.

“Why…?”

“At least you trust us to have a clue about our feelings for you. Could have been another TS situation where you just flat out refused to consider the possibility.”

He stared up at her in shock.

Was that what-

“No. Just. No. We’re done with this conversation. It’s over. We’re not having that discussion. Not now. Not ever. I don’t. I am _not_ dealing with that.”

She threw her head back and laughed, loud and bright. Her hand found its way back into his hair as she calmed and turned back towards him.

“As far as us not coming back after our conversation goes, we absolutely are going to fuck about it if everyone’s good to. Whether we come back here or go to one of our rooms depends on when we get to fucking about it. While I can’t exactly speak for Marius and Raph, I _can_ speak for myself… and they aren’t the only ones I’d like to fuck about it tonight.”

As she spoke, Ivy began trailing her fingers up his throat and along his jaw, until she finished with them resting on his lips.

Her eyes were heavy on his as he whimpered. Gently she began to coax his mouth open-

And they both jumped at the thud Raph made as she landed next to him.

He stared at her, eyes wide.

Her hair was an _actual_ mess, tangled and lopsided. Her lips were bruised enough that it was clear, Tim and TS weren’t the only ones to have taken an opportunity to make out.

She flashed them a lecherous grin. “Oh, don’t stop on my account.”

She reached out to spread a broad palm over his ribs.

Between the two of them, breathing was definitely a bit more of a challenge then it probably should be.

“I’m fairly certain Nastya would take issue if we didn’t stop soon.”

“Oh. That’s nothing to be concerned about. She already left. Apparently, if Marius wasn’t going to cry if she didn’t talk to people tonight she doesn’t want to be here anymore.”

The way Raph’s eyes were raking over him made it quite clear just what she was hinting at.

“I believe it might be best if the two of you spoke tonight if you are able.”

Raph glanced up at Ivy and just stared for a minute.

Finally, she sighed and leaned over him. Her hand was still pressed against his ribs, putting a decent chunk of her weight on him as she kissed him.

He whined into her mouth.

She was grinning when she pulled back though there was an odd sort of look in her eyes.

“You look a little exhausted. Do you want to talk? It can wait until tomorrow if you’d rather.”

He looked away from her.

She wasn’t _wrong_. He was exhausted and honestly didn’t want to deal with any more conversations about people’s feelings.

He didn’t need Ivy to tell him that Raph was going to be focused on him until they had this conversation though.

“You’re gonna obsess over it until I talk to you about it.”

“You are...technically correct. If you’d rather wait until tomorrow then I’ll live.”

“Ivy and Marius wanna talk to you though.” He glanced back to see her shoot a glare at Ivy. “And I’m kinda tired of Marius’s moping so…”

She sighed. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

Whatever face he pulled got a laugh.

“You’re not allowed to argue with me though. I- I’m done arguing with people today.”

“Okay.” She kissed him again, all gentle like he was liable to break.

Which. He was starting to get the impression they thought he was. Everyone except Raph had claimed to love him. And they all seemed to think she was gonna say she really did love him too.

He didn’t understand how they could think that. He wasn’t gonna try and figure it out either. He would listen to whatever Raph had to say and deal with it later.

He could at least enjoy kissing her while he got to. Since he doubted he’d keep getting to after she admitted she didn’t like him all that much.

She cradled his face and stared down at him for a long moment after she pulled back.

“You don’t believe I even like you. No matter what I say you won’t believe me if I say I love you.”

There was no question in her voice. She was simply stating facts.

He still told her yes.

“Yeah...trust you not to lie to me about it. Don’t understand why you would though.” He shrugged. “Don’t wanna fight about it. Just. I trust y’all even if it don’t make no sense.”

“Okay. Okay.” Her brow got all furrowed and she frowned for a moment, before setting her mouth in a not quite smile that made her look determined.

He started to open his mouth, planning to ask her to just say her piece. She cut him off with a kiss though.

“I won’t say it if you can’t believe me yet. If you can deal with it, I’d be happy to tell you all the things I like about you in detail now. I am going to make sure that when I _do_ tell you I love you, you can believe me though, okay?”

Oh.

_Oh._

Raph…

Raph thought he was salvageable? She was gonna tell him she loved him as soon as it was true?

He wasn’t though. The Doc had _tried_ and even when she physically rearranged his brain in an attempt to fix him she still couldn’t do it.

(Raphaella was smarter than she was though, so even if she couldn’t do it didn’t mean Raph couldn’t).

If Raph thought she could love him then she’d find a way to. Even if it meant he had to go into her lab for a long time, she’d make sure he learned to be good and could be loved.

“Pro-promise?” His voice broke. He shouldn’t beg her for this, he shouldn’t ask her to take on such an impossible task.

He _really_ wanted them to love him though.

“You’ll make it so that you can love me?”

She looked so heartbroken.

“I’ll make sure that you believe me every time I tell you I love you, I promise. Even if it takes me a hundred millennia, I’ll make sure that you don’t have to trust me not to be lying when I say I love you.”

He broke.

One moment he was staring up at her, desperate hope that she’d somehow figure it out flooding his chest, the next he was curled in her lap sobbing into her chest.

He couldn’t stop even though he knew he should.

For some reason she didn’t seem to care though. In fact, she actually seemed to think it was a good thing.

“It’s okay. Let it out, _tesoro_. You’re doing so _good_. I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Her own tears were slowly seeping down to soak his shoulder. If the weight against his back was anything to go off of, then he wouldn’t be able to see anything other than Raphaella even if he wasn’t hiding in her chest.

He was safe and maybe even loved in her grasp, her wings a shield against the world. She was gonna figure out a way that he could be good for them and then he really would be _loved_.

It didn’t matter if the others were right and loved him now. Raph would make it so that they really did for sure. Maybe she’d even be able to fix him enough that he could make it up to TS before it realized it hated him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end of Jonny's final chapter. Things are looking up for him a lot more than he can wrap his head around. One more chapter for Tim and then that's the end of this section of their story.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
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	28. Labels B (Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone wants to at least check in before they decide to call it a night. Not everything is figured out, but they're at a pretty good point, in Tim's opinion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Content Warnings:  
> \- implied/referenced relationship issues  
> \- implied/referenced somnophilia  
> \- heavy petting/making up

Raph dropped down next to him and TS.

“I’m gonna talk to Jonny because Marius is right that that’s important and I really don’t wanna think about all the ways he might misconstrue it if I don’t talk to him tonight and then I think Marius wants to talk to me, but I wanted to check if there’s anything we needed to talk about or if we’re good before I did.”

He blinked. It took a moment to sort through the avalanche of words she’d thrown at him.

“Um. I’d like to talk things over? Make sure we really are good and all. That can wait a few days though. The only sorta pressing thing I have is I’d kinda like to know if it’s okay to call you my girlfriend or um. If there’s something else preferable or if you’d rather I not-”

“I like girlfriend.”

He grinned at her.

“Okay then. Um. If you want to call me your boyfriend that’s okay with me. Only when I’m a boy though. I’d rather you call me your partner or something when I’m not.”

She nodded very seriously and darted forward to give him a brief kiss before turning to TS.

“Can we talk tomorrow? I’d like to discuss where you fit into all of this and all since I know you don’t like it when we make you pretend you’re a person.”

It just nodded.

“Thank you, _provettina_.” She pressed a quick kiss to it’s cheek before jumping back up and heading towards Jonny and Ivy.

Tim sighed.

Wooden lips pressed against his cheek.

He smiled at TS.

“It’s been a long day,” he whispered to it.

It nodded. “It Has!”

It seemed to hesitate for a moment. Just as he started to think to question it, it turned around in his lap and gently pushed him back though.

It propped itself over him and stared down at him for a moment.

“Nastya’s not here to yell at us anymore,” it finally whispered.

What was it...?

Oh. _Oh._

He grinned.

“She’s not. You gonna do something about that, love?”

It nodded, all serious for a brief moment.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

He didn’t get a chance to to say anything in reply before it leaned down and did just that.

* * *

A hand started running through Tim’s hair.

TS just kissed him for a few more moments before pulling back to reveal Jonny sitting next to them, leaning against Raph.

“Hey,” he murmured, voice rough. “Y’all’re really pretty like this, you know?”

Tim was pretty sure he’d been crying.

Actually, scratch that. With how red his eyes were, Jonny had _definitely_ been crying.

“You okay?”

Jonny blinked at him for a moment, seeming to struggle a bit with figuring out what he was asking.

“I… yes? I’m just tired.”

Did Jonny really expect him to believe that?

“Okay… You just gonna pet my hair or you gonna come down here so I can hold you, love?”

“...You’re holding TS.”

“Yes?”

“I Can Move So Tim Can Hold You!”

“I don’t…” Jonny looked so confused. “You don’t need to move, _urracacito.”_

“It Is Okay! I Do Not Mind!”

Tim could see the grimace Jonny was fighting. He should probably do something about this.

“Just because you don’t mind doesn’t mean Jonny doesn’t either, TS. The two of you _do_ make a very pretty picture like this.”

Or Raph could keep them from descending into an argument.

“Oh. I Can Also Stay If That Is What You Would Prefer!”

“TS… I-” Jonny cut himself off again, brow furrowing.

...yeah. He definitely needed to at least lay down. Tim wouldn’t mind it going in a different direction, but he’d see about that if Jonny could stay awake once he was laying down.

“I _can_ hold you both, you know. Just… Jonny, you look exhausted. If you don’t have anything that absolutely has to be done tonight, would you please lay down.”

Jonny blinked at him for another few moments before laying down next to him.

Raph met his eyes and rolled hers, sharing a quick smile with him over Jonny’s stubbornness.

“I’m gonna go see if I can’t get Ashes to let me steal Marius back and then we’re gonna go talk with Ivy for a bit. I’ll see you when we get back?”

He wasn’t sure how much of that was directed at him and how much was directed at Jonny or TS. He just nodded.

“Yeah, yeah. Go fuck your _novies_ already.”

She laughed. She leaned down to kiss Jonny, hair falling around their faces for just a moment before she was reaching out and pulling TS and then Tim into a kiss as well.

“Don’t have too much fun without us.”

She was up and walking off before any of them could respond.

Tim just shook his head.

There was a moment of stillness, before Jonny hesitantly pressed against his side.

He hid his face in Tim’s shoulder before he could turn to face him though.

Tim didn’t bother fighting with him. He was laying down and that was enough. Sure Tim would rather he be in his arms, tucked between him and TS, but he would still count it a win that he got Jonny to just curl up next to him.

He turned back to look at TS. ...who was watching Jonny, it’s head tilted slightly and its lips parted, a combination that he’d long since learned was how it expressed desire.

He nuzzled against its cheek, trying to draw it’s attention without drawing Jonny’s.

He did get its attention. Before he could ask it what it thought of getting Jonny caught between them though, Jonny mumbled something against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry?”

“Could You Speak Up?”

Jonny sighed and pulled back slightly, his cheeks flushed. “You can go back to making out if you want. You don’t got t’stop on my account.”

Tim glanced up at TS. It was always difficult to read, but he was pretty sure that it also was of the opinion that kissing Jonny together was more interesting than continuing to make out.

“Who said we stopped on your account, love? Maybe there was something else we wanted to do more.”

Tim must have been right, because TS gently pushed itself off of him and shifted so that it was hovering over both of them.

Jonny finally emerged enough that he could actually see his face. His brow was all furrowed.

“You stopped when I started playing with your hair though?”

“Doesn’t mean it had anything to do with you though, love.”

With Tim distracting Jonny, TS didn’t seem to have any issue lowering itself so that it could wrap around him.

“Then what did you stop for?”

“You!”

Jonny startled, eyes going wide when he realized the Toy Soldier had moved.

“When did you-?”

“Technically Yes! We Did Stop Because Of You! That Is Not A Bad Thing Though!”

Jonny twisted to stare at it.

Tim could feel his confusion.

“I didn’t say it was- ah…”

Jonny cut himself off as TS lowered its head so that it was almost kissing him.

Tim turned so that he could see a bit better as his boyfriend and datemate just stared at each other.

“I Would Like To Kiss You, Jonny.”

“O-okay. You. you can do that.”

Tim just barely managed to catch the Toy Soldier’s pleased grin before it was kissing Jonny. He got to enjoy the way Jonny shuddered between them in its full glory though so he certainly wasn’t about to complain.

What he would do was help see just _how_ tired Jonny really was.

* * *

Ivy was the one who interrupted them this time.

She, at least, seemed to just want a quick word.

“Is there anything we need to talk about tonight.”

Tim blinked.

Ivy hadn’t exactly given him warning, just pulled him back from TS and met his eyes before asking. His hand was still wrapped around Jonny’s throat, holding him against TS’s chest.

“No…? Oh! Um. actually, are we dating?”

She tilted her head staring at him with that stupid blank look that he could never tell whether it meant she was calculating something or annoyed at him.

“There is a ninety-four percent chance we are dating.”

“...does that mean I can call you my girlfriend or…?”

She blinked. “Oh. Yes. You can call me your girlfriend.”

“Cool. Unless there’s something _you_ need, go talk to Marius and Raph so the three of you can stop being awkward. We can talk about anything else tomorrow.”

She gave him a flat look.

“TS? Jonny?”

“Go fuck your _novies_.”

“I Do Not Know Of Anything!”

He caught the eye roll before she stood up.

“Don’t have _too_ much fun without us.,” she said dryly before walking off, ignoring Tim’s objection that they would.

He turned back to look at Jonny and TS.

“Our girlfriend is obnoxious.”

He realized belatedly that he didn’t actually know if that was an accurate statement.

Luckily, neither of them objected.

Jonny just laughed, “and yet we still love her.”

“Yeah… I’m pretty sure we were doing something before she interrupted.”

“We Were Kissing Over Jonny!”

“Was that it?”

The look Jonny was giving him was definitely irritated. He could feel him swallowing though.

He tightened his hand on Jonny’s throat just briefly to hear the way his breath hitched.

“That was what you were doing.”

“Hmm? Should we go back to that?”

Jonny was nodding before he even finished.

“What do you think, TS?”

The way Jonny shivered was delicious.

“We Could! I Think I Would Like To Watch You Kiss Jonny Now Though!”

“That is an appealing suggestion. What do you think of that, Jonny? You okay with TS watching me kiss you?”

“...that works.”

Tim smiled, then leaned in and kissed Jonny.

* * *

Brian didn’t bother saying anything when he dropped down to curl against Tim’s back. One moment Tim was watching as TS worked a mark into the underside of Jonny’s jaw, the next his head was being nudged up for Brian to press a kiss to his own neck.

“Are you trying to start something or just trying to keep Jonny awake?”

He hummed, tilting his head back so that Brian had more access.

“Not exactly _trying_ to keep him awake.”

Brian just hummed.

Before he could offer any sort of response, their attention was drawn back to Jonny and TS.

TS had gotten Jonny to tip his head back enough for it to get its teeth around his throat. Its thumb was stroking along his collar slowly.

Jonny, meanwhile, was flushed. His mouth was hanging open, letting out broken moans and gasps. One of his hands was fisted tightly in Tim’s shirt; the other was splayed back to clutch at TS’s leg.

All in all, they were an absolutely lovely sight together.

Neither he nor Brian bothered interrupting. It was too good a show to.

Ashes, however, had no such qualms.

They dropped themself down at the rest of theirs’ heads and grabbed a handful of Jonny’s hair to guide him into a kiss.

Tim wasn’t sure what to make of how easily he accepted them moving him. Jonny _had_ been a lot softer than he had seen him be since the moon war, but even so he hadn’t seemed so willing to let someone else control him. Then again he had always been more willing to accept someone else taking control when sex was involved - even if he usually made them work for it.

Regardless, Ashes was apparently taking his easy submission as a sign that he needed to go to sleep.

“You should be going to sleep, Jonny. It’s not difficult to see that you’re exhausted.”

He whined.

Ashes just chuckled at him and started petting his hair. Their gaze rose to meet Tim’s. They gave him a weak smile.

“You honestly don’t look much better.”

He pulled a face at them. “Just because it’s been a long day doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to do.”

They raised an eyebrow.

“...things I want to do,” he amended.

That did at least get an actual laugh out of them.

“And just what would these things be?”

He looked back at the _very_ nice image in front of him and then back at them pointedly.

“Alright,” they laughed. “I know that Jonny’s talked to at least everyone at least a little bit today. What about the rest of you? I find it rather difficult to believe that Jonny’s really the only one struggling with something that the rest of us fucked up and didn’t notice.”

He frowned.

They weren’t wrong, but none of them were going to have the energy to hash _everything_ out in a single evening.

“I want to talk to you about our relationship at some point. It can wait though. Um. If it’s okay for me to call you my partner or if there’s something you’d rather I call you, I’d like to know now.”

Ashes tapped their fingers for a moment.

“I… I have complicated feelings about labels. I don’t like them. - I _know_ that you’re not asking for the same reason I hear and that they don’t mean the same thing to you as I grew up with them meaning. I… think this needs to be a more in depth conversation than either of us are up to at this point. Um. I uh. Fuck.”

Tim swallowed.

He knew that Ashes wasn’t a fan of labels. He still _really_ wanted to be able to tell people he was theirs though.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I-” Ashes sighed. “Look, you want us to put a label on our relationship, right?”

“...yeah. I’m not gonna throw a fit if we don’t though.”

“I know. ...It does help to hear you say that, I think. I just. ...I need you to spend some time convincing me that it’s something I want. I _want_ to be able to give you this; I’m just struggling with it a lot. ...Logically, I know that putting a label on our relationship doesn’t change anything and that you asking to isn’t you asking for more than I ask of you already, but I need you to convince me to believe it. I- ...I can’t agree until I know it won’t make me uncomfortable to hear it.”

“Okay. We can talk another day then?”

They nodded. “We can talk tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Okay.” They took a deep breath, their gaze shifting from his face. “Brian? TS?”

“Marius And I Are Going To Have Tea Tomorrow! I Am Also Going To Talk With Raphaella About How I Fit Into All This! I Would Like To Be Done Talking About Feelings Tonight! My Processing Components Are Very Stressed At The Moment!”

Tim had to hide a smile at its decision to use his attempt at acknowledging that it was getting stressed out by the conversations. With any luck it’d hang on to that description of its mind.

“Okay. Do you think some conversations could happen on another day? I’m pretty sure we’ve all been failing to take proper care of you - and I don’t care if you can do your own maintenance. You’re part of our crew and that means we should be taking care of you.”

It just nodded and buried its face back in Jonny’s neck.

“...Brian? You haven’t said anything.”

Tim could feel him shifting behind him. When he sighed, his breath tickled against the back of Tim’s neck.

“I’ve talked to several members of the crew. I’ll talk to people in the next couple of weeks. I need some time to be able to work through stuff before I can bring any potential assumptions on my part to the table though.”

Ashes stared him down for a moment longer.

“Emotions are hard, okay? I’ll try to give you anything that I can and I’ll listen to anything any of you have to say, but right now all I can do is react to what you have to say. ...I need some time to figure out how to put things into words or really anything that isn’t just crying...or screaming.”

“...Okay. I’m going to check on you again in a week and you had better have talked about things.”

“Fortnight might be better, but sure.”

There was a moment or two of silence before Jonny shifted.

“Can we go back to getting around to sex? Please? Everyone here’s done talking and I, at least, would very much like to get fucked.”

His request would have probably had more weight if he hadn’t interrupted himself with a yawn twice. As it was, Ashes just laughed at him.

“Can you even stay up long enough for someone to fuck you?”

“Yes. ...probably. Not like falling asleep while y’all’re fucking me would be a bad thing.”

Tim grinned. Of course, Jonny would be interested in that.

“Is that what you’re really after?” He leaned in to kiss Jonny briefly. “You just want to fall asleep as close to us as possible?”

He nudged Jonny’s head back again so he could start pressing kisses to his neck, teasing down his jugular.

“No. ...maybe. ...If I say yes will you just fuck me already?”

“I’m certainly all for sleeping together. Pretty sure Ashes is the only one who wasn’t on board with the sex idea anyways.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, this chapter is closed. Don't worry, there will be more. There is so much more I want to explore with this and besides, we have to get the eldritch trio to Aurora still. I will be taking a bit of a break from this project for a while, so updates will be more sporadic over the next few months. I've got several shorter pieces that are in various stages of repair, so will be dropping those as I get them cleaned up to an appropriate level though.
> 
> If I missed any content warnings feel free to let me know and I'll add them.
> 
> Quick Comments Reaction Code (basically, react using these and it acts as an auto comment button):  
> ❤️️ = I love this story!  
> 😳 = this was hot!  
> 💐 = thank you for sharing this  
> 🍵 = tea spilled  
> 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy!  
> 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good!  
> 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER  
> 😢 = you got me right in the feels  
> 🤯 = mind blown  
> 🤬 = god damn cliffhanger  
> 😫 = whyyyyyyy?!?!?  
> (Thanks to violetsmoak for the comment code)


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